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Corona Diaries

Eva


"Whatever age I am, I clearly need to feel free and unburdened every once in a while. I feel exhausted but so glad to let out my emotions. And to share my feelings with you, dear diary.”

Female, aged 45-54, self-employed cleaner, living in Wales, White, Married to Ian, one adult daughter Louise. Cares for elderly neighbour, Edith.

 

 

 

Eva “Whatever age I am, I clearly need to feel free and unburdened every once in a while. I feel exhausted but so glad to let out my emotions. And to share my feelings with you, dear diary.” Background Information Female, aged 45-54, self-employed cleaner, living in Wales, White, Married to Ian, one adult daughter Louise. Cares for elderly neighbour, Edith.

March 2020 18th March 2020 COVID seems faraway in London. Visit my parents with an amazon kindle ordered for my dad. He would order his own but he'd rather I risk card fraud and he give me the cash! I set up the kindle and create a Facebook and messenger account. I explain he can facetime his brother in France for free whose face he hasn't seen in 20 years, this swings his agreement. I explain how it all works, then end up writing it all down for him to refer to. Ian tells him leaving the WiFi hub on all the time won't start a fire. We're fighting a losing battle on this. There is much moaning from dad with the kindle and Facebook, but he'll get there. I get home and try facetiming dad. He's unreachable of course. 24th March 2020 Lockdown begins. It’s strange seeing my neighbours not leave for work. There's an excitement in the air, the birds are singing, and I feel good. As I'm self-employed I will carry on working unless the community centre shuts as will Ian. I've still got Edith my neighbour to care for too. I feel envy at my neighbours. Dad facetimes me. Flipping heck! 27th March 2020 Ness needs us to keep cleaning for the time being. Message Edith's daughter who says she won't enter her mums house from now on. God if Edith gets covid it will be from me only. Break news to Edith that the mobile hairdresser can no longer visit. She says I'll have to do it now. Edith's daughter orders curlers from amazon. A new string to my bow beckons. Speak to dad and tell him to cancel his cleaners. My mum screams she's not cancelling them. I'm very annoyed with her when I get off the phone. I ring the cleaners and threaten them with legal action if they don't stop going there. An hour later dad rings me and says the cleaner aren't coming again until lockdown lifts. Result. I add cleaning items to their shopping list. 29th March 2020 Do my shopping and extra loaf in farm foods, only 39p! Come home and offer it on our streets 'desperate housewives' messenger group. No takers, so offer to next door who are in their 80's. Mavis wants it. I charge her a £1. Ian accuses me of profiteering. I put the £1in the Christmas jar out of guilt.

 

 

 

 

Ian and me have a small glass of wine with dinner on our laps while watching the brief at 5pm. We start talking about it and we both feel a bit scared about what we are all facing. So far Wales has been okay-ish but I feel it’s coming. 31st March 2020 It’s a nice day and I want some plants for the garden. B&Q is a no no now. We decide to get bread in Waitrose in Dower because they have nice plants for sale. It’s a quiet drive through countryside and it’s just lovely. Park up at Waitrose and try not to be daunted by the queue. I see plants from the distance and my heart rate increases. Ian waits in the car. I start chatting to a yummy mummy about the farm she lives on, she's very posh and is moaning about home-schooling her children. I relate stories about my daughter coping with that too until she mentions that her kids have ponies. I cannot top that. Anyway, get to the plant trolleys and they have a sale! But I have no trolley, I ring Ian to get out of the car and get me one. He does. My entire trolley is filled with reduced plants even before I enter the shop. The Waitrose staff who are outside spraying trolleys and observing correct COVID etiquette are giving me stinky looks at a trolley full of non-essential goods. I hold my head up and straighten my mask, I will not feel guilty. Then others actually ask the staff if they too are allowed to buy the plants. We are communist China! Get a loaf pay and stash the plants in the boot while the bread lies on the boot shelf looking important in case of police checks on the A48. We agree we won't go to Dower again. Tell my daughter Louise when we get home on facetime. She tells me off and says she worries about my gung-ho attitude. I know she won't complain when I get her hair dye though.

 

April 2020

4th April 2020 I’ve attempted Edith's hair today. Curlers haven't arrived yet and Edith’s hair clean but flat. Edith not overjoyed. 5th April 2020 Order an oximeter from amazon. Read its good for testing oxygen levels. Convince Ian to buy one as I am spending a fortune on food all the time. We start taking our temperature every day to see if we have a fever. We feel it’s the responsible thing to do before we leave the house each day. Take our deckchairs out and chat across the road with Alison, Neil is too poorly today. Two other neighbours come out too and we eat cakes Alison has made. Come back in after an hour and I feel uplifted for having a bit of company. April 6th 2020 Cleaning the hall this morning, a community group which since the lockdown are running a food bank 3 days a week. Mo (who works for me) and I bleach everything, door handles, floors, everything. Most staff work from home atm so we are going in the morning until all this is over. I'm glad I'm still in business for Mo as much as anything. I'm her only income but if I don't work, I don't get paid. At least some help from the chancellor if it all stops. We have a cigarette break outside, and I remind Mo to stay apart. 'What beans for brekkie, was it?' I laugh. Mo really doesn't care about COVID, like many others I meet, who believe if they get it, they get it. For once I'm glad I'm a worrier plus I'm not ready to die yet. We're out of there early as no staff equals less mess. I break it to Mo that I can't give her a lift home for now. Last week I made her sit her

 

 

 

 

in the back which felt faintly ridiculous, but Ian advised even that's too close. Mo shrugs and says that's fine. Her son was murdered two years ago and now she accepts hardship with ease. I feel bad as her life really is crap and now she has to walk two miles home. Get home and straight to Edith's, my 90 year old neighbour who I care for. She's slightly clueless to the full

impact of the outside world but I regale her with the apocalyptic life outside. We both enjoy the chat. I wash

and dress her legs and we have a cup of tea. I refill her hot water bottle, it's 27 degrees in her house but

she has no fat on her so fair play.

 

****

 

Ians in work all day and I'm home by 12pm. Do a few chores while listening to BBC news. After half an hour

I realise the news stories go around in a cycle and switch off. It's funny, I think I want other news stories but

then realise I don't. I'm obsessed with covid even though I'm anxious about it. Take a birthday cake round

to daughter’s house for Grace's 5th birthday. I sit out on the pavement with my deckchair to see the kids in

the front garden. A rather bad-tempered woman moves me on, so I sit in the neighbouring garden instead. I

want to hug the kids, but I can't. I take a picture instead.

My daughter and son in law set up multiple facetimes so the other grandparents can see Grace blow out

her candles. It doesn't go well as some of them can see Grace but not hear and others hear but can't see. I

feel quite smug from next doors garden.

8 April 2020

Do Alison and Dad's shopping at 6.30am. No real queue but someone to spray your trolley. There's more

social distancing in Tesco than Lidl or Aldi’s. Think it might be a class thing. Try to get flour for myself but

no luck here like everywhere else I've tried . I'm wearing my mask but get a hot flush, head for the freezer

section to cool down. See Ian across in bakery and we wave. We've learnt conversation is pointless

wearing masks. Handling small objects is difficult wearing 2 sets of gloves, the amount of near misses with

glass jars is countless. Alison asked for Turkish delight thins for Neil, I put 2 in the trolley for him as cancer

and treatment made him thinner. I feel tired today, early morning shopping is not for me.

9th April 2020

Curlers arrived so I do Edith's hair again. I used some products I had at home and put Edith in the sun

outside to dry her hair. Removed the curlers and we were both happy with the Farrah Fawcett bounce. She

gave me £10! Queued at the chemist to pick up next-door prescription. 2 hours to get in the chemist. One

in, one out policy. Handed in the prescription and bought some hair dye and bath minerals while I waited.

The pharmacy had drawn a line you couldn't cross in front of the counter. It was a ridiculous 9 feet from the

counter. I had to throw my purchases one by one on to the counter from this distance. I feel like it could be

an Olympics sport in the future.

 

 

 

 

Some people just take it too far, honestly. The good news is she didn't charge me for the hair dye of which I

kept quiet. I came out and a middle-aged man was really upset. He told me his GP was twice supposed to

have faxed his prescription to the chemist. Each time he'd queued for it not to be there. They were

antidepressants and he'd missed a week's worth. I wasn't having that and took him in, told him to stay there

while they sorted it out over the phone. This is not the time to be without your happy pills. Granddaughter

Grace can write her name after home schooling. Louise videoed it and sent it to me on messenger. So

proud of both of them.

15 April 2020

I went to Aldi this morning, 20 minutes before it opened. There was still a queue, but it moved quite quickly.

I'm still surprised that into the 5th week people are still not wearing gloves never mind masks. I'm always

relieved once the shops done. Ian my husband is in work today. He is classed as an essential worker as he

makes the silicone that goes in hand wash. He's normally very laid back to my neurotic character, but I find

him very anxious these days about the risks we take in still working. I've started giving him magnesium

which I take to stay calm.

16th April 2020

My dad's 86th birthday. I will get to see him today as I'm shopping for him and mum at Tesco. At the same

time, we shop for our neighbour across the road. Ian takes one trolley for my parents, and I do Alison's. Her

husband Neil has terminal cancer but is having chemo and radiotherapy. He's on steroids so his immune

system is compromised. It's hard for Alison not going out as she's always on the go normally. I find it's

rather telling the contents of someone else's shopping, she always said Neil doesn't eat bread only wraps

as they contain no gluten. There have been no wraps on this list - ever! Four weeks ago, I offered to get her

some bits along with my shop and then I said 'just have what you want' instead of just essentials. I don't

regret that offer but blimey I end up spending more time looking for her obscure items than my own

shopping trip. I'd never heard of cinnamon smooth peanut butter before and I couldn't find it, just got

almond smooth peanut butter, and hoped for the best. With the list I also get 'instructions' for posting cards

and letters. Ian’s jumping up and down saying she's got 3 kids and why aren't they helping out. I explain I

offered to help and we've got to suck it up now. I do bow to Alison when I leave her shopping by the patio

door. She has the grace to laugh. The grandchildren have made posters for our window and a colourful key

worker sign for Ian’s car. He displays it proudly, which is amusing as he's normally a bit anal about tat in or

on his car.

After we drop Alison's shopping, we're onward to Gyrion. The roads are blissfully quiet. I ring my dad to let

him know the cost, so he can get the cash ready at the door. As Ian has paid on his card, he gets the cash.

For 4 weeks he has moaned about this as a bank transfer would be easier. We have more cash in the

house than we could ever spend in lockdown. At least Alison bank transfers into my account. Anyway, my

parents are on the doorstep awaiting their shopping eagerly. I sing Happy birthday to my dad with a mask

on. We both laugh. I wear the mask for mum as she likes the neighbours to see me looking professional.

I'm wearing protective glasses, but my breath is steaming them up and I can no longer see. I break all the

rules and touch my face with all the Tesco germs I've collected to remove the glasses.

 

 

 

 

My dad is happy as I've got him geraniums from The Range garden section. I hope he appreciates his non-

essential contraband that I queued to get on Easter Saturday. Mum and dad aren't huggers but there's an

awkward moment as we say goodbye where a hug would’ve fitted nicely. Off we go home for breakfast. It's

8am.

I do a 20-minute gym workout in the garden, followed by a cuppa and a ciggie. Watched the 5pm brief.

Another 3 weeks of lockdown. Quite right too. I loathe the journalist question bit where all they ask is when

and how it will be lifted. I shout at the TV that I will be practising social distance until next year. Others on

Facebook agree.

April 17th 2020

All the street came out to clap last night and ring bells. I nearly forgot but we stood out there all waving at

each other and shouting hello. We stand at the bottom of the drive and wave to those at the end of the

road. Alison claps toward me and thanks me for the shopping. I feel proud and very British.

Ian’s gone out for a cycle this morning. He's lost his mojo on cycling lately. He normally cycles 40 or 50

miles but he'll now only cycle closer to home as he's scared of something happening to him or the bike

breaking and being stranded. None of his older group are going out at all as they feel the same. He needs

the exercise as he gets melancholy without exercise which is hard work when your cooped up together. I

try and do 20 minutes each day of something. Walking, weights, or the allotment which I've started again

now my seeds have grown. Without B&Q no one has much to plant atm but we're swapping seedlings to

get us going. Hard to dig for victory with no plants!

So, It's 9am and I'm still in bed with a cuppa and the cat. A day of no work or shopping but I will clean

Edith's gerbils out later which we got to keep her company 2 years ago.

Clean the gerbils out, Edith's asleep in her chair so I do all 3 cages and hoover, and she doesn't wake. I

leave without waking her as I want to get back to watch a 3-parter of the Quiz with Ian. We've got so much

stuff recorded and I haven't had the concentration to watch more than half an hour of TV after the news.

So, I crack open an Easter egg and we watch back-to-back episodes. Bliss.

I check out mail online, over 800 deaths again. Then read an article on why you might get it. Ooh

interesting! I work out being blood group A is not great or being a smoker. However, having had a BCG

helps as does not being overweight or being a man. I say to Ian we probably have equal chances of

survival. My smoking to his being a man! Although artist David Hockney says today that smokers fare well.

Maybe it's the nicotine? I think we all cling to anything atm.

I'd recorded two bedtime stories and put them on fb and my YouTube channel for my granddaughters and

their little friends. Last my son in law videoed the youngest two Grace and Jess watching them. Grace was

blowing kisses to me on TV. So sweet. I long for a hug and to smell them again. Having said that my house

is so tidy when they're not here!

18 April 20

 

 

 

 

Woke up dreaming I'd been food shopping without gloves and mask! I bet that's not decoded in my dream

book. It just shows the underlying tension I must have constantly. I notice I burp more certainly and that's

from shallow breathing. Ian lies in bed with me with a cuppa, normally he can't bear to do this. He's much

clingier these days. I find it sweet that I'm the strong one through this. I read the paper and it says covid is a

natural virus not a China made one. Mmm.. Jury's out on that one. I mean how convenient to weaken

countries’ economies when China wants to be number one.

Open the front door to find a box of Welsh cakes and a roll of artificial grass! Welsh cakes from Alison with

a note to give some to Edith. The grass is from number 25. It's surplus and I was cheeky enough to ask if I

could have it for my son in law as he's using lockdown to sort their garden out. Ring Matt and he picks it up.

My daughter Louise has done a family song on fb to Frozen’s 'Let it go' renamed let us out. It’s funny as all

5 kids and the dog take part. Louise has been doing acting classes and is clearly having more fun than the

kids.

19 April 20

Ian brings me tea in bed, again. The last 3 days have all felt like a Sunday. This is the longest I've not left

the street. Ian says I must go to Edith's and get her bins out for pick up tomorrow. Lately he has rung in

advance for her to get them ready for him but whenever he rings her, she can't hear him and the

conversation this end is 'it's Ian.. Ian... Ian..' and it goes on like that for a while. Her hearing aid is being

repaired atm. Because of covid Ian won't go in her house therefore dodging the bullet of being there ages

doing a 'few small jobs' whilst grabbing her rubbish.

Reading in the mail on Sunday that they may reopen garden centres soon, which does make sense. But it

means all my naughty little plant-based trips have been for nothing!

Got up and felt a bit weird and sicky. Think it maybe anxiety rearing its head. Decide to brisk walk up and

down the street as it’s a nice day after two days of rain. Bit hard going to start with but then I start to feel

energised. Most of the neighbours are out the front fiddling with gardens or pressure washers. Don't want to

stop my momentum so end up marching on the spot while chatting. I Do not care if I look a bit silly. So

energised I cut our grass and next doors.

My tomato seeds have come through at last, I'm overjoyed! Oh the smallest things make me the happiest.

Go online and order some summer clothes and stuff for Louise's 30th birthday next month. Delivery times

are long.

Messenger message from Ian’s sister-in-law in USA. Wants me to set Ian up on Zoom for family chats. Ian

is crap with tech stuff, so I always have to help. He's got a responsible job but doesn't half flap over stuff at

home.

Ring dad for shopping list. They're all fine and cheerful.

 

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April 20, 20.

Cleaned the dusty with Mo. I offered her a mask and gloves but she declined. Easy shift again but it was so

nice leaving my street! Popped to chemist for eye drops for a really sore unexplained eye. No queue, just

straight in for once. Still had to throw items towards the counter, I'm getting a good aim now. Very hard to

show my eye problem 9ft apart but we got there in the end.

Onto Edith's house. Dressed her legs and had a cuppa. Finola my cat came too and had some tidbits. A

very sociable cat and she adores Edith. In fact, according to Edith’s daughter, Finola is a beneficiary in

Edith’s will. Not sure how that will work but it tickles me.

B&Q is open with two-hour queues. Sod that. I am once again smug.

Crack open my hair colour to do it myself.

Wash out colour and dry. Better grey coverage than at the hairdressers! Really pleased. Picture displayed

on the desperate housewife’s page. Lots of thumbs up. None of the others have tried home colouring yet,

hopefully they'll brave it now.

Ian home from work, have dinner watching the brief. Agree to watch the satellites at 10pm but we've both

been up early and go to bed early.

 

****

April 21st 20

Awake at 5.30am. I need to food shop for us today. There is a queue already, but it moves quickly. Once

again, we're all trying to dodge each other once in. Etiquette is alive and well and being British we all say

sorry a million times! I'm spending so much on food but I'm not sure why. I see flour and I hover but I've

got plenty at home now, so I leave it which is surprisingly hard.

 

Unload the shop and start painting the bathroom side panel in the garden. I don't really want to today, but I

feel compelled to get on with it. Don’t account for the falling blossoms falling on to the gloss - argh! Pick the

blossoms off, repaint and move it to the garden swing away from trees. Check on it after 2 hours, it now

has flies stuck to it. Can't Pick off the now dead flies so paint over them!

By 8pm I am so tired that I feel rather emotional and anxious. I go to bed at 8.30pm as the alarm set for

others shopping at 6.30am.

 

****

22 April 20

 

 

 

 

At Tesco by 7am and Ian and I go in different directions. I check out more hair colour but barely anything

there. I need a few ready as I think hairdressers will be shut until Autumn.

Alison's list requires lots of protein as Neil’s levels are too low to continue chemotherapy. So, an interesting

list this week. Hunt down beef jerky, it looks vile. No flour once again in Tesco and barely any rice I note. I

end up spending £20 on stuff for myself. I'm spending sooo much at food shops!

Drop food at Alison's then onto Gyrion. There's quite a bit more traffic on the road we notice each week.

People are being more daring going out these days but there are more shops reopening. Is that a good

thing I wonder?

Alison and I had arranged a drive coffee for 11am. Take my chair over and a cuppa. Neil says hello but he

looks quite gaunt, Alison shouts at him as he gets a little too close to me. Al and I chat for an hour and she

agrees to send me some video lessons she's done for her grandchildren to use on mine. I'm too lazy to do

my own.

Do a brisk 5 lengths walking in the street and cut back some trees in our cul de sac. Ian’s having a lie down

after two 12 hour days.

Drive to Louise's to see the kids and take some sweets and a dog treat. 10 minutes is long enough

standing at the gate so I come home.

Text my friend Tracey to say I'll pop over Friday with a birthday card. She has COPD and hasn't been out

since lockdown. I'll take my trusty deckchair and spend an hour in her road.

Pop the bath panel on, doesn't look too bad despite what it's been through.

 

23 April 20

A few hours at Edith's to do her hair and dress her legs.

Come home and try to hunt down some more hair dye for next month. Everywhere has sold out so check

out amazon and eBay. OMG, asking £30 or more for one box of £7 hair dye!!

Decide to drive down to my local chemist to see if they have any left. Find one box remaining of my colour,

snap it up and choose another make with a close colour match for emergencies. What a ridiculous situation

it is.

 

Watch the 'big night in' and laugh at Stephen Fry and Prince William, go William!

Go out and clap at 8pm with all the other neighbours. Once again in my pyjamas.

 

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24th April 20

Another gorgeous, sunny day. Mooch about in the garden and hang some washing out.

Go to see my friend as arranged with my deckchair and flask of tea. We sit out in her cul de sac which is

where I once lived before my third and final marriage. It’s all very nice and some of the neighbours come

out for a nose and before long they have brought out chairs and tea and we're all sitting in a socially distant

circle. We're all enjoying the interaction and discussing covid, menopause and gardening. I say they too

should have a street party for VC day (victory over corona). When I lived here, we had a street party

organised by moi but I can't remember what it was for. I'm doing one in my street as we've had a few sin ce

I've lived here. I love getting people together, I think it's my only talent TBH and it annoys Ian who is an

introvert! Secretly though he loves googling me and framing newspaper articles about me. He is proud of

me really.

Read the paper and I'm shocked at how many businesses are reopening. The government is clearly turning

a blind eye for the sake of the economy. Our neighbour Magda has been made to go back to Lloyd's bank

full time. She's very worried as her husband is on the vulnerable list. There's a bit of bullying by employers

here and I feel blessed I'm self-employed.

 

Ian says we're having a takeaway tonight - what a treat! We do miss lunches out etc. I lay a small table in

the garden and open a bottle of cava while he collects it in his mask and gloves.

 

We get quite tipsy and do a quiz on the radio. A very enjoyable few hours in our beer garden.

April 25 20

Really bad back this morning. Like an overturned turtle trying to out of bed. Get cuppa and go back to bed

with papers. Check out Facebook and someone is singing live on there so I start watching that and send a

 

 

 

 

even though it's not my thing. We message a bit back and for and now I feel compelled to keep

watching as they'll see I've left. I leave it run on mute and read the papers!

Later I limp to Edith's to take Alison's bread pudding over and spot her daughter dropping shopping off and

actually go in which is unusual with covid about. Edith is crying into her hands which is something I don't

see normally. It turns out she is frustrated about being in all the time and can't hear her neighbours chat

over the fence as she is deaf even with hearing aids. I suggest we walk down the road and back again and

she leaps out the chair with renewed vigour. I'm sure she manipulates me slightly at times! We walk out

with her daughter whom I get on very well with. The daughter drives away laughing as Edith and I walk very

slowly down the street which suits me as my back is painful. Luckily most of the road’s residents are

pottering in their front gardens, so we stop and chat to all we see. Edith is enjoying this so much she laughs

like a young girl. It makes me happy, and we amble back smelling lilacs on a tree. I take her home a

happier person. I resolve to this more often if the weather's good.

Louise rings to ask to borrow the small tent as her kids want to sleep out in the garden. I send Ian to deliver

it.

April 26th 20

Had an email from Sainsbury’s about my hair dye order. They only have one of what I want but have

substituted another colour!! What on earth are they thinking? You can't substitute a hair colour, it's not like

a brand of baked beans. I can't get through on the number, so I'm stuck with it now. I'll have to offer it on fb

or sell it on eBay to another desperate woman. I know it's a frivolous worry in these times but in a world of

no control, my hair is all I can control.

Download Zoom in readiness for chat with Ian’s brothers in a bit. We have no idea what we are doing but

manage to get one brother but not the other. Fiddle about and manage to get both up on the screen but not

ourselves. Feel part of the tech world being on zoom as that's all I've heard celebs talk about. Stay on it for

about 20 minutes and see one brother and his wife's nice kitchen in California. There lockdown seems

much like ours in the UK. They are both turning 50 next week and there'll be no party, they seem quite stoic

considering they were meant to be celebrating in the Grand Canyon.

April 27th 20

Clean the community hall without lighting as the builders are back. An easy shift as we can't do much. Mo

keeps forgetting social distancing and keeps appearing up close every time I turn round!

Pop to Edith's who's still a bit down. Finola the cat cheers her a bit and we make plans for her to come over

for lunch in the garden when the weather picks up. Feel I have to keep her positive atm.

Chase up a missing parcel with an email. Out of office reply says they are running on a skeleton staff, and it

will be a while for a reply.

28th April 20

 

 

 

 

Alison says she has got a delivery slot with Tesco now so she will be able to shop independently. I feel a

mix of both relief and redundancy. Ian says it’s for the best, but she'll have a nightmare with substitutions

that bear no resemblance to the original order. Yes, good luck getting cinnamon smooth peanut butter!

Continue with my jigsaw which is still unfinished after 6 weeks. It's raining and it's a good time to battle on. I

keep thinking pieces are missing and the cats are responsible. Then I find two pieces hidden down the

back of the dining chair and manage to finish the tree section. There are teeth marks in one of them from

one of the cats.

April 29th 20

Gosh, Boris has had a baby boy. I think they kept her pregnancy a secret to help him win the election last

December, people like my mum wouldn't have voted for him if she had known! Boris has been through a lot

in five months, Brexit, being so ill and now a new baby. Rather him than me.

Tesco for my Dad's shopping. He didn't need much so I think it's time to review how we do it now Alison's

doing her own shopping.

Drop shop off and a cake I made. Have a chat and mum will buy my hair dye off me, the one I don't want.

Result! Discuss with dad about the shopping and I will now pick up stuff from Lidl and Aldi when I shop for

myself. Tell him it will save him loads as Tesco are so expensive and keep putting their prices up during the

pandemic. I hate Tesco, they're so smug.

Have facetime with the granddaughters. Utter bliss. We have our thing of hugging ourselves and pretending

to hug each other. I have forgotten what they smell like which seems worse than not hugging.

Tesco deliver a shop to Alison. I'm nosing out of the window to see how it’s gone. Watch her reading the

list, I reckon she's had a few substitutions. Obviously, she's missing my attention to detail to shopping. Silly

really to feel so put out. Ian says that I need a cause and to feel needed. I think he's right, but does that

make me an interfering busybody or just helpful?

April 30th 20

Awake early again. Ian left at 5am for work, so get up and make a pot of tea. Watch GMB and listen to

more Covid talk. Apparently 30% die from it if they go to hospital, 20% are still in hospital suffering ill health

from it and 50% recover somewhat and are discharged. I'm so used to this way of life now, but I forget why

until I'm reminded like this. I can't imagine how I'll feel when I look back on this in years to come - if of

course I survive. My mother said this is worse than the war in which she was a child. She said it was fun

and there was always something good happening in her community. Now she feels like a prisoner and it's

distressing her to think this will go on much longer, which we both know it will. She worries about becoming

agoraphobic which is a real possibility and something I've already considered for her, myself and others.

When you think the vulnerable have been living in a bubble of safety for months and when finally released

will come out into a noisy, polluted, crowded world and it will be a massive shock to their system.

 

 

 

 

At least I go out most days which is important for me as I've suffered agoraphobia in the past and still

cannot go too far from home comfortably. I also think there will be PTSD sufferers after all this is finally

over. That includes NHS workers and the general public.

 

May 2020

May 1st 20

Everyone came out last night to clap, even Edith for the first time. I'm very proud of her and it means she

was part of the street community.

I was up at 6am again, but I felt refreshed so got up. I went straight out to get the papers early, one daily

mail for us, one for Mavis and Grant next door. Newsagent shut so popped to Tesco Extra. I always get the

papers from the bottom of the pile to avoid germs. Having said that I wore no gloves or mask but did use

the hand sanitiser provided by Tesco. Used it on the way in and out.

Writing this and spot a window cleaner, I'm desperate to have them cleaned so I rushed out to ask him.

Unfortunately, he says he can't because he's only got so much water on the van for his regulars. Arghh!

I painted my dressing room yesterday a nice duck egg blue on the window wall. Normally I would never

bother as it means putting all the stuff in the kids’ room and it's a faff. But there are no kids here or likely to

be for many more weeks, so no excuses. So, this morning I put everything back. It looks really good and

I'm glad I made the effort. Everybody on fb is decorating, whole houses have changed or been updated as

their photos show. Someone even built a swimming pool! There may be less pollution but the UK stinks of

gloss!

Ian has dropped brown sugar to my friend's Juliette. He's left it on the doorstep on his way to work. I've not

had time to tell her about yet when I see this on fb

 

 

 

 

 

 

I let her know it’s us and I am a hero for the day. It truly is the little acts of kindness that make this tedium

bearable.

I'm very sad now. Edith rang me to say Ruby the gerbil is lethargic. I was going over anyway to clean all

three cages. I go over and she's sitting in an awkward angle, the gerbil not Edith. I start cleaning out the

other 2 cages and decide not to disturb Bella. Another gerbil Fizz is looking downcast too. Fizz is my

granddaughter’s gerbil but when her sister died, she came to Edith's but we failed to bond her with Bell. I

make a cuppa and we watch Bella panting. I notice diarrhoea and decide to clean her cage anyway to keep

her clean. I pop her into the bucket while I clean her cage. Within minutes she is dead, accelerated from

moving her. I feel wretched. Edith and I both get upset as she was such a character. I hide the cage and

bring Bella home to bury. I research the Internet and she might have died from Tyzzer's disease, probably

from the stuff I give them from the garden. I feel more down and ring Edith to say move the two cages

further apart in case the healthy pair catch it from Fizz.

This is the saddest I've felt since lockdown began, Ian’s in work and I can't seem to cry but I know I'll feel

better if I do. I feel very alone right now. Bella dying has changed my comforting landscape, which I didn't

really understand I needed until now. I pray for Fizz to get well but I've cared for Bella and the other two

since they were babies and I love them dearly.

An hour later I go back to Edith's to check on Fizz. She seems dehydrated so I nudge her to the water,

which she drinks. I locate a spare bottle and fix it up so she can always find one. She eats a little and

fusses about in her house. Edith and I talk about Bella for a bit.

 

 

 

 

I come home wanting and needing a good cry. Not felt this way for ages, in fact I haven't cried for years. I

need something to nudge me into a full sob, so I put on city of angels and fast forward to the end. When I

was a single mum and up against, it was the one thing that would give me a release, even to the point my

daughter would put that one scene on and then leave me to it. The scene? At the very end when Nicholas

Cage jumps into the ocean to feel the freedom of what it is to be human. I can't say why it touches

something in me, it just does.

As soon as I see the scene coming nearer, I start to sob, I watch it twice and start to wail. I'm crying for

Bella, the certainty of losing Edith in the near future, how fragile this life is and needing to jump into the sea

and feel wonderfully free. Whatever age I am, I clearly need to feel free and unburdened every once in a

while. I feel exhausted but so glad to let out my emotions. And to share my feelings with you, dear diary.

May 2nd 20

Wake up at 6.30am but make myself fall asleep again. Finola the cat tucks herself in and we both drop off

to sleep. I'm awoken at 8.20am by next doors cat who jumps on my head. God knows how he got in, but

the little sod has woken me up.

After yesterday's sad day I feel a little brighter this morning. A good cry has reset me, I think.

Ian has already been out, to Lidl as they have a craft beer event and he was keen to get some unusual

beers. Sadly, he reported, there were massive queues and he drove off. That's the difference between us,

I'm used to queuing now but he's not! I tell him to try later.

I have a lazy morning reading the papers and switch my WiFi off on my phone as I want peace. No sooner

do I switch it on lunchtime, my eldest granddaughter facetimes crying that her stepdad is shouting at her,

which I hear in the background. Suddenly we're disconnected. Bethany is quite hormonal at 12 and there

are often arguments. Louise rings me and is complaining about her moods.

I decide to call around their house and take some goodies for them.

I knock the door, leave the bag on their doorstep and set up my deckchair. They all come out and are

delighted to see me. I often comment it’s like being a film star when you have grandchildren, all itching to

get a piece of you - it's quite marvellous! Never more so than now.

The little ones always forget not to rush up to you, so I have to be firm and shoo them back. Youngest,

Jess, always gets tearful, it's quite heart breaking.

Just being there seems to calm them and Louise and Bethany make friends and we all laugh together for

half an hour. Louise agreed to Ian and I wearing chemical suits and masks soon so we can actually hug the

children. I can't wait!

I come home cheered and plant my tomatoes in the greenhouse. The sun is shining and I feel so much

happier. I pop over Edith's to check on Fizz. She seems so much better today. Still a bit thin but more

active. I chat with Edith for a bit as I'll be the only person she sees today.

 

 

 

 

Go on Facebook and see people are doing socially distant street parties on Friday for VE day. I share the

post and ask if the neighbours are interested. Some reply and they are. Tell Ian to find the bag of bunting in

readiness. I just hope the weather's good on Friday.

My dad rings with his shopping list which we've agreed will not be Tesco but Aldi or Lidl. He's happy I'll

save him money. We chat for 20 minutes, he loves Facebook and tells me stuff about family which of

course I already know! I think it's great he's enjoying it. He helps me out with a crossword clue I'm

struggling with. I tell him to do the daily mail crossword too. It's another little thing to keep him busy during

his isolation.

Later, I cook a chilli and we eat at 5pm. We don't watch the brief very often now especially on the weekend

as it’s so repetitive and puts me in a gloomy mood.

We enjoy a convivial evening with a glass of wine and a bit of telly.

May 3rd 20

Woke up with two cats this morning. Ian out getting the Sunday paper, he's given up on Lidl’s beers. I will

get him some in Tuesday’s shopping.

Pop into the garden for a ciggie and start fishing leaves out of the pond. I spot a large hedgehog asleep by

it. I'm awed by being so close. I get Ian who sees it too. I get some cat biscuits and gently throw them

nearby. It soon starts eating them and I'm thrilled! I don't use slug pellets anymore in the garden, so I feel

rewarded by this close sighting of a healthy hedgehog. I consider my younger self ever recognising this

nature loving middle aged gardener!

Louise pops around with her dog. We sit apart in the garden and it's drizzling. She's a bit down and looks

tired. She's 30 next Wednesday and it will be a weird birthday. Little does she know I’ve done a spice girl

video with her friends, and we will put it on fb on her birthday. I've also collected video messages. My

granddaughter Bethany is editing it for me.

I give Lou some lavender Bath salts to help her relax and she goes home.

I'm in bed reading at 9.30pm when I hear grunting outside below. I lean out of the window and see two

hedgehogs in some kind of mating ritual. Ian comes to see and it's so sweet to see them.

Dad rings with his shopping list ready for Tuesday.

11pm and the flipping hedgehogs are still outside honking and keeping me awake.

May 4th 20

Wake up early and get a cuppa. No Piers Morgan on breakfast TV as he might have suspected corona

virus, so it’s a bit boring.

 

 

 

 

Clean the hall with Mo. Only there an hour as not much to do. Pinch a few things from the food bank, I

should feel bad but there's tonnes of stuff and it's very near sell by dates. Really random stuff gets donated

by the supermarkets. I grab a bag of chamomile teabags for Lou.

Pop to the range and queue up, only four people in front and I'm soon in. Buy some zoflora and get plants

for Edith's garden. By the time I leave the queue is around the block.

Take the plants to Edith and some treats for the remaining gerbils. Edith is thrilled with her plants, and I

promise to put them in pots this week. I show her the video for Louise's birthday, she's highly amused. She

records a message for Louise as well.

I wash Edith's legs, stay for a cuppa and come home for some lunch.

Spend the afternoon watching old videos of Louise when she was growing up and recording clips on my

mobile to put on fb next Wednesday. Can't believe 30 years have gone by and she was so cute and funny.

Felt a pang for those lost years. I wish I'd appreciated it more, but I guess that's what grandchildren are for

- a second go at it with all the wisdom learnt along the way.

May 5th 20

Start the day with moving my matured bond and its pathetic interest accrued into a new NS & I account. My

bank deserves to lose my savings as its only offering 0.10%. I have to queue to get on the NS&I website,

which is bonkers. Then I'm given 10 minutes before being logged out! Talk about stressful! Manage to

move my funds with seconds to spare.

I go out for the food shop. Queue to get in, queue down the aisles, then queue to pay for dad's shopping,

then mine. What normally takes 45 minutes, takes 2 hours today. I'm exhausted after unloading it and

putting it away.

Treat myself to a cuppa lying on my bed with the newspaper. I spot Alison and Neil planting flowers in their

front garden and hurry over to say we are having a street party on Friday for VE day. She's got bunting too

and will decorate her house too. Seems funny to celebrate one crisis ending while in the midst of another.

Oh to be British!

May 6th 20

We take the shopping to my parents and have a chat on the doorstep for 10 minutes. Decide on the next

nice day we drop off shopping we will sit in their back garden. Things seem to be slacking with lockdown,

so as long as we're sensible it can be done.

Come back and then go straight down the allotment. It's really busy down, which is unusual. There's a

cheerful vibe today and I'm given some spinach and red cabbage to plant. I spend an hour working and an

hour chatting!

 

 

 

 

 

Come back and start putting up our bunting in readiness for Fridays Street party. Within an hour the other

neighbours start putting theirs up. The street looks great.

 

Louise, Matt and the kids walk up, and we sit on the front garden. So lovely watching them run up and

down the street. They stay for an hour and some of the neighbours come out and chat with us all. It seems

everyone is just gagging for some social interaction and a change from their own households.

May 7th 20

Do Edith's hair, legs and clean downstairs. I cut her hair this week as its getting too long for the curlers. I've

never cut hair before, but I've seen it done and trim away with confidence. By the time her hair is complete

I'm happy with my efforts. So is Edith. She wonders whether I could continue doing it after lockdown and

she'll cancel her mobile hairdresser. Not sure her hairdresser will be best pleased with me as she is a sort

of friend to me as well.

Come home and put my trainers on for a brisk walk up and down the street. I try and do this a few times a

week but have been a bit lacks lately. Do a few laps up and down when Liz from two doors down trys to

start as conversion with me about the street party. I'm a bit irritated as I'm in my stride and don't to stop.

Call to her to join me. She soon bounces into step with me and we're two metres apart whilst breathlessly

talking. I finish and come in. Ian is laughing and tells me that Liz and I looked like we were performing a

socially distant 'is this the way to Amarillo' Peter Kay style. Thankfully I care not how I look!

Watch the news and there are still no dental hubs open. This worries me as my teeth and gums are not

great. I usually see a hygienist every three months and the dentist two or three times a year. My gums

recede and my teeth often loose bits when eating. I decide to go online and buy some temporary filling kits.

Some are already sold out. People brighter than me have thought of this problem way before me. I manage

to get one at a greatly inflated price but at least I feel more secure now. It’s the same with oximeters, I

 

 

 

 

thought of it quite early on and bought one, now they're sold out. Ian thinks I overreact and panic but the

hypocrite will still use it all if he needs it.

Go out for the clapping at 8pm. Everyone's out. It's a lovely sunset sky and we're all cheerful, waving up

and down the street and shouting, 'see you tomorrow!'

 

Then I have a bit of a scare. I inhale some saliva and start to choke. I cannot get a breath in and try not to

panic. I know from panic attacks to breathe through my nose which does allow some air in. It takes a few

minutes before I can get a breath in through my mouth without wheezing. I start to cough a bit and begin to

breathe more normally. Ian looks worried and I wonder and voice 'is this what the virus would feel like?'

Very sobering moment.

Listen to Dr Wards podcast, the father of this corona diary project. Very enjoyable podcast and I feel

honoured that my mundane, sometimes funny life might be part of history one day.

May 8th 20

I didn't sleep well; I never do with a full moon. My mind won't quieten enough for sleep to come.

Take a cup of tea back up to bed. Ian’s gone to Tesco early to get some bread and milk for us and next

door.

I hear a van outside and have a nose. Oh My God, it's a window cleaner! I shout out of my bedroom

window and ask if he'll do mine. Yes, he will - hurrah! I rush out and pay him £10 and then pull all the union

Jack's in and shut the windows. You cannot beat clean windows, all is well in my world.

Euphoria doesn't last long as Ian is back from Tesco and he's in a bad mood about all the queuing. 25

minutes just to pay and then queues for the cigarette kiosk to get my smokes. Honestly, I have to queue all

the time, I queue just to join a queue. He's clearly very spoiled and I tell him so. Men!

Just before 4pm I start setting upside outside for the VE party. I go to get Edith whose house stinks of farts

but turns out to be lots and lots of boiled eggs. This is her contribution to the party even though I've told her

hundreds of times that we can't share food. I get her chair and get her settled outside while I get my stuff

out.

The other neighbours come out and we sit far away from one another which is the weirdest thing ever plus

everyone seems a little shy. I start to wonder if this is going to be a flop.

An hour in and everyone has drunk a bit in the blisteringly hot sunshine and social distancing is relaxing a

bit now. People table hopping and starting to get greedy for social contact. A freelance photographer shows

up and takes pictures. He said he hasn't many parties to visit and asked if we knew where else he could go.

We don't.

Louise is here and is on her second bottle of wine and her strict distancing is collapsing as she leans into

me to me, drunk.

 

 

 

 

 

Someone plays Vera Lynn and couples start dancing, it's wonderful to be part of.

It's started at 4pm, it's now 9.30pm and everyone's drunk and high on friendship. Nobody hugs but

distancing is all but forgotten as we share the microphone, eat others food, drink out of the wrong glass and

sit at other’s tables. Alison is who sober goes inside, she can't take the stress as we hedonistically party

away. We finish at 10.30pm drunk and sated.

May 9th 20

I am appalled at the lapse in rules yesterday from myself and others. I imagine my street waking up thinking

the same. All praying no one has corona virus, as this will fell the whole road within three weeks.

On a happier note we have a picture on the MailOnline which I share on fb.

Pop over to Edith to see if she OK. She drank quite a bit, yesterday, for a 90-year-old and was falling

asleep in the sun. Anyway, she tells me she had a great time and enjoyed watching everyone dancing. I

check on Fizz the gerbil who I see is dying, there has been a slow descent in her health since Bella died. I

make her comfortable and leave her in peace. I'll check on her tomorrow.

See some VE day pictures online and post them on fb tagging in the residents, they are group shots and

one of a family. Within five minutes an fb friend has written 'media whore' in the comment box. I'm really

upset and feel it’s a spiteful, jealous comment from someone I've met a few times in the past. I u nfriend her

rather than retaliate. But I am upset. Then I find we are in the echo and no one in the street has told me.

Send poor Ian to the shop to get a copy asap.

I message my son in law to see if he's finished the video for Lou's birthday on Wednesday. He replies its

nearly finished.

I say to Bethany thanks for doing the video while I'm chatting. She informs that her and her dad had not

started it yet. I'm fuming with them both. I message Matt and have a go for lying then switch my WiFi off as

I've had enough today. I clearly have hangover paranoia and need to go to bed, my confidence has been

knocked badly today.

May 10th 20

Stay in bed and read the paper's but after an hour's peace, my dad rings with his shopping list, so I have to

get out of bed to get a pen and paper. Then Louise rings for a chat on face time. Ian gets back from Kwik

Fit where he was having a puncture repaired and reports they didn't charge him as he had a key worker

sign in his window! I fail to see how they could take a child's drawing as truth that he's saving the world in

some way when he actually makes silicone for handwash. I'm now wondering if the kids should make me

one.... Then with a big fanfare Ian produces 3 new hair dyes that he got as a surprise whilst out. Kiwi Fit

obviously put him in a good mood, mind he still wanted the money from me.

 

 

 

 

Having given up on reading the paper's, I get up. It's very windy so I go out and take down all our bunting. I

then pop into Edith's with my key to check on Fizz. She is very dead. Edith is upstairs snoozing, so I bring

Fizz home quietly and bury her next to Bella.

Everybody has also removed their bunting while I was at Edith's. Thank God I still hold some sway in the

street, and everyone's copied me.

I make a lazy lunch. Lazy meaning it’s all out of tins and we watch a film.

Ping! The edited video pops up from Matt. It's good and I thank him. Nothing like his mother-in-law having a

go to get him moving. Lou knows something is planned but she was sent to their bedroom while Matt and

Beth argued fiercely about who was to blame but did it together in the end. That thought makes me smile.

May 11th 20

Up at 6am, get a wash on and enjoy a quiet hour as Ian’s already in work. Pop to Tesco express to get our

and next doors paper. See my dad's chocolate which I can't get in Lidl or Aldi’s. Buy up five bars for him.

Get to the Hall and the workman have taken over the whole building. Mo and I wonder what to do. We

decide not much but we faff about cleaning what we can for an hour. We grab some cornflakes from the

food shop and go to my car. I end up giving Mo a lift in the back of my car. I won't tell Ian.

Come home, look at my unfinished jigsaw and throw it all in the bin. It's taking up table and the cats are

stealing bits so I'll never be able to finish it. Plus, I need to print off invoices ready to do my self-

assessment.

Go to Edith's and feed the remaining gerbils and wash her legs. We have a cuppa and I tell her I've ordered

her new curlers which she is pleased about as the other ones hurt when I take them out. I hate leaving her

after an hour and she hates being left on her own. She looks so small in her chair, and I feel a rush of love

for her. I tell her that I love her, but she doesn't hear me and shouting it doesn't feel right.

Come home after and drag out the printer. Once the invoices are printed, I decide I may as well as get

started on my self-assessment. Lou face times. My child has a knack of ringing whenever I get immersed in

something and never takes the hint. She's chatting away about her stepmother who we both loathe. She

knows this will keep my interest as I hate her too. Meanwhile each of the five kids come into shot and wave

to me. The youngest falls off the arm of the sofa and begins to bawl. This is my cue to go.

Complete the tax return in under an hour, most of it I never understand and generally just tick the 'no' box. I

don't owe much tax this year so that's a bonus. I submit and then check my personal details are correct. I

think I'll be eligible for the self-employment grant so want to check they can get hold of me. Apparently, I

can work and still get it.

Alison texts. Her grandson will be on the ITV Wales news regarding his sponsored silence. Ian wonders

how that will work if he's not allowed to speak.

Forget to watch news, text Alison to see if he was on. He wasn't as there was too much news but may be

on tomorrow or Wednesday. Blimey, I'll never remember to watch.

 

 

 

 

Message Edith's mobile hairdresser to ask if she can cut my hair in her garden next week when I'm

dropping my parents shopping off, as they live near to her. She pings back 'yes'. Poor thing is not earning

as she mainly works old people's homes and people like Edith. It's going to be awhile until she can again.

But I'm sure my tenner for a dry cut will make all the difference...

Watch Boris on tv and wonder what on earth he's on about. Ian annoyingly keeps saying 'to to' and 'the the'

in reference to Boris nervous stammering. I must admit Boris does repeat small words together quite a lot,

but Ian is always doing it and it’s not funny anymore.

What worries me is that they honestly inform us there might never been a vaccine. This is very honest but

suddenly I see we have a problem. A virus will lurk for years, how on earth can we live with that threat? Ian

and I discuss this. My grandchildren’s' education will be affected, and my parents may live out the rest of

their lives mainly indoors. My mum is itching to get to Dunelm already. And while my life has structure with

work, looking after Edith and getting out safely when I can, this also means no cinema, eating out or short

breaks; all the things I love. It means looking over my shoulder for years. I find this an awful prospect. I feel

overwhelmed and looking at Ian’s face, so does he.

May 12th 20

Went shopping at 8.45am, bit later than normal, but it paid off as I walked straight in.

Unpacked the shop when I got home, then popped to Lou's with some breakfast things for tomorrow. I got

all her favourites for her birthday morning. Stayed in the front garden for a chat and all the kids came out.

Son in Law Matt said he'd come around and install an app on my phone for films. The one we used to use

has been stopped as it is a tiny bit illegal.

An hour later, I'm home and Matt has installed the app. Maybe I can watch military wives now. I wanted to

see it in the cinema, but lockdown came and I couldn't go.

Matt goes home and Louise comes around with Bethany the eldest granddaughter. They stay for ages in

the garden, and we laugh and tease each other. The best bit was Beth with her sanitary pad sticking out of

her shorts. It's her first period and she will get used it eventually, but it was hilarious. Apparently, she won't

to the loo on her own as she's scared she might not be able to handle what she sees. The other girls have

to go with her and report back to Lou on what is happening with the period, including the 3-year-old!

Bethany is such a wimp, but I love her for it.

My temporary filling kit arrives so I've put that with the first aid kit. I hope I don't need to use it but I saw our

dental nurse earlier and she told me all they will do atm is give you a prescription or pull your tooth! She

also said the dental hubs put off seeing you as long as possible and won't do much either if you get there.

This is terrible and very worrying as toothache is just the worse pain in the world. No popcorn or toffee

again.

Ian’s home from work and I manage to get military wives up and running to watch with dinner. It's great but

you can't pause it, or you lose it as we discovered. So, I was busting for a wee by the end. Lovely film.

Tomorrow I will see what other films I can get on it.

 

 

 

 

I can't wait for tomorrow to put the video of me and Lou's friends on Facebook. I think she'll love it.

May 13th 20

Wake up at 5am! I'm too excited to go back to sleep as I want to get up and put Lou's video on Facebook.

Make a cuppa and upload it. Of course, no one will see it for hours but at least I know it’s done.

8am and apparently Lou is now awake. Cleverly Bethany records her reaction while Louise watches it. It's

wonderful to see her laugh and cry with emotion. She loves it and all the effort was worth it.

Drop the shopping off to my folks, don't stay too long as it’s really cold this morning.

Go to Louise's and see the sign Matt put up on the roundabout opposite their home. There's been a bit of

police interest in it but they've seen the funny side of it and let it be. The desperate housewives have all

seen it too and it’s given them a laugh.

Louise loves her presents and we stay in the garden for a while, but I’ll be back down later for a drink in her

garden with the other lockdown spice girls.

Every hour I am uploading videos of Louise from baby to bride on face book. I've just given over the whole

day to her birthday!

I think people are getting fed up with all the Louise videos, so I've cut back on some. In between I don't

know what to do with myself until I go over there later at 7pm. She has lots of people visit and drop off

bottles of wine etc. She is feeling the love, which is great news.

Go over to Louise's for 7pm. Matt has set up a fire in the middle on chairs which are distant from each

other. I've brought a bottle of wine, my own glass and a flask of tea as its chilly and I don't want to get

drunk.

Louise's friends arrive, all the ones from our lockdown spice girl video. It's lovely. Lou's dad calls up with

the bi**h wife and gives Louise some flowers and other rubbish. I do have a nice chat with Louise's dad as

we always do when we are allowed to! The stepmother has lost weight, which I don't compliment her on -

obviously. But Louise later explains that her tooth is bad and she can't eat properly. This cheers me

immensely......maybe I should sell her my temporary filling kit.....for a vast profit!

A couple of hours in and Louise has caned the wine and is falling about. Matt plans a small firework display

in the lane and we all troop out. I hate fireworks but tolerate it for Lou. It's all over in a few minutes and

Louise starts drinking again, almost falling into the firepit. I decide to end the party as it's getting too noisy

at 10pm. Matt walks Louise's friends home and no sooner has he left when Louise needs to be sick. I

bundle her into the downstairs loo and away she goes. Vomiting and gibbering on in between. Eldest

granddaughter Bethany comes down as she's worried about her mum. She sees Louise is okay and

Bethany and I stand in the kitchen. I tell Beth to turn around and then hug her waist tightly. We sort out of

stay in the moment of our first hug in two months, albeit a back to front one. I tell her to wash her hands

and not tell her parents! It was very naughty, but I was careful and the need in me was ridiculously strong. I

won't make a habit of it but oh how I miss her.

 

 

 

 

Ian picks me up and I go straight home to bed.

May 14th 20

I still wake up early but with a massive smile on my face. Relief that Louise's birthday is over and was a

success and the hug with Bethany. I confess to Ian, and he shrugs. He understands as he's missing them

too.

And let’s be honest, with no vaccine imminent, hugging my grandchildren could be years away. That

thought is unbearable to me and them too. My mood daily is mostly positive and 'can do' but just

occasionally I get a dip and reality bites. I mean, this could actually go on for years!!

People are back in work in England, and you just know that the Government just want people to catch it to

create herd immunity. Of course, most will survive it but there will be a lot more deaths which we will hear

about in a month or so. I appreciate only 4% of the population are now immune but it's a terrible decision

but mostly the only solution, so the virus eventually runs its course.

Mid diary, I have just had to rescue a fledging sparrow out of my cats’ mouth after it flew into the bedroom

window. I think it will die but I've put on the greenhouse to catch the sun and keep it safe. Nature is so

brutal, and the irony is not lost on me.

The fledgling has died within ten minutes. I decide to put stickers on the window upstairs to deter them from

flying into the window.

Read an email from HMRC regarding my applying for the self-employment grant. I am still working but the

hall is having building work and we may need to stop going in soon at least for a while. I'd be silly not to

apply. Apparently, the website says I can apply tomorrow.

Go out and clap at 8pm. I feel awful but I'm getting a bit bored of it to be honest. I can't be the only one,

surely? It would be a brave move to stop but what would the neighbours think? I shall continue it.

May 15th 20

A bad night's sleep due to a strange pain in my lower stomach. The pain disappears through the day so

wonder if I've pulled something.

Ian was going to cycling but feels too lethargic to be bothered. His mood is very downbeat and I find it hard

to know what to do.

I'm looking for a comfortable garden chair which is weatherproof and find one on the Argos site. It's

collection only and nowhere local has it, only Blutown Sainsbury click and collect. Plead with Ian to pick it

up, it'll do him good to have a drive. While he's gone I give the house a good clean and then await my new

chair.

The chair is great and looks like a bath chair my nan once had. It's very comfortable and I let Ian sit in it

with a coffee.

 

 

 

 

I take the old chair around to Louise's along with a library book for her to read. They've just coughed an

inflatable hot tub which I've paid towards. They're really hard to find atm as everyone is buying them up,

plus they've gone up in price.

I sit in their garden and the kids eat the fudge I brought for them.

Bethany tells her mum that we hugged on her birthday. I explain that I hugged her back and not from the

front. The middle child then shouts out "Can Nanny take me from behind as well? " The grownups laugh.

I do in fact then hug the children in this way. They stand 2 feet in front with their arms in the air and I

squeeze their waists. It sounds totally bizarre but there's no skin to skin contact and they love it as much as

I do. We are all smiling like looneys.

Apply for the self-employment grant online. It's a real pain as I get kicked off the website a few times, then

have to re-enter all the passwords and information again. Finally, I complete and I'm told I'll get £1087 to

cover the three months. Goodness knows how they work that but it's not 80% of what I earn in one month

never mind three months. I feel for anyone who is the breadwinner in their household because it’s not

much.

Open the late post and I've won £25 on the premium bonds.

Louise rings and has decided she doesn't want a 30th birthday party now when lockdown lifts. Her and Matt

have decided to renew their vows and have a party December 2021 for their tenth wedding anniversary.

That's my girl, 30th over and now on to the next thing. But I guess we all need things to look forward to.

May 16th 20

Another bad night with the pain. It seems to be on my left side and when pressed feels sore. If I lie still with

my knees up it feels OK but walking on lying straight it hurts in waves. I'm really hoping it's a strain and not

something more. I really don't want to have to go into hospital. Ian is irritating me as well. Another tyre is

going down on his car. He's been in and out to different places, but they all say he must order it online and

then they'll fit it. My dad's tyre blew on his car last week. Is someone going around putting nails in people's

ty

I need to go to the allotment today, but I really can't be bothered it. I'll have to take a moaning Ian with me

as what can I do with this pain in my side?

We go the allotment and spend a nice hour or two in the sun. Ian helps me with the shed cleaning, and we

water the plants. Looking across the plots, many are neglected as some people aren't coming at all. For the

first time, my plot isn't the worst!

We drive around a bit looking for some compost for our friends across the road. But the queues at this time,

3pm, are bad so we give up and go home.

Lou facetimes me and all she wants to talk about is her vow renewal in 19 months’ time. I say it's too soon

and we can suspend conversation until July 2021. She's not happy.

 

 

 

 

Make some banana bread and a chilli for tonight, then have a hot bath with a magazine to read.

I've still got the pain and I'll ring the doctors Monday if there's no improvement. I think it's my left ovary and

wonder if it's a cyst.... Or worse.

It's been a 'bleugrh' day today and I'm looking forward to a glass of wine and the TV.

May 17th 20

Still got the pain in my side this morning. Get up before Ian and bring a cuppa up to bed for us both. Ian is

going cycling which I'm pleased about, for his sake. I spend the morning uninterrupted reading the Sunday

papers. Bliss.

Get up at midday and pop a chicken int the oven. Put a wash on as I can line dry it in this wind.

Lou on fb asking for glass hard for renewal. Naughtily, I write 'yawn emoji' in the comments box. She'll

know what I mean. She writes back underneath that I should go to bed! Then deletes my comment! I laugh

knowing she's laughing too.

Set up the illegal film site and we watch 'knives out'. Its good and a bit daft and we enjoy it.

Hot bath and a face pack while reading a magazine. It's been a really zen day and what I needed.

Pop out at dusk and feed Hedgy the hedgehog . I think it's a girl so I'm hoping for hoglets soon.

May 18th 20

Slept badly due to the side pain and my back aching. Plus, during the night, I woke up gasping for breath.

Sometimes it's indigestion that causes it but this time it's the cigarettes, as I've had to give up menthol ones

due to the ban this month. Bloody EU. Are there to be no pleasures anymore? I know I should give up, but I

just can't.

Hobble out of bed but within an hour I'm more mobile again.

Meet Mo at the community room to clean. We barely do anything there as the place is a tip. I see the boss

and confirm that he's happy with us just waving a duster around in thin air until the works finished. He is.

We both know it's for Mo's sake as she needs the money. Unfortunately, our food bank goody lifting is

compromised due to him being there.

 

Pop to the doctors and speak through the window about an appointment for the pain in my side. Computer

says no. Apparently, I can have a phone consultation with a GP tomorrow at 4pm. That's going to be fun as

he can't see me and the bit I'm pointing to. I'm sure they're just avoiding patients. It must be heaven

avoiding the great unwashed.

See Edith, do her legs and water her plants. Finola my cat is already there when I arrive! Honestly, she'll

want an Instagram account next.

 

 

 

 

Come home and cut the grass. I probably shouldn't with my back and side but who else is going to do it. My

friend Juliette facetimes me and we chat for an hour about everything and nothing. I tell her I'll pop over to

see and sit in the garden with her at some point.

I hoover, dust and mop and then go for a walk up and down the street. I've been rubbish about exercise

lately, I just can't seem to be bothered. But I do feel better after my brisk exercise.

Sit in the garden and listen to the birds for a bit before cooking tea.

Ian home from work and we have a fry up. Yummy. We watch an hour on TV and then chat for an hour

about trivial stuff.

Go out and feed Hedgy. She's actually waiting near the dish. Empty the sachet and away she goes. I hover

a bit to watch her. I'm going to be disappointed if she's a boy and there are no hoglets.

May 19 20

I’ve had a good sleep and am up early again. Its bloody rained overnight and all my cushions are wet. Hang

them up on the washing line to dry.

At the supermarket by 8.40am. Straight in! I've worked out going this time is the best. It's been open half an

hour and the early morning queuers are now paying.

Got to get plants for my neighbours, my mum and for Edith.

Get everything and pop next door for actual food for me. It's lovely today, people distancing but smiling as

they go by. See Mo in there with a few bits so pay for her shopping. She's thrilled and so am I.

Come home and deliver the neighbours plants and pop over with Edith's stuff. It's never a quick visit as I'm

always called on to change a light bulb or a battery.

The sun's out so I change into shorts. Prune and deadhead in the garden and then sit out in the sun.

Lovely.

5.50pm

Doctor rings and we chat about my symptoms. She wants to do a CA 125 blood test on Thursday. Being

well read I understand this to be an ovarian cancer test. I feel sick but I know it's the obvious thing. I need

to bring in a urine sample to rule out a kidney infection.

Ian has come home in the middle of the conversation and looks pale. He starts fussing over me and I can

see he's imagining me not being here one day. It's very sobering and I'm terrified. I look up symptoms of

ovarian cancer and I have some but not all. I do have a bloated stomach which came on during the

menopause. I assume and still hope that it's just fat. Oh God.

We watch TV but my mind wanders all over the place. I go to bed with my book and douse the room with

lavender.

 

 

 

 

May 20 20

Slept well surprisingly but did wake early thinking about my health. I feel like I'm about to sit an exam, the

butterflies and tension making me feel nauseous.

I force down breakfast as we are going out to get my hair cut and see my folks. I feel like crying but I must

carry on. I might talk about it to the hairdresser, but I'm not decided yet. I certainly can't talk about it to

Louise as she will freak out. But maybe dad who is pragmatic. My mum can't hear well or is compassionate

and I can't face having to shout it all to her and risk her neighbours hearing about my ovaries. How I long

for a mum like Lou has in me. I feel very alone atm. I don't want to die.

We stop off at Lou's with sweets for the kids. I really want a hug from Lou but it's not possible. Then she

says she wants to hug me as I'm thinking the same. We don't though.

Drive to hairdresser’s house, I've never been there before but the satnav gets us there. As arranged, we

through the back gate quietly. She comes out, offers us a drink which we decline. Her daughters just come

from London, and I don't want to risk it. She has a lovely house and garden and I take a video to show

Edith later.

While she cuts my hair I tell her about my forthcoming tests. She is sympathetic and I feel better just having

my hair cut at least. She says she has done two other ladies in their homes. I warn her to be careful. Ian is

chatting to her husband who does his accounts. It's all very pleasant on this hot, sunny day.

We leave as I shout 'hope it's the right bread?' for the benefit of her neighbours.

We drive up to my parents with their shopping. We make our way around to the back garden and make

ourselves comfortable away from where they will sit. There's not much news from them but I quietly tell my

dad about my problem. He nods and asks me to let him know how it goes.

Come home and text my friend. Arrange to go over with my chair and flask. Spend a lovely couple of hours

chatting about lockdown and I suggest some options for her as she's on the vulnerable list. She's going to

drive to me next if the weather's good and sit in my garden. The change of scenery will do her good.

Come home and Louise is here with the number 4 granddaughter Grace, Ian’s favourite! I see she's been

spoilt and had my best chocolate. It’s worth it to see Ian so happy. Louise stays until 6pm. The other kids

have been facetiming moaning that they weren't brought over. Louise and I send pictures of Grace eating

lollies etc. This winds the other girls up but Lou and I are rolling about laughing.

Have pizza for tea and Ian has a long bath while I listen to the birdsong. I'm certainly ending the day more

positively than I began it.

May 21 20

Wake up at 6am and pee in the sample bottle. Bit blurry eyed but manage to fill the bottle without too much

spillage.

 

 

 

 

Queue for the surgery's window and I'm told to wait in the car and someone will ring me to take me in.

Nobody rings but a nurse comes out and shouts my name. I enter the inner sanctum and the phlebotomist

takes my blood. Apparently as well as the ovarian cancer test, I'm tested for kidneys, liver, and bone

markers too.

I offer her my urine sample but she's saying I'll have to queue at reception window and give it to them.

Bugger! The queue is really long now but I see people I know, and we chat away. I find myself organising

people arriving in the car park and informing newcomers of queue protocols. What is wrong with me? I can't

ever just mind my own business like others seem to manage. If Ian were here, he'd be rolling his eyes. I try

and keep my mouth shut.

I get to the window and the receptionist doesn't want my sample but she's bloody having it let me tell you.

We argue a bit and she takes it, telling me to wait nearby. Five minutes later she shouts across the car park

that its normal. Ordinarily that would be great news but not this time as you can imagine. And because I

clearly can't stop organising, I inform her that the nurse is calling out names rather than ringing us in our

cars.

Come home, tell Ian of events and he's a bit sombre at the news it's not a urine infection. I feel rather

sanguine about it. Have a cuppa and go to Edith' s. I'll be there ages doing her hair, legs and cleaning but

it's good to be busy.

I cut Edith's hair again as I wasn't brave enough to do more than a little snip last time. This time I take loads

off and then wash it. Spend ages putting in a mix of different curlers and put her out in the garden with

willow the cat for company while I clean. It's boiling hot when I rejoin Edith in the garden. Her hair has dried

so I start removing her curlers. Finola has caught a baby bird and it's screaming. I drop everything to

rescue it bit there's so much overgrowth in the back of Edith's garden that I can't find her. I'm ripped to

shreds by brambles when I give up. Go back to Edith on her bench and she remove her curlers with her

moaning in discomfort and the backdrop of a screaming bird along with its parents crying for it. Nature is a

cruel ruler I think not for the first time.

I decide I want an outdoor rug and spot that Lidl have them in this week. I drive down and walk straight in

and get one. Also, an inflatable footstool with a jungle pattern. Ian wouldn't come with me as he swore

there'd be queues, but he was wrong and I happily brought my goodies home for the garden while singing

I'm too sexy for my shirt in the car along with the radio.

Had a chippy tea and a piece of next doors birthday cake.

Clapped at 8pm, yes, I'm still doing it.

Fed Hedgy at 9pm but waited ages for her to come out. Sat there until she did as the cats will eat her food.

I wonder why I make my life harder by adding another dependant to it.

May 22 20

Up early as I want to go to Asda. No queues and I treat myself to new pyjamas and a top. Get myself some

toiletries and books for Edith to give me for my birthday next month. I even pick my own birthday card.

 

 

 

 

In the Asda carpark I spot a Costa coffee open, I point it out to Ian who says it will be shut. We drive over

and it is open. I know Ian loves his coffee so his little face is so lit up. He goes in and gets us one. We drive

home and have it watching the news. He's in a great mood just from a coffee made by someone else!

Nothing planned for the rest of the day but get loads of stuff dried on the line. Put a colour on my hair after

splitting the colour in half to save until next month. It's lovely doing a bit of maintenance and self care today.

I feel quite light and cheery. I even do a little workout in the garden.

Watch the new film 'Emma' with Ian in the afternoon. It's a dodgy site and you can't pause without losing

the film. You can plan by having a wee first but not the phone ringing three times the film. I hurriedly get my

dad off the phone and say I'll ring later. I think he thinks we're having sex.

Ring dad after the film and he wants me to order mum a new duvet from Dunelm. I duly look at the Dunelm

site and spot a sale. I lose two hours buying the duvet and stuff for me. I'm spending a lot this week, but it

takes my mind off my health. Ian is worried enough to be secretly ordering me things for my birthday. I joke

'is it because I might die!?' it's now become a joke between us. I can get him to do anything I ask without

him sighing.

I feed Hedgy a bit late tonight and she's waiting near her dish. She still freezes when I come near but soon

enough starts eating.

Off to bed at 9.30pm with my book. I love this time of day, but I'm interrupted with sounds of violence from

Ian’s programme downstairs. One day I'll succeed in getting him into reading or listening to classical music!

May 23 20

Awake early but rested. Ian brings the papers up and a tea. He's going cycling and I plan to stay in bed until

midday.

Ian does not go cycling as it starts to rain. It doesn't take much to stop him these days. There is no joy for

him in cycling alone.

It rains most of the day, so I find a machine I had three Christmases ago and we take the hard skin off our

feet. It's quite nice having the time for these tasks.

I bake scones and make a Bolognese which we gave for tea.

My sister texts that our parents are still paying the cleaning company. I am horrified, the robbing gits. Fire

off an email to them. Broach it with my dad who is typically defensive. He says all their customers are still

paying. I tell him this is probably untrue.

May 24th

Read the papers in bed as Ian does go cycling this morning. Feeling a bit bleurgh today, probably the bottle

of wine shared last night.

 

 

 

 

Dad rings with his list and tells me he's cancelled the cleaner’s direct debit. I'm not sure if I believe him. We

have a brief chat and tell him I'll see them Wednesday. I will broach the cleaner issue face to face.

Potter about in the garden then sit and read my book. I can't seem to sit still and am up and down moving

pots and weeding.

Have an hour in the bath with a magazine. Here I can relax and get out feeling rested.

I'll be glad for work tomorrow as I have cabin fever now and need a purpose. How anyone has coped with 8

weeks of staying in completely deserves a medal.

Go out to feed hedgy at 9pm, bless her she's waiting for me. Tonight she has fresh chicken and devours it.

I could watch her for hours. She starts scratching a lot. I wonder if you safely deflea a hedgehog I say to

Ian. He rolls his eyes.

May 25 20

Didn’t sleep well as I had indigestion. However, I do note that the pain in my side has gone. I should get the

blood results this week.

Lou facetimes as I get ready for work. She and the kids will bring a picnic up this afternoon and sit on the

front garden. I've got to make a cake later as it's one of the kids birthdays tomorrow. The day is looking full

already - now we're talking!

1pm. The family arrive and I've set up chairs in the front garden. We get Edith out as well as she will enjoy

being with us in a comfortable chair and watching the kids play. For the half hour the kids are a pain with

whingeing and falling off their bikes, but we soon settle down into fun. Maisy who is 8 tomorrow starts to cry

because she can’t hug me. That's it for me. I go in the house and put the hazmat suit on. I come out and

open my arms wide and call them for a hug. Lou is relaxed about it and gets out her camera.

 

 

 

 

 

The older two charge at me nearly knocking me over. I worry slightly about my slipped disks! That's soon

forgotten as I hold them tightly. It's so wonderful to have that contact after 3 months of not hugging them

properly. The eldest, almost 13, normally a typical teenager melts into my hug. There are no words really.

The others take their turn too. The youngest is a bit scared of my suit and is a bit uncomfortable but has a

hug anyway. I do realise how lucky I am compared to other grandparents who've not even seen their

families. But I believe you create your own opportunities and must grab them when you can. I'm definitely a

'Dominic Cummings' personality.

We share about a bottle of wine between the adults and sat in the sunshine with all the people I love, I feel

very contented.

Ian’s friend rings. He's bought 4 fence panels from B&Q but has no way of getting them home. He expects

Ian to sort it out for him. Ian gets stressed trying to hire a van but of course it’s a Bank Holiday. His friend

has to leave them at the store. What a plonker! It's now a problem to be solved tomorrow.

I've got a headache from wine and sun and go to bed early.

May 26, 20

It’s a gorgeous day again and I'm up early. Get out to do the shopping at my new time and there's no

queues. Buy the cats a new toy to play with. Ian says it's pointless as they go out more than us, in fact they

leave the radio on for us.

 

 

 

 

Cycle down to Louise's house for Maisy's party. It sounds very sporty, but I moan all the way as the bike

hurts my lady garden and Ian’s put my saddle so high, I look like I'm riding red rum. I'm scared to fall off and

aggravate my slipped disks and cycle like and old man.

We arrive and the kids laugh at me getting off.

Louise puts on a splendid Jamaican themed party BBQ. They were meant to be in Jamaica right. Not so

secretly I'm glad they are right here. Louise has two glasses of wine and is practically sat on my lap. She

shouldn't drink if she doesn't want to catch covid 19.

Come home and the doctor has left a message on my answer phone. Fuckity fuck! Had forgotten about my

results. I come crashing down to earth. She says she will ring me back in an hour. Ian and I wait by the

phone. We listen to the message again. She sounds like an undertaker in sombre tones. Most unfortunate

for a GP. I look around my garden, will I see it next year? Ian notices the jasmine is growing into the cooker

hood vent and has a go at me! I tell him when I die, he can cut it down. He apologises. I should think so

too.

4pm. The doctor rings.

I am fine!!!!! No cancer markers detected. I've never been so glad to have a fat belly and one not filled with

cancer.

Slightly down to earth again, she thinks it might be diverticulitis and they will monitor that. That I can live

with. Hurrah!

I'm rejoicing alone as Ian gone in to order an inner tube for the kid’s bike. Life goes on.

May 27th 20

Ian’s out early as he's hired a van to pick up fence panels for his friend. His pal suffers from stress and gets

overwhelmed by everything. So I enjoy a quiet morning upcycling a cupboard in the garden.

When Ian gets back, we drive to my folks’ house with their shopping. We spend an hour in their garden.

Due to mum’s deafness everyone in their Cul-de-sac now knows I have diverticulitis. My mum has it too

which I never knew before.

Dad tells me my sister is a volunteer for the...... Co op....! What? Apparently, an hour a week she controls

the queue. I can't believe they don't pay her to do it. What a cheek.

Apparently tomorrow night is the last clap for carers on the doorstep. A sensible decision, I think.

Alison rings from over the road to discuss Edith's birthday cake for Saturday. We chat for ages about other

neighbours and stuff going on. I really like Alison and this lockdown has brought us closer. I think she thinks

I'm completely nuts though. But hey, who doesn't need nuts in their life occasionally.

Just sit down to watch Corrie when Louise turns up with child 2. Bugger. (that's not her name btw).

 

 

 

 

 

Haul my ass out into the garden and give Ellie some treats. Louise and Ellie stay for 2 hours. I go straight to

bed but it's too hot to sleep. I lay in bed in the darkness and think how blessed I am in life. Of course it’s not

always been that way but that makes me appreciate everything all the more.

May 28th 20

Up early and go straight out to get the papers for us and next door as Ian working.

Have breakfast and go over to Edith's to do her legs and clean. I tell her about the fence panel we left in her

garden that Ian and I will fit for her soon. Her last one broke in the winds and she felt very insecure about it.

She's very excited about her birthday on Saturday and sitting in the garden with the neighbours.

England announce that you can meet up in gardens, Wales have yet to announce their plans. I smile

knowing everyone has been meeting up in gardens since April albeit safely (ish).

My outside drinks trolley arrives in a flat pack. I decide I'll assemble it myself. What should take 20 minutes

if Ian did it, takes me over an hour as the instructions are rubbish. But I manage it eventually and feel very

proud. I then spend a happy few hours pottering in the garden. It's looking lovely as most of it is in flower.

Ian comes home and we eat outside.

Having watched the news, we decide tonight will be our last clap for carers. I tell the desperate housewives

that this will be our last clap and I think it will be theirs too. I feel it’s done its job, but you can't do it forever.

Feed hedgy and go to bed. It's so hot upstairs I'm not sure if I'll sleep much.

May 29th 20

Wake early. Get up and wrap Edith's presents ready for tomorrow.

Ian’s in work so I get the papers again. Then I go straight to the allotment and spend a couple of hours

watering and cutting the grass with my push along mower. I take a break and wander along the plots

chatting to the other plot holders. It's really hot and there's a calm, slow atmosphere here. I chat to one

who's wife never leaves the house but reads a lot. I promise to leave some books in his shed for her to read

as the library is still closed.

Pop to the chemist where there is a small queue to pick up a prescription. Have a little chat to my fellow

queue’s while waiting.

Ian and I are having a Caribbean evening with a takeout from a Caribbean restaurant. I order it and he

picks it up on his way home.

I lay the garden table with a tablecloth and chill a bottle of Chablis.

Once he's home I reheat it the food and serve it in nice dishes. The goat curry is wonderful, and we take

our time eating it all. It's a lovely evening and we sit drinking the wine for a few hours. It really feels like an

event on this beautiful warm evening. The garden is in full flower and the scents drift around. I wouldn't

want to be anywhere else tonight.

 

 

 

 

May 30th 20

 

I wake early and stealthy let myself in to Edith's. I put up some birthday banners and put out three vases of

red tulips around the living room. Finola has followed me in and I decide to leave her there as a nice

surprise for Edith when she wakes up.

A couple of hours later I see Edith is up. I take over her card and presents from us.

Edith is in raptures over her living room. She really is so easy to spoil. I sit with her while she opens all her

cards and my present. I stay for a tea and promise to get her at 1pm for a garden get together with the

neighbours.

Set up some chairs and the drinks trolley in Edith's front garden. Louise is coming up too as my street is the

only social life she has at the moment. Edith's daughter and granddaughter are here too, and they bring

Edith out into the front garden. The neighbours come out and Edith is loving the attention. Alison has baked

cupcakes beautifully decorated with Edith's name on. We all sing Happy birthday and Edith laughs with

delight. Later we take her back in as she is hot and tired.

At 4pm I pop back over to see if she’s OK. I hate her being alone on her birthday, but I must go home for

my tea. She's had a wonderful day and I feel happy for her.

Ian and I are in bed by 10pm as the heat has exhausted us.

May 31st 20

Read the papers in bed and chill.

11am. Louise rings in a panic. She'd met her dad for a breakfast picnic in his wife's horse field. She was

eating a punnet of grapes when her daughter noticed lots of baby spiders in the punnet. Everyone told her

not to worry but Louise googled it and as the grapes are from Brazil the chances are the spiders are

poisonous.

By the time she'd got home she has developed a growing rash. Everyone has told her not to worry but as

her mum I'm a bit worried. I tell her to ring 101 and get advice. They advise her to go to A&E. Matt says if

she goes then she can't come home for a week. She must get checked out and Ian takes her.

Ian must stay in the car at the hospital and Lou queues, has her temperature taken 37.1 and is given a

sticker with her temperature on.

She is seen within an hour and the doctor tells her she's had an allergic reaction, possibly to the spiders

and gives her a strong antihistamine. If anything bad were to have happened then it would've happened by

now.

 

 

 

 

Ian brings her here and she strips off and showers while I wash her clothes on 60° and the towels she's

used. She stays for an hour, and we decide she can home to the kids. Fingers crossed it's the right

decision but only time will tell.

Watch TV when we hear a bump outside. Run out and a little sparrow has flown into the bedroom window

and fallen onto the awning. It's twitching and stunned. I leave it there to recover or not before removing it

later. A few minutes later I hear screeching, run out to see a magpie fly down and grab the bird before flying

off. All the sparrows in the garden are tweeting in alarm. It's awful. It takes me 10 minutes to calm down. I

say to Ian that being a sparrow is bad news. If it's not the cats getting them, they are stalked by crows and

magpies, and this year the garden is full of these predators but not sure why?

June 2020

June 1st 2020

Another boiling hot day.

Dad rings and I'm asked to order a chair for my mum from Dunelm. It's such a pain but I order it and

bugger, I end up ordering myself one too in a different colour! I've never managed not to buy myself

something when I order for them. At least my folks pay the posting costs....

Meet Mo on our cleaning job. We do what we can and snaffle some bits from the food shelves. I smuggle

them into my car quickly then we have a ciggie. Mo and I talk about her murdered son this morning as it's

been four years. I remind her how angry she was in her grief. She'd only just started working for me and it

was a lot to handle at the time as she tore through the cleaning f'ing and jeffing. She was frankly quite

scary, but I was patient and felt her grief. She tells me when the murderer is released in 16 years that she

will kill him. She will be 79 then but I believe she will.

Go to Edith's and she's complaining about the heating being off. Jesus! It's 25°! I'm practically in a bikini

and she's sat there with a rug and hot water bottle. I explain for the 500th time that the thermostat will

switch off once it’s hot enough. She's playing dumb so I'm forced to turn it up so it comes on again. Finola

is asking to go out already. Lou turns up then to borrow £20 off me. So she and I walk back to mine and sit

in the garden. I give her back all her washed clothes from yesterday, God knows when I'll see my clothes

back that she borrowed. Or the £20.

Sit down with crossword in the sunshine. Mavis next door calls me over the fence. Irritated, I get up. Bless,

she's got some just cooked beetroot for me. I say thanks. I then spy my other side neighbour and give him

a lolly. So, we're all happy despite having broken a lockdown rule. I consider washing my hands, but I really

can't be bothered.

June 2nd 20

Up early on this last hot day for a while. I message our friends across the road to see if they fancy a drink in

our garden at 7pm. My garden looks so lovely and there's no one to see it. She says 'yes'.

 

 

 

 

Go shopping at my new time and go straight in. But up some nice wine for tonight. I get my dad’s shopping

and chuck in some hand sanitizer and a banana plant I think he'll enjoy.

Alison mentioned she couldn't get gravy browning. But I found some this morning and I was jubilant! Left it

on her doorstep and rang the bell. She came and could’ve kissed me. I bounced home feeling good.

Although I'm not sure if it's me that craves praise or it's normal for everyone. I've always been addicted to it;

it stops me feeling invisible. My old boss used to say I was like a big Labrador puppy trying to please. Not

sure if she meant it as a compliment though... I know I can be irritating sometimes but I do try and

control my urges to help, advise and control a situation. Being 5ft 11 doesn't help. If you are short and

petite people want to look after you but tall means you look capable. Some days I feel petite and want to be

cared for. After 18 years together Ian sort of gets it.

Waiting for the blind man to come and fit a new blind we ordered in early March. I've promised to stay out of

his way. I'm so happy it's being done at last. I'll be having some carpet fitted soon as our fitter agreed to do

it. I had to order it online obviously, I just hope the colour is what I saw. I love getting these improvements

done.

Our neighbours come over for 7pm. I've bought in a quality red and a white wine. They both love a drink,

but I want it to be convivial and not a piss up. I've made a pub sign for a laugh, the 'Ian and dragon arms'.

Geoff has brought his own cider and has had a few drinks already. I make them hand sanitize before

anything. We have a lovely catch up. Ian has a beer first then starts drinking all the red wine. I'm annoyed

because he's a rubbish drinker and he's worse if he mixes grape and grain. Magda soon polishes off the

white wine and offers to get more from her house. I remind everyone it's not a party and pull Ian up on his

drinking. They all tell me I'm a kill joy but I'm standing firm. By 9.30pm they are going home. Ian sulkily

helps me put all the garden cushions away as it's raining tomorrow. I don't take the bait and go to bed,

leaving him in the garden.

June 3rd 20

Speak to Ian about last night and remind him he is half a kidney down from his cancer two years ago. It's a

conversation I'm tired of repeating after every social occasion. He's 60 next year and needs to grow up. I

love Geoff and Magda but they drink far too much and Geoff looks swollen and unwell. I'dve been happy

with cafetiere of coffee last night to be truthful.

An email says my mums chair (and mine) are coming between 12 and 2pm today, so we'll take the

shopping then.

The chairs arrive and Ian puts them both together. They both look lovely. Now mum's chair is here we

gather up their shopping and head for their house. There'll be no dawdling as it's raining.

Mum loves her chair and Ian runs it upstairs for them while touching nothing else. There is talk of them

doing their own shopping. I quickly nip that in the bud with my mother as I know she's the one who'll make

my dad take her. I appeal to her narcissism and tell her I don't want her to get ill. I'm wise to her these days

 

 

 

 

and If I said it would put dad at risk then she would get angry with me. So, she preens and says she won't

go. Phew!

Come home and have an hour on my bed with my book and mobile. I end up ordering a hairdryer hood for

Edith's hair. It should make my life a bit easier.

We have a chilled evening and I force my feet at Ian so he can rub them. I'm missing my reflexology badly.

On the hedgy front. She has forsaken me it seems. I've not seen her for nearly a week now. The biscuits

are untouched. I think she's moved to have her hoglets elsewhere. According to the Internet they do stay in

other places and then suddenly return. I'm disappointed but pragmatic.

June 4th.

Busy 3 hours at Edith's. Hair, leg washing, gerbil cleaning and hoovering. We have a good morning and I

love my job as her carer today.

I see a neighbour down the road filling a skip with big stones. I pop down behind Ian’s back and ask if I can

take some. Ian doesn't approve of my forwardness or my being a skip rat as he calls it. I really can't go past

one without stopping and having a nose. I'll take anything if I think it will prove useful to me.

They give me the go ahead so I walk and get my car. I lift eight stones into the boot completely blasé about

my slip disks.

Get them home and create a quick rockery under the lounge window. It looks great. I decide we could put

some large boulders on the roundabout around the planters from the council. I cannot do this on my tod so

must enlist Ian’s help. We go through the usual moaning and complaints but like a cat waiting patiently for

the mouse to appear, I get my way.

An hour later and the trolley wheels have deflated but the job is done! I promise Ian gosh and chips for tea.

The boss from the community centre rings. Oh bum, it's never good news when he rings.

He knows Mo is cleaning tomorrow. One of his staff is being tested for covid tomorrow after becoming

unwell. My heart sinks.

He asks if Mo can bleach the meeting room upstairs where the girl was working Tuesday and Wednesday.

He requests that Mo wear gloves. 'Good luck with that' I tell him. Mo has never worn gloves despite me

providing them. He loves Mo a lot, certainly more than he likes me. He's very indulgent of her, him being a

middle class socialist.

I promise to pass all this on to Mo.

I ring Mo and tell her. She is completely unfazed and laughs when I mention the gloves. She has asbestos

hands and the bleach she uses will kill anything. Which is true I suppose. I tell her I will let her know the

covid result when I hear.

I get off the phone and inhale lots of lavender as I'm hyperventilating.

 

 

 

 

8pm. No one comes out to clap.

June 5th 20

Ian and I drive to Barry this morning, leaving at 7pm. I want to go to Morrisons for a change of seen.

There's a lot of traffic but it is a Friday and people are going to work I suppose.

No queues to get in Morrisons which is a good start. Buy a few plants and check out the clothes section.

You can see they've closed off the clothes section as you walk in but it's perfectly accessible around the

corner. It makes me laugh that they are seen to play the game of essential shopping but really, they want

you to be able to buy everything else to.

I spot my hair colour excitedly and buy up two more boxes. I'm tempted to buy more but think of others

needing it. And to be honest I have enough to last me to next spring.

Home by 9am and have breakfast. I love our little shopping trips on a Friday, it sets me up for a long

weekend at home.

Son in law rings and wants advice on an outside socket. In other words, he wants Ian to do it.

I go with Ian so I can see the kids. It's windy but the kids come out to see us and get chocolate from their

bampy. Louise is pleased to see me she says. She's bored stuck in with the weather being bad. Bethany

the eldest is restless wanting a hug from me. She cuddles her sister instead, but we do our backward hug

as well, then I end up backward hugging them all.

Get home an hour later and make a cake as I need to use my eggs up. We'll have it after tea.

Alison pops around with her car keys as she needs two slow punctures repaired. She uses the car to take

Neil to chemo every week so I felt we needed to help out. And to be honest I can no longer bear to hear her

manually pump up the tyres with what looks like a balloon pump. It squeaks to buggery. She's asked Ian to

fill up with petrol as well.

Ian then puts up hat hooks in my dressing room for all my wedding hats and fascinators. It creates more

space and I play about with the room happily for an hour. I love these moments of nothingness that covid

has created for me. I mean you swim with the tide, or you struggle, don't you? I'm definitely surfing the

covid wave today!

June 6th 20

Wake early, take a cup of tea back to bed. Its Saturday but yesterday felt like Saturday. I mark the

weekends with tea in bed and no plans for anything in particular.

Ian drops the papers home for me before taking Alison's car to Kwik Fit and filling it up with petrol.

I snuggle in bed as its cold outside today. I read for a bit then stare out of the window for a bit. I go back

and forth with this as I'm enjoying the time to daydream. I read recently that we should surrender to

lockdown and accept what we can't change about it. I think I already do this. I take opportunities where I

 

 

 

 

can to live normally and make the most of the time I can't go the gym or out for a meal. I miss it all but

agoraphobia has prepared me for this. It's actually the first time in 20 years I'm doing more than everyone

else!

Ian’s back. He managed to get one tyre sorted but the other needs the wheel refurbished. He's given the

number to Alison of a tyre place who can pick it up and sort it for her.

I facetime my friend Juliette. She's the friend who is caring for her terminally ill brother. We talk for over an

hour. She tells me she went to Tesco last week at 3.30pm. By the time she'd unpacked and disinfected

everything before putting it way, it was 9.30pm! She was exhausted and went to bed. We laughed about

the event that is food shopping these days. She was ordering online but was fed up with the substitutions. I

feel sorry for her predicament, she's barely seeing anyone and nursing her brother. Her neighbours are still

having parties all the time and despite her humour I know she is struggling. Ian and me will definitely visit

when the weather improves.

12pm. I get up and dressed finally. I pop over Edith's as I don't like her going a whole day without contact of

some kind. I stay for a tea and some chocolate from her birthday presents.

Come home to a delivery. It’s a dress in a sale which I try on and it's looks lovely on. I'm into wrap dresses

now as they flatter my belly which is bloated from diverticulitis and not fat...

Ian loves the dress and I match it with shoes and a hat for the upcoming weddings that have been

postponed til next year and even 2022.

I’ve got more stuff ordered that will hopefully arrive soon. I'm spending a lot lately, but I must keep the

economy going - that's my excuse anyway.

June 7th 20

Slept in til 7.40am. That's positively a lie in for. Read the Sunday papers in bed until 11am. Shower and

wash my hair with my new beauty bag items that arrived yesterday. It must be as girl thing where I try

everything in one sitting. I feel totally pampered by the time I come downstairs. Ian doesn't take a blind bit

of notice of course.

I decide to get the vax out and wash the rug. I only did in March but the waters dirty again already.

Potter in the garden and pick three strawberries for breakfast tomorrow. Hardly self-sufficient but it feels

good.

Dad rings with his list. We have a chat and I've got some aloe Vera plants to bring over on Wednesday. I

took them from the mother plant for him. I still like to give him a new toy every week.

Nobody else rings or facetimes today which Is fine by me.

June 8th 20

 

 

 

 

Pop to Tesco to get the papers. Somebody pips me to the disability space which I use as I have

degenerative disk disease and have a blue badge for. I'm really annoyed as a young woman takes out her

small child from the back. I block her in by parking behind her. She looks at me quizzically. I explain that

she's taken a disability space of someone who needs it. She replies that there is no space mother and child

space. I'm staggered and tell her that a disability trumps having a child! She argues no more and avoids me

once we are in the shop.

Then on the cleaning job with Mo. The sick woman last week tested negative, so that's a relief. We do what

we can as the plasterers are working there now. Then we finish up with a cigarette outside. She tells me

she has a 17-year-old lad staying with her while he's on bail. I'm curious and ask what's he done? Well,

apparently, he's accused of stabbing someone. This surprises me as Mo's son was stabbed to death. She

sees my face and tells me he's innocent. But how do you know I ask? I've seen a video of it and this lad

walks differently to the one in the video. It all sounds a bit strange, but I do ask if the boy had a covid test

before moving in with a 64-year-old woman? Apparently, he didn't. Wow! How irresponsible of the police.

Go to Edith's. Finally take down her birthday cards and throw out the dead flowers. She wouldn't let me

before today, bless her she wanted to prolong the celebration.

Louise pops over to Edith's to see me. Actually, she wants to borrow £30 plus she's showing off hair

extensions that bought of eBay. Unfortunately, they are moulting all over the place. Within minutes there's

hair all over Edith's kitchen, stuck to Lou's dress and Finols is sneezing. Louise is staying loyal to them

though and brushes off my laughter.

Once home, I see Ian sweating. He's getting stressed over Alison's wheel. He's taken it off and taken it

down the garage but they've said there's nothing wrong with it. He's not happy. Then he starts getting

stressed over Louise's outside socket and Edith's fence panel. He always does this, and I have to mentally

slap him around the face as he gets hysterical. All of it can wait and we'll do one job at a time. He calms

down then.

I find it interesting that a man and woman change roles in midlife. A menopausal woman becomes more

like a man and the man becomes more in touch with his emotions. This is definitely Ian and me. I quite

enjoy being the calm one after a tumultuous menstrual life.

June 9th 20

Food shop completed with relative ease this morning. Ian’s home to help unload which is helpful.

Ian wants to start this job at Louise's this morning. I agree to go around in my own car and see the kids for

an hour as the sun's out.

While sat in their garden my son in laws sister turns up. She’s been to the range and bought a boiler suit

and masks. She desperately wants to hug the kids and puts it all on.

The kids all run in for a hug, she hugs her brother for ages as they're really close and then Louise. Not to

be left out I want a hug even though we've never hugged in 10 years of knowing her! We have a lovely hug

as it turns out.

 

 

 

 

We chat for an hour and then I go home leaving Ian there to finish off. Louise has given me a neglected

planter which I potter with joyfully in the garden.

Watch a bit of George Floyd's funeral but can't cope with all the praise be singing. I have mixed feelings on

this man which can never be voiced for fear of offence. He shouldn't have died like that, no question. But

he's being canonised which isn't acceptable. He held a gun to a pregnant woman's stomach amongst other

wrongdoings. I hope this is all forgotten soon as it makes me uncomfortable.

June 10th 20

Wake up grumpy. Ian’s been off for 8 days and we're getting on each other’s nerves now.

I need to risk the queues at B&Q to get compost today. With dread we arrive at 8. 30am but we walk

straight in. I'm so excited to go to the garden bit. Ian goes to electrical and we agree to meet by the car

later.

I get my compost and some plants which I neither need or have room for. It's so lovely being here after so

long. I shout 'Good morning' cheerfully to staff as I go. They all smile at me indulgently. I think they get I'm

excited. The cashier asks if I work with the NHS. I smell a discount in the air. I honestly say no but that I'm

a carer. Well it is true, I care for Edith! I get 10% off my total.

We then drive to my folk’s house with their shopping. It's a miserable day and we don't hang about too long.

Mum gives me a bag of stuff she doesn't want, and dad gives me three clothes rails to sell or give away.

Ian is not happy as he bundles them into the car. I can't be bothered to sell them so I must find someone to

have them. Louise doesn't want them so I ring Mo who works for me. Hurrah, she wants them. I tell her

keep them or sell them it's up to her. Ian drops them around to her. He's gone ages. When he gets home

he says Mo was very chatty. They worked together once when I slipped two disks in my back, and he

covered for me. I know Mo didn't enjoy working with him as he just wanted to clean and go with no chatting.

Ian doesn't do small talk and Mo loves a natter! I'm glad he stayed for a chat with her, I'm proud of him.

However, I can't wait for him to go to work tomorrow....

Louise facetimes and the kids are moaning in the background they're hungry and out of squash. They

manipulate me badly and they know I'll take action. I shout to Ian that Grace his favourite hasn't got any

squash to drink and he should take some around. He takes the bait and I add some yogurts and biscuits to

his load. It’s not hard to see where the kids manipulation genes come from.... I tell Louise to get Grace to

take the stuff off him at the door. The other kids bundle her out to meet bampy as they want their want

goodies.

Ian comes back smiling. Job done.

Watch a Netflix film in the afternoon as its pouring with rain outside. Then we have pizza for tea and a glass

of wine.

Louise facetimes again as I'm heading for bed. Arghh! She tells me the eldest school will reopen at the end

of June. She would go back one day a week. Lou worried about the world reopening. I and Ian tell her the

kids must go back to school and my son in law needs to go back to work as well. They all need to see

 

 

 

 

friends and catch up on their work. I can see her face and she's getting anxious. It's too late to be talking

about this and I advise she shelves the worries for tonight and think about it all tomorrow.

June 11th 20

Ian in work today. It’s nice to have the house to myself this morning.

Go to Edith's. One of the two remaining gerbils is on her way out. We watch her panting and looking

miserable and we both feel sad. I feel sorry for the one that will be left, I don't think she'll last long left alone.

Which is how I feel about Edith. The gerbils have been great company for her for nearly three years and

she chats away to them when no one else is there. I wash Edith's legs and hoover.

I come home and the postman's left two parcels for me. One is a present for father’s day for Ian. The other

is a stool I ordered but it’s the wrong colour. It’s from eBay and it’s a real hassle when the orders wrong. It

seems to happen a lot lately. I think the sellers are getting careless with so many orders during lockdown.

I dig out the printer so I can print off the return label, it's a real faff when I'd planned an hour reading my

book while the house is quiet.

Before I know it, Ian’s home. The days fly past, it seems to go from 10am to 4pm in an hour. When I

worked full-time the time dragged most days until home time. Since being home more I can waste a day

doing bits and bobs. I wonder if the furloughed employees feel the same. I bet they're loving being home. I

feel like the best kept secret is now out. Anyone over 40 will start to review their working lives now. They

will want change.

June 12th

I entered an ITV competition yesterday. They will ring between 8.30 to 8.50am if you win.

I didn't win.

Have a ciggy in the garden when I spot a hedgehog. It’s too small for hedgy.

 

 

 

 

 

It shouldn't be out in daylight, but I monitor it and give it food that it doesn't touch. I'm going out so I'll l pick

up a large box in case I need it.

I'm out for an hour, get a box from the shop and see that she's still sitting in the same spot. Somethings

wrong.

Being a wimp I'm too scared to pick her up so I grab a neighbour two doors down. She’s transitioning into a

woman, but I can't remember her new name. It's a bit awkward but she helps me put the hog in the box. It

doesn't put up a fight. I've lined the box with fleece and cover her over. There's fresh water and cat biscuits

too. I pop her in the garage where it's dark and quiet.

After speaking to hedgehog rescue they want a picture. I open the box and her head is on its side poking

through the fleece as if she's in bed. She flinches as I uncover her gently to take the picture. I then recover

her and let her sleep. All the rescue centres are full, but they'll stay in touch with me.

I start hoovering and Edith rings. I'm in a right mood now as I can't seem to do anything without disturbance

or drama. Edith says the gerbil has died. She's whittling on and can't hear me speak. To my great shame I

put the phone down. I know I have to go over straight away and remove the gerbil for the sake of the other

one. But that means I have to clean the whole cage out as well.

Edith can see I'm irritable but still follows me around while I remove the gerbil. It's as hard as a rock and the

other gerbil has attacked the corpse as there's blood everywhere. It's a nightmare and now I'm boiling hot in

Edith's 27 degree house. I take my top off while I wrestle with the cleaning. Edith seems rather alarmed that

I'm just in my bra, she's clearly forgotten her own menopause.

I Pop the other gerbil back in, apologise to Edith for being bad tempered and come home.

I bury the gerbil next to the other two praying I don't dig the other two up by accident.

A message. Someone from the hedgehog hospital should be picking up Maple (after the tree I found her

under) later for a check-up. They should drop her back to me again, I hope anyway.

Finally, at 2pm I lie on my bed and start the crossword.

I get a phone call from the hedgehog woman in Blutown who will come and assess Maple. I give her my

address and they will be here soon.

A couple arrive and examine Maple. The man gently throws her up and down until she unravels. He checks

her sex first. It's a boy! Now named Richie. He's got ring worm and an infection of some kind. They're

taking him but say they'll release him back to me if he lives. They examine my garden and take pictures!

The man loves my garden and asks if they can release other hogs that can't go back to their original site.

I'm very flattered and agree. The hedgehog den I made is like the ritz I'm told. I am the hog father! I'm glad

Richie is being cared for, it’s a weight off my mind that I did the right thing.

It's been an exhausting day, I tell Ian. I'm done in and go to bed at 9pm. Ian’s not far behind me after a 12

hour working day.

 

 

 

 

June 13th

Feel a lot brighter today after a good sleep.

Ian goes to B&Q early to pick up some bits and get Edith some new led light bulbs. She's been panicking

that you can't get her type of bulbs now and she only has two working bulbs left on her living room

chandelier. There has been talk of changing her beloved light but with a sad face.

Ian comes home with six bulbs and though it's early I decide to fit them for her as a surprise.

I let myself in to her house, I can hear getting dressed upstairs. I fit the bulbs and try the light. Bingo, they

all work. I shout up that I'm here and I'll put the kettle on. I'll stay for a cuppa with her, I need to make up for

yesterday's bad mood.

As she descends the stairs, I tell her I have a surprise for her. She's like a big kid with a huge smile. Edith is

very easy to spoil, always has been.

I switch on the light and she's ecstatic! My heart fills with love and happiness at seeing her grinning. I make

the tea while she coos over the lights.

I come home. Ian puts a wheel back on Alison's car now it's been repaired. Finola is scampering about in

the street happily and the sun is out. The birds are singing, and my world is good.

My mobile rings. It’s the Blutown hedgehog carer and she tells me Richie didn't make it. I'm sad but not

surprised and I'm glad he died in a warm, safe place and not in my garden ill in the pouring rain. Yesterday

it was torrential. I update Facebook and everyone puts on sad faces at the news.

I go for my brisk walk but don't get far before I'm in conversation with various neighbours. It's very hard to

get out of breath when you keep stopping! But it's lovely to have such great people in my street.

A delivery arrives. It’s a flash mop. I shall explain. Two weeks ago, I was bored and joined a group that

tests products and writes reviews etc. I applied to test the mop because it was free and normally coats £30.

I put it together and had a go. To be fair it was brilliant and will halve my mopping time in future. Of course,

the deal is I have to write about it and take pictures. So, Ian films me mopping the kitchen floor and I'm

oohing and ahhing and saying it's brilliant. So, for fun I take a picture of Ian in an apron mopping with my

feet up in the forefront of the picture. I caption it wittily. I can't upload the video to their site so I have to put it

on Facebook and copy this company into it, so they see I'm showing it off. It's all a bit embarrassing as

people will probably work out why I'm doing it. After all, who puts on fb themselves mopping?

An hour later, I check on fb. Amazingly, no one thinks it’s odd. There are loads of comments on where I got

it and how much is it?

I show Ian, he can't believe it. He tells me I'm an influencer now! I think I am too! For fun I put the

picture of Ian up in my apron. He receives lots of laughs. I hope the mop people see this and let me test the

electric toothbrush I also applied for...

 

 

 

 

We have dinner, open a bottle of wine and watch a romantic comedy on Netflix.

We have a bit of romantic time together if you know what I mean but oddly my male cat tries to join in, not

literally but sitting and watching us. This is not the first time, he's done it quite a lot since lockdown began.

Ian said he's insecure, but it is a bit strange and beginning to feel like a 'menage trois'. What is wrong with

our household??

June 14th 20

A quiet day. Ian once again opts out a cycle ride. I know he's glad it's raining but I can't force him. We've

both become lethargic about exercise. He misses his cycling buddies and I miss my gym class friends. It's

going to be a while before we see them again as both are sport friends are all over 60.

A chilled afternoon and then an early night as we both have work tomorrow.

June 15th 20

I didn't awake til 7.10am. That's a lie in for me. I was up and dressed as the carpet fitters coming finally.

I let him in, then dash off to clean the community centre.

Mo and I fly through it again. We nab some odds and ends from the food shelves and then have a quick

ciggy.

I need to pop into the GPs to renew my prescription. I organise a telephone appointment for Thursday. As I

get in the car, Edith's other neighbour calls me to say Edith thinks she’s been burgled! What?

I race home, tell the fitter where I'm going and he comes with me to check Edith's house over.

Edith is really shaken, and I are ask her to tell me what happened. She says that a woman in a nice dress

about 35 years old is going through all her paperwork. I ask if she checked her handbag and if she knows if

anything has been taken? Nothing has been taken or disturbed. Mmmm? I think. I ask Edith, might it have

been a dream? It was so vivid though, she replies. I tell her all dreams are vivid if you are woken in the

middle of it. It seems this is what's happened as the woman just disappeared....

A black cat is drinking milk in Edith's kitchen. I query this with her. She tells me Finola got in during all the

fuss and she wanted a drink. I inform Edith this is not Finola but Alison's cat next door.

I make Edith a tea and a fresh hot water bottle and walk home with the fitter. I pay him and thank him, then

go back to Edith's. She's calmer now and feels a bit silly. She's had 3 people in her house in the last hour,

not including the 'burglar' so hopefully she's not covid doomed. I ring her daughter just to update her. Then

check on the solo gerbil and feed her some blueberries. She seems quite chirpy considering. Edith is

feeling better, so I leave.

I come home and clean up the fitter’s mess and stuff the old carpets in my bin and my neighbours. The bin

men are due today. I have a good hoover and mop and then make a coffee with the machine. I'm

absolutely jiggered after an eventful morning. It's only 11am!

 

 

 

 

A lovely, sunny afternoon sees me gardening and picking red and black currants. I make a jelly with them

for tomorrow's dinner.

Louise collects the leftover carpet for the eldest grandchild’s room. Bethany’s the eldest accompanies her.

Bethany and I have a massive hug and despite being 12, she sits on my lap. This may be a shock diary but

with the kids starting back at school on June 30th, we have a small window of opportunity to be together

properly. Once school starts, Ian and I will be shielding from them until at least two weeks after the summer

holiday starts. I feel this is sensible although others may disagree. On Wednesday I'm having all five kids

here for the day.

June 16th 20

Up early and ready for the big shop at 8.15am. When I get there, I see queues. My heart sinks. I've been

spoilt the last few weeks but I'm here now.

Once I park the car and feel myself rushing to get all my shopping paraphernalia together - token, mask,

gloves and bags. I can see the queue growing and I'm cursing trying to fit the mask, then I drop the trolley

token and can't find it as it’s gone under the seat. I've still get to get the trolley yet before I can join the

queue. I realise I'm being ridiculous; I've got all day if needs be.

I wait about 20 minutes before getting in. My mum wants random things I'm not sure I can get here. I do

manage some bits. I'm sweating in my mask, and I pull it away for a moment, carefully not touching my

skin. I take a moment then rest it on my face again.

I pay and chuck it all in the car bore going into Lidl for the food. Its fine here, quite quiet, and sedate. Get a

load of rubbish for the kids tomorrow to eat. I should buy healthy but when it's five children demanding food

and drink, it becomes a case of putting out small fires quickly to settle them down.

Takes me ages to carry it in the house and unload. As I'm getting bags in, Edith is waving and trying to tell

me something. I wave and mouth back I'll pop over in a minute.

I take some UHT milk for Edith and ask what she was saying through the window, as after yesterday I was

a bit worried. Oh, it was just your blouse was so nice!

Go for a little walk up and down the street. I don't see anyone out which makes a change. My hip is stiff, so

I cut it short and do a few weights in the back garden. It's too hot so I give up and have an ice lolly.

Ian’s home and we eat dinner watching the news. A steroid has been trialled and is able to reverse serious

effects of covid!! Only when we watch the segment does it say it can save 1 in 25 cases. Oh, what a

disappointment. Apparently out of the 41000 who have died, it could've saved 5000 deaths. Which of

course is great but not the cure all we'd first thought.

Dad rings, can I order my mother one of those mops. She'd seen my video on Facebook earlier today using

it. I wish I was on commission....

June 17th 20

 

 

 

 

A busy day looms. Pick up the three older grandchildren and drive to my folks with their shopping. My

parents are surprised to see the kids and initially wary. I heard them round the back gate in the garden.

Mum and dad sit by the back door and the kids loll all over me and Ian on the garden bench. My parents

soon relax as the kids are primed on social distance and behave. Though the kids can't get enough of Ian

and me and they're so tucked in to us, we're practically wearing them!

After an hour or so, we come home, and Ian gets the two younger ones. I'd forgotten the sound and mess

levels of having all these children in the house, after three months. Thankfully it's dry and they can play in

the cul de sac, which they do. I wonder what judgements we're getting from the neighbours at the kids

being here.

Every now and again, I grab a child for a hug. I must get my quota in before they go back to school, and Ian

and I shield from them.

I try and do a bit of school-work with them but it's pointless as they're too excitable. They try and get me to

let them stay over but in truth Ian and I are exhausted, but I promise I'll have three next Wednesday and

two Friday night.

After 7 hours Ian drops them home while I clean the house.

We go to bed at 9pm as we're too tired for TV or any conversation.

June 18th

Get up at 7am and watch the rain with a cuppa. Bliss.

Go over to Edith's house. This is always a busy morning as I've got her hair to do as well as the other

chores. I wash her hair and put them in curlers and then try the new hairdryer hood. I fix it to the hairdryer

and switch on. Oh my God, she looks like Tutankhamun! It rises so high on head; it practically takes off. I

end up creating some hair holes to stop it rising. It's not perfect but it saves me standing for ages with the

hairdryer.

I send her upstairs and get started on the cleaning. It's then I notice the ant infestation by the lounge

window. Literally thousands of ants. This explains why I see her banging the window with her glasses case

lately. I ring Ian to come over. He duly seals the holes by her windowsill with sealant and we spend 20

minutes hoovering up ants. Her curtain is infested so I take it down and put it on a hot wash.

Once she comes down, I explain what we've done. She's so relieved they're gone. She didn't want to tell

me as I do enough already. I tell her off for being silly. I explain her window is rotten and she will need a

new one. I will inform her daughter to arrange it.

I come home tired and sweaty so shower and wash my hair.

Ian and I watch a film in the afternoon as its pouring with rain still.

Tomorrow, we are going off grid and having a 'night away' but staying at home. We are re-enacting a stay

in a hotel with a meal out. We both miss our nights away so this will be fun.

 

 

 

 

Early night again.

June 19th 20

Text my sister a 'Happy Birthday' when I get up. We don't have a great relationship, but I know lockdown

birthdays can be a bit crap. She texts back that she and her partner are off to his caravan in the Mumbles.

Ooh, I love an illegal trip. I tell her to be careful but to enjoy the change of scene. Clearly law breaking is

genetic.

Ian and I begin our night away in or as someone on Facebook said 'home and away'. We start off shopping

in Marks and Spencer as we always look in the shops when away.

The next part is lying in our hotel room rooming watching a film and eating chocolates and drinking

champagne. We laugh that we've brought the cats with us as they've joined us. Ian surprised me with a film

I wanted to see before lockdown - The personal history of David Copperfield. We have a lovely afternoon

being lazy and stuffing our faces.

Ian has ordered a set meal for two from our local Indian takeaway and I lay the table using a tablecloth and

light candles. The cats are a pain and this is why I never take them on holiday, I tell them.

The food arrives and I put on some music. We have a convivial evening and drink a second bottle of wine.

We listen to music until 9.30pm and go to bed as Ian is falling asleep. The joy of this stay-at-home night is

that I can go to my own bed and not listen to his snoring! Bliss. It's been a lovely day and it felt like a treat.

June 20th 20

Wake up refreshed. Even though we didn't go anywhere I feel like it's at least been a change of routine. I

warm croissants for breakfast and then wash all my bedding as full if crumbs from yesterday.

I need to do some admin today, so I dig out the laptop and printer and spend a stressful few hours doing

invoices and scanning documents to email. I'm quite bad tempered by the end of it.

Louise rings for advice. There will be no new shielding letter for their asthmatic child, their doctor says it's

diabetes and not asthma that is the death knell for Covid-19. I tell her it's time they got back to normal and

Matt went back to work. So he is, probably even this coming week. His mum has been seeing the

grandchildren as normal this, as I have. But Louise tells me that she will continue seeing them even once

they start school. This is very foolish as she has diabetes, is very overweight and has other health

problems too.

Ian and I watch the Salisbury poisonings, all three parts in one go. It's really good and we're struck by the

coincidences to Covid 19. It's funny seeing the locals all complaining about the shops being shut and their

lives being turned upside down. Little did they know what would happen two years later!

June 21st 20

 

 

 

 

Its Father’s Day. I make Ian a tea in bed. Then he comes down and opens his two cards. One from Louise,

one from the cats. I've bought him a box of craft ales. He loves them and reads every label. It goes over my

head, this beer thing. But I equate it to a box of beauty products, as that's what I love .

Louise comes around with a cycling logo T-shirt which he loves. She's brought his favoured grandchild with

her. It's quite made his day.

Ian hasn't gone cycling yet again. I mention it and he says he'll go tomorrow or Tuesday. I pretend to fall

asleep and he gets a bit cross with me. But honestly, I couldn't keep him in before lockdown.

I cook lunch with plenty of vegetables. My diverticulitis is playing up after all the rubbish I've eaten over the

weekend. We watch some catch up TV and chill out. I've got a busy week of work and having the grandkids

over two separate nights. It's going to be a long few days.

June 22nd 20

Edith's trees are being cut today. As I have to work, I've put Ian in charge of overseeing the job.

Get to the community centre and do what I can with Mo's help. Two more weeks of building work then we

will be back to normal. We won't know what's hit us with all the extra work again.

Once I get home, I go straight to Edith's. The trees look better already, and Edith is okay with them being

shorter than she wanted. I got my way on that as it seems pointless spending £500 and showing no

difference. I have a lovely chat with the tree guy and his assistant. It's always a treat to see new face's and

have new conversations during lockdown.

Have a chat with Alison and Neil on my way back about my birthday next week. Should we have a get

together in the street. I'm touched but although the weather is hot this week, I'm not sure if it'll last into next

week. I tell her I'll have a think about it.

I'm having reflexology today. I've nagged the girl who does it for weeks, even sending texts from my feet

telling her they miss her. Finally, she relented.

It's lovely to see her when she arrives. We both hand sanitizers and I sanitizer my feet too!

We have a lovely catch up and she tells me about her new lockdown job. She delivers veg boxes all over

Ystrad and Elyrch. She has me in stitches telling me she's rubbish at it. She has left the work iPad on the

roof and driven off with it being thrown on the A470. She's also reversed into a tree in the work van. Added

to that, she's continually delivered the wrong boxes to people. She can't understand why they've kept her

on. Neither can I!

After the hour I'm totally relaxed and wave her goodbye. It's a shame I have to cook dinner now. I'd get Ian

to do it but by the time I explain, it's quicker just to do it myself.

June 23rd 20

 

 

 

 

Wake up to a beautiful, sunny day. It feels warm already and its only 6.30am. Watch breakfast TV for a bit,

then get washed and dressed.

I'm doing the food shop and get down to Aldi’s for 8.30am. Its blissfully quiet and shopping is a doddle. Pop

across to farm foods for some bits and the flash mop in there for a bargain price. I take a quick picture to

post on fb. I'm hoping with my influencing I may get the electric toothbrush I applied for, to test and review.

Ian’s at home and helps me unload the shopping. He looks at my chest and tells me my bra is completely

on show. Oh my good God! I've been shopping like this! I must have burst a button at some point. Bloody

lockdown weight gain. Ian’s just laughing at my embarrassment.

Then he tells me............ he's going cycling! Hurray for that.

I'm out in the road chatting and gossiping with next door. Alison comes to see my garden at the back and

we chat plants for a while. I see her eyeing my tomatoes, they're doing really well compared to hers.

It's really hot and I change into shorts. I spend a pleasant hour dead heading and moving plants about.

Then I flop on a sun chair and have a coffee.

Ian’s cycles home, its 28° and he's exhausted. He tells me one of the Café’s is open in town for takeaway

coffee. We plan to visit it next week.

Watch Boris on the brief. All the pubs are opening soon. We both think this absolute madness and not

something we would do if restrictions lifted in Wales. I would have a pub lunch in a beer garden but that's

it.

June 24th 20

A busy day today. We take the bit of shopping to my parents quite early as its going to be very hot, 30°.

We sit in their garden with a coffee and I tell my parents to start safely going out now. They hungrily agree

and will shop for themselves next week. We'll do this until the Autumn and then review it again. We stay an

hour, but I need to visit my allotment before it gets too hot, so we say our goodbyes. Before I go, mum

gives me a load of clothes she doesn't want. Looking at them on the way home, they are either circa 1970

or have food stains on them. Yeah, thanks Mum.

I take the Strimmer and my pumpkin seedling and arrive there just as everyone else is leaving due to the

heat. I sweat cutting the grass back, then plant my pumpkin before picking produce. I fill up with

raspberries, rhubarb, gooseberries and strawberries. I look to the adjacent plot which hasn't been tended to

this year and spy the cherry tree. It's groaning with ripe cherries, and I furtively make my way over.

Because I'm tall I can easily reach them and start filling my trug. They'll only get eaten by birds if I don't pick

them!

A father and son arrive by my plot and ask me about my plot and how do they get one. I explain to them

both how to do it. The son is very chatty, but the father completely ignores me. He speaks English, so it's

not that he can't understand me. His son says his dad is the local Imam in the mosque. He clearly has no

 

 

 

 

time for women though and I bristle on the double standards of racism. I wonder how long he'd last down

here with the strong, independent lady plot holders! Not long at all!

The kids ride their bicycles to my house. I'm sort of dreading having them overnight as I haven't had them

since February. It's a lot of work. They make a mess and are constantly wanting food.

The kids ride in the street and certainly wake up my sleepy, hot street. God knows what the residents think,

me having them stay.

We eat spaghetti bolognaise in the garden and ice cream. They're hot and sweaty so I shower them all. Ian

sits and watches football on the TV. It annoys me that I do the lion’s share of looking after them. I make him

take them up to bed and read a story. It's 9pm but it's so hot upstairs, they won't settle at all. I go up,

followed by Ian and by 10pm all is quiet. None of us sleep much as its hot and still all night. Poor Ian has to

be up at 5am for work.

June 25th 20

I'm up at 6am and tiptoe downstairs. I want at least an hour before the girls wake up. I make a tea and sit

peacefully in the garden. It's hot already and it's going to be 31 degrees later.

Once the girls come down, I make a pan of porridge and get the girls to pick redcurrants from the garden. It

does make a nice scene watching them doing something wholesome. I want them to have these memories

to look back on one day. Memories of grandparents’ comfort in later life in my experience.

I take them home by following them in my car while they ride their bikes. I pop to the shop to get the papers

then come home. I need to cut the grass before the weather breaks tonight. I drag out the mower and do

the lawn. I'm sweating and exhausted through lack of sleep. I'm actually shaking but I finish and come in for

a cold drink. I've still got to do Edith's yet.

I clean Edith's upstairs and wash her legs. I tell her I need to come and put my feet up.

I make a sandwich and finally sit down and watch TV in front of the fan. It's bliss but I know Ian will be

suffering in work with this heat.

Have to go to Edith' s as she can't close her front door. The heat has expanded it but I manage to close

eventually. Tell her not to open it again. Then I come home.

Ian comes home a sweaty mess. He showers then we have tea and sit tiredly in front of the fan. Ring Edith

to see if she has Finola in her house as I've not seen her for hours. Edith says she can't shut her front door.

I'm really peed off with this news. I know she’s 91 but she thinks I'm here to look after her 24 hours a day.

I'm hot and tired and curse as I go over. Edith is flapping and says she'll have to get someone to look at it. I

explain it's the heat, but she can't hear me. I'm on the edge. I shout to go in and not to open the door again

today as I wrestle the thing shut once again. I know she old but I can't cope on days like these.

We're too tired to watch any television. I go up to bed at 9pm. Upstairs is absolutely roasting despite

keeping the blinds down all day. How will I ever sleep? I lie there just enjoying the peace but don't sleep for

ages.

 

 

 

 

June 26th 20

Arghh! Wake early and my room is boiling. I have to get up and assume it's as hot as yesterday. It isn't but

upstairs is still baking. I open every window upstairs and it cools over the day.

Get the paper and wash all my windows and front door, all by 9am. I read for an hour or two and brace

myself for having the youngest two grandchildren later.

Louise brings them round and after a cuppa, goes home. Ian’s home early so we eat dinner with the kids. I

have a bath laced with lavender and magnesium and the kids jump in after I get out. It's a good move as

the lavender and magnesium should knock them out come bedtime. I lie on the bed nearby and listen to

their conversation. They're playing mermaids with their barbie dolls and telling each other’s dolls to stand

back or they'll get the corona virus. So funny hearing how the corona virus has affected a 3 year old and a

5 year olds lives and it's become so matter of fact to them now.

Take them to bed and make up a fairy tale using them as princesses. Kiss them good night. I'm up and

down the stairs three times fetching stuff they want before becoming firm with them. It's been 20 minutes

and all seems quiet...

June 27th 20

Kids awake at 7am. I awoke at 6.30am but lay there quietly before the onslaught began.

Did the kids breakfast and then let them play. Within an hour they'd got out every toy both upstairs and

down and argued with each other. The constant whining, crying and general young child noise is mentally

exhausting. I love them dearly but I'm wondering what time they can go home without me looking bad. I

think about 1pm should be about right.

Time drags. It’s raining outside so we're stuck in. But soon it's 1.30pm and I text Louise to say they're

coming back. Ian drops them back and I start the cleaning. An hour later and the house is straight once

again.

I decide to colour my roots in readiness for my birthday on Tuesday. I was going to do it tomorrow but I

decide I want an indulgent day of rest instead.

Wash the colour off and then run a bath, take a magazine with me and soak for an hour.

Ian suggests a take away tonight which is wonderful news. There's not much left in the fridge and I'm too

knackered to cook. I tell him it'll start my birthday celebrations off. He groans, he hates my birthday as I

expect so much from them and complain if I'm not treated like a princess for a day. He's right, so this year

I've ordered my own flowers for delivery, told him what cake I want, picked my presents and made my own

plans for the day and evening. All he has to do is......... pay.

Watch the new film on Netflix called Euro vision. It’s really good! Have a nice takeaway and glass of wine

then to bed.

 

 

 

 

Louise rings as I'm about to turn off the light. Could I Pick her up from her friend's party? She sounds drunk

and I don't want her walking home alone. So I go out in my nightie, pick her up and drop her home.

It takes me ages to wind down enough to drop off once I'm back in my bed.

June 28th 20

Ian’s not going cycling I can just tell by the atmosphere. I stay in bed and read the papers. He's in a low

mood and I'm finding it depressing to be around him.

I suggest a bit of a cuddle but he rejects me, blaming the stress of my upcoming birthday. This cheeses me

right off as I've arranged everything. I tell him he's down because he has no go for cycling anymore and

that's not my fault. It's clearly affecting his mojo and this has gone on for weeks. I feel quite dejected and

rejected and have for a while the latter part of lockdown. I know he can't help how it affects him but I feel

undesirable. I go on the Internet and buy a load of stuff I don't need to make myself feel better. At this rate

I'll be dried up, skint and bitter very soon.

June 29th 20

My birthday Eve! I keep that thought to myself so as not to set Ian off.

He does seem in a brighter mood this morning. I did tell him last night 'fake it til you make it' maybe he's

listened.

After breakfast I go up to get washed and ready for work. It seems mother nature has gifted me an early

present... Of a period! It's been nine months of nothing where I'd assumed I'd menopaused. But here we

are back at zero again. It's rather odd that I'm not disappointed. I did read that the older you are when

you've menopaused the healthier it is for you. So I'm not too glum. Though, ask me in a few days when I've

flooded the bed or while I've been out shopping!

Work with Mo this morning. We get in the builder’s way as usual waving our dusters about. We leave early

after I've paid Mo.

Pop into Lou's on the way back to see the kids. Last chance to hug the eldest before she starts back at

school tomorrow. She's seriously underwhelmed as usual. All the other children hug me. I arrange to come

at 1pm tomorrow for my afternoon tea with Louise.

Go over Edith's. She's pleased to see me despite my bad mood last week, which I know realise was

premenstrual tension. I wash her legs and we have a cuppa. She gives me a card and my presents to take

home with me. I won't have to time to see her tomorrow but I promise to drop birthday cake off.

I spend the afternoon bidding on a summer dress on ebay. I really like it and stalk the dress and the other

bidders. I win it but at a vastly inflated price. But the heart wants what the heart wants.

While running a bath I plan my clothes for tomorrow. Basically, it's a case of what fits, between putting on

lockdown pounds and having a period, it turns out there's not a lot of options. I persevere and find a couple

of combinations.

 

 

 

 

I'm looking forward to my birthday tomorrow. Ian’s been given a talking to, my friends are calling and plans

are in place. I'm 53 going on 12 but who cares. It's one day and it's my day. I do enough for others so boo

sucks to those that think I'm over the top about it.

June 30th 20

It’s my birthday!

It's raining!

Get up and leave Ian in bed as I want to sit in peace with a cuppa. Ian’s put up some birthday banners

downstairs which I wasn't expecting. They're lovely.

My friend drops a card off on her way to work so we have have a quick chat on the doorstep. She's having

a horrid time in lockdown as her husband is a bully. He's gone back to work so things are a bit better for

her. She still looks strained though and I wish she'd leave him but I can't make her.

Ian gets up. He's taking the eldest grandchild to school. He gets her early and brings her to ours for a

birthday hug with me. It's tinged with sadness as it will be our last hug until the school holidays.

When he gets back I open all my cards and presents. I've been spoiled as usual.

The flowers arrive mid morning and they are stunning. Nobody need know I sent them to myself!

I go to Louise's for 1pm. The afternoon tea is delicious, and we eat them from the boxes they came in! She

has no fancy plates to put them on. It's quite hard eating when you have four kids and the dog drooling at

the food that they can't have! I ended up sharing out the cakes as I felt like Marie Antoinette.

Come home for a breather before my friend comes. She wears a mask, and we have a chat as another

friend calls in. The second friend scares the first one off as she is quite loud and opinionated. I am sad

about this and apologise as I see out. I cut the second friends visit short as I've had enough now.

I go and change for this evening. Ian attempts to order the Caribbean take out but we find they're closed on

a Tuesday. Ian starts to stress but I say we'll have an Indian instead. We check with our friends what they

want and order the delivery.

The wine is flowing when the meal arrives. It's lovely and we move to sit in their conservatory and play

music. Our hosts drink a lot most of the time and I'm careful not to go mad. Ian allows his glass to be filled

frequently and I see how this evening will end. Its late and our friend puts on softer music. A combination of

drink and hormones starts me crying at the music. Our friend is concerned but I know it’s just stress being

released and worry over Ian’s mental state. Ian is out of it now and crossly I tell him to go home. He does,

then comes back for me. I take him home and then ignore him and go to bed. It's all too much and I'm really

drained.

 

July 2020

 

 

 

 

July 1st 2020

Wake up exhausted. Lay there for a bit pondering on last night. I'm not sure what to expect when Ian wakes

up.

Go down and drink three mugs of tea in quick succession. I feel better for it and just sit looking out into the

garden.

Ian comes down looking sheepish. I tell him I'm not cross with him but that I was just upset last night due to

the pressure cooker effect of the last couple of weeks, maybe even months. He sits down and I make a tea

for him. He looks terrible and I suggest a shower and that he goes back to bed for a bit. He does.

I sit quietly, reflecting on the previous day and am happy my birthday is over as is enjoyable as it was. I

prefer others’ birthdays, I decide! I'm already shopping for Ian’s in 3 weeks.

I need to do a food shop today. I'm not feeling it, but we have nothing in. I shower, get dressed and go for it.

Its 11am and I'm concerned about queues as I never shop this late. But I get there, and I walk straight in.

There aren’t any marshals on the door anymore to organise people in and people out. Bit worrying but suits

me today. I have my mask on. I whizz around both shops and get what I need.

Ian’s up when I get back and helps me unload. We sit, have a coffee and a piece of birthday cake. We

seem in a better place today but I'm going to ring his cycling friend Paul tomorrow and try and convince him

to organise a group cycle ride soon. Ian needs his friends and soon.

I spend a happy afternoon putting my birthday things away and tidying my dressing room. I organise my

nail varnishes and throw things out. My energy runs out then and I cook a healthy dinner.

Ian’s got work tomorrow, we're both exhausted and we go to bed at 9.30pm.

July 2nd 20

Enjoy a peaceful house when I get up. Get the newspapers and then go to Edith's.

It's full on doing her hair, legs, and cleaning. She tells me her wedding ring fell down the plughole on

Tuesday. She mentioned it to Ian yesterday when he took her a piece of birthday cake. He took the u bend

apart in the kitchen but found nothing. She tells me today it was the upstairs sink! I ask why she didn't

mention that to Ian? She forgot apparently. Ian will either laugh or cry about that.

I get home, make a coffee and proceed to ring Paul about Ian. We have a lovely chat, and he says he's

ready to cycle with Ian but not the whole group. This is good news. Paul says he'll ring Ian and arrange a

day to go out.

Potter about, then lie on the bed for an hour reading the newspaper.

Have a ciggie in the garden and the old man next door has guests. They inform me over the wall it’s his

85th. I pop in and get my birthday balloon and give it to him over the wall. He's very pleased. We're all big

kids at heart, aren't we?

 

 

 

 

Ian’s home and we have tea. He's tired after a long day. The phone rings and it's Paul. I nip out for a

cigarette but can hear the conversation. Ian tells Paul he's been depressed and not been cycling. I hear

them arrange to go out Sunday. This news lifts me greatly.

I sit back down, and Ian tells me about the call. He then asks me if I rang Paul. I can't lie and I nod. He

seems a little despondent, but I explain that J was mad keen on the idea and no persuasion was needed. I

told him if he wasn't so emotionally retarded, he could've asked Paul himself. Ian laughs and nods. All is

good.

July 3rd 20

Awake at 5. 30am - arggh! Why? Try and go back to sleep but I can't. I get up, strip the bed and put it in the

wash.

Have a cuppa while watching the rain. I feel so tired today, it’s going to be hard to get motivated. I

eventually get dressed and go and get the papers and pick up a strawberry smoothie for Louise for her

cold. I pop into one of the shops, which is now open, and pick up some curtain hooks in readiness for my

new curtains for the dressing room. I also buy Louise some seat cushions for her garden.

I stop off at Lou's on the way back and talk to her outside. The kids come to the door, see I have nothing for

them and go back in again. I know they're not happy that we're social distancing from them again but it's

only until the summer holidays.

When I come home I turn the radio on and force myself to do some weights for a bit. Then I clean the

house thoroughly. Only then do I take the paper up and relax.

The post comes and my two eBay dresses arrive. I try them on, and they look fab. I chuck them in the wash

and hang dry them inside.

Ian will be home in an hour so I sit on the sofa downstairs and stare into the back garden. I stay like this,

staring at the rain, until he gets home.

We have dinner, watch TV and we both go to bed at 9pm. I can't wait to sleep.

July 4th 20

Wake at 7am. I've slept for nine hours, and I feel so refreshed. The weather is awful again but we're only

going to my folks house this morning and then plan to try and retrieve Edith's ring from the u bend in her

bathroom. Ian’s going to teach me. I know what to do but want to be able to do it confidently. It's a useful

skill to have.

Actually, go inside today at my folks house. It's raining and my dad makes the decision to come in. My

mother talks over Ian while my dad and I look at funnies on Facebook. We clearly share a sense of humour

on a cartoon video of overweight animals coming out of lockdown, we're both shaking with laughter. Ian

and my mother don't see what's funny at all. I put together their flash mop as my dad can't do it. He used to

be so capable when I was young, now he can't cope with these things. I should feel sad but it's nice he

needs me to help sometimes.

 

 

 

 

After an hour or so we come home. We go straight to Edith's and head upstairs to the u bend. I take it all

apart and there is the ring! I lose interest and let Ian put it back together while I get the glory of the lost ring.

Edith is thrilled and hugs me. I know how much it means to her as her husband died 17 years ago and she

misses him every day.

My afternoon is spent doing very little. It's like Autumn outside and feel tired and lazy. I eat a lot of biscuits,

which I later regret.

Cook a spaghetti Bolognese for tea and we eat on our laps and watch Netflix. My stomach is gurgling and

bubbling, and I don't feel great.

An hour later sees me on the toilet. All I can say is I'm glad Ian and I are on farting terms. It's not pretty.

I go to bed as I feel exhausted.

July 5th

I've slept well but still feel tired. I make a tea and take it back to bed. I think I will really rest today. At this

point I don't want any breakfast and perhaps a day of little food will help. It may be the diverticulitis causing

this, but I can't be sure.

By 12pm, I'm starving. I have Weetabix and hope for the best!

It's very windy but dry. To keep me off eBay, I go in the garden and tidy up after all this bad weather. I cut

back a lot of branches and sweep up a bit. I feel tired and come back in. What is wrong with me these

days?

July 6th

Up early. Go out and post father in laws birthday card, buy the papers, get some bits from Tesco and meet

Mo at the community centre for work. The builders will be finished by the end of the week, so next week we

will be running as normal. Mo and I have a cigarette after the clean. She tells me her granddaughters have

been up to her house quite a bit. They're adults and have been helping her with the garden. She moans

about them a bit but I can see she’s chuffed to be seeing them so often.

I dash off to do the food shop. All done in an hour thankfully. Something I have noticed lately is that I see

more men wearing masks than women. Younger men and older? I wonder why? And why aren't women

bothering? I certainly wear mine.

The afternoon sees my reflexologist arrive. I spend a lovely hour in bliss while she works on my feet. She's

brought me flowers as well for my birthday. She's still working the veg boxes and hasn't messed up too

badly since we last spoke.

After she leaves, I tidy up the garden a bit. I decide to lie on the bed and read my thriller. It's really good

and I have to tear myself away to cook tea.

July 7th

 

 

 

 

I'm up by 7am. I've got a busy day. I need to post two eBay dresses I sold yesterday and get the papers.

Then I want to cut the lawn before going to Edith's. I must clean out her gerbil and do her legs before her

podiatrist calls in. I need to go down the allotment after that. I'm exhausted thinking about it all. I've also got

a few loads of washing to do, starting with a rug a cat was sick on. This is the only dry day this week, so it

must be done.

Get all the above jobs done and spend a happy hour or so at the allotment. Somebody jokes that all I ever

do is cut the grass on my plot. It's true. I need help down there but nobody I ask is interested. I umm and

ahh about giving it up but I'd miss the community spirit, plus I organise the Christmas party! Maybe I should

put a post-up on the next door app?

Finally sit down at 1. 30pm and enjoy a coffee. I'm thinking of making a crumble with all the fruit I've picked

this morning.

Jump up and decide to get on with it. I make two so the kids can have one. Once made, I message Louise

to come and pick it up.

Louise and the kids turn up in the car like hill billies. The eldest jumps out and takes the crumble and

custard. I tell her to be careful as it’s my Port Meirion China dish. She smirks at me and says, 'oh Nan, you

and your Port Meirion'. It’s true I'm always hovering when the kids use anything. They're all terrified of

breaking it! It does them good to have respect for it, though they may develop anxiety over Port Meirion

when they're older, whenever they see a plate...

I lie on the bed and finish my thriller. I predicted the ending two thirds of the way through but it was a good

story regardless.

I enjoy a soak in the bath and think about what to cook for dinner. I'm having a glass of wine with it. I've

earned it today.

July 8th

We decide to visit the coast today. It’s raining so it won't be busy. I want to go to Morrisons as well to have

a look at the clothes etc. Since we last went a month ago, it's changed. Now they have a one way system

which is hilarious as all the other food shops have stopped doing that.

I buy some new tops and yet more hair dye!

We head to the island and park easily. We sit on a wet bench, with a hot chocolate, looking out to sea. It's

lovely. We get wet but I plan to wash my hair later so I don't care.

Once home, I take pictures of clothes I no longer want and put them on eBay. This takes up two hours.

Meanwhile Ian takes a call from his cycling buddy Paul who has decided to cycle alone as he’s so worried. I

think he's a wimp but what can I do? Before Ian starts going downhill, I make text another cyclist who may

be itching to cycle with Ian. Ian does and gets a ping back with a 'yes!' I tell Ian he's not the only one

missing everyone and to stop pretending he doesn't care. Women always have to sort these things out -

honestly, men!

 

 

 

 

We then spend a happy afternoon upstairs...! He's got his mojo back at last.

July 9th 20

Wake up bent double with back pain. I overdid on Tuesday with the allotment and the garden. I know it's my

disks as it's the usual spasms. Sod it. I take a painkiller for breakfast and get dressed.

I hobble over to Edith's house. If I take my time I will be able to manage. Edith doesn't even notice I'm

leaning to the right. I wonder if the elderly are like children and only see themselves? As long as you can

look after them then that's all that matters. I do her legs and then slowly clean her upstairs. Halfway through

I lie on her bed for ten minutes, before finishing.

I get home and lie on my bed with a hot water bottle under my back. I decide to read my tarot book and

make notes on each card. This is my latest fad; I want to be able to read the tarot. It’s going to take a long

time to master this skill. I'm enjoying the learning aspect of it. It's easy to learn if it's a good subject and it

does interest me.

Louise turns up and Ian directs her upstairs. She wants a tarot reading! All I can offer is a 3 card reading

and even then I have to refer to the book for meanings. It's spot on for her, but she wants another go as it

wasn't what she wanted to hear!

I then let her try dresses on in my dressing room. We have fun for an hour with her trying on clothes and

accessories. I'd join in but everything looks rubbish on when you’re leaning over.

I give her some clothes I don't want or have no room for. She goes away happy.

Have a long soak on the bath and then put an ice pack on my back. I know how to seal with the spasm and

hopefully in a few days it will be better again.

Ian’s been really cheerful today again. I thinks he's on the up again. Fingers crossed and Thank God!

July 10th

Wake up to a dry day! No firm plans today which is nice. I can drift about and I need to clean the house

anyway. Ian’s going cycling with another friend and his wife. I wave him off and limp around cleaning and

hoovering. I take my time and enjoy transforming my home to a clean one.

It's not warm enough to sit outside so I lie on my bed and do some more tarot work. It's really interesting

and I make more notes.

Ian comes home and brings a cuppa up. I do him a 3-tarot reading on his past, present and future. He's

quite surprised how accurate it is. Not as surprised as me though!

I spot the mobile hairdresser out of the window coming to do a neighbour’s hair for the first time since

lockdown. Just as well as the lady in questions hair had turned orange from a home dye.

I call out the window and she agreed to pop over in a bit to give me a quick cut.

 

 

 

 

She tells me, whilst snipping away, how she's hating the lack of contact at the moment. Most of her clients

are old and they don't want to risk her coming. She's missing the cash too, obviously, as she gets paid cash

in hand. She pops over to see Edith afterwards and I know it’s to give Edith a chance to ask her back.

Wales announces we can book self-catering holidays. Ian and I decide to book a couple of nights away at

the end of the month. We'll go local but it will be a change of scene at least.

It's been a nice day, all in all. We have a pizza for tea and a glass of wine to finish off the day.

July 11th

Louise rings and informs me her dad is in hospital with kidney stones. He's in hospital near where he lives.

Bit worrying as it has the worst covid cases. I'm sure he'll be fine though. I text a long, amusing message to

him. All he replays is 'thank you'. I'm used to this from him, he's always cool with me. That's ex-husbands

for you and I should know as I've got two.

Ian and I decide to fit Edith's fence panel as it's a nice day. While Ian is measuring, I cut back the

overgrowth in her garden. Ian says the panel will fit as it is and he doesn't need to cut it to size. This will

save time. We were going to get our son in law to help raise it into the concrete slots, but I reckon if I'm

careful with my back, that I can help. Ian’s worried but agrees. I keep the balance of the panel and Ian

takes the weight. We manage it and it slots in easily. Hurrah, another job completed. Edith is pleased and I

stay to have a cuppa with her for half an hour. We talk about her seeing the hairdresser yesterday by her

front door and I say if she wants her back then she must feel free to. She confirms that she’s happy with me

doing it but I say she can decide later on if she wants to change back.

I go and see the kids and sit outside in the sunshine. I enjoy a chat and a laugh with my family. I do cuddle

the kids, but I hand sanitize often. It's pointless I know but I feel covid as shrunk a little and I'm making the

most of it while I can.

I hear back from the holiday let and we are staying the weekend of 24th July for two nights. The let has

keyworker’s stay there Monday to Thursday. I hope they give it a good clean before we go!

Ian and I have a Chinese meal and a glass of wine and watching a silly film. We've had a good, productive

day and have also agreed to get some work done in the back garden. My back will always give trouble and

I want something easier now.

July 12th

Another sunny day. I stay in bed with the papers til 11am. Ian’s gone cycling, on his own but he seems

happy to go.

I put a wash on the line and chill out in the garden with a coffee and a magazine.

I'd put on some items to eBay on a schedule for today. I've had two bids already. It's always a risk selling

on eBay as you get the odd awkward customer and it's a real hassle dealing with this sort. I'm hoping the se

all sell with ease and with no hassle.

 

 

 

 

Ian’s home and we have lunch. I then drag him into the garden to discuss what we will have done. We

decide on keeping half the patio but have it re-laid. The other half will be artificial grass, a nice darker

colour green. Ian, my own little Eeyore, queries all the little problems it may cause. God, he irritates me

sometimes. I inform him that's it’s happening, so deal with it. He gets a bit huffy but I ignore him.

We've both got work tomorrow. My back is still bad so I'm not looking forward to it. We go to bed at 9.30pm.

13th July

The builders are still working at the community centre so an easy clean again. I left a small gift for the

manager, on his desk, as a show of appreciation for keeping our contract through lockdown and the

building work.

Had a long break with Mo and a good chat. I told her I'm learning tarot. She scoffed but within five minutes

I'd talked her into a reading. Too easy!

On to Edith's. She was in good spirits today. I did her legs and we had a cuppa. She wants me to get a shirt

for Ian’s birthday, which I will tomorrow.

Spent the afternoon wrapping Ian’s birthday presents and then flopped to read on the bed for an hour. It

was good to rest my back which is feeling a little better.

Ian home from work, quite exhausted. He tells me work isn't getting enough orders for the silicone in hand

sanitizers amongst other uses. The company plan to shut down a third of the plant until things pick up.

Obviously, staff will be laid off. Ian’s not too worried as he gets a good pension, and we would manage with

that and my earnings. Neither house has a mortgage and I get income from my tenant who has been great

through the pandemic. Some tenants have stopped paying their rent, even though they're still working. I

know landlords who are on the brink financially and mentally. Some people are professionally bad tenants.

July 14th

Out shopping this morning. All is normal again in the shops. It worries me that no hand sanitizers are by the

doors anymore. I take and use my own throughout both shops. I'm always glad to get my mask off though

when I get back to the car. I just wish my glasses would not steam up though. There’s a fortune to be made

for non-steaming glasses.

I'd picked up a hanging basket for Edith whilst out, so I take it over to her house. I hang it up and head

back. I've actually nothing else planned today. Louise rings and her father has to have an operation

tomorrow. He has a kidney stone, and they need to put a stent in so he can pass it. Ouch! Also, my son in

laws stepdad is in hospital with cellulitis. Not a place you want to be in right now.

I write a card for friends who were getting married on Saturday but who have postponed until 2022. It was a

big do and family were coming from Australia. It seems a long time to wait to be married. However, 'All my

husbands have been marched up the aisle before they can change their minds' this quote taken from my

dad’s 3rd wedding speech.... Thanks dad.

 

 

 

 

That done, I lie on the bed and play one of the kid’s games on my phone. I'm addicted to looking after this

cat. I waste a whole afternoon and feel guilty.

July 15th

Louise turns up this morning after dropping three of the kids to their last day at school. I'm not even dressed

yet. Somehow, I get roped into taking the oldest and youngest out to Dower with us. The eldest is not

dressed appropriately for Dower and she tells me she has no clothes to wear.

We stop at Tesco on our way where we look for a new outfit for her. She's nearly 13 and is a right pain. We

have a stand argument on her attitude and finally she winds her neck in. We get a pair of jeans and a t

shirt.

We get to Dower and buy food and drink to takeout and walk to the park. Both kids have great fun as the

park is amazing. We spend an hour there and then I pop to Waitrose to look at the plants. I buy two plants

with no idea where I'm going to fit them in.

We drop the kids home and I have a rest. We've got a builder coming to quote for the garden and I've

received a message from an old friend. He lives in England but he's in Wales and wants to see me. We text

occasionally so I know he's getting married after lockdown. He's completely eccentric and has had

relationships with men and women. I can never keep up.

The gardener and my friend Carl turn up at the same time typically. Carls brought his future best man with

him too. Once the gardener leaves, I open a bottle of wine for us all. We sit in the garden as three of us

smoke. Carl and I immediately regress to our youth and giggle about past adventures. I met him in my first

job, I was 16, he was 20. His father left him extremely rich, and he bought a cottage and every weekend

we'd travel down on our own or with others and party like mad. All the locals new us and we'd often wake

up with 40 people littering the cottage. We both came from difficult family backgrounds, and we were each

other’s family. Plus, he indulged me by buying a pub as I got us all barred from the local. I was a hopeless

barmaid, but we had an idyllic time for those years.

Ian gets a bit jealous at the stories as he always does. I have led a colourful life but that's just the way it

was. Carl tells me he has spinal cancer and he's not dealing with it well. It explains why I feel he is on a

farewell tour. His best man has been in lockdown with him at the pub and they've drunk it dry over the three

months. I can see Carl is in love with his best man before Carl confirms it to me. Why are you getting

married then, I ask? There's no sensible answer given and I know Carl just wants to belong to someone.

Plus, she was a page 3 model and trains racehorses. She lives in Wales and he in England. How on earth

it’s going to work, I do not know. But he has always been flaky.

We drink more wine and Carl and I become 16 and 20 again. I laugh ‘til my sides hurts. Then, right on cue,

Ian starts arguing with him. Louise calms it all down and I am embarrassed by Ian. The night soon draws to

a close of course. I'm too tired to say anything to Ian and I go to bed.

July 16th

 

 

 

 

I wake up flat and a bit hungover. Ian is going cycling and I must do Edith's care. I'm a bit cool with Ian but

say nothing.

Before I've left for Edith's, Ian has returned as his bike has broken and he fell off. He's not happy but I feel

its Karma for last night.

I come back from Edith's house and tell Ian what I think. The more I've thought about, the more wound up

I've become. I let him have it. I tell him he's repelled any male friends I've ever known by being rude or

moody around them. I feel suffocated by his behaviour. I've always included him in everything I've done

and been an open book about my life. Carl is possibly dying and didn't deserve to be treated that way. Ian

looks ashamed. He wants to apologise to Carl now. Whether he does or doesn't, it's been spoilt for me.

Rather than sit and fume I decide to use the pressure washer and clean the drive. I've never used it before

and frustratingly have to ask for Ian’s help. He sets it up and I spend an hour cleaning. I'm covered head to

toe in dirt. Ian comes out and helps eventually. We have to wash both cars as I've flung dirt to the far

corners of our property - oops! Basically the drive is spotless but the house is not.

I'm exhausted and I just do a pizza for tea. I'm so looking forward to bed later and my book.

July 17th

Having done the drive yesterday, we need to carry on the work. We pop up to B&Q and get some brush in

grout. We then spend 3 hours cleaning out the remaining weeds and mud from between the paving slabs.

It's back breaking for both of us. Ian’s doing well but this is penance for upsetting my friend, we both know

it.

We brush in the grout powder and then clean up. Tomorrow we will seal the drive to keep it waterproof

roof.

I have a hot bath to soothe my back. Ian goes up to Marksies and picks a dine in for two, for later. Then the

eldest granddaughter turns up with her friend. They have a cup of tea in the garden with me. They are good

fun, and they gibber on about their lives. Ian gives them a pound each and off they go.

Have our meal for two with a glass of wine. Then we chat about our weekend away next week. I can't wait

for it. I just hope the weather is nice and we can visit the beach and stroll about. The weather has been

rubbish since June.

July 18th

Go to my folks house for a visit. They're in good form and my mother stays of the subject of her ailments

and talks about her past relatives. It's interesting and I ask questions. I realise that I need to know this stuff

but it’s too late. My nephew turns up too and we chat about lockdown. He's only 32 but finds it hard living

on his own. He wants to get back to work to have some company. How lucky I am to have a husband even

if I want to strangle him at least four times a week.

Ian and I come home and paint a layer of sealant on the drive. It doesn't take long, and I feel it’s a job

finished now. Very satisfying indeed. Its 1pm and it needs 5/6hours to dry.

 

 

 

 

By 4.30pm it's raining. I just hope the drive had a chance to dry.

I read in the paper that 'Hamilton' the musical is being shown on Disney plus. I know my daughter has it

and I ask her for her password. Yeah, it works, and Ian and I settle down to watch it with our dinner on our

laps. It's 2 1/2 hours long but it's good. I feel glad I've finally seen what all the hype is about.

July 19th

Wake up and check eBay. I've got six things on there, due up today. A couple of items are doing well,

others not a sniff of action. I'll have to post them all tomorrow, it's going to be a very busy day. First, I have

to clean the centre, then do a shop, then do Edith's and finally make a cake for Ian’s birthday on Tuesday.

I decide to make Ian’s cake this morning instead. I make a nice chocolate cake with salted caramel icing.

He'll love it. At least that's one job out of the way.

Ian’s back from cycling and we have lunch. I decide we need a chat as we still seem to be drifting a bit.

We're very polite but there's no substance to anything. Ian is not one for starting a conversation, but I feel

he needs it too.

I turn the television off and say we need a chat. We do just that. I can see his relief as he talks about his

worries. I'm a solutions person, so I advise him of options. He sees they make sense, and he will explore

them. We also chat about my allotment, which has been getting me down as I can't work it properly with my

back problem. I say it out loud 'I'm giving it up'. I feel relieved if not a little sad. We talk about the logistics of

winding it down, there's a lot of stuff to clear out. I've paid ‘til March so there's no rush. I do email my notice

though, so I don't change my mind. We continue to chat, and we agree Covid has affected us more than we

realise. Even though we've both continued to work, it has made us anxious, changed our lives and our

relationships with others. Ian can't visit his family in Northwest England or have them come down to us

(some of them I don't miss..) Everything we do has to be considered beforehand and I guess that takes its

toll. We miss the gym, and my back has got worse for not going. The chat has done us both good and we

agree our weekend away will refresh us.

With the loss of the allotment imminent, I order an apple tree for the front garden and a rhubarb crown for

the back. I feel better still growing those at least.

With a lighter outlook we go to bed, both of us have a busy day tomorrow.

July 20th

Out of the house by 8.30am. First stop the newsagent where I post my parcels, get the paper and buy Ian a

balloon.

On to Tesco to get my cigarettes followed by the cleaning job. It's still not quite straight in there yet but we

do an hour. One of the workers, a miserable lady was there today. She often complains about our cleaning.

Mo and I groan at each other when we see her. We accept that she's just an unhappy person, but she is a

pain in our necks.

 

 

 

 

After finishing, Mo elects to come shopping with me as she needs to pick stuff up. We wind the windows

down and hand sanitize.

I'm doing a weekly shop, so Mo has to wait for me by the car. She laughs as I've bought 4 packs of 18 toilet

rolls. I tell her I'm stock piling for the winter lockdown and they were a bargain for £10 the lot. Ian will put

them in the attic and those that laugh at me can buy a roll for a fiver in January 2021!

Drop Mo home, come home and unpack. Quick ciggie and I'm over Edith's house with Finola the cat. While

Edith is feeding Finola rubbish, I feed the gerbil who is doing well. I'm not ready to lose the last one yet.

Edith gives me Ian’s present for tomorrow and I come home. I've been on the go for four and a half hours

and I need to lie down and rest my back.

Once rested, I do a bit more gardening where I'm planting my rhubarb. The sun is on my back and sat

pruning and weeding. I feel content. Then I remember I need to find the birthday banners. Blast! After an

age, I find them finally but I'm stressed out.

Definite early night tonight but still have to put Ian’s banners up.

July 21st

Get up early and take Ian a cuppa up to him. We end having a cuddle and it's a great start to his day!

I make him a breakfast sandwich and he opens his presents

He loves all his stuff. His flowers should arrive before 4pm, that'll be a nice surprise for him later.

His miserable, selfish brother has once again not sent him a card. He didn't send me one either for my

birthday. He's one of those that only thinks of himself and never asks how anyone else is. I put a cross

message on fb mentioning no names of course!

I make a buffet for when our family comes. I invite Edith as its warm enough for her. She's very excited.

The allotment secretary rings and says he will buy my shed from me. As an afterthought he says he will be

sorry to see me go. My plots a mess and he will be glad, I think. Ian laughs that I could sell the shed when I

was given it by a homeless alcoholic man, who lived in it in someone's garden. But hey, it will pay for the

new apple tree...

The family descends and we've set up on the front garden so the kids can roam about in our road. We've

collected Edith and sat in a comfy chair with a rug and hot water bottle. It's 24° but she's happy. I've opened

a bottle of prosecco and give her a glass. Edith is deaf and talks over other conversations, at some points I

am holding four different conversations. I'd be a pro if it was an Olympic sport.

We spend a pleasant four hours out, my son in law walks Edith home as she's tipsy and falling asleep. She

farts all the way home. Of course, we all giggle. We all adore her.

I clean up and load the dishwasher. It's really hot and both Ian and me are flagging. We order an Indian

meal for two and I go and pick it up.

 

 

 

 

I've set the table up nicely but we both too knackered to appreciate it. The foods yummy and we eat

quickly. We sit in the living room with a piece of birthday cake and watch Ricky Gervais's humanity tour. It’s

funny but close to the bone.

We're in bed at 9pm.

July 22nd

Ian brings a tea in bed for me. Thank goodness normal service has resumed. I wish him happy birthday

boxing day.

I get up, see Ian off cycling and begin some housework. My backs stiff but I plough on. I get up and down

cleaned and put washing on the line.

I start tidying up the garden. I prune overhanging trees and get rid of unwanted pots in readiness for having

the garden work done. My dad is having some things from my garden and my allotment. I feel good

knowing I'm streamlining my life. Some of the kids play things are going to Louise too.

I come in and make a telephone doctor’s appointment for Ian, it won't until August but it’s a start. He's been

a lot better since our chat. I think we'll get even closer when we're away.

Ian’s back and he helps me with some heavier thing in the garden. He's pleased we're getting rid of the

clutter.

I pick some tomatoes for our dinner and bake some potatoes to go with a quiche. It'll be a quiet evening

and an early night after yesterday. Plus, we've both got work tomorrow.

July 23rd

Awake at 6am, I'd left my lavender diffuser on all night in the hope I'd sleep longer but clearly that didn't

work.

Went to Edith's with Finola. Did all the usual tasks and planned to come back and have a lazy afternoon.

Caught up on some recorded programmes and then put some clothes, that next door had given me, up on

eBay. Then played with the kids’ game on my phone.

The builder came around to fine tune the plans for the garden. The work starts 24th August. I'm looking

forward to it being done but not the mess.

After dinner, I pack my bag for our break. The forecast isn't great, so I pack a mix of stuff.

July 24th

Wake up and my backs in half. I'm leaning over to one side and struggle to get out of bed. I stretch and

arch my back, but I have tears in my eyes. I'm in pain constantly at the moment and it's making teary. Plus,

it's pouring with the rain. I feel sometimes I never cut a break and I'm swimming against the tide of life. I

have to pull myself together and remember what I do have. But God its hard sometimes. I feel in my 80's

 

 

 

 

with my back and I know it’s never going to go away. I shall just have to dose up on painkillers for the

weekend. The pubs aren't open indoors yet so we will have to eat out in the beer garden on a hard ben ch in

the rain with a bad back. For God's sake, pull yourself together Eva!

Arrive at the place where we are staying. The rain has stopped, and the sun is out. It’s too early to check in

so we grab some supermarket sandwiches and drive down to the beach.

It's busy but we grab our camping chairs and set up looking out to sea. It's lovely and we relax watching the

tide come in. We spend a couple of hours like this, holding hands occasionally.

At 3pm we check in. We have to book a table in the beer garden for drinks and food later on.

We walk about and spot another pub open. We tentatively go in and see if we can get a drink. We can for

an hour slot. We fill out the track and trace form and order a drink one end and collect it from the other side.

We are escorted to our table outside and we sit and look around. The bench I'm sat on is uncomfortable for

my back so I decide to move tables. Ian can't cope with this rule breaking and for five minutes we sit at

different tables. I win, obviously, and he joins me on comfortable chairs in a sunnier spot. We clink glasses

to our first pub drink since January.

Later, we go to our own pub entrance and are shown to our socially distant table. The staff are Young and

excited you can see. It's all so new to them but I reckon it will wear off quite soon and be a right pain for

them.

The food is lovely and we look at each other in wonderment at this new world we're living in. It's nice to

people watch again too. Everyone has the highness of being released from prison. It's start to drizzle but no

one's bothered.

By 8pm it’s really raining and we leave. We watch a bit of telly but by 9pm we go to bed. The sea air and

wine has done for us.

July 25th

Wake up to a bit of rain but I'm sure it'll clear up. I take a cuppa back to bed and state out of the window for

ages. It's nice to have a different view and with the window open I can smell the sea air too.

Ian brings us bacon rolls for breakfast. We wash and dress and go for a walk around the town. I treat

myself to a pair of pretty sandals and a bracelet. We buy a sandwich and drive down to the beach. We stay

in the car to have lunch as its drizzling, but it still feels a treat.

We've booked a table in our pub for dinner again, as there's nowhere else to eat! Firstly though, we go to

the pub from yesterday as we've booked an hour slot at 6pm.

We get there and they recognise us and tell us we can stay all night if we want to. We don't but we fill out

another track and trace form.

 

 

 

 

The beer garden is full of youngsters and there is music playing. The kids are lively and excited on their first

Saturday night out. It's great to see them so happy! But we only stay for one drink and leave to go and have

food.

Because we're staying upstairs, we are treated like royalty and shown straight in. It's busy out the back bit

not full capacity. I imagine the weather has put people off. We sit huddled in jumpers and order.

We come back after two hours as it’s so chilly. I have a tea and we watch telly. It’s quite noisy downstairs

but I put in ear plugs and go to bed at 10pm. I sleep well.

July 26th

I’m awake at 7.30am and grab a tea and bring it back to bed. Ian is still sleeping so I'm quiet. We're going

home today and I'm looking for forward to seeing my cats. I know I'll feel more refreshed for having been

away. And that was the point in this break.

Once home, I hug all the cats. They've been looked after by our neighbour and seem fine.

Get the washing done and on the line. Go upstairs to read the papers but the cats been sick on my bed. I

have to wash the duvet and the cover. What a pain.

I settle down finally when Louise turns up and joins me on the bed. As she snuggles into me I remind her

I've been gone only two days!

She's off to see her dad and his wife's family for her dad's birthday BBQ. She's asks if I've got a card for

him she can have. I don't, but I say she can take Ian’s birthday balloon as it's still full of helium and it's

getting on my nerves.

Ian and my son in law are opened mouthed at this gesture but both start laughing. I suppose it is funny

giving husband number one, husband number threes birthday balloon.

July 27th

Busy morning. Get the papers, post ebay parcels and work with Mo. A proper clean on our shift but much

more pleasant as the building has become more modern. Give Mo a lift home as its torrential rain. I give

her a usable mask to keep. She has to wear one now if she takes a bus, so she accepted willingly. I've

masks all over my car. I leave them in the car, so the sun kills the germs. I truly can't be bothered with

constantly washing them.

Go to Edith's. She tells me she gets excited on the days I'm there. So sweet! She tells us our other

neighbour, who I don't speak to anymore, was around hinting for Edith to give her cash. Ooh, I was fuming.

Edith lent her a few thousand, but she never paid it back nor mentioned the loan again. You'd think I was

talking about a young person but the neighbour in question was 78 at the time. Edith said she wouldn't lend

to her again, so not to worry.

Had my reflexology in the afternoon. Totally relaxing.

 

 

 

 

Made a quick cake and cooked dinner.

Louise rings and tells me she's applying for a funeral organisers job. I love my daughter but she's always

applying for random jobs or courses. I can't help but laugh and then she gets cross with me. She reads out

her covering letter, it's so long, I tell her, that they'll all be dead before they get to the end of it. Then I see

my cat masturbating behind my head on the screen.

July 28th

Up and out by 9am. I'm going to the allotment to start clearing the shed out. It's sunny and warm.

I've got some books for John's wife who is housebound on top of shielding. I go straight to his plot. He's got

the best one of all. He's built all sorts and is the best grower. It's like walking through a cottage garden. He's

pleased to see me and makes us a cup of tea in his fitted shed kitchen! We sit and chat. He's sad I'm going

but he understands. I offer him stuff from my shed, and he joins me on my plot. Cornelius, next door plot,

also has a peek.

Within 15 minutes, I've offloaded a wheelbarrow and loads of netting. The tools I start loading in my car.

I've got to come a few more times but I don't mind. I definitely feel I'm doing the right thing.

Onto food shopping. Then I come home and unpack. I grab a coffee before starting work in the garden. I'm

just preparing for the work by emptying pots. Tomorrow I'm going to cut back the overhanging trees. I don't

want to overdo it today, so I lie on the bed to rest my back.

July 29th

Ian and I go down to the allotment at 9am. We spend an hour filling the car with things to bring back. I've

still got yo go down a few more times before I officially hand it back. I see John and give him more netting

and membrane. In return he gives me a bunch of gladioli.

My dad wants raspberry canes. I can't see new growth on my plot, so stealthily I dug up from other plots.

They're all different varieties which means they'll fruit at different times. He'll be stoked.

We get back and I ring dad to suggest he pops over to collect them. They will wither before I go to theirs on

Friday otherwise.

Ian and I cut back the trees in the afternoon. I go mad and completely pare back the magnolia. Ian’s

flapping that we will fill the garden waste bin and have loads of branches left over. I tell him to get a grip

and I manage to get everything in just fine.

We are exhausted and with some effort I make dinner.

We are chilling watching the telly when my friend calls in. Oops, I'd forgotten. Ian goes upstairs to leave us

to chat. She has big problems in her marriage accentuating by lockdown. Since we met in the civil service,

her husband has always been a pig. But she loved him and put up with him being a bully. He tried to stop

her coming to me tonight, but the menopause has made her a little stronger, plus her 14 year old daughter

now chips in to defend her mum. Listening to her marriage always frustrates me but I know she struggles

 

 

 

 

with the will to leave him. All I can do is offer options and comfort. I hug her tightly, bugger covid, as she

leaves. I don't know when I will see her again as he makes it so hard for her to get out, apart from to work.

July 30th

A beautiful day. Go over to Edith's. The remaining gerbil died yesterday. She's still upstairs pottering

around so I get on with cleaning the cage out and hoovering up around the cage area. I put the gerbil food

out for the birds, and they swoop hungrily on it. Everything where the cage was is now how it was three

years ago. I sit and reflect for a moment. A mix of sadness and relief that there are no cages to clean every

week. They all had a good, long life for gerbils, and I spoilt them rotten. I feel I'm shedding responsibilities

at the moment, what with the allotment going as well. It's all for the best and I must try hard not to fill the

gaps left with more tasks.

I sit Edith out in the garden with her rollers in to let it dry and give her some sun. I clean downstairs but

keep an eye out for her. She has face to the sun and Finola next to her. I smile at the sight of her.

I come home and set about sawing the conifer stump. Ian cut so it sticks right out, honestly! It's hard work

and Ian and I take turns sawing. Eventually it comes away. I fill up next doors green bin. That's all our bins

used now. I can't do anymore until next week after they're emptied.

I ask Ian to throw the main log over in the trees by our roundabout. He says later. Why later?? I grab it and

do it, shouting I have a bad back and he doesn't care.

We continue the row in the back garden. I tell him he can cook his own dinner, do his own washing etc, all

the stuff I say when we row.

Granddaughter number 2 comes up with her friend. They stay for a bit upstairs using my makeup and doing

their hair. They want to stay over but I can't face it and tell them, and I add I'm not speaking to bampy. He

gives them a pound each for the shop and they bounce out happily.

I order Ian to apologise! I can't cope with not talking any longer than an hour, as it's so inconvenient.

Ian cooks tea. In theory this is good, but he looks at my every mouthful wanting me to praise him. I don't. I

haven't forgotten 'log gate'.

July 31st

Sit out in the early morning sunshine with a cup of tea at 6am. It's going to be a long day as I'm seeing my

parents this morning and a lockdown garden hen party tonight of one of Louise's friends.

My dad's having the tree from my front garden as I've ordered the apple tree. Ian digs it up, after our row

he's taking no chances! We take that and other pots over to their house.

Mum and dad are in good spirits. Mum gives me books for John’s wife and a jumpsuit she doesn't want. Ian

and dad plant the tree.

 

 

 

 

After a couple of hours, we get back and have lunch. I then go to bed for an hour and have a nap as I'm out

tonight.

I wake up to a houseful, Lou has turned up to get changed here and ten minutes later two granddaughters

and a friend have walked here. The kids are raiding the fridge and Louise lies down on the bottom bunk for

a chill. The only way to get rid of the kids is to give them a pound each for sweets. I realise we've started

something now and they're not as daft as they look!

Louise and I are ready in the tee shirts made for us. Ian takes us picking up one other along the way.

Gosh, we're in the depths of Ochr Y Bae when we arrive. It's a bit rough. We go to the back garden that

looks like a prison yard. Not a single plant or pot.

Others arrive and soon drugs are being taken. I'm not a prude but it's not for me. There is stolen

champagne, good stuff too! I'm given a bottle as I look posh apparently and no one else likes it. I do and

drink it!

I have some nice conversations with people, the bride to be is drunk and stoned and telling everyone home

truths. It's actually funny until she tells me I look 70! I know I don't, in fact I'm wearing a lot better than she

is. Louise laughs until she is told she looks like a heifer.

I signal at 10pm that I think it's time to leave. Louise and her pal agree. Ian picks us up and brings us all

home. I go straight to bed as I'm a bit drunk.

 

August 2020

August 1st

Wake up at 6am again. I've got a bit of a hangover. Ian brings me tea and offers to pick the rubbish up from

the allotment and the shed shelves. I'm going to put it in the community centres industrial bin on Monday.

I'm grateful to him as I need an easy morning!

The gyms are opening on August 10th and I want the allotment wrapped up before then. I'm looking

forward to getting my fitness back again and seeing familiar faces, hopefully.

Despite feeling groggy, we decide to sort the shed out. It's full of garden cushions and throws. Ian puts the

shelves from the allotment in there and they fit a treat. First, I wash all the cushion covers and throws, dry

them and then put them back tidily. I give Louise some cushions and a sunbed which leaves me more

space in there.

With that, two granddaughters turn up with a friend. This is the third day now. I tell them straight, no more

money. They hang about, making drinks, charging their phones and getting in my way. They leave an hour

later with money for the shop but less than usual.

 

 

 

 

By dinner time I'm pooped. We have dinner and watch a film. Louise's friends on messenger, suggest a

night out next weekend. I'm up for that. A chance to dress up a bit and maybe a dance. I love Lou's friends

and they seem to enjoy my company. The clock is ticking toward Autumn and winter. I'm conscious of filling

up on socialising and making memories before another possible lockdown. Most people I know are doing

the same, going away or out every weekend for the rest of the summer.

August 2nd

Spend the morning in bed until 11am.

Lou rings and says she's been offered to take the family camping tomorrow but can't afford it. I allow myself

to be manipulated with the sob story and then offer £100 and to lend another £100. Louise can't thank me

enough! I know the kids will love it, so it's all good.

Ian’s cycling, so I decide to chop down the cherry tree that grows sideways. It's the last job before the

garden work begins.

It doesn't take me long and I'm careful of my back. It looks a lot better now and I'm pleased.

I spend an hour looking at hotel prices as I fancy a night away this week as the weather's good. Prices are

either reasonable or very inflated. It seems people are booking up during August. Like me, they want to get

away while it's possible.

I pop over to Edith's for five minutes. She was supposed to go to her daughters yesterday for a family

lunch, but it was cancelled. Her grandsons two friends have tested positive for Covid. I'm rather shocked

when I hear that. How are people getting it? Wales is doing well hence everything opening again. I've been

so gung-ho lately that this news pulls me up short and I may need to take more care again as I go about my

life.

August 3rd

My usual busy Monday. Tesco for papers, pick up a prescription from chemist, post eBay parcels then the

community centre for cleaning.

Mo and I do a full shift today and my back is killing me. I feel like crying. Think of my daughter camping in

the sun and this hard shift has paid for it!

Go to Edith's and wash her legs. We chat about missing the gerbils and the space they've left. It's 12.30pm

and I'm starving as I had breakfast so early. So I say goodbye and come home for a sandwich.

I struggle cleaning downstairs and then have a lie down on my bed. I'd already made a casserole and it's

on low in the oven.

Ian comes home and I make him give me a massage.

August 4th

 

 

 

 

Between the Chinese heat ointment, cold packs, hot water bottles and the massage, my back feels a lot

better this morning.

I tentatively go food shopping. I manage fine with the back brace I wear. It’s not attractive as I have a muffin

top over the brace, but I wear a baggy tee shirt to hide it.

I unpack the shopping and then head off to the garden centre as they have a sale. I wear the mask again,

which has been on now for two hours. It does take the enjoyment out of retail therapy!

I come home and gently plant them in the garden. I got some good bargains and a few veg plants to get my

allotment started.

Satisfied, I make a coffee and lie on my bed with the newspaper. I'm starting to feel like a Victorian lady

with all these afternoon siestas.

I'm planning what to wear tomorrow evening as we're out with our friends for a meal. We should get £10 off

each too, with Rishi Sunaks 'eat out to help out' initiative.

Ian rang with a cough and blocked nose which worries me a bit. I go online and order a covid home test for

us both. I'm careful not to name his employer as he will shoot me if they close the place! He has no sense

of smell anyway from working with chemicals, so that can't be relied on as a symptom.

August 5th

Wake up bleugh. Unpleasant stomach cramps which a visit to the loo sorts out. Feel absolutely drained but

cannot explain it. I've had a real bad run lately and getting down about it.

I message our friends and postpone to Friday night. They're very good about it but I feel pathetic!

Ian has his doctors telephone appointment. He's going in for blood tests next week. I'm proud of how he

was honest with the doctor and tell him so.

I ask Ian to take me to B&Q to spend a birthday voucher on some plants. I'm too wobbly to drive myself but

I want to achieve something today. There are queues again for some reason.

Plants purchased and brought home. I'm too whacked to plant them today though.

I go up to bed and sleep for an hour. I awake only because I choke coughing.

It's raining so we watch an old movie cuddled up. Halfway through we get a parcel delivered in an amazon

box.

The parcel is our covid test kits. Blimey!

God, it’s complicated to home test. We have to watch a video first, then register online with all these

different barcodes for each of us. We have to find our nearest priority post-box.

We've booked to do our test at 3pm tomorrow, so we can get it posted by 4pm. It suddenly feels very

serious.

 

 

 

 

August 6th

Ian goes cycling this morning and I go to do Edith's. I'm feeling a little better, not so wiped out today.

Stay at Edith's for two hours, washing her legs and give upstairs a clean.

It's still raining when I get back but I put on my new plants anyway. Its looking a lot more colourful in the

patch I've been trying to improve, this lifts me a little.

I facetime my friend who is nursing her terminally brother. She's crying in seconds, and I let her rant and

rave and feel sorry for herself. It's a rubbish situation compounded by seeing people on Facebook enjoying

themselves again. I remind her it won't be forever, and I must go over next week to spend time with her. I

tell her hopefully I will be covid free due to the rest today.

3pm and Ian and I sit at the dining table and do the test.

I wish I'd videoed it. We were gagging repeatedly and had to keep going back in without touching tongue or

teeth. Think 'blazing saddles' with gagging. It took us five minutes to swipe the five times. It was awful but

funny. Then it goes up your nose, each nostril. That wasn't so bad. We then parcelled the tests up as per

instructions and Ian raced to the Priority Post Box. I'm still giggling an hour later.

I message my friend all the gory details in the hope it will make her laugh.

I'm still giggling and I'm glad I shared the experience with Ian, though he's not laughing!

August 7th

A really hot day. It’s too hot to sit outside but it's still gorgeous to see such a bright day.

Nothing much planned today but we do go over and see the kids for an hour. They loved their camping trip

and tell us tales of adventures.

Our friends are walking over at 6pm for drinks before a taxi comes and takes us to the Indian restaurant.

We sit in our garden companionably sipping a sparkling rose while the sun beats down. I've put on a

summery dress and a bit of makeup. We're all excited to be going out together.

We wear our masks in the taxi, I'm glad it's a short trip as we're all baking with them. Our one friend Deb

gets quite claustrophobic with her hers on. It doesn't help the cars boiling hot and we're menopausal.

We are shown to our table, it's not busy in here. I do spot Cornelius and his wife from the allotment and go

over to say hello. They're buzzing being out, just as we are.

The meal is wonderful and the wine flows. The neighbouring table is separated by a plastic screen. I feel

there's something quite 'Sci fi' about our lives lately. It just feels slightly unnatural as we go about our days.

There's an edginess to the atmosphere as well as excitement.

We fall out of the restaurant into another taxi and go back to our friends house. We sit in their garden and

drink a bit more. We tell each other how much we care for each other, in the manner of all drunks!

 

 

 

 

August 8th

Despite drinking water last night, I feel rather jaded this morning. Ian brings tea up before I eventually get

up.

Two hours later, I decide I need a nanny nap. It's bliss, the breeze across my bed is soothing and I sleep

for an hour. I feel so much better.

It's too hot to sit in the garden but I drift about in the shade with my trug and secateurs, channelling my

inner Margo.

August 9th

Wake early, it’s really cloudy but warm still. I have a tea and cigarette in the garden, enjoying the early

peace of the day.

Ian cycles early, he's much happier these days, to avoid the heat later. I go to bed with papers, a cuppa

and a cat. Bliss.

Get an email from the NHS, I'm negative for covid. I screenshot it and send it to friends of ours, in the hope

they will finally meet up with the rest of us. They reply that they will but no plans are made as yet.

I go over to my daughters. She wants to avoid meeting her stepmother and dad as it's the old cow’s

birthday. We try and think of a cunning plan to keep the kids from her, so she only goes for an hour without

my grandchildren. A fine result.

Come back and pop into Edith's to check on her and put her bins out. She went out yesterday with her

daughter and is bouncing with joy.

Cook a late lunch and we watch TV for a bit. It's been a lazy weekend. I'm hoping I can start back at the

gym this week or at least very soon. My body is in for a massive shock.

August 10th

A bad night's sleep due to the humidity. But drag myself out of bed as it’s just too warm to attempt more

sleep.

It's the community centre clean this morning and I'm there before Mo. I make a start at the back of the

building. There are so many new rooms now but I can't open a single door or window for air as the shutters

are down. It's quite claustrophobic as well as sweaty work. When I've finished my section I help Mo out with

hers. She's much slower than me. We have a cigarette break and a quick chat before I leave her to finish.

I come home and check whether the local charity shop is open yet. It is thankfully, I have a huge bag of

stuff for them. They're only allowing donations on a Wednesday and Saturday and if people leave bags

outside they will be destroyed due to quarantine. Bit over the top if you ask me.

 

 

 

 

Head to Edith's. She's normally downstairs by 8am but on the mornings I go, she isn't. She likes to give me

the run around. I end up making her breakfast while her legs are soaking in water. We chat away and I

promise to take her for a coffee soon once the cafe has reopened.

It's so humid that I chill upstairs on the bed. I tax my car online and then play the kids game on my phone -

my talking Angela. It's quite additive and I'm on level 32. The kids left it on level 8. This tells you I have a

problem...

August 11th

A horrible nights sleep. The humidity is ridiculous. I need the thunderstorm I was promised. My hair is stood

two feet in diameter all around my head. I have no option but to tie it back until this heatwave is over, I look

a fright.

I go shopping early to avoid the worst heat. On my way I call in to the leisure centre and book the gym for

next Tuesday morning. I've got too much going on this week to start now plus it's too hot. I'm told the pool is

closed until March 2021!!

I linger at Lidl as they have air conditioning. I pop to home bargains and spend a fortune on some garden

stuff, then go back to Lidl to cool off.

I unpack everything while dripping in sweat, then sit in front of the fan.

Bravely, I do a few outside chores in the garden before rewarding myself with a cool lie down in front of a

fan.

My friend cancels my visit tomorrow, thankfully. It’s going to be 31° and I don't want to be stuck in traffic in

that on the way to the coast. I fancy going out for a meal and a few drinks tomorrow evening with Ian. I shall

conserve energy for that.

August 12th

Slept better last night despite the heat.

We went to Asda this morning early. Spent £70 on, yes, more dye! Plus, other bits and bobs too. Rang the

eldest on the way home to see if we can get her school blazer today. Now she’s got a little boyfriend she'd

rather be with him. I had to tempt her with lunch out. Then I agreed to take two of the others too. Thank

goodness for 'eat out to help out'. I just hope we can get in as the whole world is taking advantage of the

offer. I'm not going out tonight as its too hot and I think wine is a bad idea in this heatwave.

We have to queue at the uniform shop in the baking heat. Once in I tell them I only need a school blazer

and I'm covid free so could they quickly serve me. My granddaughter is dying of embarrassment, but it gets

the required result.

We get a table in Wetherspoons easily and order food and drinks. We get five meals, five soft drinks and

three puddings for £20!! What a bargain, thanks to Rishi Sunak! Definitely doing that again. Kids love being

out for a meal after so long.

 

 

 

 

Drop the kids home and then flake out in front of the fan. There's nowhere to escape this heat, even the

downstairs loo is boiling!

By 8pm, I go out and water the plants outside. It's so humid but I'm able to potter about. Within half an hour,

the birds suddenly quieten, a breeze starts, and the thunder clouds roll in. It’s quite amazing to feel the

storm in the air.

Ian and I go and lie on the bed facing the window and turn the lights out. The storm is spectacular, and we

enjoy the show for an hour. The cats, who I haven't seen all day, come in and we all watch it together.

Sadly, the humidity is still with us and we have an uncomfortable night once again.

August 13th

Up early. Sit and watch breakfast television until I go to Edith's.

Edith has not noticed the heat at all. She has a roll neck jumper on and is clutching her hot water bottle as

normal. I have a hot flush just looking at her.

By the time I have done her hair, legs and cleaned I'm sweating conkers.

Ian makes me a coffee when I get in and I have a sit down.

I make a birthday cake for my granddaughter’s 10th birthday tomorrow. She's coming here with 3 friends

and I'm making an afternoon tea for them all. It's going to be a busy day as I have the two youngest

tomorrow night as well, to get them out of the way.

I chill for the rest of the day in readiness.

August 14th

Start prepping for the birthday afternoon tea. Sandwiches, cakes and lay the table with all the lovely China.

Ellie and her three friends arrive. I take all their temperatures with the thermometer gun. They love it.

My daughter and her sister-in-law crack open the wine and I'm left doing all the work. I enjoy it and the girls

feel very grown up. They haven't seen each other since March lock down and they chattering away

happily.

After two hours they head home. Louise is tipsy and I've got to see them all off.

Lou and my granddaughter leave, and the two little ones arrive. I'm exhausted but round 2 begins. I just

hope they go to bed early tonight.

We have dinner together and then I bath the babies. They have a story and I get them into bed. There are

lots of goodnight kisses and I wonder if every grandparent is now seeing their grandchildren? I hope so.

 

 

 

 

I'm in bed early as I'm exhausted but I reflect on a wonderful day. Apparently one of the party guests

adores me and thought I was the kindest woman she'd ever met. The poor girl has no family apart from her

mother, that makes me sad.

August 15th

I’m up at 6am and have an hour before the babies wake up. I can't sit in my morning spot in the garden as

its rained but enjoy the peace and birdsong anyway.

A morning spent refereeing the girls as they fight over toys and attention. Ian’s gone to his first spin class

since lockdown. He reports they've used the dance studio as it's bigger and the bikes are far apart. Then

you leave the back entrance and walk around to your car. The dance studio was where my circuit class was

held which means that won't be happening again for a long time. I'm sad as I'm missing my class buddies

and won't see them until next year probably.

I take the kids back to Louise and stay for a while. I do Tik Toks with them and their friends. I'm a very

different grandma to my grandparents and much closer to them and more involved in their daily lives. This

brings a natural respect and love from each side. I love it.

Have an early dinner and go to bed with a book I ordered from the library. This had to be picked up at a

specific appointment time earlier today.

August 16th

A restful morning in bed with papers.

Generally, a quiet day pottering. I've seen no one or done anything!

August 17th

Post my eBay parcel then onto the clean at the community centre. It’s not too bad there today as the staff

our still working from home. I think some of them are starting back next week, at least a few days a week.

Will it ever go back to normal? I caught myself being a bit smug today. I don't like boasting, especially to

someone suffering, even if I don't like them much. I felt bad after. My mantra normally is 'if you think it, it’s

gratitude, if you say it, it's smugness'. Naughty me!

Edith's legs are really swollen and painful. I tell her off because she never elevates them as per doctors’

instructions. I leave her lying on the bed, feet raised and order to stay there for two hours. I have to run

home and take back milk for her as she never orders enough from the milkman.

Have a quick lunch and clean downstairs. I've got my reflexology at 2pm and a new rug arriving later. I give

the floor a good mop in readiness for said rug.

The rug arrives during my treatment and after my reflexologist helps me unwrap it. We are both

underwhelmed by its small size. It's not going to go at all in a room this size. I see her off, then swap the

rug from the bedroom for the new one. I'm very pleased with the transformation. However, I'm still cheesed

off I paid £80 for a dolls house sized rug.

 

 

 

 

August 18th

First time back in the gym today. I'm a bit nervous and excited at the same time.

All the apparatus has been cordoned off and there are only five of us in. Say hi to one familiar face which

feels nice. I notice the air conditioning is switched off which isn't great in a gym.

It’s been five months but I'm doing well on the running machine. I'm not going to overdo it after so long but

it really is great to do something for me.

I'm just finishing up when a staff member comes over and asks to take my picture for their website. This is

me, so I strike a pose and am thrilled to be asked, there are lots of fit young girls to choose from.

Then I'm told 'this will encourage the older people to come back as you've shown you think it's safe'!!

That's my bubble burst.

Once I'd recovered, I went on to do the food shop. It was bliss with Aldi's air con on. Came home, unloaded

and took some milk over to Edith.

Did some communal gardening on our roundabout and planted some daffodil bulbs. By this time, I'm

exhausted and go to lie on my bed for an hour.

Louise rings just as I lie down with the paper. I try and cut the call short, she's got premenstrual tension and

the kids are arguing in the background. Then I feel guilty and go over there. We all sit in the garden as it's

got really hot again. The kids whine to come back to mine. I tell them I'm a constant in their lives that's why

I constantly say no!

I come and Ian and I have dinner. Then three of the kids turn up and raid the fridge. Then they want money,

but we say no. I do give them an ice lolly to go off with.

August 19th

Go and see my folks this morning. We ate still going in the house, just as well as its pouring with rain.

They're in good spirits and mum and I swap magazines. She's still waiting to hear about her eye operation.

I keep reminding her that it's a non-urgent operation but she doesn't get it, so I give up.

My son in law isn't well but my daughter nips out to drop Ian and I in Ochr Y Bae. We're going out for tea to

take advantage of the eat out to help out. I chat to loads of people and the main topic is covid. All the

people my age have exactly the same views as me. They are only going out until the autumn in case of a

second wave. They're also telling their elderly parents the same thing. Basically, live now while you can.

We're only out for a couple of hours. Lou rings when we get home and says her husband has just had a

covid test. I think it's sensible as he did sound rough earlier. He's a postman and is probably quite high risk.

I'm a teensy bit worried that he will be positive as the logistics of our lives will be problematic to sort.

Son in law had a negative test result.

 

 

 

 

August 20th

Ian times his spin class with my gym booking. The gym is quite busy when I arrive and I can't get on the

running machine. The autistic part of my brain is flummoxed, and I go on a exercise bike for a bit. I don't

like my routine altered one bit. Soon the machine is free, and I jump on. I do 30 minutes at a brisk pace. I'm

still not running on it, maybe next week.

The gym empties quickly, and I enjoy the peace. I meet Ian outside by his car, he's sweaty and grumpy.

Just then I receive a text from my tenant, she can't get her key out of the door. This improves Ian’s mood

tenfold (not) and we head up there.

We show her a way to lock it so she can go out. I need to find a man who can repair it.

We go to Marks and Spencer as I have a voucher to spend. It’s really busy and I'm going up the arrows the

wrong with people tutting at me. As the average age in Marksies is 80, I'm classed as a youth and clearly

irresponsible!

After queuing for ages to pay, we leave and get stuck in traffic on the way home. There's been an accident

somewhere as there's traffic queuing in every direction. Ian’s moaning again and people are beeping horns

and swearing at other drivers. I'm just chilled out and enjoying the show.

My legs are aching now, and I can't do another thing. I do my usual lie down for an hour and read the

paper. I feel very middle aged these days.

August 22nd

Pouring with rain when I wake up. How I love monsoon season. In 14 years of August wedding

anniversaries there has been one day of sunshine. Our anniversary is Tuesday and its forecast to rain. I

was hoping to wear a new dress when we go away for the night, but I'll just have to wear it with

wellingtons.

We are having work done next week on the back garden. Ian and I start clearing stuff away in readiness.

I've been chucking stuff out or giving it away for weeks but today Ian needs to get his lazy bum up and help

move the greenhouse. We do it in the rain and howling wind because he's waited until the last moment to

do it!

We don't see the kids today as I don't want to catch what my son in law has. I don't want to be ill for our

anniversary night away. Over this I am selfish.

August 23rd

It’s a Sunday but I'm working today as Mo can't do tomorrow. I finish my section, but Mo is really slow on

her section. Like last week I help her out. I'm not hanging about as I need to do the food shop after this.

Best to get it all out the way now I'm out. So I leave her there to finish and lock up. I make sure she has a

bag of food from the food bank as she's as cash strapped as anyone.

See Mo at the shops so I give her a lift home as she's just spent her wages on shopping.

 

 

 

 

My back is aching so once I've unloaded and unpacked the shopping I go and lie down and try to claw back

some of Sunday. Ian’s cycling so of no use to me. I smile though, that he will come back wet as its rained...

 

Ian’s cycle buddy rings, he's the one who won't go out with the group. I chat with him before Ian does. He

still won't go out with the group even though his wife is out and about on public transport. Very odd.

Go out for a last cigarette before bed. I'd put hay out by hedgy’s winter residence. The hay was the gerbils.

She's been using her house as the hay had a hedgehog sized gap in it. It was too dark to see her but she's

back and that makes me happy. I'll start putting food out when it gets colder.

August 24th

Awake at 5am but lie there ‘til 6am. I get washed and dressed and get off to the gym. There's about four

other people there, mostly youngsters. Older people are still staying away. The gym should organise an

over 50s hour every day, maybe I'll mention it to the staff on Friday. Everyone is good about disinfecting the

apparatus when they've finished. But to be honest I'm more worried about aerosols in the air with all the

puffing out. I hope I'm doing the right thing in coming back.

I get home and the builders have arrived. Three hot young men so should be enjoyable to watch!

They get busy and I make them tea before heading over to Edith's house.

Finola and my other cat Ed come over. Edith is ecstatic at both of them visiting. Ed stays by me the whole

time, it's very sweet. Edith's legs are better so we're both happy on her progress.

Ian’s not happy with builders as they’ve laid the gravel to high. He can sort it out in the morning before we

leave for our night away.

August 25th

Wake up to hurricane winds, it must be our anniversary!

Builders aren't coming due to the weather.

We make our way to the hotel in Dower, park up and get some lunch, which luckily is part of the eat out,

help out initiative.

We check in, our room is by the courtyard, where valiant diners are attempting to enjoy lunch in the

hurricane. Only the British!

In our room, we hear the marquee lifting and crashing outside. It's a bit worrying as well as distracting.

We meet our friends in the bar at 6pm. They've clearly been arguing and are sniping at each other. Ian and

I try to lighten the atmosphere by being jolly. We move to the restaurant and order a fine meal. I have the

most expensive meal as its included in the deal.

 

 

 

 

We walk up the road to the next pub, our friends are arguing again. There's no one about and we are

stooped in the head wind. I suddenly laugh at our night, friends arguing and a gale force 10 wind. A proper

anniversary.

When we get to back to the hotel, our friend tries to get the porter to reopen the bar. Ian and I are insisting

we are going to bed. We can't take much more! Suddenly, our friends hold hands and go to bed too!

August 26th

I sleep late and our friends have had breakfast already. We dodged a bullet I think. The breakfast is simple

due to the restrictions. Just croissant and toast.

We leave and notice all the fallen trees and debris all the way home. This year has been so memorable for

all the wrong reasons.

The builders are here and warn me about some wind damage in the garden. My poor arch has snapped in

two and the clematis I've trained up it, has to be unravelled and saved. Welcome home.

I see Louise and the kids for an hour, but they exhaust me today. Louise laughs at our night away. I laugh

at our night away. Those nights make the best stories and memories.

August 27th

The builders are late but don't stay as its pouring with rain once more. I ask them to work Saturday as it’s a

fine day. We need to get on with it as I'm getting fed up with the upheaval. They're not happy but they'll do

it. Luckily men are scared of me!

Go to Edith's. She's moaning she's too weak to have her hair washed. Luckily, I know she hates it being

washed and tell her it's being done regardless! I do it as quick as I can and she's soon back on the hair with

a fresh hot water bottle. All the 'weakness' has gone as she laughs at our night away story and I do her

curlers.

I'm back home put willow is out in the rain. I don my coat and fetch her from Edith's garden, I pop in my

coat with her head stuck out. She loves it. I feed her and send her to bed. I hate my babies being in the

rain.

August 28th

Builders get started while it's not raining. I change my gym time so there's one of us here to supervise.

The gym is quiet, and I head to my running machine. When I get to the cycling bike, I have a long

conversation with an attendant. It passes the time and I learn about her covid lock down. She's young,

perhaps 22 years old and she spent it alone. After 8 weeks she started getting down which doesn't surprise

me. But she created a routine for herself which kept her going. Apparently, all the gym staff are part

furloughed now. I'd never heard of part furlough, but it makes sense as the gym is not at full capacity yet. I

told her I thought she was amazing for surviving lock down alone.

 

 

 

 

Get home and now we have to visit the tenant to see the broken fence post. I'd agreed with her neighbour

to view the fence from the other side. We meet our friend there who will help Ian repair it. The lady next

door won't let more than one in as she has had cancer. Oh dear. I offer not to go in and say Ian and Mike

will wear masks. She is crying now which I feel is slightly over the top. I tell her neither of them will touch

anything and wear the mask at all times. She relents thankfully. I tell her Ian and I had covid tests recently

but don't mention it was 3 weeks ago. I sound horribly selfish, but I know she will not get it from us. Plus,

she will be the first to moan if the fence finally falls down and with no back access to my property, she has

to meet me halfway.

Ian’s friend, our best man, rings. He's booked the same hotel we just stayed at, with his new girlfriend. He

wants us to book too. It's November time and way past my gallivanting covid safe time. I book anyway but I

will monitor the covid situation. Feel a bit disloyal to Dennis’ wife, meeting this girlfriend. She died three

years ago but Dennis cheated on her for 15 years with this girl. I know he's nervous about me meeting her.

As they live in Northwest, I only met his wife a few times, so we weren't close or anything, but still. Dennis

had an accident at work and lost his right arm at the shoulder. His wife, despite his infidelity, really looked

after him and he did begin to appreciate her again before she died of lung cancer at 55 years old. It's just

too sad. But I will behave.

August 29th

I had a lousy night’s sleep. I just kept waking up every hour. At 5am I give up sleep and get up. I sit with a

cup of tea and watch the dawn and listen to the birds start to sing. I realise these are last few days of

summer and must be appreciated. Goodness knows what the next 6 months will bring.

August 30th

Sort out a family squabble between my daughter and her eldest. My quiet Sunday has gone out of the

window already.

I wash my windows as I can't stand the mess from the builder’s dust. It's pointless as they are here this

week too.

I go to my container where I keep Mo's wages, ready for tomorrow. Half of it is missing. Oh no! I know I had

it all as I'm always on top of preparation. The builders have access to our house to use the toilet. There are

times when we are both out. My heart sinks that it must be one of them. I tell Ian who thinks I must have

miscalculated but in his heart, he knows I haven't.

We agree not to say anything to them. They're halfway through the job and I can't prove it anyway. I top her

wages from my purse and take any cash upstairs. We decide they will not be left alone again in our house.

We were robbed before by a builder when a money box was stolen. I did get the police involved but it

couldn't be proven although the labourer did have a criminal record as it turned out. You really never know

who you are letting into your home.

August 31st

 

 

 

 

First cleaning with Mo. Then shopping with Mo as she can get a lift home with her food. She's not daft. She

does use my hand sanitizer as she won't be invited in my car if she doesn't. She does it automatically now,

which makes me smile.

Go over to Edith's and leave Ian to unload the food shop. She's moaning about the branches in her garden

again. She's the worst hinter in the world. I tell her l will do it when I get a chance. I wash her legs and

make her a tea.

Heard a terrible car crash this afternoon on the estate behind ours. Thankfully only walking wounded but

both cars written off and air bags blown. Interestingly, not a single policeman, paramedic or the doctor had

masks on as they attended the accident.

Did some cutting back in Edith's garden to stop her moaning. She did ring to thank me but she's so deaf,

she can't hear me reply. Most frustrating.

Ian was off today, so watched the tour de France for most of the day while I run around like a loon. He

promises me a foot rub later though.

 

September 2020

September 1st

At the gym for my booked session at 8am. One or two older people seemed to using it now. Mind you, it's

not safe. For all the spraying down of machines and cleaning, there is no ventilation whatsoever. I don't

know why I risk it really but I just having an overwhelming need to live my life. I appreciate the irony of that

as I may catch covid from the gym and could die!

It's too nice to stay in the house, so I prune Edith's blackberry Bush in her front garden. I can see my house

from there. The boss and a lad are working today, and I trust those two alone. The boss gives Edith a quote

for new windows as Edith's daughter hasn't provided anyone yet. Edith enjoys all the company. Within an

hour I see her asleep in her window. Mouth open, catching flies.

Dad facetimes me. First time in ages. He's got his finger over the sound button, he's upside down looking

over the top, so my mum can speak to me. All I can see of her is her nose and forehead, which is pretty

much all I can see of my dad too. They do make me laugh sometimes.

September 2nd

What a morning. The builders brought round the new slabs for the island area. They're not going to match

the other slabs. I tell the builder, but he tries to persuade me they will match. When he first quoted, I e -

mailed a picture of the slabs I wanted. He'd said, he would source them separately. Eventually I ge t through

to him and offer to go to B&Q myself to order them, the ones I first wanted. He's very stressed as his vans

not working and the guy who lay's them won't be here after today. Tough. I go to B&Q and order them.

 

 

 

 

After getting Moody with the store assistant, they will arrive tomorrow, and I got 5% off. Menopause has its

uses.

I give the builder painkillers for his back, which he's complained about all week and give him acupressure

on the spot that hurts. He's very grateful and I feel we're back on the right track once more. I realise this

behaviour is not normal for most people, but I don't need a melted down builder with a job half finished. I ’ll

do what it takes, within reason of course!

My dad rings. The first few minutes of the conversation are bizarre as usual. It's always so random and I

have to catch up quickly, as he assumes I know what he's going on a bout. It's about my mum's eye

operation in November. She's not received confirmation yet and is in a flap. She's so impatient but it’s my

job to talk her down as my dad is at the end of his rope. I do as required and now she is calmer. But with

Covid 19 her operation is not guaranteed. Is it too early for a gin and tonic? It's been a long day.

September 3rd

Went to my first yoga lesson at the gym this morning. We were all in segregated corona boxed lines in a

massive sports hall. The problem was I couldn't hear a thing. I ended up copying the people either side of

me which is hard when you're already contorted in painful positions. Overall, I loved it and will book again.

After Edith's, I go to the builder’s yard that I call home. I love the builders, but I've had enough now. I see

they've started laying the grass out. They all lie on it once it's unrolled. The bosses back is bad again so I

stand on one foot and dig my heel in as a form of acupressure. Ian brings tea out and looks in wonderment

at the madness on the new lawn.

September 4th

Ohmigod! I wake up and every muscle in my body hurts. I can't lift my arms and my buttocks are throbbing.

This must be the yoga!

I limp to the gym for my workout. They know I tried yoga and are laughing at my pain. I thought yoga was

gentle stretching, instead I feel I've been on a rack.

I see Edith's mobile hairdresser in her car. I wave to her, and she pulls up. She's really down I can see. She

starts to cry and tells me she's lost nearly all her clients since covid lockdown. I feel a smidge of guilt as

Edith still has me doing her hair. But it seems Edith is not alone in going a different way. The hairdresser

tells me her clients are having their hair done by family now and don't need her back.

The hairdresser’s argument is she’s had a one-on-one relationship with these ladies for 10 to 20 years and

now they've dumped her. I understand why she is upset but explain that she does a service for money

(she's flipping expensive too and I can see her clients have saved a fortune, Edith included) and its just

business. I’ve been made redundant from jobs that I was really good at; it hurts of course but it's just life. I

say, don't take it personally. I tell her, she's had a crap lock down like others have and to be positive for her

lovely life in general. She bucks up a bit and agrees to come to yoga next Thursday. The bloody pain will

take her mind off her troubles!

 

 

 

 

Builders are clearing up now. My washing line won't go in, so I make a labourer spoon out all the gravel

until its clear and it fits again.

September 5th

Apart from the patio island next week, the builders are finished.

I start the big clean and putting back pots and cleaning all the dust of everything in the garden. It's a sunny

day and it's pleasant to have my garden back. Ian’s doing the front of the house.

I go and see the kids back from their caravan holiday. Everyone hugs me, including the dog.

I treat Ian and me to a takeaway meal. I lay the table and pour a chilled white wine. We toast to our new

garden.

I go to bed early and do my usual spider watch. It's spider season and they appear, normally in my

bedroom, out of thin air. I spot one and batter it with a flip flop, but it runs into my wardrobe. I call Ian, who

is cursing, to empty the boxes at the bottom. Finola helps and they find it. Phew! The thought of it crawling

on my face when I'm asleep...... Yuk. Ian has to show me the body as he's tried to fool me in the past when

he hasn't caught one but says he has…

September 6th

My lie in with the papers has been gate crashed once again. First with Louise my daughter moaning about

something. Then my dad and mum, who spend an hour moaning about her eyes and they want me to sue

the NHS because her eye operation was botched. Is this what it is to be the sandwich generation? And I'm

in the middle of four generations! I feel rather stressed by lunchtime and so some painful yoga.

Arranged a get together for Wednesday with our friends. An early one has its a school night. I need

something to look forward to.

September 7th

Clean the community centre with Mo. A few more staff have come back after lock down. It's nice to see

them after six months. Other staff will continue to work from home for the foreseeable future. Personally, I'd

rather come to work. Working from home would be so isolating. I do think a long, dark winter will push

people back to the office. Who wants to be alone all day with depressing weather?

Go to Edith's and do her care needs. We have a giggle with a cuppa. I send her to bed with a hot water

bottle and her legs elevated. Her cellulitis is quite bad at the moment. I tell her about the mobile

hairdresser, that she's upset for the loss of business. Edith doesn't want her back, she's happy with my

effort. I've done all I can and given Edith the option to have her back.

Spend a peaceful afternoon in the house until Ian comes home.

September 8th

Go the gym early. Definitely more older folk there now.

 

 

 

 

Go on to do food shopping. Spend £150 on tomorrow's soiree and food for the week.

Once home, Louise rings to say she and my son in law may not come. Apparently, her mother in laws

neighbour works with a man who has covid. Louise and the kids where with the mother-in-law on the

weekend, who was with the neighbour the day before, who worked with the man at a distance for 10

minutes the day before that. It’s beginning to sound like a Monty python sketch.

I tell Lou to grow a pair and still come. I'm not cancelling when I've bought so much food and wine. Covid

seems less deadly now and I'm sick of altering my life around it. I would never arrange a soiree on a

Wednesday but did it to suit a couple in our group. They cancelled yesterday due to bloody covid in their

son’s school. The show must go on, I tell Louise. She says she'll remind me of that when I'm on a ventilator,

when the nurse holds the phone to my ear. Charmed, I'm sure.

I'm sick of covid. I look into its invisible face and tell it to do one. I want to live my life as fully as is possible

but still be sensible. I’m not listening to all our governments anymore as I can't honestly tell you what the

rules are today.

I hope this diary extract doesn't come to haunt me.....

September 9th The builders reappear to lay the island of paving slabs. They should finish it in a few hours. Halfway through their work, they call me. Three slabs have broken. I ordered two extra anyway, so now we're one short. I go up to B&Q and beg for the display model. They say okay...... Until I see it has display model stamped on it. We valiantly try and remove it but its not coming off. I could weep. I reorder three more slabs and go home to tell the builders the bad news. We are all peed off that they have to come back for just one slab. I'm left with an unfinished jigsaw in my garden until they can fit me in. Meanwhile, I have a buffet to prepare for our soirée. I am bitterly disappointed that I can't show off my finished garden. Our friends arrive and we are lucky that it's warm enough to sit outside. I leave sanitizer out which no one uses. By 7pm, it’s gone really chilly and everyone crowds into the kitchen. I put the kitchen heater on and soon it's very warm and we're all squashed together in a covid’s dream scenario. I'm not drinking much as I have yoga and Edith's tomorrow. I feel bone achingly tired this evening. I enjoy the company but can't wait to end the night. September 10th I wake up and feel off colour. I have a bit of an upset tummy and feel heavy. I cancel yoga as I know it's too much. I still do Edith' s as she needs me. Edith's was manageable and I took my time doing her legs, hair and cleaning. Get home and my dad rings. My mother is yet again hysterical about her eyes. I speak to her and try to reason with her but as I don't say what she wants to hear, she throws the phone at my dad. Oh dear. I can't really cope with her tantrums today. I tell dad I'll be over tomorrow. Ian will have to talk to her and fuss her which is what she wants. A narcissistic mother is hard work, always has been. Ian makes me a coffee and I lie on the bed. I'll give the gym a miss tomorrow to be sensible and rest.

 

 

 

 

September 11th Sleep fitfully but do feel a lot better this morning. I'm not going to the gym though, until next week. I need to rest mentally and physically. Louise rings twice. First to say she has a cold. Secondly to say she's opened a letter that says her smear is abnormal. She has health anxiety so I must bring her down from the ceiling. I promise to call in after my folks visit. Go to my parents, as arranged. I'm not looking forward to it, nor is Ian. My mother is straight onto her eyes before we've even sat down. My dad and I make coffee and I leave Ian alone with her. We're only gone five minutes, but Ian’s eyes are rolling. At least I had five minutes talking to my dad before she takes over any group conversation. We then suffer two hours of her eyes, the failed operations and the one coming in November. She swings between shouting, swearing, crying and screaming at us if we give helpful advice or God forbid, try and change the subject. I help my dad try to compose a letter to the eye surgeon with all this going on. I tell my dad, if you ever murder her, I will stand in court to defend you. We finally escape and Ian and I discuss her behaviour, again. I wonder, out loud, if she has autism combined with narcissistic personality disorder. Ian just says she's nuts. We call into Louise's for round two of stress. She's in bed surrounded by kids looking like a Victorian lady with the vapours. I tell her I had an abnormal smear, that she'll be fine, as I was. I get home mentally wrung out. I then spend an hour or two washing windows, creosoting the shed and sweeping outside. All to get things back to normal outside. September 12th A rough night. I feel like my throat is full and it's still a bit sore. Feel tired but I've promised to have the youngest two while Lou goes all the way to the back and beyond for a covid test. I realise the stupidity of this sentence. If she does have it, I already have it too anyway. My temperature is normal at the moment. Louise rings, she's had the test and it wasn't too bad. She's in full health anxiety mode and it's just too much for me today. She doesn't consider that if she has it, then I will have it too. I'm in a far greater risk category than she. Ian says she's a lot like my mum. I feel surrounded and claustrophobic. I'm suffocating in hysterical women. I ring dad, so he doesn't ring tomorrow and interrupt my rest day. He says have a quick word with your mother. I shout 'no! '. It pees me off when he does this. He just wants the burden of her. But as I've told him before, you chose to marry her, I had no choice in her as a mother. He's a bit cross but I don't care. I had enough yesterday. Survive the babies visit. Take it easy this evening, nice meal and early night. September 13th Feel a little better this morning. My throat doesn't feel as bad. I'm still going to take it easy this week. Maybe no gym but I will try to make yoga on Thursday. Ian’s gone cycling. I actually read all the papers in bed. I hadn't turned my mobile on so I can avoid interruptions.

 

 

 

 

I get up as it's getting really sunny. I carry on with little post builder cleaning. I'm content pottering about. Speak to next doors daughter, she's a nurse. She was telling me any NHS staff member who goes abroad and then has to quarantine, will do so unpaid. Hurrah for common sense! Louise rings, well, she's done well to get to 4pm. She's still poorly but looks better to me. She informs the eldest’s comprehensive is closed to year 7's as a pupil tested positive. The eldest can still go to school as she's year 8. We have to see what Louise's result is yet... Ian and I discuss it, what's the point of quarantining all of year 7. They're never going to learn anything if they keep having two weeks off every five minutes. Let them all catch it, I say. September 14th

Hedgy’s been spotted last night, back home. She had a boyfriend, and they were honking long after I went

to bed. It's a bit late in the year for hoglets which means I'll be putting food out over the winter. We've also

got Pidgy, a wood pigeon who flies over my head to the bird table. If it's just me he'll stay and eat. I call him

now and he comes when I clang the bird food tin. I could give David Attenborough a run for his money

these days.

 

Another beautiful day. Ian’s off to do my tenant fence and I'm off food shopping. 99% of people are wearing

masks in the shops. That's not bad for round here! The two I see who men don’t are. I pull them up on it.

One completely ignores me, the other says he's exempt. I don't believe him for a minute.

After unloading the shop, I head to Edith's. I wash her legs, replenish her hot water bottle and make her a

cuppa.

I bought more plants while shopping, so I plant these out. It’s too hot to hang about in the sun. I come in

and play on the kids’ game for a bit. Got to clean later which is a pain, much rather do it in the morning.

Do the clean with Mo. Thankfully no one is there, so we fly around. We've decided to do a Saturday

morning as going out at 4.30pm on a winters evening is no fun.

 

 

 

 

Louise’s covid test is negative. So, everyone can go back to school and work. I'm doing the school run

tomorrow and Thursday as Louise starts a college course. Thursday she is having a colposcopy and

possible treatment. I'm so relieved they're doing it quickly for her.

September 15th

Terrible night’s sleep. Sore throat, coughing and hot flushes. Get up early as I can't go back to sleep.

Ian goes to pick up the slab we need in order for the builder to finally complete the job. It's bugging us both

it's dragging on.

As it's sunny, I decide to pull out all the furniture and give the place an autumn clean. For two hours, I

hoover, mop and vax the rug. It's very cathartic. I'm not going to the gym this week, only yoga on Thursday,

so this is good exercise. I'm a bit stressy about doing two school runs this week and having the youngest

for two afternoons. I always get overwhelmed when I'm forced into childcare. I like it when I want them. I get

very claustrophobic otherwise unless it's an emergency situation.

We have an early night as we've both got a lot on tomorrow.

September 16th

Kids arrive at 8am. I field arguments about who is riding shotgun in my car to school.

Get to the school after making them all play an imaginary instrument to classic FM to the car radio.

It's complicated with the school covid restrictions. I take one to the hall, then two to the gate and then the

youngest back to the hall 5 minutes later. Who needs the gym? It is nice seeing the other grannies and

mums I've not seen for months. I'll go back now at 11.30am to get the youngest Jess.

Pick up Jess. Louise comes back early but stays for lunch. She is worried about the hospital tomorrow. I

am too but hide it.

September 17th

I'm awake at 5am when Ian gets up for work. Knowing my day is so busy, I can't get back to sleep.

The kids arrive at 8am and I give them breakfast before the school run. Louise looked pale driving off.

Drop the kids off and now I have an hour or so before yoga. I pop to Lidl and get some things in for a nice

breakfast with Ian tomorrow. I then go for a coffee on my own and watch the world go by. I've still got loads

of time, so I pop to the allotment to pick up secateurs that I left last week. Have a quick chat with the guys

down there and then drive to the gym.

Yoga is as hard as ever and I feel I make break a bone! Downward dog defeats me and just makes me

burp. My wrists can't seem to hold my weight for as long as everyone else in the class. I haven't farted yet,

so that's a positive.

 

 

 

 

Arrive to get Jess but Louise has had to pick them all up as Maisy coughed. It's ridiculous. Tell Lou I'll come

and see her.

Lou has got CIN 3 cells in her cervix. This is not great news. She will have to have laser treatment to start

with. They've taken two biopsies and she must wait two weeks for the results of those. Let's hope it’s not

worse news. I must dash as I've yet to do Edith. I'm exhausted already.

Fly around Edith's cleaning and wash her legs. She understands I'm tired and lets me leave to rest. I'm

going to have a lie down on my bed for an hour.

My sister-in-law in California has messaged me. Showing pictures of the red dust from the fires there. They

have had a miserable six months, with covid and these awful fires. They can't even open a window and it's

114 Fahrenheit! I update her with news here of two local lock downs. I tell her Lou’s dad is locked down

where he lives, and my son in laws mum is locked down in local lockdown too. I imagine she's still trying to

say the place names!

September 18th

Not aching much from yoga which is wonderful. The builders coming today to finish off. I can't wait to see

the back of him, lovely as he is.

I lay the table from breakfast as I'm doing a chilled special one for a change with Ian. It's slightly spoiled

with the builder looking in on us as he's working but I'm damned if it's going to be spoiled. I feel like the

violinist on the titanic valiantly playing on, despite the odds.

Ian and I go to the garden centre. It's lovely drifting about and I buy two rather expensive plants but I'm

pleased as they're unusual.

Come back and my reflexologist arrives. A blissful hour chatting and relaxing.

We are out at the local golf club with our friends Perry and Deb. It's a curry night and we bookies it two

weeks ago.

We are shown into a massive marquee where there are about 80 tables set up. There are two other

occupied tables and us. Sadly, two hours later there are still only the three occupied tables. There are more

staff than diners! Apparently, everyone has cancelled due to local lock downs. I feel awful for the

organisers. I bet they've lost money on this. It also feels cold due to the emptiness of the vast space.

We taxi back to our friend’s house for a night cap. We have a laugh but soon Perry and I arguing as we

always do. Normally it's just banter as we are both Alpha personalities. But Perry is upset his expensive

music system is on the blink and he can't show it off. He storms out and I go to apologise for teasing him.

It's all fine again after a bit. I reckon it's a sign of solid friendships when you can have spats and not let it

bother any of us.

September 19th

 

 

 

 

A windy but sunny day. Feel a tiny bit hungover but not horrendous. Promised to have two of the kids today

so must get my arse into gear. With that Izabella messages me to remind me they're coming over. I say

Bampy will pick them at 10am. 'yay' she replies.

I'm drinking my first cuppa when my dad rings. Could I order some copper pans from John Lewis online? I

say I'll ring him later then have a look.

Kids arrive. We fill them with food. I find it slows them down a bit, which is helpful to us. They spend ages

putting on shows for us after they've raided the dressing up box. It's pretty much the same show every time,

mixed with laughing and running up and down the kitchen. Ian reads his paper and I try and stay awake.

An hour later the eldest Bethany comes up. I feed her first and then we lie companionably on the sofa

playing on our phones.

4.30pm and they go home, full and happy. My job is done.

Have a lovely chilli for tea and we're both in bed by 9pm!

September 20th

Lovely, chilled morning in bed reading yesterday's and today's papers. Get up at 11am and start pottering

in the garden. It's autumn weather from Tuesday and I want every thing in its place before then. Spring

bulbs planted out. I always wonder if I will live to see them flower. I mean, you never know, do you? I take

nothing for granted.

Ian’s home and laughs at my doing yoga on the artificial grass with the cats. I must get the practice in as

I'm currently the second worst in my class. It doesn't bother me that I fall in a heap at class quite often, but I

must show some improvement. Problem is, I can't hold my body weight on my hands. My wrists feel like

they're about to break!

Share a nice chicken dinner and watch a three-episode programme on Dennis Nelson. It gives me

indigestion by the end of it.

September 21st

I’m out food shopping by 8.30am. It’s quite quiet but everyone I encounter has a mask on.

Get home and unload the food. It’s really sunny and hot. This is the last day of summer if you believe the

forecast. Before going to Edith's, I put stuff away out in the garden, cushions etc. Pidgy flies down, wanting

food. I'd bought some bird seed earlier, so I open that. He flies out of reach was while I pour it out. He soon

hops back and feeds. I have a little chat while I peg washing out. I sound rather mad.

Do Edith's legs. Her hearing aids are flat, so I hold off conversation until I've done the batteries. There is a

slight improvement but not much. Her deafness combined with short term memory is extremely exhausting.

I have to raise my voice constantly but then have to repeat the conversation five minutes later.... And then

again later. Nobody but me and her daughter visit anymore. I know it's because of this. It's sad for Edith but

people can't cope anymore. I need a lie down after I've been there. I love her though and will keep at it.

 

 

 

 

Clean the community centre with Mo. It's really hot in and out. I feel quite unwell with hot flushes on top of

the heat. It really can't be good for me, this heat all over. Manage to finish and wait in the car for Mo. I can't

wait to get home, it's been a long day.

Have a cool bath and collapse on the sofa.

September 22nd

Surprisingly, after feeling so tired, I slept badly. This really pees me off. It was warm night, and my hot

flushes were going off every hour.

I drag myself downstairs for a cuppa. My intention is to get back to the gym today, I haven't been for two

weeks. I'm depressed at the thought that I don't want to go. I'll leave it to later in the morning and see how I

feel.

By 10am my guilt has won through, but the gym app won't let me book. I drive down there and swipe my

card. Alarms do not go off, so I sneak up there. I'm going to do a shortened workout, that's my

compromise.

By 11.30am everyone has left, and I have the place to myself! Until I realise, they're locking up around me.

I've done 40 minutes so I'm happy to go.

Watch a film this afternoon, ignoring the phones ringing. I'm so menopausal these days, my hackles rise at

the thought of speaking to anyone. Nobody rings me unless they want something or to moan. My spiritual

shop is closed today.

See the prime minister is making lock down changes later. Does this mean the gyms will close again? A

maximum of six for indoor sports? I will lose my yoga class.

The NS&I have stripped the interest rates to 0.1%. God, I hate this country right now.

September 23rd

Grandchildren are dropped off at 8am as Louise goes to college. Ian takes them to school, and I will do the

nursery pick up later.

I pick up Jess and we go to the local charity shop. I've got two bags of clothes for them. When I get to the

door, they inform me I must go around the back 'due to quarantine' - what?? I walk all the way around the

building with Jess and two heavy bags. I just hand the bags to the same woman from the front. I can

actually see right through to the front door of the shop. Completely pointless! Honestly, people make up

pointless rules to make themselves feel important. I'm sure this single act will save Ochr Y Bae from

lockdown...

Lou turns up to get Jess. She wonders if we should book swimming on Sunday in the hotel, as we're

staying there. Really???

But yes, she ring’s and we do have to book an hour’s slot, 4pm to 5pm.

 

 

 

 

After my overloaded feelings over the last few days, I decide I need a break. I text Edith's daughter and say

I'm taking a week off from caring duties. She pings back that's fine. Lou will do a shift at the community

centre with Mo for me. Hopefully, it may be possible to have a night or two away but with tighter measures

coming in, who knows. Looking at the lockdown map, Ochr Y Bae and Ystrad are trapped in all around!

See a funny on fb about 10pm curfew....

 

Like an hour will make any difference!

September 24th

A busy Thursday again. Meet the mobile hairdresser at the local coffee shop before our yoga class.

An enjoyable chat and a latte was really pleasant.

I found the yoga class really hard today. Drinking a large latte was a huge mistake. I find the downward dog

really hard anyway, but the coffee was coming back up as well. I'm afraid I burped a few times but

thankfully somebody behind farted twice, therefore taking the heat off me. I was willing the class to finish to

be honest. I told the hairdresser no more coffees before the class. She agreed and we will have a quick

cuppa after instead.

Stagger over to Edith's. Cut her hair quite short, then wash and set. Wash her legs and then clean

downstairs. I've been out of the house four hours now and I'm ready for lunch and a sit down.

Shower and wash my hair. Have a sit down but still deal with messages and emails. No peace for me, as

usual.

September 25th

Ian and I have our proper breakfast again. We are rushing slightly as we committed to helping our

neighbour by taking in a parcel. Because we are doing a job for my dad, Lou is waiting at ours until we get

back. Then we will take over parcel watch.

 

 

 

 

 

Get to my parents earlier than they were expecting. My dad has toothpaste on his chin where he's rushed

to let us in. Ian gets on with fixing the light and I dodge my mother for as long as I can. Eventually, I admit

to defeat, and we sit in the lounge. She's straight on about her eyes but I bravely ask her to talk about

something else. She starts talking about her hip and I slump deeper into the sofa.

We leave and relieve Lou. No sign of the parcel but Lou has eaten all breakfast blueberries for the week.

Watch the news. Ochr Y Bae is in lock down from Sunday 6pm. We're at the hotel on Sunday. The hotel

says it will shut the pool at 6pm for the duration. We're booked for 4pm! We can only stay there as we

already live in Och Y Bae. I say to Louise that I will have to pretend my granddaughters friend is my

daughter as we can't mix households and say we all live together. This is getting very awkward now. Will

we pull this night away off, I wonder? Without a fine?? I'm feeling very MI5 about this mission.

September 26th

Clean the community centre this morning instead of Monday. Mo and I arrive and there is some sort of

event on. Bugger! They all have masks on, and we don't. We avoid everyone as best we can but there is

some tutting at our lack of masks. Gamely, we get the place clean, and I zoom up to Lou's house.

The kids are shouting when I arrive and climbing all over me. I've got Bethany birthday cake with me for her

to give her visitors today. I leave her presents too, as I'm not taking them to the hotel tomorrow.

We discuss pretending we are all from one household while we are away. Bethany giggles at the thought of

her grandmother going to prison if we get found out. I argue back that I'm too pretty for prison and her

mother should take the hit! Lou hits me.

Come home to see the rotary washing lines come down. Ian has left it but at least picked the washing up

off the ground. Hours pass and there it is still broken. Ian says he'll buy a new one. I go out with an Allen

key and stick it through the hole. All repaired. Ian looks shocked at the repair. Hah, and he calls himself an

engineer. Honestly men, no wonder all the countries ruled by woman are faring better during the

pandemic.

September 27th

Bethany 13th birthday. Pick up Louise, Bethany and Bethany’s friend Amy. Drive a weird way to town as

castle street is closed by the bloody council.

Leave our bags at the hotel reception and go off shopping. Bethany wants to go to Starbucks, so we all

traipse to shopping centre. Have a very overpriced coffee.

Little do I know but Amy has a fear of going down escalators, she can up but not down. Three of us get on

the escalator to the ground floor. I turn and Amy is frozen at the top. Don't ask me why but instead of going

down and up the other side, I decide to walk back up against the tide. Whilst doing this I'm shouting with my

arm out 'Aim, Aim, Aim' to encourage her to join me. She doesn't. I'm now going at some pace to keep in

the same place and have drawn quite a crowd. I won't give up though. I'm determined to get to the top. I'm

 

 

 

 

out of breath and hanging onto the rail to lever myself up further. Eventually, to applause and laughter, I

make it! I grab Amy, who looks stunned and probably embarrassed, and down we start to go. I look over to

Louise and Bethany going up the adjoining escalator. I realise what a pillock I am.

Still laughing we go to find Bethany clothes to buy with her birthday money. There's lots of arguing as she

complains there's nothing she likes. It's hard going and I wonder how I'll cope all night with four of us in one

room.

We get back to the hotel exhausted and check in. We quickly change for our allotted time in the pool.

There's one other woman in the pool who is a little bit weird. Everywhere we are she's near us. We move,

she moves too. We pretend to be salmon and flop around the pool. Louise does it best and we can't stop

laughing. The woman looks on incredulously.

We are chucked out of the pool and come back to the room to rest.

We go to a pub, and we have to queue. Louise uses her NHS app on the QR code. We say we are one

household. We are seated, surrounded by students! One household my arse. Everything is ordered via the

app. I prefer to actually look at a menu but that must be an age thing. We quite cramped in surrounded by

screens. Any time anyone moves near us the screens rattle, each table is doing it to neighbouring tables.

It's quite amusing and all the tables laugh.

We get back to the Hotel at 9pm. It's absolutely silent. There about eight rooms occupied tonight due to the

lockdown starting at 6pm. There are 300 rooms in the hotel. It's really eerie to be honest. We go up to our

room. Bethany is a bit freaked out and wants the window closed. I'd rather it open due to my night sweats.

We compromise and turn the air con on cold. Within half an hour we're all coughing and have sore throats.

I'm the last to sleep. I have an inch of bed as Louise is wrapped in the white duvet. She's like a giant

iceberg next to me. I'm physically exhausted but I miss Ian and home.

Everything is weirdly silent in the hotel and outside in the street. In a town you can normally hear noise until

3am but it's uncomfortably quiet. Bit spooky TBH. This feels the strangest of times and I've never felt it

more than tonight.

I sleep eventually, fitfully though.

September 28th

Woken up at 7am by Bethany’s phone alarm. Grr!

Breakfast is disappointing as everything is in little containers and you have to keep asking for extra things.

This is not a five-star breakfast.

We are by the Castle and there is barely any traffic at all, strange for a Monday morning?

Ian picks us up. Barely any traffic still, so we get home in record time.

 

 

 

 

Do Edith's but she can see I'm falling asleep and releases me easily once I've finished my chores. Hope to

lie on the bed for a bit.

I don't sleep but try to relax instead. I just want silence for an hour. I stuff my ear plugs in to drown out the

television on downstairs. Ian can watch for hours and hours, drives me nuts.

Get up and make dinner. I barely eat as I'm so tired. Give up and go up at 8.30pm.

September 29th

I slept well but really fancy a lazy morning. Of course, I don't. I go to the gym for an hour which I loathe

doing, followed by a food shop.

Spend £150 shopping! And my mask was cutting into my ears the whole time. I bought some Christmas

gifts along the way, I've got to start somewhere. The majority goes on cat food, it's ridiculous how spoiled

they are. Plu,s I've worked out I've spent £320 in two days!

Unload and unpack the shopping. Takes forever. I'm rushing and I have no idea why. I’m stressed but have

no idea why either. All so much to do every day I suppose.

I need to give the kitchen a good clean. We have fruit flies everywhere. I move the aloe vera outside and

kill the flies I see. Strangely there's loads by the coat rack. I discover Ian’s sweaty gym coat has attracted

fruit flies. I chuck it in the wash and hoover flies up. That's the last time that jacket is coming in the house

unless it's being washed. Once again, I wonder at Ian the teenager. When he told me that he'd missed me

Sunday night and the day felt long, I replied 'run the bloody hoover round then'. Apparently he never

thought of it...

Finally have a sandwich at 2pm and a coffee.

Ian gets home from work, and he sees I'm moody. I order him to cut the grass as rain is coming in

tomorrow. He doesn't argue and does it. I feel better and he knows he should have done it Sunday while I

was away. He actually told me it was a long day with me away, once again I say he should've filled his time

with chores as I do, especially fruit fly Armageddon.

He rubs my feet for me later in the evening which always calms me down. I know I'm being a cow lately,

bloody hormones.

September 30th

I’ve got a free morning until 11am when I pick up Jess from nursery. I plan to savour it. I'm downstairs by

6.30am and have a pot of tea. It's pouring outside and I cosy up. I have to nip out to feed Pidgy and I check

that hedgys eaten her biscuits - she has. I watch GMB and they're slating Boris for not knowing the lock

down rules. Boris is a huge disappointment as prime minister but the rules in different parts of the UK is

confusing. Alarmingly 71 died yesterday. It’s going to be a long, scary winter. I've booked a week off next

week and was considering a night away in Ochr Y Bae, as we can't go anywhere else, but I'm not sure

now. Ochr Y Bae Town felt surreal on Sunday night, do I want that again?

 

 

 

 

Pick up Jess from nursery and bring her to my house. I guess this is allowed as Louise is having a zoom

college lesson.

I take Jess home and go into Lou's house. This isn't allowed but I go in anyway. It's not that I want to break

the rules but what's changed since we shared a hotel bedroom on Sunday night?

Our friends have cancelled their dinner party on 16th October. It's very disappointing but I understand. It's

going to be a long, long winter with socialising banned. I'm so glad that I spent the later summer months

filled with social and fun activities.

Over dinner, Ian asks “will Christmas be rubbish?” I tell him.... 'not on my watch!'

October 2020

My daily entries finished at the end of September but of course the pandemic didn’t end there…

October, for us, was more of the same. We, being largely untouched by Covid, but our lives and freedoms

affected nonetheless. We still managed to get out socially now and again, to restaurants, celebrate family

birthdays and enjoy time with our friendship bubble.

November 2020

We see a great deal at the vineyard and spend a spectacular night away together. The weather was cold,

crisp and sunny and our room had amazing views of endless fields. We enjoyed a superbly cooked three

course meal, much wine and enjoyed a woodland walk. In my heart I felt it was our last hurrah before winter

took its toll.

December 2020

This was to be the month that the covid tsunami finally reached us. While we had watched and read about

the thousands of lives in the UK being affected, we had watched it as an almost documentary. We knew it

was real, but we felt detached, almost smug if I’m honest. But here is my personal account of what

happened to us.

December 10th

Edith is having cataracts surgery toady. I’ve gone over to get her ready for her daughter to pick her up. She

is nervous but I tell her it must be done as she is going blind. She knows it must happen. I see her off with a

wave, and then clean around before coming home. Her daughter will be staying with her for a couple of

nights while she recovers.

Ian comes home from his spin class. He is very shivery and has a shower to warm up. He’s soon okay

again, a bit tired though.

December 11th

 

 

 

 

Ian has a cough, not a continuous one, but a bit of hack. I find it irritating as I’ve just had a hearing aid fitted

today and it’s magnified in my ear. In the end I have to remove it.

December 12th

I wake up with a sore, scratchy throat. Last December I had a bad cold and I think here we go again. Edith

has had her operation, it went well. I’ve agreed to baby-sit her for a few hours while her daughter pops

home. Edith can’t be left as she bends down without thinking and that is bad after a cataract operation. I’ve

taken the paper with me and companionably lie on the sofa while she does her crossword in her chair. I

make her a drink and do her a fresh hot water bottle. I’m there for two hours.

December 13th

It’s Sunday and my granddaughter’s 4th birthday. It’s not until 1pm and I’ve told Edith’s daughter that I’ll

baby-sit in the morning, while she pops home again. My sore throat has gone but I feel so tired. I just lie on

Edith’s sofa, and we repeat the routine of yesterday. I go off to Louise’s house where a gathering of the

other grandparents and some Aunts and Uncles are. Ian has not come with me as he doesn’t feel up to a

crowd.

We are all bunched up together in Louise’s living room. I tell her I’m not staying long as I’m tired. The other

grandfather is on his phone outside booking a covid test. I ask why and he says his parents don’t want him

for Christmas without a negative test. Plus, he said he had a headache the day before. I think nothing of it.

December 14th

It’s my normal visit to Edith’s this morning and her daughter nips home to bath and change again. I can’t do

much for Edith today, so we chat, and I lie on the sofa. I cannot concentrate on the paper, and I have

developed a headache. I leave and stagger home. I’m supposed to be cleaning the community centre later

but the way I feel it’s not going to happen. I ring Louise and ask if she’ll step in, and she agrees. I lie on the

sofa tired but don’t sleep. Ian had gone to work this morning, I advised against it as he wasn’t well, but he

has a hero complex and insisted he had to go.

Ian is home teatime and sees I’m not well. He sorts a simple dinner for us. Louise rings later and tells me

that the other grandfather has just tested positive for covid. Ian and I are shocked, more so because I was

sat with him the day before. We carry on talking on face time to Louise when I realise I have the headache

that he complained about. We all go quiet. I know I haven’t caught it from him as it’s only been a day and

I’ve been unwell for three. To say your heart stops is an understatement. Could we have Covid??? I get off

the phone and book two drive in tests for tomorrow. I’m white faced with illness and Ian starts to get upset

about having gone to work today. But the biggest nightmare is Edith…I immediately speak to her daughter

and explain the situation. I will stay away until the results.

December 15th

Ian and I drive down to the testing site. We check in and are directed to a bay. The place is virtually empty.

We are given our tests. I think because we are so ill today, we struggle. I do my own but gag so much I

open the door to be sick. I get told off for this even though no one is next to us. I just get it over with and

 

 

 

 

then have to do Ian’s because he can’t cope with it. After gagging and hurling abuse at each other, its

finally done and handed over out of the car window.

We come home and flake out; I’m really starting to feel bad now. My chest is really tight, I ache, my heads

in a vice and I’m exhausted. The day passes in a blur.

December 16th

I come down early to have a cuppa. I feel rough but switch on the TV. My phone pings. I read that I am

positive for Covid. What the actual...! I run and shout up to Ian and he checks his phone, nothing as yet for

him. I face time Louise who is still in bed and tell her. She and her family tested yesterday as well but theirs

have all come negative when she checks. She can’t believe I am positive. I can’t believe I am positive. It’s

just too huge to think about. I’m in total shock. I text Edith’s daughter and tell her the awful news. All Ian

and I have worried about is Edith. I didn’t hug her or touch her so I’m hoping for the best.

The next few days pass in a haze of illness. My chest is scaring me, I am a lifelong smoker and I know my

chances of severe covid are greater plus with my age too. Ian is tired but doing okay, it’s me who’s not. I

got up at one point and felt like someone had stabbed me in the back, I stood stock still and breathed it

away. I had panic and anxiety attacks over those days. I thank God for my oximeter which measured good

levels all the time. I took magnesium for my anxiety, high doses of vitamin C every day and no painkillers

as I’d read your body heals faster without them and a temperature is a good thing. By day 4, I could taste

and smell absolutely nothing but forced food down to keep my strength. I’d lie down in the afternoons when

I hit the brick wall but for two nights couldn’t sleep due to stomach cramps and pains in my legs. I was

sobbing with lack of sleep, convinced I would die. I told Louise where my Will was. My dad dropped my

mother’s melatonin over and with that I slept right through. Neighbours shopped for us as Louise had to

isolate due to us. Still no result for Ian until Track and trace finally rang and told him he was positive. Track

and trace had fun as we’d been everywhere without knowing we had covid. The hospital, gym, yoga, flu

jabs at our doctors, work. The call operator was practically hysterical at her new workload.

I was still poorly but had improved when the very worst thing happened. Edith had developed a cough.

Her daughter sent off for a home test. Edith was told Ian and I had flu so as not to scare her. I’d try and

wave at her on my doorstep. I knew she’d miss me and that just compounded the feeling of guilt and

shame of not considering I might’ve had covid all along. We facetimed on her daughters mobile, Edith’s

eyes looked so tired, I felt wretched but stayed upbeat talking to her. Oh God, Oh God, Oh God.

My recovery was slow and steady after 6 days. I got a bit breathless still and went to bed ridiculously early

with the melatonin capsules.

22nd December

I receive the dreaded text. Edith has covid. Ian and I collapse with shock. I cannot verbalise the pain in our

hearts. Ian even worse because it was clear I’d got it from him before passing it to Edith. Edith was weak

and her daughter, Tara had put her to bed. Tara was on adrenaline now and I guessed she was coming

down with Covid as well. F**k. I had to do something. I messaged her I would come over tomorrow and

 

 

 

 

help with her mum. I was still in quarantine until Boxing Day but I couldn’t do anymore harm now we all had

it.

23rd December

I let myself into Edith’s; I’d alerted the neighbours of Edith’s plight so they wouldn’t think I was being

irresponsible, though that ship had already sailed in my eyes.

Tara, knowing I was coming, had just collapsed on the sofa asleep. I went up to see Edith. Despite being

so weak and poorly, she smiled at me. I held her hand and said I was back now to look after her. She told

me how glad she was I was here, and she’d missed me so much. I knew that Edith had always trusted me

to look after her, so it was a knife to my heart to hear those words. I made her take sips of water and tested

her oxygen level, it was good. Her pulse was high, but mine had been 96 with the infection too. I took her to

the toilet but she was so weak it was like walking with a zombie. I checked on Tara, gave her a hot water

bottle and a melatonin. I gave Edith a melatonin too, to help her sleep. She slept for hours as did Tara. I

popped back home and told Ian I’d have to stay the night there. Tara was out of it and when awake was

delirious and talking nonsense. Ian took a turn on checking on them both every hour until the evening. I

was still not well but I had no option but to go back over in my nightie.

Stupidly, I took a melatonin before I got to Edith’s to help me sleep once I was there. But within 10 minutes,

I could barely speak coherently. My other mistake was giving Edith melatonin during the day. She was now

more awake and panicky and just nodding off occasionally. It was now midnight; I’d slept an hour before

Edith needed the loo. I walked her to the toilet, but she kept grabbing things to hold out of panic. She

managed to lock us into the bathroom while being half on and half off the loo whilst being completely rigid. I

took her weight terrified for my two slipped disks and felt exhausted. With that Tara knowing something

wasn’t right crawled up the stairs to help. We managed to get her back to her bedroom before Tara

collapsed on the floor. I stepped over her to cover Edith back up in bedclothes. I helped Tara back to the

sofa and she promptly fell asleep.

Edith cried out at 2.45am, I gave her water and went down to replenish the hot water bottles for her and

Tara.

At 5am, I did the same again and soothed Edith. I tried to go back to sleep on the uncomfortable bed in 25-

degree heat but gave up. I went down at 6am and made a cup of tea, I opened the kitchen window to let

cool air in and Finola appeared! I was so happy to see her. I sat and drank my tea in the dark watching

poor Tara sleep. I realised that I couldn’t look after them both for another night, I was just too shattered

myself. Edith certainly needed more care than I could give. I hoped if I could get into hospital early, she’d

stand a better chance. Some knowledge I picked up was that people let their oxygen levels drop before

going to hospital, then it was usually too late. Edith’s currently was 95.

At 8am, I came home and rang Edith’s doctor. He agreed that Edith needed to be in hospital and he

arranged an ambulance for later on.

I went back and woke Tara up to tell her. She agreed with me.

 

 

 

 

The ambulance came after lunch. The paramedics said they wouldn’t take Edith if she wasn’t deemed bad

enough. Oh yes they would, I thought. Sadly, she was bad enough. Her vital signs were dropping a bit so it

had been the right time. The paramedics both had had covid, the younger one has long covid and she and I

were both breathless with trying to get Edith out of bed. Earlier, I had spoken to Edith about her going to

hospital and she had cried ‘No!’ I then had to tell her she had covid, that we all had covid. I will never forget

the look on her face to my dying day. The absolute terror.

I climbed into the ambulance to talk to her. I said that she needed fluids and I couldn’t do that for her. I said

she was doing really well and I’d collect her in a few days. ‘I trust you’ she said.

I went back into the house, Tara was awake at that point, she was crying. I told her it was the right thing

and she said she knew and was relieved. Honestly? I was too.

Tara spent one more night at her mother’s house before Ian drove her home to isolate there in her own

bed. We kept in touch daily regarding her mum. I rang the hospital too. Edith was up, and then she was

down. It was a rollercoaster of emotion daily. Our breathe was held. Christmas was just Ian and me.

Nobody wants to see you when you have covid; people assume you’ve been irresponsible. The day wasn’t

too bad; my taste was back, though smell wasn’t. Tara had text that Edith was brighter, so we made the

best of it. But everything we did was always with Edith on our minds. Our concentration was zero, we

couldn’t watch a programme all the way through, or read a book. We’d have to stop and talk it out with each

other. Always about Edith, Edith, Edith. Everybody was hanging on to news of her, on Facebook, my dad,

just everyone regardless of whether they knew her or not.

During this time, things got even worse. Edith’s neighbour, opposite us and our friends too. He’d received a

diagnosis of cancer just before covid began. Then we were told he had two weeks to live. We all loved Neil

and his wife, always part of our community get-togethers. His wife Alison wanted him home to die but due

to blood clots he couldn’t be moved. Alison was distraught on my doorstep.

Next door again to Alison, opposite us, the lady was having nurses in multiple times a day. Her daughter

and family were there permanently. I was very friendly with her until a silly falling out last year. I knew she

had bone cancer, so this looked like end of life care.

A gloom had set in our lovely little cul de sac. Everybody felt it, directly involved or not. Three houses in a

row all facing their worst fears. No one knew what to say. Edith’s life was hanging in the balance and the

other two would die with no reprieve.

New Year’s Eve

Tara messages, Edith has deteriorated and she is with her. That’s all she writes but it is enough. She is

with her. She is with her. I break down knowing I will never see her little face again. It’s so huge, I cry in

panicky gasps. I start to calm eventually and feel nothing but numbness. This continues every day, this

numbness. A part of me still hopes, I message Tara constantly, that she could still rally, put her back on

fluids, her heart is strong, I want to speak in her ear please – tell her I love her, I’ll sit with her if you need a

break, bring her home as we can look after her. Endlessly messaging, leaving voicemails for her which she

either ignores or just replies with an emoji. I’m paranoid I’m being shut out, Edith loved me too, she needs

 

 

 

 

me, she feels safe with me – all this going on in my head. But I gave her covid, didn’t I? Tara hates me, that

is all. Of course, she does. I hate me, Ian hates himself.

January 5th

Alison’s daughter knocks my door to day her dad Neil died suddenly this morning at 8 am probably of the

blood clot, not the cancer. We are knocked for six.

2pm. Tara rings my phone for the first time in 3 weeks. I know what’s coming. I find I am ready. Edith died

at midday, Tara wasn’t there, she’d gone home to shower when it happened. Tara and I cry together on the

phone. She doesn’t hate me after all. I’m glad that now I can start to talk to Edith, and no one can stop me

just because I am not family. I write a tribute on Facebook to Edith. It’s about her and the things she loved.

That I loved her. And that she loved me too which was most important of all, as I’m a pain in the arse. How

lucky I was. I break down as I’m alone and really let rip as you can only do when alone. Then I’m not alone.

Louise is here holding me, crying herself for Edith. She says, ‘we were Edith’s family, Mum’. We were, I

know it.

10pm. Liz dies, she was a lifelong friend of Edith too.

All three die on the same day, living in three houses in a row. It’s somehow poetic and it comforts me that

they will make the journey together to Heaven. We all leave electric lights on our front windows to glow all

night as a mark of solidarity and mourning. We will do it for a week.

January 8th

It’s three days since I lost my friend. I’m talked out processing her loss. The loss of our other neighbou rs.

Nurses replaced with family visitors. But a calm has descended on our street. The worst has happened

now, a line has been drawn, and they’re all at peace.

I think of Edith’s death in a different way. I think if in three months, she may have fallen and broken a hip

and never come home. Or her memory problems she’d have of late were the start of cognitive decline.

She’d have to go into a home. Her worst nightmare I knew. What if …maybe a covid death was her

destiny? She was pain free and comfortable; she was 91 after all. This is not about appeasing guilt; it’s

genuinely knowing about Edith’s wishes and with that knowledge wondering if this was perhaps the best

ending? She was tired of life, the pain she was in, being alone most of the time after such an active life.

She’d told me all this though I could see it anyway.

Had all roads led us here? The gerbils dying in the summer. When I left once recently, putting my hand on

her shoulder as she turned to look up at me and tears filling my eyes –I was drinking her in. The

conversation with Tara when she stayed at her mums for that few days after the cataract operation – ‘you’ll

be glad of all this time with your mum, when you look back one day’. I couldn’t know what was to happen

weeks later.

So many little signs, preparations for the ending of a life, loose ends tied up.

 

 

 

 

Do you know, when I went to her house on the 5th, she had died but I hadn’t known that then. I went in to

check all was okay. I sat where I normally sat, facing her chair. I grabbed her wedding picture and placed it

on the table facing her chair. I sat back again. I stayed that way for five minutes or so. The house felt

empty. She had died then though I didn’t know it. I didn’t feel her there at all. This house was her prison. So

now I know she will never have a presence there. She is free.

 

Edith 1929 - 2021