Corona Diaries

Diane

“How am I almost 3 weeks in? I am OK. I can’t think about the possibilities of what might happen. I have written a letter for each grandchild in case I don’t see them grow up - once that was done I started sleeping better, it is my way to cope.”

Background Information

Female, aged 55-64, Retired University Administrator, Southeast England, White, Married to George, faithful Christian.

April 2020

7th April 2020

The start of lockdown; life now

The last day we saw any of the family was 19th March, my son Rob’s, 38th birthday. We took cake round to Pepper Cottage and had lunch with Rob, Natasha, Rebecca and Arthur and Natasha’s parents. It was really good to sit round the table and share cake and chat, but for the adults there was an underlying sadness, we knew we would have to stop seeing each other very soon. Most of us went for a walk to see the lambs in the village, it was a cold day but good to be out and see Spring coming. By the time George and I left we had decided we wouldn’t be seeing any of the family again until we were sure it was safe.

How do I feel about that? Devastated. Whenever I think of all 5 of my grandchildren and not being able to see and hold and huggle them (as Arthur would say) I want to cry and often I do. I feel a physical longing, it hurts in my chest. Most of the time I keep busy and don’t think of it, but every so often it gets me.

So what have we done in isolation? Lots of housework and cleaning. Lots of tidying the garden and planting seeds - trying to grow some salad and vegetables as there may be a shortage in the summer - who knows? That is the thing now, nobody knows what the next few months are going to be like; we have gone from a life where we could make plans, pop out to the shops, organise things to a life of not knowing within a few short days. George and I are part of the leadership team at a church in Tenville, so we are busy trying to support all the church folk, some of whom are elderly and don’t have smartphones or computers. We have a WhatsApp group and every morning someone else shares a Bible verse and then I share something related to Covid-19 for prayers, the rest of the day things are popping up on this. We are contributing to a weekly newsletter. On Sundays I watch a church service from a vicar’s home on Facebook. I seem busy, I am working through a to do list slowly, I have a few things left to do on it. I am contacting relatives and friends to see how they are doing.

The one thing I am so grateful for is video calls. To be able to see loved ones, especially the children is just great. We had a video call for Arthur’s 3rd birthday, it wasn’t quite the same as being there, but almost - we sang, he opened his presents, he blew out the candles and then they ate cake and we watched - the only downside to things. Even William who is 11 months smiled when I talked to him, he knew who I was.

How am I almost 3 weeks in? I am OK. I can’t think about the possibilities of what might happen. I have written a letter for each grandchild in case I don’t see them grow up - once that was done I started sleeping better, it is my way to cope. Some of the things we hear on the news or read on Facebook are terrible, I hope I don’t have to go into hospital and see them. How the medical staff cope I don’t know, they are wonderful and I include in that the cleaners, catering staff, porters etc Thank God for the NHS - the backbone of the UK and at present the frontline too. Am I afraid? To be honest, I don’t know - sometimes I think if we just stay at home it will all be fine, but we have to start mingling with each other again at some point - what happens then?

29 April 2020

6 weeks in lockdown

How am I feeling after 6 weeks? Well I think we are doing OK. I still seem to be busy, I still have a few things on the to do list to get on with. However getting on with things is a way of not dwelling on what is happening and the uncertainty of the next months. I still miss the family and love seeing photos of what they are up to or having a video chat, but it is not the same as playing with the grandchildren, sharing a book or chatting to my children.

Days sort of blur into one with very little structure. Highlights are the days a Tesco delivery is due as this gives us something to do, we are shopping for ourselves and our son and his family. He is self employed in the events industry and work just stopped in mid March. The government's support for the self employed so far hasn’t given them any money, the bank has turned them down for a business interruption loan. Hopefully this week’s new announcement by the government will mean some money for them soon. There must be thousands of people just like them with no money, what do the ones with no family to help do?

Sunday’s are a bit different as there is online church at 10am. We have dealt with a few pastoral things as church leaders and I am writing the occasional thing for the church’s covid newsletter which we send out each week. We have someone in hospital with a broken hip and hear how difficult it is for family who can’t visit, the communication from hospital is non existent. We realise just how much hospital staff rely on family visits to pass on information to them, no visits and they don’t get the information also family would notice early if a patient’s behaviour was changing.

I have watched my first funeral via webcam. It was so sad. A friend and former colleague died of cancer on the first day of lockdown. She was a former nurse and an academic teaching nursing, in normal times her funeral would have been packed. To see just 5 members of the family sitting together in the chapel at the crematorium and a handful of others spread out was just terrible. The vicar was brilliant, he knew the family, and he carried on as if it was a normal funeral. The technology had a couple of glitches, some buffering and once stopped altogether and I had to log in again. It was lovely to hear what was said and be reminded of a really vibrant woman who lost her life in her 50s after a long battle with cancer that didn’t stop her being generous, caring and full of life. The saddest part was to watch them walk out of the chapel and to know they couldn’t even shake the hand of the few people there. How are they doing now? They will have a celebration of her life when this is over, but how are people coping with grieving now. This is happening to so many families at the moment, it is the saddest and cruelest part of covid-19.

On a happier note my youngest grandchild, William was one on Saturday. My daughter was so upset he couldn’t have a party with both sides of the family. They live a 15 minute drive from us, near the river so we

drove over there and stood outside and I sang happy birthday from the street as they were on their terrace (they live in a first floor flat with a big terrace). After a chat we went for a walk by the river, so nice to walk somewhere different and not just on urban streets. His other grandma did the same later in the day. He is only one so knows nothing different and when he is an old man, he can tell his grandchildren about his first birthday.

We haven’t been touched yet by covid-19, we are lucky or just very cautious and carefully isolating, as we know how devastating it could be. I can feel in the last few days anxiety creeping in, when lockdown is slowly released what will happen then? If school starts but only part time, how will my daughter manage with two girls, 8 and 6, in different schools; will they attend on different days? How will she manage to go to work? I am vulnerable due to diabetes, will I be able to help? What about people’s jobs and the economy? In some ways lockdown is easy, you just stay at home; what is life after this going to be like?

May 2020 The first half of May What has happened in the last 2 weeks? Life has carried on much the same, staying at home, but there have been things going on such as the 75th anniversary of VE day, families arranging funerals in a different way, family struggling, so I do have things to write about and reflect on. I will start with a happy thing to celebrate, my oldest child turned 40 on 4th May. We hadn’t made plans before the lockdown, but I was hoping we could all get together on the Sunday, the day before, to celebrate; maybe have Sunday lunch out with all 3 of the children, their partners and the grandchildren, but it was not to be. I bought some retro sweets and a notepad saying born in May 1980 and gave Sarah an Amazon voucher - not very celebratory, but what do you do when you can’t go shopping? I walked round on 3rd and left the gift on her doorstep, then we had a chat, me on the pavement and her and the girls on the step. It is lovely to see them, but so difficult not to cuddle the girls (6 and 8) and one of them wanted to go for a walk with me. When I walk away alone it is so hard, that ache in the chest is back and it’s hard not to cry. It is the fourth close family birthday in lockdown, will there be any more before we can safely all be together again? The next one is a son in law in July. Funerals have become so difficult under lockdown. It was something that as a church elder, we have talked over, we thought we may be called on to preside at a funeral if one of our congregation passed away. However that hasn’t happened yet. Two of the congregation have lost close loved ones, but not to covid-19. They have both opted for a non-attended cremation for similar reasons, the closest member of the family is unable to attend due to either being physically too unwell or because they are shielding and the wider family would have to travel just for the ceremony and then go back, also they were concerned that someone may pass on the virus at the funeral. So in both cases there will be a thanksgiving when this is all over, but how must they be feeling? Is it possible to grieve in these circumstances, especially when you weren’t able to be present at the death to say goodbye? Until this month I have never known anyone who had a non-attended cremation - covid-19 is certainly changing the way we say goodbye to our loved ones. Of everything that the last weeks have brought us, I think this is one of the cruellest.

I have continued to be busy, I did a bit of decorating and we have some paint ordered so I can pop a coat of emulsion on our spare room. It isn’t worth the risk of going to the DIY store so we are happy to wait a couple of weeks for the paint. Hopefully I can get it all sorted and some new beds so the grandchildren can come and stay after this is over. I know my daughter in law would love a bit of child free time! I have been for some walks locally, it is mostly urban here, but there is a big field overlooking the Medway Towns and the river, so I often walk there and enjoy the view. The main roads are beginning to be a bit busier, so the birdsong isn’t as obvious there, but in the back streets it is so noticeable. Having more time I have noticed so much more nature than when I rushed around. I love being able to rejoice in the world God made, there are certainly some changes that lockdown have made us take that are good. The council has stopped mowing the verges along the roads in town, it has only taken a few weeks for nature to take over. The weeds are beautiful, hopefully they will be left now until the end of the summer as this is so good for bees and insects.

Like so many people I am now using video chats with the family and also we have held 2 elders meetings this way. As elders we know each other very well, so it has been odd not to meet up regularly, but the online meetings have been fine. They are shorter than normal, but maybe that is because we can’t plan anything for the future as we have no idea when we will be opening the church again. Last Friday was the 75th anniversary of VE day. All national plans for a celebration on this day were off. I had thought we wouldn’t do anything, but felt I should make some bunting for the front window so downloaded some templates and got colouring, another thing lockdown has brought - time to do things. On Friday morning I did a bit of gardening in the front and a couple of neighbours shouted that they were coming out with some food and drink about 4pm, so we did likewise. I made a cake and we had a pot of tea and a slice of Victoria sandwich sitting on the pavement, shouting at the neighbours - friendly shouting, but you can’t have a quiet chat with 2 meter distancing! We took a walk along the centre of the road and chatted to people at the other end of the road, we met new neighbours. Another positive from this, time to chat to people! I have to say other streets near us did nothing, but it felt so good and almost normal to be outside speaking to different people. I think it wasn’t strictly within the rules, but psychologically it lifted our spirits. So, how are the family doing? Our oldest daughter is working from home, she normally works 20 hours a week in a university library. She has been managing to keep fairly busy 4 hours or so a day with tasks she

would normally do over the summer period and answering emails from students. However, this level of things to do is decreasing, so she is just doing what she can. She has 2 girls at home, 8 and 6, so she is trying to help them do some schoolwork, but they are not doing very much. The older girl is well ahead for reading, English and maths so none of us think she will find it a problem to get going again at school whenever she can go again. The younger one is getting on with learning to read and there is nothing to be gained from forcing her to work for hours each day at school work, again she is a bright thing and will be OK when she goes back. Their father is also furloughed, so they have been doing a lot together. My son and daughter in law are very anxious, both children (age 3 and 4) have medical problems so they are shielding, and they are very worried about various members of my daughter in law’s wider family who also have medical problems, so as things relax in lockdown they expect they will all continue on at home. They have a garden which is so good, until Christmas they lived in a flat! The children can play outside, they are growing so much food and flowers. My granddaughter is turning into a brilliant gardener, she is telling daddy the Latin names for plants and she can’t even read yet, so lockdown has been good in some ways. However, anxiety is increasing in them all, medical tests for the children are on hold, but they did get a phone consultation which was helpful as far as it went. They are getting 6 chickens joining their family tomorrow, this was all planned before Covid-19, so hopefully the arrival of the girls will be good for them all. I do worry about everyone’s mental health in that household, especially when I hear about nobody sleeping well. Finally, my youngest daughter and her family are doing OK, but they also are having some troubles. She too is working from home, trying to do 21 hours a week of university administration. This was OK when her husband was on furlough, as he could care for their son who is just 1 year old, but her husband went back to work 4 weeks ago. He works in London on a construction site, so at present is driving in as he can have somewhere to park, but normally he goes on the train. So Lisa is trying to work 4 or so hours a day around being Mummy, so if he has a nap that is fine, but it is so stressful for her. Fortunately, the little one is very well behaved and will play well as long as you keep an eye on him. So I worry about them too, 8 weeks with just your Mum and Dad is a long time for a child of this age to be in a 2 bedroom flat with an occasional walk outside, they do have a terrace which is fortunate so he can wander out there, but it is still limiting. What do I think of the slight easing of lockdown from Wednesday this week and the change of government slogan? I have lots of thoughts, on the slogan I think Stay alert, Control the virus, Save lives is far too vague. Before with Stay at Home our response was obvious. Now some people will take Stay alert as, I can do exactly what I want - our family are continuing to stay home, but many aren't. I fear that there will be a second wave and that will mean we will all be staying away from our family for much longer. The opening of schools is causing many people increased anxiety, I suppose being older I tend to see both sides of the arguments, but I don’t think it is as easy as just reopening with distancing. My 6 year old granddaughter is in year 1, this is one of the years that may be returning on 1st June. However she goes to an infant school with a nursery, so they are expected to restart nursery, year R and year 1 - only year 2 to stay home at the moment; but all classes are to be a maximum of 15 children. This is a logistical nightmare for her school, they apparently have risk assessed it and as the classrooms are small they can only get 8 children in each with the required social distancing, there is no way each of the children who are to return can be in school even part of every day, they just don’t have the space. There is one entrance

onto school grounds down a long narrow path with steep banks either side, so if you meet a parent and child coming the other way there is no space to move aside and distance. We don’t yet know what their plans are, but they have asked parents how many would be prepared to send children back. There is an argument that returning to school and risking a slight rise in cases is better for children especially in deprived areas and I can see that is definitely true, but each school premises is different and decisions will need to be made on the ground. The little one’s nursery is reopening on 1st June, Lisa had an email yesterday. Fortunately she will be working from home for the foreseeable future so isn’t sending him back yet for his normal one day a week. They won’t be able to take all the children as they too have to social distance the children. For the babies and toddlers the numbers they can take is very limited and when they need a nappy change the staff will have to wear PPE, I am so glad he isn’t going to have this happen. Can you imagine even for a 1 year old to have to return to nursery after weeks alone with Mum and Dad and then have someone in a mask and gloves changing your nappy - I think it will be terrifying for small children. I am concerned about public transport, especially in London. Thank goodness we live further out in Basswick. So many people can’t drive, walk or cycle - life in the last 50 years has changed so much that people who work near home are much rarer these days. I had been feeling quite peaceful and settled, but this week has brought back uncertainty. I have been a bit more emotional, rather like the first weeks - I suppose this is due to just not knowing how things are going to be in the next few weeks. I don’t blame anyone or want to say things are being done badly or wrong, none of us have experienced anything like this before so we can’t say what should happen. I just want it to be over and safe to see the family. End of May 2020 It’s 10 weeks ago today (28th May) since we spent time with any of our family. If we had been told that we would be at home for this long when it started I would have thought we would be struggling with things to do and mentally by now. However I am keeping reasonably busy, the paint we have ordered has arrived, so I am putting a coat of paint on the spare room, I have spent time working in the garden, sewing, clearing things out. Mentally most of the time I feel OK, we have got, I suppose, a gentle rhythm going, but each day seems pretty much like the day before, with very little to signify what day of the week we are on. I did feel quite down for a few days recently, having had depression twice many years ago I feel very uncomfortable as that feeling of being down creeps in, I really never want to return to the dark days of real depression, which you cannot shake off or easily find a way out of. Fortunately after a few days that feeling of wanting to cry for no reason and not really wanting to do much lifted and I feel OK now. It is not surprising we have these down times, this is just not life as we are used to living it. So, what has happened in the last few weeks. After Boris Johnson changed the slogan on 10th May and said people could start going to work if strictly necessary, but not to use public transport if possible, it was announced on the following Friday that the London congestion charge would come back into operation on the Monday morning and parking restrictions would be enforced again. So my son in law who had been safely driving into London and parking on the street, had to get back onto the train to get to the construction site where he is working. I spent a day making him a couple of facemasks which we took and left outside his flat. He says the trains are fairly empty and he starts work at 7am and comes home mid afternoon so misses the rush, but it seems a big risk. Just doing a simple journey now seems wrong and worrying and I

was livid when the charge was put back on to raise money for TfL, had the mayor not heard Johnson say to avoid public transport? My other son in law went back to work locally this week. This leaves both my daughters trying to work from home and look after children at the same time. They are brilliant, but in need of a break. Normally as this week would be school holiday we would have taken some of the grandchildren out for the day, Monday was a Bank Holiday - the fourth during lockdown, we are so wanting to be able to go out somewhere for the day. Some people did go out on Monday, beaches were busy and beauty spots, but we won’t take that risk. Finally my self employed son has had some financial help from the government which has taken a bit of the pressure off. The grant he got is to cover 3 months loss of earnings, but he suspects it will be months yet before he is back earning money. He works in the events industry as an audio visual technician, mostly working at corporate events, conferences and large exhibitions. I don’t think these things will be going ahead anytime soon. He does however install high quality video conferencing facilities, so maybe this may be an area of increasing employment, as more people will want to work from home now it has been proved it is possible for many jobs. Although most people are happy using Zoom or Teams for their meetings rather than spending a lot of money. Last weekend, and almost every day since then, the TV and radio news has been about Dominic Cummings breaking the lockdown guidelines and the government supporting him. Like most of the population of the country I think he was absolutely wrong, he is arrogant and behaves like the child in school who no matter how many rules they break has an excuse and never expects anyone to criticise or bring them to account. The only thing I can say is that Cummings has brought the whole country together, whatever people’s politics or beliefs or class - everyone thinks he was wrong and should resign or be sacked. Going forward I think there will be less adherence to the guidelines by people. I also feel that Boris Johnson has shown that he isn’t actually putting the concerns of the country first, is he actually in charge? It was the last clap for carers last night. For 10 weeks at 8pm on Thursdays we have been on our doorstep clapping or making a noise to say thank you for all those who have kept us safe and cared for us during the pandemic. It does seem the right time to stop as we are opening things up a little now, but as I am still trying to stay home as much as I can, I will miss it. It did more than just show support for the NHS and beyond, it meant that everyone living in our street saw each other. We would smile and wave, check who was out this week and be community; I was a bit emotional last night. As this pandemic has swept through the UK there has been a lot written about it from all angles, but the most moving things I have read and seen on TV have been the stories of individual hospitals and how they have coped. There was a gut wrenching article with photos a few weeks ago about one hospital, I was born there and worked there for the summer I left school, it has seen many deaths. I have such admiration for the staff, not just nurses and Drs, but porters, catering and cleaning staff, admin teams and allied health professionals. Yes, to care is their job, but we have asked much more than this of these people and they have given everything - in some cases they have given their lives. What comes through in all of this is that they have been stretched beyond what they thought they were capable of and not just looked after patients, they have given dignity and extraordinary care to people who are at the end of their lives in many

cases. Nobody would blame them for saying they were too busy to hold the hand of someone who was dying, but they did that and so much more. As I watch and read I wonder, as the pressure for the moment starts to ease, how are they feeling? Is it now it starts to affect their mental health as they start to try and process things? Are they worrying how they will step up and do it all again if there is a second wave? The UK needs to love and care for these people and cherish them in the coming months and years. Next Monday some children will go back to school. My year 1 granddaughter will not be able to start until 15th June, if my daughter decides to send her, her school is staggering restarting. We are also able to meet outside with people from another household up to 6 in number, shops are planning to reopen in the next weeks. Am I happy? The true answer is no - I am fearful. I do understand we can’t stay home forever and we have to start relaxing restrictions, but is it too soon? I do have a science background, but am in no way an expert. I look at the opening up and see so many ways the virus can start to spread again. Yesterday they launched the track and trace service, if this is efficient and runs in conjunction with testing which produces results in 24 hours we stand a chance of stopping the spread. However I am not convinced that Serco who are running track and trace can get it right and some people’s tests are taking up to a week for results. Everyone needs to step up and work to the top of their ability. And if people are asked to quarantine for 14 days, will they? Some won’t, the poorest won’t be able to afford it - they will get less than £100 per week from sick pay; if you are poor you don’t have a buffer to survive 2 weeks of this and what if it happens again? I may be wrong and it will work - history and hindsight will tell you reading this what happened.

June 2020

Beginning of June 2020 So what has the beginning of June brought? The first thing has been garden visits for up to 6 people. On 1st June we went to visit our son and his family in their garden. It was wonderful and such a relief. They have been shielding and we haven’t been out so were not concerned that the 3 and 4 year old children wanted to cuddle. We didn’t kiss them or face to face cuddle, but they did climb on our laps and wanted to be held or both squash on my lap to row the boat! They took us around the garden they had created from scratch during lockdown, it is glorious - lots of food growing for later in the summer. Rebecca, age 4 has her own section which she has beautifully weeded. We met their chickens which are happily scratching around the garden. It was an idyllic afternoon and the first sign of normality for us. Yes, behind this we all have things we continue to be concerned over - money, Rebecca’s health (she is awaiting an MRI which may not happen for months), when will the children be able to start school and nursery? But for now I am content that we can meet up occasionally in a garden and just be together. During the week we met up with our other children, a garden visit with the eldest and her girls who were so good at social distancing and a walk with the youngest and her son who was in the pushchair. Both were wonderful, but then we realised as Rebecca is shielding we then have to leave 7 clear days after seeing the other families before we can go back to see our son, just in case we pick the virus up. So now we have to plan seeing them in succession so we leave the shortest time between our visits.

Other people are really getting back to normal, going out more, going to garden centres, looking forward to more shops opening etc, but we are still cautious. So far the track and trace seems not to be working; in fact it seems to be no longer mentioned much in the media. I heard this week an ex colleague is working as one of the clinical members of this 2 days a week and so far has had nobody to contact at all. I still feel that this needs to be working well before anything like normality returns. New Zealand is covid -19 clear! It can be done, but here the death toll still rises, not so fast but still going up. 16th June 2020 The second week of June has given us more garden visits; we saw all 3 of our children and their families in 2 days over the weekend. This time our youngest and her husband came to visit in our garden with William who is now 13 months old. He was rather wary of us as he hasn’t been close to anyone except Mum and Dad for 3 months, but he played happily on the grass. He was too young last summer to do anything but lay on a rug in the garden and I was beginning to fear he wouldn’t get to play out there this year, so to see him enjoying himself was an absolute treat. In normal times the family often meets up at our house on Fridays, as it is a day off for one of our girls and the other starts work at 3pm. In the holidays we have the eldest grandchildren and my son and his family come over if they can. On sunny days we all sit outside and the children play and scream and shout and throw toys everywhere. It is so strange to see in our messages on Messenger to each other that everyone is really missing this, they all long for all the 5 young ones to be able to play together in Nana’s garden. I would have thought they would be missing other things, maybe the freedom to just pop to the shops or go to the beach or visit a National Trust property (a family favourite for us all), but it turns out our garden is the thing! Yesterday my 6 year old granddaughter went back to school! She was frightened, when we saw her on Sunday she wasn’t happy and she finally told her mum that it was fear. However when she got there she went in. I am so proud of her. I realised we are asking a lot of our young children to return to school at the moment. In Katie’s case she is going in via the teacher’s entrance, so it is all unfamiliar and for the first time her mum isn’t taking her to the classroom door. And of course the children have been at home for almost 3 months because there is a bug that is killing people, then they are being told to go back to school and although they can see things are different with distancing and only a few children in each class we just expect children of 4, 5 and 6 years old to get on with it. No wonder she was scared, she really is a brave girl for going in. That left my daughter, Sarah, at home with the 8 year old to try and get some schoolwork done. There is no mention from her school about a return date, so we all think it will be September. Sarah has now been furloughed, so she can give the girls her full attention. They are both very bright so we don’t have concerns about their learning. Sarah’s furlough came as a big surprise as she had been home working for 11 weeks and to be honest struggling to work 4 hours a day, as she had the girls at home too. She had however done a lot of work preparing for next academic year and answering student’s emails, she works in a university library. The furlough has been backdated to 23rd March so her employer has had 11 weeks of

work from her and now the country is picking up the bill, this does not seem either ethical or legal. I wonder how many other companies are claiming things they shouldn’t have? My youngest daughter is struggling to work from home with William to care for as well. She is a university administrator and is trying to prepare for examination boards where all the students' marks are discussed and ratified so they can get their marks for the year. I too used to do admin for boards at a different university, so I know how easy it is to make a mistake with marks if you are not concentrating. How she has got to the point where everything is ready for a board today I don’t know when she is trying to pull everything together remotely and deal with her little one who is full of beans. I really admire her hard work and am so proud of her. Fortunately her husband has today off so she can concentrate on the online meeting and recording decisions. If he hadn’t been able to do this I think we would have had to take William for the day even though it is not allowed. 28th June 2020 Places of worship are still waiting for updated guidance on how they are allowed to open and what precautions we must take. So no decisions can be made yet and I hear that lots of church leaders are not keen to rush into opening up churches just because we can. The church is so much more than a building which people go to once a week. The church is the people and most of us have found a way to worship while at home and are happy to carry on with that a while longer. The last few days the news has been full of overcrowded beaches, parties on inner city streets and fights. It seems a proportion of the people of England have decided as things are changing from 4th July they will just do what they feel like now. With decreasing numbers of people dying and being admitted to hospital, I guess they feel invincible or that the danger has gone and of course such hot weather hasn’t helped. However they have left so much mess on the beach, rubbish that someone has had to clear up. In some places a lack of open toilets has meant human waste left on the beach. Those cleaning up must feel they are putting their lives at risk. What do I feel about this? Well, I certainly am not going anywhere with lots of people for a good while yet. However just because I don’t mix with others it doesn’t mean I can’t be affected by this. If the R number goes up again and lockdown is put back on then I will be affected. I am wondering just what I will think if that happens, I have stayed home and desperately missed my family for 14 ½ weeks now and can see if cases continue to fall that we can get back to the family all being able to see each other at the same time; the 5 grandchildren could play together. But, if that prospect starts to look further away because of the selfish behaviour of people I will be so unhappy. I want to keep positive because that keeps us going, but I am well aware nothing is certain now. Our wider family have just been getting on with living their new lives now. Our Year 1 granddaughter has done 2 weeks back at school now and seems very settled. Her Mum has been busy sewing new clothes for both the girls, this is not a new thing, but as she is furloughed she has more time, so there seem to be almost daily photos posted on Facebook of new dresses, playsuits and trousers. The others are gardening, playing, getting up to all the normal things that pre-school children do. Facebook and Messenger keep us in touch and provide much amusement over videos and comments on what the

children are doing and saying. We have a Messenger group for us all and some days we have a couple of hours of ‘conversation’, it isn't like being all together, but does keep us all connected. What would this have been like with just a telephone? It doesn’t bear thinking about. 29th June 2020 The updated places of worship guidance was published today. We should use 2 meter spacing in the building so have ordered some tape to stick on the floor to mark this out. Ideally the maximum number should be 30 at a service, but with the spacing we can only accommodate 26, so we will have to work out how to police this, maybe 2 services. There can be one singer only if we use a screen, but how do we stop the congregation singing along, so no singing I think. And laughing and shouting is to be discouraged. We have a lot of older people who struggle to hear so with 2 meter distancing this will be difficult, as will getting everyone to leave straight after the service. So lots to think about and a big decision to make. I went out for a walk this morning which was good, it’s a blustery day but dry. On my way to the park the pavement is narrow and fortunately there weren’t many other people around, but those that were paid no attention to social distancing. As someone who is vulnerable I didn’t feel comfortable. I know that there are far fewer cases in the South East at the moment, but I feel much happier when people keep a good distance away. It is like someone has said, “fine, that’s it, do what you want there is nothing to worry about.” If this continues it will effectively imprison the vulnerable back in their homes while everyone else gets on with things. One good thing this morning though, I had a long talk with a neighbour I hadn’t spoken to before. The combination of being retired (me) and tutoring stopping (him) has meant we had time to do more than just nod and say hello. Yesterday Boris Johnson announced that from 4th July pubs, hairdressers and places of worship will be able to reopen. While we should still try to keep 2 meters apart the new rule is 1 meter plus… What do I think? I continue to be cautious, obviously we have good reason to be this way, trying to shield a grandchild. So I won’t be off to the pub, our hairdresser comes to our home so I am waiting to hear from her; if she has things in place to avoid transmission then we may suggest she cuts our hair in the garden. As a church leader I am involved with the rest of the team trying to decide what is best for our church with this new announcement. So far the government hasn’t updated their guidance on places of worship on the website, but they have said that singing in church isn’t allowed and it seems to be a maximum of 30 people attending a service. With the 2 meter distancing this would be about our maximum number anyway. We are not expecting to resume services at the beginning of July, but do have a lot to think about. Practically there would be giving the building a good clean before we open as we haven’t had the cleaner in since March, also making a one way in and out system. Then comes the bigger problem of opening up, but knowing that we have a large percentage of over 70s in the congregation who ideally shouldn’t come along, but they are lonely and will feel it is their duty to come every week. We will work it out and I only hope we take the right decisions.

The local Street Pastor group are based at our church, as it is just off Tenville High Street. With pubs reopening they are also considering what they should do. Both myself and my husband used to be part of the group, going out from 10pm to 4am on Saturday night to engage with everyone out having a good time, helping the drunk, making sure everyone was safe and giving out flip flops to young ladies who had taken off their high heels and generally being the church on the streets, but never preaching. They want to go out now for a shorter time on Saturdays, as the nightclub isn’t allowed to reopen yet there will be no need for a 4am finish. We will facilitate them using the building, even if the church isn’t opened. As far as family goes we have had more garden visits, everyone is well and the glorious weather helps this. From 4th July we can do indoor visits to another household, but still need to social distance. This is good as we will need to take William, the littlest grandchild for Lisa for a couple of afternoons, but first we will have to spend some time with both of them, as when he was let out of his pushchair on a walk with his Mum and us, he was very scared of us and clung to his Mum. It has been over 3 months since we looked after him, cuddled him, fed him or played with him. I doubt he remembers any of that. When we look at our 5 grandchildren I can see each one of them has changed in behaviour over this time. I hope they won’t have long lasting mental health issues from this, but it is a possibility.

July 2020 This has been a month of great changes with all sorts of places opening up, places of worship, pubs and restaurants, and at the end of the month gyms and swimming pools. Each new thing brought more guidance on how it should be done. Yesterday (24th July) wearing a face covering came in for shops and takeaways. So what do I think? I think the face coverings are a good idea, they don’t protect you, but do protect others if you are unwittingly spreading the virus. But to be of value they need to actually cover both nose and mouth, this seems to be beyond some people. I'm still not going to shops so it doesn’t affect me yet, but I have been to the pharmacy for my prescription and happily wore one there. Maybe I am being unduly cautious, but I don’t feel like going out much. None of our children are out and about much either. My son may have some work this week but it is just installing some equipment and will be in a safe environment and will not involve mixing with others. The events industry is not opening until 1st October at the earliest so any small jobs he can do are welcome. The changes for us as a family are not huge but have made such a difference to us all. Three of our grandchildren had phone consultations with their paediatricians and Rebecca who was shielding has now been told that that amount of cautiousness is not necessary, they should just be careful with her and make sure she doesn't go to crowded places. So we have now taken both my daughters and their families to see their brother and his family. The two daughters have met up in our garden and next week we hope to get everyone into one garden together. It has been so lovely to see the cousins reunited and playing together. We are a close family and the grandchildren are normally very much a part of each other's lives as we all live fairly close, so this to us is a real step back to normality.

The reintroduction of lockdown in Leicester must have been a huge blow to people who live there and is a warning to the rest of the country. Other towns and areas look as if it may happen to them too. I fear that this could well be the way of things until the vaccine is in use. We haven’t opened church again yet. It has had a deep clean and signage and a one way system are in place ready. We will take the decision at the beginning of August about a date to open. On 31st July we finally got all 3 of our children and all 5 grandchildren together in our son’s garden. It was a swelteringly hot day so we sat in the shade and the children played, the older 4 pairing up into pairs and little William, now 15 months just wandering around playing with things as he felt the need. Just before coming home there was great fun with a blow up pineapple which connects to the hose and sprays water. All 5 grandchildren were soaked and the laughter and screams of joy are what summer is all about. It was almost as if nothing was wrong in the world. By the time we were leaving there was a little niggle going on, we had seen that some of the relaxation of lockdown that was due on 1st August was being postponed as infection rates are rising slightly. The announcement says that for now we have gone as far as we can towards normality and if we want to stay as we are now we need to stick to being cautious. The new slogan is: “hands, face, space”. I feel a little like I did back in March when we realised we wouldn’t be able to see the family for what we thought was a few weeks - apprehensive and sad. Are we going to go backwards and no longer be able to meet up? It could happen, I really don’t know how our family would cope with that. We now have an added complication as my oldest daughter (Sarah) is going back to work in a university library on 10th August and we are providing child care for the 6 and 8 year olds twice a week until the end of the holidays. They are no problem, can stay fairly distanced and don’t hug and kiss, but we won’t be going out for days as we usually do. However, if she is now working, will the rest of the family want to meet up? Every new contact with someone outside our family adds to the risk and the decisions we all are making as to what is sensible to do. My husband hasn’t yet been to see his mother (94) who lives in an assisted living flat, but he is thinking of starting to go again. His older sister has been visiting and not going out and about to avoid taking the virus to Mum, so again decisions to be made once Sarah is back at work. What a journey this continues to be!

August 2020

Our church and covid-19

I am one of five leaders at our church, none of us has any formal, academic training in church leadership. We have all been elected by the congregation to serve as elders in the church. Until 9 years ago the church had a paid minister, but since the retirement of the last one the denomination we belong to hasn’t found anyone to serve in this role for us, so the five of us are running the church now.

Our congregation on a Sunday is usually between 30 and 50 people. The building however is used most days of the week for ballet lessons, quilting sessions, art classes, a choir and many other things so is part of a thriving community.

As the start of March came this year we began to make plans for how the church should respond to the growing threat of covid-19. We advised everyone not to hug or shake hands and please not to come along on Sundays if they felt unwell. We bought extra boxes of tissues, new pedal bins with lids to dispose of tissues and kept reminding people to wash their hands. We tried to buy a couple of large bottles of hand gel, but were informed they couldn’t tell us when they would be available as the stock had run out - we had thought we were reacting early, but others obviously had the same idea.

Sunday 15th March was the last time we held a service before lockdown. On Sunday 22nd March, the day before lockdown started we held a prayer meeting instead of a service for anyone who wanted to attend, but as many in our fellowship are elderly there were only 7 or 8 people there.

Once lockdown was announced the five of us elders had to work out what we would do to keep the church going when we could no longer meet. Some big churches with young congregations immediately took their services online either on Facebook or YouTube or even on their own websites, they held Zoom Bible studies and prayer meetings. This wasn’t really an option for us as at least 50% of our congregation doesn’t own a smartphone or laptop or tablet and has never used the internet. If we put something online we would be dividing the church into the online congregation and the older people, we were not prepared to do that.

Firstly we decided to divide the members of the congregation up so each elder had their people who they would check in with regularly to give pastoral care and a listening ear or just to find out how they were doing. This has mostly worked well, at first we tried to speak weekly, but now in many cases it is less often as people are more busy.

A WhatsApp group was set up for all those with Smartphones who wanted to join and since the start we have used that everyday with one elder putting on a daily Bible reading with a short reflection for us to start to day and then I have put up a focus for prayer for the day. To start with the prayers were all covid-19 related - for the NHS, people who were sick or bereaved, for key workers etc. As time has gone on it has changed; one day a week I focus on a charity for prayer, one day a different country and on Sunday we give thanks in our prayers for all God has done for us.

We realised that while this group was essential to keeping some of us in touch, we had to do something for everyone so we started a weekly covid newsletter. It lists the prayers for the previous week, so everyone knows what we are and have been praying for. We have had news from various members of the church family and each week one of the elders writes some sort of reflective Bible based piece. This newsletter is emailed to those who have email or printed and posted to those who don’t, our church administrator has been wonderful and has worked from home throughout this period.

Our monthly elder’s meeting has become a video meeting, which we soon adapted to and in between these meetings we keep in contact all the time by email or phone. It definitely isn’t the same as meeting together in one room as varying internet connections can lead to delays and poor quality video or freezing of the whole thing, but we have managed to discuss all that we need to.

So September 6th will be the first service post lockdown. All our church family have been written to about this and for those with long term health conditions or who are over 70 we have suggested that they don’t attend for now. However we can’t stop people, it is now up to each of us to make our own decisions on what we do and don’t do. Due to the size of the hall and distancing only 26 people can attend, so we have asked that they let the administrator know if they are intending to attend, so if that number is likely to be exceeded the congregation can be split and the service run twice with time for cleaning in between.

For now only 2 of the 5 elders will be able to attend, the others come into the vulnerable groups. Instead of our usual 1 hour 15minute plus service the new service will be less than an hour. There can be no singing, so it will be different.

The church has been prepared, cleaned and we are planning to put an audio file of the services onto our website or copy onto CD for those who can’t attend. We have had to make it clear what can and can’t be done, so the following was part of our letter to the church family:

“We are sure none of you want to put anyone else’s life are risk, so if you attend worship we expect you all to adhere to the following:

• Do not attend if you have any of the symptoms of covid-19 or have been asked to self isolate by the NHS Test and Trace service. • Please arrive no more than 10 minutes before the meeting is due to start • Please take care to observe 2m social distancing before, during and after the service.  • Enter through the main front door and exit through the rear fire exit. • You are required to wear a face covering at all times, we have a small number of masks available for any visitors. • There is a one way system in place inside the church.

Enter the worship area via the first set of doors and exit by the doors near the kitchen.

If you need to come back into the worship area, you will need to walk down the corridor and enter again via the first set of doors.

• You will be asked to use anti-bacterial hand gel as you enter the building. • You will be directed to a designated chair in the church upon entering the worship area by one of the elders, and we would ask you to be amenable about this. 

This is necessary to accommodate everyone within the limited amount of space available to us. 

We understand people will be excited to see one another, but you must remain in your seat and not wander around the room before or after the service. 

• There will not be any newsletters, these will still be sent out via email or posted to those not on email. • We are not allowed to sing with our voices (only with our hearts!).  However, there may be music played over the P.A. system with the words projected onto the screen.

Note, that if people start to sing along we will have to turn the music off

• If you wish to use a Bible you will need to bring your own, as there won’t be any Bibles or hymn books for you to use in the church. • We encourage online giving. 

However, where this is not an option, cash will be collected in the plates.  You can put your money in the plate as you enter or leave the building, but the one way system should be observed.

• If possible, we would ask you to avoid using the toilets.  However, they will be open for people to use. 

Please use the spray disinfectant available to sanitise the cistern handle and toilet area after use. 

Throwaway blue roll is provided which must be disposed of in the bin. 

Children must be accompanied by an adult to ensure procedures are followed.

• The Prayer Room, Room 2, the Crèche and the kitchen will be out of use. If you want to bring your own drink – water/tea/coffee, then please do. • There will be no refreshments served after the meeting.  • Neither will we be observing Communion for the time being.

However, if you would like to receive Communion at home an Elder would be happy to do this.

• We will endeavour to open windows and doors to maximise ventilation.  Therefore, you may wish to consider putting on something warm if it is cold.

• A risk assessment is available for you to read, should you wish too. • We are obliged to keep a record of those attending services for a period of time to assist NHS Test and Trace if one of the congregation becomes unwell after visiting the church. You may be asked upon entering to provide your details if the church doesn’t already have them. • Unfortunately we are not allowed to provide transport to those who may require it. 

If you want to attend, but need transport, you will need to ask someone within your social bubble.

• Please leave the building and car park immediately after the service.”

This is quite a list and I think will be daunting for many. Most of it is common sense, but after so long apart people may forget how they should behave. Our church family is just that, a family; we all know each other really well and just like when we were able to meet up with our biological family again we don’t want to forget how we should behave.

How long will this go on? None of us know the answer. Currently in our area of Basswick the number of infections is very low, but if it rises will we need to think about how we meet again? Then we have the question which many in offices and other situations, not just churches, will have to address, as the weather gets colder how will people feel about having the windows open?

As we journey through this pandemic, we face new questions and problems all the time. I have often over the last 5 months thought of the people of the village of Eyam in Derbyshire who in 1665 locked down their village when the plague arrived and stayed isolated until it died out. We visited there two years ago and it was a selfless act they all took and I admire them for that. But in our modern society that solution hasn’t been possible, we have only taken steps to slow the spread and protect the weakest. We are as a world now putting our faith in science to come up with a vaccine as soon as it can, in the meantime we make decisions for ourselves about what we will and won’t do and governments make other decisions on our behalf. I am sure with hindsight in 25 or 50 years history will report and discuss which were the wise and which the foolish courses of action.

September 2020

So September is here and as I am writing the weather outside is windy and dismal and it is cold. However, early September was glorious and that was great for children returning to school.

My two oldest granddaughters went back happily to their classes with changes to start and finish times and for the 6 year old the class being kept in a bubble, while the 8 year old is in a year bubble. In the 3 weeks since they went back there have been a number of changes due to new guidance being sent out, so they both go to school in PE kit two days a week and wear this all day so they don’t have to change at school. Generally however things have been working OK. My son’s children both have started in education, one in reception at Primary school and the other at Nursery school so everything is different for them anyway. They seem happy. However, all 4 of the children got a cold in the first week back, we were amazed at how quickly it happened. It shows how small children can’t distance well and how difficult it is for us to be rid of microorganisms from the population even if we have a period of lockdown. It was not until 23rd September that a letter from Test and Trace came out to parents explaining when children will need a covid-19 test, so I think some of the chaos regarding booking a testing appointment in the last few weeks was caused by parents wanting a test for children with symptoms of a cold or by schools demanding a negative test before they will allow children back in when all they had was a cold. We have just passed the 6 month anniversary of the start of lockdown and it looks as if the second wave is gathering momentum. In the last few weeks, daily positive cases have risen every day. The current estimate is that numbers are doubling every 7 days. This increase is greater in certain areas like the whole of the north of England, South Wales and some areas in Scotland. Living in the South East our case numbers are rising slowly at the moment, but London is now on the list for concern. Local lockdowns or increased restrictions have been introduced to many areas and it is estimated that by the end of the weekend (27th September) a quarter of the UK population will be under greater restrictions. So what do I think about this? In some ways it was inevitable, a pandemic always seems to come in waves and it was expected that there would be a second wave in the autumn as the weather changed and we spent more time indoors as viruses like covid-19 spread easier in these circumstances. However the

second wave at this time doesn't seem to be because of a change in weather it has started too early. It is because people haven’t stuck to social distancing and have met up almost as normal thinking life was getting back to normal. Once the pubs and restaurants opened and in August people were urged to go back to work so many people forgot about the killer in our midst. I find this understandable, but am cross, well actually I am more than cross, the economy has been put ahead of health. I understand that many businesses in cities that serviced the workers haven’t been seeing any customers as offices etc have been almost empty and nobody has been going out to grab a coffee or lunch. However many people are now comfortable and indeed more productive working from home so don’t actually want to go back to commuting every day of the week. Apart from seeing my children and grandchildren the only place I have been in 6 months is to the pharmacy to collect my prescriptions and for a flu jab. I haven’t seen my mother in law or friends or gone back to church. I am vulnerable, but I don’t feel afraid of the virus, I just want to do all in my power to stop the spread. If everyone in the UK thought that way we wouldn’t be seeing almost 7000 new infections a day. I am really worried we will soon be banned from mixing households again. The time when we couldn’t visit the children and see the grandchildren was OK in some ways as we needed to do it, but now the thought fills me with dread. I don’t want to have to wave at the little ones from the street or try to have a video chat with them and I am now back providing childcare for the youngest (17 months) once a week as my daughter has been working from home and trying to look after him at the same time. This wasn’t too bad when he was 11 months old and had a couple of naps a day and occupied himself with his toys, but now he is a tall 17 month old child who needs things to do and to go out and about and he naps less and gets cross and shouts if he can’t get what he wants. He is a typical little boy and my daughter will go back into the office next week one day a week from now on. If grandparents are banned from childcare how will she cope? Half term is coming up in a few weeks, the older ones will need some childcare too, but my other daughter can’t really make plans as she doesn’t know what the situation will be by then. It is just more uncertainty, with employers expecting their employees to work as normal. Both my daughters work in a university (we have 4 universities in the Medway Towns) and of course outbreaks are occurring among many student populations at the moment, so everything is up in the air! So looking back over the last 6 months I can see some good things which happened in lockdown:

• Clear skies, less traffic, less noise • A feeling of community and hope that after covid there would be a new normal where people looked out for each other • Getting to know neighbours, with distanced chats in the street or over the fence • A new appreciation of my garden and being fortunate to have one • Birdsong - who knew they were so loud! • The local council stopped mowing grass verges and suddenly we had wildflowers

So have they lasted? The answer is mostly, no. I still chat to the neighbours which is good and I have the garden. Traffic however is getting back to pre-covid-19 levels especially with children back at school as the buses are crammed at school run time so many parents are driving their children if they can. The idea that we look out for each other seems long gone as evidenced by people’s behaviour in ignoring distancing. How do I feel at this stage? Not optimistic, I can see more jobs being lost, more hardship for families, more spread of the virus and more of the media saying things should have been done differently. On a personal level I am grateful so far the family are all well, our youngest granddaughter, is no longer classed as needing to shield, but both her and her brother are vulnerable. My son has no real prospect of regular work until the Spring, he has done a couple of odd days work here and there, but there are just no events in the pipeline for the foreseeable future and with more restrictions coming in the day when we can go to a concert or a conference seems further than ever away. So I worry about him and his family, we continue to help them out, but his mental health is very poor.

In the early days of lockdown, Rebecca and Arthur sent me these lifesized pictures of themselves. Rebecca has an extra big smile to cheer Nana up and Arthur, a lover of a backstory, is covered in bandages as he had a couple of small cuts on his legs. I had thought I would take them down (they are up in our living room) once we could see them again, but I will keep them there until we can all be back together as normal. It isn’t normal to not cuddle your grandchildren or sit them really close for a story. The cool weather makes thoughts turn to Christmas, our family have already decided that we won’t be together. If we don’t plan for it, we won’t be disappointed. Christmas is a big thing for us, it is also one of the times of year we have lots of birthdays, so we have several get-togethers normally on different days. Let’s hope by Christmas 2021 things will be different. As I finish the last of these pieces for the project I am not feeling optimistic. I think we are in for an increasingly difficult time, where we all blame someone else for what is going on and can’t seem to focus on getting through this. As a Christian my prayer for the UK is that we all work together, for the good of the whole population and nobody would be damaged by this mentally, health wise or financially. It really is time to adopt a new normal.

October- December 2020 I am writing this with just a few days of 2020 left. I wish I was able to write an upbeat, positive reflection of the last 4 months since the project finished; but I can’t.

The current situation is that there are large parts of England in Tier 4 - we aren’t supposed to leave home except for education, essential shopping and health reasons or to work if we can’t work from home. We had no household mixing for Christmas, so all plans changed for millions of people at the last minute. We spent the week before Christmas doing doorstep drops of presents to our children. Christmas Day was so quiet, not the usual chaos of huge piles of presents and ripped wrapping paper. We did have a great lunch and there wasn’t the usual mound of washing up to do, so there were some plus points.

So what happened between September and Christmas? Well, cases kept rising slowly during October, with the South East slowly creeping up and by December the rate was just skyrocketing. The rate per 100 000 people in Medway on 22nd September was 14.7, and by December 15th it was 931.9. There have been a number of times the rate was the highest in the country, not something to be proud of. There has been a new variant of the virus spreading from Basswick, supposedly, which is far more infectious.

So in the autumn months we did see all the family, not together as a group and always with an assessment in the back of your mind as to what was the risk and should I be doing this? We did manage to have each separate family over and have a Sunday roast with them, in the back of my mind I had thought then that we may not be able to have Christmas together. We have continued to have William over at least one day per week, sometimes two while his Mum works from home and we are classed as in a childcare bubble with them, but this means we cannot help our other daughter or son with childcare for their families.

As rates began to climb and restrictions increased we went for lots of walks rather than visit inside. Our son lives in the countryside so muddy walks along the farm track and round the orchard were a frequent occurrence. These visits became precious.

November brought Lockdown 2, not quite as severe as the first and schools and universities remained open. After working in a small flat with an ever more energetic toddler this was about to be the final straw for our youngest daughter, so she came with her husband and William to live with us for 4 weeks. We provided childcare downstairs here while she worked in the bedroom, 4 days a week. It worked well. William loved the freedom of more space and Nana taking him for walks while Mummy worked, we split the week up so one family or the other cooked for everyone; meaning we all got a bit of a break. The house was full of toys and mess and so many things were either moved to the top of shelves or barricaded in so little fingers couldn’t reach, but boy did it seem quiet when they left.

Our oldest granddaughter had 14 days quarantine when her school bubble had an infection, but she was fine. It took some organising to be able to get her younger sister to school as it was in Lockdown 2 and we couldn’t help. My daughter had minimal support from the manager of the university library over taking a mixture of annual leave and home working during this period. However it did mean when some library staff became infected, Sarah hadn’t been in contact with them. In general the library manager hasn’t been supportive of the staff who have been working on site; students have consistently ignored rules on mask wearing and distancing, removing masks once they are in the library and moving furniture to sit in groups. When Sarah spoke to the manager about this, she was told she was mistaken - it seems keeping the students sweet and their money coming in is more important than staff lives. The one decision I am

amazed at is that in Tier 4 it was deemed OK to open the library in the Christmas holidays, something which they have never done before, and staffed by student workers. These sorts of decisions are only adding to the escalating cases in the area.

Our son has been fortunate to have quite a few days of work in the autumn, not exactly his usual work, but very welcome. Some TV work on rugby and football programmes, running a virtual studio and installing an audio system in a local distillery who are opening a restaurant.

Our church which had been open with social distancing, restricted numbers and no singing from September closed again in Lockdown 2 and despite legally being allowed to open now we have decided given the rate of infection we will stay closed. We wanted to ensure everyone felt remembered so bought a small advent calendar with Bible verses for each family and set about delivering them in November. For the walking distance houses my husband and I walked to deliver, getting some much needed exercise at the same time. We also bought a small gift for each of the church children.

We have had some cases of covid among our church family. One 16 year old took 4 or 5 weeks to be well enough to go back to school, dispelling the myth for a lot of us that young people all get it mildly. We unfortunately had our first covid death on 23rd December, a man in his late 50s with underlying health problems who caught the virus in the local hospital when he went in with a broken hip.

We did our first Zoom service on the Sunday before Christmas which seemed to go well, but we are all aware that quite a number of our church family don’t have the technology to join this. It is a dilemma, how to keep people feeling like part of the family when they can’t join in with what everyone else is doing.

Looking forward to 2021 everyone I am in touch with is hoping for a better year. The things we long for is to hug each other, go out for coffee/a pint/a meal with friends and family. I would love to sit squashed on my settee with all 5 grandchildren pushing and shoving each other and laughing together. I don’t actually know when this will be on the cards, but am hopeful by the summer it may be possible.

The dark days of winter have not done a lot to help people’s mental health, I am a lot more emotional and some days am rather down. I know it will pass, but hearing reports that our local hospital is now having to send desperately sick covid patients to other parts of the UK as they are full doesn’t help to keep me positive. I have had 2 weeks break from sending out my daily prayer focus to our church WhatsApp group, I will restart tomorrow morning with praying for the NHS. It needs every bit of support, encouragement and prayer we can muster as a country.

When this is read again sometime in the future I wonder what will be made of it. Maybe you will think we as a nation did things wrong or our leaders did - hindsight is a wonderful thing. I hope you recognise the heroes of this pandemic - the NHS staff, key workers, teachers, transport staff, emergency services and those who volunteered to help others. Maybe you will question if you could cope with a lockdown and all it entails - the answer is yes, you could if you had to. It may have been over 100 years since the Spanish flu decimated the population of the world, but don’t forget this can happen again at any time, life is precious, family and friends are important, not material things!

February 2021

This month has seen some more positive moments for us. Both my husband and I have had our first covid vaccination. George got his a few weeks before me and was fine with it, he had the Pfizer one. Mine was on Monday of this week, I got the Oxford Astra Zeneca one and had a few hours of severe chills and a banging headache after. It wasn’t pleasant, but so worth it to think that at the end of May I will have had both doses and be fully protected. Already I feel that in a few weeks time I could maybe go out to a garden centre, obviously wearing my mask and social distancing and buy some things for the garden. I haven’t been anywhere at all except the pharmacy since the first week of March 2020, as I am classed as vulnerable.

The government is warning us however not to forget to be careful, with 20 million people vaccinated already it is easy to think we are all safe to go back to our old ways, but there are still 40 million + people who are not protected. The daily number of new infections has fallen, but deaths each day are still in the hundreds. Just like summer 2020 we need to be cautious, we have seen how quickly and easily infections can rise again. Last week it was announced that schools will open from 8th March and today we have heard that twice weekly tests will be available for families, including those of primary school children. The plans and proposed dates that have been laid out are far more cautious than in summer 2020. Hopefully the dates will be stuck to, but if not it will be for good reason, to prevent another rise in num bers. I know it will be difficult to wait, everyone I know is just ready to get out again and meet with the people we have missed.

As February ends the sun has come out, the weather has really been great this past week. I have tidied up the front garden and spoken to neighbours. Everyone in our street is very aware that we are still supposed to remain at home apart from exercise or work. I can hear in conversations the need for more contact with others, we are all done with this now.

As a family we have come to realise the toll the 3 lockdown has had on the elderly. There is a lot in the press about people in old people’s homes and how hard it has been for them and undoubtedly that is true; they have missed contact with family. However, for older people who live in their own home’s it has been much harder.

They have been able to bubble with another family member, but for many it has been mostly an isolated experience. My mother in law (age 94) lives in an assisted living flat, it is one of many flats in the building for the elderly. There is a manager and in what my eldest daughter calls ‘the before times’, Mum could go to the onsite restaurant to eat with other residents or meet up in the communal lounge, collect her library books from the visiting library man or go along to music evenings etc. Since March 2020 these things have been stopped. Meals are delivered to the flat door if they are ordered and visitors to the building are discouraged.

My sister in law has been going in a few times a week to see Mum, for company and to change her bed and collect the washing, as the cleaner who was doing this is no longer allowed in. We fortunately were able to set Mum up with a Portal, so we can video call her, but when we are all stuck indoors there is only so much we can chat about! In the last few weeks it has become apparent just what effect this isolation has had, Mum has been very down and not motivated to do much. We had also all missed just how unwell she had become, she is now in hospital as she has a number of things wrong which were hidden as we thought she was down and just not eating or drinking properly.

Having someone in hospital throws up new problems. It has been so difficult for us to get any information from staff on her condition. Often the phone isn’t answered or we are told there is no Dr available to talk to us. We did eventually get to talk to a very helpful Dr. Hospitals have introduced Zoom calls for families, but we found on Friday this was very rushed. It was long enough to see her and explain where her spare hearing aid batteries were in her purse, but that was it. We also have to see if she will need more help when she is discharged. She spent time in hospital at Christmas and when discharged was told she must quarantine at home for 10 days, so if she needs help at home that will mean someone will have to quarantine with her for that period.

We have lost our second member of the church family to covid-19. He had underlying health problems, but it doesn’t make it easy for the family. One of the other elders is taking the funeral this time. We have begun to think about opening the church again and how we remember all those who we have lost to covid - 19 or something else during this time. So many of us have had friends or family pass away and we haven’t been to the funeral, it would be good to mark these lives and losses somehow.

March 2021

9 March 2021

Well, the first week of March has been a bit different, I have been in isolation since the start of the month. I spent the afternoon on 27th February tidying the front garden and my neighbour was in hers. We both had our phones with us, and she stayed distanced as she knew she had been in contact with someone who had subsequently been hospitalised with covid. This was an old lady she cleans for and Test and Trace hadn’t contacted her, but when the lady’s daughter let her know, Pat stayed home in isolation. On 27th she said she had a test booked for 28th, so she could go back to work on the Monday and although she had a bit of a cold she was sure she didn’t have covid. Well, the test came back positive and the covid-19 app on my phone picked up that I was in her proximity for a while and I got notification to isolate for 10 days.

Tomorrow I can go out! There have been a few days in this last week I would have loved to go out for a walk, today is one of them, but I have not broken the isolation. I can understand why some people do, as on Saturday I saw Pat going out - her isolation started from when she began to feel unwell (the so called cold), so seeing her out and me in felt a little unjust. But we all have to do what we are asked to stop this awful virus causing another wave of infection.

Yesterday marked the return to school for children in England. Our three granddaughters returned with varying degrees of enthusiasm, they were last in school the week before Christmas. Our eldest granddaughter, who will be 9 this month, struggles with the social side of school, so for her learning at home was ideal. We have been so impressed with her school, the teacher met with my daughter and Faye last week and suggested she come in early each day this week for breakfast club with the home school support team and just a few children. Apparently yesterday she didn’t eat anything there, but enjoyed the special treatment and today she was going to join in with the food. Her sister is at the infants school next door and they put up a flower arch and balloons to welcome the children back.

Our youngest granddaughter is in reception at her village school and she went back dressed up for World Book Day, so was up and raring to go first thing. They also have a visit to the lambs in the village arranged this week and newly hatched chicks in the school. With all these delights, returning to school has gone

well. My oldest grandson went off to nursery too for the first time this year and despite worries about him seems to have settled in well. The various parents are relieved to no longer have to be home schooling. My daughter put this on Facebook ‘The Academy of Half Arsed Home Learning has finally closed its doors, hopefully for good this time!’ I do hope they don’t have to go back to home learning, but I do think she has done herself a disservice there, she has worked so hard to help the girls and we are pretty sure that none of our granddaughters are behind in any way academically. As a Mum and Mum in Law I am very proud of my children and I know just how hard it has been for them.

Having said that, I know that the Mums and children are ready to have space and time apart. My daughter in law said how wonderful it will be to be able to go to the loo without a little one bursting in desperately needing a coat doing up or something sorting!

28 March

Isolation finished for me, and I have been able to go out again. Although I have had my first jab, we are still being cautious, but we have been to the garden centre for plants and compost and also for a very overdue eye test. I have also been to my second funeral this year, the second person we knew who died from covid.

This week has marked one year since Lockdown 1 started, over 126 000 people have now officially died of covid and we are still not really anywhere near getting back to the ‘before times’. In the UK rates are so much lower than they were, but Europe is in a third wave, mostly caused by the Basswick variant of the virus which is more virulent. So even with vaccination rates really high there are still voices of caution from scientists advising the government, as it is possible another new variant could come into the country from larger unvaccinated populations outside the UK. It is possible a new variant could render the current vaccine ineffective. I think this is wise caution, but as we open up I fear the majority of the UK population will forget caution and social distancing and really think it is all over.

From tomorrow we will be able to go back to garden visits - either two households mixing or maximum 6 people. I am looking forward to this so much and I know my oldest two granddaughters are desperate to come to our garden, the last few times I have spoken to them they have asked if they can come over in the Easter holidays! Who would have thought garden visits would get us all so excited?

My mother in law is home from hospital with carers going in and one of my sisters in law is staying with her as she is quite poorly. As a family we need to help Mum to make a decision about her future, so this week we will meet up in a garden (without Mum) and talk through options and how we can help her to be best cared for in the final part of her life. We are fortunate to be able to video chat, but these sorts of decisions really are so hard to discuss when we are not together.

So what has this last year taught me?

● To be thankful for all the blessings I have ● To appreciate nature ● That family is most important to me (I think I knew that already) ● That the good of the community should override individual good

● People are generally more resilient than they think ● Even in the 21st century a microscopically tiny virus can bring the world to its knees, and we should

be prepared better in the future ● Small gestures of kindness can have huge impact ● Hugs and being close to the ones we love are so important ● Living a less busy life is good for me ● To try and be optimistic

30 March

We won’t be having an outside meet up with my sisters in law, as yesterday Mum was taken back into hospital, she was so unwell an ambulance was called. So decisions on her future are on hold. It is her 95th birthday today and my youngest sister in law has been allowed in to visit her. I feel so grateful that this is allowed.

This is the last entry I am writing to go into the archive, I hope for those of you reading it has been interesting. I have to say I have never written anything like this before, I don’t keep a diary or regular journal and have never enjoyed writing; but this has been a really positive experience. The team at University of Swansea have been great and it has meant a lot to feel part of something during this very strange time.

So to those of you reading this in the future and looking on this pandemic as history I can say I haven’t felt as if I have been part of a historical event. I have just been living my life as best as I and my family could through the strangest of times, I suspect it will shape the lives of the family for some time to come and may mean we never live our lives with the certainty we did before. However going forward I feel more determined to try and seize every opportunity presented to me and to make however many years I have left count for something. I had just retired when the pandemic started so life had just changed anyway and I was looking forward to new opportunities, maybe some volunteering and travel; it may be that is what is to come, but I just feel positive for what is to come next. The main thing is to get to the point that we can live with this virus without the cycle of lockdown, release, a new wave and lockdown again.