Corona Diaries

Harmony

“In some way this is a very special time - all 5 of us together - as this will probably never happen again with their ages and their life stages.”

Background Information

Female, aged 45-54, Working from home, South East England, White, Married, 3 daughters all of

whom moved back home at the beginning of the first UK lockdown.

March 2020

Experienced a high degree of anxiety - fear about myself or my family becoming ill, uncertain about precautions we needed to take. My job entails a split of working from home and in the office but as my manager is not on-site I decide to work from home the whole time. A couple of weeks after this we are told officially we must work from home anyway. (well before lockdown). There is no disruption to how I go about my work. All meetings can be conducted by Skype - cameras on or off depending on who the meeting is with and their preference I’m reading the news frequently on my phone. I don’t panic buy but I make sure we have full cupboards and a back-up of everything. I impose a 2-of-everything limit on myself before any restrictions are initiated by the supermarkets. Tinned foods, paper products - toilet roll, kitchen roll, rice, pasta all become scarce. I needn’t have worried about dog food… I make sure the cars have full tanks of petrol. Oldest daughter commuting daily into London, worried about her exposure to the virus. Hoping her company would instigate a work from home policy. Middle daughter is in Paris on year abroad, should we bring her home, when should we bring her back, not too early and have her miss out on the experience but not too late and have the risk of her being stranded there? Should she stay and ride it out in Paris. But what if she were to become ill, would she get the same kind of healthcare as she would in the UK? There would be no-one looking out for her - her 80+ year old landlady would not (should not). When should our youngest daughter come back from university - what guidelines were the university giving? Also would her uni ski trip be cancelled, wanted them to make the decision and not her d ecide and then miss out if trip still went ahead. If she went - would she be putting herself at greater risk of exposure to the virus? Relief once email received saying trip will be cancelled. Should we still go on our family skiing holiday - were we exposing ourselves unnecessarily if we went but then was I, as usual, being too cautious? Decided we would review a few days before we were due to fly - Macron then closed all ski resorts so decision made and a relief that this was taken out of our hands.

Middle daughter decides herself that it's time to come home, in a couple of days, we push for her to come back the next day - Eurostar rather than plane. Good decision, the day she arrives home Macron closes all pubs and restaurants, cafes etc at midnight. Her friends who were thinking of staying in Paris also now start thinking it’s time to come home which helps reinforce for her that she made the right decision. Big relief that she’s home. We try not to have any physical contact for a couple of weeks - just in case she has been exposed to the virus in Paris. Youngest daughter decides it’s the right time to come home - about 5 days before we go in to lockdown. Husband drives up and back in one evening and clears out all her things - 5 hour round trip. All lectures are now on-line. Again, we try not to have any physical contact once she’s home in case she has been exposed to the virus. It’s horrible not being able to hug them. They think I’m being distant with them but I’m just trying to protect us all. Anxious about whether or not to go ahead with social occasions - think we shouldn’t but we don’t want our friends to think we’re being silly and over-cautious. We are fit and healthy and are not aware of having any underlying health conditions but then even young, fit people are dying… I haven’t minded being in my 50s but now 50 feels old and I feel vulnerable. Finally, on Monday March 23rd, oldest daughter receives an email (as she is commuting in to London) telling her that she can work from home. She turns straight back around and comes home and I pick her up from the station. Massive relief, they’re all at home - again I’m avoiding contact just in case she’s infectious. Monday 23rd March - watched the announcement, we’re now in lock down. Sad and scared but also relief. The rules have been laid down and we now know what we can and can’t do and we will stick to this, Not in work this week as we should have been skiing, take the week as holiday anyway and potter around at home .Weather is nice so had a good hour long dog walk every morning, planted seeds for vegetables and caught up with friends by ‘phone rather than meeting up for coffee. Lots of reading too.

April 2020

Life in lock-down is okay… First three weeks are still a worry as waiting to see if any of us develop

symptoms and I’m anxious and tearful at times. As time goes on I become less stressed and more hopeful

that we can avoid becoming ill. However my daughter is put on furlough and I worry that she will eventually

end up being made redundant. She is on the cusp of a new chapter in her life, moving to a house share in

London with her friends, this may not be possible financially if she is made redundant. I also worry in

general about how our economy will recover from this and what kind of lasting negative impact there will

be.

We settle into a new ‘normal’ and the lovely weather helps. We’re all spending more time at the dinner table in the evening, chatting about our day. We’re all generally upbeat but once in a while one of us will have a down day - fed up of being constrained, and worrying about how long it will be before we are completely

back to normal (could it really be a whole year before this is completely over as some news reports suggest?). I am finally letting myself hug everyone again. I’m working full time at the kitchen table (middle daughter has commandeered the office as she is still working for the Parisian company). It’s not the best place to work as I’m disturbed every time someone comes into the kitchen, and I have to ask everyone to be quiet if I’m on a call but it’s also quite sociable and I can see who’s raiding the cupboard for snacks when they’re bored. I do need to make myself get up and move about. I feel very sad for the young people (and not just for my own daughters) - all the missed experiences that they won’t be able to get back. The girls are missing going out socialising and have had events that have been cancelled which probably won’t now happen. My life hasn’t massively changed, I can’t meet friends for coffee, go to the cinema, go clothes shopping, go out to restaurants or the pub or out to friends for dinner and I miss getting ready to go out but I am also quite content with dog walking, reading, pottering, etc which are things I have always done. In some way this is a very special time - all 5 of us together - as this will probably never happen again with their ages and their life stages. I can still exercise on the turbo trainer (bike) which I have always done, my husband can still go out and cycle. The girls are either running, making up/following on-line exercise routines or going on the turbo trainer - they can’t go to the gym anymore but they seem to have been able to adapt their routines. I have a couple of low days. I get very anxious when the P.M. is admitted to hospital. Nothing to do with my political affiliations - it just makes it feel very real and I feel sad for his pregnant partner. Whether a supporter or not, it’s not good for a country if their leader dies… The announcement of the second 3-week lockdown makes me very low too (although I had expected it and I probably feel more secure when we are in lock-down), the change in the weather didn’t help either - sunshine makes everything feel better. I’m down for a couple of days but realise it’s affecting everyone else in the house too so I pull myself together, list all the activities I can do to occupy myself and I arrange a whole load of video calls and catch ups - with individual friends, ‘couple’ friends’ and groups - for the next couple of weeks. I also send an email about the CoronaDiaries research. What’s changed?? My husband now does all the food shopping - he thinks it’s best if only one of us in the family is going to the shops and potentially exposing themselves to the virus. This is a big change for me, I would normally pop into our local supermarket daily for a newspaper and fresh bread roll - as well as doing the big weekly food shop - I have NOT stepped inside a shop of any kind for 5 weeks now. He only shops twice a week now - a second shop is needed to top up on fresh fruit and veg, it doesn’t last if you buy it only once a week and we eat a lot. I’m trying to only look at the news once a day

We’ve started doing jigsaws… I’m making my own bread rolls from scratch (now that we can buy yeast and flour) I’m only walking the dog once a day, not twice, but the walk is a lot longer I’ve not had to fill up with petrol since March - I’m only driving the short distance for the dog walk. We’re spending a lot more on food and hardly anything on anything else. We’re all catching up with our friends via video calls and have each participated in at least one virtual quiz night... We’re all standing outside the house @ 8 pm every Thursday clapping our hands, banging saucepans and waving at our neighbours. The neighbour opposite has decorated her hedge with ribbons reflecting the colours of the rainbow. A lot of houses have rainbow pictures in their windows, or clues for a ’treasure’ hunt which someone in the village has set up. There were no cars driving up and down the road outside the house @ 9 am on Saturday morning - unheard of.

May 2020

Well we started the month in full lock down and have now had two changes to the rules. The ‘full on’ lockdown rules were clear and we all knew what to do, the later changes have been somewhat ambiguous and make it easier/more tempting to ‘break’ the rules. My fears about becoming ill have lessened but I am more concerned about an economic and mental health crisis. I have days when i am relaxed and calm but have other days when I panic and wonder how we will ever recover. I also feel slightly institutionalised - I have still not set foot inside a single shop, petrol station, building etc apart from my own home. I am nervous about going back into the community and of not being as ‘au fait’ with the protocols as other people who have continued to shop etc. My only journeys are to drive to the field to walk the dog every morning - so once a day and only about a mile away. Last weekend I drove outside of the village to meet a friend at a local park for a socially distanced walk - I felt quite emotional and anxious as I reached the roundabout and realised I had not been this far for around 9 weeks! My husband is still doing all the food shopping, there are still queues but no apparent shortages. Some shops/customers definitely seem to have mastered the art of social distancing better than others. I am enjoying the fact that I can now meet friends for a socially distanced walk followed by the simple pleasure of sitting on the village common with a flask of coffee. Also that I can walk with my daughter on our ‘lunch break’ without the fear of this being the second bout of exercise of the day.

We have settled into a routine of weekly calls, quizzes and the NHS clap etc. Week by week the neighbours are looking more and more tanned. Hairstyles are varied - either in need of a cut (and dye) or VERY closed-shaved cuts (some misunderstanding about the settings!) from those men who have resorted to the clippers. My daughters are very excited at the prospect of being able to meet in small groups from next week and we hope to have friends around in the garden soon - as long as the weather holds. My work is a bit quieter as our client has less demand for contractors but so far no sign of being furloughed. We have been asked to volunteer to take a 10% pay cut though. There has been no suggestion that we should return to the office so I will continue to work from home for the foreseeable future.

June 2020

The announcement that we could now meet in groups of 6 was very welcome but also presented challenges. Friendships do not necessarily fall into these neat groups of numbers and now it felt like you had to make choices about who you would and wouldn’t see and would that cause offence. The first time of meeting in someone’s garden felt both very normal and very strange at the same time. We couldn’t hug, we took our own drinks and glasses, and we couldn’t go through the house but once we got over the initial differences it was easy to forget the situation and almost feel like everything was normal. At this point checking the weather became a regular (sometimes hourly!) activity. Meeting with friends if the weather was lovely was an absolute pleasure Deciding whether or not to go ahead if it was raining became a big discussion point. Whereas in normal times we might cancel events if the weather was looking poor, we would now go ahead come rain or shine and just became very inventive with finding cover from the rain. Eleven weeks after not having been in any other building but my own home I decided it was time to venture out to a supermarket. I had not been shielding, or in quarantine, we had just decided as a family that only my husband would do the shopping. I went with my husband as I was worried about doing something wrong. I was very nervous in the queue and kept checking with my husband what I would and wouldn’t be allowed to do. Once in the shop I felt fine. It was relief to finally browse again and not have to think in advance of everything I needed and add it to the shopping list. I was surprised that a lot of the staff who were stacking shelves were not wearing masks and that you had to go closer than two metres to them to pick up what you needed. Since that trip I have visited town, filled up with petrol, collected a prescription from the vet, been to a garden centre, bought takeaway coffee and been back to my local supermarket (I used to be in there daily, this visit was my first one for 3 months). All very normal (dull??) activities and ones that I had been used to doing daily but now felt strange and required forethought. With the vet I had to pre-book a collection slot and the item was placed outside on the steps of the surgery, we could not go in. Town felt very strange with the direction arrows and queues to go into the shops. I didn’t enjoy it and I will not be rushing back to try that again.

I’m still working from home full time, baking bread rolls and having zoom calls although some of these are now being replaced with meeting up. Quite a few of my friends are of the same mind set as me - we are slowing inching our way back to normality but are not in any big rush to be in situations with lots of people. I cannot really look forward to the future as I still cannot imagine us ever getting completely back to normal and I do worry about there being a second spike. We seemed to pull together as a nation and do so much to curb the spread but now there seem to be so many mass gatherings (football celebrations, BLM demonstrations, visits to beaches, illegal raves). I would be amazed if we don’t see a spike in cases. We have seen the best of humanity and the worst and that is very sad. We’re looking forward to the next relaxation of restrictions - being able to have another family in the house will make us less obsessed about the weather! Will we visit a pub? Not sure yet, not sure how we feel about mixing with people we don’t know…

July 2020

July has been a busy month. I’m still able to work full time from home so no real change there. My husband is now back in employment and has taken over the office, so I am still based at the kitchen table, it is however a little quieter in the house. We have started to do more ’normal’ things. My husband’s annual cycle trip has now gone ahead - just in this country, rather than abroad. I have been able to visit my sister on the coast and even paddled in the sea (but at 8.30 in the morning to as to avoid as many people as possible). My oldest daughter has now moved into her house share, my middle daughter has returned to Paris to finish her internship We’re watching the news daily to see if (when??) quarantine will be imposed for those returning from France. We would like to join her at the end of her stay but do not feel comfortable booking anything yet. It’s very difficult to plan ahead. My youngest daughter has picked up a part-time job and has also gone away on trips in this country - sort of normal but not normal based on keeping in mind social distancing, travelling on public transport and not wanting to get caught in any local lockdowns. I am feeling much more comfortable about general, and supermarket, shopping - I am just less inclined to do them as frequently as I used to and everywhere is definitely quieter. This then makes me worry about the economy…the hundreds/ thousands of jobs which seem to be lost on a daily basis are worrying.It is going to take a very long time to recover from this. The introduction of the compulsory mask wearing has been interesting - I think it means people are slightly less likely to keep their distance - it’s possibly giving a false sense of security? We haven’t yet ventured inside any pubs or restaurants and are still socialising with friends in the garden (rather than in the house - even though we could have one family indoors). This is okay for now, not so nice once we hit Autumn/Winter and the weather turns. We have been to a couple of pubs where we are able to sit in the garden and eat/drink. This has been lovely and has felt like normal times.

So at times it’s possible to almost forget that the virus is still out there but it is and the daily statistics from this country and abroad tell us that we could be due to be hit all over again. It hasn’t gone away but the relaxing of restrictions and being able to go out and socialise make it seem like it has. Every so often I am reminded how contagious the virus is and then I struggle with how relaxed we seem to have been allowed to become. I’d hoped we would be completely back to normal by the Autumn but already my daughters who are still at university have received emails about lectures etc being online for at least the first term. I think we will be well into 2021 before we can even contemplate that this may have gone away. I think that’s all for now.

August 2020

August has been an interesting month and most of the time I feel ‘normal’ until I remember life is still restricted, we cannot do everything we’re used to doing and we still cannot plan too far ahead. Mask wearing has now become second nature and it seems hard to imagine a day when we won’t have to wear one. also think we’re unlikely to be anything like normal again until after the Spring next year - if then? I’m sure we’ll experience some kind of lock down again too between now and next year. We had wanted to visit our daughter in Paris this week but that’s no longer possible and she is coming home soon having finished her internship, ready to quarantine for two weeks. Instead we’re taking our holiday in this country - something we haven’t done for years. We were also naive in thinking we could book something in the UK at short notice - either fully booked or very over-priced! We have now found something near Tenby and are looking forward to a change of scene. My oldest daughter did manage a trip to Italy where restaurants were very strict about contact details and temperature checks but social distancing at bars seemed very remiss. Like myself and my husband, she thinks it’s unlikely that she’ll be back working in the office until well after Christmas. I do think some of the novelty or working from home has worn off, a change of scene and some different conversations would be good. We have now ventured a couple of times inside a pub, restaurant or a cafe and this has helped the feeling of normality but also raised the question as to whether we’ve been exposed to the virus and worrying for the next couple of weeks if any symptoms are going to appear. We still try to eat/drink/socialise outdoors as much as possible. And of course we had to take advantage of the Government’s ‘Eat Out to Help Out scheme’! It’s great that the Government have offered these types of scheme (and furlough) but where is the money coming from??? We are going to feel the economic repercussions of this for years. My two younger daughters are getting ready to go back to university - they’re keen to be back with their friends which is understandable. I just hope the ‘big return’ doesn’t start a second wave…However, just by being more mobile - visiting friends whilst trying to keep within the regulations etc I am sure is exposing them and us to more risk. We all try to be very vigilant about distance, masks and hand washing. I imagine some of these habits will now be engrained for life. I think that’s most of my thoughts for August, hope that helps.

September 2020

When I started writing for the project I had hoped we would be completely back to normal by now but that was obviously wishful thinking as we are probably many months/years to being back to anything like we were before. And I think many things will have changed for ever - far more working from home, continued mask wearing when out and about and perhaps a bit less confident about the security of lifestyle that we take for granted. I’m trying to live day by day and not think about the activities and freedoms which I miss. Everything is just a bit more low key and I am just hoping that we do not have a strict National lockdown like we did back in March. Let’s see if these local lock downs actually work? The rules keep changing and they are very confusing but we can hope. My younger daughters have returned to university and we are all hoping that it is not true that students will not be allowed home for Christmas? They are trying to adapt to a very different university life from that which they have previously experienced and there is a definite increase in their levels of anxiety. They want to be amongst their housemates and able to attend any contact hours which are taught in person but there is definitely so much more that is now being taught on-line. We are very conscious of making the most of each and every day and the current ‘freedoms’ which we are allowed as we are very conscious that some kind of lockdown could be implemented at any time. My mother-in-law and brother-in-law & his family are already under a local lock down in Wales. My daughter is returning to a university in a city which has greater restrictions than she has at home. She has already had to quarantine for 2 weeks having returned from her internship in Paris. We had not started to have more than one family at a time in our house or to see more than 6 people at a time outdoors so the latest ‘rule of 6’ law has not had a massive impact on us but we are wondering how easy it will be to socialise now that the evenings are drawing in and it is so much colder. The BBQs and meeting for coffee at outdoor venues do not now seem quite so appealing.