Corona Diaries

Anonymous 2

“The dreaded clap for carers again tonight. I find these things so cringey…”

Background Information

As the account was submitted anonymously the background information has been drawn from the

diary entry. Anon did not disclose their gender but due to the narrative portrayed it is assumed the

participant is Female. From Wales, Divorced.

March 2020

18th March

Am on holiday with my good friend Tracey. We have been going on holiday for many years. Little did we

know that it would be the last holiday for we have no idea when.

19th March

Just getting ready to go out for the day. A trip to Lulworth Cove and Durdle Door. My phone lights up, it is

work. My boss telling me the company is closing the stored and this will commence of Friday. We are being

paid ‘til the end of the month. To be honest that was all I cared about. Time off and pay, what’s not to like?

20th March

We continue with our holiday. Slightly worried[?] by the fact our caravan site will close today. We feel very

sorry for seasonal workers as they are being laid off. We are staying in a hotel tonight as we are visiting my

family on Saturday in Southampton.

Arrive at the hotel all ok, restaurant open but will close tonight so no breakfast in the morning. Suddenly

realise that this is getting serious.

21st March

Travel back to South Wales today. Journey back is good we are happy and thinking about holiday making

jokes about getting the washing on and what a mess I had left in the house before I left.

22nd March

Went and got supplies from Tesco all seems calm no fights over the toilet roll.

23rd March

Boris to make announcement later today.

It’s lockdown. Wow, not too worried about this, am being paid. How long can it last anyway?

30th March

Conference call with work. We are being furloughed. I am happy with at least we know where we are. Think

the government are doing a good job while the furlough scheme and business loans, take away the worries

off paying the bills. I know I am very fortunare to be in this position. Not everyone is.

First full week of lockdown.

Haven’t got dressed for 3 days. Seemed to have lapsed into a malaise of eating and watching telly. Rolling

news is making me anxious. I find myself shouting at people on the screen especially TRUMP.

How the hell did he get to be the most powerful man on earth. I know our politicians are not that great and I

didn’t want Boris for PM, but they conduct themselves better.

April 2020

Week 2 of lockdown

Am really struggling with things now cant concentrate or anything. Keep flicking through the TV and not

being able to settle on something to watch. Keep looking at stuff I have seen before. Endless returns of

Poirot and Morse[?].

Nothing seems to settle my mind. Am eating rubbish and going to bed late, getting up late, have become a

cliché.

Signed up to TikTok. Glad to see I am not the only cliché on the planet. PJs are the new uniform of the

unemployed or furloughed.

Week 3 of lockdown

Watching celebs and royalty doing their bit to rally the nation. I wish they would shut up. The queens

address was enough, it was very moving and made me feel better about things. Not so with the rest of

them.

Having weird dreams, keep dreaming about years ago. Marriage break up, my parents. Things that I had

dealt with in my head. I never dream and if I do, by the time I get out of bed I have forgotten the context.

The memory is just out of reach. I read somewhere that it was a sign of good mental health not

remembering your dreams.

Dreams are a way of making sense of the day. Filing things away so they are in order. Goodness knows

what a psychiatrist would make of the things swirling around in there. Have found that the worst aspect of

living on my own is that I have nobody to talk to about this stuff. Ordinarily I would talk to someone about it

at work or a friend and you end up laughing or making a joke about it and it gets some perspective. That is

what I am missing: perspective.

Week 4 of lockdown

I have turned a corner. Started to do things around the house. I made a flat pack chest of drawers. Have

sorted about 5 bags of things for the charity shop for when they eventually open. Am making proper food

and readily doing crafts. Not watching so much news although am still shouting at stupid on the TV. Am

more optimistic about general things, even though the news at home and abroad is so terrible. We are

losing so many people. Can’t watch the human-interest story on TV, find it too emotive. Have never

understood why people have to weep and wail on the television. I am more stoical and pragmatic with

these things. I am not uncaring and have great sympathy for their loss. But I don’t know these people. I

hate my emotion played with. Manipulated.

Week 5 of lockdown

Am keeping in touch with family, mainly by Whatsapp and text. Everyone seems ok. Have worry with one

son as he is a prison officer. I can not wait to be able to visit them all. Not because I am one of those clingy

mothers who wants their children around them all the time. My children live miles away which is great. I get

to see different parts of the country. It’s just the fact that “I CAN NOT GO”.

The dreaded clap for carers again tonight. I find these things so cringey and again emotional. I have a lot of

admiration for the NHS. It is in my opinion the greatest institution we have in this country if not, the world.

The way I see it is yes, these are very difficult times, and dangerous but they are trained for this. It is what

they do. Obviously, I don’t say these things out loud for fear of causing offence so I don’t stand on the step

and clap. I spend the time in quiet reflection and hope no one notices I’m not there.

My neighbour has taken to bring out her karaoke machine to give us her take on Queens back catalogue. I

would happily cut the power to the street to shut her up as she can’t hold a note. People clap and cheer her

now which only goes on to encourage her for next week. Why can’t we be like Italy and have Opera

Singers and people playing lovely classical music. Its like the out takes of x-factor. Hopefully we won’t have

to endure this when the crisis is over.