Corona Diaries

Betty

“We spent the afternoon in the garden room, just being husband & wife. Another luxury that doesn’t come

often.”

Background Information

Female, aged 85 – 94, Retired, Wales, White, Married to husband John, Heterosexual.

April – First Diary Entry

Preface to Lockdown Diary, written 23.04.2020

After my second email from Dr Ward, I decided to preface the diary as, daily, the number of people in my

virtual life is increasing. My great nephew Steve calls me WOMAN 87, after Nella Last!

Diarist Betty Jones married to John Jones. Married 04/06/55. My brother Alun is isolating alone at his

sheltered accommodation at the South Wales coast. He is in poor health and is emotionally dependent

upon me. Frequent phone calls daily. We are childless, but have two nieces (sisters), (daughter of my

deceased elder brother) who have, since their teens, been like daughters. The elder, Olivia lives at a Welsh

City, with ailing husband. The younger, Ava lives in North Wales. Both are grandmothers, Olivia is 71 and

Ava is 68 both phone and email.

As my husband suffers from Alzheimer’s, and has virtually no short-term memory, fact as his ‘hard drive’

day and night – not easy. He is 6’2”, eats for Wales and frequently falls from a great height coming down

like a wrecking ball. I have two points of couther for him, Charlotte, South Wales Hospital (but she is not

medical, just admin), and Amelia of the Social Services. Both excellent, both empathetic is supportive. I

have not got a doctor who knows us or is even interested in us; I do find things difficult some days. I am a

long-time member of a Baptist Church.

My minister is Rev Cecil (Cec to me), Secretary Karen (great friend). As I am the oldest active member, I

am delayed with phone calls of offers to help. Although we have no children, I am a surrogate Mum and

gran to a number of much younger friends. John enjoys the fuss.

Normally I have a cleaner (Nearly 70!) Barbara, good Christian woman, but fragile mentally. Also, my body

home help, Carol, who adopted us as a gran and grandpa 7 years ago. She is now doing our shopping, and

both the ladies are on full pay for as long as is lasts. I have Parkinson’s but successfully ignore the

condition.

EASTER SUNDAY 12.04.2020

Nancy is keeping a diary in Australia, and Sharon told me the youngsters are all over social media, and that

I ought to contact the chap at Swansea Uni who is coordinating diaries. Ava on phone at 8:30am! Brian is

going to ring bells at the Church at 10am and 11am and now the churchyard is between! On his own, it will

be like a death toll all the way down North Wales.

Got John shaved and showered early. I also washed my hair again, but it is still like sofa stuffing. Sat down

at 10:30 and sang along with dechrau canu. I haven’t had communication since. 1st Sunday in March – I got

Alun to move his basket suite on to his wide porch area, he can sit there and read, as it is so sheltered.

John lasted out until 4:30pm before tackling the THORNTON’S EGG! Phone ringing all day. Judith is not

well, having awful coughing boats. Her warfarin is due Wednesday, so she will try to see Doctor.

EASTER MONDAY

Sign of the times – did the washing! On a Bank Holiday. RUBBISH ON TELE. John came in from garden

and told me the “big bird” has come. He has forgotten “HERON”. So, we had a pretend picnic lun ch in the

garden room and kept watch. The poor boy has done his best to keep the fish safe, but it will not be

enough. I played YouTube to calm him down. Kept Alun with key’s history of Ireland. He needs brain food.

TUESDAY 14.04.2020

WEDNESDAY 15.04.2020

Totally put off by BBC and SKY today. By 8.15am I felt I had taken on board the collective misery of the

world. We are having too much information, wall to wall. They should have set times for VIRUS NEWS,

then those who WANT to watch WILL!!

I had to put being Goodman on to get John moving and got him outside to dig the potato patch over. He did

half of it very well. Heron back again – not good. A big black thing on the shed like he owned us!

WEDS.

I got an email off to a Dr Mike Ward, having boned him up on screen. Staggered to have a fast reply. Hoo-

blooming-ray. It will. Be like writing essays again. I told Cecil and he is not surprised, and thinks I need a

safety value. I do miss intelligent conversation, at one time all we needed was each other, but that part of

John has left for good.

I got the last email off to N. Wales Part III, never know I could write children’s stories. The boys are going to

send me illustrations. I kept answering phone all day, Donna has been taken off tutoring and is working

from home as a co-ordinator. First thing she did was ring me to see if we are OK for cash! She has been

inundated with isolating ‘oldies’ who are devoid of cash but have pension money in banks. I told her we are

OK as I had stocked up in a biscuit tin! She will visit ASAP and we are going to choose a laptop for me. No

idea when though.

THURSDAY 16.04.2020

I had a phone call from J to confirm all of my Mother’s Union talks have been cancelled UFN what a relief.

She saved me hours. She has reserved an early spot for the Church and wants “home sweet home”, 40

mins with questions – the big question will be when, if ever!

Jim has set the Church up as part of the volunteer response. He will archbishop of Wales one day, lovely

fellow. My housework is taking so long as the phone is non-stop in the morning every day. Helen telling

Ruth is not well, 3 hypos in 11 days and she has to take him in next Weds for his B12 shot. He has gone

down without his physio supports, when I spoke to Judith she has to ring off, coughing too much.

FRIDAY 17.04.2020

Up very early, John shaved without being reminded, but has to be ‘encouraged’ to shower. Put him in

lighter colours today. He went to check on Norman’s but came straight back in, tried to drag me out say

“ambulance” over and over. I went to kitchen window and the ambulance was at Judith’s, stayed 0.5 hours.

Could hardly contain John, crying “WHY, WHY, what are they like Star Wars mentor”. Sandra rang after

ambulance went, Judith was so ill that DR at Health Centre sent paramedics, who have taken her to the

hospital. Sandra has taken the keys from back porch but went back into isolation. I watched John and

haven’t down to check all doors locked. So, he will do 2 houses now every morning. He loves doing it and

doesn’t well. He asked the 64-dollar question “what is wrong with her” so I told him the cough is because of

her lung operation last year. I’ve decided not to tell him of her cancer as he gets so upset now. I rang Janet

and she’ll tell the rest. Sandra nominated to ring the hospital after 6pm if she is not brought home. I am v

put out by all this we have so often joked that her mother left her and me in her will. Poor girl, and so brave

these last few weeks.

SATURDAY 18.4.2020

Big surprise today, Steve appeared outside in a car with bottle of rose and two bars of chocolate. I gave

him all that I had made, big ice cream carten of veggie soup, large cake and one round of walnuts and

sultana scones (experimental!). Also played pop with him, but he had gone shopping in the Pouslowers

time, having been up since 5am and done his washing. Slipped our when the WARDEN wasn’t looking,

7:40am! Felt awful on 2 counts, couldn’t have him in, couldn’t give him a hug, just bawled him out as if I

was Man. Water off a duck’s back. The gardener came at 10 am to put the weed killer around the

bungalow, driver both patios. He also did the front garden – looks lovely, have had several ideas for doing

the pots to make it easier all rounds.

I was very touched when he asked me to tell him why his father would have been awarded the BURMA

STAR. Gave him a bit of background through the kitchen window. We made a date for Boxing Day, when

he’ll come over to get a relief from his kids!! Wouldn’t have a cuppa as he would not like to pass anything

on him wittingly. I shall give him a bit of a bonus when the lockdown ends for sticking by us.

SUNDAY 19.04.2020

“A day that will live in infancy” John came out of shower, dried his feet, caught nail of middle toe in loose

thread and ripped his toe nail off. Blood everywhere got him to stand on towel and went into full St John’s

Medallion mode – instinctive. It took me 40 mins to stop the bleeding which goes to show that aspirin is as

efficient as warfarin. Treated him for shock, dressed toe with the residue of my emergency stock. Never so

glad had taught first aid in all my life – I didn’t know what was shaking by 12 noon, me or Parkinson’s.

Every towel in saltwater, bloody everywhere. Could have done with Florence Nightingale. Dinner at 4, had

him sleeping on and off, gave him cocoa and pieces of chocolate to replace iron levels. When I picked up

my messages, I had failed to answer incoming calls. Rang Sharon and asked her to speak to Ava for me.

Too bushed for more. She is very worried, but glad I didn’t call ambulance after the Judith episode. All other

calls can wait.

MONDAY 20.04.2020

I rang the Health Centre first thing. I rang at 9.20 am, told her the story. She asked how I was before asking

about John. Made me cry. No one ever asks me that question. She thought I must have been a younger 2 nd

wife and was sympathetic. Is sending up dressings and told me to watch for infection. He seems fine today

and doesn’t want to be dressed. Told him I was Nurse Gladys Emmanuel, and he was Ronnie Barker and

he got dressed. This is a special day for me, and I can’t go to the graves of daddy or dad. Daddy has been

dead 70 years today. Alun and I were so young. I grew up over. It changed our lives and he would be so

proud of how we educated ourselves. He was a love to the WEA. The terrible coincidence of losing John’s

dad on the 20th April 1997 was unbelievable. And now even going to the graves has been taken from us. It

is so hard to keep bright.

Made a diversion for Long John Silver gave him materials to make a 7-year-old card for Ashley’s birthday. I

have to show him the boys’ photos every day. Spoke to Ava and got John to speak to her too. They have

always been special; we shouldn’t have favourites but she and Brian are most like us. Daft each other. She

tells me that Sarah is doing another episode of the Creaky House for Ava to read on the day at bedtime.

Winging it now, but I couldn’t let a child down.

TUESDAY 21.04.2020

Very busy day. We cleaned, at least I cleaned, and John made encouraging noises. But I put his everything

drawer in the kitchen table and he cleared out a lot of junk which seems to gravitate towards old men. I

think there must be a WOMBLE in the Jones DNA. I sent an email to Karen, my sister-in-law now that all

the drama. Is over to let her know in case the toe infects. I couldn’t face a phone call, she is so very

depressed, and I am not up to if after Sunday. Still shaking, mostly my legs. It is good to be overwhelmed

because you forget all your own short comings.

I cooked a lovely dinner today inspired by Rick Stein – a veggie tray back with roast chicken portions and

bread, sage and onion stuffing not to waste anything. I am out of flour, eggs and very little sugar, I have

been cooking so much. Big problem for Alun. Getting it to him is so hard. I assembled lots of my dark

double kitting wool and will send Christopher over and tomorrow – God willing. Lovey day again.

WEDNESDAY 22.04.2020

Rang pharmacy early as I am out of dressings. Script is there and will be delivered. Did the toe with make-

up remover pads and Sellotape. Found an unopened bottle of TCP in the bathroom closer, along with full

AVEENO pump bottle for my face. Forgot them because Barbara has taken that over. I will look around

now in case there are other things.

Christopher will take the wool to Danielle tomorrow. Ite was so delighted to help. It must be awful for him on

his own. Men are not as well able to cope with losing a partner as women. Women grieve inside, but men

grieve all over like little boys who are lost. He told me Danielle’s son (Headmaster) fell off his conservatory

roof and cracked his ribs. Living proof that lots of academics are dangerous out of context. Why couldn’t he

have got a man in? Pretty fellows with the right equipment would take his arm off for a job now.

Carol did marvellous with shopping. All put by before 1:30pm. Dying to give her a cwtch, finding it hard not

having people breezing in. Well blessed with coffee, but still no dressings. Swelling around the toe has

gone down.

THURSDAY 23.04.2020

Another lovely day, but on the phone all morning. Told pharmacy of my position AGAIN, same as ever

AGAIN. Told them I worry of infection as with Alzheimer’s he forgets about the injury and applies equal

pressure as he rises, causing blood to seep! SINCE SUNDAY!! I’m sorry for the girl, but my priority is John

and she must realise that. I will keep at it. Just when everything seemed impossible to cope with, we had

the mail – two hand drawn illustrations from the CreakHouse Story. I felt overwhelmed. Ashley has written

on one side the bits he liked best and had made a very plausible house and garden, very close to me text –

his handwriting looks as if he will be a doctor – needs hard work, and less indulgence.

Jason took the biscuit, at 4 years old he had managed to produce a lady bird that was not in the story (but

will be soon). It was huge, like a big red head louse with 4 black spots with the bright yellow sun on other

side and needed a tonic and that was it. Laughed for ages. Spoke to Brian and Ava to say what good the

lady bird had done. Can never get rid of it! John has been getting a lot for Norman and Steve. He thinks he

must have upset them in some way. He keeps asking “who is coming today”. Well, the man with the

dressings came today – a volunteer driver. Dressed the toe properly and got him into clean clothes and M

and S cardigan to “clap” at 8pm. He looks like PG Wodehouse more than ever the older he gets.

Lovely outside, sat on garden wall in the drive, Kelly and Anthony told me that two cars had been to

Judith’s. Anthony challenged them but they came from Hospital Occupational Therapy; to bring her home

TONIGHT. As we were all going in, home she came so we all had to do another round of clapping. She

was wheelchaired in – not looking good, very frail and I only have to hear the word Mac millions and I will

start preparing John.

FRDIAY 24.04.2020

70 years ago today Daddy’s funeral in bitter weather with snow showers. Today has been like summer.

Spent all morning mustering the troops back up Judith. Janet and Hannah will see to shopping. Sandra and

Fiona can check she is up and about. I did the emails to Zoe. Zoe pinged back that she will come down

from West England with Darren and they will stay once lockdown is over. Sent light lunch down with

Christopher. He thinks like me that the cancer is back. Just as I was finishing lunch the postman brought

another lovey surprise. A parcel with a new WORDSEARCH for John (mind gym), and sweets, hand cream

for me and box handmade chocs from Jane and a proper letter telling me all she can’t on the phone. There

are a lot of deaths around N Wales and she is hearing air ambulance back and for into Jane by all the time.

Likewise, she thinks the toll of fatalities is vastly underrated. We both have been in crisis management and

can recognise chaos when we see it. Told her about Judith and she is not surprised. This is why she was

glad to retire. She had enough of so called “care in the community” which is really a “do it yourself kit” and a

phone call if you are lucky.

I worked on the Creaky House story on paper and went to bed at 12ish. Heard tonight that Alison and her

neighbour both died of it. 2 funerals at lower end of village – when?

SATURDAY 25.4.2020

Up very early and picked up all the washing, more towels and night wear. Another full machine. I have done

more washing this week than Widows Twaukey! I made trifles, fruit cake for Steve and Kim. Club

sandwiches in garden room, put the YOUTUBE on for John. Requests – my head was banging after

Tangos, Dorsey Brothers, American Song Book and Tyroleau Bounds. I did 10 paragraphs of the Creaky

House (Part III) and got it off for approval. Email back at 10 and all is fixed up. Sarah will be organised

bedtime with nana and Ava will read the story. They will be awake all night with excitement once they know

they are in it! It is so hard keeping little families apart. When I spoke to Olivia today, she has known about

the parcel and told me that they had both been crying over our flight last weekend. I couldn’t tell ger about

Ava’s card or I would have cracked up myself. I keep looking outward and forward and too busy to have

time for self-analysis. Steve has found out that he can go to the graves tomorrow as the crematorium area

has been blocked off. He will call, can’t wait. My brother and I are inseparable, speak our own language,

read each other’s thoughts, back each other up by helping with degrees and are always there for each

other and I wish he had isolated with us. John took down wool for Judith and “always sing in the lifeboat for

her calligraphy – she is trying it again” washed my hair again, very curly, the patch over my cancer is

smaller but hair around it is falling out, wish I could see Mrs Rave – face not looking good either.

SUNDAY 26.4.2020

Up early and got John all settled by 10:30 am for Welsh Dachrau Canu but couldn’t stop him going down to

Judith – he took jelly and fresh grapes and easy peel. No answer. She rang later, phone on blink better and

wont charge, Chloe is going in, lockdown or not!!

Day progressed, John was dressing, big toenail came off in sock, blood everywhere, major problem.

Stopped bleeding by 11:30. Ringing the helpline till 12:10pm, very helpful. Talked me through what I had

done and suggest elevating limb on pillow, plastic sheering under pillowcase, loose duvet. Ring Dr AM.

MONDAY 27.4.2020

Came up against a Dr Sheridan this morning, from surgery. She has never met us, but immediately

concluded that John is self-harming and displaying “challenging unusual behaviour” – real textbook clap

trap. When I tried to explain his background, she told us she has other patients and hung up on me. My jaw

literally fell open! Rang the receptionist (Maria) and explained, she put me through to Clare, the Practise

Nurse. She jumped to it, checked my treatment again, asked how she could get bulk dressings to me if she

could get a script signed. I rang Amelia who linked me with Vixie, a volunteer. And from then on, we were

like drug. Clare raugue when scrip was signed, I rang Vixie with John’s DOB and Hospital Number for

security purposes. Had dressings by 2pm and redressed foot mean while Amelia had rung Charlotte and

between them, they rang Practice Manager to report the incident. I did so, and he asked for 24 hours to ring

me back. I am shaking today as all my pills have been at the wrong time. Very tired, will leave the girls till

tomorrow, Ashley’s birthday.

TUESDAY 28.04.2020

Edward, the Practice Manager has asked me to put a description of the incident with Dr Sheridan on

record, as it needs further investigation. I could do it by email before end of week. OK. Tried to catch up

today but very half hearted, Alun came up to outside porch and I had a good talk. He said to wait until

Thursday and be analytical in email. We shall agree the tone and text in case emotion takes over. He

brought his “empties” back. Was very pleased that I took all the marks out of his M&S jumper. I wish life

was more normal, I’m jumping when the phone goes. Decided I’d speak to Ian the Lifeline engineer and

was lucky to get him. Talked me through putting the hall extension in to warble – works a treat. I do wish I

was back in “oily-rag” environments again. Much less worry. Charlotte rang at 4:30 pm. she has put in an

adverse report about judgements and assumptions made by a Practice Doctor, rather than referred to a Dr

Brown for competence assurance. I think Dr Sheridan is in professional hot water. Such a shame, she

sounds young.

WEDNESDAY 29.04.2020

I phone this AM. Cooked dinner by 1:00pm. Had all news about Ashley’s birthday – the virtual part was a

success. Jason in captures about the magician and the ice cream cake! He is lovely, so spontaneous. They

are going to have a week with Ava and Brian when the lockdown ends. Now is the time for that pair to get

the Valium in!!

It is hard to record the next bit. I was dressing John’s foot at 2:30pm, when water went like red wine. The

last remaining nails on foot came off spontaneously. Stopped bleeding by 3:35pm. Rang Triage. Unknown

male doctor promised me a nurse tomorrow. Thanked Jay on reception for his quick response. All the

receptionists went to fetch meds and shopping for us, but I had our list to Carol over phone. I just asked

them to stick with us as they have done the last 10 days.

Carol came with the shopping before 6:00pm. She had used her “executive decision” because I had

forgotten milk, tomatoes, butter, loads of things. Not surprised. I am about finished.

THURSDAY 30.04.2020

Waited all day for nurse, phone call at 4:00pm. Staff shortage, will come from 8:30-3:30 tomorrow!! Ricky

came once he knew and had a good chat with both of us for moral support. I sent the email at 11.10am,

just like a managerial report. Had reply early afternoon, both John and Betty taken off Dr Sheridan’s triage

and our screens are flagged that she must not be involved with our clinical needs. A bit of relief, but I do not

enjoy failing to win a young person over. I must be losing my touch. She should know that for a good 6

hours, I lost myself self-confidence, but I have a feeling that there is a very little empathy there, which is

sad. She chose this profession where empathy is everything.

Sharon thinks the girl is over-whelmed by Covid-19, but we are only assuming. She is a girl, as none of us

have even seen her. “no more assuming” is new mantra. Everyone needs to know there are degrees of

Alzheimer’s.

May 2020

Friday, May 1, 2020

More heavy showers today. Cleaned bathroom & sep. toilet & got all dressed up ready for NURSE (again!).

The best place is on his miser chair, with the big stool. So we waited again until 1:30pm. Super girl came –

Jessica. Thank God, no infection. I have managed to get 3 toes to heal. She sprayed those & iodine

dressings on others. No shower till Tuesday, he’ll love that. Washing John’s back is like washing a Land

Rover. I’d rather do that than dress the feet. She is setting up Obs & bloods and seemed to know all about

the “misfortune” with support due to us. What a lovely way of putting it!

Janet has been doing nearly all of Judith’s support and her shopping will be done once more by Janet’s

daughter. I have been so overwhelmed by my own patient that I was relieved that there are so many with

so little to do that they are jumping in. If only it stays like this post-COVID! Amelia rang my old mobile

number by mistake & was in fits of laughter when I told her I’m working on 2 mobiles & the landline. I can’t

wait for a visit once she is able. She told me the first 2 days of this week were swamped by sorting us out &

writing a report. So she has had to document the incident. It was only now that I am beginning to realize

how serious an event occurred with the Doctor. Amelia said that the Helpline had given advice that failed to

be addressed, which is notifiable! And before all this no one had taken any notice of me as a carer for 10

years! A short period of anonymity would be greatly appreciated again.

Saturday, May 2, 2020

This usually used to be Cup Final Day. I had to remind John that it was Dad’s birthday and got him to speak

to Karen, and he managed a good five minutes of reasonable conversation. Karen is full of trouble and

having “mental health issues” I told her no-one over 80 has “issues”, -- that phrase only applies to younger

whimps. I told her to keep singing “will your Anchor hold in the Sea of Life” out loud, no one will hear her.

Relieved to get that over we had to gee-up as the new ablutions take longer.

I did a big batch of baking including birthday cake for Alun. John sat and peeled all the vegetables for

vegetable soup (Steve style, practically Vegan except he’ll never know that it is in a rich ham stock, God

forgive me!) I also made a Shepherd’s Pie on request – so that is Sunday’s dinner done too. I intended to

sort out my knitting this P.M. but gave up & copied the pattern on to my tablet & sent it up to Ava. I wish I

knew how to photograph & use the attachment, it would save me a lot. If I had a bit of peace to

concentrate, Brian could talk me through or David Beynon? But the poor man here is the first priority, I tried

to Skype unaided and have lost the App. Apparently I have to have a number to get it back. Fat chance, I’ll

see if I can find my Course book one day.

I emailed Nancy to keep her up to speed and afraid I was very late up; reading Marcus Aurelius Meditations

in my favourite little book. It is wearing out.

Sunday, May 3, 2020

Up early, John first in bathroom, dressed him in camel pants, green shirt, and pullover. Did breakfast

together, he was good from first thing & has been very alert all day. All done, even my hair washed and bed

made for 10:30, Decklin? Came, and elevenses at right time, (miracle). Phone went at 11:40am, Nancy

rang from OZ, wants to hear him speak as she thinks we are hiding bad news. Poor kid, she gets so

homesick, as bad as Ava. John was marvellous, talking about the Gallas and asking about the possum with

the burns. He is great on a good day.

After lunch he he was roaming around and the old familiar “Maa, I think something has happened,” I fo und

him on our bed with his hand in his mouth. I had a look and he has lost the tooth that they were in the

process of saving. His appointment was lockdown + 2 (Tuesday), but was cancelled. He had the tooth in

his hand, so thank goodness he hadn’t swallowed it. Very rough roots left, no bleeding. I’m beginning to

dread Sunday. Spoke to Cecil. It appears his daughter Lucy is in the Nursing Hub, so she will try to get on

to our area, or at least let it be known that she has a strong interest in us. Lovely & comforting!

Monday, May 4, 2020

All “phone Marp”? day to day, non-stop. Did changes & towels, John shaved without one reminding him.

(Good day!). Jack came with he NOMAD trays and told us that the Pharmacies are manic, frequent long

queues outside.

I spoke to Elliots about the tooth, will have to call us back. They have to take advice from Cardiac Unit

because of John’s tissue valve and aspirin. Meanwhile, keep cleaning teeth & mouth wash regularly. Warm

salt & water rinse 5 mins each am.

While I was on phone John got out in his slippers & went down to Juidth. I couldn’t find him for 10 minutes

& Liam brought him back. Got his slipper off P.D.Q but no blood. Sat him with foot up for ½ hour. If

someone ever takes my B.P again I’ll be on drugs forever.

We watched the final of Mastermind and tucked in to the Lazenby Chocolates. We wanted either Ruth or

the Dutch lady to win, such normal people on the outside. Whoever has that speed of recall is blessed from

day one.

Tuesday, May 5, 2020

Had an early phone call from Janet, Judith not well and having difficulty breathing again. Why did she not

have her oxygen on discharge? Seems odd to me. John has guessed there is something serious and

keeps asking if he can bring her up to us.

I managed to ger the blood out of the rug by the side of the bed. We had a long talk about molecules as the

scrubbing was going on. I put vinegar on to bicarb in a saucer and the FIZZ highly amused him. Sad to

think what this brilliant chap has lost.

I had a surprise email from Alun’s part-time daughter, Leah. She is going to call on time tomorrow with Ella

& the dog. They haven’t seen him since Christmas. However, I do realize that it is fashionable now to have

an “Aged Parent”, as it allows you to get out & about to “support” and “give him a quality of life” (her words).

I said, “ok but take him a cake, as his cake is up here with me.” She replied quite quickly that they will have

a birthday surprise for him.” I can’t wait. Thank God he only had one daughter – he looks like KwigBear

now with his hair so long, two like Leah would have killed him.

Big panic 8:30pm Medics with Judith, gone in & stayed in. I waited up until 11:30pm writing this. We had a

lovely nurse today. Stephanie, in her 50’s, very capable. I showed her Jason’s lady bird and we had a good

laugh. She has 5 grandchildren, and is missing them. Showed photos on phone. I was pleased to hear from

Dr Ward that my April diary had arrived and that I am to carry on. It appears that I am the oldest, but as I

am usually the oldest these days, that’s no problem. As ever, I am in better shape than Elizabeth Taylor!

Wednesday, May 6, 2020

Rang the Jubilee Baby at 10:30 am, he was in a state because of Leah coming. He was getting coffees

ready & putting a big rug? out on to the grass bank to observe 6 ft separation. I calmed him down & told

him to get BEST MUGS out, rinse in boiling water, and put them in a separate wash from his own after they

have gone. Just offer Penguins on a plate. Throw everything in bin not eaten. I asked him to ring? out? they

had gone.

More news about Judith. The Army Medics came to her & stayed with OXYGEN. Reduction in one tablet

recommended. Also have Life-line put in. Chloe in touch with Janet & volunteers are picking up new pills

from Hospital Pharmacy. Under normal conditions she would have gone back in. She has lost heart since

the death of her old school friend in South Africa. She & Phoebe had spent 7 years in boarding school

together, both their parents being in Zambia & the girls at English School in S.A.

I have been tidying in fits & starts all day as I seem unable to settle. Gave up by 3:30 & went to sleep in my

chair. Alun had called at 1:30 pm. The dog, Molly, who got off the lead & caused mayhem. Wouldn’t come

out from under his bed, so was coaxed out with MARKIES & a PENGUIN!! He didn’t say how the meeting

went but did say that Paige had made him a lovely card, a water colour of an Amaryllis with bulb, like a

botanical print. He says it is very good, praise indeed from Alun – the original Ee-ore. I asked him to put his

Silver Cup for being born on Jubilee Day on his mantlepiece for a change. What a fuss after he was born –

had to be named Alun after the King! I bet Mammy was mad missing a good party. I started a trifle ready for

Friday. Carol did the shopping and the little man in the Post Office sent John home a WORD SEARCH as a

gift, to keep him busy. I feel a bit tearful when I think we have not been forgotten. She also got the meat

paste from ASDA, so I am ready for Friday.

Thursday, May 7, 2020

I try not to listen to the news, and the constant statistical presentations flashed on screen must be

unfathomable to most viewers. So many now are bewildered and frightened. Someone like Johnny Ball

ought to come on as the presenter & explain the implications in layman’s terms. These days we are all

expected to be instantly qualified. Proud to say I have a PhD in recycling now I haven’t got the girls!

We have managed a normal sort of day to day. I got my flags out ready. Ava sent me more pictures, they

are decked overall, big Welsh dragons out that she keeps for RUGBY 6 NATIONS. She goads the village

when England play Wales (Auntie’s girl).

I had a great difficulty going to the front of the drive to clap tonight as I can no longer wear shoes. The

podiatry service is suspended u.f.n., but I have been prioritised. That is claptrap for old ladies. I don’t

swallow it!

Friday, May 8, 2020

V.E. Day. All plans once had for S. Wales abandoned and we are all doing our own thing. John could

shower today. Nurse booked for before 10:00am. The lovely Jessica again. No infection. INADINE

dressings. Also large bluefile which I have to keep with his fall records. From now on he is triaged through

the Nursing Hub – 24 hour response. Such a relief for me. She also spoke to dentist about the tooth & gave

John a priority rating. Why is it that nurses can do what the doctors seem reluctant even to attempt?

We were sitting down, everything under control by the 11:00am silence. I was very impressed with P.O.W,

and Diana looks as if she is shaping up to be a “good egg” as Elsie would say. I was a bit taken aback

when John said, “Dad went to the worst place”, and then said, “was Dad 43 then?” I said, “Just had his

birthday.” A lot goes on internally with him.

I never thought I could break the law, but this afternoon we had an illicit party for 3. Ricky had a seat on the

drive facing the front porch, John & I sat in the hall, - tenable in porch. Ricky put my flags out and we had a

lovely time. John and I were still 12 but Ricky had just had his 10th birthday. We had a good laugh because

John had his first long trousers on that day. He reckoned he was already about 5’7 or 8 and Mother was

unable to get pants to fit.

The paste sandwiches were, well, evocative! Scones lovely & red, white & blue gateous (?) tasted better

than it looked. We watched the show on the BBC in the evening, in the Palace fore Court. Then the Queen.

Poor woman, she must feel like the Captain feels, going down with the Ship. Too many memories for our

generation. I felt mixed feelings when I played “Don’t let’s be beastly to the Germans” this p.m. The war

ruined our family.

Saturday, May 9, 2020

I committed two of the Deadly Sins today – The least interesting! Gluttony & Sloth. Barbara sent us 2

chicken dinners from Sally’s Kitchen, along with a cream tea. Out of the blue. She is concerned that I have

not been resting and revealed (?) that if I could have a day without looking, it would help. How right she

was. I ate too much, slept in the chair all p.m. while John watched War film on box. Tea no problem & I

dozed all evening. I just gave up for the day. I also gave myself a treat today I ordered a book about the

Mitford Sisters – I feel quite at home with them. I am well into The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius, quite

turned on by the language. P 43 (?) “Time is like a river made up of the events which happen, and a violent

stream; for as soon as a thing has been seen it is carved away” I love the semicolon; proof that I am

archaic!

Sunday, May 10, 2020

Despite the spotty shower cap, I managed to get my hair wet this morning. I look like a very old Shirley

Temple. Dechlan came on the Box and an appeal by email from Welsh Baptist Union to support the local

Food Bank. Carmel well up to speed on that.

Christopher brought down 2 bush tomato plants and Christopher the gardener rang. Do we want anything?

Can he call to photograph the garden (now superb, in full bloom) to plan thinking out etc/after. The phone

went about 2pm. We were ordered to look out of the window. Paige in the little red car!! She came up the

drive, gloves on, mask on; big bunch of araun lillies for us. I haven’t seen her since 10 th March. Her hair

was piled up, very Bohemian but suites her. I had to hold John back, but I have to admit it was deeply

unsettling to keep oneself unemotional & controlled. We had to get a quart of conversation into a pink pot of

time. She wanted to tell me that Ruth has had his 2nd government letter, so he will again come under the

strictest protection rules. Very worrying. I busied myself with the Port Merion jug until I settled. I decided to

knit to calm myself down. Feeling a bit old today, like Whistler’s Mother.

Monday, May 11, 2020

We got up to find that the heating had come on. A freezing gale blowing from the NORTH EAST. Buckled

down to the washing & gave the bathroom my best shot. The big news today is the fragmentary of THE

GRAND PLAN. Boy, does Boris look rough. If ever there was proof that you should be careful what you

wish for, - just remember Boris in future. We are quite reconciled to staying in but miss company. Monday

usually means Barbara, Jack, Judith 3pm. The Bungalow is quiet most of the time. Music the last few days

has been such a help, even when Ricky came on VE day, the stuff I could get on YOUTUBE was

phenomenal. I played a lot of trombone. We had a good laugh about how you could get on during National

Service with the help of a trombone. Not much fun when he was learning, though.

I wrote a draft of 6 pages to help Ricky get his head around what the hospital may expect of him. No idea

when his investigation will proceed. He has bloods tomorrow & will pop up for the draft. Also wrote to Cecil,

my minister. He is pretty low in spirits, unable to follow his pastoral care at the Hospital or take the funerals

he should. He is brilliant for 77, but our need for him will be even greater when things open up again. There

will be so much distress in society. One must be realistic about the work sirenian, which will be dire. I have

been asked to judge present times again in the 1940’s. When war started, much of the nation went from

barely keeping the family in good health in 1930’s pays to a level of dietary control which nowadays would

not be acceptable. 1954 still saw shortages. 2020, the nation has gone from superabundance & self-

indulgence to curtailment & self-discipline; an expectation on the Government’s part of controlled, unselfish

adult behaviour. I’m afraid that many parts of society will not be able to reach the standard expected for

long term self-denial and altruism. Granted there is separation, danger of disease, lack of mobility, direction

of services. But married men like my lovely brother in-law are not being taken from their families for years,

have a rifle stuck in their hand, fight in Normandy, through BENELUX countries, cross the Rhine & end up

in Belsen convoying poor souls to survival hospitals. No, this is not like the WAR.

Tuesday, May 12, 2020

We got off to a good start and were ready for the nurse by 8:45am. She was late, however, and brought the

most dreadful news. A young woman from the village has thrown herself off the motor way bridge,

roadblocks & diversions all over. Death has been confirmed. She heard from A&E. I really do fear for these

young people, and I am sure there will be more like this. My mind kept churning over the possibility that it

could be one of the younger crafters, who all brag openly about being stressed & unable to cope. It chills

me – I wish they had all gone to Sunday School as children. It lays a good foundation for life.

I spent a lot of today writing letters, answering notes, doing e-mails. Like I am running short of tasteful note

paper and have only my lovely Paris notelets left. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, Emma

phoned to say Ben had been directed to the hospital late last night, for investigation. She took him in &

came home 3:30 am. When she rang as directed after 1:00 pm, he had been referred to Cardiac for

surgery tomorrow. I was stunned & John very upset. Took it in straight away. She is going with his mobile

and personal requirements. She has been ordered to go to reception only and use a disposable bag, as

nothing that comes in will be allowed out in discharge. Understandable & sensible, really. She is very upset,

and so am I because she should be in here with me so that I could give her the comfort she needs. He is in

the same ward John was in, so it is no good giving platitudes. He needs further tests, to be done later

today, but she has no idea what procedure will be needed. She rang of to tell Ben’s sister.

By the end of the day, I had an email from Zoe telling me that regular nursing care is in the pipeline for

Judith, starting with a physiotherapist & help with her breathing. I am writing this, but unable to do my

shopping list tonight. Too much has happened in one day. I feel useless in a crisis. Me, useless, never

been timoon before.

Wednesday, May 13, 2020

Up early, as I am taking over a trail dressing of toes to see how I get on. I got everything up & running for

the shopping, both of us presentable, toes done – (easy with the right dressings). I was glad to see Carol &

Ian. He was telling me about the new arrangements for trying cases in court (Ian is a TP). He says it will be

years before the backlog is dealt with. I had to have a rest after they had gone. I have lost my sparkle

today. Eventually I relayed all the news re Juidth to Janet. She told me in return that the young woman is a

psychology graduate and has been unable to cope with a bereavement, and that suicide seems the cause,

as it happened in the very early hours of Tuesday. She lives at the bottom end of the village, there seems

to be a concentration of misery there. Her poor parents!

I had the paper with my shopping. LUXURY!! We spent the afternoon in the garden room, just being

husband & wife. Another luxury that doesn’t come often. Ava emailed to say there is a misprint in the

knitting pattern, she confirmed with publishers. Thank God – nearly drove me mental.

Thursday, May 14, 2020

Now that I am doing the toes for Fred Astaire, I have been spared the ABLUTIONS. Off to a fine start, daily

letter off to Judith early. As John was in shoes, he wanted to do the delivery, and got there just as the

physio arrived, so he saw it taken in. He had never seen Jud’s key box used, and I had to explain the PIN

for the box. Did it go in? Doubtful. He looks so puzzled on times.

Did a good bit of cooking am, lunch 1:30 pm and had a lovely afternoon in study. I have sorted out all my D.

Day stuff for Alun, including the search for Luke’s grave etc. Now that it is all together, he can pour over it

and ask questions. I won’t be here for ever. After he finishes Harold MacMillan, this is ready. My eyes are

very sore today, like grit under lids. I have used boiled water & make up pads now, and won’t finish today.

Sorry, no clapping.

Friday, May 15, 2020

Just as I feared, I am affected by hay-fever. I have wheezed all day, very sleepy. Fed us on erotic

sandwiches. Nurse came for toes and told me to carry on & she will call once a week, on her rounds when

passing. Looks as if his crisis is over. Praise be! I packed it in today. Slept on & off in my miser chair. We

have only had finger food. He found the ice cream.

I took the time to listen to the news of the virus on TV today – all 3 agencies for balance. I have limited the

amount of statistical evidence being viewed. John’s ability to track the changes of the big news (?) through

time is long gone. The complexity of mathematical epidemiology worries and baffles him, so that I have

been going days only taking an interest in changes of the current lockdown laws, if & when they are

projected.

By looking at the situation in depth, I can see that we shall be in self-imposed withdrawal until a vaccine is

found. Most of the time we are fine. Crises get dealt with and pass. We are led by routine; calm, orderly,

clean and well fed. My husband is contented and shows no sign of further deterioration. Yet, I have this

funny felling I call “Great Expectations”, a low level dread that we shall never have support, physical or

medical, again; that the elderly, especially the really old, will be forgotten. It has always only been lipped

service, even when I was looking after the patients. I suppose this will be called ‘living’, but it will not be

‘life’, or not my idea of life anyway. I am getting more & more able to understand Crusoe’s reaction to

FRIDAY’S lost in the sand. Do I let them in? Do I stay safe?

Saturday, May 16, 2020

Our morning routine is once more our own, and working well. John has got used to TOES after

ABLUTIONS and before BREAKFAST. Played Tommy Dorsey throughout the moved along. Took my hay

fever tablet & did my eyes before the phone started. What a day, nonstop.

My exercise routine for John is working. 1st to Judith with her note. Then over to Norman’s to check the

garage & back door. He came back with 2 halves of a black bird egg! I have found a way to cure WALK-

ABOUT. Feed fish, change into slippers.

I have been overwhelmed by calls & emails today. Janet, Emma (Ben to have 2nd operation Monday – can

all be sorted out with STENTS – sounds good) Karen (sister in law) planning birthday surprise for John.

Alun, more bloods Monday, will come on to as. Daisy, Tiffany (young lady suicide related to the Williams’ is

it their daughter? Surely not). Karen (Chapel Secretary) talking me into ZOOM again. Not well enough, hay

fever very debilitating & eyes very puffy.

Then emails to be answered to Australia, Penarth, Kirk Oswald, Witchfield and Mansfield.

I wonder if Boris’s mother could do all that, make food, bed, tidy up, baby sit an 87 year old and still remain

pleasant & cope with her hayfever. She has only got Parkinsons. Piece of cake. Please, Mr Drakeford, let

the House helps come into us NEXT.

Sunday, May 17, 2020

Not feeling so rough today. Sat in the shower & had the water treatment. Just let it all run over me. Then I

went all Jenny Joseph and got out my purple pants & cable jumper & slipperettes in toning Aubergine.

That’s more me!

Got the lad on his routine, heard Aidan, arranged with Christopher for a hook up to the service at 3:30 pm.

Easy dinner Salmon, broc, beef tomato etc, went down well. After 4:00 pm, I warned Alun I was taking the

phone out & to ring on the mobile if he was needing anything. I also told the girls in case they feared the

worse. PROPER DAY ORF. (Sounds posh to ave!)

I feel guilty, but I have really been drained this week.

Monday, May 18, 2020

Very warm. Hay fever worse, eyes a big problem and a rash out over my face, shoulders, tops of arms

which is like a nettle rash. This shouldn’t happen on antihistamine. Plodded on anyway. Complete bed

change & resultant laundry. When Christopher rang, he insisted that I ring Surgery and asked Dr Green as

she is the only one of the “12 Apostles” who ran (?) the damned place who has seen me in this state in the

past. Had the good luck to be triaged by Jay and will get a call from Dr Green tomorrow. I believe him –

Emma has confirmed that Ben will have his last procedure today and will be home (hopefully) tomorrow.

Good news. Not so good for Judith, though nurses are coming in and she will be on liquid morphine. I am

slowly preparing John for bad news.

Alun arrived, swapped his empty Tupperware for full ones. I also went over the draft and explained his

options. These men with their hearts give me the pip. I was glad to have his stuff out of the freezer as we

have to defrost it, we are getting icebergs inside. We usually have it done for us by Carol, in The Good Old

Days.

Tuesday, May 19 2020

Looking ghastly and feeling worse. Laid out the problem of the freezer to John and he was all for us doing it

ourselves. It took us 10 minutes to find the right plug to switch it off. Took out all the trays and stashed them

in Shower room, swathed in towels to keep the cold IN. In the middle of chirping away and Dr Green rang,

(proof that there is a God!).

For the first time I could track her reasoning behind the questions she asked. She was alert straight away to

septicaemia, and as she has treated me for cellulitis previously, she was quite professional. She nearly had

a fit when I told her about lack of foot care for me. She instructed me to ring Central Clinic in her name &

give her number. She prescribed antibiotic & will organise them to me ASAP.

I took a good look at the bits & pieces of frozen vegetables and decided to bung them in the pressure

cooker with onions & sweet potato. The result was deluxe. For everything back by 2:30 pm. I had a mug of

soup & John had soup & sandwiches. I heard late that Ben came home 6:30 pm. Emma says he is black &

blue with felt tip arrows all over his chest, which have to wear off. I hope he feels better than me.

Wednesday, May 20, 2020

Imagine my surprise when the antibiotics appeared behind the door by 8:30 am. I’m very glad because I

feel like all the T dwarves except Doc & Happy.

Judith’s great niece, Cheryl, rang the bell and I had first hand news at last. Full time nursing and social care

starts for Judith tomorrow. She was quite upset, poor love. I think she has never had to face up to such

rapid deterioration. She gave me a letter in which Juidth asked me to be the one to tell her friends when the

time comes. I have always coped with everything, but I haven’t been so upset inside since Isabelle died.

I was back to my very croaky self when Emma rang with Ben, for a chat. He was his usual self but will be

watching himself from now on. His mother died at 58 with embolism. He has been lucky. A very good wife

in Emma. All shopping done & all letters posted, including Helen & Ruth 50th. We were to have such a

wonderful weekend, all of us together for 3 special anniversaries. Christian’s returned the deposit, no

problem there, but our time for family gatherings will not go on forever.

Thursday, May 21, 2020

The first telephone call of the day was the Podiatry HUB: I was GRILLED about my health, my feet, my

history, my husband, home access, do we have a dog!! And then told I would have a call back – which I

did. 20 minutes later. A lady will call to see to any poor old feet this pm 3:30. HOORAY. She can see my

rash then too. I have to put John in the Garden Room, and wash feet 1 hour before. Provide a clean towel.

We got our act together and had early lunch. I practiced John in Garden Room & me in lounge where the

Riser chairs are. My turn now. She arrived 3:40 and backed into our drive – vary impressive. By the time

she kitted herself up, John was in garden room with his word search book doing the Mind Gym, and only I

saw the Yellow Peril that came in, marked BIO HAZARD. That’ll teach me!! Complete with Welders Mask &

Mouth Cover.

She was lovely. Tested the pulses in my feet, looked at the problem and told me I must be in agony, which I

knew already. She was amazed at the scar from sural nerve operation and that such biopsies were done to

eliminate the diagnosis of MS. I just said I was glad I didn’t have it. She had so much work to do. She did

not leave until 4:50pm. I have to have toe guards now. She also told me that Dr Green feared “Social

Collapse” of the favourite unit. Good for her. Everything went out in Another Yellow Bag. BIO HAZARD.

Perhaps I’ll have a bell with the toe guards & instruments to shout out “Unclean” when approached. After

today I understood why Spike Milligan put that inscription on his grave. “I told them I was ill” Nicola,

however, couldn’t do enough for one and is reporting to Doctor.

Friday, May 22, 2020

Spoke to Paige early, hoping it would be a good day for their Golden Wedding, but Ruth is very poorly. She

had already started to get flowers, cards & gifts in porch. It is absolutely demoralising to be as helpless as

this in the face of family need. I rang Ava and warned her to ring later, and told her that that flowers, card &

parcel had all arrived safely. She promised to TEXT surprise before Facetiming.

I put a selection of finger food into the fridge & quietly gave up. I told Ricky I was going to have an “Old

Lady’s Day”, to let the pills work. There is no improvement yet. So I put a selection of finger food in the

fridge, and showed John what to do for food. He was delighted at the signs of all the stuff he usually is not

allowed. Especially the crisps and Kitkat on kitchen table. He kept the drinks going, water & even made

HORLICKS in time for Tipping Point, so I him Aide de Camp. He broke his double egg cup today and

needed a lot of coaxing. I can always win him over with food, just like a child or dog, really.

It has been a howling gale all day, we have had the heating on. Quite under the weather. It could be the

antibiotic. Finishing this at 5:30 pm. Try again tomorrow.

Saturday, May 23, 2020

We got up late for us, but I had benefitted from a good sleep. Rash still bad, though, but eyes improved a

bit. I coped with the phone by telling the callers that I was cooking. What a whopper, but it worked. Paige

was different – in tears and does not know how she will cope. Griff has brought up the old Baby Alarm, to

give her a break when Ruth is sleeping. She sounds like she is coming to the end of her capacity to support

him. I let her pour it all out and urged her to tell the Boys. She is upset now because she had a phone call

telling her to expect a food delivery – that all shielded patients are to be supported by the Government.

Naturally, Ruth would go mad if he knew, so I told her to tell him whoppers, like I do with John. He is too far

gone to know the intricacies of shielding, let alone home support. She feels so much – too much on times.

We watched Citizen Kane this afternoon, Loved it. When the second wife was going the jig-saw, up John

piped “We had a good jig saw team on the ship” Now where did that come from? Later I asked him if we

could do a jig saw together & he seemed quite open to the idea. Made up my mind to ask Ava, how to get

one, or ask Rhiannon if there is someone with spares.

I put on the Sky News and was soon raving mad. Who the deuce does that piece of human garbage

Dominic Cummings think he is. Lord God Almighty? Afterall, I have been through these last days & weeks,

to find out that he had been able to “turn to his family” is ODROUS. He is trivialising the needs of the nation

by ignoring string out laws we have impoverished our very lives keeping – and keeping to the letter. I

would really offer him nothing but violence & contempt if ever I had the misfortune to meet the wreck of

humanity that he is. He cannot even have SELF RESPECT, going about as he does in formal areas, let

alone respect for us as a nation. He wouldn’t have lasted a day working for me – I would have had him

OUT. I would have defended myself in any court for my actions, too, and won. I eat little men like him for

breakfast.

Sunday, May 24, 2020

I was pleased to see this morning that I am not the only one who feels like my last night’s rant. I can see a

P45 on the horizon for Dominic. His parents could soon be seeing more of him than they want!

I had an expected, but dreaded, call from Ellie at 9:30 am. Poor Victor has passed away, and she is very

upset. As he was Minister, the phone was non-stop for 2 hours. What a wonderful brain. An Oxford M.A

and a D.D. He went to away with the Christian delegation at the time of Glasnost, and he really pushed us

to go as soon as we could for the cultural sights – art, architecture, public statury, etc. Never sorry that we

took his advice. I shall miss an erudite and genuine friend – A brain like his should be allowed to live on. All

that reasoning and clarity of thought lost forever. A pity Dr Carlo is now at Uni. The family will have to do

the arrangements and Grettle in will stay on in the House, but I can’t see her lasting very long. I hope that

John goes before me, he could never cope with “Maa” not there for him. On top of that the Zoom failed

partially.

Evening news broadcasts and everyman & his dog are having their say about the Cummings situation. I

recall reading about John Dee & DEI, her court “magician”, but this idiot is more of a Rasputin figure. And I

wish someone would donate an iron & ironing board to this “National Treasure’s” wife, and give her lessons

on their use in an average household. My husband was never, ever in such a state, in public or in private.

Even now he is in collar & tie on a Sunday evening in his own house.

Monday, May 25, 2020

Bank Holiday, but really like a normal Monday, so I kept up routines. Feeling a bit off still, and I think by

now the pills should have worked. I made a fruit birthday cake, muffins & cup-cakes. Absolutely stunned

that the man in charge of the support teams in with Juidth has asked HER how she intends PAYING. She

has gone into panic mode & I promised to sort it. I rang Rhiannon (councillor), explained that it could be a

misunderstanding from the onset & she will follow up. Emailed Zoe in Spain, to involve the family. Officials

will not speak to friends, like we should not be privy - how do the poor manage? Convinced her not to

worry. Janet went down with Hannah & spoke through the window. The poor girl delivering her MEDS was

there, was furious & has put it in her report.

Tuesday, May 26, 2020

I had a surprise telephone call from Dr Green at 9:10 am. No one was more surprised than me!! Nicola had

taken photos of various bits of me last Thursday & included my face & head & sent them on. Dr Green

contacted Dermatology Oncologist, and I am to have 8 weeks oral medication and a special salve for the

cancer area, this latter to come, so she only knows that “it will appear”. Pills coming tomorrow. I can’t

believe it, no one in the medical world has even done this for me unless I have paid for private care. I think I

must be one step away from Heaven’s Gate to have this sort of care.

I wrote 5 letters, 1 card and sent 3 emails, and kept John busy with an old picnic basket of plastic stuff – he

washed & dried and fiddled about for 2 hours – very happy.

Email back from Zoe & copied to Rhiannon. Family has asked for volunteer to HELP Judith complete forms.

She can’t write properly now, her spelling is hay wire, words muddled up. In my temper, I asked one not

help live “How do you ask a friend if she has been given less than to live?” It appears that a prognosis of

that nature would mean all case is free!! There must be rules, I know, but does not common humanity come

into it somewhere?

Just as I felt the day was getting to me, Emily rang to tell me Gideon had just passed away. She has only

been 10 weeks since diagnosis. Jo & Alban will see the bungalow right and undertaker, etc then back.

Emailed Jo, only 4 words. Poor things. All so surreal. I now feel as if I am living in a totalitarian society and I

don’t like it. Too many rules; to many deaths.

Wednesday, May 27, 2020

The jolly shoppers arrived and took my list and brought a Birthday cake and a card for me. HOORAY. At

least he’ll have something. I ordered a savoury hamper from Butcher to come up Friday as his birthday

present. Then the Amazon parcel came from Karen (sister) and I hid it away. Took all veg left and made a

veggie soup for tomorrow. Ricky came up & I did his swop over & put in a box of muffins and cakes as a

treat. He looks dreadful. Had been to Leah’s, God knows why, but he hadn’t heard from her since 6/5/20

(his birthday). Don’t ever let me see a tear in that girl’s eye for her father, EVER, or she’ll know what God

mothers are for. I bet it will be a case of “where there’s a will, there’s a relative”. Please God I’m gone by

then.

The chickens are starting to come home to roost for Boris & his Government. How many excuses can be

made? People are breaking free, and we shall be back to square one. I would love to hear his

conversations with The Queen. I hope he can see her and is on the end of “THE LOOK”. I can do “THE

LOOK” myself, have been able to since my 40’s. It works better than words.

Thursday, May 28, 2020

2nd day of the new pills. Swallow with glass of water and food and stand up for 30 mins! They had better

work with all that palaver. John back & forth twice to Judith’s. Took her Kilmer jar of soup as carer said she

would do it for her lunch. Jud loves my soup, so I’m taking it to mean she can still taste.

The jigsaw arrived and we put the table up in the dining room with the pad on it and he spent an hour

picking out edge pieces while I did a bit of cleaning.

Jo emailed to ask if I could suggest a poem for G’s funeral, directed her to Rosetti in English & suggested

she ask Paige for Welsh as she has set Welsh verse to music for The National and should have a library of

stuff.

I could only clap from the window. This last couple of weeks has aged me. Dr Green rang again, but more

for a chat to see if I’m tolerating the meds. She has advised us not to go out, whatever the law says. She is

keeping her father in on his own until vaccine comes. Poor man. He played Rugby for Wales. All that

camaraderie and we are all incarcerated.

Friday, May 29, 2020

The hamper arrived from the Butcher 9:30 am. Masses of it, like we have a Guest House. Happy with cash

& gave him a nice little tip, clean, fresh complexioned big lad, sorry he had to leave it in porch – and looked

like he meant it. More cards came with the post. It was Gavin today. Wanted to have him in & give him a

hug, but we 3 had a chat through Wed.

Incredibly hot, very light lunch and lazy pm. I told Ricky that only the mobile was on and pulled plug on

phone.

We had an e-card for John on the Tablet from Nancy (OZ) Playing “I do like to be beside the seaside”, it

was so evocative of us taking the 3 girls to Limeslade & having ice cream on the way home. Even like our

old striped deckchairs. We played it over & over. John thinks it is like magic. He says “Paul Daniels does

things like this” each time it is on

Did a bit more jig saw. Long job ahead for me, I can see.

Saturday, May 30, 2020

Poor Jud’s card came up today. Was very touched because she had obviously tried to make over.

Rambling inside, spelling all to pot, not her lovely script, and just a hint of her spontaneous flow. Makes me

weep. She is obviously still worried about costs. Also, long talk to Barbara as I ironed. She phoned to say

that her main job has gone, Burton’s shop closing down. She will be paid something until August &

redundancy. She is another woman alone who will be on the bread line after this.

I cleared up all my bits of laundry & housework to have a day off tomorrow for the Birthday Boy. 88!! I’m

warmed to an old man! I diverted his attention from the news all day today because he thinks we shall be

able to have a taxi anywhere next week! These stupid people – why don’t they put an English Flag up on

Screen to show that new measures only apply to England. They are quick enough with ingenious

advertising – why not do something informative. Everyone will be everywhere now. Glad of Dr’s warning &

will heed. Very hot today. 2 showers each.

Sunday, May 31, 2020

Up early, showered each, early breakfast & opened cards with John. Took ages, reminding him who each

person is. Then the phones, non-stop. Had to pull the plug in the end and make lunch. 3 messages which

followed up & put him to watch OKLAHOMA at 2:15. He sat with Nancy’s (his sister) card & gift on his lap.

A DVD of the Repair Shop. He will love that, Good old Nancy; hit the spot. Barbara’s daughter called with

flowers for our anniversary next Thursday & a card & Old Spice for John. Straight after came Paige with

flowers, box of biscuits, tin of sweets, cards, etc, so we started over again. Who is this from? – the eternal

questions. I can hear myself exactly like my mother, explaining, placating, wheedling (?), pacifying, singing

little daft songs as I coax a 6 ft 3, who really is my husband. If I ever wondered why we did not have

children, well the answer is to give him all my time now. No one else claims me.

By the time I got around to the next meal it was 6:45 pm, so I put birthday cake etc on the trolley, comfort

before elegance.

I have been finishing the diary for May. It is now 11:45 pm. A very long day. Since the lockdown started I

have had less & less sleep and yet more has been asked of me. I am functioning now as efficiently in a

managerial capacity as I ever was, which has surprised me. It is just like riding a bike, you never forget

how! My humour has kept up. I could do a good 30 mins stand-up on the Podiatry Hub above! I have had

surprises other than that – namely Dr Green’s attitude. Even she asked did I think her father could take

prolonged isolation – I am 8 years older than he, so she must have thought “Ask someone that age gully

corpus mentis”. I have been writing sympathy letters, much more satisfying than a card. I have discussed

the arrangements at crematoria, twice with people I barely know. And the phone, some days, has been like

the Silver Line call centre. But it is getting done, and it is gratifying that people who know me & know of me

feel able to approach me despite my age – or maybe it is because of my age. We can all do with someone

that bit older when the next step in life is uncertain.

I shall ask Dr Ward tomorrow about supportive evidence and offer a few samples, especially of back up for

Ashley’s Key Stage. Old and young become real friends.