Corona Diaries

Catherine

“Throughout this life, you can never be certain of living long enough to take another breath”.

Background Information

Female, Aged 65-74, Retired Human Services Research Consultant, Alberta, Canada, Ukrainian,

Married with three children, Heterosexual.

The Prelude

January to February 29, 2020

In late 2019 I was focussed exclusively on family. I had just said goodbye to my daughters and their

partners and my dear little granddaughter after a treasured Christmas visit. On December 30 th at 5:50 AM I

held my aunt’s hand as she took her last breath. Aunt Jul was the last of four fabulous sisters, my mother

included, to leave our world. Days following included several families get together with one final party to

celebrate my aunt’s life. Looking back on this time from our COVID-19 lens highlights just how special a

time this was. Some 30 individuals, founded by 11 remaining cousins and their families, gathered closely

together, sharing hugs, food and drink, completely innocent and without fear. It was a fabulous party!

During the month of January, I noticed the few news stories coming out of China about a strange disease,

possibly transmitted from animal to human. My ears perked up. I have always been interested in population

health and have had a soft spot for the unrecognized importance of public health for the well-being of each

of us and our world. I had also heard of the potential impact of climate change on the transmission of new

diseases. I wanted to believe that this new virus would be contained in China but deep inside I knew it

would not be easy to confine. Our world has become so intertwined and the magnitude of travel b etween

and across countries is substantial.

Things unravelled slowly enough for most of us to ignore, allowing us to keep doing what we had become

accustomed to. Examining the progression of the virus provides another story: January 7 thChina

acknowledges that they are dealing with a “novel virus”; January 15th the first case is found in British

Columbia, Canada; January 20th the first case is diagnosed in the US; January 23rd China puts Wuhan City

in Hubei Province on lockdown; January 30th WHO declares a Public Health Emergency of International

Concern; and by January 31st the virus has been found in 21 countries and there are around 9976 cases

worldwide.

I heard reactions from civil libertarians who stated that the western world would not ever see a quaran tine

or lockdown without strong reactions and protests. China, with its totalitarian regime, can get away with it

but not us in the free “democratic” western world. Others speculated that China would feel the worst of the

virus. Over the month of January, thousands or perhaps millions of people had left the epicentre of the virus

and scattered across the world, in many cases innocently also spreading the virus.

In my world it was business as usual albeit with an undertone of angst and doubts alternatively flooding my

mind. An international public health emergency has been declared by the WHO, yet no one in my province

or my country seems overly concerned. Should I be? In mid-February, I travel by airplane to British

Columbia from Alberta, which is my home, for a visit with family and although the topic of the virus comes

up it does not alter any of our behaviours. We still visit large, crowded stores, restaurants and coffee shops.

We use congested public transit. I can only recall being generally cognizant of the potential spread of the

virus, and I did take to washing my granddaughter’s hands thoroughly after her time at the play gym. No

other concrete action was taken by myself or others I shared time with.

There is limited local news about the virus, but I am somewhat secretly worried about the case or cases

that have been detected in the Lower Mainland, where I am visiting, and hope that the people who are

infected are isolated as is reported by health officials. Our visit goes well. As we return home, we say our

goodbyes to family as if we can and will always be able to see each other whenever we desire.

Back at home I was immersed in a flurry of activity: I attended:

• a face-to-face meeting with 6 people to talk about an upcoming event

• a townhall meeting in a community hall with approximately 150 people

• my regular Pilates sessions on Tuesday and Thursday mornings

• Regular swimming practice at a public recreation centre, shared by many other people

• a meeting about “Next Level Green Building” held in an auditorium with some 100 others

• a dance performance in a crowded theatre, again with around 200 people

• a “March for What Matters” protest march in response to government cuts in health care and

education, spending about 3 hours in close contact with the thousands of participants

• another dance performance in a less crowded theatre of about 120 people

And almost every other day, I enjoyed a coffee or a meal in a café or restaurant and relied on public transit

for transportation. I know that I also shopped at groceries stores at least a few times. Further my specific

activities included:

• having a Solar PV system and back up battery system installed on our house

• having a couple of people over for a dinner party on a Friday evening, followed by

• hosting a group potluck with 11 people attending on the very next evening.

• The following Sunday my husband and I facilitated a community meeting to talk about climate

change and how our community might prepare and respond to a climate emergency (little did we

know that only a few weeks later we would be faced with a different and very profound emergency).

• As part of a No One Dies Alone volunteer program, I sat vigil with Marg as she passed away

• I had a regular visit with my friend Mabel, a resident in a continuing care home, whom I have been

visiting for close to 2 years.

• I went for a Rolfing session with my favourite therapist

• I ended the month meeting with many people on several occasions to bring together art pieces and

set up an art auction at a local hotel that would then host some 70 people.

In other words, I saw a lot of people and the notion of physical distancing was never considered, in fact it

was the opposite, lots of hand shaking, hugs, kisses and close quarters.

Up to this point the chatter about the virus that now had a name: COVID-19; was still minimal but it had

begun to be brought up sometimes. Mostly what was talked about was what was happening in other

countries, namely China and now Italy and Iran both of which had more and more cases. Restrictions in

travel had begun but again seemed focussed on moving people out of China and the restriction of flights in

and out of Italy by various airlines. This all seemed distant from the perspective of what was happening and

the response of Canadian governments. Canadians in Wuhan city were trying to get home to Canada and

our government was intervening, but the urgency and the risk of the virus for us in our country was still

considered low. This in turn allowed most if not all people to continue with “things as usual” with little or no

change to regular activities. This would be turned on its head come March.

March 1st to 31st, 2020

March 2020 has been a monumental month. Everything changed and changed quickly. What was the norm

at the beginning of the month seems almost a distant memory? I am still the same person, but I exist in a

very different way, foreign to how I have lived most of my life.

I was confined once before after having had radioactive treatment for a thyroid disorder. My three children

were young, all under the age of 7, and for 10 days I was not allowed to be near them. There was a risk

that they could be impacted by stray radioactive particles still hanging onto or exuding from my body. My

isolated confinement was also required to allow my body to go through the process of shutting down my

thyroid gland as all remaining thyroid hormones took their last breaths, so to speak. I stayed upstairs in my

bedroom by myself, counting on deliveries of tea and food by my husband. The first few days I felt relatively

normal but that progressed to a point where I felt ill and needed to be in bed. I finally hit “rock bottom” which

in this case was the sign that was needed by my endocrinologist so he could prescribe replacement thyroid

hormones. My isolation passed and I was able to go beyond the occasional sneak peek from my children to

reuniting in person, hugs allowed once again. I do not recall any other time in my life where I have been

confined as I am now.

Early on in March I continued to go swimming and attending Pilates classes and going to cafes. The

connection between international travellers and a positive COVID-19 diagnosis was now common

knowledge, although restrictions related to travellers were minimal. I could not help but wonder whether any

of the people I was sharing the swimming pool with had been anywhere exotic recently. I began to be more

conscious about what I touched. Although my radar was up, my world and the world around me still

appeared to be the same as always, everything was “normal”.

A trip to the coast

A trip to Vancouver that had been planned for some time was still on the books. We were to leave on

March 7th and return on March 30th. I was hesitant to go, what if I got sick while away from home? What if

the spread of the disease accelerated? At that time there were no reported cases of Covid-19 in my

province but there were some in the Vancouver area. The decision to proceed with the trip was based on

our commitment to house sit for friends and then to babysit our granddaughter while our daughter

rehearsed for a dance performance that I was looking forward to watching. Besides, no one else seemed

too concerned with the influence of the virus on our daily lives, no restrictions were in place in Canada.

The extremely quiet airport heightened my anxiety about the trip, and I was comforted by the waiter in the

restaurant who said that it was always quiet on Saturdays. My need to believe that all was okay led me to

believe him. The woman wearing a face mask in the seat next to me on the plane shot my anxiety back up.

All my anxiety was washed away once we arrived at our daughter and son-in-law’s home for a brief

stopover before heading onto the next portion of our trip. Being with family was all good. Being together

was all that counted.

The next portion of our trip on March 8th, included a ferry from Vancouver to the Sunshine Coast of BC, a

voyage we had taken many times before. In retrospect I did not think about the virus and catching it while

on the ferry, my focus was on spending two weeks in a beautiful home perched on the rugged coast along

the Georgia Strait. When we arrived at our friend’s home there was a volley of jokes about whether we

could still hug in greeting and how they may not be able to return home if my husband and I were required

to quarantine in place. My friend shared her concern about her trip to Bali that was planned for late April,

and we agreed that it was probably “up in the air”. While sharing dinner with a few more friends that

evening my focus was on catching up and looking forward to hikes, swims and quiet time. The fact that two

of my friends had recently returned from an extended stay in South American never crossed my mind.

Being in this house and setting was in a way like “being home”, we had lived in this house on many

occasions and felt so very comfortable. The setting was stunning. Sitting on the rocks overlooking the

ocean, watching the eagles and the seals has always been exceptionally calming for my restless soul and

as I look back now, I realize just how lucky I was to have a refresher in this felt sense of serenity. Little did I

know at the time that this sense would help to hold me together in the days to come.

After seeing our friends off on their way to visit family in Ontario, Canada, my husband and I settled in for

our stay. Grocery shopping, visits to the local and one of our favourite thrift shops and a bite to eat in the

Japanese eatery. My anxiety regarding the Public Health Emergency of International Concern that we were

in the midst of dropping to a low level. On March 9th, we joined a large group of the local hikers on a hike

through the rainforest. Always a pleasure.

We listened to friends talk about just returning from various parts of the world and to others who were

excited about taking off to places like Hawaii, Mexico and Europe over the next several days. I wondered

about the wisdom of their choices and bit my tongue rather than ask them about whether they should go. I

had made the trip to the coast, hadn’t I? We made arrangements to get together with people, for dinners,

hikes or whatever, over the next two weeks of our stay.

A few days into our stay, my anxiety about being away from home and the continuing spread of the virus in

Canada was rising. My province of Alberta now had its first case and there had been a few deaths in BC.

On March 11th we met friends for dinner at the local pub. It was quiet in the area we were sitting which I

found reassuring. We were surrounded by TV screens all tuned in on the news. As our friends talked about

the vacation to Mexico they would take with their children and grandchildren in a few day’s time, Trump

announced that he was closing the US borders to people from the EU. This had no impact on our friends

who were confident that they would be okay to go to Mexico. It made my stomach lurch.

It was also on March 11th, 2020, that the WHO declared the COVID-19 viral disease as a pandemic. It was

now present in at least 114 countries and had killed more than 4,000 people.

The next day I broached the subject of going home early with my daughter. Was there any talk about her

performance being cancelled? Would her rehearsal still proceed? The B.C. government had by this time

limited social gatherings to less than 250 people, surely this would mean a dance performance in a large

theatre would not proceed. This decision had not been reached but my daughter understood my worry

about sticking around for another 3 weeks before going home. We decided to sit on it for a few days. It did

not take that long.

Realizing vulnerability

I had learned more about how the virus attacked the body and this worried me. Although I usually consider

myself to be healthy, I have struggled with my respiratory system. This included bouts of bronchitis as a

young adult, a suspected diagnosis of asthma and I have a tendency to suffer with allergies in the spring

and fall. In 2009 the world was battling the H1N1 virus, another novel virus like COVID-19. We had

travelled around Greece and then travelled by cruise ship to Istanbul during this time. The couple we were

travelling with shared our lack of concern about the virus, it was a non-issue for our adventures. Perhaps it

was a matter of timing, there was little said about the virus before we left for our vacation, and it only

became a more prevalent news item as we travelled or perhaps it was our naivety that allowed us to ignore

it. That was until after a few days in Istanbul I developed a cough that would not go away. The morning

after I was up most of the night gasping for breath between coughing episodes, we flagged down a cab and

went to the “German Hospital”. The care and attention I received was amazing and the physician I was

seen by was efficient and compassionate in his approach. Knowing that I was to fly home the next day, he

stated that he would not confirm that I had H1N1 and prescribed enough medication to keep my coughing

and fever at bay. He said he “wanted me to get home”. We made it past the flimsy checkpoints at airport

security and safely home. I was sick in bed for a few weeks and do not recall ever being so ill. And then two

years ago, once again while away from home, on the Sunshine Coast, I suffered with a cough that

prevented me from sleep or anything else for that matter. The 12-hour driving journey home, my husband

doing all the driving, was intense. When I finally saw a doctor, I was diagnosed with walking pneumonia

and again prescribed medications that over a few days allowed me to breathe and get some sleep.

The COVID-19 virus scared the crap out of me! I know what it feels like to not be able to breathe and I do

not want to experience any version of that again. Interestingly, it was not until writing these very words that

I realized why I have been so freaked out by this pandemic. On an intellectual level I knew that I was

vulnerable but now I know how much I felt this vulnerability. It was guiding my decisions.

A new way of seeing the world

March 13th was the day that I began to see the world very differently. I was no longer an individual who had

the freedom to do whatever I chose; I could no longer take the things that I had taken for granted as such. I

was one component of an ecosystem that was now out of whack, and I could clearly see that my actions

and decisions were influenced by and would be influencing others and the whole system.

I needed to be home, in my house, so I could protect myself and others alike. I felt desperate. The path was

clear, and things were set in motion. I contacted my friends who we were housesitting for and was relieved

that they understood completely. They were also desperate to get home as they waited for matters to line

up for them. A neighbour of theirs who had also been away in Norway but returned early as a result of the

escalating case count in Norway would look after the house as she self-isolated at her home. My daughters

also appreciated our change in plans. We would have a few days with them and then fly back home.

March 13th was the date that our Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced that Canadians should not

proceed with any international travel. He asked that people stay in the country and if they wanted to travel

during the upcoming school break, they should travel within the country. Our friends cancelled their

Mexican vacation. Some airlines had already reduced their international flights. I was anxious about

restrictions that might be put on domestic travel within Canada including the ferry that kept us from the

mainland.

Saturday March 14th we were first in line for the ferry which would take us back to Vancouver where we

spent the weekend with our daughters and their families. On this ferry ride, only a week later, people stayed

away from each other, and BC Ferry employees nervously walked around cleaning everything, over and

over again.

We had worked through the backlogs to cancel our return flight scheduled for the end of the month and

were able to book another flight for the 17th of March. The price of the one-way flight was outrageous, and I

stated that I would write a letter of complaint once we were safely home. This never transpired, I was so

grateful to the pilots and the flight attendants for being there to get us home.

Contact was made with family back home. My son and sister were relieved that we were heading home

early. The freshness of the pandemic impact was evident in the response from another sister who asked

why we were heading home early, “is it because of the virus?”. I learned that dear friends, who were meant

to complete a two month stay in Portugal at the beginning of April, were heading home on the 15 th of

March. I was happy to hear that they would be home early.

Having our escape route planned I could focus on the days ahead, time we had with my family in

Vancouver before heading home. Cognizant of the new thinking about restricting exposure to infected

individuals and the possible transmission in close and particularly large gatherings we still ventured out for

walks with a stop at our favourite local coffee shop. I noticed other people’s behaviour, mostly that no one

seemed to be acting any differently. For example, I watched one woman get out of a car outside the café,

cough into her hands, wipe them on her pants and then walk into the café. Watching her order her coffe e

and then proceed to use those same hands to pour creamer, from the communal jug into her coffee was a

demonstration of just how quickly the virus might be spread. I was happy we had finished our coffee before

she arrived. This was the behaviour, ingrained lack of hygiene, that we were all guilty of and which we all

now had to take notice of. It was not going to be easy. I thought of Howard Hughes, the first celebrity

germaphobe I had heard of when I was much younger. Now I wondered how the current germaphobes

were coping with our new world.

A family get together with both daughters and their partners was enjoyed by all of us, even though the

weight of the pandemic lay upon us. Hugs were still in our repertoire. We knew that our days of being

together were slowly being taken away. We chatted about the restrictions that had been announced by our

governments, provincial and national and wondered how much further things could go. It was anyone’s

guess at that point. Hope for a quick resolution of the situation was strong.

Spending time with my granddaughter, now 15 months old, had always been special but the threat of the

virus and how it would send each of us to our own little corners of the world made this time feel out of the

ordinary. How do I fit in more of everything in this limited time left? How do I communicate to someone so

young that this separation is not my choice? How do I keep from worrying about inadvertently making her

ill? How do I stop from fretting that she or her parents might become ill and my inability to help them from

the distance that will separate us?

On the evening before we were to depart, we enjoyed each other’s company and a few bottles of wine. I do

not recall the details of our conversation, only the feeling that we love and want the best for each other. An

angel was by my side, allowing me to wake up feeling refreshed rather than foggy and dragging from

imbibing a bit too much. I was torn, wanting to spend more time with my granddaughter and her parents

and wanting to get to the airport and get home.

This was a sad goodbye. Ever present in my mind is the image of my daughter, tears in her eyes, holding

my dear granddaughter, her gentle wave goodbye. I held my tears in until we were up the drive and on our

way. Now this was real, our geographical distance apart was a big deal. When would I be able hug, to

touch, to play with my granddaughter? Technology of course offers us options and we will use them, but I

have always been a hands-on kind of person. We will have to make do but this was not a happy thought.

On the way to the airport my mind switched to the mechanics of getting through airport security, avoiding

the crowds and getting on that plane that would take me home. Entering the airport was surreal, there were

lines of people waiting for assistance yet there was an overtone of silence. Gazing to my side as I did the

final check in, I noticed that the man beside me was in full hazmat gear! Not too comforting! Was he sick or

was he just trying to protect himself? I didn’t want to stick around to find out. Security was a breeze and we

now had time on our hands. We braved a bite to eat at a restaurant, unusually quiet according to the

waiter/manager. He spoke with us for some time about the fears of his staff about coming to work and at

the same time not having work. He told us how many restaurants had already shut down, particularly in the

international part of the airport and how eventually they would as well. I think I washed my hands at least

three times during our time there.

Another hour and we could board our plane. I gulped when I saw the people, deplaning from the plane we

would board, all wearing face masks. Again, I wondered was this because they were sick or afraid of

getting sick. I hoped the plane was being thoroughly cleaned.

The flight home was interesting, there must have been 6 or 7 pilots on deadhead flights to Edmonton. Most

of the remaining passengers had come from international flights, Lebanon, Bali, Taiwan, Germany. Egypt

were a few places we heard mentioned. The woman sitting beside me was from Edmonton and had just

been in Vancouver for the weekend, a small comfort? When the wheels hit the tarmac, I was overwhelmed,

so happy to be home but still trying to tug my heart away from Vancouver and those I love so much. We

had planned on taking a taxi home and I was relieved that we had because if my son had come to pick us

up, I would have lost it, a puddle of tears.

I felt my shoulders relax as I walked in the front door of our very comfortable home. This was where we

would begin yet another adventure forced upon us by the Covid-19 pandemic.

I am home

Mission accomplished, I was home. My husband and I had decided that, after being in the Vancouver

airport and sharing the flight home with so many international travellers, we would self-isolate for 14 days

just to be safe. The 14-day self-isolation standard for returning international travellers was still a

recommendation at this point and before long would become mandatory. Our decision to follow this

standard was important to me as I did not know if I was a carrier, and I did not want to spread it if I was.

We were going to do this right and that meant no grocery store shop-ups or any other trips. My sister and

son would have been happy to get some stuff for us, but my plan was to shop online. Little did I know that

this was the plan of countless others. It took me close to an hour to get registered on the grocery store

website and then there was the shock of a two and a half week wait for delivery of groceries. We opted for

a pick-up which was only a one and a half week wait. Surely it would be okay if we just had the groceries

dumped into the trunk of our car, right? It had to be.

The waiting time before our pick-up meant making do with what we had on hand. We eat a whole food

plant-based diet which means eating mostly fresh vegetables and fruits, grains and legumes and no meat

or dairy. Avoiding processed foods is part of the strategy so our pantry had very little in the way of

processed food on hand. Luckily, our nephew had been staying at our house in our absence and we had

left some fresh veggies and fruit for him to eat and thankfully he had not done so. We had fresh cauliflower,

onions, sweet potatoes and potatoes and frozen peas. And we did have cans of beans and coconut milk,

this meant we were off to the races with one of our favourites: curry coconut yam soup. I did miss the

carrots! Then there was all the frozen soups, stews, baked beans and bread that we had stuffed in our

freezer. That this food now saw the light of day served us well and made us feel a bit like we had been

prepared for this day. We had begun to use oat milk for our tea and coffee and had plenty of tetra -paks in

our larder in the basement, so we were set for morning and afternoon tea and coffee breaks. Any snacks

like potato chips/crisps or tortilla chips had disappeared from our pantry and this was probably a good

thing, it would have been my go-to but it also was not good for my occasional reflux that was stirred up by

these tasty treats. I had also avoided having any of these snacks put into our online cart, disappointing but

the right thing to do. After a few days I checked another grocery chain and found I could get a pickup

sooner than March 26th so I put an order in; we would get our fresh vegetables on March 22nd.

Now that we had food sorted out the rest of the situation slammed me in the face. There was no falling

back into the established routine of swimming on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and Pilates on Tuesday

and Thursday. We were home two weeks early so our calendar was fairly clear of other appointments and

events but the realization that most if not all events would be cancelled hit hard. My volunteer work which

included visiting Mabel at the care centre every Wednesday, being on call for No one Dies Alone and

assisting with setup and serving at birthday parties at the care centre were all off limits. The care centres

could not risk having volunteers added to the mix and I did not want to jeopardize the health of these

vulnerable individuals by spreading any germs, COVID-19 or otherwise. The fundraising casino for the arts

group I am on the Board for had been cancelled. My husband’s medical appointments would have to wait.

Our Feast Among Friends, a monthly potluck at our house would have to be put on hold indefinitely. A

scheduled meeting between friends I had not seen for some time would also have to wait. And then there

was our hope that our son’s wedding planned for July 24, 2020, would be able to happen. He and his

fiancée stated that they were stressed about whether they would be able hold their wedding yet seemed so

matter of fact about it. I was proud of them. So many examples of being with other people that now were

not allowed. How would we cope?

I am a social being, as are all humans, and I thrive when I am with others: sharing food; just visiting; talking

or debating; making plans, talking to strangers, meeting new people and just being together. These

activities were now forbidden. I understood the strategy, that people kept apart will help to limit the spread

or at least release the spread slowly over time and thus not overwhelm the health care system. I was happy

to do my part; besides I was afraid to be around too many people especially those I did not know; they

might be sick.

Being apart from my family we left in Vancouver tore at my soul. I fluctuated between wanting to get them

on a plane to bring them to our place and knowing that there was still uncertainty about our health and thus

our risk to them. There was speculation about whether my daughter and granddaughter would be able to

visit over Easter as planned. I hoped so. I hated being separated from them and I hated that I had no idea

how long we would be apart. I was not happy with the situation and not ready to let it go.

During the first week of self-isolation, I startled at every sniffle, sneeze or cough. Did I have the virus? If I

did how sick would I be? Would I have a mild version? Ironically all these worrying thoughts made me feel

sick. My suggestibility and hypervigilance were on extra high alert. I had moments of anxiety that produced

flushed cheeks which in turn intensified my anxiety. At one point my temperature was elevated by 0.1

degree which even at that failed to bring it past 37.5. This sent me over the top. I was caught in a loop that I

needed to escape from. Walks in our local ravine helped to successfully reset my psyche and I could relax

until the next sniffle or sore throat. I could intellectualize the situation, telling myself that 7 days in self-

isolation and not being in close contact with anyone other than my husband or the people we passed on

our walks, always a safe distance apart, meant that it was extremely unlikely that I had the virus. That my

little, or maybe not so little voice in my head said, “you never know”, was not helpful. I knew I was on the

verge. Whenever I felt like jumping up and down, I knew that was what I needed and jumping up and down

or dancing was a quick reset. My fears of catching the virus would subside and then something would spark

my distress once again. A call from my daughter who informed us that a work colleague of her partner, our

son-in-law, had been identified as someone who had been in contact with someone who was a co-worker

of someone else diagnosed with COVID-19. A gap between the person (a dentist) with COVID-19 and the

colleague (a patient of another dentist in the same office) and then the fact that this person was not in close

contact with our son-in-law, still made all of us nervous. Another day, no fever, no persistent cough, no

COVID-19.

I speculated what might happen over time and searched for N95 filters that I could insert into cloth masks I

had seen the pattern for on Pinterest. I expected they would be all gone but they were there and available. I

ordered 60 and while I was at it, I ordered a pack of 10 face shields. I had N99 masks that I had bought a

year and half ago when the wildfires were bad. We had yet to use them, now we may.

A habit we fell into shortly after we returned home was watching our Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, give

his COVID-19 update talk to the nation every morning at 9 AM. He spoke outside the “cottage’ where he

lived with his family and where his wife Sophie was in quarantine with the virus. She and her daughter had

attended WE Day UK on March 4th in London, UK and Sophie came back to Canada, not feeling well.

Because the Prime Minister had spent time with her, he voluntarily went into self-isolation. Listening to his

updates gave us some context for the situation we were in and that eventually most of the world was in.

Knowing what was happening across the country was something I needed at the time. I agreed with the

reporter who called him “Our Re-assurer in Chief”. This expanded to listening to the Deputy Prime Minister,

the Minister of Health and the Chief Medical Officer of Health for Canada. Again, information that we found

useful. What could we expect, was our federal government going to make sure we would be okay and how

were they going to support people who had lost their jobs as a result of the shutdowns due to the COVID-

19 pandemic? Although I am retired as is my husband, we are interested in how people who are in the

workforce and how they are impacted by these changes. By mid-March all three of our children had been

laid off or had lost contract work. I was aware of the financial pressure this put on them but what really

mattered to me was that they were safe, well and able to stay that way.

Another habit was listening to our provincial Chief Medical Officer of Health, Dr. Deena Hinshaw. I loved

her calm presentation of the facts and her reassuring voice relaying the public health measures that were

being put into place. Her genuine concern for people who were critically ill with COVID-19 was palpable. On

March 19th, Alberta reported the first death resulting from COVID-19, at the time there were 146 people

diagnosed. Dr. Hinshaw was clear in telling people that they must stay home if they are ill, that people

should stay home as much as possible and then reinforced the physical distancing. Over the next few

weeks, the province went from having limits of 250 people in a gathering down to 15; we saw restaurants

allowed to have only 50% capacity with a limit of 50 people to being reduced to take out and delivery only.

Most businesses were shut down. Dr. Hinshaw has continued to be a source of comfort and information

that I rely on. Around March 24th we were informed that Dr. Hinshaw had developed symptoms herself and

that she was going into quarantine. She explained how she was sleeping in a separate room from her

husband and her children, was using her own bathroom and had limited contact with her family. Her next

briefing was broadcast from her home. I was relieved to learn that she tested negative and only had a cold.

It had been a worry.

I feel that both our Prime Minister and our provincial Chief Medical Officer of Health modelled proper

behaviour for dealing with the potential spread of COVID-19. I tend to be a cynic about government at the

federal level and definitely the provincial level, but their involvement in addressing the pandemic was

something I counted on.

About a week after we were home the notion of “social distancing” became the thing to do and actually,

something that was being required and would eventually become enforceable by law. This was fine with

me, being close to others seemed a poor choice at this point. I did like when the jargon changed from

“social distancing” to “physical distancing”. This seemed clearer to me. Skyping, texting, phoning family and

friends held me together.

Around this time, my husband and I went for a walk in the ravine in our neighbourhood and we came upon

a few large groups of people, young and old, gathered together having a gay time. I was skittish about

passing them and wondered if they had not heard the calls for physical distancing. Interestingly, the very

next day we were once again out for a walk and this time we saw fewer groups and those people we did

see appeared sad. The next day the people we passed, at a distance, looked afraid. That made me sad.

As a severely lapsed Catholic, I was taken aback when on several mornings I woke up reciting “Hail Mary”.

It certainly made sense, I was worried and felt that the world needed prayers and good thoughts for

healing. This led me to some of the mystical, Buddhist writers and healers that I was familiar with in one

sense or another. The medical intuitive, writer and teacher Carolyn Myss had begun to record morning

chats from her home as she self-isolated. I found these talks reassuring and hopeful. Jon Kabat Zinn talked

about the importance and usefulness of mindfulness for coping with our new world. Again, encouraging.

Listening to the wisdom of these teachers was a better way to cope than turning to that extra glass of wine

or a second bottle of beer. Our reliance on alcohol to help us cope with the uncertainty, the fears and the

loss did take on a life of its own and one that I knew I needed to deal with. It took several days but I woke

up one morning with a pledge that I quickly put on paper. I felt a bit silly showing it to my husband and

asking him if he would read it, agree to it and sign it. He must have been feeling the same as he quickly

signed it. This would guide our decisions in the weeks to come.

On March 22, my husband made his way to the grocery store to get our first order. Access to an

assortment of food whenever we chose to have it was something I had taken for granted and I was coming

to that realization now. I was very excited when I saw the bag of fresh carrots, I was thrilled. Maybe it is a

time for appreciation of the small things. The next order was equally thrilling but was different in that we had

learned that we should be washing our groceries when they were brought into our house. We established a

routine, wiping down bags, washing fruits and veggies and carefully washing our hands in between, before

and after.

Near the end of March, I took my search for wisdom and calm to another level and began a 30-day yoga

practice and a 21-day mediation practice. These two activities came to be the foundation of my mornings.

Out of bed and off to my office to listen to Deepak Chopra guide me through a meditation founded on hope

and courage. I had tried to meditate on a regular basis previously but there was always some activity that

got in the way, somewhere to go or something to do. Now my days were wide open and there was nowhere

to go, I had all the time in the world. After meditating, I would turn on YouTube and go to Adrienne and let

her guide me through a yoga practice. Again, moving through the various poses and the healing practice fit

so well with what my body, mind and soul needed. Following a week of these two practices, I noticed that

my anxiety and moments of fear had decreased. This was good.

Dealing with the extra time at home meant looking for other distractions. I have always been restless and

needed things to do. Reading, usually as go-to for me was not on the table. I couldn’t seem to find a book

that grabbed my attention or could keep it. I turned to puzzles and crafts. A jigsaw puzzle took over the

dining room table and served to pull me away from a fret, either large or small, as I focussed on finding the

right piece.

We had also decided that this time of sheltering in place would be a good time to sort through some of the

stuff in our basement. We had moved into our home 2 and a half years previously and in the meantime had

acquired stuff from my office that had been closed as well as my parents’ home after the death of my

father. This is never a task I enjoy and putting the timer on for an hour allowed me the needed escape.

After a while, I kind of got into it. Finding a box of old magazines inspired me to do a collage. This is a craft

I have enjoyed over the years, finding encouragement and inspiration in what evolves.

This sits in my office, and I am drawn to the words, like courage or be kind and love the images. There will

be more collages to come, if the predictions for how long we are meant to stay home, and physical distance

holds true.

Reflection

As March 2020 draws to a close, I am bewildered by the transformation of our world, collectively and on a

home-by-home basis. I am not sure I could have imagined this even after reading many post-apocalyptic

novels and nonfiction muses. Moments of desperation and fear overtake me at times when I think that there

is no possible way to eradicate this COVID-19 virus, that we can stay in our houses and away from others

for a long time but eventually people will trickle out and then we are at it again. And even if we overtake this

one, how long before there is another? Then there is my fear that capitalism and its extremists will tire of

these flimsy “public health requirements” and forge ahead at the expense of all of humanity. I perceive that

there is a dangerous arrogance that allows the economy and its perceived assets to be put at the forefront

and the arrogant actions that follow may destroy our only hope of survival.

I am grateful that these dark moments are few and far between. Instead, I have faith in people to do the

right things to protect themselves and others. I also believe that we can eradicate the virus, though th is may

take longer than any of us want it to take. Further, the potential for positive change in our world resulting

from our confinement is also something that I see as the light at the end of the tunnel. I trust that many of

us will begin to see the world and our place in it from a different and more amiable perspective. Maybe we,

on a global level, are being asked to reconsider everything. I like the quote: Mother Earth has said to us “go

to your room and think about what you have done”. Yes, what have we done to the planet, what have we

done to each other, why have we forgotten what it means to be human? Can we get back to it?

Another positive thought came to me the other day: “every day that we are in self isolation and away from

our previous normal, the stranglehold of capitalism becomes weaker and weaker”. I understand that people

are tied to their jobs and the necessity of the same, but I wonder if there are not better ways to balance that

necessity with some of the elements people are experiencing now: more family time, less consumerism,

healthier eating, regular exercise. Although not consistent across all provinces, I have noticed that we as a

country are paying more attention to the vulnerable people in our society; the homeless, the lonely elderly,

the elderly in congregate care, indigenous peoples. Our current global fear of disease may increase our

interest and actions towards individual and societal health. I know that I speak from an advantaged

perspective and that Canada, even with the current economic downturn, has the resources to move toward

this balance and true attention. Perhaps a pipe dream, it would not be the first time for me.

A natural evolution I expect will arise through the COVID-19 experience is the move to deglobalization.

Limits of travel, particularly international travel will see increased reliance on local attractions for vacation

and exploration and less carbon emissions; difficulties in trade will force the importance of locally grown

and produced foods and other goods and reduced carbon emissions (you get the picture); access to items

through the “just in time” model may be seen as flawed and influence and compel governments and others

to foster development of local industry and perhaps with a more local focus, people will have time to

explore, appreciate and support local arts. Much to consider.

My final muse on that which has been March 2020 is on grief. The grief that I have felt for some time and

that was exacerbated by the birth of my granddaughter a year and half ago has risen once again. Some

say that our worldview is formed by our eyes as a child, that we see the world and our situation from that

perspective. Perhaps. My best memories as a child were those days that I was with or near my maternal

grandmother. I would have likely felt the same about my paternal grandmother, but she was geographically

separated from me and unfortunately, we never met. My maternal grandmother B, however, was ever

present and as it turned out served as my mentor. She was strong and capable, and I learned much from

her but the thing I admired about her the most was her ability to maintain her family, four daughters and

their families, united in real time and space. This union has remained strong even after saying goodbye to

all four sisters and of course B. This part of my upbringing was the foundation of my being and I have come

to realize that to be able to mirror this tightknit family, with my own family, was an expectation of mine.

Apparently, this expectation conflicted with my thinking that my children should be able to do what made

them happy. I had always counselled them to find what they are passionate about, that this will guide them

in the right direction. Unfortunately, they did take this to heart, and this took them farther away from me

than I would have expected or liked. I feel I had partially come to terms with this but now in the midst of our

COVID-19 world I am again faced with the grief of what is not to be.

I recall an emotional conversation with my daughter close to a year ago. She and her daughter were visiting

us, and I approached her with my sadness about our geographical separation. She stated her reasons why

it had to be that way and I stated why I had a difficult time with the situation. Then there was the day that

my daughters were leaving after visiting last Christmas. I love hosting my family and others and having the

whole family together in our home at Christmas was the gift I wanted. I went into a deep dive of despair on

their departure day, I didn’t want them to leave. It was not only my wish to have what my B had but also, I

was convinced that at some point in the future it would not be easy to just hop on a plane or drive across

the mountains to see each other and that situations may arise that would prevent us from being together at

all. At the time I was thinking this situation might be a climate related issue like wildfires or an earthquake.

Nonetheless, I was shattered by the thought of this ever occurring and wanted to be prepared for this

eventuality. I wanted to secure our physical closeness before it was too late. My grief has surfaced again

with the restrictions put on all of us because of the COVID-19 pandemic. I fear that these restrictions will be

around for quite some time and the impact will be significant. This is heartbreaking.

On March 31st, 2020, we had completed our 14-day self-isolation, only to continue the same for the

indefinite future. We are healthy and filled with gratitude that we and our loved ones are healthy as well. We

are thankful to have a beautiful house and home to shelter in place within. We will continue to maintain our

social connections using technology as best we can. It is all we have.

As I look towards our second month of our new world, I also look forward to what arises. I hope for the best.

April 2020

Wednesday, April 1st, 2020

As of today, there are 9,712 cases of COVID-19 reported in Canada and 111 deaths. In Alberta we have

871 cases and 11 deaths

April Fool’s Day, I wake up wondering if it has all been a joke, a strange joke. But I know it is not. It is the

16th day since I returned from our trip to Vancouver, 16 days self-isolating, it seems like a lifetime. So much

has happened in just over two weeks. This also means that it has been 16 days since I have been in close

physical contact with any person other than my husband.

I have purposely tried to have contact, through text, telephone, skype or email, every day since we returned

home on March 17th, 2020, and this has been important for me. I think I have talked with my sister more in

these last two weeks than we normally would have within a few months. I like the contact.

Long conversations with my cousin reassure me that she is okay and that my 99-year-old uncle is still

untouched by the virus. I worry about him; he is usually so active and relies on social contact with friends

every day. This has had to stop. I understand that his fear of catching the virus gives him reason enough to

change his regular routine. He is also crystal clear in stating that if he were to be infected it would kill him. I

know he is right. I was looking forward to the birthday party we had planned for him in May. This is not likely

to happen. A drive by perhaps? I will think on that.

Progressively, most everything has shut down in the city, province and country this includes K-12 schools;

childcare centres; postsecondary colleges and universities; recreation centres; and playgrounds. My city of

Edmonton and province of Alberta have declared “states of emergency”. All non-essential businesses have

also been closed: dine in restaurants and cafes (take out only); retail stores, hair salons, tattoo parlours;

aesthetics; and wellness studios and clinics. Within health care services all ancillary services, such as

dentistry, chiropractic, optometry, massage, physiotherapy etc., are all closed. Within hospitals all elective

surgery has been cancelled until further notice. After restricting visitors within hospital and continuing care

centres to one key person only, all visitors are not allowed in. All health care staff reporting for work have

their temperature taken and are asked to report the presence of any potential COVID-19 symptoms.

A very different world, all with the hope of flattening or planking the curve of infections and not

overwhelming the health care system

Positive spinoffs

Our city has made transit free for everyone all the time, something that many of us having been proposing

to the city for a while now. I am hoping they keep it this way even after the worst of the pandemic has

passed. The other positive I see that has emerged is the emphasis and care finally being directed to

homeless and disadvantaged in our city. Shelters have been in place for years, but these have usually

been over capacity and not always user-friendly. Now we have several large centres set up in our city for

people who do not have places of their own to self-isolate within. There has been more attention to the

needs of these individuals and thus their access to things like showers, bedding, food and medical care.

Our City Council fought hard for these individuals and finally obtained provincial funds to support these

shelters. Another element of this development that I am happy about is bringing attention to our homeless

and our need to see them as part of our society not people who can be hidden away in the inner city. My

work in researching how to improve the lives of people experiencing mental health and addictions issues

has given me an inside look at how many people in positions of power, in all levels of government as well

as some service providers, discount these individuals and belittle their needs. As these individuals do not

vote and for the most part do not have a strong voice, they are easy to ignore. Ideas about how to establish

and deliver services to match their needs are often left sitting on government shelves and not translated

into action. I am hopeful that our city will continue to stand up for our vulnerable citizens once we return to

whatever “normal” will be.

Thursday, April 2nd, 2020

I didn’t sleep well last night. During a skype call with my book club I noticed that my daughter (a member of

the club) was looking rather flushed. This observation along with the note that she had sent much earlier in

the day about feeling extremely tired, frightened me. I am a worrier, and this COVID-19 pandemic is playing

into that sense. What if she had contracted the virus on one of her grocery stores ventures? How would

they manage if she did have it? Would her child or partner contract it as well? I had no shortage of what -ifs

that had kept me awake. After sending her a text she called me and we had a good talk about the state of

her health and whether she was being careful when she was out and about, which I knew was infrequent.

This was an example of a new stress or at least an exaggeration of an old stressor, that is what if one of my

children were sick. Obviously, I have always wanted the best for my children, but the tenaciousness of this

virus has boosted my worry. I imagine there are people all over the world who, like me, are feeling an

elevated level of stress related to the coronavirus and having COVID-19. This stress could be related to

concerns for their family, themselves or others in general. No matter, I believe that as a community and a

society we need to be cognizant of rising stress levels and acknowledge them.

In my years working in the area of mental health and illness I would often run into attitudes of those

professionals focussed on working with the severely mentally ill about the undeserving mental health

concerns of the “worried well”. To these professionals the “worried well” were not worth their attention. I

understood their need to focus their resources on those severely mentally ill individuals that they tried to

treat but I disagreed with their discounting of less intense mental health concerns. The formal system

favours the severely ill and the needs of the less ill or those generally stressed are left to the informal

system. Now as the COVID-19 pandemic unfurls I wonder how or if the formal system will attend to the

concerns of the “worried well’ that are surely guaranteed to expand. I expect that if there is no attention

given, these concerns will intensify and generate other negative outcomes over and above the impact of

the virus.

Day 8 of my meditation practice: activating the hope inside you; today I activate my hope; my awareness is

aligned with the creative power of the universe. I want to be hopeful that, like the homeless, this simmering

level of stress and worry experienced by so many will be noticed and listened to.

I think about the health care workers who are facing the biggest challenge with the presence of the

coronavirus in our world especially those treating people with COVID-19. Sure, some of them may never be

directly in contact with a person infected with the virus but the nature and location of their work puts them at

much higher risk. It seems clear that some of these doctors, nurses and respiratory therapists will be

sacrificing their lives to help patients who are ill. That these individuals know this and are still willing and

able to do their work is admirable to say the least.

Political interference

Here in Alberta, Canada these health care workers are facing a double whammy. Our very conservative

provincial government made several health care system cuts in late fall and continued these up until and

during the COVID-19 crisis. Nurses have lost their jobs due to these cuts and now as the pandemic heats

up are asked to come back, probably with a lower salary. Several other health care professions have been

targeted with cuts. And then there are the doctors. They had their funding cut as well and then in February

2020, the government tore up their contract and unilaterally changed the fee schedule both from a fiscal

and a definition basis. In addition, without any notice or consultation with physicians they introduced an AI

supported primary health care app which feeds into a private business owned by the wife of the health

minister. I believe the government has the simplistic view that with this online assessment tool, the need for

primary care physicians is reduced. This has been a major blow to physicians, in particular the physicians

working in rural areas. Many of these physicians have stated that they will have to close their clinics, and

many have secured positions out of province to go to after the heat of the pandemic has cooled. The

behaviour of the government is abominable at the best of times but now that we are in a pandemic it is

unconscionable. Physicians and other health care workers have reassured and promised Albertans that

they will focus on patient care and the health of Albertans throughout the pandemic but that they will not

forget how they have been treated by the government. It has been clear that our government wants to

move to an American style private health care system, and they continue to push in this direction even in

the middle of the most severe public health crisis most of us have ever experienced. Appalling and super

scary.

Recognition of health care workers

I like the efforts of other first responders, like firefighters, EMTs, and police, as well as citizens in various

areas around the world in acknowledging the work of health care providers by making noise and cheering

them on at 7PM every day. I sent a note to a few neighbours to try to get a recognition cheer underway on

my block and my neighbours showed up on their front steps. I want to do more to get a bigger crowd

participating. I have this image of people standing on their front steps clapping or using noisemakers to

demonstrate their appreciation for our health care workers but also as an opportunity to show each other

that we are all isolated in our own homes, but that we still do exist as a community.

Friday, April 3rd, 2020

As of today, 1M cases of COVID-19 have been reported worldwide

We have known that this would be the case, but I guess did not really want to make it real; my daughter

and our granddaughter will not be making the trip to visit with us over Easter. Although previously I had

hoped that this visit would still come to pass, within the current context it is clear that the decision to cancel

is the correct one. Besides the risk of the air travel the situation is not conducive to a family visit. We will

hope for the summer for an in-person visit. I am amazed at my calm acceptance of this decision.

Our COVID-19 world continues to evolve in ways that would have been unexpected only a few months ago.

It is now two weeks since the border between Canada and the US has been closed except for trade and

essential travel. Having the border closed seems bizarre on one hand but is absolutely necessary on

another. The extent of the virus spread in the US is stunning and very scary. As of today, there are 275,457

cases and 7026 deaths in the US. From my Canadian perspective, I feel we in Canada have had a much

more coordinated and serious approach to addressing the pandemic and we began to get serious sooner

than the US. In retrospect, we could have put safeguards in place a lot sooner however once we bega n the

process, we have been steadfast. Today in Canada we have 12, 547 cases and 217 deaths.

What is essential?

One group of the workers deemed as essential and allowed to cross the border are truck drivers bringing

goods back and forth between Canada and the US. This makes sense given our very fluid trade borders

and this is important for ensuring that the goods, like food and medicine, that people in both countries need

are available.

I have found the transition to a new definition of who is an “essential worker” in this our COVID-19 world

fascinating. Of course, there is recognition that health care workers are critical players in getting us through

this pandemic, but I am not so sure we would have identified grocery store clerks, shelf stockers and

managers as essential. A large grocery chain in Canada whom I have been critical of in the past for not

paying a living wage to their employees and then sponsoring a breakfast program for children who live in

poverty, has stepped up and given all their employees a raise in pay (not sure it is a living wage but). This

impressed me. These individuals are risking their lives every day not knowing if the people shopping in the

store are infected. They are also the people who complete the online shopping orders that we have

become accustomed to and depend on obtaining. The other group that has been recognized as essential

are janitors and housekeeping staff in all buildings, airplanes and other forms of transit but in particular in

our health care facilities and seniors’ residences. These individuals again often delegated to low man on

the totem pole are now obviously essential. Once again, these people are risking their lives to keep us safe.

I am filled with gratitude.

Today my husband and I have a special treat planned. We walked to our local patisserie where we picked

up our online order of a lemon tart, a chocolate caramel tart, an almond croissant and pane au chocolate.

This walk today has purpose and destination, although we will not eat our pastries in the café it reminds us

of previous days, not so long ago, where we did walk to a café or a library or a friend’s house. Having the

pastries with our tea at home has made the day that much more special.

I love music and have relied on it to get me through the good and the bad times. Several years ago, I had

my then unemployed son-in-law copy all my CDs onto a computer and then onto a classic iPod. This was

heaven for me! I then stored all those CDs (9 banker boxes full) just in case I needed to go back to them in

the future. Those boxes remain in my basement today. Access to music has evolved quickly and now I rely

solely on Spotify to source and play my music on a SONOS system. No large speakers, no bulky players or

receivers (they are at my son-in-law and daughter’s home). I love the easy access to so much music. For

our sheltering in place, I compiled a playlist that I named “At Home”. Songs like “Stand by Me”; “Fever”; “I

will Survive”; “Let I Be”; “That’s Life”; “Stranded”; “Alone”; “St. James Infirmary” and “All by Myself”. A

playlist of over 100 songs I have shared with family and friends, they have liked it.

Today is Friday and officially the weekend so we enjoyed a beer this evening. I am happy we have been

able to stay true to my March 30th pledge to restrict drinking alcohol to the weekend. It is a time of

restrictions so why not another to live within?

Saturday, April 4th, 2020

Saturday, a day that normally we would head out around 9 AM to join friends for coffee and a cinnamon

twist and shoot the breeze about the latest political news both here in Canada and in the US and abroad.

Sharing books and ideas of films to see or Netflix series to get wrapped up in. This tradition has vanished.

All 7 of us had been self-isolating and not venturing out and then the café that we frequented was closed

except for take-out food. Although we liked the sweets and the coffee, we weren’t there for the food or

coffee, we were there to be together and to have talks and occasionally a heated debate about things we

cared about, worried about or enjoyed. I miss these gatherings and especially the conversation. We still

connect through text, email and telephone but it is just not the same. Will we resume these get togethers

when the physical distancing has been relaxed or will this ritual just pass away?

Thinking about Easter next weekend and Easter goodies to pass on to my family in Vancouver. A sandbox

for our granddaughter, a place for her to play on her patio while all the playgrounds are off limits. It still

seems weird when I think about things like schools and playgrounds being closed. But I get it and

understand that there is no way to really ensure that these areas stay clean of the virus and then there is

the action of physical distancing that would be near to impossible in these situations.

I sew a stuffed bunny for my granddaughter, a dress and I find a few books with bunnies and other animals,

that she loves so much. No chocolate for her at 16 months of age and this is good as I have not gone to a

store to buy anything for several weeks now. Thought this would be a good time to send my daughters and

their partners cloth face masks that I have been sewing. As I made a mini mask for my granddaughter, I

hoped that she would never have to rely on it.

These masks are not N95 quality but have a slot within which a filter can be inserted, and I am waiting for

some N95 filters to arrive from an Amazon order I placed early in March. I trust they will arrive. I have read

that a shop towel folded can act as a filter as well.

This reminds me of an issue about the PPEs (personal protective equipment) orders that several countries,

Canada included, ordered from the 3M company. The company is a US company but the equipment

including N95 masks, are (of course) made in another country, I believe Taiwan. We heard in our Canadian

news that orders coming to Canada, Germany, France and Brazil were being blocked by a presidential

order by US President Trump. He stated that the US needed this equipment and therefore they would not

be sent out of the country. Our Prime Minister stated that Canadian officials were negotiating with US

officials to resolve this issue and stated that the back-and-forth trade between Canada was a two-way

street; for example, the Canadian nurses working just over the border in Detroit could be prevented from

crossing the border if it came to that. The Premier of Ontario, our largest province, was much blunter: “We

had three million masks stopped at the border this weekend coming up to Canada. That’s unacceptable.

Absolutely unacceptable that they’re doing this,” Don Ford said in an interview with Global News.

Eventually this was resolved but not before many Canadians and I am sure US citizens were appalled by

the actions of Trump.

I have put together a parcel for my granddaughter and her parents and my other daughter and her husband

and then made plans to post them tomorrow. Nothing is simple anymore. I need to think about what post

office I go to and want one that is easy to access and one that limits my exposure to other people. Actions

like sending a parcel must be carefully planned. It is actions like this that signal that our world has changed.

My concerns regarding risk of exposure to the virus reinforces my vulnerability as a senior. I am 65 years of

age, soon to be 66 and my husband will be 72 in May. By all accounts we are in the vulnerable category for

the virus. We are fortunate as we do not have any other identified health risks (other than my fragile

respiratory system); nonetheless, we are in a high-risk group and need to take this virus seriously. On a

positive note, being a senior means that I get priority in ordering my online groceries and thus have earlier

access to either a pickup or a delivery date. Haha!

Another concern of mine that has arisen is my inability to do what comes instinctively. I am naturally a

helper, a person who is the first to volunteer to help at a community function, a family party or to plan any

event. I like helping others. One of my first instincts, when the overall self-isolation/stay at home orders

came down, was to find ways to help people in my neighbourhood and my life who might need help with

shopping, meals or whatever. That action was thwarted because of my need to be self- isolating/

quarantining after being exposed to international travellers and then by my realization that I myself was in

that high-risk group. This has not sat well with me and has made me antsy. I am sure over time I will figure

out ways to help that fit within the restrictions that are upon me.

Sunday, April 5th, 2020

A risky venture

This is the day that I will venture out in public, going to the post office. I wear a mask, a N99 mask that I

bought over a year ago when we had lots of smoke in our city as a result of wildfires in northern Alberta. I

never had an opportunity to wear it before. I have everything ready, my credit card in my coat pocket, the

parcel and the letter are ready to go. I enter the store, go straight to the post office. No one else is in line,

nice. The clerk is wearing gloves, no mask and seems calm, like nothing is different. But it is different, I feel

like I am taking a risk being here. I tell her I want it to arrive before Easter and she tells me all guarantees

are off, she counsels me to go with the cheapest postage, it will get there when it does. I am okay with that

and pay. As I leave the store, I notice that some other customers are wearing masks and others are not

and some are not paying attention to physical distancing. Task completed and I hope that the parcel and

letter arrive by Easter. What will be will be. I hope that I have not come in contact with the virus.

Another “lazy” day at home, now that my big task of the day is done. Another walk in the local ravine

enjoying the forest and avoiding other walkers. We are lucky to have nice natural walking paths so close to

home. Being surrounded by trees always feels so good.

At home I take some time to work on a throw that I started to crochet when the COVID-19 pandemic

started. I cleaned out a few bins of yarn and gathered yarn that would be too small for any one project, but

all together resulted in a rainbow of color. I like grabbing a ball of yarn out of the basket and adding a new

row, every color once added seems to be right where it should be. Maybe I am right where I should be as

well. I will crochet until all the scraps are gone and see what develops, it is already big enough for a lap

throw. Memories of this time are woven into this, and I am sure they will be stirred up in years to come

when I use the completed throw.

Tonight, we skype with my daughter, granddaughter and son-in-law. It is always so wonderful to see them,

and I love how excited my granddaughter gets when she sees us. We are happy to see her too. She seems

to have gotten used to this form of communication and will often go about her play activities while we are

chatting. I like being able to watch her play. I have mixed emotions when she tries to crawl into the

computer screen to reach us, and I want to crawl into reach her as well. Although I am happy that she

seems more comfortable with seeing us on the screen, I do not want her to think that is how we will always

communicate. I want to touch her, hug her and play with her.

Later we skype with my other daughter and her husband and her dog, whom we adore. They are coping

well with their new world. He is working from home and although there is less work in the company, he is

still busy. My daughter has been laid off as have all the employees in the company that serves as a

catering link between restaurants and offices. She will qualify for unemployment insurance, but it is not as

much as she was earning. They are confident, or try to be, about being able to handle the mortgage

payments for their condo. Their dog loves the extra attention with her owners being at home. That they are

eating well, doing yoga and are happy makes me happy. I cannot ask for more.

Monday, April 6th, 2020

Today my granddaughter is 16 months old, she is growing up fast learning new things every day. I do not

want to miss her milestones. I want to be there for some of the; really be there, not view it on a computer

screen.

Doubts

Today I receive a package via a courier. I am just returning from a walk in the neighbourhood as the courier

arrives. She places the parcel on my step and returns to her vehicle. I ask her how she is coping with our

COVID-19 world. She hesitates and then says that it is very quiet on the streets, but they continue to work.

She says, “no one in our group is sick and we don’t know anyone who is sick so we kind of wonder what

the fuss is about”. I am sort of surprised to hear her say this yet know that there are many people who

question the presence of the virus. I suggest to her that perhaps she is not seeing people getting sick

because of the stay-at-home orders that people are following and with many businesses, schools and so on

closed, perhaps we are preventing the spread of the virus which is exactly what the public health experts

are hoping will happen. She shakes her head and says she is just not sure.

I wish her a pleasant day and hope that she stays well. Interesting perspective but understandable given

that we have come to expect to “see” things to believe them and this is an invisible threat but a real threat,

nonetheless.

This package contains a dress I had ordered online. This is a dress I hoped might be good for me to wear

at my son’s wedding in July. I had ordered this dress from a US company and naively thought it would be

made and come from the US. I was wrong. The dress has come from China, was made in China and this is

freaking me out. I wash the outside of the package and carefully throw it out. I pull the dress out of the bag

and instantly drop it on the table. I don’t want to touch it and I can’t wash it. I leave it there and will go back

to it at some point. I am shocked by my fear reaction of having something from China in my possession.

The virus is now in most countries of the world and certainly is prevalent in the US so why do I care that it

comes from China? That it comes from anywhere is what matters. I think about what I have read about the

lifespan of the virus on different surfaces. How long would it last on fabric that has been in shipping mode

for weeks? I don’t think about it anymore and leave the dress where it has landed.

My frustration

My frustration with being in this COVID-19 world is elevated today. I tune into the regular briefing by our

Provincial Chief Medical Officer of Health. I have found her reassuring while being informative. I count on

her to give me that boost of confidence that we can get through this. I am upset when instead of Dr.

Hinshaw our Premier walks up to the podium. He has been hijacking her updates on a more and more

regular basis and I don’t like this. Invariably he focusses on the economic impacts of COVID-19 and whines

about how our province is struggling more than other areas because of our economic woes related to the

drop in oil prices. This infuriates me today; I am tired of his sole focus on the oil and gas industry that has

been the boom of our economy off and on for many years but has been clearly struggling over the last

many years. I am frustrated by his stubbornness in trying to reenergize an industry that I see as fading and

his obstructive actions in preventing any form of economic diversification within our province including

actively obstructing any development of alternative renewable energy projects. I know where it comes from,

his strong ties with and financial backing from the large oil company executives that essentially “run him”

but this does not ease my anger, it makes it worse. My frustration with our Premier was present well before

the COVID-19 situation took over our world as was the bleak outlook for oil and gas. What is new is my

exasperation with a Premier who is now using the COVID-19 crisis as a way to try and shore up this fading

industry and to sneakily move our province away from a focus on the public good and to a strong capitalist

American model. A model where public health care, education and social supports are eroded until they fall

apart.

I have often wondered how Americans can believe that the US is “the greatest country in the world”. It is

clear that this is a stretch when we look at the country from a people perspective. I have read several books

and articles by Chris Hedges, an American journalist, that have given me a perspective on this country that

many of us “know” but that is not clearly acknowledged. That we as a province could be headed in the

direction of the US frightens me much more than the COVID-19 pandemic. Watching the progress of the

virus and the subterfuge of our provincial government using it to disguise their actions is overwhelming.

Just to set the context let me quote some of the facts from a 2012 book by Chris Hedges and Joe Sacco,

Days of Destruction Days of Revolt:

I believe that the way the coronavirus has played out in the US seems to mirror these stats and where it is

at as a nation in terms of caring for its people. I fear that the devastation within the US will be horrendous,

and many poor people will suffer and die. Already over 10,000 people have died of COVID-19 in the US,

and I wonder how many destitute and disenfranchised people are not even getting counted. That our

provincial government leans towards an American model for anything scares me tremendously. I also hope

that the border between our country and the US remains closed for the foreseeable future. They are being

hit hard and fast.

As of today, the US reported 363,719 positive cases of COVID-19 and 10,720 deaths; New York City is the

hardest hit city thus far.

Personal choices

I read an article about the prognosis of people who have COVID-19 and end up in hospital and eventually

the ICU. It is not pretty. Although some people recover and leave the hospital, the odds are stacked against

this outcome. Persons who have a pre-existing condition are more likely to die and the likelihood of dying

increases with age particularly for people who are over the age of 65. I already have a Personal Directive

that states that “if I am permanently unconscious or there is no reasonable expectation of my recovery from

a serious incapacitating or lethal illness or condition, I do not wish to be kept alive by artificial means…I

specifically confirm that my Agent has the authority to make decisions about life-prolonging medical

procedures, such as, but not limited to , a respirator, placement of or removal of tubes to provide nutrition

or hydration, cardiopulmonary resuscitation, radiation and chemotherapy.”

I speak to my husband about this personal directive that he has as well. We have heard so much about the

use of respirators and intubation of people suffering from COVID-19, it seems like common practice in the

face of no specified treatment protocol. We need to talk about whether we are okay with what we had

agreed to in our Personal Directives (PD), only a little over a year ago. I sense some hesitancy by my

husband, but he reassures me that he just had not thought about the application of this document in the

case of a COVID-19 diagnosis. Based on our original intent with the PD and what we understand to be an

outcome of a person who is admitted to the ICU for COVID-19, we agree that should we get to that point of

illness, we would want to stick to our PD. This is a difficult discussion but a necessary one and, in some

ways, relieves some of my fears; do I want to end up in ICU intubated and/or on a respirator isolated from

even health care workers who would be afraid of being infected? What about the secondary disability or

damage to the various organs of the body from the virus and the intervention? At this point I feel that if I am

infected and I get to the point of being considered for admission to ICU, I would rather not. I may feel

differently if I get to that point and if I am still able to speak for myself, I can make my decision at that time

and if I cannot, my agent can do it for me.

Being and dying alone

The contagious nature of the coronavirus has altered the experience for people who are infected and those

who have contact with them. There is evidence that people who are ill and in hospital recover faster when

they can maintain their social contact; that is, have visitors. We also know that the number of social

contacts and connections we enjoy have a direct impact on our overall health outcomes and conversely

that social isolation can lead to poor health. The nature of COVID-19 flies in the face of recovery and into

poor outcomes.

The necessary isolation of COVID-19 patients means that health care staff only enter the patient room or

ICU unit when absolutely necessary and even then, only stay as long as required for completion of the

medical intervention. There is little personal contact with the patients. In addition, the family members of the

patients are not allowed to visit. As a result of this change in procedure, the person who is the patient tends

to suffer with loneliness and even paranoia. I have read that some hospitals are using baby monitors to try

to increase communication between staff and patients.

This brings up another impact of the COVID-19 pandemic that bothers me, that is that many people are

dying alone, those with COVID-19 and others. Our hospitals and care centres no longer allow visitors, and

this applies to all patients, not just COVID-19 patients. Our volunteer program: No One Dies Alone is no

longer allowed to operate. I think of all the people I have sat vigil with as they were dying, and my heart

goes out to those people and more who are now dying alone. INELDA (International End of Life Doula

Association) has begun a campaign to obtain two-way baby monitors to give to hospitals to allow health

care staff to enhance their contact and communication with patients.

Another element that had changed as a result of the contagious nature of the virus is that volunteers are no

longer allowed in either hospitals or continuing care and seniors centres. From personal experience I know

that volunteers play a critical role in the care and support of people in any congregate setting. I miss my

visits with my friends at the care centre and the opportunity to sit vigil with people in the late stages of life. I

wonder how this separation is impacting my friends.

Tuesday, April 7th, 2020

Predictions

Yesterday our Premier presented the COVID-19 modelling data for our province. This data is supposed to

provide scenarios for how the COVID-19 pandemic may develop in our province. Various scenarios ranging

from the best to the worst are prepared. I did not watch the presentation; I find my stress level rise anytime

I hear the Premier speak. Instead, I wanted to hear the condensed version presented by the press. I found

the data that he apparently presented to be devastating and much worse than I had expected. And of

course, he also talked about the oil industry and the dire need to revive it, as if this fit with the modelling of

the pandemic. My sense is that the Premier does not care about the pandemic and that his real concern is

economy based only with a sole focus on the oil and gas corporations who pull his chain.

Nonetheless the modelling data was disturbing. So many people were doing the right things, staying at

home; physical distancing, washing their hands, disinfecting everything, how could it be that so many

people would still get the virus? I felt hopeless.

In the afternoon I chose to watch the Chief Medical Officer of Health’s update to see what she had to say. I

was disappointed that once again the Premier was the one to be presenting. Apparently, his presentation

from the previous evening was not well taken by anyone. It seemed that his presentation was altered

somewhat and this time he portrayed the numbers in a slightly different way. I always thought that the

epidemiologist, that is our Chief Medical Officer of Health, should be the one who presented this data, she

understood it and would know how to interpret and present it. In answer to a media question of the Premier

about why the Chief Medical Officer of Health had not presented the data instead of him, he curtly replied

that he was the Premier of the province and thus it was his role. I disagreed as did many others, as

evidenced in the Twitter comments that followed.

Regardless of who presented the data, it was interesting that today’s picture was not quite as bleak. I came

to terms with what may be ahead, still somewhat dismayed by the COVID-19 situation overall.

A text alerted me to go to my front door where I found a bag containing a container of ice cream, an act of

kindness by friends cheered me up.

Other health issues

During this “stay at home” period I have been wondering about how other health issues will be impacted by

the pandemic. A personal example is that of my husband who was scheduled to have his yearly physical

exam in early April. That has been delayed indefinitely. He did not have any specific concerns but

nevertheless was keen to have things checked out. He and I are reluctant to seek medical attention for

anything, partly because we fear being exposed to the virus at the doctor’s office and because we know

that our doctor is otherwise focussed. If something did come up or we did have an emergent issue or injury,

we would seek care. We hope nothing like that occurs.

I do however wonder about people who were in the middle of having tests done for whatever reason,

cancer, cardiovascular disease or diabetes. How are they proceeding with care? In our province as in other

provinces in Canada, all elective surgeries have been postponed. Although these interventions are

classified as “elective” by the health care system, the person who was to have the surgery would not have

seen it that way.

Screening for diseases like cancer are common in our system and I understand that these screening

procedures (MRIs, CT scans, even blood tests) are not proceeding except in emergency situations. Will this

mean that once the flurry of activity related to the pandemic has settled down that there will be a sharp

increase in diagnoses of these diseases?

Wednesday, April 8th, 2020

As of today, there are17,897cases of COVID-19 reported in Canada and 381deaths. In Alberta we have

1,423 cases and 29 deaths

Losing an old friend

Last night a favourite poet, songwriter, musician of mine, John Prine passed away after 8 days in ICU with

COVID-19. I began listening to John Prine in the late 1970’s and have followed him since. We had tickets to

see him in concert last June, but the show was rescheduled for June 2020 as John had had a health issue

that prevented him from touring. That concert is not to be. Some of my favourite songs included: Angel from

Montgomery; Hello in There; Donald and Lydia; The Great Compromise, Please Don’t Bury Me and many

more. Every time I hear “I Just Want to Dance with You” I am taken back to waltzing with my daughter in

the living room of our family home. John Prine was an activist who “said it like it was” in his songs. Many of

his songs are in my “At Home” playlist.

Sharing

I am thinking about my daughter and my phone rings, it is she and my granddaughter on a video call. It is

nice to see them and talk with my daughter. We are both feeling overwhelmed today, losing patience with

the uncertainty of what lies ahead. We reassure each

other. I show my granddaughter the gingerbread that I have made this morning, a snack for tea later today.

I tell my daughter that her aunt, my sister is going to drop off a Paska, a traditional Ukrainian Easter bread

that she has made. Normally I would have joined her to make these decorated breads. I am happy that she

will drop one off. I ask her to ring the bell or text me so we can at least have a brief chat, at a safe distance

of course. My sister is a pharmacist who had just recently retired and who has been called back into action.

She only works a few days a week, but it makes her nervous which I understand completely.

I worry about social connections that I have and how they will evolve. I make a point of talking or texting

with somebody every day. This helps. My sister does come by, and we stand apart and have a chat. Her

Paska is beautiful, and I know if will be delicious. I give her some gingerbread to take with her. We agree

that to see each other is so very nice. It feels good to share. We resist the hug or any touching and after

she leaves, I wash the bags that the Paska was packed in. I noticed that although I enjoyed seeing her in

person, the encounter made me uneasy. Is this how we will feel about all physical meetings in the future?

A flaw in our careful planning about avoiding risk during this pandemic befell us today. The online

grocery order that I had placed had somehow disappeared from the store’s web site and is nowhere to be

found. I was so looking forward to having these groceries, I am devastated. After hanging up the phone

with the store, my initial reaction is to burst into tears; luckily, I compose myself quickly and decide that we

will just need to go to the store tomorrow. From 7 AM until 8 AM the store is restricted to people who are

60+ years of age which we are. We can and will do this.

Later in the day I get a call from my daughter. My granddaughter has received her Easter parcel, she loves

her bunny. I am happy.

It was day 14 in my yoga practice: “return”. It is a return to home, to who we are and what we are

comfortable with. I return to my feeling of gratitude for having family, for having good music to listen to and

to being able to be with each other even if it is via WhatsApp or 2 metres apart. Tomorrow is another day.

Thursday, April 9th, 2020

My early morning meditation/yoga routine is interrupted by our need to go grocery shopping while the store

is quiet and restricted to us “old folks”. I am out of bed at 6:30 AM and we arrive at the store just before 7

AM. We have carefully divided up our shopping list to make the shop-up organized and quick. I take the

produce and my husband handles the other stuff; we agree to meet at the chocolate. Both of us wear

masks and surgical gloves and try not to touch our faces. There are other people in the store but not too

many, some wearing masks and others not. It has been a month since I have been in a grocery store. I like

that I can choose my fruits and vegetables and add things that I might not have thought of in my online

order. We meet and throw some potato chips in the cart for good measure, Backyard BBQ, my favourite.

The groceries are paid for, and we are out the door. Not too bad and we are confident that we have not

picked up any stray virus in our adventure, or at least we tell ourselves that. We engage in our regular

routine of cleaning the groceries when we get home and breathe a sigh of relief. I will be more careful with

our online orders in the future; it is my preference.

True to my commitment to myself I take time for my meditation and yoga. I am halfway through the 30-day

yoga challenge and looking forward to the remaining days. This practice has been good for my restless

being.

Lost connections

I notice my library card propped up on my desk and this reminds me of another lost connection, that with

my library. I have always loved libraries and have come to depend on them. To think of a book and go to

the library website and put it on hold has become an engrained habit of mine. This is no longer possible. I

am thankful that I had several books checked out prior to the shut down and these are for my keeping until

all gets back to “normal”. Now I think of all the people who work at libraries in our city, province and country

and I hope that they are coping with their forced time away from work. I also wonder how all the people who

rely on the library for their internet access and a quiet warm place to sit are managing?

Some of the provinces have announced more funding for mental health services that they recognize will be

needed as a result of the COVID-19 stress. It is good to see the need to attend to our mental health being

recognized and I hope that the funds are used in ways that will benefit the people who need help. I also

hope that this recognition, of the importance of good mental health, remains after the COVID-19 crisis has

lightened up or passed.

I have also been thinking about people who own and operate restaurants and cafes in my city. I know that

they can continue to offer take-out food and drinks, but I can’t imagine that this is enough. I decide to look

at the website for a friend’s’ restaurant and decide to order some take-out for dinner. I order Wild

Mushroom Stroganoff for two and my husband goes to pick it up at the improvised window at the side of the

restaurant. Our friend Julie hands him the bag of food and squeals with delight at seeing him. She says she

is doing okay but not great. She wants it to be over, so do we!

Dinner is delicious and you guessed it, I could not resist the potato chips as a snack as we once again

watched something on Netflix.

Friday, April 10th, 2020

US reaches 501,615 cases of COVID-19

Today is Good Friday, the start of the Easter weekend. Raised as Catholic, Easter was a time of much

tradition and celebration. Being the granddaughter of a Ukrainian Catholic priest, it was difficult for me not

to become immersed in the corresponding religious traditions. Now all the churches are closed. No Good

Friday vigil; no blessing of the Easter basket of food on Saturday and no Easter Sunday mass.

These are events that many in my extended family will miss tremendously this year. Me, not so much but

they still form the foundation of the holiday.

When my children were young, this long weekend was also one filled with family celebrations and customs.

Good Friday always had a sombre tone to it and when I was a child it was filled with restrictions about what

I could and couldn’t eat (no dairy or meat and I always craved ice cream on thisday, go figure!) and there

was a trip to the church, again a solemn event. Our COVID-19 world today feels solemn but for very

different reasons. It is the beginning of a long weekend that would normally be a chance to visit with family,

share traditional foods and generally have a great time together. This Easter was to be extra special with a

visit from my granddaughter and her mother, my daughter, always happy to have them in our home. But

that is not to be. Their visit was eventually and with some resistance, cancelled. This morning I feel the

weight of that necessary decision and feel the sadness of our separation.

My spirits however were lifted this morning when my daughter told me that she would be doing “the bunny

trail” for her daughter this year. “The bunny trail” was something I invented when my children were little,

and we continued until they left the family home. The bedrooms in our house were on the second level and

on Easter morning the children would find plush bunnies outside their bedroom doors and a trail of bunnies

leading down the stairs and into the living room where they would find an Easter egg hunt and baskets of

toys and chocolates. I still have a large bag of the bunnies who appeared in the trail stored in our

basement. It turns out, this is a fond memory of our children, one that now will be passed onto the next

generation. Things change and times change, and some things stay the same.

We gave our granddaughter a sandbox for Easter, and she loves it! That is wonderful for her and her

parents as they too will struggle somewhat at the loss of close physical connection with family this

weekend. I love the pictures and the video of our granddaughter as she discovers her sandbox. This will be

a nice place for her to play.

Today is Day 16 of my meditation practice and one focussed on “reigniting the spark of hope”. I will try to

“bond with others to give them hope” as we all go together into a unique Easter weekend.

Only an hour after writing the above intention, my sister contacted me to suggest we do a family zoom toast

on Easter Sunday. Our family has a unique shared toast that we use for all occasions that comes from our

Ukrainian heritage. It will be wonderful to bond together via technology to share our “Budmo” toast.

Saturday, April 11th, 2020

Can the whole world, except for our essential health care workers, be shut down completely for a few

days? Would this help to stem the spread of the coronavirus? Would it send the message to all that this is a

serious situation that we must all attend to?

These questions make me realize that most of my dreams that I remember are related to COVID-19, that

this situation has infiltrated my life in so many ways. I shake it off to go and immerse myself in my

meditation, yoga and Pilates. This routine has become so important to my wellbeing. I am thankful that my

forced seclusion has supported this endeavour. This and now the journaling of my experience through this

time have grounded me and given me enough of a foundation to keep my fears and anxiety at bay. I feel

good about the day and happy to have so many activities that I want to do in the day.

Tomorrow is my son’s 31st birthday and we have decided that we will not get together in the traditional way

for dinner or brunch, instead my husband and I will drive to my son’s house and talk to him from a distance.

It will be nice to see him and his fiancée. I have not seen him since March 7th when he drove us to the

airport. I have sent him some cash; he will need it after being laid off from his work and depending on

unemployment insurance and have gathered up a few things to make up a tangible present. We talk every

few days but actually seeing and talking face to face, from a distance, will be nice.

We skyped with my daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter this morning. Seeing that they are well and

coping with their confinement comforts me. Watching my granddaughter play with her puzzles and play

games of peek a boo with us is wonderful. Talking about what meals they have cooked and what we are

planning has become a valuable part of our new way of staying connected. My daughter tells me that

wearing the face mask I had sewn for her and sent her made her feel safe as she shopped for groceries.

Nice. They will join our family Easter toast on Sunday. We are looking forward to this.

We talk about the COVID-19 news and about the people who on this long weekend are disregarding the

public health and provincial government recommendations for staying home and not visiting others, parks

or other areas. It seems clear to me, no visiting, no vacationing, no gatherings. In BC the ferries between

the mainland and the islands are too busy, say B.C. Ferries personnel. They state that this frustrates them

and that they do not feel they have the authority to restrict access to the ferries. They also question why

people are not listening to the recommendations. Ferry frequency has been reduced and remains in place

for “essential” travel only, yet people are flocking to their vacation homes on islands that do not have the

capacity to handle an outbreak. One island, Galliano, is a small island with only about 1,000 full time

residents who are on average 59 years of age. There is only one part time physician, probably in his 60’s

on the island. The influx of part time residents and other vacationers scares the people who make this

island their home. They worry about someone infecting them and about what happens if someone suddenly

gets seriously ill with the virus which apparently can easily happen with the virus. Journalists interviewing

these flocking people seem astounded by their lack of respect for the islanders and their expectation that if

they were to get sick “a helicopter could be summoned to pick them up and fly them back to the mainland”.

This makes me think about the notion of “freedom” and how perhaps this notion has been misinterpreted. I

clearly recall the words of Nietzsche that “freedom is the will to be responsible for ourselves” and of people

like Nelson Mandela, Eleanor Roosevelt, Bob Dylan and Henry Jackson who all are quoted as saying a

version of “with freedom comes responsibility”. To me this means that our freedom is bound by our

responsibility to think of ourselves within the context of others and thus that we must consider the

consequences of our actions on others and thus on ourselves. As it relates to our COVID-19 world, I

believe this requires that we are cognizant of that which is being asked of us and respect these new

restrictions that from another perspective may seem to challenge our freedom.

I send an email note to family and friends wishing them a Happy Easter and good health. I am eager to

know that they are well.

Sunday, April 12th, 2020

It is Easter Sunday and I start my day like I do every other day since our sheltering at home began. I

meditate and follow Adriene’s guidance through my daily yoga routine. It is day 18 and I think it is gettin g a

little more difficult. It is weird how I am beginning to have these odd relationships with people on the

internet, like Deepak Chopra and Adriene. I feel like I know them, and, in a way, I guess I do. It just seems

weird because I have always relied on in-person contact to form relationships and have not really relied on

computer-based instructions. I go to the Pilates or Yoga studio for class. This morning I was distracted by

the notifications on my phone and just as I thought about maybe delaying my yoga session, and before I

could think about getting off the matt, I heard Adriene say “remember that you are here for a reason, and

this is where you need to be right now” or something like that. It was like she had read my mind and I

turned my focus exclusively to my practice.

Photos of my granddaughter walking the bunny trail, gathering her eggs and getting to her Easter basket

arrived on my phone. Adorable. Another photo from my sister, her traditional Easter breakfast laid out for

her and her husband only. It should have been the whole group of us. She was sad. I agreed that I too was

feeling emotional today, this is an extended family day. More brunch photos, these from my other sister.

She is also feeling sad. Her husband and daughter are off for a “parking lot” meeting and exchange of

Easter goodies with his father. It made me cry. I talk with my sister’s mother-in-law who is used to being

alone but still struggling with the confinement. At 88 and susceptible to pneumonia she is at very high risk.

My husband and I enjoy our brunch and then head off to drop of a birthday gift to our son. We keep our

distance, but it is so nice to see him and his fiancée in person. They are doing well.

Tears flow as I read an email from one of my nieces who is asking about how I am faring and tells me she

misses me and that she loves me. I am touched. Another note arrives, this one from a cousin, she wishes

us well and says she loves me. Again, I am touched. I love them too.

Around 3PM I get ready for another event of the day, a family Easter Toast via zoom. I put out four shot

glasses filled with espresso vodka, some cashew cheese and crackers. We are prepared. This zoom get

together will include my sister, her husband and two adult children (who still live at home); anoth er sister

and her husband; my niece and her husband; my son and his fiancée; my oldest daughter and her husband

and my other daughter, partner and their daughter (our granddaughter). This is the group I would likely

have been together with this Easter Sunday and now with our stay-at-home orders, this technologically

supported get together will have to do. I am excited about this. I miss my extended family. It works out

perfectly. Everyone that was expected in the chat is there. We are only missing my one nephew; he is a

nurse and is on shift today. We can see everyone on the screen, and it is so very wonderful to talk with all.

My brother-in-law leads us in the family toast: Budmo-Hey; Budmo-Hey; Budmo, Budmo, Budmo, - Hey,

hey hey!! This cheer has served our family well through toasts for many occasions. We talk about how we

are all coping, who is doing what and how we are feeling. My son talks about his wedding planned for July

24th this year and how they are likely to postpone it rather than hang on and have to restrict who will get to

attend or not have it at all. None of us like this, we all love a family party, and a wedding is always so much

fun.

I acknowledge that we do not know how long the current restrictions will last and that when they are lifted, I

anticipate that some aspects of how we live will have changed. I ask my family to tell me what might be

different, how or what might change. Everyone comments and curiously most comments are about positive

changes. My very busy sister says that she hopes that things just slow down somewhat, that we might not

have to be so hectic all the time. My other sister says she thinks people may not travel as much and might

value time spent with family just a little more. A few say that work may be redefined and that more people

may work from home on a more permanent or at least part time basis. Another person noted that maybe

we will be more cognizant of our now tentative financial situation and make a more earnest attempt to have

savings to fall back on in hard or unanticipated times.

Someone said we might prepare food and eat at home more often and start looking for local products

rather than expecting to have access to all manner of food all year round. They agreed that perhaps we will

all be a bit kinder to each other as we emerge from this difficult time. Everyone noted that we will cherish

being together in a group more than we ever did before. I was pleased to see that everyone had been

thinking about this and that the imaginings were generally of a positive tone. Perhaps our thoughts and

hopes can influence our future as a society and if nothing else they give us pause for thought about what

we choose for our own futures. Spending that 45 minutes online with my family was fabulous and made my

day.

My husband and I talked about our zoom family toast as we sat down to our Easter dinner, a vegetable

wellington. We loved how our granddaughter seemed a bit puzzled to see so many people on the computer

screen and how she warmed up to it as she recognized people’s faces and voices. She loved it when

everyone was waving goodbye at the end. Everyone was happy to have had a chance to see her.

The day was filled with ups and downs, expectations of what should have been and excitement about new

ways of connecting with family. Our evening ended with a concern upon seeing that an ambulance was

sitting outside a neighbour’s home just down the street from us. With lights flashing but no siren the EMTs

could be seen going into a house and eventually coming out with someone on a stretcher. It was getting

dark, and it was difficult for us to make out the exact house but that did not matter, a neighbour was in

distress and of course our minds ran to the conclusion that this person was suffering with COVID-19. It

could have been any manner of illness or injury but clearly our focus these days is the virus. We hoped

whatever had transpired would have the best outcome possible. This had brought the COVID-19 pandemic

closer to home.

Monday, April 13th, 2020

Today was a sad day for me and others I spoke with today. I think I was feeling the normal let-down I would

have felt after a holiday has passed and that was compounded by the disappointment of not having my

daughter and granddaughter here with us. Today we would have been planning outings for the next few

days of their visit but obviously that is not to be. Intellectually, I understand that we are doing what we need

to do to stay well ourselves and to not endanger others. But at times I wonder if we should just let the virus

run its course. Of course, I do not believe this is a good idea and I do fear how my body might react to the

virus. At other times, I think that maybe I have already had a mild or asymptomatic case of COVID-19. It

sounds like the testing can be very hit and miss, one hour show a negative result and then an hour later be

positive. Apparently, it is not an exact science and the evidence and action related to the prevention,

diagnosis, and treatment seems to be constantly evolving. My questioning signals an impatience on my

part to have the weight of the pandemic lifted and to return to “normal” and this raises more questions like

can, or should we ever return to the old normal?

Working in my office in an upstairs room overlooking the street, I have noticed how much quieter it is these

days. No more school buses going past at 9 AM and 3 PM daily and less traffic overall.

Interestingly, I hear fewer sirens, fire, ambulance or police these days. Everything has slowed down. I also

notice the quiet when out for my daily walks. I do not see as many people out and about and again a lot

less traffic.

Pre COVID-19 my favourite time for a walk in my neighbourhood and the local forest ravine was early

morning. I like the light of the early day and I also liked that I rarely saw other people out walking. These

quiet times were appropriate to the time of day while now my walks at any time of day are quiet. In the

afternoon or just after dinner I still expect to see some activity and I do not. It is eerie and has made my

walks simply functional and not as enjoyable.

Perceptions

Most adults I speak to describe some level of anxiety, angst or boredom related to functioning in our

COVID-19 world. The level and intensity of these feelings vary throughout the day and days, but they are

present. I believe that this is directly related to our ties to what has been our world and our desire to return

to some form of that world. At this point we do not have a clear sense of when the restrictions will be

relaxed or lifted, and our anxiety seems to be firmly linked to our knowing this.

I compare this to my perception of my granddaughter’s experience. Sure, she is sensitive to her parent’s

moods and may be cranky or fussy when the anxiety of her parents increases for whatever reason but on

the whole, I expect that she does not suffer the same level of angst. Pre COVID-19 she would go out most

every day for some activity, be it a visit to the local playground, going to the play gym, going swimming at

the pool, attending story time at the library or joining her mother in meeting friends for coffee or lunch. Now

her days are more restricted in terms of outings and expanded in other ways. Her father now works from

home which means no time spent commuting and he is home for his lunch and other breaks. According to

them, this gives the family about three hours more together every day. This is a bonus for all three of them.

From what my daughter has said to me, she has also been intentionally mixing things up in their days, and

this seems to fit well with my granddaughter’s curious and active spirit. I believe that this time in her life will

be one that she may not remember explicitly but an implicit memory will be laid down of being well

supported and loved. In addition, as she has not formed a clear sense of what was the pre-COVID-19

“normal”, anything that does emerge as our new “normal” will likely be accepted by her as just the way

things are. She is not likely to suffer any grief related to the loss of expectations for what is not included in

our new normal. Perhaps she will also have very different expectations for what should be “normal”?

Perhaps it will be the young children who will lead us toward a more sustainable way of living on our

planet?

Tuesday, April 14th, 2020

This morning I was thinking about my son and his fiancée’s wedding planned for July 24 th, 2020, and

wondering if it would be able to go ahead. It is so unclear when the restrictions will be lifted on numbers of

people allowed in a gathering, physical distancing rules, restaurants serving food and so on. In our city

most if not all festivals scheduled for the summer have been cancelled. We shared our son’s concern that if

they tried to have the wedding, invited the 110 people they wanted to attend and then the restrictions for

gatherings were limited to 50, how would they reduce their numbers. Planning an event like a wedding

hopefully is a happy event and planning something in our COVID-19 world tends to be stressful. Most

people in my family were hopeful that this would go ahead and were looking forward to having a great

party. I was too.

After careful consideration, my son and his fiancée decided to postpone the wedding and have set the date

for July 23rd, 2021. I was disappointed for them but also relieved as they said they were. Something to look

forward to next year.

Care centres, loneliness and disconnection

It has been stated that anyone over the age of 60 or people who have chronic conditions like

cardiovascular disease, diabetes or who are obese are more likely to have a poor prognosis if infected with

the virus. One group of people in Canada who have been hit hard by COVID-19 are the elderly who live in

congregate settings. This is to be expected, these individuals typically are over 75 years of age and almost

all have some type of chronic illness or disease that requires care. These are vulnerable people with or

without the virus. That they all live in close quarters increases their vulnerability to any contagions like the

flu or a virus.

The care centre that I volunteer at often has outbreaks of flu or flu like illnesses and when they do, they

immediately go into lockdown which means no volunteers are able to enter the complex, other visitors are

limited, nursing and other care staff take extra precautions with patient care and housekeeping staff ramp

up the cleaning processes. This limits the spread quite efficiently. When the COVID-19 pandemic was

declared that care centre quickly implemented a system similar to their regular lockdown procedures and

much more. We as volunteers could not go into the complex, and the other procedures were put in place.

Prior to having been required to do so by public health officials the care centre began monitoring any family

visitors for symptoms and then started monitoring all staff as they came to work. I am crossing my fingers

as I note that there have been no cases or suspected cases of COVID-19 at the care centre. I hope it stays

that way.

This care centre is operated by a faith-based, not-for-profit, registered charity that operates several care

centres in Western Canada. Care centres in Canada are operated by the public health care system, non -

profit organizations as well as private for-profit corporations. The private for-profit companies happily report

a good return on investment for their shareholders. One of the issues that has arisen within Canada is the

poor quality of care provided to the elderly in care centres brought to the public eye by the COVID-19

pandemic. Not surprisingly it seems that the care provided in the private for-profit centres is typically thinner

and less robust. In other words, residents receive less care, and pay more for their accommodation and

care. With less care, they tend to be ill more often. Several care centres across the country have reported

outbreaks of COVID-19 amongst both their residents and their staff and many of the deaths in Canada are

elderly from these centres. There has been a public outcry about this care deficit and increased attention

on the need to improve and secure quality care for the elderly. This attention is well deserved.

The whole notion of care centres for housing our elderly has always bothered me. I understand that it

makes sense from one perspective but on another I find it unacceptable. I know that some people get to the

point where their care needs exceed their ability to manage and care services like home care can no longer

manage as well. This also flows from the way we live particularly in the western world. Nuclear families live

separately rather than in multigenerational groups and as people age, they are often left to live alone.

Within Canada 24.6% of the population 65 and older live alone and this proportion increases with age such

that 36.6% of women 85 and older live alone and 21.8% of men over 85 live alone. Many of the remainder

of this group live alone in congregate care.

Living alone has its risks and the impact these risks become more significant as one ages. This has been

studied extensively and we know a lot about this, yet it seems to me that we are still at a loss of what to do

to reduce these risks. The risks are not surprising and tend to feed into each other. Some of the risks are

social isolation & loneliness; inability or fear of outside activity; fewer social contacts and events; grea ter

chance of depression; higher rate of anxiety; more likely to be poor; lack of help in an emergency; greater

risk of fall hazards; greater risk of accidental overdoses; higher rate of malnutrition; unable to maintain

basic housekeeping or hygiene; and greater chance of having symptoms of illness or disease unnoticed. As

people who live alone progress through these risks, they often deteriorate to the extent that they need to

seek out congregate care.

Perhaps with the “stay at home” restrictions that have been placed on all of us we have an opportunity to

more clearly appreciate and understand the negative aspects of the lives of people who live alone. How do

they cope with the loneliness and the isolation? Can we begin to understand why they lose their de sire and

their ability to socialize and to get out of the perceived safety of their homes? How do we who still have the

freedom and the skills to engage in our communities, in our world, assist others to do the same? How do

we afford them their independence while still maintaining and enhancing their social connections? These

are all considerations for us now and in our post COVID-19 world. I hope that our foray into being alone at

home will enhance our ability and actions in addressing the needs of people who do live alone. Maybe by

doing this we can reduce the numbers of people who need to access congregate care?

Another side of this consideration is how we are coping in this COVID-19 seclusion. Will we all become like

these elderly people who have been living alone and will we become more and more at risk for all they

suffer? At what point in our seclusion will we begin to suffer from the social isolation & loneliness and then

begin to fear outside activity to the point where we can no longer engage in these activities? Will our

technologically supported forms of connection hold us, or will we eventually have sufficiently fewer social

contacts such that we lose them altogether? At what point will we fall into greater risk of depression and

anxiety? How long can we hold onto our actions to eat well, to maintain basic housekeeping or hygiene and

attend to all the actions that promote good health and well-being?

Wednesday, April 15th, 2020

Today the confirmed case count worldwide reached over 2 million and there have been 129,187 deaths.

96% of those confirmed are in mild condition and 4% or 51,512 are in serious or critical condition

As of today, there are 27,557 cases of COVID-19 reported in Canada and 954 deaths. In Alberta the case

count is 1,996 with 48 deaths reported

Having the worldwide COVID-19 case count reach over 2 million seems significant to me. I know that there

are around 8 billion people in the world and thus the proportion of the total population is not even 1%. Yet,

2 million just seems like a lot of people. I continue to be encouraged by the report that around 96% of

people infected have a mild case of the virus. Nonetheless I am waiting to see numbers decrease.

Food and choices

Today is another grocery pick up day and we do the regular routine of washing packaging and putting fruits

and vegetables in different bags. Not sure if this activity is necessary but as it has become a bit of a routine

there doesn’t seem to be reason for not doing it. The saying “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of

cure” comes to mind.

Something that I have noticed as we have progressed through this pandemic is the change in some of our

food choices. As I noted previously, with online grocery shopping we are engaging in way less impulse

buying. I have had the occasional temptation to buy an item that was not on my list, like the potato cheese

snacks that I never would have bought in the store but saw them as I was strolling through the frozen

vegetables online and they looked so good. And they were by the way.

Usually, we do not buy very many items from the freezer section of the store, but we had a moment when

we worried that maybe the fresh fruits and veggies would not be available, so we stocked up on the frozen

ones. Buying and using frozen vegetables is not our normal practice.

Another choice we have been making is to limit choosing fruits and vegetables that we have become very

accustomed to having access to but that are “exotic” in that we would not be likely to be able to find these

locally. This includes items like avocados and mangos but also strawberries, raspberries blueberries etc.

that can be found locally but are seasonal. Of course, there are still many foods that we continue to buy

regardless of their local availability or seasonal nature, like sweet potatoes, cauliflower, broccoli and so on.

Our local access to various fruits and vegetables is making me think more about local availability and

gardening options. In this regard I have signed us up for the CSA with a local farm/greenhouse for the

summer and fall. We had participated a couple of years back and loved picking up our bag of fresh veggies

every Thursday. The notion of the CSA: Community Supported Agriculture had not really sunk into my mind

when we first bought into the weekly delivery of fresh produce. I was thinking of it just as that, delivery of

fresh produce. After a while I began to understand the difference between going to the local farmers market

to buy produce, from the same farmer, and signing up for a season of delivery.

Once I understood it, I liked the practice even more.

Now in our COVID-19 world I see this notion: CSA as even more important. By purchasing the package of

weekly delivery, we are supporting these small local farmers to do their thing, grow and supply great fresh

vegetables, knowing that they have buyers for their produce. This reduces their risk and ensures that I have

fresh local vegetables for a season. I signed up for the program yesterday and we can look forward to our

first pick up on July 9th, 2020, and for 15 weeks we will walk to our local café and pick up our bag of

produce. I love finding veggies that I would not normally buy and figuring out how to prepare them. This

year, this routine means so much more to me.

An ounce of prevention

During my meditation and yoga this morning I was struck by the concept of breath. It is a simple thing,

breathing, except when you cannot breathe. For the most part our breathing is automatic and not within our

conscious thought, again not until we struggle with breathing.

Our nervous system is directly impacted by our breath and exercises to calm the nervous system always

involve a focus on breath. The link between the quality of our breathing is also linked to our vagus nerve

which in turn impacts our organs and our overall health and well-being.

I like the quote attributed to Joseph Pilates: “Breathing is the first act of life and the last, our very life

depends on it”. As our stress levels increase our breathing tends to become more and more shallow and

restricted to our upper chest and this in turns reinforces our fight or flight response. It becomes a vicious

circle. Taking time to focus on deep inhales and long exhales can take us back to feelings of calm. So

much of meditation, yoga, Pilates and other body movement forms include a concentration on breath, slow,

deep and long.

This morning I thought about the connection between the various zoonotic viruses that have been ravaging

humans over the last several years. Many like COVID-19 attack our respiratory system and thus impact our

ability to breathe. We hear about respirators and intubations that are used to help those most severely ill

from the virus, front line health care providers wear masks to prevent transmission of the virus and now

citizens in many countries including Canada are being advised to wear face masks if they are in situations

where they are not able to keep physical distance. All of this brings attention to the very act of breathing,

the critical function of the body, what keeps us alive. Perhaps it will also draw our attention to the

importance and positive impact of slow and easy breath for our overall health. If we were to recognize the

connection between strong vibrant breathing, we may begin to see the value of maintaining our health in

other ways as well, like daily movement and exercise, eating whole foods prepared at home and

opportunities to slow our pace.

There are clear indications and warnings that the manifestations of COVID-19, caused by the coronavirus,

are more severe and more likely to be fatal for people who have pre-existing health conditions like chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), cardiovascular disease, diabetes, obesity, or hypertension.

Although the health care system has been able to support people with these conditions with various

medications and interventions, the virus gets past all these remediations to damage the body often beyond

repair. Even though healthy people can have a bad outcome with the virus, having a chronic health

condition tends to result in these individuals struggling more in fighting the effects of the virus. Will this

connection get the attention of individuals and the health care system about the importance of preventing

these conditions in the first place? Can an outcome of our COVID-19 pandemic be that we put disease

prevention on a higher pedestal? Could our measure of seclusion make each of us value our state of

physical and mental health more than before?

An interesting news item found by my husband today: March 2020 is the first March since 2002 that there

has not been a school shooting in the US. Most obvious explanation of course is that schools are shut

down. Wow.

Thursday, April 16th, 2020

Today I learned that yesterday my dear friend Mabel passed away, she was 89 years of age. Her passing

away was not linked to COVID-19, she was not diagnosed with the virus. Mabel had been suffering with

many health issues over the last few years and since being admitted to the continuing care centre around

2- and one-half years ago, she has been almost exclusively bedridden. Other than the wonderful friendship

that we developed over the years, one of the benefits of my visits with her was my ability to assist her to sit

up in bed, to make her a snack, bring her treats from her favourite store and take care of a variety of

chores, like phone calls to friends or her pharmacist or whomever. Listening to her stories and her concerns

about her family, her health, her issues with staff or anything else was something I enjoyed. Over time

Mabel’s health continued to deteriorate and the last time I saw her in early March she was no longer able to

sit up in bed. She needed me to hold her cup up to her lips so she could drink her blueberry juice. This was

a change that signalled decline.

Ironically another factor in her deterioration was her keen mind and her attention to world events. She was

a fabulous storyteller and remembered details of her days in the second world war as if it were yesterday.

She watched the news regularly and often wanted to talk about the significance of world events. And she

also was very deeply concerned about some of the developments in our world. They frightened her

primarily because they reminded her of the times leading up to, during and immediately after WWII.

Priorities of world leaders and actions of the same worried her immensely. She wondered why there was

poor treatment of certain peoples, not more attention to the impacts of climate change, about the adversity

between and within countries and our heavy focus on the economy at the expense of people. As she said

to me, she had seen this before and it scared her. This worry and stress were probably not good for her

overall health.

Unfortunately, since the emergence and recognition of the COVID-19 pandemic I had not been able to visit

Mabel. I am a volunteer and volunteers were no longer allowed to enter the care centre. This would have

played on her mind. I suspect however that the existence of the pandemic and the changes that this

resulted in for her life as well as the lives of the other residents and the staff of her home, the continuing

care centre would have negatively impacted Mabel. This would have been a major source of worry for

Mabel. Perhaps this was enough to weaken her such that she passed away. I will miss her terribly and do

wish I could have seen her once more before she passed but I will cherish the friendship that we had. I am

happy that she did not have to suffer with COVID-19 and passed away peacefully after a brief visit with her

daughters.

Later in the day, one of her daughters contacted me to make sure I was aware of Mabel’s passing and to

thank me for visiting her so regularly and for being her friend. I told her that the pleasure had been all mine.

It was not always easy to visit Mabel, but I always felt lighter after being with her. I was honoured to asked

to write a tribute to Mabel and share it with her family. I hope that this presented their mother to them from

a slightly different perspective.

I listened to a video by Caroline Myss today and thought it apropos that she referred to our COVID-19 world

as “the age of incredible, unimaginable and unthinkable”. I think she is right.

Friday, April 17th, 2020

Nonbelievers

Today I reacted to how our provincial government is responding to the COVID-19 pandemic by drafting a

letter to our premier and sending it to him, all his MLAs (Members of Legislative Assembly), all opposition

MLAs, our Prime Minister, Deputy Prime Minister, Federal Minister of Health, My Member of Parliament and

the National Chief Medical Officer of Health (CMOH), and the CMOH for Alberta and B.C.

I am writing to you today to express my alarm and dismay at hearing your comments about how the federal

government and more specifically, the Chief Medical Officer of Health Dr. Theresa Tam has managed the

COVID-19 pandemic for Canada. Your lack of respect for her expertise and the combined expertise of the

public health system in Canada is appalling to say the least. There is no one way to address the

unprecedented nature of this pandemic crisis we are in. And as I noted earlier, hindsight is 20/20 vision,

which we do not have access to in the thick of a catastrophe. Your suggestion that you were itching to

address the pandemic in January or February and thus much earlier than the Federal Government and as

advised by Dr. Tam is fantasy. Clearly your sole focus until and even after the pandemic hit us has been on

shoring up the oil and gas corporations (not the workers) and your fictional 2020 budget. Maybe you ca n

recall that in January and February your focus was on attempting to bully the Federal Government into

approving the Teck Resources Frontier Mine. To even hint that you were ready to address the yet

unacknowledged pandemic is a tall tale at best.

Your comments about not “waiting to play catch up with Health Canada” in moving forward in addressing

the pandemic with interventions including untested drugs is both foolish and frightening. It is frightening for

Albertans and Canadians who are counting on a measured approach set in the Canadian Constitution and

coordinated by the team of experts that we have assembled in Canada, and which is linked to a broader

network of experts within the WHO working on the pandemic.

Further, that you have insinuated that President Trump and his poorly lead FDA and the strangled CDC

have more wisdom than the Canadian experts or the WHO is absurd and again super scary. Perhaps you

have not noticed that the US has the worst impact of the COVID-19 pandemic partly due to the resistance

of Trump in acknowledging the virus, his lack of knowledge about the nature of pandemics and his

impatience in wanting to relax restrictions too soon. He has also demonstrated his lack of respect for public

health expertise, scientists in general (except those that he has paid to say what he wants to hear) and he

has been clear that the lives of Americans are expendable in support of the economy. That he is still

entertaining the idea that the virus is a Chinese hoax or attack is ludicrous. That you are aligning with him

in any way is even more so.

The comments you have made about the handling of the pandemic by the federal government and our

Canadian public health system has created confusion, fear and animosity in a time when Canadians,

Albertans included, need to be assured that the crisis is being taken seriously and that they are being

supported to do what they can in the efforts to get past the worst of the pandemic. Within this milieu you

have set, one begins to question the independence of our CMOH and her being allowed to stay true to our

public health needs during the pandemic.

This is a global pandemic that is affecting all humans regardless of status, color, wealth or political

allegiance. This is not a competition to see who does what the best or a race to see who will get the rights

and make the most money from actions to intervene with COVID-19. We are in an “incredible,

unimaginable and unthinkable” time and we must respect this if we are to emerge and survive. We need to

let the experts do their work and then to heed their advice. This is not a time to be shooting off at the mouth

all in an effort to return to the “normal” that obviously was not working well. COVID-19 did not cause the

price of oil to drop. It only took it further in the direction that it was already headed.

I am deeply concerned with your comments and the direction that they point towards and how this direction

will negatively impact the health and welfare of Albertans.

- When will you let the epidemiological and public health experts truly take the lead in addressing this

pandemic?

- When will you take this pandemic seriously and address it from a public health perspective not an

economic one? And thus,

- When are you going to stop relying on the Emergency Management Cabinet Committee, which has

no expertise or knowledge about health care issues or pandemics, to guide our public health

approach?

- When are you (and your committee) going to take the health and lives of the workers in the oil & gas

and meat packing and other large plants seriously and thus prevent a broader outbreak of COVID-

19 within Alberta?

Our premier has started to act somewhat like Trump in his approach to the pandemic and he is

demonstrating this in his open criticism about how the pandemic is being and has been managed by

Canada’s Federal government and the CMOH for Canada.

Frankly, the actions of Trump and the premier of my province scare me more than the pandemic itself. I

trust people to do the right thing and in thinking of others will follow the guidance of the public health

experts. I do believe that they have the public interest at heart and are in no way involved in any sort of

conspiracy to take down the economy. I also believe that the public health measures have had a positive

impact on the prevalence of cases in many areas of the world. I understand that the progression of the

pandemic is complicated, that we do not know all the details about how the virus is mutating or what

treatment protocols are being successfully developed however we do know that if you increase your

exposure to others who may or may not be infected your chances of being infected also increase, thus the

physical distancing protocols and the stay at home as much as possible recommendations make sense.

From my perspective these must be heeded.

That a “world leader” (I have difficulty referring to Trump as a leader, arghhh!) is generating fears, doubts

and resistance to the public health advice and even doubting that we are in the midst of a pandemic is

destructive and very egotistical. The number of cases in the US continue to soar, as do the deaths and yet

there is resistance to the measures that are the only hope of stabilizing the numbers. I realize that there are

many people who do not believe this, and I struggle with understanding how they cannot believe. Now that

the premier of my province is starting to talk like Trump infuriates me and thus my letter. I know that the

letter will not be read by the premier or probably anyone else, but it makes me feel better.

Gardening

A few days ago, I was thinking about my changing thoughts related to food; our access to food that now

comes from all areas of the world, my interest in trying to be more focussed on local food producers and my

interest in gardening. An emerging concern about the sustainability of food distribution and availability in

Canada has also piqued my interest. Thus far, I have not noticed any examples of food shortages other

than the ones like flour resulting from the baking craze, but I do wonder if over time and particularly as the

situation gets worse in the US, some shortages will occur. As noted in a previous post, I have enrolled in

our local CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) to have a steady source of locally grown fresh

vegetables for the summer and fall. This decreases my reliance on long distance trade that may be

impacted in many ways.

I am happy that the COVID-19 pandemic has occurred at this time of year as I feel that we can make it to

the local growing season before we do encounter any major shortages.

This is also inspiring me to make a more dedicated effort in my own vegetable garden this year. Last year

we were able to plant a garden and did have success with some of the vegetables, most notably, potatoes,

tomatoes, greens and garlic. The peas, carrots, beans and beets were mediocre, and the broccoli and

cauliflower and zucchini were a bust. As I planted this garden last year, I felt like I was doing so to provide

food for myself and my husband but in retrospect perhaps it was more of a game, plant the seeds, see how

they grow and maybe eat some. This year I am itching to plant my seeds and to foster their growth as best I

can. On my to-do list is a request to my city for permission to place a raised bed in the boulevard in front of

my house where I want to plant my potatoes. Potato plants take a fair bit of room, and the boulevard just

seems to be waiting for something more vibrant than the spindly grass it supports now. Hope they say yes!

I am viewing my garden as a food source, not a game or something nice to keep me occupied. This is a

change in perception that I believe I can attribute to the COVID-19 pandemic and my evolving sense of the

world and my place in it.

Saturday, April 18th, 2020

Today is my 66th birthday. Over the last several years, although I have not wanted any focus on my

birthday, I have been happy to accept the love and best wishes of my family and friends. Any birthdays

occurring in our COVID-19 pandemic world are being celebrated differently and this is okay with me.

Tarts from La Boule from my hubby, a “money plant” (Guiana Chestnut) from my oldest daughter, a foam

massage roller from another daughter and lots of phone calls, texts and e-cards. We will have a nice dinner

tonight and a good bottle of red wine. Maybe refraining from looking at the news will be a little gift to myself.

Zoom, zoom

My daughter has set up a zoom call to celebrate my birthday. My three children and their families and my

husband and I will take part in the call. I am excited and honoured but mostly I just want to see my whole

family together, even if it is virtually.

This medium seems to work well, we can see everyone at the same time and the flow between speakers is

smooth. This is a great birthday gift! We have a toast and then catchup on what each of us have been up to

since Easter Sunday, when we last spoke via video. My granddaughter loves seeing my son and daughter-

in-law’s cats. She loves cats. Apparently, this is a favourite activity of hers these days, going for a walk with

her parents and looking for cats or dogs for that matter. After the excitement with the cats there is my

daughter’s dog and more squeals from our precious little one.

I love having these group online conversations, seeing everyone, and chatting with all, but sneaking into my

enjoyment is a sinking feeling of dread. It is not visible in our group discussion, but I just get a sense that

this remote connection will slowly weaken if not sever our ties. I admit that I am a luddite in many ways, and

I am an idealist. I love face-to-face contact and know the value of the same for building and maintaining

relationships. It’s important!

This has been a struggle for me in this COVID-19 world that has us self-isolating, sheltering in place and

physical distancing. I worry that over time we will become comfortable with a more distant form of

connection and lose the hearty soul of physical connection. I realize what a hands-on person I am and how

important things like hugs, touch, and sharing space and food are to me. I long for the times when these

will be possible again.

Feast

Today would have been a “Feast Among Friends” evening. I miss getting the house prepared for our

visitors, making the dining room table longer, wrapping up the cutlery, setting up the bar and putting out a

few snacks, in case no one brings an appetizer. This would have been our 7th Feast and I wonder when the

next one will happen. I know that our friends who would normally join us tonight are well and coping well

with our new way of being. This is a blessing.

On our walk in our neighbourhood today we talked with a family we know who were having a family

birthday party for their 4-year-old daughter. The three young girls were having fun playing outside

completely oblivious to the pandemic. It was a time for fun and a slice of delicious cake. We were relieved

to talk with our neighbours, not knowing if they had been the family that had the visit from the ambulance

the previous week. Both were well, he is working in essential services: food and her working from home.

Sunday, April 19th, 2020

Took a break from my new morning routine of meditation and yoga and fell back into an old one: having tea

in bed and reading a book. This is a habit that I formed when I was housesitting alone several years ago. I

was working on writing a book and was still busy organizing my thoughts and filling in the blanks of my

framework. I found that sitting there in bed looking out over the bay (this was in a very comfy house in a

stunning location by the ocean) surrounded by books and my notebooks, I felt inspired. Sipping on my tea,

sometimes two cups, completed the ambience. This habit was carried along with me and for a time, it

became an almost daily habit for a little while but then fell away, until today.

This was supposed to be relaxing and regenerative however it did not turn out that way. Instead of reading

the book I had selected for my contribution to our upcoming book club chat, I turned to my phone and read

a few long and interesting articles about you guessed it: the COVID-19 pandemic. One was written by a Dr.

Michael Greger called “Takeaways from my Webinar on COVID-19”. Greger is an American physician who

promotes a whole-food, plant-based diet and is clear about his opposition to animal-derived food products

and processed foods. I have read his book, follow his blog, and respect his opinion on things as they are

based on thorough research. His outline of how we got to the coronavirus and the other zoonotic viruses

that we have faced in the last several years was informative. He goes on to speak about slowing the

outbreak and then the clinical presentation of COVID-19, how it attacks the body and available treatments,

how to prevent getting the virus and ends with a recipe for homemade hand sanitizer. I found the

information useful but also alarming. There is so much we do not know about this virus, and I suspect that

many people are not interested in the details, they just want to go back to “normal”.

His concise presentation of this information was in clear contrast to the news articles about the outbreak at

a meat packing plant in our province and those about the escalating protests in the US to recognize that the

pandemic is a hoax, and we just need to get the economy going again. I am troubled by the resistance to

the public health measures. There is so much resistance to accepting the power of the virus.

This morning reading COVID-19 related material instead of meditating and my yoga practice left me

anxious, frazzled and obviously upset. All day long I was agitated and had a hard time settling. A long walk

helped but not completely.

This made me realize just how important my daily practice of meditation and yoga has been for my peace

of mind during this exceptional time. Making my second collage helped somewhat.

Monday, April 20th, 2020

We are now 35 days into our stay-at-home habit. In all this time we have only been in a grocery store once

and in a liquor store once. Not bad for over a month.

Today I would have been attending a session with an end-of-life care guru to enhance my volunteer vigiling

work with dying patients. I had read a few of Alan Wolfelt’s books and I was expecting the session to be

excellent. I hope that it is rescheduled at some point. In the meantime, my volunteer role sitting with people

who are dying is on hold. As a group of volunteers, we will be dropping off care baskets to the staff who

continue to work in the care centres where we most often volunteer. At this point, I do not feel comfortable

working in a small area with a group of other volunteers to put the baskets together so I will contribute with

a donation. I love the idea of recognizing these care workers who like other health care providers are

potentially risking their lives by providing care in these congregate settings. I give them a lot of praise and

wish them well.

I have been worried about the number of cases that have been identified in a few of the meat packing

plants in Alberta and in a larger oil sands camp. About a week ago there were rumblings in the press about

a possible outbreak of COVID-19 in one meat packing plant in southern Alberta. At the time it was the

union raising a concern about a number of individuals who had contracted the virus and that the

management of the company was not addressing the concerns of the workers. They were concerned as

around 38 workers had become sick and had been tested as positive for the virus. From the standpoint of

the workers and the union the company was not following public health requirements, and this was

contributing to the spread of the virus. Accusations of management not allowing sick workers to take sick

time, asking the asymptomatic workers to come to work anyways, not providing PPEs like masks and not

allowing for physical distancing for the workers. This was ignored by the company and by our government

who played down the situation saying it was under control. Which we know it was not.

This infuriated me. I had sent an email to the Premier last Thursday asking why the plant had not been

closed given that 38 workers had contracted COVID-19 and then had reiterated this in a letter I sent to the

Premier et al about his management of the COVID-19 crisis in general. Today the case count is 360

workers and another 124 of their family members infected for a total of 484 people with COVID-19 from this

one worksite. This is 42 more people infected than the 442 totals for the Edmonton zone which has 1.3M

people while the area that has the packing plant has about 14,000 people. I am appalled that our

government put the economic benefit of a US company ahead of the health of these 484 people. We know

there will be more cases.

The official story is that beef and specifically beef that is made into ground beef mostly for McDonalds and

other fast-food chains is an essential service. The unofficial story is that this is a larger corporation, a US

corporation of course, that has shareholders to respond to and shutting down business is not an option.

The other part of the story is that the majority of the 2,100 workers at the plant are immigrant workers

mostly Filipinos. These workers do shit jobs for an average hourly wage of $14.60 while the minimum wage

in Alberta is supposed to be $15.00/hour. Many of these workers live in multigenerational homes that do

not allow for self-quarantine of individuals who are sick with COVID-19 and thus the increased spread in

the community. This is abysmal and even more so as for me it highlights how messed up the priorities of

our governments are, not just my provincial government but governments in general. The health and wealth

of the corporation and especially the larger corporations always take precedence over regular people. I

want this to change, and I hope that the pandemic and its negative impact on the economy will give this a

push.

Alberta also has had outbreaks occur at least two other meat packing plants and in an oil sands operation

work camp. I am furious about all these outbreaks because they were predictable and preventable, and the

economy ruled against public health advice and allowed workers and their families to get sick.

Tuesday, April 21st, 2020

A Shop-up

We had an exciting morning. We decided to take advantage of the big warehouse store, Costco’s policy of

setting Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 8 AM until 9 AM as “seniors only shopping”. We arrived at

the store around 7:40 AM, thinking we were early enough to get a head start. Boy we were wrong! The line-

up for the store was zippered fourfold along the length of the outside of the store. Our initial response was

to go home and try again the next day. Instead, we donned our face masks and our gloves and joined the

line. It was long but moved at a fairly steady pace and by around 8:15 we were in! We love Costco, large

quantities of food and assorted other things and we had not had a decent shop up for a couple of months.

We had carefully sorted our list into the areas of the store, and we split up to gather our things. I felt a bit

hasty in picking up stuff on my list, I think I just did not like being in a large area where other people

gathered. Wow, this was a change, I used to not even notice the crowds in the store. There were no crowds

today. Costco as a company has taken the pandemic seriously right from the start. They began limiting the

number of people entering the store, were cleaning every cart before it was used by a customer, the food

court was shut down except for take-out. Staff had begun to be tested before coming to work and some

who had symptoms were sent home with pay, unlike the meat packing plants these managers were not

taking any chances. Knowing that they had implemented a robust cleaning protocol and were being super

careful with their staff gave me a sense of comfort while shopping. Nonetheless, we got what we needed

and got out of there. Feeling vulnerable was my excuse for buying potato chips and tortilla chips as treats.

A super long walk today and my mood is fabulous. What a difference a day makes.

News from the US

My cousin-in-law/friend who lives in Portland, Oregon sent me his analysis of what has been unfolding in

the US as related to the COVID- 19 pandemic response. He is obviously frustrated with the response from

the White House and the response from Americans. In this last email he noted that anti-pandemic

protestors were starting to show up around the US demanding that businesses, churches, restaurants,

barber shops and hairdressers, etc. etc. be allowed to open up. They just want the economy to get back to

“normal”. However, according to polls, at least 2/3 of the country thinks this is a really bad idea. So, my

friend asks: “So how should this work? Should 1/3 of the country be allowed to put the health of the other

2/3 at risk?” This is concerning for the 2/3 group.

He also points out the obvious and that is that President Trump has fuelled this fire of protest and belief that

the pandemic is a “Chinese hoax” or a “plandemic” the makings of the leftist democrats. I loved the cartoon

he sent; it seems to say it all.

Like him I worry that the influence of a “crazed” president could sway the states into ignoring the legitimacy

of the pandemic and the need to be cautious, allowing the country to ride out the storm. If they move too

fast many will suffer. We in Canada and other countries could be impacted as well.

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2020

Today the confirmed case count worldwide reached 2,621,436 and there have been 182,989 deaths. 97%

of those confirmed are in mild condition and 3% or 56,671 are in serious or critical condition

As of today, there are 39,805 cases of COVID-19 reported in Canada and 1,966 deaths. In Alberta the case

count is 3,401 with 66 deaths reported. We reported 306 new cases today, this is too many!

Once again, we ventured out of our house and beyond our daily walks in the neighbourhood and went to

our drugstore for vitamins and other sundries that we had run out of. We wore our masks and gloves and

followed the one-way arrows directing traffic down the aisles of the store. The store was busier than I would

have expected and very few other shoppers were wearing masks. It kind of looked like a normal day, not a

day in the middle of a pandemic. Although maybe not quite as busy as normal, the streets were fairly busy.

I was troubled by this as I saw it as a sign that maybe people are losing their sense of urgency related to

the spread of the virus. Talking to my daughter in BC, she reported a similar observation. It is difficult to

react to an invisible threat like the coronavirus especially when on the outside everything looks normal. And

perhaps some people are being influenced by the protesters in US and here in Canada as well. Apparently,

there have been fairly regular, albeit small, protests outside Vancouver City Hall and there was one in

Calgary last weekend. Also, there are public figures like an MLA (Member of Legislative Assembly) in

Alberta who this week stated that the pandemic was a hoax promoted by the opposition party. This is the

same MLA for the region of the province which has the biggest outbreak of COVID-19 in the province.

As of today, there are 440 workers infected, one of whom has died and another who is in ICU. Over 124

community transmissions have been reported. These are family members of the workers. The plant has

now closed, the company noting that the closure was for “operational issues” however if you dig deeper,

you find that it is because the workers who are not already identified as being sick are refusing to report to

work. Our provincial union representation organization, the Alberta Federation of Labour has requested that

a criminal investigation be undertaken to determine if the company followed the public health orders that

were in place. I support that.

Now we will wait to see if the other two meat packing plants will be closed as each of them has their own

outbreak: one with 97 cases in the workforce and another with fewer but still enough to be an outbreak.

Appalling Earth Day

Today is Earth Day. It is hard to believe that we have been at it 50 years. My interest in climate change has

peaked in the last several years and last fall I took it beyond my personal interest into initiating the

conversation about how to mitigate and adapt to climate change and to prepare for climate emergencies

that can be expected. We marched with Greta Thunberg when she was in our city. I had read books by

Joanna Macy, Wendell Berry, Naomi Klein, David Suzuki, Bill McKibben and others but was especially

inspired by the book Active Hope by Joanna Macy. This pushed me into action and my husband, and I

approached representatives from our community league to suggest holding community gatherings to talk

about how our community might work together to come up with ideas for mitigating the impact of climate

and adapt to the change that has already occurred. The two gatherings we held were encouraging and we

were on our way to do more when the COVID-19 world of sheltering in place put that on hold. As time goes

on, we will try to determine other ways to continue the conversation.

Since the world has slowed down because of the coronavirus there have been many significant positive

impacts on the environment. The World Meteorological Organization and Center for International Climate

Research has noted that carbon emissions have dropped by 5.5-5.7%. This is good, not enough to truly

address the trajectory of climate change but promising, nonetheless. With changes to travel, commuting

traffic and supply chain the emissions are expected to fall more. Areas of the world like China and India and

large cities around the world have reported amazing improvements in air quality.

This is good news especially if we can keep going in this direction.

Thursday, April 23rd, 2020

Came across a quote somewhere in my virtual travels today that struck a chord with me: “Throughout this

life, you can never be certain of living long enough to take another breath”. It just seems apropos these

days. So much focus on our ability to breathe and our efforts not to come in contact with the droplets of the

coronavirus that might make us sick with COVID-19. The spotlight on how being infected with COVID-19

impacts our capacity to breathe.

Definitions

Today I also realized a subtle distinction in the terminology floating around our new COVID-19 world and I

decided to clear up my understanding. My country Canada, and province Alberta use COVID-19 to refer to

the virus and the situation while other countries like the US use Coronavirus (COVID-19) in their

communication information while the UK uses Coronavirus.

I decided to have a look at definitions in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary and here is what I found.

These definitions sorted it out for me. I guess these are now part of our lexicon.

Friday, April 24, 2020

In Canada and Alberta there has been lots of talk and news about the availability and the quality of PPE for

health care workers, personal care aides, police, firefighters, EMTs, grocery clerks etc. There have been

concerns that there will not be enough to go around as everywhere in the world the demand has increased

exponentially. I have noticed competition amongst countries, provinces and states about who is better at

procuring these supplies. I thought this cartoon fit the situation.

Emergence of a new economy?

On a more serious note, I listened to a webinar hosted by the National Observer and featuring Noam

Chomsky. At 91 years of age, he is sharp as a tack! It was so encouraging to hear him speak about our

choices about how we go forward during and post COVID-19 pandemic. Of course, his outline of the mess

we are in and the mess that is the United States was depressing but confirmed some of my suspicions

about why things are such a mess. He was 10 years old when the world was heading down the road to

World War 2 and he stated that he feels a sense of déjà vu in the impression that the world today is

heading in a very bad direction. He witnessed Hitler and was clear in stating that Trump is much worse than

Hitler and that Trump is a “maximum sadist” as he is bent on destroying human life and the planet. He also

talked about Davos 2020 and the two keynote addresses; one by Trump, “whom they find uncouth” but

tolerate him to get money from him and the second Greta Thunberg. Chomsky viewed this Davos

conference as different in that the elites who attend understood that “the peasants are coming with their

pitchforks” and thus the need for these corporate elite to try to pretend they are nice and care about regular

people, the 99.9% of the population. He inspired me to think about how to get involved in defining our new

world even more than Joanna Macy’s book on climate change.

Noam Chomsky talked about the link between the COVID-19 pandemic and climate change and our need

to decide what kind of world we want to live in. Pointing out that the world has really changed in many

significant ways (e.g., women’s ability to vote; women recognized as persons not property, child labour

laws, civil rights etc.) over the last 100 years. He encouraged the 700+ listeners to get involved or create

the movements that are necessary to turn the world in a new direction. Asked whether we can survive the

economic downturn caused by the COVID-19 pandemic he said that we will be in better shape than after

the depression or WW2 and that the economy can change without being destroyed.

We only had an hour of his time, so I felt like we scratched the surface. He ended by asking each of us to

think about how we want to live, what is important and how “work” might be altered to make our lives better

in many ways. I was so happy that I had the opportunity to listen to him.

Yoga: finished my 30-day yoga journey home, nice!

It is Friday, time to crack open a beer and enjoy the sun on the back deck!

Saturday, April 25th, 2020

Another cartoon that made me laugh, maybe because I think any emotional support dog of mine would feel

a lot like Sparky. Poor Sparky!

Meeting again

Today, we returned to a favourite activity that we had to discontinue due to the self-isolation restrictions

imposed as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. We met up with two other couples whom we have

previously met on Saturday mornings at a downtown café, this time in a public park and respecting physical

distancing.

It was lovely, we brought our folding camp chairs and coffee in our travel mugs and one couple brought

treats from the local “French patisserie”.

It was lovely to be together and to chat about things. Of course, we talked about the COVID-19 pandemic

and how various governments were addressing the same. We also had a chance to catch up on everyone’s

families, how they were coping, were they working and finally we speculated about what might emerge post

pandemic. Most of all it was just wonderful to be in the presence of friends. I did miss the hugs but will be

patient, that time will come soon, I believe.

Connected

A request for connection comes from our granddaughter, she points to her parent’s computer and in her

own way tells them she wants to skype with us. I love that she has initiated the conversation. I see this as a

signal that she is accustomed to this way of connecting. It is normal for her to see us in the screen. I love to

see her, and her parents and it is nice to speak. After a few minutes of being in front of the screen she is

comfortable to go and play with her books, toys or whatever. Hearing our voices at this point is enough for

her and I enjoy watching her hold her toys, work on a puzzle or run around the room. I begin to feel more

relaxed with this form of connection too but not enough to let go of my desire to be in the same room and to

be able to hug and play with her, not just watch her play. I believe this will come to be.

Loosening the reigns

There seems to be more and more discussion about when the restrictions set in place to try to control the

COVID-19 pandemic may be relaxed. Our Chief Medical Officer of Health confirmed her directive that all

festivals and gathering of more than 15 people will not be allowed for the entire summer. When asked if this

meant until September 21st it became clear that she was speaking about the end of August, but this

question gave her pause for thought. Although I enjoy our summer festivals and our city has many of them,

I agree with the restriction as I see these large get togethers as an ideal setting for potential spread of the

virus.

We have an interesting development in our province; there are two major cities with approximately the

same population numbers: Edmonton and Calgary. Edmonton has a little over 10% of the cases while

Calgary has 70%. In addition, Edmonton zone’s new cases have been minimal since a small surge of 39

cases on March 31, 2020. Calgary zone cases increase significantly every day. There has been lots of

speculation about the differences between the cities, some say one reason is that the Calgary International

Airport is a hub airport, but this is not supported with evidence that more people who fly into this hub stay in

Calgary. Another reason that holds some water is that 27 continuing care and assisted living facilities in

Calgary have outbreaks of COVID-19. Edmonton has an outbreak in one centre. Finally, there is a meat

packing plant that borders Calgary and South Zone and they have had a major outbreak with close to 400

workers infected and over 100 community members now infected. I am not sure what other reasons there

are for the differences except one speculative idea of mine that says that Calgarians are less likely to follow

the public health guidelines as evidenced by the protests about the pandemic being a hoax and wanting to

open up for business again. From my (biased) perspective I believe that Edmontonian are more

considerate of others and therefore are more compliant with the guidelines.

An interesting development is that many people from Calgary, which has not flattened their curve, are

complaining about restrictions on large gatherings over the summer while Edmonton, which has flattened

their curve has taken it in stride. I do not want the public health measures to be loosened too quickly. We

are doing well, at least in our city and I want us to maintain this progress.

On this my 40th day of “sheltering in place” and staying cautious about being out and about, I am feeling

quite comfortable with my new world. I am turning my attention to what might emerge post-COVID-19

pandemic and want to help steer things in a direction that supports human life and respect for nature and

perhaps a lightening up on the strong focus on the economy and traditional measures of GDP. Something

to hope for.

Sunday, April 26th, 2020

Another day of our new way of being. Today I will send a package to my granddaughter: a book about

animals and how they run, she likes to run these days; a picture of cats drawn by her Opa; some clothes I

was hoping to give her at her (cancelled) Easter visit; and another bunny made by her B (that’s me). This

will add to her already enormous collection of stuffies and makes me feel connected to her.

My trip to the post office felt different today, I felt comfortable in my mask and gloves and left the building

feeling unfrazzled, progress or carelessness?

Outdoors

The weather has turned warm almost like summer and today my husband and I went for a long walk on a

totally different route. After walking through our neighbourhood and the next one we ducked down the stairs

in the river valley trails. We are so fortunate to have myriad trails in our extensive river valley, some 180

kms worth.

The first part of the trail is ours alone today, we see a few runners and after that no one. The paths are

wide enough so that if we come across other people, we can maintain our physical distance. The second

part of the trail has more people but significantly fewer than we would have seen on a beautiful Sunday

afternoon. It feels good to be out and about. It feels different in our COVID-19 pandemic world as there is

no thought about stopping somewhere for a coffee or something to eat, our sole purpose is to walk and

soak up the aerosols coming off the trees. We walk for almost 2 hours and feel contentedly tired when we

reach home.

We take some time for a snack and then start our spring yard clean-up. I am looking forward to watching

the many perennials in our garden show their faces again this year. A few tulips have popped up, hooray. I

planted my peas, spinach and kale today.

Monday, April 27th, 2020

Today the confirmed case count worldwide reached 3,055,651 and there have been 211,065 deaths. 97%

of those confirmed are in mild condition and 3% or 56,671 are in serious or critical condition.

Today the case count for the US went over 1M (1,004,942) and they have 56,527 deaths

More US stuff

My friend from Portland sent me more analysis and thoughts about how things are going in the US, not well

he reports! Besides the continued jump in cases and deaths, this week there was the Trump “disinfectant”

fiasco. At a press conference last week Trump suggested that perhaps irradiating the body with extremely

strong UV rays or injecting bleach into our veins (or ingesting it orally as many interpreted) would kill the

virus. Apparently, the calls about the use of bleach and call to poison control have skyrocketed in the US. In

response to the horror of the scientists, he allows to occasionally share his stage, Trump said he would no

longer do any coronavirus updates. Maybe that is a good thing!

Another tidbit my friend was talking about an Op Ed written by Fintan O’Toole, a columnist for the Irish

Times, that was published last Saturday. To give you a taste for his writing he opens with “THE WORLD

HAS LOVED, HATED AND ENVIED THE U.S. NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME, WE PITY IT" and ends with

“…it will be a long time before the rest of the world can imagine America being great again…”. Trump won’t

like to hear this analysis.

The situation in the US frightens me as our countries are so closely tied and the chaos of the US ultimately

has an impact on the world as a whole. We have lived thus far with the influence of Trump on the world and

from my perspective, his absurd form of “leadership” has been the “icing on the cake” in terms of the

condition of our world. Climate mitigation has been thrown for a loop; violence against women, immigrants

and non-white Americans has been given a green light and capitalism has risen to a new ridiculous height.

As my American friends say, “this is no laughing matter!”. Being a Canadian becomes more important to

me every day.

Positive speculation

My focus on the US mess was gladly disrupted when I read an article that talked about what might become

of our world post COVID-19 pandemic. I loved a few of the quotes from a couple of authors.

Olga Tokarczyk wrote in the New Yorker about the pace of life slowing. “Images from my childhood keep

coming back to me. There was so much more time then, and it was possible to ‘waste’ it and ‘kill’ it,

spending hours just staring out the window, observing the ants, or lying under the table and imagining it to

be the ark. Reading the encyclopaedia. Might it not be the case that we have returned to a normal rhythm

of life? That it isn’t that the virus is a disruption of the norm, but rather exactly the reverse — that the hectic

world before the virus arrived was abnormal?”

I loved this description of the possibilities of our future. And I liked even more the following quote by

Arundhati Roy who wrote: “Historically, pandemics have forced humans to break with the past and imagine

their world anew. This one is no different. It is a portal, a gateway between one world and the next. We can

choose to walk through it, dragging the carcasses of our prejudice and hatred, our avarice, our data banks

and dead ideas, our dead rivers and smoky skies behind us. Or we can walk through lightly, with little

luggage, ready to imagine another world. And ready to fight for it.”

I am ready for the fight!

Hike along the river

Today my husband and I went on a long hike along the river that runs through our city. Crossing the foot

bridge over the river we had several choices of where to go, we chose northeast. The rough path through

the woods wended along the river where the remnants of ice from the spring thaw hugged the banks. We

were able to keep our distance from others, we saw few. Butterflies seemed to follow us, and one stopped

to say hello.

It was a beautiful walk, sunny and warm. My husband commented on how blue and clear the sky was. It is

true, there are fewer planes flying overhead and not as many cars on the roads and the sky seems to be

saying thank you.

Feeling lucky to have so many wonderful local trails through natural woodland to visit. Lucky to be outside.

Tuesday, April 28th, 2020

As of today, there are almost 50,000 cases of COVID-19 reported in Canada and 2,700 deaths. 79% of all

deaths in Canada are among the elderly in seniors and long-term care settings.

In Alberta the case count is 4,850 with 80 deaths reported. There are 82 people in hospital, 21 of whom are

in ICU. Edmonton has 486 cases and Calgary has 3,366. Very different numbers for two cities of the same

size.

Essential workers

During the pandemic, the definition of who is an essential worker has evolved. When we have a health

crisis it is obvious that health care workers are identified as essential, but it is not as obvious that the

people who keep our health care facilities clean are also essential. When we are in the midst of a pandemic

involving a highly infectious virus keeping everything, all fomites, clean is critical. Also, a bit of a surprise is

that grocery workers are essential but obviously we need to be able to eat and because of how we have set

up our systems for food access, we need grocery stores. This has put pressure on clerks who before the

COVID-19 pandemic were not considered much at all. That some of them have been given raises in pay is

good however I am not sure that respect for them has risen among the general public. A neighbour

mentioned her conversation with a grocery clerk who said that most customers treat her with hostility,

distain and disrespect. Another clerk commented on how vulnerable she felt being at work and customers

take out their frustrations on her, she goes home in tears most days. These stories make me sad.

What also makes me sad is that corporations who operate “essential” services like meat packing plants

have not taken the health and safety of their workers seriously. Both in the US and in Canada and Alberta,

there have been major outbreaks of COVID-19 among the workers in these plants which have been slow to

shut their doors when they have an outbreak. For example, in the Alberta Cargill plant nearly one half of the

2100 workers have been infected with the virus. One worker has died and at least one other had a very

serious complication and was in ICU for some time. The virus has of course spread into the community

where the plant is located and extended to other nearby towns and cities. The Alberta Cargill Outbreak is

the largest single site outbreak throughout north America. Another plant in a community nearby also has a

high proportion of workers infected and this is likely to grow over the coming weeks. The Cargill plant

closed for a week but only because the workers were too afraid for their health to report to work. The other

plant remains open. From my perspective there has been little concern for these workers.

Today is National Day of Mourning for workers who have lost their lives in the job, apropos.

More gardening

Big thrill today we got a load of premium soil delivered for our garden. As I have noted previously, we are

taking our garden much more seriously this year. We want to eat what we grow. We are hoping this will

come to pass.

Excited that after a year of putting our fruit and veggie scraps in a composter we are now able to put that

rich compost on our garden. The bed is in great shape: good base, fresh hardy compost and premium soil.

All good.

Wednesday, April 29th, 2020

Dance

It is International Dance Day and this morning I watched a Zoom supported “Isolation Hopak” by the

Ukrainian Shumka Dancers from Edmonton. The hopak is often referred to as the National Dance of

Ukraine. Apparently, it has its origins in the early 16th century and has remained a key dance, usually the

finale of a performance, of many Ukrainian dance groups. It incorporates improvisation, allowing dancers to

be highlighted and usually culminates with a fast paced, boisterous ending. This hopak was unique as the

dancing by the dancers or pairs of dancers, each videoed in their own homes, alone is a studio space, on

driveways, or in parks was cleverly edited together to form a coherent piece. My niece was one of the

dancers. It brought tears to my eyes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZHjuMHc1jI

Later in the day I took part in a conference call Board Meeting for the Brian Webb Dance Company, a

company that has been presenting and supporting contemporary dance in Edmonton and Canada for 41

years. We talked about the postponement of the first two shows for the 2020-2021 Season scheduled to

begin in the fall and the uncertainty about the ability to present any of the season. Evidently, our city is

considering keeping all theatres closed until 2021 at the earliest. This will be a blow for the arts comm unity

as a whole not just the dance community and furthermore a loss for the audiences of all these cultural

events.

Watching a zoom video of individuals performing, be it dance, music or theatre is just not the same as

being in the physical presence of a performance. There will need to be some creative thinking to get past

this one.

More gardening

After getting the soil bed ready for our vegetable garden it is time for me to figure out the layout. I like this

part, graph paper, a pencil and a ruler and I am ready to go. It all looks so nice and neat drawn out and I

am hoping that this year’s growth will follow suit and look great. I set up strings to mark the rows and will

plant the seeds tomorrow morning.

Cleaning out another perennial bed was satisfying as I can see new growth. It is so much fun to see the

plants develop over time.

Another long walk in the valley rounded out the day. Half an hour out and back makes for a good hour of

walking, terrific for the body and soul.

Thursday, April 30th, 2020

The end of the second month of our new COVID-19 pandemic world and 45 days of being at home self-

isolating. We stepped out of our self-isolating a bit today when my sister and brother-in-law came by our

house to pick up some of our extra soil for their garden. We spaced ourselves out, 2 metres apart on the

deck to enjoy a coffee and a slice of freshly baked chocolate cake and of course great conversation.

Spending time together has come to mean more as we go from taking this for granted to cherishing time

together. We are social beings and need this face-to-face connection.

After they left, we continued to work on our gardens, brushing away the dried leaves of the fall and finding

new green sprouts poking out of the earth. I love this time, watching vibrant green of the plants emerge

from that which has sat dormant over the winter. I planted some seeds: carrots, beets, radish and swiss

chard.

The two rain barrels that did not survive the winter before last and never made it to the eco station for

disposal seemed perfect for growing some potatoes. My husband sawed them in half, we filled the bottoms

with dirt from dried out planters and then filled them with fresh soil and planted the potatoes. No need to

discard the old rain barrels as they have been repurposed and all those pesky leftover pots have now been

cleaned out. Maybe there are other things that could also be repurposed, like how we live in our world.

Getting back to normal

Over this month of April, we have gone from around 1M COVID-19 cases worldwide to over 3M cases. I

have gone from being fairly freaked out about the coronavirus and the possibility of being personally

infected to having my focus shift toward the overall impact of the coronavirus on the world. I have not been

thinking about my vulnerability as much as I did in the earlier in the pandemic, but I still worry about the

pressure by business, corporations and government (which in many cases are all the same) to “get back to

normal”. I feel we need to let things settle for a bit longer before we loosen the restrictions.

Our Premier, like so many politicians across our country and around the world seem so focussed on getting

business up and running at full speed once again. This being presented when the province is still in the

middle of major outbreaks. In presenting the potential “relaunch” strategy today there is a noticeable

impatience with the natural course of the virus and an urgency to start things up again. From his

presentation of the staging of relaunch it is obvious to me that he is not in full agreement with some of the

holdbacks but knows that to save face he needs to at least appear to take the public health

recommendations seriously. He must recognize that the timing of the relaunch is entirely dependent on the

course of the COVID-19 cases reported, the hospitalizations and the critical care requirements, and he

spouts these words, but I do not sense any commitment on his part. The list of what will be opened

immediately and what will have to wait seemed a jumbled mess and I suspect left more than myself

confused. On reflection the focus was business related with little or no attention to people stuff. Sure, he

repeated that physical distancing must continue to be adhered to and we need to wash our hands, but I

heard nothing about sharing space with extended family or friends. What about “social bubbles” to expand

our connections and getting them back to normal? My tendency to be critical, especially of our provincial

government, does get in the way however I got the sense that the mixed messages that were subtly thrown

out today will lead us away from, instead of towards a sensible relaunch.

I am not as keen to get back to normal. My attention these days is on the possibilities for change in our

world, our culture, that may arise from the pandemic. Can we like Olga Tokarczyk recognize that what was

normal is not normal at all? Can we walk through that gateway that Arundhati Roy spoke of leaving some of

the madness behind? I so very much hope so. I like Caroline Myss’s statement that these are “incredible,

unimaginable and unthinkable” times and we are being provided an opportunity to transform the way we

choose to live in our world.

Opportunities for improvements

I am encouraged by some of the problems that have arisen from the COVID-19 pandemic because they

shine light on issues that have never really had the attention they deserve. One of these is the care of our

elderly and disabled people. Within Canada individuals who live in congregate care have been particularly

vulnerable to the virus and 79% of all deaths in Canada are attributed to people in care centres. There have

been many outbreaks in these continuing care centres. In Calgary, a major city in my province there are

outbreaks in 27 seniors care centres. That 15 of these centres are privately run for profit is a serious

concern. Having had a father and an aunt who spent their last days in a care centre, having been a regular

volunteer in one care centre and sitting vigil with people in a variety of care centres has given me a first-

hand look at how care is provided and is not provided in some cases. That we have corporations making a

profit and investors making money on the backs of the elderly who need care in the last years of their lives

is disgraceful to say the least. The issues of poor-quality care in care centres have been clearly identified

thus bringing the need to examine the system in all areas of our country. It is about time!

Another enduring issue that has had heightened profile is the importance of mental health for our overall

wellbeing. Recognition that there are many elements in our lives that impact the mental health of everyone,

is finally getting more attention. Linked to this is the recognition that loneliness and disconnection can have

a significant influence on people’s physical and mental health. The emphasis on staying connected even if

it is only virtually has been front and centre and well placed.

The delineation of who is an essential worker also points to the discrepancy in being essential and what

these individuals are paid. And in the case of the meat packing plants these workers are not provided safe

working conditions that support their health and wellbeing. If these roles are essential perhaps, we need to

rethink the pay grades, benefits, working conditions and respect that they receive and deserve.

Talk of a transition away from fossil fuels is increasing even though my Premier is still digging in his heels.

Acknowledgment of the issues around climate change and the connection to the way we in the western

world have been living and the emergence of another novel coronavirus are an irritant to those who want

everything to go back to normal but can no longer be ignored. There is no going back to normal, we have

entered a new world and this new world will evolve over time. Talk about a vaccine and treatment for

COVID-19 are the things we are desperately reaching for but there are hints that these may not be

attainable which means we will need to be and do things differently. Maybe this won’t be so bad.

As I say goodbye to April 2020, I mourn the loss of a dear friend, Mabel. I am saddened by my son and his

fiancée’s wedding postponement but look forward to a smashing party next summer. I welcome

opportunities to slowly reconnect with friends and family in person instead of virtually and I am okay with

sticking to the physical distancing rules to do so.

May 2020

Friday, May 1st, 2020

Worldwide the COVID-19 case count reached 3.2M with around 233,000 deaths.

As of today, there are around 55,000 cases of COVID-19 reported in Canada and3,400 deaths. In Alberta

we have 5,573 cases and 92 deaths.

Case increases

I guess it was to be expected nonetheless examining the increases in cases and deaths over this one -

month time period is somewhat stunning. Canada went from 9,718 cases to around 55,000 cases which is

an increase of 466%. The deaths went up by 290% from 871 deaths to 3,400.

In Alberta, the increases were even more dramatic. Alberta went from 111 cases to 5,573 cases which is a

4,920% increase. Yes, that is correct almost a 5,000% increase. Yes, we were at the beginning of the

pandemic progression however these figures are astounding when looked at from this perspective.

The increase in the number of deaths is less dramatic going from 11 deaths in Alberta on April 1st, 2020, to

92 on May 1st, 2020, this being a 736% increase. Again, this is astonishing. I am hoping that the numbers

will level off over this month but worry about that given the rapid relaunch to the previous “normal” or at

least an attempt in that direction.

Another month

We are now on our third month of the COVID-19 pandemic. When we began our self-isolation on March

17th, the month of May seemed so far off and now it is here. At the beginning of this new world, I was

worried about so much; being separated from my girls and their families in Vancouver, of contracting the

virus, finding out that a family member or friend had the virus and how we could possibly stay “self-

isolating for even a month let alone longer. Now I feel comfortable with self-isolating, such as it is, and do

not want this to be stopped. I do not feel we are at a place where we can loosen things up and still be safe

from the ravages of the virus. There is also much talk about the possible appearance of another zo onotic

virus arising somewhere in the world.

I believe we will be in some form of isolation or shut down for some time to come, and that the way we lived

in our world will not come back for at least a year or two and perhaps will never return completely. Some

things we took for granted like international travel I suspect will be a long time coming back and maybe this

is a good thing. Unrestricted trade and the just in time transmission of goods is likely to diminish somewhat.

I also think that a basic fear of infection will hang over us for a while. In the meantime, I hope that there will

be some things that will improve as a result. Can we begin to respect our elders enough to ensure that they

are properly looked after in their final years if they need to go into a congregate care setting? Can we agree

that profiting from their need for care is reprehensible and should no longer be allowed? Now that we have

identified certain people as essential workers, can we compensate them appropriately? Can we also treat

them like they are important, essential?

Most importantly, will families realize that being geographically close is important? I so want all my family to

be nearer to me than they currently are. I hold strong beliefs that being geographically close has value,

value that is greater than the purported ideals of a particular city. Ultimately being able to access the

support of family and to provide support to family is what matters. It is interesting that in the Cargill disaster

(see April 20th, 2020) that has occurred here in Alberta, there was criticism about how many of the

workers, who are Filipino, lived-in multigenerational homes (and thus spread the virus more easily). I on the

other hand was somewhat jealous of this situation as I like the idea of living in extended family groupings. I

also regret that this is likely never to be reality for me, perhaps in another life.

This reminds me of an encounter, in the pre-COVID-19 pandemic world, at Costco. It was one of those

days, rare now I am happy to say, when I wanted ice cream from the food court. We got our cups of ice

cream and scanned the area for a place to sit. There were no empty tables and as we walked through the

area, I heard a woman call me over. She asked her grandsons to stand up and she insisted that my

husband and I take the two chairs which were now vacated. I thanked her and we sat. Her colorful salwar

kameez and color of her skin signified her Indian heritage. As we chatted about the coming of fall and

general news of happenings in our city, along came another grandchild, her husband, and her daughter. I

said we could leave the table but again she said no that was not necessary. Almost apologetically, she said

that her husband, her daughter and husband and their three children all lived in the same house but the

slight smile on her face told me another story. I expressed my envy and told her about how I had learned

how my family in Ukraine also lived in multigenerational homes and that I wished I lived this way. She

responded by telling me how wonderful it was even though they did occasionally encounter censure from

neighbours and others. I could see the strong bond between her and her grandchildren and again sighed.

Pause for thought.

Tale of two cities

Had a look at the differences in the various areas across our province. One would expect that the two major

cities, each of about 1.4M people would have similar rates of infection and deaths. But this is not the

situation; Calgary has 67% of the cases while Edmonton has only 9% of the cases. The south zone has

19% and they only have just over 280,000 people in the zone. The discrepancies across the province made

me wonder if maybe more people were being tested in Calgary and yes slightly more (4.6%) of the

population of Calgary has been tested compared to Edmonton (3.3%). I looked at another factor that was

the proportion of people who were tested were found to have a positive COVID-19 diagnosis. Calgary had

5.83% of people test as positive; the South had 8.69% test as positive while Edmonton only had 1.18% test

positive.

The differences probably result from the major outbreaks that have occurred in the Calgary and South

zones. These outbreaks in continuing care centres (29 centres) in Calgary and in the meat, packing plants

in the south and bordering on the Calgary zone. But why the outbreaks? Edmonton has had one outbreak

in a continuing care centre, not 29. The care center, where I have volunteered pre-pandemic, has not had

one case of COVID-19. I am so proud of their diligence and care for the residents that I know and love.

Saturday, May 2nd, 2020

Another coffee get-together in the park. I love this way of meeting with friends for a visit and chat. We had

another beautiful day sitting in our comfy camp chairs and shooting the breeze was uplifting. It is refreshing

to find commonalities in thinking and just as refreshing to debate different opinions and thinking. Talk

centred around our new COVID-19 pandemic world, self-isolating, eating at home, following the news about

possible vaccines for the coronavirus and treatments for COVID-19. What else is there to talk about?

We talked about our province’s “relaunch” strategy which is solely aimed at opening the economy and not

at all focussed on people. One friend wisely stated that opening up some businesses that have closed or

drastically reduced their level of activity is not going to solve the economic problems of the province or the

country. The COVID-19 pandemic has resulted in economic problems world-wide, and these will not be

easily solved by simply reopening businesses. A funny thing is that our Premier was all excited when he

was announcing that golf courses would be open on the weekend. That should result in a big boost for the

economy, haha!

We all agreed that if they go ahead with opening up the restaurants, at 50% capacity or not, none of us are

interested in going to one to eat. It just doesn’t seem safe to do so this early in the progression of the

pandemic. My daughter who has worked for many years in restaurants reaffirmed our instinctive fear of

going to eateries by pointing out that even at 50% capacity restaurants will not be able to keep the tables,

chairs, countertops...all the fomites...clean of the virus. One only has to look at where there have been

outbreaks to realize why we have been asked to stay home and only with those people we normally live

with and not gather in groups.

Great Realization

My sister sent me a link to a videoed storytelling session between a father and his young children, post

pandemic. It was fabulous! Called the Great Realization it speaks to the changes that have resulted from

the pandemic. He talks about the waste and the excessive growth, the inequity and the pollution of our pre

COVID-19 pandemic world and introduces the notion that 2020 the year is why hindsight is called 2020. It

is a tear-jerker if you are longing for a more sensible world to live in. Hopeful!!

https://youtu.be/Nw5KQMXDiM4

Leisure at home

A sunny sit in the backyard accompanied with a glass of blush wine to celebrate just being here together.

We had another very wonderful dinner for our Saturday night and a bottle of red wine to top it off. I even

upped my wardrobe from the regular everyday wear.

Sunday, May 3rd, 2020

Having been locked out of the free 21-day meditation that I was doing for the second time gave me the

incentive to set up my own version of meditation. I put together a playlist of soft music and now will do my

own thing. I started with 20 minutes today and will try to increase it as the days go by. This practice has

been instrumental in my ability to get to a calmer state of mind and enjoy the here and now. That is not to

say that I do not have my moments of angst and sadness, I do.

I am now on my 39th day of daily yoga practice and 39th day of meditation. This is an accomplishment for

me. 39 days of regular practice and 48 days of self-isolation/sheltering in place.

“Finding the courage to change” “Hope tells me anything can be transformed” “My awareness is aligned

with the transformative power of the universe” All good things to try to believe especially in the COVID- 19

pandemic world.

Balancing act

Another Sunday and more Skype sessions with the girls. I enjoy these but inevitably I become incredibly

anxious, as does my husband. It makes the separation so real. I love talking with the girls and of course my

granddaughter but at the same time find it much too upsetting. Knowing that we will have limited

opportunities to be in the same physical space for some time to come is unbearable.

I worry that even though the “opening up”, the “post-pandemic” world seems to be creeping up on the

world, things will not be the same. Getting on a plane to fly anywhere will be a challenge and this makes my

separation from my girls so very tangible. Options of driving between cities is still there but even that will be

a challenge for some time to come. It is so disheartening.

Monday, May 4th, 2020

Back to basics

Even though it is raining after many days of sunny warm, my focus today is on my garden. I had an idea to

lay straw on my veggie garden for the walking paths but also for vegetables like cucumbers, zucchini, and

other squashes. Found a farmer that is selling bales of straw, not hay but straw. I did learn that hay has

seeds in it while straw does not, therefore better for the garden.

A short drive south of the city and down a very muddy country road to find John at his farm. Walking into

the barn brought back memories of childhood, the pleasant smell of straw and probably hay. Two bales and

we are off home. We notice that the main highway between Edmonton and Calgary is busier than we would

have expected and with cars and not trucks transporting goods. We will wait until tomorrow to see how

much of the straw we brought home we will use.

Outbreaks and major corporations

Today, I have stopped watching the daily COVID-19 updates from our Chief Medical Officer of Health. In

the past I have found her to be reassuring and authentic but no more. The Cargill meat packing plant

outbreak has made me lose my trust in our public health expert. I suspect she has been cajoled into

listening to the government which is mean spirited and not too interested in people and especially non -

white foreign workers, some of them classified as temporary. It is clear to me that the handling of the

outbreak in this and in other meat packing plants has been handled poorly by the government. The financial

health of the company, a US company no less, has been given priority over the health of the workers.

Close to 1,000 or half of the workers contracted the virus and there was no pressure put on the company to

close the plant. The Cargill plant closed for 2 weeks but only because the workers were either too sick to be

at work or too afraid to go to work. They would not fill a shift of workers, so they shut down for “operational

issues”. This situation has made me angry and upset. Paradoxically, this outbreak has a silver lining and

that it has highlighted how poorly workers in plants such as this are treated in general, not just in the middle

of a pandemic.

I wrote a letter to our Premier voicing my concerns about this. See below:

Premier Jason Kenney Legislature Office

307 Legislature Building 10800 - 97 Avenue NW Edmonton, AB

Canada T5K 2B6

Dear Premier Kenney,

Re Handling of Cargill and JBS COVID-19 Outbreaks

May 5, 2020

I am writing to you today to voice my concerns about how your government has handled the COVID-19

outbreaks at the Cargill and JBS meat packing plants in High River and Brooks, Alberta, respectively. That

you and your government did not step in to require the closure of these plants at any time during the

progression of the outbreak is in my opinion morally wrong. That so many individual workers and

subsequently their family and community members contracted the coronavirus and have now suffered or

died from the ravages of COVID-19 is unacceptable. I understand that these companies believed that they

were providing safe workplaces for their workers however after the identification of the first batch of cases it

was clear that they were failing. That they continued to believe their stories in spewing their carefully

crafted press releases and were willing to risk the lives of their workers in favour of profit is unconscionable.

That you did not step in to require the closures makes you complicit in this outrageous act of callousness.

This lack of action makes it clear that these Albertans are not worthy of your support during this

unprecedented time.

The trajectory of this Alberta tragedy is well known, through media coverage, to all people in Alberta,

Canada and around the world. I believe that most of these people would share my horror at how this

outbreak was allowed to get so out of control. I believe that the Cargill outbreak is now classified as the

“largest single site outbreak in North America”, what a wonderful feather in Alberta’s cap!

I struggle to find and understand the reasoning behind allowing the financial welfare of US based

corporations to take precedence over the lives of Albertans or to believe that the need for Canadians to

have ready access to beef or “protein”, as you noted in one of your statements about the outbreak, is more

important than the health and lives of the workers and their families in these meat packing plants. From a

distance this is obviously flawed thinking, an embarrassingly cruel premise.

I have watched the updates by our highly respected Dr. Deena Hinshaw throughout the COVID-19

pandemic and have been impressed with her ability to present information and direction in a clear and

comforting manner. Disappointingly, over the course of this coverage, I feel her wisdom and direction has

been compromised by priorities that are not consistent with the critical public health direction we so

desperately need during this pandemic. My suspicions are that her hands have been tied by the economic

priorities that are the principal concerns of your Emergency Cabinet Committee and that these have

pushed prudent public health decisions away. I cannot believe that a health professional as seasoned,

experienced, and caring as Dr. Hinshaw would not have seen the folly of continuing to operate these plants

once the infection rates began to soar.

Listening and adhering to public health experts and their advice should be paramount in the midst o f a

pandemic and I have totally lost confidence that this is happening in Alberta. I believe that you and your

government’s speaking points about respect for public health and the health of Albertans are nothing but

empty rhetoric.

The handling of this outbreak also highlights a related concern, that of how workers and the unions who

represent them are treated in this province. The health and safety of these meat packing plant workers

have been placed beneath that of the potential financial gains of the corporations that own these plants.

The reduction of “red tape” and safety hurdles for businesses and corporations by your government tip the

balance of protection towards those corporations and away from the workers that make these corporations

rich. That much is clear. What is also clear is that the voice of the workers, the unions, do not appear to be

listened to. Workers who were getting sick with COVID-19 as early as late March expressed concerns to

their union stewards, but the union’s concerns were not heard. Only when the workers themselves no

longer felt safe to report to work did the Cargill plant have a temporary closure “for operational issues”.

Even at this point they were not willing to acknowledge that the workplace had compromised the health of

their workers. Now the plant has reopened even though a recent poll indicated that 85% of workers were

afraid to return to work. No carefully manufactured statement of the company can convince me that the

health of these workers matters to the company or your government.

Finally, I am appalled by the insinuations by your government via Dr. Hinshaw that the spread of the virus

among workers at Cargill was due to the circumstances that many of these workers, Filipinos for example,

who carpool to get to work and live-in multigenerational homes. The virus was spread first in the workplace

and then unfortunately to their family members at home not the other way around. Reports of Filipino

residents of High River not being admitted to banks and grocery stores in their own community should not

be something we hear or see in a country like Canada that values its diversity and respects the

hardworking immigrants and new Canadians that often take up difficult jobs where many others will not.

Workers at both plants come from all over the world and come to Canada because of their belief that this

country is safe, friendly, and accepting of differences. Many of these people have lived in Canada for many

years and are now Canadian citizens and should be treated as such. In the case of the outbreaks in High

River and Brooks these individuals have been sorely disappointed and perhaps sorry they chose to live and

work in Alberta.

I know that at this time your focus is on “relaunching” the province and getting the economy going again. I

would state that this focus is ill timed and insulting to the large group of people in southern Alberta (High

River and Brooks specifically) who are in the middle of the chaos of the COVID-19 pandemic and not

anywhere near to returning to “normal”. Call it a “hot spot” if you wish but I like to call it the “Kenney protein

disaster” that will be remembered in the history books for generations to come. Perhaps my great

grandchildren will look upon this time and ask “Why were the pandemic restrictions lifted when so many

people were still getting sick? Didn’t the people in charge care about the people who were sick? Not a

legacy I would want but a legacy, nonetheless. Well done.

A genuinely concerned citizen,

Cc: UCP Caucus and all UCP MLAs; NDP Caucus and all NDP MLAs

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau; Deputy Prime Minister Chrystia Freeland; Honourable Patty Hajdu, Minister

of Health MP Heather McPherson, NDP

CMOH Dr. Deena Hinshaw, Alberta

Relief from the anger

Made the kitty cat, spending a little time in my sewing area creating something for my granddaughter or

making more masks removes me from the COVID-19 pandemic world that we are bombarded with.

I love creating these stuffed toys for my granddaughter and I know she loves receiving them. I imagine her

taking her “stuffies” out of the bin, one by one, and building a pile of them on top of either her mother or

father until all you see are the stuffies. Or better still her sitting there and being surrounded by all of them.

I think she will like her kitty cat.

Tuesday, May 5th, 2020

Today is the 50th day that we have been “self-isolating” and other than being separated from family, and

more so those who live in another city, I am okay with this new way of being. My meditation and yoga

practice are standard but not routine enough to float under my radar. I am aware of the importance of the

practice and value the calm that it brings me.

I am less calm about some of the decisions being made by our right-wing conservative provincial

government. It is not only the decisions but their turning a blind eye on things that I believe require much

attention. I am still reeling at the lack of responsible action on the outbreaks in the meat packing plants in

the province. It came to my attention today that 58% of COVID-19 cases in Alberta are related to the two

meat packing plant outbreaks. This means that three thousand, four hundred and seventeen people have

contracted the virus from their workplace or from someone who got it through work (3,417). I find this

unacceptable.

I understand that the virus is very contagious and that before we have a vaccine or treatment for the virus,

many people will become infected. But I also understand that the reason why we have banned large

gatherings or even gatherings of more than 15 people (in my province) was because of the quick spread of

the virus in these groups. Therefore, I question why we allow workplaces that cannot limit physical distance

and or provide proper PPEs to continue to function. Not to belabour a point, this draws my attention to the

fact that we value the health of the corporation above the worker. Also, it becomes clear that corporations

who rely on foreign, temporary or other, workers are essentially slave owners. These workers are held

hostage by the employer through the threats of losing their jobs and of being deported if they do not adhere

to the company’s demands. In the case of the Cargill Plant this meant going to work even if the worker was

ill or if they were afraid of becoming ill. This is not the way to treat employees. Somehow, we have become

able to look past the humanity of the worker to satisfy the shareholders or owners of the corporations. And

these corporations in turn are able to look beyond the harm that their products cause either in the

manufacturing process or in the finished product.

I recall hearing an account from a friend about her brother who was top executive of a large tobacco

company and thus a very wealthy man. He lived in a massive expensive house with his wife and three

children. He refused to listen to the research that was so pervasive at the time, making it clear that tobacco

was harmful, causing cancer among other things. He defended his industry and the value of his company at

all costs. Funny inconsistency, he was aggressively adamant that none of his children start smoking. He

forbade it and held it over their heads and their access to his money and his love. Yet somehow it was okay

to have other people smoke his tobacco. Bizarre!

I have been taken with the images of the coronavirus, it looks so interesting and even a little pretty with its

tiny clusters of red blobs and yellow dots splattered around the spherical base. This little thing is miniscule.

According to an article in the Journal of the American Medical Association, these droplets (virus)can be

very small — “as small and invisible as the micron size to the ones that you can see that are on the order of

the millimeter” A human hair is 60 to 120 microns thick.

The invisible invader indeed.

Physical distancing & other messaging

Given this invisible menace, how are we to protect ourselves? The government messaging recommends

“physical distancing”, originally referred to as “social distancing”.

The messages are fairly consistent across various levels of government: keep 2 metres apart from others

(except for those that you live with); wash your hands often and with soap and for 20 seconds.

The one on the right is from Alberta and the following two are from the Government of Canada.

Wednesday, May 6th, 2020

Walk to local post office to send a parcel to my granddaughter. I love making stuffed toys and other things

for her and this time I am sending a small, crocheted blanket for her stuffed animals, a drawing made by

her grandfather, “Pa”, a blow-up punching bag of sorts and the stuffed kitty cat that I made on Monday. She

loves cats so she will probably like this one. I will delay my gratification which is to know that she has the

parcel in hand and to see how she responds to the gifts.

We also venture into the grocery store to pick up a few things. Again, very few people wearing masks, I

wear mine. There appears to be considerable debate about the efficacy of wearing masks in both

preventing the transmission of the virus to others and preventing receiving the virus. I have considered the

literature and have decided that I want to wear a mask when I am around other people and in a closed

space. Walking on the streets and in the river valley I am not as concerned but, in a grocery or other store I

want my mask.

I have also read that for this type of protection homemade cloth masks are sufficient (or as sufficient as

they can be). I decide to make more masks so we can always have a mask handy and wash them

regularly. I try not to think too much about the capability of the virus penetrating my mask and instead get

some comfort knowing that even if the virus was to infiltrate the mask, maybe only a few little viruses would

come through? Nevertheless, what is important is that the mask is a form of protection and one that I am

willing to use.

Thursday, May 7th, 2020

Today we decided to venture out to the Costco liquor store to stock up on our wine and spirits. It is a place

where we know we can buy decent and good wine and do it quickly. When we arrived at the Costco store,

we were surprised to see the massive parking lot jam packed. It reminded me that we are possibly not

typical in our hesitancy to venture out to shop, even if it is for essentials...wine is essential, isn’t it?

We donned our gloves and masks and headed to the Liquor store entrance. I noticed that most people in

the parking lot were not wearing masks or gloves. As we approached the store, I noticed a couple pushing

their loaded cart towards me. They stopped to grab another person and hug her. There was no physical

distancing here! While waiting to be granted entrance into the store by the security person I marvelled at

these people and others I saw acting as if there was no COVID-19 pandemic happening. It made me

uneasy but then I remembered that the city I live in has an extremely low infection rate. Still, I was puzzled

by the behaviour which a month and a half ago would have appeared normal and now was anything but

normal from my perspective. In the store itself, things appeared more pandemic safe: only a few people

were allowed in at a time; all the staff were wearing masks; other people in the store were careful to

practice safe physical distancing. I got a compliment from someone on my mask. We got our wine (2

cases) and went on our way home. I was ready for a drink.

Relaunch madness

I believe that what we witnessed at Costco was a small sample of the behaviour that I believe will escalate

as the “relaunch” strategy of our province is rolled out. Because we have had so few cases (~500) in our

city of 1.4 M many people are not aware of any one person who is sick with the virus, so they wonder what

all the fuss is about.

Thus far the opening up of previously shuttered businesses and activities has been limited to golf courses

and a few provincial parks yet I get the sense that many people think we are now past the pandemic, and

all is back to normal. I do not feel that way!

On around May 14th our government is planning to launch phase 1 of the relaunch which means that retail

businesses such as clothing, furniture and bookstores; some personal services, such as hairstyling and

barber shops; museums and art galleries can be open. More scheduled surgeries and dental procedures

will be allowed, and day-cares and summer camps will be allowed to operate with limits on occupancy.

Cafes and restaurants to reopen for public seating at 50 per cent capacity.

All of this opening must be done within the following conditions:

Alberta Conditions for relaunch to ensure a safer reopening, the following elements must be in place for the

first stage of relaunch:

• enhance our nation-leading testing capacity at the highest level in Canada

• robust & comprehensive contact tracing, aided by technology, to quickly notify people who may

have been exposed

• support for people who test positive to enable effective isolation and contain spread

• stronger international border controls and airport screening, especially for international travellers

• rules and guidance for the use of masks in crowded spaces, like mass transit

• strong protections for the most vulnerable, including those in long-term care, continuing care and

seniors’ lodges

• a rapid response plan in the event of possible outbreaks of COVID-19

Super vague and not clearly defined. Something for government to try to hide behind, and not

deliver.

It is all very confusing and TOO MUCH TOO EARLY from my perspective. I wish we could be a bit more

patient and cautious and let the virus ease off a bit more before pretending it is no longer a threat.

I have heard from many friends and family that they are not ready to use these businesses. Many

businesses are worried about their ability to provide a safe space. And some restaurants have stated that

at 50% capacity they will not be able to afford to be open. It will be interesting to see how things unfold.

More stuffed animals

My need to keep myself busy and do something concrete had me thinking about the next stuffed animal I

could make for my granddaughter. I found a pattern on Pinterest. I usually get an idea in my head or see a

picture and make the pattern on my own or go without one but this time I went with the pattern. This was for

a whale!

I found an old pair of blue jeans I had in my stash and an old shirt of my father’s, and I went to it. I was so

happy with how it turned out! I love my whale and maybe it will remain mine?

Friday, May 8th, 2020

Woke up earlier than usual and started my day in the usual way, meditation, yoga and a little Pilates and

then my cup of tea. This morning the news that I read as I was having my tea made me feel like my brain

was about to explode. Too much going on and my sense that so much in the wrong direction. A thirteen -

page letter plus attachments by the Canadian Petroleum Producers to the Federal Government asking for

relaxation of all regulations and requirements of the oil and gas industry because of the COVID-19

pandemic. It infuriated me!

But then I read an article by Sandra Woodren of the Tyee: https://thetyee.ca/Culture/2020/05/08/The-

World-Is-A-Burning-Ring-of-Liars/?utm_source=daily&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=080520

It was great and made me laugh and cry. I love her writing!

Birthday Prep

Tomorrow is my husband’s birthday, and we will meet up with our friends at the park for our regular coffee

and chat. He loves apple pie and I have often made him an apple pie for his birthday instead of a cake.

This time I will attempt to make apple hand pies to take tomorrow. They turn out great!

Another birthday and another time to reflect on the fact that neither of us is getting any younger. In the

COVID-19 pandemic there has been so much chatter about vulnerable people, those over 65 years of age.

Both of us are there and now my husband has turned 72. This reminds me of an early day in our present

world when a theatre we frequent stated that they would no longer be admitting people who were over 60

years of age all in the name of safety for these vulnerable people. This hit me like a ton of bricks. This virus

thing was real!

Saturday, May 9th, 2020

Early morning meditation and yoga practice and I am set for a morning in the park with friends. This will be

our third week meeting in the park for our conversation, coffee and camaraderie. It is our turn to bring the

treats and I have brought the apple hand pies that I made yesterday for my husband’s birthday. It is a

cooler day and there are lots of big fluffy clouds in the sky, but we all arrive layered up and ready to sit and

shoot the breeze. The conversation slowly slithers along until the pies have been devoured and then it

begins. We always have much to talk about. Today we talk a little more about the “relaunching” of the

economy and our thoughts about wanting to remain vigilant even as activity picks up around us. Yes, we

have done well with managing the virus spread in our city and close surrounds, but we all know that the

spread has not run its course, not yet. All 6 of us are lucky in one way as we can spend our time at home

and not venture out too often. My husband and I don our gloves and masks when we do go out in public.

As we celebrate my husband’s 72nd birthday, we are again reminded that we are all at an age where the

virus might bring with it a surprise attack on our immune system. That we are active and generally healthy

gives us a better chance of a mild case if we do contract it, but it is a bit of a crap shoot in how things might

unfold.

All of a sudden one friend reaches behind himself and pulls a cooler out of the back of his car. It appears

that we are going to a have a champagne toast for the birthday boy. It is prosecco, not champagne, but

complete with glass flutes, this is a treat! Maybe in this COVID-19 pandemic world this treat is that even

much more. What a wonderful morning for my husband and all of us.

Other birthday surprises

The afternoon works out perfectly! An errand disguises my need to stop at our local pub for a “curb side

pickup” of my birthday surprise for my husband. We have a couple of great pubs in our neighbourhood one

that specializes in presenting local musicians and another that brews great beer and has amazing food. I

have been wondering how these establishments have been faring in our COVID-19 pandemic world and

hope that they can survive in some shape and form.

Luckily, the brew pub has managed during this time, and I pick up a “Biera Box” and a six pack of growlers

as my gift. The “Biera Box” is fabulous; it includes a 750ml bottle of a special aged beer, a loaf of

sourdough bread (made in house); two cheeses and four condiments like onion jam, rhubarb jelly,

blackberry chutney and whole grain mustard.

Sharing this food and drink rounds out our day and almost make us forget that this time would also have

been shared with other friends and family. Maybe next year?

Zoom, zoom

Of course, we have arranged a zoom session with our kids, an opportunity to share a toast to their dad, to

acknowledge Mother’s Day and to catchup with each other. Once again it is all good for what it is, but I

must confess I am finding these sessions a bit tiresome and not enough for me. Like my granddaughter

attempting to push her foot into the computer screen to reach us I am feeling the lack of physical

relationship, being in the same room. I am okay with announcing that for me this form of communication,

that has now become customary, only stems the bleeding of our torn connections, and does nothing to heal

the wounds.

Drinks and snacks fill our day and evening. It is so easy to get pulled into these habits in this time we are in.

I try to be sensible but...

Sunday, May 10th, 2020

The COVID-19 cases reached 4 M worldwide

Personal case connection

We learned today through my sister-in-law that my husband’s cousin who lives in southern England, in the

village of Twyford has tested positive for COVID-19. Andrew, who is now 73 years of age, has had

successive issues with clots in his legs, he is diabetic, he was a lifelong smoker up until a couple of years

ago and is considerably overweight. He developed a lesion on his leg earlier this year and after

unsuccessful outpatient treatment he was admitted to hospital for surgery. This event was complicated by

the fact that his wife, Lily has dementia and cannot be alone. Andrew managed to find a caregiver to stay

with her while he was in hospital. Unfortunately, while Andrew was in hospital, he contracted COVID-19.

Now we will wait and see whether he will weather this storm. The last we heard was that he was on oxygen

and not in ICU. It is difficult to get updates as visitors are not allowed, Lily cannot communicate with him

and his brother-in-law, his main contact, is elderly and not well himself. I will continue to pray for his

recovery so that he can go home and so Lily who is physically well will not be left alone to live out her

remaining years in total confusion. We last visited them several years ago and at that time Andrew had to

do everything for Lily, including remember who she was. It was sad to see and now my heart aches for both

of them.

I find it fascinating that Andrew is the very first person we are aware of who has COVID-19, will it stay that

way?

Ravine recovery

Today we decide to meet our son and go for a walk in the ravine near his home. We agree to take the risk

of being together and I sneak a hug. There has been talk about expanding our exposure to others we know,

keeping this group small and following safety rules wherever possible. I like the term “bubble” to describe

this small group and I am happy to have my son in my bubble. The walk in the ravine is a perfect way to

spend this Mother’s Day.

Monday, May 11th, 2020

As of today, there are around 69,007 cases of COVID-19 reported in Canada and 4,992 deaths. In Alberta

we have 6,253, cases and 117 deaths

Worldwide the case count reached 4,239,167 with around 286,267 deaths.

I am not sure that the general public are being told the whole story. In Canada and around the world

countries are opening up after either a full lockdown or a partial, as in Alberta. What we are not being

clearly told is that the reason we are opening up is not because we have this coronavirus beat but because

governments and economists are anxious to have it over with and getting back to business. Another story

we are not being told is that we are opening up because there is an underlying understanding that the virus

is here to stay and therefore, we need to ignore it and get on with things and take the risks which will mean

more people will be exposed and the attitude is “who cares, as long I am safe”. I do not share this attitude.

I am not sure the average person knows the true situation, that is the coronavirus is still actively present in

our world and we are all at risk of infection. Just because our hairdresser and barber shops are open

doesn’t mean we can stop physical distancing (if my hairdresser can stand right beside me why can’t I do

the same with other people?) or washing our hands and avoiding crowds. But is this clear? I do not think

so. We are becoming complacent and there will be spikes in infection as a result.

If I look at my city, I see that we have around 51 active cases and in a city of over a million people this is

miniscule. And where are these people, some have been active cases since March and thus I would

suspect they are in hospital, or they have been forgotten about and thus not counted as recovered. The

small number is cause for relief on one hand but not a reason to let the doors fly open and throw caution to

the wind.

I am further troubled by the inconsistent messages we are getting: cases are flattening (except for the new

cases in the two major regions in our province) therefore we can open; we have the capacity in our

hospitals therefore we are able to let more people get sick; and the masks for the people of the province

will be distributed next month? Why distribute the masks when you have relayed that we have essentially

dealt with the virus? I am so confused.

Then there are the plans that are being made for moving forward like airlines redesigning airplane seating;

transit systems looking at redesign. How do these fit into the “we have this beat” model of thinking?

Because we have not beaten the virus. This takes me back to what I view as attempts by governments to

keep the citizenry in the dark.

I end my day in a panic about our need to hunker down because of the inevitable second wave. We have

seen this repeatedly where the restrictions have lightened up. Oh hell, I am going to bed.

Tuesday, May 12th, 2020

Another day and work in the garden. I love that the perennials that we planted last year, and the previous

year are peaking out of the ground. My sister pops over to pick up some of the straw we have leftover and

to give us some of her homemade pyrohy (perogies), great exchange!

I am of course irritated by the change in our government’s website that now has highlighted the Relaunch

of the Economy and Alberta Business information and stuck the information on the COVID-19 pandemic

further down in the site. We are moving too fast!

Loss of a Solid Community Member

I was saddened to see that the Army and Navy, a signature store in our city had boarded up its storefront

when it closed as part of the COVID-19 pandemic restrictions. It looks so solemn and sad. We have

shopped at this store, this location as well as the one that was downtown for many years. I have fond

memories of the downtown store as two doors down from it was my aunt and Uncle’s Drug Store:

Armstrong Drugs. As kids we would go to their store and then there would always be a trip to the Army and

Navy for whatever. It was a full-service general store, and we bought many a thing there. When I got

married and moved to the south side of the city we would shop at that location (as in picture). And when we

lived in Vancouver, we would shop at that store location.

Now we have had more sadness as after 101 years do service to the community, all five Army and Navy

stores that were still open have closed the doors permanently. These stores will be missed by many,

especially people who had minimal incomes as they could shop for good quality goods at decent prices. I

found the photo of the grand re-opening in Edmonton in 1968. THE STORE WILL BE MISSED!

Wednesday, May 13th, 2020

Shop up

Today was another Costco shop-up. We arrived about 15 minutes before the store was to open and were

happy to see that the line was not as long as our last visit. We put on our gloves and masks and headed for

the line-up. I noticed that this time there were more people wearing masks. Last time which was about 3

weeks previously about 1/3rd of people were wearing masks, this time there were more like about 2/3rds.

As we waited to enter the store, I realized that not only were more people wearing masks, my attitude and

feelings about wearing a mask had changed. Three weeks ago, I felt somewhat conspicuous with my mask

on whereas today I felt more relaxed about having the mask on. I recalled that on the previous visit I had

seen a couple who we were acquainted with many years ago far behind us in line and normally I would

have tried to say hi to them. But I had not, I was shy about wearing a mask and this was further enhanced

because they were not wearing masks. I believe that today if I had seen them, I would have said hello

regardless of whether they were wearing a mask. Once we got in the store, I felt more comfortable seeing

that all staff were wearing masks and so many customers were as well.

The cashier commented on our masks, my second compliment of my masks, small thrill in these trying

times. She also spoke to us about how worried she was about the province’s move to reopen things. She

noted that she felt that money and the economy was being used to justify a poor public health decision.

She also commented on how stupid she thought Trump was, saying she could not believe that someone so

ignorant and crass could be voted in as a president. She worried that our premier was trying a little too hard

to emulate him. Very astute woman.

Relaunch

I forced myself to listen to our Premier spout about the relaunch of the economy in what was meant to be

the daily COVID-19 update. Again, I am frustrated by the lack of coherence in their plans to relaunch and

the hurried nature of the decision. Interestingly enough he did announce that the city of Calgary and town of

Brooks would have to wait another 10 days before all their amenities could be opened and explained that

this was because of the number of cases in these areas. When asked why he “was picking on” these two

places, he noted that except for these two places there were only 90 active cases in the province while

Calgary and Brooks together had over 900 cases. This is a significant difference and thus the reason to

have the staggered approach. I am sure our public health experts had to work hard to get the government

to agree to this decision as the voter base for the party lies in the Calgary and rural areas of the province

and normally, they are favoured, in subtle and maybe not so subtle ways.

Back to Climate

Tonight, I participated in a virtual community climate workshop put on by the Edmonton Federation of

Community Leagues. It was great to return to discussions about the positive ways that community leagues

have been engaged in moving our city forward in their climate action plans. Nice to be thinking about

getting back into these discussions.

Thursday, May 14th, 2020

Message of the day: WASH YOUR HANDS!!! 6-10 TIMES/DAY DEPENDING ON ACTIVITIES

Getting by

Today it is day 50 for my yoga and meditation practice. That I have continued this practice is of benefit to

me in many ways.

Friends come by to pick up straw and drop off cucumber plants in exchange. We decide that since things

are reopening, we can choose to take the risk of sharing space, 2 metres apart of course, to have a

morning coffee and a chat.

Waves of sadness wash over me today for no apparent reason other than the obvious COVID-19 pandemic

world we are in and ignoring so nicely for the sake of the economy. We do a curb side pick-up of tomato

plants and have a chance meeting with our friend who owns the greenhouse. We do not hug; we stand

more than 2 metres apart and talk about how we are coping with the new world. She shares that she has

not seen or been with her two grandsons for almost 2 months now and although she sees them via Zoom,

she is struggling without having physical contact. I tell her how our granddaughter consistently tries to put

her foot into the computer screen to get the physical contact with us that she is obviously seeking. We

agree that “this too shall pass” but also agree that we are not liking much of this.

At home we make the pyrohy that my sister gave us, and I make a mushroom onion sauce. It is delicious!

Halfway through my second mouthful, I am in tears; not gentle teardrops running down my cheeks, no I am

sobbing! A part of me is in just as much dismay as my husband who is sitting beside me, but I know this

has been brought on by the deep-rooted connection between eating this type of meal and being with family,

all of my family! The intermingling tastes of the mushrooms, the onion and the dough of the pyrohy should

be accompanied by the voices of my children, my sisters and long ago my B. My heart feels like it is

breaking not having any of these people near me, they are so important to my wellbeing. I try to smother

my sadness and continue on to finish my meal that is so much more than food.

Interestingly, my reflux acts up and badly. My attention goes to the physical sensations of the pain, but I

know this is more than physical and “this too shall pass’. I feel a strong urge to talk to my daughter, I need

the comfort of her reassurance and to feel our connection, flawed as it is by our geographical distance.

Proud of my city

I learn today that our City Council has approved an initiative to innovate and to diversify the economy post

COVID-19. Our mayor stated that in a post-COVID 19 world innovation and diversification will be essential

to building a more resilient economy. The Council supported the move to diversify the economy, so the city

and surrounding municipalities don't fall back on the oil and gas industry, given record low oil prices. As

noted by one of the council members: "I know this is a song that politicians have been singing — a sad

song we've been singing for generations in this province, but if we can make some significant contribution

to real diversification through this work, that would be a major win for my children, you know. I want them to

stay in Edmonton."

I am so proud of my City.

Friday, May 15, 2020

I have had a good sleep, albeit filled with COVID-19 pandemic world dreams. I even sleep a little longer

than usual, so I have had a good rest. I cannot settle into my meditation calm and struggle to sit for the 21

minutes I am accustomed to now. I complete my Pilates 100’s and Day 21 of my yoga series but all within

unsettled angst. This is taking my sense of sadness and hopelessness further than that which had surfaced

yesterday. Feelings of desperation are not new to me, they have followed me throughout my life, even as a

child. Questioning the way, we lived in the world creeped into and out of me at a very early age and

became a challenging way for me to live. People around me, parents, teachers and others, never

welcomed my concerns and I learned to keep my thoughts to myself and only bring them out of hiding

when once in a blue moon I would come across someone I felt I could trust to allow for some discussion

before once again burying things. Every so often my ability to keep a lid on things and see the world as

everyone else did would tear apart dropping me into a hole of despair that was difficult to get out of.

Our COVID-19 pandemic world has today sent me into a deep hole. I am struggling with the impatience of

the world to get back to normal in an anything but normal situation. People seem willing to turn a blind eye

to what is happening in the world to the point of ignoring the power of the coronavirus. I realize that I have

been hoping for changes in our world that others are in opposition to. People still want to ignore the fact

that how we live is killing us and the planet and are willing to be at risk to preserve a way of life that I view

as destructive. I am not a fun person to be with today.

Not alone

I learned that the Alberta Federation of Labour are seriously concerned about the planned “relaunch” and

had communicated these concerns to the government prior to the “relaunch” date. However, the

government has not addressed the issues. Again, this is blatant disregard for the worker in favour of the

employer. The following quote from AFL president Gil McGowan sums it up:

“So far, Alberta’s response to the COVID-19 pandemic has been a story of success in the community, but a

failure in a growing number of workplaces. The government’s failure to be more proscriptive with employers

and more aggressive with enforcement has led to unnecessary outbreaks and, sadly, a number of

preventable deaths. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem that the government has learned from these mistakes.

Their guidance for employers on the subject of re-opening the economy is weak, vague and often unclear.

That’s why we’re calling for a one- month delay in the staged re-opening of our provincial economy. We

need to use that time to develop and implement enforceable measures that will keep working Albertans

safe as they return to their jobs. If we don’t do more to address the government’s blind spot-on workplace

health and safety, more people will get infected, more people will die, and we’ll increase the likelihood of a

second wave of infection that will necessitate a return to economically damaging and social demanding

lock-down measures. Let’s take the time we need to learn from our mistakes – and save lives and the

economy in the process.”

I also came across a news story that noted that the College of Registered Dental Hygienists of Alberta

(CRDHA) is not ready to have their hygienists start work on May 14th as reported by the government. They

note that they are preparing to have instructions regarding non-essential services ready for its members so

that hygienists can start working on non-essential procedures starting May 19. This is another example of

the poorly thought-out plan for reopening done by our government.

Snowbirds

My mood perked up a tiny bit this afternoon as I sat in a nearby park scanning the sky for the Canadian

Forces Snowbirds to fly by. The event is part of Operation Inspiration, a cross-country tour to salute

Canadians as they do their part to stop the spread of COVID-19. The nine red and white planes came out

of the clouds and flew by us. It made me tear-up to know that these pilots were going across our country to

do these fly-bys to inspire and thank Canadians for doing what they can to stay safe during our COVID-19

pandemic. (Sadly, the very next day, one of the Snowbird planes experienced some issue and crashed in

the city of Kamloops, B.C. The pilot survived with injuries but the passenger, the Snowbirds

Communications Director, died in the crash. So incredibly sad.)

Saturday. May 16th, 2020

Sharing

Another day in the park with our friends, it is warm out and so very wonderful to be outside sharing time

and conversation. I notice that the park is much busier today, people are venturing out now that we have

been given “permission” to meet up with others, while keeping physical distancing, hand washing and not

touching our faces rules alive. Our public health directives now allow for groups of 50 people to be able to

gather preferably in open spaces keeping physical distance between family groupings. This seems like a

big jump from 15 people and again the advice seems to skim over the guidance on more intimate

gatherings between close family members. For example, the ability for two families that know each other

and know their habits and their likelihood of carrying the virus are still discouraged from joining each other

within their homes yet we can go to a restaurant, a bar, or gather with 49 other people in an open area.

Maybe I just do not understand the directions nonetheless I find it very confusing.

I have a large extended family and when the entire family gets together, we can easily reach 50 people. I

have a sense of the space that this number of people can take. When I add in the physical distancing

requirement the amount of space needed balloons. In other words, we would need a large space to have all

of us gather and keep the family groupings remain 2 metres apart. So, my thinking is that the physical

distancing is going to be out the window quickly. Not sure if we are at the phase within this pandemic to

tolerate the consequences of these gatherings.

The other element in this roll-out or relaunch that is confusing is the notion that we are safe to go to a

restaurant and have always been able to take out food and fast-food establishments have been serving

food (if you want it call it food?) through their drive-through windows throughout the COVID-19 pandemic.

Yet we are still asked not to share food with friends and family. I trust the food prepared by my friends and

family much more than I do the food prepared in restaurants and definitely more than the slop rolled out of

drive-thru windows. I suspect this is founded in the false notion that there are cleanliness rules and safety

procedures built into the commercial preparation of food that are ignored or at least not tended to as it

should be in personal homes, but I do not believe this notion. Again, I trust the food coming from the homes

of my family and friends more than from restaurants.

Another kind of sharing

Niceties aside, my very gullible friend is up to his conspiracy theories once again. I am all in for some

conspiracy theories, theories that go against the current cultural context but have some foundation to them,

like that capitalist corporations rule governments. This goes against what we are supposed to believe, that

is that we have democracy and government representatives truly represent their constituents, haha!

No, this conspiracy that he is sharing today is that the coronavirus was made in a lab in China in 2007 and

brought out by a lab worker and that hydroxychloroquine is the drug to cure the virus. This all comes from

one scientist who has tons of credentials. Not sure I can believe this one. Yes, there were some issues with

identifying this coronavirus and China was slow in sharing information etc. but ...!

Later in the day we come across a neighbour who comments on the relaunch and states that the whole

lockdown thing (which we never truly had here in Alberta) was too extreme and not necessary. Again, I am

having difficulty with this. Not sure why so many governments would be okay with having their economies

go in the toilet for what purpose?

Positive prospect

My bewilderment rising from these conflicting opinions is immediately pushed aside by a conversation with

my cousin. She will go ahead with a careful, staged birthday gathering for my uncle who will be turning 99

years of age on May 23rd, 2020. Of course, he is already booked on his actual birthday date, he has been

invited to a block party, for him, being put on by his neighbours. His daughter will hold the party on Sunday.

Family are asked to drop by for a brief visit sometime between 2 PM and 4 PM and plan on staying for up

to one half hour. Bring your own food and drinks although “holupci” (cabbage rolls) will be provided as my

uncle says that “a party is not a party without holupci!”. I am looking forward to this get together and will do

my part to ensure that my uncle stays safe- no hugs, staying 2 metres away and not staying too long. Must

get busy writing our ode to uncle! He has been an inspiration to me for some time now.

Sunday, May 17th, 2020

I woke up at around 4 AM, I was wide awake. I tried all my tricks, but it was a no go. I got up and started

writing. Hopefully, it will make sense later in the day. I look at the rates of cases across Alberta and

download the full caseload data set for Alberta. I will play with it.

Our rates per 100,000 population illustrate how outliers impact the numbers. Our rates are as follows:

The Edmonton Zone includes several outlying towns, villages so the 518 cases include people from all

these areas. The City of Edmonton alone has had 369 cases and currently has 51 active cases. We have

had 11 deaths and 307 people who have recovered.

One of the suggested reasons for the high number of cases in the Calgary zone is that Calgary has an

international airport that serves more as a hub than the international airport in Edmonton. Speculation is

that as many cases are contracted from international travellers, Calgary has more confirmed cases.

However, this argument is flawed as it is known that of the 6587 cases in all of Alberta only 567 are related

to travel. Another 630 are of unknown origin and the remaining 5390 are community transmission. So there

goes the international travel claim. Maybe it is being sloppy?

I also looked at the number of outbreaks in the province. Once again, the number of outbreaks is extremely

skewed by the Calgary Zone. Edmonton zone has had two minor outbreaks; Central has had none and the

north has had 4 outbreaks. Calgary on the other hand has had outbreaks in 29 continuing care centres and

now has 15 reported outbreaks in warehouses, grocery stores, distribution centres including Canada Post.

Go figure.

Wanting to crawl into the computer screen

In the evening we Skype with my daughter, our son-in-law and our granddaughter. We talk about plans for

a potential visit in the summer and find that we have both independently decided that if that visit is possible

within the COVID-19 pandemic world restrictions that it would be preferable for them to drive than to fly. My

son-in-law states that he is not ready to be in an airplane and the rest of us concur. We all hope this visit

will come to pass.

We also talk about the trip they had planned for a visit with family in England in October. Although not

officially cancelled, all parties involved have come to accept that the world situation might prevent the visit

from happening. Being in an airplane for 9 hours is not appealing these days. I feel sad that this connection

for my granddaughter and her parents will likely not happen.

The geographical separation of people from their loved ones all across our world has changed in

significance given the difficulties related to travel that only a few months ago we took for granted and that

we considered to be no big deal. I think of my niece who lives in Thailand and the huge hole this leaves in

her parents’ hearts and hers alike. She reports that she is well and is coping but I suspect the geographical

separation feels much more real right now.

I know the grief that this separation can cause, and I am hanging onto the possibility of closing the gap as

we do not have to rely on air travel, at least not in the summer and fall. My thoughts about separation make

me want to crawl into the computer screen long before my granddaughter has made her usual move to do

so.

Monday, May 18th, 2020

It has been 2 months since I started on my self-isolation means of being. I feel comfortable with this way of

being other than dealing with the now forced and very real separation from my daughters and their families.

I have not gotten used to this situation and never will.

I met a friend while I was out on my walk, and she noted that up until now all has been well for her and her

son. She stated that she was not ready for the “relaunching” that the province was going ahead with. She

indicated that she felt she had finally got into the groove of her new routine, home-schooling her son and

working from home and now it will all change again. The time at home with her son has been special and

she would like it to continue. I hope more and more people will feel this way and compel a shift in that

direction as being part of our emerging world.

Different attitudes?

I was wondering more about the differences between Edmonton and Calgary in terms of infection rates and

number of outbreaks. In terms of the continuing care centres, I wondered if perhaps it was a private versus

public versus non-profit issue. In looking at the numbers and types of care centres I found some interesting

data: Edmonton Zone has 84 care centres, 42% of which are private and 43% are non-profit and the

remaining 15% are public. Calgary has 64 centres with 53% of them being private and the remaining split

between public and non-profit. I guess the larger proportion of private centres might explain the outbreaks

in Calgary but really, one outbreak versus 29 seems more puzzling.

I thought about the other differences between the cities and noted that for as long I can remember,

Edmonton has always been more social and liberal in how they vote. Presently all but one electoral riding in

Edmonton has a New Democratic Party Member of the Legislature while in Calgary it is the opposite, all but

2 or 3 ridings voted for the right-wing conservative government that is in place. On a federal level,

Edmonton has the only non-conservative Member of Parliament in all of Alberta and she is part of the

federal NDP which is the far-left party.

There has been press on how Sweden has handled the pandemic differently than most other countries and

talk about the possibility of using this model for other countries. Even the WHO is looking at their approach

and wondering whether it is transferable to other countries. The Swedish model has the appearance of

being less restrictive and it is, and yet it has not had catastrophic results (although their death rate is higher

than the other Scandinavian countries). There are individuals in countries like the US who think that the US

should adopt this less constricting approach, but I foresee a problem with this thinking. I believe the reason

that Sweden is getting away with not closing schools and restaurants etc. is because they have engrained

“social democratic” values and culture which from my perspective means that citizens act accordingly and

see their own role as individuals to be cognizant and considerate of others. With these values translated

into action there is an opportunity for the collective to do the right thing, in the case of the COVID-19

pandemic stay home when they are sick, keep up good physical hygiene and distancing and just be

respectful of others without being directed by law or public health edicts to do so. This puts the country in

contrast to other countries where these restrictions are necessary and even when in place do not

guarantee compliance.

To think that a country like the US could follow Sweden’s lead is ludicrous at best. Canada might have a

better chance but not enough to make me feel safe and that is why I am a bit afeared that the relaunching

of the economy could get us into trouble faster than we have imagined.

Having said that I speculate that the reason that Edmonton is so much different than Calgary in terms of

COVID-19 cases is that we in Edmonton are a lot more like the Swedish people than they are in Calgary.

Family visit

In the afternoon we drive out to my sister and brother-in-law’s home to pick up the plants for my gardens

that she had promised me. We are ready for a quick visit, but our plans are quickly altered when I notice

the plates of freshly baked blueberry scones sitting on the kitchen counter along with plates etc. After the

greetings we are asked do we want coffee or a drink. It is an easy decision; we go for the drink. We will

have a visit which we are happy about.

My sister and I go through the plants she has available and I select some poppies, grown from seeds from

my late parents’ garden, a couple cucumber plants, tomatillos, jalapeno peppers, tomatoes and sunflowers.

Nice assortment.

We go out on the deck for our visit and then my other sister and her husband arrive. This is the first time I

have seen them in person since March 1st. It is a beautiful sunny day, and we enjoy catching up with each

other. So wonderful to spend time together. It is good to hear that all my nieces and nephews have also

weathered the storm so well thus far. We pick the brain of my brother-in-law about our Chief Medical Officer

of Health whom he knows through work. It is reassuring to hear that he believes that she is sticking to her

public health principles despite the pressure she is getting from our Premier and his government to ease up

on those principles.

Missed opportunities

Thinking about how special it is to be able to spend in-person time with family I find myself in tears from the

weight of the realization that my son-in-law will probably not be able to do the same with his family in

England. I talk to him and my daughter to tell them how sad this makes me feel and send my sympathy for

their loss. I suggest that I have a sense of how his parents must feel, separated from their son, daughter-in-

law, and granddaughter. A geographic separation that is more difficult to bridge than the one that I face and

that I feel discouraged about.

This trip interruption reminds me of the time about 5 years ago when my husband and I had the chance to

meet my son-in-law’s family in England. My heart still aches when I think about how sad his nephew

seemed to be in being apart from his uncle. The fallout of our transient global world continues now and in a

much more dramatic way.

Tuesday, May 19th, 2020

Uncovering flaws

This morning during my meditation a thought flashed through my mind that I did not want to lose sight of

and that I quickly jotted down after finishing my session. That thought was that the COVID-19 pandemic is

uncovering a flaw with our “purported to be methodical, knowledgeable and precise” medical system, the

allopathic system in particular. Something that has emerged along with COVID-19 is that the medical/health

system is perhaps not as able to handle health/disease issues after all. The medical teams can do amazing

things within the “put them back together” mode that happens after a traumatic injury, but the system is less

able to truly deal with disease in the sense of curing disease and disorder. The focus is on symptom control

and management of chronic disease rather than restoring an individual back to full health.

The appearance of the coronavirus and the resulting COVID-19 disease brings to light the haphazard

nature of the treatment protocols in place to deal with disease, frankly any disease. I have read many an

article that has stated that the presentation of the coronavirus is not precise and is ever changing. In

addition, the treatment of people with a severe case of COVID-19 seems to be chaotic at best. The

prognosis of people infected by the virus is also unclear and new elements of the aftereffects are constantly

emerging, for example, hyperinflammatory disease and the need for oxygen on an ongoing basis after

recovery. Also, the long-term negative impact of the interventions that are tried, in efforts to treat the impact

of the virus on the body, like intubations and ventilators/respirators on the body are being brought into the

public eye. It is not a pretty picture.

These issues: uncertainty about how the virus (disease) is spread; inability to know how the virus will attack

the body and its systems; what treatments might work to eradicate the virus; who is safe from extreme

expression of the virus; what long term impacts can be expected; how long will the illness stay in body etc.

are made evident when a large group of people have the same infection albeit with variation in presentation

of symptoms. When one person, one case is dealt with by the medical system the same issues may come

up but because each case is examined separately the lack of coherence in addressing the issues is not as

evident and if brought to the attention of the medical team, may be dismissed as a particular anomaly of the

patient rather than as an inadequacy of the medical system. The fast and furious presentation of COVID-19

infected persons in the epicentres of the pandemic highlights some of the flaws with the disease

management system we call our health care system.

Of course, the medical system has developed complicated protocols for management of many diseases

like cardiovascular disease, diabetes, COPD and so on but the key is that they focus on management of

symptoms not resolution of the disease. That countless people who have developed diabetes can have

their symptoms managed such that they can lead a productive life is fabulous but what if there are ways to

prevent the disease in the first place.

COVID-19 differs from chronic conditions in its contagious nature and thus its threat to the entire

population. The treatment of severe cases relies on the system which typically focusses on stabilizing

trauma, undertaking standard surgeries and other procedures, and managing chronic diseases. Dealing

with the fast and furious presentation of a new disease like COVID-19 puts pressure on a system not

equipped to deal with novelty unless it is an occasional case presented one at a time. That many people

with this “novel” virus presented at once did not allow for development of treatment plans or protocols. The

most devastating examples of the fallout from this lack of preparedness was witnessed in areas like Italy

and New York City where the medical system was overwhelmed with serious cases and forced to make life

and death decisions that were not pleasant for anyone involved.

Interestingly, in chatting with friends and family I have found that most have come to the same conclusion

that my husband and I had in early days of the COVID-19 pandemic. We decided that if one of us should

have a severe case of COVID-19 where there was a recommendation for intubation or a ventilator we

would choose not to proceed. In other words, we would let nature takes its course and probably die.

Luckily COVID-19 presents as a mild respiratory disease for around 92% of infections. Most people recover

with little lasting side effects (or at least this is current theory). This is a good thing!

Remarkably, the measures that have been recommended and have probably been helpful in slowing and

possibly preventing the infection rate have been the hygiene measures that have historically had the

biggest impact on population health: washing hands thoroughly with soap and water; coughing or sneezing

into elbow; staying away from people who are sick and staying isolated when one is sick; keeping hydrated

with water and warm drinks like teas; moderate exercise, preferably outdoors; eating well; getting adequate

sleep and staying socially connected (technologically supported in our COVID-19 pandemic world). Back to

the basics to prevent the worst. Good advice and perhaps the only way to have a major positive impact on

population health.

Wednesday, May 20th, 2020

Today we have reached the milestone of 5M cases of COVID-19 and over 300,000 deaths worldwide. The

US has reached over 1.5M cases and nearly 90,000 deaths. Canada has had 81,313 cases and 6,152

deaths and Alberta has had 6,852 cases and 132 deaths.

The COVID-19 pandemic has us more focussed on basic hygiene and the principles of infection control and

it also brings death to the forefront. Every day we are now hearing death counts and in the case of the

Chief Public Health Officers I have listened to in Canada there is genuine remorse and sympathy for those

that have passed and for their families. This is different than the pre-COVID-19 pandemic days where

deaths were more hidden from public view. Sure, if you knew someone who died or followed the obituary

section of your local newspaper you were aware that every day people die, we all will die. Having it talked

about openly in updates and press conferences is a new phenomenon.

Another shift that I have noticed resulting from the COVID-19 pandemic is the active involvement of

physicians in the death event. Naturally, doctors and nurses are faced with the death of patients as a

component of their practices but for the most part physicians are slightly divorced from the actual final

stages of dying. Unless a physician specializes in palliative care or end-of-life care they are not usually with

people as they pass away. There is literature about how physicians are even averse to death, afraid of

death and will take whatever steps possible to avoid the death of a patient but what I am focussing on here

is their changed role in facing death in a big way, being there and not being able to do anything to stop the

death. This is particularly true in the hot spots or epicentres for the virus like New York City or in various

areas in Italy but is happening anywhere a physician is tending to a patient with a severe case of COVID-19

and there is nothing that can be done to save the patient. I heard a physician state that his role was to fix

people and send them home, not to watch them die.

This change must be a difficult adjustment for the physicians who typically skirt the death process of

patients. Perhaps it has also highlighted the importance of attending to the process of dying as a natural

cycle of life. The fact that many people with COVID-19 who ended up in ICU suffered alone and died alone

was also brought to the attention of the medical system and to the public. I think about the volunteer vigiling

that I did pre-COVID-19 pandemic with people who were in the final stages of dying and how important it

was to have someone be with and watch over someone who was dying. Will the COVID-19 pandemic and

the resulting deaths bring light to the importance of honouring the death process? Or will we go back to

hiding this significant life event? I hope we can be freer in our discussion of death and how important it is

for our lives.

New Life

The garden is all planted and tomorrow it is supposed to rain, perfect timing. The beets, peas, carrots

radish have all shown their faces and the cucumber and zucchini plants look happy and the garlic is

winning the race. Tomatoes, tomatillos, and mint are all good. Hoping for a good harvest, eating super local

and fresh!

Thursday, May 21, 2020

Solid cloud cover and constant rain. It will be good to have the plants get a good soak, but I hope none of

them float away.

Long distance birthday

Today our daughter celebrates her birthday. We have sent gifts that were previously received; I have sent

an e-card and we chat on the telephone. It is all good, but I miss the physical closeness and the ability to

give her a great big hug. Maybe next birthday.

Hopefulness

I read an article about the silver lining of the COVID-19 pandemic from the National Observer. I love articles

about the idea that the pandemic will bring along with its opportunities for all of us to reimagine our way of

living in the world. In it they note that the French publication Lundi Matin published a piece in which the

coronavirus furiously chastises us: “Either you use the time I’m giving you to envision the world of the

aftermath in light of what you’ve learned from the collapse that’s underway, or the latter will go extreme.” As

I wander the streets of my city, I see the collapse that has already occurred and the potential for more of

the same. Stores not yet open and others boarded-up; university buildings empty of students and their

professors; streets relatively quiet and fewer commuters in busses and cars. Some of these things will in

good time be an improvement but we may not see it this way until we have waded through some tough

times of readjustment.

The article I read refers to another piece that I search out. I love that it says as we move toward our post

pandemic world: “a different understanding of resilience might be helpful: Not bouncing back to the past

way of doing this but bouncing forward to a new way of doing things, out of the situation that is causing the

stresses and into a new, better alternative future”.

The article introduces me to Thomas Homer-Dixon, a Canadian political scientist who describes “our

response to the COVID-19 pandemic as a vivid example of a global tipping event in which multiple social

systems flip simultaneously to a distinctly new state and suggests that cascading changes in our global

social systems don’t always have to be so pernicious. Some might be virtuous, and today’s emerging

pandemic could help catalyze an urgently needed tipping event in humanity’s collective moral values,

priorities and sense of self and community.” I want to read more.

I like to think that we are on our way to a beneficial tipping event, that although painful at first, will be

invaluable in terms of the survival of humanity and of the planet (although I believe the planet will survive

with or without us and perhaps better without). I can easily imagine a better way of life for humans and the

world and hope we can get there.

Friday, May 22nd, 2020

Another day of rain and time to be inside, make more masks and maybe one more stuffed toy for my

granddaughter, this time a fish or two.

Out of Self-isolation?

Today I decide to put in a pick-up order for groceries and I am surprised that I have my pick of times that I

can pick them up tomorrow! I am happy that I do not have to wait for a week or more to get my order and I

see this as a clear sign that many people are back to going into the store to do their shopping. It has been

little over one week since our government set the relaunch of the economy and allowed some restrictions to

be lifted, for example restaurants open at 50% capacity and allowing for groups of 50 people to gather in

outside areas keeping physical distancing restrictions in place. The lifting of these restrictions did not

impact the grocery stores which have been open since the beginning of the pandemic but clearly the lifting

of other restrictions has also sent a message to people that the “doors are open” and perhaps this has

been interpreted as we are back to business as usual. I remain vigilant and like the option of getting a pick-

up order of groceries, it is one more way to stay away from potential infection and it is convenient.

Further opening has occurred in our province with the restrictions lifted on the two zones with the highest

caseloads. They are being allowed to move into phase one of the “relaunch”. Given that Calgary had

another outbreak today makes me wonder if this was a wise decision. I guess we will see in a week or two.

There are other areas across the world and perhaps most notably in the US where impatience with

pandemic restrictions is leading to unsafe practices and I suspect increases in cases. Interesting to watch.

Canada’s border is closed to people from the US until at least June 21st Hooray!

Saturday, May 23rd, 2020

Today is the 99th birthday of my uncle! He is amazing to say the least. Family will celebrate tomorrow with

all the new rules adhered to visit outside in the back garden; physical distancing; not sharing food; washing

our hands; using hand sanitizer liberally and not spending too much time together.

Park

Another meetup in the park and once again the questions like “don’t you think that countries are over-

reporting cases and deaths?” “How many people have died because they could not get regular medical

care?” and “isn’t this whole thing a conspiracy?” If we didn’t love the guy, I think the rest of us would refuse

to continue to meet with him. I think he hangs out with a strange contrary crowd who keep feeding him this

crap. I fail to understand why some country would over-report their cases and make this virus thing up in

the first place. Maybe I am the one who is naive?

We eventually evade this line of discussion and enter one where our astonishment with our friend’s thinking

can be put aside. I have always considered myself to be a cynic and I am not averse to contemplating

unusual points of view but this speculation that this COVID-19 pandemic is some sort of hoax is just so

difficult for me to get my head around. What is the benefit of imposing this pandemic on the world? Who will

benefit by the restrictions put in place for all of us? How can so many experts be wrong? It is puzzling.

Garden Check-Up

I survey the garden to see how the plants survived the two-day deluge of rain. Everything looks good

except for the seeds in the tiny pots which are now drowning. I have tried to rescue them from their flood

and hope that after a few days of sun they too will survive. I am worried about my beans; they are super

slow to poke out of the ground. Still hoping.

I am agitated today and cannot pinpoint where it is coming from although if truth be told I know it is from my

disconnection, my disconnection from my girls, my circle of friends that I have tried to re-establish when

returning to Edmonton and from feeling trapped by my sense that we are not through this pandemic and my

need to continue to stay safe, but mostly I cannot abide being away from my girls and my granddaughter

and having no idea when we might be together again. I find it heart-breaking and dread the widening gap

between us. How can this be my life? How do I make it my life?

Sunday, May 24th, 2020

Today is the 60th day in a row that I have meditated and done yoga. It has been 69 days since we went

into self-isolating/sheltering in place. It is hard to believe that I have completed a yoga session for 60 days,

no wonder my legs ache slightly.

And today there are 5,460,793 people around the world who have contracted the coronavirus and 345,340

people have died as a result of COVID-19. Top honours for cases go to the US of A with 1.676M cases and

almost 100,000 (99,003) deaths.

The numbers keep going up and the post-pandemic talk continues to escalate, a significant impatience

abounds.

I was taken by the two full obituary pages in the New York Times which lists 1,000 of the 100,000 COVID-

19 deaths in the US thus far.

Looking at numbers is just that and it is often hard for us to really get a sense of what these mean in terms

of humanity. To see this list which represents only a fraction of the death toll up until today, is stunning. To

read about everyone, to see who they were brings our collective loss to the forefront.

“They were not simply names on a list. They were us”...kind of says it all.

Birthday party

A special day today, a day to celebrate the birthday of my 99-year-old uncle and also a day to celebrate

being with extended family whom I have not seen since the party after my aunt’s funeral in early January.

We gather in my cousin’s backyard, which is massive, and we are able to keep physical distance between

immediate family groupings. It was a perfect day to be outside. Around 30 of us joined the party. My uncle

was thrilled!

I loved being able to speak to everyone and see that everyone was well and coping with the COVID-19

pandemic. I heard lots of comments about being fortunate to have safe comfortable houses to live in,

enough resources to be able to eat and to stay safe. Many people talked about how their work situations

had changed because of the COVID-19 pandemic but most people who had been working were still

working or had altered their work in a way that was acceptable for them. In other words, everyone seemed

to be coping well within our new world.

The most touching moment for me was when my cousin and his wife put on face masks and then went over

to their daughter who one at a time put masks on her young boys, age 6 and 4, who then had the

opportunity to have a quick hug with their grandparents. This was a special moment for all of them and one

that brought tears to my eyes. Speaking of tears, a conversation with my sister, a couple of nieces and a

cousin revealed that I was not alone in shedding tears at least once a day initiated by something touching,

sad or heart wrenching, a characteristic of our new COVID-19 pandemic world, I suppose.

I was also touched to see the praise rained upon my son who had just recently rebuilt my cousin’s

enormous deck. He had done a very good job. Our family is not a gushy one that is quick to sing the

praises of anyone unless deserved, maybe even a touch critical, so getting these compliments was

wonderful for him.

My uncle blew out his candles and then my husband read out an ode to him which everyone loved. Then it

was the traditional Budmo toast, singing Happy Birthday and a traditional Ukrainian best wishes song. My

uncle thanked everyone for being there to celebrate with him. We all hope he will have another party next

year.

That we had got together as a family was wonderful and although we followed the rules of physical

distancing, not sharing food and just being careful, I was left with a fear that someone, perhaps myself,

would unknowingly pass the virus onto my uncle or anyone else in attendance. I am reminded that there

are very few active cases in my city and that the total number of cases has been small so the chances of

the virus being present at the party and then being transmitted were slim to none.

Monday, May 25th, 2020

Today, we are feeling worn out from our weekend that included two get together with other people. Maybe

we were too much in the groove of our sheltering in place and will have to get our visiting legs charged up

again. I do remain somewhat hesitant about throwing caution to the wind, so to speak, and ignoring the

public health measures that are meant to keep us safe. I worry that having been the centre of attention for

parties two days in a row, that my 99-year-old Uncle will have been exposed to the virus, god forbid.

Good News

Today we finally received an update on my husband’s cousin in England. He had been transferred to a

small rehabilitation hospital after having had his leg amputated because of the persistent ulcer that was

beyond repair. He is in good spirits and amazingly was able to beat the COVID-19 infection that he

contracted while in hospital. This is surprising to all of us given his other health issues that have been

identified as key risk factors for COVID-19 and for death from the same. We are happy that he did not die

from the virus and very happy that he is in good spirits and will be able to return home in a few weeks. His

wife will be thrilled, although she will be confused about the event. I believe that even in her bewilderment

she will know that all things are right again. Good News!

More good news, we talk to our daughter about their summer trip to visit us and how we might meet up in

Jasper in the Rocky Mountains for a few days before they continue to our home. Staying in the mountain s

for a few days would make their trip extra special and would be fun for us as well. I have started to look at

places to stay and want to book something soon, possibly for early July. This is good news!

Tuesday, May 26th, 2020

Today the US has reached the milestones of having had over 100,000 deaths from COVID-19. They have

the highest number of deaths of any country in the world although not the highest death per 100,000

population which goes to Belgium where 82 per 100,000 population resulted in a death.

The worldwide cases continue to rise and are at 5,763,277 cases worldwide. The US, Brazil and Russia

have the biggest increases in cases at this point in time.

Today we had a pre-pandemic type day as we prepared for guests who would be having lunch at our place.

We hoped for a warm sunny day and got what we hoped for. The couple who visited us are planning on

leaving for another home in another province and were trying to visit with friends before they left. I had

given them the option of a visit with coffee on the deck outside or lunch and they chose lunch.

We ended up having a perfect day on the deck and enjoyed our visit. As per usual I was a bit concerned

about us being too close physically and sharing food, but we all agreed that we were willing to take the risk

that one of us was unknowingly an asymptomatic COVID-19 carrier. It is interesting how I have a bit of a

panic attack after being with other people, not about being infected by them but the fear that I have infected

them. My panic manifested itself as tightness in my chest and on my left side which is all related to my

reflux. It is clear that the tension caused by my worry impacts my vagus nerve which in turn impacts my

digestion which manifests as that old chest tightness that I have suffered from for years. If only I could let,

go of my fear of infecting someone! My husband reminds me that we have very few active cases in our

large city and that I have not really been in contact with anyone other than people whom I know do not

have the virus. Oh well!

Exciting news on the gardening front, my beans have finally popped up out of the ground. Hooray!

This photo shows just one of these hardy little characters and there are plenty more ready to join this one. It

will be fun to watch as this expands its stems and leaves to become a plant bearing bean pods.

I love them fresh but also lightly pickled. Hope I get a good crop this year.

Wednesday, May 27th, 2020

Connecting to a dear friend

This morning I connected by telephone with a dear friend who lives in rural southern Ontario. Moana and I

met at a retreat about 15 years ago. At the time I was the Executive Director of PLAN Edmonton and

Moana was the mother of a girl who had several disabilities. The goal of PLAN was to assist parents of

disabled or otherwise vulnerable children to set up informal support networks that ideally could follow the

child into adulthood and remain in place as a support structure if and when the parents died. I had learned

of the organization while doing some consulting work with a service provider for disabled youth in Alberta

and loved the concept. My interest developed into becoming involved with setting up a chapter of the

organization in Edmonton and then eventually in Boulder, Colorado, USA. Moana became involved to learn

how to set up an informal network for her daughter. I met many wonderful people through the retreats held

by the parent organization in Vancouver. Many of these people have remained friends, Moana being a

special one.

Since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic we had communicated by email but both of us were itching

for a telephone conversation. There were lots to talk about! We have always enjoyed being able to talk

about current issues and the pandemic was a cavern full of topics to examine and debate. Our two-hour

conversation had my arm and hand aching and my mind flying in many directions. It was so wonderful to

have had this conversation.

We were all over the map and could have continued for another couple hours. We of course talked about

the ridiculousness of having someone like Trump in charge of anything let alone one of biggest countries in

the world. And we commented on Alberta’s Premier Kenney being a “Trump-wanna be” and how

destructive these two humans have been and continue to be.

But mostly we talked about our reactions to the COVID-19 pandemic and what we have mined in terms of

positives that have arisen for the world. Both of us agreed that we have had limited negative impact

because we are retired and because we are well positioned in terms of shelter and resources. We agreed

that the only major negative we have experienced has been the annihilation of in person social

relationships that we find so fundamental to our well-being. We also agreed that the technological

substitutes are not acceptable and are in some ways actually painful.

Some of issues that have arisen as a result of the pandemic that have a possibility of improving the current

cultural situation includes the recognition of the substandard and sometimes damaging care provided in

continuing care centres across Canada and the recognition that our mental health is critical to our overall

wellbeing and that it is something that has typically been neglected. We speculated that perhaps there

would be efforts to address these two areas of concern, but we also acknowledged that these issues have

been that for years and have yet to get the attention they deserve. And it is not from lack of examination

and the highlighting of potential system and service improvements, there are many a report sitting on

government shelves that point out what is now being touted as new information. Maybe by getting noticed

in the different venues created by the COVID-19 pandemic these will finally be tackled.

We talked about the new focus on local food and growing of one’s own food that is becoming viral. Both of

us have had gardens previously but noticed that we are seeing these gardens in a different light given

another potential lockdown related to the coronavirus. Taking it from a hobby, an activity to a true source of

food is new. The action of growing food raises the status of the growers from that of consumer to one of

citizen and active participant in the food chain. This is good stuff. Considering oneself as citizen rather than

consumer changes our perception of our role in the world and our sphere of influence. Maybe this will

inspire us to see that our sphere of influence can be expanded in other areas of life.

The changes that have happened related to travel has had an impact on the viability of the industry:

airlines, car rental, hotels and so on. We talked about how the reduction in travel is a good thing overall and

that perhaps the extensive international travel that had become the norm was a bit ridiculous. The positive

impact on carbon emissions is a good thing but I anticipate that somehow travel will continue, and this

positive benefit will be lost.

Other topics we talked about included the recognition of essential workers and how grocery and pharmacy

clerks have been defined as essential along with health care workers and first responders. We wondered

how long this acknowledgment would remain attached to the grocery clerks, would we be able to continue

our respect for the important role they play in our lives and our ability to keep ourselves nourished.

Finally, we hoped that some of the stronghold of capitalism would be weakened by the COVID-19

pandemic and its impacts. I truly hope that we will see changes in this area, yet I am not too optimistic that

people in general and society will have used their time in self isolation to rethink their place in our world.

Will they begin to see that in many ways their lives have been defined by the conditions put upon us by the

capitalist leaders and their destructive principles (although I find it difficult to call them principles!).

Corporate power rules with such a heavy hand and altering this in even a small way may appear to be

unachievable. That I feel hopeless about this situation does the opposite; it makes me angry and inspires

me to be more vocal and active in any way that I can. We agreed that there must be a way to move toward

a more humane world overall.

Vaccine Hopes

On CBC, Canada’s public radio, I listened to Dr. William A. Haseltine, Harvard Medical School Professor

and HIV/AIDS Researcher speak about the COVID-19 pandemic and our expectations that a vaccine will

be made available. He was reacting to Moderna Therapeutic’s announcement of getting close to finding a

vaccine and as a result having a spike in their stock value. Haseltine felt that their claim was a stretch. He

referred to it as “publication by press release”. This method of releasing information gives a false sense of

progress in a minimalist way and is not backed up with the detailed findings to support the claim. And

luckily for them and their stock value, most people just read the headline if anything at all. He also noted

that the US program: “Vaccine in Warp Speed” reinforces this type of “dangerous” approach where

someone tries to be the fastest in achieving a goal, in this case a vaccine for the coronavirus. He also

stated that this program implies the need for speed and thus gives permission to researchers and

regulatory bodies to distort the regulatory processes that should guard the safe and effective development

of a vaccine. Does the emphasis on “warp speed” allow for a vaccine to be developed and approved for the

wrong reasons, how about monetary gain even without success of providing an effective vaccine? Will we

lose the rigor of the scientific process that is required for this complex virus? This leads to questions about

whether governments can be trusted to be protecting us or just trying to be the winner in the race. I believe

that being seen as the winner is all that the US government cares about.

Haseltine continues his comments noting that he doubts whether there will be a vaccine or at least one that

will be protective for most of the population. He explained things about vaccines that helped me to

understand the suspicion that I have had about the availability of a vaccine; that having an effective vaccine

is a crap shoot with low odds. He noted that many of the vaccines that are being tested do not protect the

person from becoming infected, they only have the potential to alter the course of the disease. It is well

known that people over 60 and those with chronic health conditions are most vulnerable to the coronavirus

and yet Haseltine noted that it is difficult to develop a vaccine that works for older people or unhealthy

people. Vaccines are generally made for healthy people not for vulnerable people. There seem to be a lot

of “ifs” related to the hope of having a vaccine for COVID-19.

The encouraging part of his presentation was that he believes that we do not need a vaccine, we need a

change in behaviour. He stated that it is within human capacity to stop the virus by self-isolation, physical

distancing, through contact tracing, careful isolation of infected individuals. These behaviours he says will

get rid of the virus. He questions why are we waiting for a vaccine when we could be having a strict self-

isolation protocol? This confirms my perception that our impatience to get the economy up and running at

full speed is jeopardizing our ability to rid ourselves of the virus. He summarized his talk by noting that we

are not out of the woods and that hoping for a vaccine is heading us towards disaster rather than doing

what we need to do: focus on human behaviour and the responsibility of each of us to do our part to stop

the spread.

Thursday, May 28th, 2020

I have decided to change my morning routine, returning to an old habit of an early morning solo walk.

These walks served me well almost a year ago when I was going through a difficult period of grief from

being separated from my girls and my granddaughter. The quiet cool air of the morning, the sun making

itself visible and walking alone gave me time to reflect and deflect some of the angst I was experiencing.

After several days of these morning walks, I found that my sobbing episodes diminished, and I could get

through a day without feeling totally weighted down with heartache. I needed these walks once again as my

grief had once again raised its unpleasant head.

I believe that the return of this sense of loss was brought on by the recollection of my granddaughter’s birth

and in learning that an anticipated visit from her and her parents would be delayed and possibly not happen

at all given our COVID-19 pandemic situation. The former reason reignited my visceral connection to my

granddaughter that was formed in the period of intensity as she spent 8 days in the Neonatal Intensive

Care Unit (NICU) at birth. Sure, that connection has remained since her birth but in telling the story of her

birth to friends earlier in the week some elements of the experience must have flooded back into my being.

Then hearing that the visit might change sent me over the edge once again. It was a familiar place to be,

one I have been in off and on since her arrival. It is not a pleasant place to be as it pushes me in the

direction of protecting myself by further separating myself from the very people whom I want to be closer to.

A dilemma and a paradox I suppose.

Other distressing stuff

Yesterday in our provincial Legislature, our Premier stated that it was time to move on from this COVID- 19

pandemic thing and get back to business. He noted that the average life expectancy in Alberta is 82 years

of age and the average age of people who have died from COVID-19 in Alberta is 83 so these people have

beat the odds, implying what’s the big deal? He went on to say, 6 times no less, that COVID-19 was just an

influenza and was really not a big deal for everyone except those irritating old people who are dying (about

96.5% of deaths from COVID-19 in Alberta are people who are over 60, that is OLD). I am sure that the

Premier does not really care about the old, old people who live in care centres and particularly those with

dementia as they are likely not to vote, in other words they inconsequential to him. He sounds so much like

the idiot President of the US that it is frightening.

His message is a disaster as it allows the public to really let loose and potentially ignore all public health

standards that are our only way to stay safe and to prevent further transmission of the virus. I saw a clip of

our resident medical ethics expert who looked apoplectic at what the Premier had said and super

concerned about the impact that his inaccurate message will have on the population. He is such a

dangerous disgrace!!!

Friday, May 29th, 2020

Another morning walk nourishes my soul, that at this moment in time needs some major comforting. The

bleak dismal weight that descended on me yesterday has not lifted entirely and I feel like I need to run, not

sure where but somewhere. Working in the garden and admiring the new blooms distracts me.

Not so essential workers

It was only a few days ago that my friend and I had a conversation about the potential for continued respect

and recognition of newly defined essential workers such as grocery clerks and people working in

pharmacies in our “post-pandemic” relaunch frenzy. Today I read an article that these essential grocery

store workers have now lost their special status. The $2/hour increase in pay that many of them received

during the height of the “lockdown” has been taken away and they are back to their meager wages of the

pre-pandemic days. So much for the respect and the “you are critical workers” crap, it was a temporary

gesture made to have the corporate giants look like they might have a humane bone in their bodies, not so

apparently. One grocery chain, Whole Foods, that decreased the hourly wage of their workers felt justified

in this action by saying that the workers can get a 10% discount in the grocery purchases they make at the

store. Of course, this grocery chain is aptly referred to as “Whole Paycheck” due to the ridiculously high

prices they charge for their “organic” food. Given that their workers are for the most part getting minimum

wage they are not likely to be able to shop at the store in the first place, so the discounted groceries are

useless, a slap in the face. Another major chain, Save-On, owned by one of the richest men in B.C. will

also cut the “hazard pay” and offer the discount on groceries. Cheap shot once again. I naively thought the

pay raise was tied to the recognition that these jobs are important, essential all the time, and therefore

would continue to be deemed as such, so foolish! Amazon has also ended their pandemic bonus pay of

$2/hour but I heard that they will all be getting “Hero” t-shirts in appreciation of their critical role in our

economy. What a joke this is! Once again, the corporate giants continue to gain millions on the backs of

their underpaid workers.

This reminds me that I will listen to Canadian Tim Bray, “a

veteran technologist who helped build the internet, recently left

his high profile VP job at tech giant Amazon over their treatment

of warehouse workers. "After five years and five months of

rewarding fun. I quit in dismay at Amazon firing whistle-blowers

who were making noise about warehouse employees frightened

of Covid-19," he wrote in a May blog post. Bray, who was once

arrested for protesting the Trans Mountain Pipeline project, joins

host Linda Solomon Wood to talk big tech, capitalism and

COVID-19.” Should be interesting.

Saturday, May 30th, 2020

Another morning meet-up in the park and lots of discussion

about current affairs. This morning the discussion focussed on

the protests and violence in many major cities in the US

following the killing of yet another unarmed black man, George

Floyd, this time by a police officer in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

This of course is not the first death of an unarmed black man by

police or other persons in the US and follows the recent death of

Ahmaud Arbery, 25, who was jogging when he was shot dead during a confrontation with a father and son

in Brunswick, Georgia on 23 February. In this latter case, it took months before the father and son, who had

videoed shooting Arbery, were even charged with the crime.

Systemic racism within the US and all around the world is not anything new and Canada cannot pretend

that it is not an issue for our country, it is! Given the heightened tensions resulting from the COVID-19

pandemic impacts it did not take much to have protests about how black people have historically and are

currently treated in the US to explode. Most of the protests have occurred in the US but have also been

happening in Canadian cities as well. What a mess!

The COVID-19 pandemic has offered all of us an opportunity to examine how we live in the world and what

we have defined as important both as individuals and as a society.

Sunday, May 31, 2020

We have decided to try to recapture an experience from the past, spending some summertime at a cabin

by the lake. My husband has found a cabin that is available for rent on Pigeon Lake a short drive from our

city. We drive out to have a look at the place, outside only. It is perfect, it is only one hour away, it is right

on the lake, it has a fire pit and a large deck. We will book it for one week. I look forward to sometime “at

the lake”. We will invite family and friends to visit and possibly spend a night or two. Visions of floating on

the lake and just being there will help to keep me grounded.

May 2020 Wrap-up

At the end of May 2020, the worldwide the COVID-19 case count reached 6.2 M and deaths were around

350,000. This is in comparison to 3.2M cases and around 233,000 deaths at the beginning of the month.

Canada ends the month with almost 90,000 cases and 7,100 deaths compared to around 55,000 cases of

COVID-19 and3,400 deaths at beginning of May.

Alberta ends the month with 7,010 cases and 143 deaths compared to 5,573 cases and 92 deaths at

beginning of May.

The US of A wins the prize, now reaching 1,842,877 cases and 106,000 deaths. Wow!

So much has happened over the last month of sheltering in place and living in the COVID-19 pandemic

world and yet in some ways everything is the same. My personal observations and thoughts for the month

include:

• We are bombarded by mixed messages about the nature of the virus and its impact

• I feel comfortable wearing a face mask in public and I can breathe freely and deeply with a mask on

• There is so much impatience about getting “back to normal”

• I am not that interested in getting back to normal, I want a new normal

• I wash my hands more often and more intensely than I did pre-pandemic

• It now feels normal to cross the street or at least move over as much as possible while approaching

others while out walking on the street

• I no longer believe that an effective vaccine will be developed

• I believe that only through our behaviour and our respect for the power of the virus will we emerge

from the influence and the threat of the pandemic

• It now seems normal to sit far away from friends and family when we gather

• I am sort of getting used to the individual snacks offered when we gather

• My vegetable garden is precious and now much more than a hobby

• I continue to be frustrated and infuriated with my provincial government

• I am disappointed, perhaps outraged that my provincial government is hiding behind the COVID-19

pandemic to make destructive decisions

• I am worried about what is happening with the COVID-19 pandemic in the US

• I am not surprised by the protests and tensions in the US and hope they result in change that is

desperately needed

• I have a new respect for our Federal Government

• I still respect our Chief Medical Officer of Health even though I am aware that she is being swayed

by the economic priorities of our government

• I am concerned about the second wave of the pandemic and how it will impact our way of living

• I remain broken hearted about my geographical separation from my family in Vancouver

• I suspect that the ability to travel between provinces will be restricted for some time to come

• I realize that I like making stuffed toys

• I still cannot bear not having an in-person relationship with my young granddaughter

• I desperately hope that our pandemic time will give us pause for thought about how we live ou r lives

I am hoping for a better world.