Corona Diaries

Kaylee

“All my life I have supported and appreciated the National Health Service in this country…But I really don’t understand why the general public thing that putting signs up and clapping can help this situation in any way.”

Background Information

Female, aged 63, Charity Fundraiser, Wrexham, White British, Separated from ex-husband, Partner

called Spencer, Two adult children Samuel and Sarah, Two grandchildren Isabel and Eliza.

March 2020

Personal background I am a single woman who has been separated from her husband for 5 years after a 37 year marriage. I live

alone in North Wales in a village on the outskirts of the Welsh border town of Wrexham. I work full time but

from home as a charity Fundraiser & Volunteer Manager for a well-known national charity.

I have a son, Samuel. He is married to Sarah and they 2 daughters aged 10 & 6, Isabel and Eliza they live

in Lancaster. I also have a daughter Sophie married to Rob who live in Copenhagen.

It was during one of my regular visits to this city at the end of February 2020 that I first became aware that

the Coronavirus was going to have an effect on all of us.

I write a journal everyday on my iPad. I use ‘GridDiary’ this is why there are Positivity, weather, Health &

Sleep notes throughout.

March

March was when we first realised in the UK that this virus which had merely been rumours previously was

going to impact all of us. I started the month travelling back from Kastrup Airport Copenhagen and almost

from the moment I arrived back home the virus was on my mind.

In this first month of my diary, you will read excerpts from my personal everyday journal. Reading back I

can see that some of my thoughts may seem petty and making light of a situation which has had such a

global impact, for this I apologise in advance.

Here I write about way things were just prior to the lockdown, my friends, health issues and my concern

about the closure of the gym and search for satisfactory replacement activities. Also some minor health

issues and the accessibly of health appointments. I also note other people’s reactions, both of friends and

the general public.

I had a few work seminars and meetings in the last days before lockdown.

Sunday 1 March 2020

Last day in Copenhagen with Sophie I have been here since Thursday – fly back tomorrow.

Monday 2 March 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Very Happy

Today I need to..

Flying back today at 5 .....So looking forward to getting home...., it I’m not really dreading the journey back. I know which way to go and have no worries about anything....I don’t have even the slight apprehension that I feel when I am travelling out to Copenhagen.

Copenhagen Kastrup Airport were already starting to put measures in place for the virus and signs about the symptoms etc were all over the airport. Manchester Airport had nothing when I flew out on 27 th Feb and nothing when I landed.

Tuesday 3rd March 2020 Got back around 7pm. When I switched on the TV there was a big Documentary programme about CoronaVirus. People hardly mentioned it when I’d left the UK.

Wednesday 4th March 2020 The corona virus is making itself very well felt across the UK and in the News particularly there is a lot of talk about the ‘Emergency’. I need to see the doctor about the pain in my right leg. But I am expecting it to be very difficult to get

through to the surgery, even though folk are told not to visit their GP.

Thursday 5th March 2020 Went to the doctors…got an appointment quite easily in the end… had to keep phoning until I got

through…but it was ok. My appointment was at 11.30 and when I got there were slightly more people than

usual, but no chaos.

She told me that there’s nothing wrong with my hips’ Hurray!! She has however, diagnosed Sciatica –

which is not great of course - and said I should not run at the gym or walk uphill (I hate the running

anyway). More Anti inflams etc. and hopefully it will get better. Phew! I was so pleased!!

Saturday, 07 March 2020 6 hours 43mins sleep 1 hour awake – 42 mins deep

11,798 steps

My partner Spencer arrived from Brecon yesterday to stay for a few days.

We went to Costas by DW to do the Guardian Quiz and had such a laugh and a good time. In the evening

we went to the Indian Restaurant …

Sunday 08 March 2020 7 hours 22 mins sleep 1 hour awake 24 mins deep.

12,708 steps – no problems or pain from my legs/back/hip..

We had a long walk in the Forest and Sunday dinner which was fine, Spencer was as usual very sweet and

good company.

Monday 9th March 2020 6 hours 37 mins 1 hours 5 mins awakes 29 deep

10,007 steps full gym workout and fast today.

Tuesday, 10 March 2020

5 hours 23 mins sleep

10,022 steps – as I went to the gym.

Positive things in the last few days

Me and Spencer sitting up in bed with fresh tea on Saturday morning with the prospect of The Archers

catch up.

Laughing in Costa as we settled down with fresh frothy cappuccinos to do The Guardian Quiz.

Wednesday, 11 March 2020 Spencer went back to drive the 100 miles back to Brecon to get back to work.

Very few steps yesterday as stayed in all day working on a montage film for work. The seminar day for the

Key Volunteers is on Saturday and I have a lot of work to do for it I must crack on today with the actual

presentation and the seminar itself -paperwork pack etc.

To be honest I wasn’t working all day I had a long chat with Georgie (a friend who is a former colleague

now retired). She is so worried about the Corona Virus – or COVID-19 to give it its proper name – that

she’s made sure her will is up to date and she’s written letters for the children. I was surprised that she is

not as laid back as I thought she was. Then I thought that maybe I should be more worried… about COVID-

19 but I’m not.

For a start, apart from taking the advice of washing hands and keeping away from crowded places, I’m not

sure that I can do anything about it and for another worry never solved anything.

There is much talk of people stocking up and rumour and misinformation about the panic buying of items

such as toilet rolls. Of course, there are a lot of very funny memes about this going around and humour

gets people through. I refuse to panic buy, even if I’m the last person in the world to get a pack of toilet

rolls. I have a pack of 4 here and will buy only what I need.

In the main, I tend to avoid the news and current affairs programmes so I just listen to the headlines and

ignore the rest.

Last night, we gave Ted his trophy as he retires as a Key Volunteer at a small (very small) event. The club

members told me all about their planned Remembrance Parade this year and the VE Commemorations

due to take place on 8th May.

Thursday, 12 March 2020 First thing today had a WhatsApp message on the Family Group from Sophie to say that Denmark has

closed down for 2 weeks due to COVID-19. Soph’s boss’s wife has it and is in hospital as she has

asthma….

All getting very serious and close now. I hope I don’t have to cancel the seminar on Saturday for the Key

Volunteers, but the situation changes almost hourly and it is certainly a consideration. I phoned Samuel (my

son) and he said I should cancel it. If it happens so be it… it will be a shame, but I will do whatever is

required.

To look on the bright side, at least it would save a lot of work, but I have around 25 people coming as well

as several colleagues and Ben our Regional Administrator from our Kent office.

After a chat with my manager Liz I have decided to go ahead. The venue is large and we shall bring sterilising handwash and recommend that people keep to the Government’s CV Guidelines of not touching the face, no contact, washing hands etc.

Friday 13 March 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Happy

Picked Paul Dance up from the Station as he’s speaking at my Wash up tomorrow. I was a little

apprehensive because I picked him up at 9 and we had the whole day to kill together...which is a long time

with someone you don’t know very well. But I needn’t have worried, he was great and such fun to be with

He hadn’t realised he would be going to Wales - he’d not been here before! So I took him for a ride through

some of the more scenic areas as the weather was very unpredictable. Then we finished off the work and I

dropped him at his hotel (Holiday Inn) at 4pm. Later I took him to a nearby Brewers Fayre for Fish n Chips.

Saturday 14 March 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Very Happy

Seminar was a great success, and it was a good turn out despite many of the volunteers being amongst some of the ‘at risk’ category – that is over 70. They didn’t really seem that bothered about keeping to

guidelines and we had to remind them to keep their distance and keep from shaking hands and hugging, which is what we usually do.

Basically ...I smashed it...back of the net....it all went extremely well.

I considered calling off going into Chester that evening to go out with Liz, Ben, and Teresa, but I didn’t. It was quite good, but I was largely bored and wanted to be home as I didn’t feel well and hadn’t got any appetite. Sunday 15 March 2020 Weather: Drizzly Mood: Neutral

How am I looking after my body today?

6 hours 41 mins sleep 1 hour 19 awake and 24 mins deep. Had diarrhoea again this morning. No pain and I feel alright, will try to have some breakfast, but after a very small amount of food yesterday it’s surprising how I’m not more hungry.... 09:12:40 I can feel another bout coming on.... but at least it’s not COVID-19 !! COVID-19 When I left the UK for CPH at the end of Feb COVID-19 was a concern, but only mentioned toward the end of the news. Announcements of deaths were in China and just starting in Italy. When came back from CPH on 2nd March I switched on the tv and there was a special programme on it....it was obviously escalating. The UK now has cases and yesterday’s the death toll in the UK was 96.

Monday 16 March 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

How am I looking after my body today?

I had 6 hours 12 mins sleep last night 1 hour 16 awake and 33 mins deep. I did 8156 steps. Still have a slight stomach upset. Fast and gym today

Journal

The news on COVID-19 today “The number of confirmed UK cases of the virus has reached 1,372, with 40,279 people tested, according to the latest Department of Health figures. Almost all of the new cases were in England, but 34 new cases were announced in Wales, 32 in Scotland and 11 in Northern Ireland.”

Penny (my eldest sister who lives near me) is a bit worried as the Government is saying that over 70s May have to go into self-isolation at some stage. Fairly typical vague statement from the Government there. I have seen a meme which makes a lot of sense which is ‘Don’t panic, just be careful’ which is my attitude to the whole thing. I am working from home today, but tomorrow will be going to Manchester for a meeting. I really want to go, so I hope it won’t be cancelled. 22:42:31 Well, it’s all racking up now. No-one seems able to talk or think about anything else. The Albino Mop boy and his minions issued more edicts today. The main one being we have to avoid non-essential travel and self isolate if any of your family has symptoms. Symptoms are currently defined as a cough and high temperature. I do wonder about some of the measures.....Still rather confusing here about what you can do and can’t do. I was at the gym tonight and was using the wipes on all the equipment and then me...then they clean all the equipment every hour....but I expect it will close soon. We think that Samuel had it a few weeks ago. It was funny because he was coughing and I said I’d never heard him cough before ....when of course I had I’m his Mum! But it was quite a severe cough and he got better and then got poorly again, as looking back as it, it sounded very similar to COVID-19 - Sarah is convinced of it. He’s fine now. Rob and Soph have taken themselves and the dog off to a Summer Cottage on the coast with some jigsaws...which looks idyllic, as travel to Airbnbs is permitted in Denmark.

I spoke to Sarah (my daughter in law works at a University library) for a long time this morning (2 feminists sorting the world out). She is still working in the Uni Library as if the students haven’t got that to go to they’d be stuck in their tiny rooms. But she doesn’t know how long that will last. I’m still up for going to see them next weekend or the one after. There are a lot of ‘acts of kindness’ going on and a FB page has been set up to help those around our village who have to stay in because they’re over 70. We have a big meeting in Manchester tomorrow and I am going by train. I like meetings and I am not bothered about CV or whether I get it...so long as I don’t give it to anyone else. I am sure that even if I got the virus I would weather it out.

Tuesday 17 March 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

How am I looking after my body today?

Still slightly rumbly stomach.... 5 hours 45 min sleep 1 hour 4 mins awake and 52 deep

Positive things about yesterday

I got to the gym who knows how long it will stay open? The way that people in the community are preparing to reach out to others is absolutely heart warming.

Journal

17:52:46

Photo removed for anonymity. Pictured left to right: Kaylee’s friend and Kaylee

Just had a bollocking from Samuel & Sophie because I’d gone to Manchester today and posted this pic to show how deserted the streets of Manchester were. The meeting in Manchester was attended by my Manager and 6 other staff members I took a judgement call i.e. thought very carefully about whether to go or not. We needed to work out how we are going to work now that we are confined to the house and so yes, it was necessary.

Also, professionally, I want to be known as someone who will always be there if she can...and I could. There was no excuse for me NOT to go. As I have no one at home to pass it onto I felt it safe to do so. Manchester was absolutely fine. The train was deserted as was the city. Met my colleague Teresa on the train and we sanitised everything - even the table...there were about 8 of us at the meeting in the Manchester office. We didn’t hug and kept our hands clean and discussed what work we can do now we have to work from home. Just listening to the advice in the radio we are now advised not to have ANY contact with anyone. Even visits to friends are not advised.... There is a lot of health advice – particularly from Dr Sarah Jarvis the Radio 2. E.g. A guy whose partner (who he doesn’t live with) is pregnant is told NOT to visit her. If we want to do a good turn for someone we cannot visit them but leave shopping on the doorstep... But the advice from our Government has not been to NOT travel and it’s all been so vague.....Only travel if strictly necessary....(well it was) even the advice from our work is ambiguous....

So in a blue funk I settled down for the evening and for the first time since I got this house I am not looking forward to being alone. And of course I’m not alone in being alone. The peoples of the entire world are sitting in their houses in isolation.

I phoned Peggy (mother in law in her 90s and semi-blind) who seemed to fully expect Pippa and Parker and Lucas to all visit her...when the news reports tell us not to...But she cannot manage without their visits as she can’t see very much. But the increasingly alarming advice (not an enforced edict) is to keep away from people. I spoke to Denise and we decided that I could quietly visit her house on Thursday.... Then I spoke to XXX. She said that she was reminded this morning of the trope that’s in disaster films when they wake up and it’s all been a dream....and that’s what it feels like. Totally unreal.

But then the really bad news...(and typically this was not the first thing she said to me but was mentioned in passing during our conversation) she has to go for a referral for breast cancer on Tuesday....as if she doesn’t have enough shit in her life.. She’s just recovering from a previous cancer scare and this one sounds pretty bad...please, please no...I can’t even go and see her....I can’t take her gifts or stay over or even see her in hospital if the worse comes to the worse.... But I guess the good news is that she is at least going to be seen despite CV. Now...it’s like everything’s changed in a day and everyday gets more and more removed from reality....as we realise that it will be a long, long time before we see any of the people we love.... I give up....I am in a deep, deep unhappiness...nothing is good...there is no light ...nothing... My God...what is going to happen??

Wednesday18 March 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Sad

How am I looking after my body today?

Did 8625 steps yesterday and washed and sanitised my hands at least 100 times. 6 hours 30 mins sleep 1 hour 21 mins awake 53 deep Positive things about yesterday

It was good to see the team and we had a very good meeting...we have worked out some things we can do while working from home. I count my blessings...for the time being I am at least in a job where I am secure. I am not under any

pressure to perform, even though we were given things to do. I have enough food and supplies for a week or so. I am warm and safe as are my family. This does not affect the environment and so the garden birds still come and go and I have a large amount of Goldfinches who regularly visit the birdfeeder. I have the phone and the internet to contact people and talk to them.

Journal

Had a long walk on the land around our local National Trust property and a cup of coffee and large slab of barabrith in the restaurant where they told me that the place would be closed tomorrow for the foreseeable future. A few staff would remain to do a ‘deep clean’ of the house and be kept busy behind the scenes. Of course Spring is a hugely important time for all NT Properties and so closing it now is unthinkable. Mum worked there as a volunteer for 30 years – her ashes are scattered in the Rose Garden there and she would be so upset at its closure.

I felt better for the walk as it was well over 10,000 steps. I have a feeling that my gym is going to close soon and I have to think how I can keep up my fitness as it is important for my immunity. I guess now is the time for me to try to find some new walks. I keep doing the one I know one as I don’t have to worry about getting lost.... It’s funny how the various Facebook posts from the NT saying it’s opening it’s parklands and gardens for free during the Coronavirus shut down. It sounds kind of positive, but the reality is they’ve just closed down. All you can access what you always can when the gates are closed. It may be different at Erddig, but you can’t even get into their gardens. Then I went to get some shopping. At the moment dried rice, flour, yeast, all types of pasta, tinned tomatoes, and toilet rolls are stripped from the shelves. I couldn’t really get exactly what I wanted, but there’s nothing I’m short of. Sainsbury’s was restricting people’s shopping to ‘3 units’ per person and 2 on special items in short supply. Which is welcome news. The word is that Wrexham Tesco has had to install police (not security) in their aisles to prevent fighting ....which is rather alarming. So another day’s gone by and the situation gets worse and worse. Our Annual Conference – which brings together around 200 staff - at Alton Towers in April has been cancelled - we knew it would be but it’s just another thing gone. Didn’t go to the pub tonight as normal with Prue and Joanna (we’ve been meeting every Weds evening in the pub for over 25 years) but Prue popped round for a cup of tea instead.

Thursday 19 March 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Wondering

How am I looking after my body today?

13,219 steps yesterday 6 hours 11 mins sleep last night 62 awake and 51 deep Today is a fast day. I am going to see Jen but I would like to go to the gym if possible too....I could go tomorrow I suppose, but they may close soon.

Positive things about yesterday

Lovely walk in Erddig...the birds were singing and the trees are starting to come into bud it’s a simply gorgeous Spring this year. Journal Eleanor (best friend) has gone into complete Social Isolation...not seeing anyone at all having stocked up with 1 months supply of food. ‘That’s not panic buying’ she says. Umm, yes it is...we almost had a row because she said that if I came to see her we could sit outside. I said I wouldn’t do that.... Today they announced that schools will close their doors on Friday “except for vulnerable pupils or children of key workers.”??? What the heck does that mean? I spoke to Joanna last night (as we didn’t go to the pub) and she said why didn’t they just close the schools for older children so that those with younger children could still go to work?

Friday 20 March 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

How am I looking after my body today?

Thanks to walking and DW Fitness I did 13,550 steps yesterday. During this crisis I am really going to ensure I get my steps in if nothing else. 6 hours 1 minute sleep. 56 mins awake and 1 hour 23 mins deep..... (very good! ) Money issues

My gym DW Fitness has written to me to say that the membership fee of £35 will be suspended if they have to close which is very fair of them.

Positive things about yesterday

I don’t have COVID-19 DW Fitness is staying open for now. In an email they said ... “current advice from our industry body UKActive is that gyms have not been asked to close and as long as you’re feeling well, exercise is encouraged” Hurrah! Had a good Conference call with the other team members and my Skype headset came as it finished - it does make things clearer.

Journal

It’s Friday!! Today is looking very sunny and this makes the strange COVID—19 situation seem even more weird. When the weather is bleak and rainy it is easy to hunker down indoors and we almost welcome it. A heatwave right now is the last thing we need. Yesterday I made some little slips of paper with my number on to give to my immediate neighbours who are elderly.

We are now all supposed to be practicing ‘social distancing’ . Which is staying 2 metres apart from anyone you meet. Why...I have no clue. Presumably because if someone sneezes this is where you will catch the virus.

At the gym we were in general kept away from each other and it’s a large place, but I can’t hand on heart say that I didn’t get within 2 metres of someone...

Went to see Denise we didn’t hug, but we didn’t stay 2 metres away and yell at each other either ...but she wasn’t coughing or sneezing and neither was I. The situation in the supermarkets is pretty dire with very little stock left. Reports of police patrolling the aisles to prevent fighting vi with stories of people stealing hand sanitizer from cafes. But also wonderful stories of kindness and virtual communal choirs abound.

For me the thought of not going to the gym for the foreseeable future is absolutely devastating...yes, it’s

selfish of me as in many ways for the moment I am not too badly affected, but who knows what will happen

in future? As people are kept in for long periods with small toddlers and the elderly and adolescents how

are they going to cope?.

They have started rationing in the supermarkets but Denise tells me that the small shops in the suburbs

have got good stocks. But I have plenty of food - enough for a month at least, not because I’ve stock piled,

but because I intend to eat what I’ve got not just get what I’ve always had.

22:55:20

At 6pm it was announced that all pubs, restaurants, theatres, cafes cinemas have to close and of course

gyms. It’s unbelievable......

Saturday 21 March 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

How am I looking after my body today?

11322 steps yesterday

Positive things about yesterday

It was a lovely walk around Bwlchgwyn and good to be with Joanna and Prue...we ARE hoping to do it again. Had a message from the lady who is involved with organising help for the elderly around the village - I sent her my slip of paper and she approved saying that it is better for them to get help from someone they know. Journal

I’m just going to get frustrated if I carry on questioning whether these restrictions are necessary...suffice to say they are in place and we have no choice but to obey. But I AM going to see my partner Spencer in Brecon today and stay for a few days..... It may be a long time before I can see him and it is so very remote there that I can’t see any harm in it.

Sunday 22 March 2020

Libanus, Brecon

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Very Happy

How am I looking after my body today?

Today we went on a long walk around Llanddeusant in the Brecon Beacons must have done about 25,000 steps.

Journal

Huge amount of criticism in the media of people who were out today taking in the sunshine and parking bumper to bumper at places like Snowdon and Pen y Fan. It was Mother’s Day and everyone was

supposed to keep away from family gatherings. Which I think most people did but they took the opportunity to take the dog out for a walk. But worse were the reports of groups of young people - now no longer in school - hanging about outside shops and key places. Their parents obviously not able to control their offspring. There were a lot of cars where we went too. But when we got on the mountain we kept well away from people and it would be the same on Snowdon and Pen y Fan. Then NHS workers are on saying that doing this costs lives and people should not be put and about. Yet the Albino Mop says go out and take in the sunshine this weekend...... too many mixed messages.

Monday 23 March 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Neutral

Journal

Got home from Brecon at 10.30am. I worked all day (well, after I got home) and felt better for it. We had a Team Meeting on Skype and during it we were reassured that our jobs and salaries were safe which was good to know. When I finished work, I went to Eagles Meadow the Shopping Mall as someone had told me that M&S had food. They did, but the usual culprits were missing; no milk or eggs available. So I did a little round of shops on the outskirts of town (very depressing, everywhere deserted) and managed to get what I wanted. I didn’t mind too much as it gave me chance to stretch my legs....7,670 steps not great but better than nothing. Then I delivered my little slips of paper to my elderly neighbours to say I would shop etc for them if needs be.

Then that Albino Mop (the PM) comes on the tv at 8.30 pm to tell us there was to be total lock down. All non-essential shops are now to close and we are to stay in our homes except for 1 period of exercise every day. I think, like most of us we’d felt this was coming, but it was none the less depressing for that... Although I’m on a fast day, I was so fed up that I thought I’d have some popcorn. Hadn’t got any so found an old make-it-yourself pack in the back of the cupboard...but it was horrible. Serves my right....but at least I’d kept to my fast…

I worry about how I am going to get any meaningful exercise in. Walking is ok, but it doesn’t get my heart rate up and it’s just not aerobic enough. I could install a Couch to 5km, but my iPhone earphone Port doesn’t work anymore so I would have to use my work phone - always supposing that I could actually run outside as the last time I did that was 15 years ago and I stopped because it badly affected my knees.

But of course I still feel that I am blessed. I have a pleasant wonderful home with garden and gorgeous view with no-one to bother me throughout the day, no toddlers, naggy husband or sulky adolescent. I am happy in my own company and thank God for Skype and the other means I have to talk to my friends. But it seems so very strange that I won’t see them for a long, long time...it’s anyone’s guess when it could be. I spoke to XXX - her breast has started bleeding again and her appointment is tomorrow. But with this strain on the NHS it anyone’s guess whether she will get the proper treatment and she was quite doubtful about it. It’s so, so bad..... Scientists and those trying to fight the virus are frustrated by the lack of real data about it, because of the lack of any structured method of testing. On the World Service there was a Business Programme which was asking whether anything could be learned about the spread of COVID-19 from the Cruise liner the Diamond Princess which was quarantined for about 4 weeks, with 3000 passengers on board as there were cases which of course spread amongst the passengers.

They were confined to their cabins, but of course that would not have prevented a lot of it because of all the surges and the internal air conditioning and heating. But out of 3,000 not everyone got the virus as you might expect .....not even half of them...in fact it was just 712 people and out of them just 8 died. They were an average age of 68 so you would surely expect more deaths. The current figures for the UK are rising 6,665 cases with 228 deaths....no figures for how many of these are hospitalised and of course we don’t have figures for those who have it and aren’t reporting it or even showing the ‘cough and high temp’ symptoms. It is also reported that some people have tested (N Korea tested all its citizens) positive and showed no symptoms. It’s an unknown.

Work today

Strange times as we begin our long, long stint of working from home with so many suggestions about what we should be doing. Of course as we are homeworkers anyway in some ways its business as usual, but our day ot day work comprises many many visits to volunteers around the country. I usually drive around 400 miles per month. Also it is difficult ot know how much work us Community Fundraisers can actually do when we cant get into the Community and all Fundraising Events are off. But for the moment spirits are high and we are all positive and optimistic. Tuesday 24 March 2020 Weather: Sunny Mood: Neutral How am I looking after my body today?

Just 7685 steps yesterday no gym, no running, no swimming. 5 hours 20 mins sleep. 47 mins awake (good) and 47 deep (good too ).

It’s so difficult to stop from comfort eating at times like these though. Of course I’m not drinking (I stopped drinking alcohol on 24th July 2019) and I am glad about that and don’t miss the booze at all.

Positive things about yesterday

Good enjoyable team meeting.... Found some milk and eggs....there was even some toilet roll in Spar (but I don’t need any). My 5 neighbours appreciated my call - I did of course keep my distance....

Journal

So splendid isolation...it’s no hardship for me....I can go for whole weekends with no social interaction at all....it kind of suits me fine. I have lots of people to talk to if I need to. But it’s the lack of exercise that is getting to me and the fact that I will over-eat and binge - those 2 things will be extremely bad for my health and the threat of becoming diabetic. I still feel that the repercussions of this enforced social isolation will be far, far more serious than the actual virus itself. The economy will collapse...no jobs or pensions....long term food supplies will dry up...it could be the final nail in the coffin for the NHS, and it will be put under major strain because those who are left alive at the end of it - that is the huge majority of us - will have health issues caused by this enforced isolation. People are already drinking more thus causing more cancer and alcohol-related diseases. I still think there must be a better way and keep thinking of that ship....3000 elderly vulnerable people locked up with the virus with little or no medical intervention ....just 700 people get it....8 die....Makes you think . But I am not a medical expert what do I know? I will follow the instructions to the letter...the hash tag now is #stayathomesavelives.....ok...if you say so....

Wednesday 25 March 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

How am I looking after my body today?

6 hours 37 minutes sleep 1 hour 12 mins sleep 27 deep. Well, I am eating well...too well really...but I guess these are strange times.

Journal

Day 3 of #stayingathome.

Eleanor has just sent me ‘useful’ advice about handling post and packages ... “Use gloves always. Put a quarantine box by your front door for mail plus a pair of gloves to wear to unwrap stuff. Put date of arrival on with a marker. If its paper or, card a few days should do it, if anything plastic shiny or metal, bleach or vinegar wipe thoroughly using gloves - into the sunshine for a while if you can. Then Leave in quarantine a few days before thoroughly washing with soapy water and rinsing well. Leave to dry.” They can fuck off...I AM NOT DOING THAT! I’d rather get the virus than piss about like that...the world’s gone mad. So another day in complete isolation. It’s a strange feeling because we are all alone ...but also not because everyone in the world is in the same situation. I know I am luckier than most as for the moment it’s very much business as usual. Apart from the gym and not meeting up with friends.... and to be honest, it’s the gym I miss the most and going up to Lancaster to see the girls (granddaughters Isabel and Eliza aged 10 and 6) . But I had a good long chat with Samuel last night. Although the thought that this will go on for a long time is mind blowing. No meals put with friends, no hugs from my grandchildren..... but there’s is no choice...none at all. 22:34:45 So I wake up to Eleanor’s ridiculous advice about the post and the day got worse. I had a phone call from my elderly neighbour. I had posted a leaflet through her door offering to help and she was saying thank you. As an afterthought I offered to walk her little dog Murray, reassuring her that I would follow the sterilising procedures and she agreed

But she phoned later to say her daughters had told her that I must not walk the dog because I could pass in the disease to her...how? On the dog lead? On the dog? I said I understood completely because she has been ill and I really wouldn’t want to be the cause of anything, but really? Then there were dire warnings on the local FB page about bin day tomorrow....the bin men touch everyone’s bins and therefore COVID19 could be passed on via the handles of the bin...yes, really...So Prue has her sterilising wipes and gloves ready and a method on not touching the dreaded bin handle.... We have had one death in Wrexham on 16th March - a 68 year old who had underlying health conditions. In Italy where the virus has had a huge impact there has been approx 74,000 cases with approx 700 deaths, but these are mainly male, a large majority of people smoke and most are in Northern Italy where there is a lot of pollution. On the 6 o clock news a nurse sobbing that she was terrified to go into work but she had no choice....there was no protection for them – as PPE is not getting to those working on the frontline. Prue was saying that she has been speaking to women in her job who are in protected jobs so they can send their children to school, but won’t because they are scared their children will get the disease. Everyone is trying to outdo each other on their ‘clever thoughts’ about how the disease might be spread...”Ah...ha! goods imported from China” “How about the post” “oh how about the petrol pumps”

“oh....no one has thought about the bins...” “if you don’t watch out it will get you...be clean, be vigilant.” But I’m following the instructions to the letter. I have stayed in. Hand sanitising products are of course impossible to get as stock sold out straight away. However, I found some ‘rubbing alcohol’ in my medicine cupboard and this does the job splendidly. When I showed Joanna she said, “What does it taste like?”

So I clean my screens and wash my hands, I work from home. I go out for my exercise but avoid people when I do. I keep away from people as much as I possibly can. I worry about the depression that comes from keeping people cooped up in their homes away from loved ones...loss of jobs and businesses. There are going to be massive health issues as well as mentally, physically we are all going to be in very poor shape and obesity will be more common than before. The broken economy ....everything and everybody will be affected by this lockdown. I am not even affected by these things (as yet). But if I think about it I do worry about the huge implications in the future of this thing.... I don’t really have a great track record for seeing things as they really are and I’ve probably got this all skewed as usual. But this hysteria is, quite frankly, driving me mad. Thursday 26 March 2020 Weather: Sunny Mood: Wondering

How am I looking after my body today?

6 hours 12 mins sleep 1 hour 15 mins awake and 17 mins deep Fast day today. Will take another walk today...did 11, 256 steps yesterday- I cover that many if I am out for 90 mins.

Journal

The restrictions od lockdown are going to have an impact on mental health, obesity, diabetes, alcohol, the collapse of the economy and loss of jobs and livelihoods. But I understand that the Govt had no choice and had to be seen to be doing something but.it is the mob hysteria that is frightening. I don’t find this time stressful. I am talking to friends and colleagues throughout the day, I have plenty to do, I had another good long walk yesterday (carefully avoiding people). I went to the shop which was empty of people and am well stocked with food. But mainly, I don’t fear for my life...I clean things and wash my hands, but I am not constantly looking for ways that it might come into my home or worry myself to death that I might get sick. For a start, I think it’s highly unlikely as no one has it round here and for another I’d probably recover anyway. I guess my lack of fear is the fact that I live alone and so don’t have anyone I will immediately pass it onto anyway. Things would be different if my Mum was still alive. I have volunteered for the NHS and would be happy to deliver stuff and take folk to hospitals. I recognise

that they need help and would be happy to do so..... it’s like the General Strike we all have to do what we can.

Friday 27 March 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Wondering

How am I looking after my body today?

10,443 steps yesterday. Again, I got lost in the field around this village and the walks round here are certainly not very pretty, but at least I get some sort of movement. 5 hours 27 mins sleep 1 hour 7mins awake and 0 mins deep sleep But I feel that mentally I am not in a good place and I want to isolate myself even more. I don’t want to even talk to anyone. I think I need to do more than walk, so will see if I can find some sort of yoga on YouTube or even aerobics.

Today I need to..

It’s BookClub tonight and also Prue and Joanna are going to contact me at some stage, but I really don’t feel like talking to them.....or taking part in BookClub for that matter. I can always plead bad internet connection....

Journal

06:59:16 I have to write this now and forget about it because the anger I feel will be likely to overwhelm me. They have closed the National Parks.....yes, they have taken the mountains and streams and warm sweet grass coming alive with springtime birds and flowers....they have taken them because people went walking in them the first weekend after lockdown. Even though on a mountain you can easily keep much more than the prescribed 2 meters apart. At 8pm last night there was a clap for the NHS thing... you were supposed to show your support for the NHS by clapping or banging through your window. I hugely support the NHS and yes, they are doing a fabulous job, but I could not join in. I still feel that I am more scared of these isolation measures than I am of the virus. I am feeling mean spirited - of course it’s not the NHS workers fault that they’ve closed the mountains.... and of course they are doing a wonderful job, but stand in the street and applaud them? What for?? I phoned Spencer as he’d sent me pictures of the closure of his beloved Beacons...and we had a long talk. He is upset and angry and we both agreed that it was media hype that did it. He told me how viral pneumonia is far more serious than ordinary pneumonia.... But I cannot talk or think about this anymore. I delete the ‘funnies’ the memes and the videos that are sent to me without comment. I don’t feel like talking to anyone about this...I will not. I have to keep my sanity.

Work today

First week of lockdown and our computer system in work was attacked by hackers, so our IT had to hastily

set up another more secure system, which we now have to learn to use all over again.

Apparently, Skype for Business is being replaced by Microsoft Teams very soon. Another system that we

will have to get used to.

Saturday 28th March 2020

How am I looking after my body today? I know that all the walking I’ve been doing is not giving me any aerobic exercise or strengthening my muscles...I suddenly remembered that all the stomach exercises I used to do in the gym and the weight training .....walking is not going to replace that So I need to look at that. I am seriously thinking about running....I could download a couch to 5 km app and run around here....maybe? Cut Thumb I trimmed a candle of wax with a knife and managed to give myself quite a deep puncture wound just below my left thumb. It was quite a whack, but didn’t bleed too much and of course there was absolutely no point in trying to get any medical help, so I’ve cleaned it and bandaged it and hope it will be ok. It doesn’t look too bad....

Money issues

Not spending much because of the isolation....

Positive things about yesterday

Glorious walk in Erddig as the birds were singing and the sun was warm and pleasant Sainsbury’s was quiet at 6.30pm and got all that I needed. Shelves are stocked up and not as many shortages as before, although flour and dried goods are still a little difficult to get.

Journal

07:22:04 What a strange day this is going to be. A free Saturday...literally. I cannot go out - we are now told that drones will be patrolling to make sure no-one drives to get their walk. So the only thing I can (officially) do is do the garden or walk around the village. But my plan is not to talk to anyone but the children if they ring....I find it easier to ignore invites to join in

with pub quizzes, communal online choirs, long conversations about how alcohol is the answer ‘gin and wine mixed should do it’.....

I know I’m being an old misery, but I can’t help it....I don’t want to talk to anyone…I DONT believe that alcohol, or banging pans and clapping for the NHS, or closing the fucking National Parks is the way out of this.....I KNOW I’m lucky that I have a garden and a job....but right now the simple pleasures of a few hours in the gym and a walk in the countryside just seem like a lovely dream...but they have taken away all these things. The Prime Minister and the Health Secretary now have Covid-19. 22:54:55 I walked the lanes around here which was very boring, but I had the radio on my earphones and I soon notched up 10,000 steps. I am still confused though ....UK deaths reached 1,000 today. Which is awful of course, but all the 13 of those were people who had existing health conditions. I phoned Georgie and had a chat with her at dinner time and apart from that spoke to no-one all day apart from seeing about 10 people on my walk who I kept a distance from. I am going to try running but I wanted to suss out a route, I’ve downloaded the Couch to 5Km app. Ordered some seeds with great difficulty- Spencer is sending me some too. But I have no compost I’ve ordered some at great expense from Amazon but haven’t seen any in the shops....

Sunday 29 March 2020

Weather: Windy

Mood: Happy

How am I looking after my body today?

11, 909 steps yesterday. I am confused as I don’t know whether we can drive - even a short distance – to get our ‘state prescribed exercise’ because Prue (long time close friend & neighbour) had asked me on WhatsApp whether Erddig was open and I told her it was and she replied ...”Aah ...no. Latest on COVID19 not allowed to drive anywhere to go out for a walk - the drones are out!”

But it’s probably a sweeping statement that she prefers to believe. I doubt that I would get arrested anyway...so may try Erddig, which is a 5 minute drive away I am going to try running today... 6 hours 14 mins sleep 48 mins awake (v good) and 42 deep The wound on my thumb doesn’t look too bad and it’s stopped bleeding - really surprised as for a while there I thought I’d done myself a real injury.

Journal

I don’t usually listen to anything in The News about the virus as I’m sick of the whole situation, I listened to Any Questions and Any Answers yesterday as I was walking. There was a medic pleading for people to keep in isolation and not to spread it as medics were dying because of their sustained exposure to the virus. This is a different but important perspective....but if proper testing and proper PPE were supplied to people in the NHS then they would be protected. In our Health Board area there are 64 confirmed cases in Betsi Cadwaladr University Health Board, out of a local population of 698,369...my local Wrexham Maelor hospital has only JUST restricted (not banned) visiting. There have been 38 deaths in Wales. The number of people to have died with the coronavirus in the UK has reached 1,019. The latest government figures on Saturday showed there were another 260 deaths in the UK in a day, up from 759 on Friday. The new figures include a further 246 people in England, with patients aged between 33 and 100 years old. All of them had underlying health conditions except 13 people, who were aged 63 and over. It is slowly being realised that the virus is unlikely to affect children. 23:16:50 It was a horrible day weather wise today...so cold but deceitful....looking all sunny and taking you unawares...... I realised during my quick dashes to the bin that it wasn't going to be a gardening day. Couch to 5km – here we go! Decided to start on the land around Erddig as the ground will be soft as running on roads would be damaging to my knees. Despite all the dire warnings, there were no drones and only 2 cars in the car park.

I’d selected Michael Jordan as my ‘coach’ on the app and I did 1 min run/jog and 90 secs brisk walk 7 times....him guiding me through. It was brilliant! I was able to keep to fairly soft ground so that I didn’t knackered up my legs. I was so pleased and I really, really enjoyed it. I have to do the same thing 3 more times every other day and I can’t wait. I will keep quiet about it though as you never know who is going to have a go at you for driving to your walk or staying out too long - it’s getting to be that you can’t really trust people...(“isn’t it supposed to be 30 mins exercise?” “You’re not allowed to drive anywhere but to get essential supplies” “if your shopping is not essential you shouldn’t be going” “it puts our poor supermarket workers in danger.”) But I think that if I worked in a supermarket I’d be more worried about losing my job than anything else, so I continue to go. I have refused to queue for shopping and have taken to going near closing time when there are few people around. Went to Lidl on the way home and, what do you know, piles of gardening and potting compost and seeds! Security people stopping groups of people going in - only 1 at a time...but there was no queue to get in. Had a long chat with Samuel & the girls (in Lancaster), Soph and Rob (in Copenhagen) - on Zoom, well over an hour while they made and ate their dinners (roast chicken by Samuel and Fish Pie by Rob).

We talked about the situation and as usual there was confusion over what you are allowed to do...Samuel said that they’re (we’re?) not allowed to drive anywhere and Soph questioned the number of times I seem to go to the supermarket.

They thought that it was the ‘boomers’ and the elderly who are not seeing the situation as serious.......but I think the worst offenders are the teens who simply can’t be parted from their mates. They have grown up doing exactly as they please and are not going to do something when they can’t see the danger. As far as they’re concerned it’s flu...and they’re not scared. I had written to Ed (my brother) & Alex in Spain and Rosa (other sister) and Lars in Sweden this morning. Ed says that they’ve been in lock down for 2 weeks and Sweden is not in lockdown. Soph said the Danes are all watching that situation with interest as of course the 2 countries are very close. However, Lars in Sweden wrote to me to say that although they are not in lockdown and there is no restrictions on walking or being outside, they are having to observe Social Distancing. He said how difficult it was to explain to their 18 month-old granddaughter why she couldn’t have a cuddle. Lars was kicked out of Norway on 1st March and can’t go back of course or he’ll be put in quarantine on his own expense.....(he works as a driller). Today it was mentioned that restrictions could be in place as long as 6 months. I do wonder how long people’s enthusiasm and ardent ‘sticking to the rules’ will last in that time. And how long before people start complaining and real unrest sets in. So pleased that I managed that run and I did (and still do) feel brilliant after it. It’s a brilliant app and I can’t wait to go out again. I just hope I can carry on running in the park which is a short drive away....but who knows what restrictions they’ll put on us next?

I have listened to The Archers on BBC Radio4 since I was 15 years old and now even this has been affected by the virus. They’ve cut down the episodes from 6 to 5 per week so we didn’t get an episode on Friday...although what difference that makes is unclear. Also it is pretty strange - irritating really - listening to it as the fictional village where it takes place, Ambridge, is the only place in the entire world not affected by COVID19 in Ambridge...

Monday 30 March 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

How am I looking after my body today?

6 hours 4 mins sleep 48 mins awake (v good) 42 mins deep. 13,233 steps this was the most satisfying sight to see on my FitBit app

So today....Monday ...still can’t get round the fact that I won’t be going to the gym and getting that

lovely feeling of lift and joy when I come away from there. But I did feel something akin to that yesterday.

I can still have a fast day and I will be walking around the village for an hour or so to get my 10,000 steps. Although the wound is healing well, I noticed that the thumb which I cut is going numb on one side and feels a bit strange like I have severed a nerve.

Journal

08:02:06 Mondays are never great, but I am feeling ok. Particularly after yesterday’s running. I don’t worry too much - it’s not in my nature - but things are grim. I am not optimistic about the future of this county and it’s economy after these harsh lockdown measures. I have been accepted as an NHS volunteer. I am to download the GoodSAM app so that I can register when I am available to help.

Denise (ex-work colleague) 30th birthday- she’d had the flowers I sent her and I phoned her. Her friend and next door neighbour, Jonah, had arranged a surprise birthday party for her, but of course that won’t go ahead now….

Thank goodness she wasn’t alone - and isn’t - during this ‘Social Distancing’ time. Her parents don’t live too far away, but her mother has severe health problems so is having to be completely isolated so Denise is not seeing them. But she has Jonah who is a huge support to her. She and Jonah have reasoned that they live so close and don’t see or meet anyone else, so they slip in and out of each other’s houses and treat it like one abode. There is no way they would have sat in separate houses during this lockdown. They walk the dog together and eat and drink at each other’s houses. Jonah was cooking her a special meal tonight. Denise and I talked about the situation and how we are both bending the rules. There is always a sector of society who are quick to judge and simply love to condemn people by jumping on a bandwagon - in this case the absolute worship of nurses and doctors. There are news items featuring NHS workers begging us with tears in their eyes to stay at home.

Tuesday 31 March 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

How am I looking after my body today?

11,506 steps yesterday....a low calorie day. I wanted to do a workout vid on the tv, but I was tired by the evening. 5 hours 36mins sleep 1 hour 5 mins awake and 23 deep. (I woke early at 5 and was listening to the radio

otherwise I might have had more sleep) Today is run day! Although in theory I can run in the lanes this will really take it out on my knees, I am going to risk going to Erddig - today news reports are criticising the police for the use of drones on walkers in the Peak District. Hopefully these measures are to prevent large groups gathering...not single people wanting some exercise like me. Journal

07:03:54 So today the headline news is criticism of the police for their policing of the lockdown and in particular their use of drones for tracking walkers in the Peak District. Although people have said that the film shows people making sure that they are keeping distant from each other and the footage is in miles of vast, vast country...But very interesting responses on Twitter to the post...mainly critical....and questioning their actions. Yesterday on our Skype call 2 out of the 8 of us reckoned that they and their partners had the virus. Really? Isn’t that a bit of co-incidence? 326 cases per 1million in the UK and 2 of them out of our 8 have the virus?

April 2020

In which I end up in 2 hospitals, carry on running, experience dwindling incoming work. I have the

realisation that there are as many opinions about CV as there are people in the Universe. Goats and cats

I have a meltdown. Easter. Acceptance of things I cannot control. I attend a ‘Conference’.

Wednesday 1 April 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Wondering

Journal

Yesterday I noticed that my thumb is numb down one side.....I phoned the surgery and a doctor got back to me (all very efficient) and after a lot of questions he told me I needed to go to A&E. Of course, I was dreading that, fearing corridors of sick people all over the place and long queues of chaos. But no, A&E was very quiet there and I don’t think the virus has affected the hospital much. I was not there too long. A Consultant Nurse looked at it and made a lot of notes gave me a tetanus and antibiotics then talked to another consultant on the phone. Now I have to go to see a plastic surgeon in Chester tomorrow because they think there’s nerve damage....oh bugger. They will have to have a look inside to see the damage under a local anaesthetic, but of course I won’t be able to drive. So I have asked Denise to take me, the appointment is at 9am.

I didn’t think twice about this - after all what else can we do? But when I told Samuel he didn’t agree. Oh my God! Sitting next to someone in the same car. He mentioned getting a taxi but I said it was better that it was Denise (who I know hasn’t been in touch with the virus) than a complete stranger. All that for a tiny cut I am so embarrassed, but they couldn’t have been kinder or more patient. Denise picked me up on time - her little dog was in the back of the car, so I sat up in front with her. I really don’t think that I would get the virus from her and neither did she, but we have no choice. After a bit of a palaver (and again, the hospital was empty, with Staff standing around) I saw a junior consultant who said that they weren’t going to do anything about my hand. Even if they could knit the nerve endings together I would not get the full feeling restored and it would only make a larger scar anyway. I was fine with that....While I was there I didn’t touch any surfaces needlessly and sanitised and washed my hands several times, but I didn’t feel in the least bit under threat of getting the virus. But such a waste of time. Even though it was good to spend time with Denise. She was able to drop me off back home at 11.30am. In a WhatsApp call Joanna was saying that her daughter Jess has been redeployed and had to go on a course to the hospital. When she got home she undressed in the garden, putting the clothes into a plastic bag then her partner put them into the washing machine without touching them, she left her bag in the garden while she showered and scrubbed and washed her hair...then brought the bag in with gloves on and sterilised it.... In the News tonight the number who have died has risen.....so I am not saying that this not serious, of course it is, but there is no perspective anymore. No way that we can get this in proportion. The small minded and stupid are being given free rein to ‘have a go’ at anyone going about their business doing reasonable things like shopping for Easter Eggs or walking their dogs. After he had made a funny quip about seeing an idiot buying the Daily Express I wrote to Spencer: “I hope you have got over the trauma of your realisation and proof today that the world is full of absolute dickheads. These dickheads I truly believe are now rising to the top....a bit like The Triffids....they now are being given permission, and even admiration, for their small-minded, judgmental bullying.... “Another snippet on the news about ‘too many people driving’ and Chocolate Easter Eggs being non - essential...the people who buy them, are NHS nurse killers. “I think some of the said dickheads are mixing up ‘going shopping only when absolutely necessary’ with ‘going shopping for things which are absolutely necessary’. When you think that this is only the 1st fortnight of this ...how on Earth is it going to develop? “ Prue was lamenting the loss of the lives we once knew....The loss of the shops and businesses that will never come back once this is over. No more Debenhams in Eagles Meadow or any of the shops for all we know...everything we knew and loved in town and in our lives is threatened. The Garden Centres were yesterday saying that £Ms worth of plants would have to be thrown away as they have closed Garden Centres....but Homeware shops remain open and are selling plants and stock....So our beautiful English

Gardens will even be affected. Positive things about yesterday

The staff at the hospital were very kind and looked after me very well. My run...I still managed to get to Erddig and as yet there doesn’t seem to be any restrictions The goats taking over the town of Llandudno makes me smile.

Thursday 2 April 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

Positive things about yesterday

No operation and I thank God (truly) that this was not more serious. Again, I have escaped what was potentially a serious thing and come out almost unscathed...I do feel ‘watched’ over, cared for and safe.

Journal

More and more shops are closing as only those regarded as selling essentials are allowed to stay open. It was awful yesterday to hear on the news about Garden Centres having to throw away £Ms of plants. But oddly, homeware places like The Range and B&Q are allowed to stay open and sell plants. Everyday I hear of local shops (eg. Glow beauticians) just sending their staff home never to open again....very, very sad..... Soph invited me to a Zoom party for her birthday, but she has a lot of friends and it was just a confusing mess. I could see her lovely friends many of whom were her bridesmaids 7 years ago, but couldn’t speak to them. It’s not...nothing like...a real party. And of course they’re not my friends so I was a bit out of it really. I stuck it out for a half an hour and let them get on with it. But I’m sure they’ll have a good time....

We have had an email from HR basically saying: If you have leave planned, unless it’s agreed that they are required operationally, then we ask you to please take it. And if you haven’t booked any leave for the next 2-3 months, we would urge you to do so. (They can get lost ....I am not taking leave to sit in the house doing nothing.....until there is a loosening of restrictions and I can at least drive down to Brecon, I will not be taking any leave) Friday 3 April 2020 Weather: Cloudy Mood: Neutral Today I need to..

Today I will make myself available as an NHS volunteer. If I am offered a lot of work I will take some leave. This I believe will be far more help to the NHS than clapping my hands.

Journal

It’s Friday !! At last ....days are going very slowly....but at last we have the weekend. I am not a worrier, but hearing about shops and businesses who have sent their staff home and ended their contracts because they have closed their doors for good is so depressing. Our lovely world is never going to be the same again. A vaccine is still 12-18 months away...so getting ‘back to normal’ is never going to happen. These things are out of my control, so I’m not going to worry about it - that achieves nothing...but it is so scary if you look into the future...life will be 100% harder for us all from now on.....

Saturday 4 April 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Neutral

Positive things about yesterday Watched One Man 2 Governors ‘live’ broadcast from The National Theatre which have been put on in this crisis to highlight live theatre. They are going to be so very badly hit by this. Very good...if a bit ‘farcy’ for my tastes.

Journal

Spencer had a nasty note left on his car left on his car yesterday how DARE they?? The police wouldn’t do anything about it anyway as they have said that they can’t be going to every nit-picking report that they get .... bloody awful...I have to put it out of my mind as it makes me so upset. Poor Spencer...he is such a gentle soul who sees no-one ever....he certainly isn’t spreading the virus and the vile, vile person who wrote this knows that. I have to forget about it now otherwise I would just be eaten up with bitterness. ********* The news yesterday was that 2 nurses have died. This is of course dreadful and so sad for their families. Prince Charles has opened the Nightingale Field hospital and more are being opened in other parts of the country. The ‘headline’ at the Government briefing was more re-iteration of the ‘stay at home’ message (just encouraging twats like the anonymous letter writer...). The weather is going to be very good from Sunday, so of course people are going to want to get out. There is STILL a lot of confusion over whether to can drive to your walk and how long you are ‘allowed’ to stay out. Today the guideline is “The guidance also urges people to "stay local", use open spaces near their home and avoid unnecessary travel. Official guidance to police says that the public shouldn't be sanctioned for "travelling a reasonable distance to exercise" - although no definition of "a reasonable distance" has been given.” Well, that lets me off the hook then....

I predict that Erddig may be busy, so I’ll have to keep to the boring lanes or maybe go quite late to Erddig for my run for now....until the weather turns. All this which of course nicely swerves around the real issue which is that the Government have badly failed the NHS by not providing proper PPE or testing. There is still a shortage of respirators.

Sunday 5 April 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Neutral

Journal Bad, bad day….

Yesterday amongst all the awful ‘news’ (which I barely listen to) it was announced that Sir Keir Starmer has been made leader of the Labour Party. Here is hope...he has to be a more stable and decisive leader than Jeremy was and he was a remainer. He will also be a fierce opponent for Boris ...but for now he says he ‘will campaign for a close trade deal with the EU, with protections for workers' rights, the environment, consumer standards and jobs.’. I put news in inverted commas because all it is now is more telling us that people have died and more hyperbole about how if you don’t ‘stay home’ more people will die. But of course more people will die not because people take walks this weekend, but because the Government have not provided testing in any useful numbers or proper protective gear. I’ve said it before, but I am not frightened of the virus....this whipping people into a fever of fear is causing them to be self righteous in their condemnation of people who only slightly bend the rules - even when it is clear that they are not putting anyone in danger. I was so mad yesterday that I drafted this note for Spencer to put in his car. He won’t use it of course, but it made me feel better.. “To the Anonymous Letter Writer “Thank you for helpfully pointing out that you would report me to the police if I parked here again. I have already checked with them and my driving to this spot and parking here is not against the Coronavirus guidelines...which state “[The Government] urges people to "stay local", use open spaces near their home and avoid unnecessary travel. Official guidance to police says that the public shouldn't be sanctioned for "travelling a reasonable distance to exercise". “As you are aware, my house is just 10 miles away from this spot which, by anyone’s definition, is a reasonable distance. Reporting me would amount to wasting police time and putting a strain on our Public Services which are already under stress. “Notes like yours are neither helpful or public spirited and only make these challenging times a lot worse than they already are.

“All the best to you and I hope you continue to stay safe. S” *********************** Dear Spencer Yes, I had a completely delightful run today. Getting up early and getting out at the start of the day was wonderful.. I found a slightly different route and am getting to discover even more parts of the Park..... The music in my headphones was uplifting, people were friendly and I was very uplifted when I got home pleased that I’d completed my run. ‘I can do this. So long as I have this, I can do this’ But then I heard the 11am News and Matt Wank-cock’s threat that he would stop exercise all together because people had the audacity to walk in parks in London. I had a complete meltdown. I screamed and cried for an hour with the frustration and the complete idiocy of it all.... I switched off my phone and have not spoken to anyone or seen the news since. Because I don’t want to hear people say...’oh, yes, it’s awful these people taking walks - serves their right - they are killing nurses and spoil it for everyone’ When it’s the f***ing Government who are killing the nurses.... ... “Then I spent the rest of the day in bed. I am seriously ...seriously upset. I want you, I want to see my children ...I want to walk and run in the countryside. But our old life is gone.... I removed this paragraph “A horrible feeling of foreboding is settling in my mind and I can’t seem to shift it today- maybe it will be there forever in some form or other, because the old life has gone. I am almost grateful that I have lived this long, because I haven’t got much more left of this awful life left to live. Soph and Samuel and Isabel and Eliza will be living for the rest of their lives in this county which will be entirely broken by this lockdown.....”

Monday 6 April 2020

Weather: Windy

Mood: Sad

Positive things about yesterday

Glorious, beautiful walk/run in Erddig NOTHING ELSE...IT IS ALL SHIT AND BOLLOCKS...

Journal

All my plans yesterday went out of the window....I had planned to do the garden, but the forecast for a calm sunny day didn’t emerge and it was just windy and unsuitable to be out. I still feel angry and miserable over the loss of our way of life. I can’t even begin to write about some of the

stupid posts on FB. I have only glanced at it. The children were joking on WA: Soph & Rob had gone on a picnic, Samuel saying you’d be arrested here if you did that...The jokes, the ‘British Sense of Humour’ getting us through....it’s unbearable. No part of this is funny...no part of this is needed....Even if Boris dies.....(he’s gone into hospital)......if he does, God help us. No-one will be allowed out AT ALL. So much as it grieves me to say it, get better Boris. ******* I HAVE to get out of this gloom. It serves no purpose not to speak to my children ‘because I am depressed’. None of this is their fault...(even though they seem to be taking the whole thing as a bit of a joke)...they need to see my often and hear my voice whether they want to or not. They don’t need to hear my opinions on the fact that the lockdown is sheer folly or how they will be paying for it for the rest of their lives. I need to be loving and gracious to my children and make sure that at the end of it they look forward to seeing me not dreading it, because I’ve made my opinions (which they no doubt regard as stupid and unwise) known to them. The same goes for my friends - it serves no purpose at all not to speak to them....look at the things I can control and accept those that I can’t. ********* I phoned Nigel (one of my Key Volunteer and also a mate) tonight I was worried about him because he’d just chucked in his long-term job as Manager of a Garden Nursery to work for a smaller Nursery.

Now of course he can’t start work because he has to look after his 2 young children (both under 5) ...all day ...by himself. Poor guy.... He gets most of his groceries delivered, but had to pop to the local shop to get something and of course had to take the children with him. Customers in the shops made critical remarks to him saying he shouldn’t be taking them out…typical of the judgemental attitude of people at the moment. But the good news is that he says that the smaller Garden Nursery is thriving because they are taking orders and offer a delivery service.. so it’s not all bad for Garden Centres as has been reported on the news. I love the interesting perspectives I am getting on people’s lives at the moment.

Tuesday 7 April 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Journal

07:00:53 So my theory of ‘after bad days good days are not far behind’ has worked out again and I felt much better yesterday. I believe that this journal helped me as I wrote myself out of my silly decision ignoring the

children and messages (no-one even noticed anyway) and spoke to them yesterday. Yes, the situation is awful and life is still bleak, but I do count my blessings. For now I can still get out and looking forward to a run today.

Wednesday 8 April 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Journal

07:45:31 I’ve just spent around 20 minutes looking at wireless earbuds for my running...what a waste of time mindlessly scrolling through products. I usually end up at Amazon because despite the ‘current crisis’ (as we all say these days as we’re sick of the ‘cv’ word - gosh, remember when cv meant you were applying for a job!) - they are able to deliver your items in a few days. I was talking to Georgie for a long time (1 hour 25 mins) during the evening and we were reflecting on how this must be the first time ever that the whole world is affected by the same thing. The other very curious thing that I simply can’t get my head around is that no-one is travelling anywhere ...at all. So there are no planes in the sky or posts and messages from people having a great time on beaches with cocktails and sunglasses....or City Breaks or cruises .... In China pollution levels dropped when they had a lock down and the same is happening here. If someone had told us in January that we would all be banned from seeing anyone including our families and all shops and pubs and restaurants would be closed...we’d have not believed them. But I wonder how things will be in a year...if things can change so radically in just a few short months? Went to see Prue down the road and we talked in her garden. She is of the same opinion as me about CV ...fed up with the knit-pickers, spies and do-gooders.....sick of not seeing her friends and going to the pub...(she doesn’t even drink!) .It was bound to happen....some of us are settling into it (as I am so long as I can continue to exercise) and others are getting cabin fever. Most Key Volunteers that I spoke to yesterday (very pleasant sitting by the patio window watching the birds) were quietly accepting of the situation....but I know that so many of them are action people...they simply do not sit around and do nothing so they are feeling the affects of this. I am wondering if this enforced inactivity will make volunteers realise at the end of it that ‘doing nothing’ is quite a pleasant experience. Will they sit and realise that they could actually do less and enjoy life better. Not having the stress and feeling much better without it? I am hoping this is going to be counter-balanced by younger people seeing that volunteering is a positive

and ‘right on’ thing to do....who knows? If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past few days (well I’ve always known it really) is that you only worry about what you can control.

Thursday 9 April 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

I get daily updates from Ali (my Financial Advisor) about the ‘current crisis’ which is bad bad news for investments and therefore my pension, but I ignore them....I know I should look ...but it just adds to more worry...

Journal

07:12:29 Yesterday the day started with my half hearing a news report from the BBC news and then checking on their website which said that ‘cats should be kept inside’ because of cv. Which is completely nuts….there is NO WAY I could keep Lois inside. Then they swiftly changed it to ‘if you have symptoms of the virus’ then changed it again to ‘pets pose no threat’. ...more Dickheads....no doubt originating from Matt Wankock....It did get me really mad for a bit..but then just realised that getting mad or depressed about it doesn’t help. Anyway, there is no way they can enforce such a rule. Plus there is no pigging way I am going to keep Lois in.... But the rest of Weds was totally boring as I decided to work through some online courses on mind- numbingly boring things like GDPR and Display Screen Safety You have to sit through them and do a quiz at the end which you have to get 100% right...there are no shortcuts. Very, very tedious, but we all have to do them... Weds....Went for a featureless walk around here, but listened to some podcasts and the time soon went, so 10,640 steps. I went to Aldi to get some prawns and bought myself an Easter Egg.....Missed a call from Soph who will ring me tomorrow. Then a group chat with Prue & Joanna Someone sent me a link to a video from the conspiracy theorist David Icke. He was a sensationalist big shot a long time ago and was dismissed as a nutter....still is, but this CV is causing them to rise to the top. He expressly says that there is a link with 5G and so when 65,000 people watched it there was a group of people who set light to mobile phone masts....Crazy, crazy.... 22:41:44

Thurs. An awful day. I got up early for my run to find that the police had fenced off the little car park (it takes about 10 cars) because of Covid-19 to stop large groups gathering and prevent ‘travel by car’.

I parked up on the side of the road and had my run, but of course it was spoiled. I don’t like breaking rules and keep to speed limits and park considerately so I worried all the way round. This is totally, totally WRONG. And it kind of is.... wrong....when I got in I checked in the BBC website and it said “Guidance to police says that the public shouldn't be sanctioned for "travelling a reasonable distance to exercise" - although no definition has been given of reasonable distance” But then it says...”People should only exercise once a day, although in England, Scotland and Northern Ireland there is no legal ban on exercising more than that. In Wales, which sets its own health regulations, exercising more than once a day is now illegal - and potentially a criminal offence” note that word ILLEGAL ....also that is not what it says on the sign. I was upset all day of course. Although Soph rang when I got in at around 9.30 am and I told her I was upset, but of course their generation think it’s perfectly acceptable for these draconian measures to be put in place. And Soph flippantly said that the lockdown was no hardship for me as I ‘liked being by myself anyway’. She and Rob were just on their way to an AirBnB for Easter anyway, so they’re all right....I wonder how they’d feel if their plans were stopped for no good reason. Today Ministers were meeting to review the restrictions but it was made clear that this will go on for quite a few more weeks, possibly longer. The last BBC news headlines I listened were at 4pm which mentioned that Northampton police were going to be inspecting people’s shopping this weekend to make sure they were ‘only buying essentials’. WHAT??? So supermarkets will have piles of Easter Eggs and special treats for the Bank Holiday but people are now not allowed to buy them?? How the FUCK does that ‘protect the NHS’?? The news report about Northamptonshire police was the final straw.....I will not listen to the news...anymore. I have also deleted the FB icon from all my screens. Now I know I cannot beat them ...they can put all these rules and regulations in place and no amount of moaning or complaining to my friends will help or stop it happening.

Good Friday 10 April 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Wondering

Today I need to..

Journal

07:30:02

Deleted the Facebook icon from my screens. For the ‘Bank Holiday’ (Ha! Ha! Remember those?) weekend when the weather is good I will just keep

around here for my walks and run (the hardness of the lanes will not do my legs any good, but so be it). When the best of the weather is over, I will park in the lane by Erddig early mornings once the weather turns on Sunday when rain is forecast. Now of course it feels very strange. It is not good to be cut off in some ways...or rather it’s ok, but it just takes some getting used to. I just need to stop worrying about what is happening...it will just be more of the same. It seems as if everyday some stupid headline comes out and it’s just to force everyone to take this thing seriously...and DO AS WE’RE TOLD! There is no actual ‘news’ any more and all posts on FB seem to be just bitchy....I get updates from the people who matter on WhatsApp....

Although that can be irritating. Eleanor posted a video on The BookClub group of the bloke who puts washing up liquid on the floor to make it into a ‘treadmill’....this is the 3rd time I’ve seen this or a version of it.....it’s no longer funny when you’ve seen it before but the others are commenting on it ...Of course, I should join in...but I just can’t....I should be the bigger person and just pretend I haven’t seen it before .... 22:22:45 Well, quite a wonderful day it has been...not spoken to a soul only had minimal contact with Bookclub and the children on WA. But I’ve pottered around and taken in the sights and sounds of my day very thoughtfully. I brought the picture of Mum into the kitchen and lit a candle by it....as I could feel her with me as I went about my chores...cleaning, vacuuming, sorting things. I took my time with my day reading a couple of chapters of Silas Marner then a breakfast of an omelette and took in the view from the patio as I drank my decaff. I did 30 mins yoga, then repotted all my plants and even gave the monster grape ivy a spring clean... Ate leftover dahl with brown rice for lunch and the rest of a mango Listening to radio plays and podcasts and avoiding the news and social media. Without the news of cv, this isolation is quite wonderful for people like me. Such a satisfying day.... The ying and yang of the bad day/good day cycle has happened again.....

Saturday 11 April 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Positive things about yesterday

No FB or news is very refreshing....

Journal

I purposely left my shopping until around 5pm (to avoid the humiliation of waiting in a strictly controlled queue where you have to stand 6 feet apart). They had sterilised all the trolleys ready when I got there, but there was no queue and the supermarket was empty. There was no sign of anyone policing the trolleys for non-essential items as had been mentioned in the news on Thursday, but there was a notice on the Easter Eggs about there being ‘no restrictions’ . I was confused by this and at first thought that I might get told off at the checkout for buying moisturiser....but of course it was referring to the restrictions on the number of items to buy to prevent people ‘over-buying. ‘. Looking back to that time when people were madly buying toilet rolls though, it did seem as though the world had gone mad. Now things are almost back to the way they were in the supermarket as most things can be bought. The prospect of doom and gloom we all felt (me included) has been reduced somewhat. There are noticeably more people wearing face masks....which I find quite unnerving. It make you feel as though you are unclean and is so contrary to usual human behaviour. *********

Easter Sunday 12 April 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

How am I looking after my body today?

Yesterday did day 7 of my Couch to 5km.. This one involved 2 x 3 minute runs...but I managed them fine...don’t seem to notice or dislike it as much as I have done in the past.

Journal

CV didn’t feature in my day yesterday too much. I listened to Any Answers where it is very clear that people are still ‘absolutely terrified’ of CV. Matt Wancock made another stupid and ill advised remark about NHS staff (our sainted angels ) ‘misusing PPE’ that why it’s in short supply..... I am still of the opinion that there must be a better way than the lockdown and if there wasn’t one we wouldn’t all get it. People would die, yes, but this lockdown is so, so harmful and causing such disharmony and will lead to poverty and a rise in all sorts of health problems and it will be the poor who are hit the worst. But of course that is stubborn and stupid of me because a third of world is now in lockdown so of course it had to be.

I downloaded an App on my phone called “COVID-19 symptom tracker” this will hopefully help with information about the progress on the disease in areas leading to them being able to consider the end to lockdown. I sent it to all my friends. Turns out one of Samuel’s friends helped developed the App.

Easter Monday 13 April 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Journal

A friend sent me a link to a Daily Mail article by Peter Hitchens .... entitled “Matt Hancock is trying to run the UK like my 1950s prep school” “Matthew Hancock, Secretary of State for Health, went on national TV to threaten to ban outdoor exercise if people continued to break ‘social distancing’ rules. “From a Government that claims to be preserving life and health, this threat was literally mad. “Banning exercise for any length of time will lead to the deaths and illness of many thousands of currently healthy, older people who know that such exercise is vital to their physical and mental wellbeing. Such exercise can easily be taken while maintaining the required distance from others. The threat was a dictatorial one of collective punishment of all for the wrongdoing of others.” 23:06:38 Even speaking from my own (very privileged) perspective I am heartily sick of this CV Crisis. I know I am one of the fortunate ones, in that I have my job and a garden and lovely little house. But I have g ot to the stage where turn off anything to do with CV. Including intrusive ads (which even interrupt my run as I use Spotify) , news bulletins and FaceBook. I haven’t hung a pigging, bloody rainbow in my window (to show how much I’m ‘enjoying’ this) or ‘clapped for the NHS’ to join the others in this ‘we’re all in this together’ routine. (We all know they’d dob you if you do so much as pop round to your neighbours for a sneaky coffee.) This is keeping Spencer and I apart, me away from my children and it seems like every day another freedom is taken away. The Government has no exit strategy and has painted itself into a corner that will be find difficult to get out of without back tracking on their strict social distancing rules. So we’ll all have to wait while they figure a way out of this without getting egg on their faces.... because they can’t wait for a vaccine so it will be with us to stay and sooner or later we’re going to have to get back to some sort of normality. I phoned Georgie. She told me that a friend of hers had sent her a picture of her son dressed in a white all in one neck to ankle suit, a pair of rubber gloves and a GAS MASK..... Georgie thought it was a joke...but

no, he was going to Tesco....and he wasn’t doing it for a laugh...he truly feels that he needs to be protected that much. Back to bloody ‘no-work’ tomorrow, spending time at virtual meetings trying to make myself heard as everyone talks at once, or all alone hacking away at a keyboard for no real reason. At least it’s a short week.......

Tuesday 14 April 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Neutral

How am I looking after my body today?

I risked the 7 minute drive to Erddig and parked in the lay-by. There were quite a lot of people there - well it was 4.30 and by that time the best of the sunshine was making itself felt. There were 2 community police there, but they took no notice of me, heading instead for a large group of youngsters. But I don’t think there was any trouble. The car park is of course still blocked off but I think I should be able to run (Run 3 Week 3 there tomorrow by parking in the lay-by.

Journal

This morning Annie Grace (The Alcohol Experiment & This Naked Mind) said this in her daily email...which strikes me as pertinent. “You can’t help but marvel in shock that the sun still rises, rain still falls, and life goes on around you even when you’re feeling so detached from it. “You can’t stop time. We can’t control nature - even while this pandemic works it’s way around the globe, the earth spins and the seasons still change. Even while our lives feel as if they are stopped for now and forever changed - the world continues on as it has for millions of years before. “We talk so much about being in control and are so accustomed to exerting control that realizing that some things are out of our control can really leave us feeling forlorn. There are lessons to be learned from this though and the most important one is that really the only control we have is over ourselves and our actions. “None of us have control over what happens in the world, over what anyone else, thinks, or what they do. There is incredible freedom when we stop trying to control everything around us and instead embrace the fact that self-control is the extent of the control we have.” Which of course is something I know and one of my mantras, but I forgot it yesterday and speculating how this thing will end is useless and drains all my positive energy. No, I don’t have to put a rainbow up, clap my hands on a Thursday or join an online choir, but I CAN focus on myself and leave the news and all rumours and worries about then end to this thing to others...whether they do it wisely or badly is out of my control.

22:48:40 No more worrying about what I can’t control. I cannot control the thoughts of the general public nor the Government so I just have to forget it. After seeing a Tweet at lunchtime which upset me, I have decided that there is absolutely no point in looking at ANYTHING to do with CV. So now it definitely is no news, social media or tv programmes about CV. I must simply keep my head down and work.

Wednesday 15 April 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Neutral

Journal

We have been in lock down since 23rd March - it was initially said for 3 weeks but that was an arbitrary figure and it certainly shows no sign of being relaxed in anyway. It seems to me that the longer people stay in their homes doing nothing but listening to the daily death tolls and rolling news the more terrified they become. Its almost as though they are enjoying it...

It’s almost as though people WANT the lockdown. They seem to think that it they go outside they will

immediately be struck dead by CV when it’s highly unlikely.

But I must stop because it just gets me upset. I worry so much for those who run businesses, the people

who have to look after dementia patients at home with no help, those with mental illness, young families,

those who live with abuse.

Joanna sent me and Prue a message to say that (daughter) Jess has now ‘decided not’ to take up the offer

of redeployed work from her place of employment (she is a peripatetic worker for the NHS) because it is in

a hospital. ‘Her friend started there and they have a whole ward of CV and she was asked to do tasks way

out of their level. I’m so relieved I could cry”.

Right, no more... I must not get myself worked up. I have my point of view - obviously based on

confirmation biased ideas, (you can find an argument for anything these days) but also fuelled by my usual

optimistic nature. My default position with anything is ‘that it’ll never happen to me’ and it (whatever it may

be) never has.

22:56:35

It’s becoming apparent that the longer this goes on the less there is to talk about with friends. ‘Do anything

over Easter?’ ‘Um...no. Did you?’ ‘Ummm no..” Spencer had phoned in the morning and I’d missed his call

and we kept missing each other all day, but he phoned when I sat down for my dinner we talked for a while

about the dogs and my failed attempt to make any headway cleaning the decking. Then Prue and Joanna

phoned at 7.30 and by 8 we’d said all we had to say.

A small glimmer of light I accidentally listened to the 7pm news and Matt Wankock lets out a sob story

about the 13 year old boy who died alone of CV and no-one was able to go to his funeral. They now realise

that this was mistake to let this happen and are going to relax those rules. Furious! Its a bit too bloody late

for many people now....

16 April 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Neutral

How am I looking after my body today?

Week 3 of Couch to 5 km completed... There is very bad news about what this current crisis is doing to my pension. I get a daily update from Ali, but I don’t read them as I don’t know what I can do about it.

Journal

As I put the bins away Lisa next door came out for a chat. I think she is lonely and must be bored out of her mind as she never goes out at all these days. She has very poor health and doesn’t breath well, so she is very susceptible to the virus, she says she’s on bed most of the time....poor bugger. I had noticed that her lawn hasn’t been cut for a long time, so I volunteered to cut it for her at the weekend. I accidentally caught the end of the 6.30pm news so unfortunately heard that they have extended the Lockdown for a further 3 weeks. We’ve been told in work that we can apply to be furloughed if we wish, but there is no compulsion. I don’t think I want to go down that route just yet....I was fairly busy and also phoned 2 more Key Volunteers. I had a long walk taking the track over the bridge into the woods which was quite beautiful. Really enjoyed the walk and discovered a little more about the routes and where they lead. I’ve lived here all my life and didn’t know this place existed.

Friday 17 April 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Wondering

Journal

06:47:23 I have no heart. I am cold and hard and becoming a horrible person. I continue to regard this ‘clapping for the NHS’ as nonsense and is merely whipping up people’s hysteria about CV. I read today of a huge fuss and outpouring of grief for a hospital worker here in Wrexham who has lost his life ‘after testing positive for CV’. A Tweet shows people standing in silence outside the hospital to revere his memory... this is sad and one feels for his relatives.

It’s the huge outpouring of grief for another NHS staff member which just keeps the general public secure and happy in this unnatural lockdown. Any voices of descent at this spectacle were aimed at people ‘standing too close together’ during the vigil outside the hospital and their outrage at the recent trend to not only ‘clap for the NHS’ but to let off fireworks too... . 06:56:20 But it’s Friday! Once I forget CV and stop worrying about the frightening herd mentality of the general public, I am fine and even happy. The thought of a weekend alone and uncluttered by tedious nights out is soothing and does not upset me in the least. Of course it would be lovely to be meeting a friend for lunch in a pub, or having a Costa or contemplating a movie...but of course I am not alone in those thoughts. We cannot think any further than the state we now find ourselves in and we do indeed just have to ‘Carry On’ as the War time phrase would have it.

As I was working, I heard the unmistakable sound of a lawnmower. It was coming from Lisa! I had only yesterday told her that I would mow her lawn for her on Saturday. I peeked a look and sure enough her lawn was being mowed by 70 year old Mavis, who lives next door to her. Now Mavis must be at least 70 and was clearly struggling. I was annoyed. Why hadn’t Lisa said that Mavis was going to do it when I offered? Or why didn't she say to Mavis that I had already offered? Aren’t people strange? I could only conclude that she can’t have wanted me to do it for some reason which I can’t fathom....I did pop my head over the fence and was friendly and said that Mavis had beaten me to it.....and not to forget to ask me if it needed doing again... Saves me a job tomorrow I suppose... It sometimes feels as though no matter how hard I try I cant seem to help anyone. I have put my name down as an NHS volunteer and make myself available all the time - but get no requests. I put my little slips of paper through people’s doors to offer help...but none was needed. BookClub tonight which was fine, but I do find calls rather than face to face a bit wearing...nothing like as good as a proper night out. I chose ‘I Know Why the Caged Birds Sings‘ for our next one on 22nd May.

Saturday 18 April 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Neutral

How am I looking after my body today?

11,174 steps and completed a total of 16 minutes running - amazing!! See pic of heart rate . This 16 minutes running is significant because I have never managed anymore that 10 minutes in the gym and this is much better and so enjoyable. 07:51:38 Today will be completely free of CV...I will switch off the news, any programme which talks about it...I will

not look up any information or be drawn into any conversation about it. I have started the day with a meditation. I looked at one on You Tube and I was surprised how I got drawn into it...

Birdsong at the moment is very clear and the whole garden seems to be teeming with birds and the occasional large bumble bee.

My daily walks are now called ‘state allowed exercise’

Sunday 19 April 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Wondering

How am I looking after my body today?

This morning I have a slightly scratchy sore throat..... and now I am thinking could this be it? After all my

‘nay saying’ I could have picked up the virus...somewhere? How? The only thing I’ve touched was a trolley

in Aldi...even then I sanitised my hands because I sneezed in Boots..... I suppose I could just have a

sore throat .... oh, well, there’s nothing I can do about it.

Journal

That’s it I’ve had 10 minutes to update myself on CV. A load of pop singers have done a virtual concert ‘Together at Home’ (ooo lets watch that!). Many more have died in Care Homes than previously thought. It our Health Area there are around 670 cases out of 600,000 people...I think it is unlikely that I have the virus. No-one under 8 has died of CV in the UK with a large proportion of deaths (7000) amongst over 80s with over 60’s at 5000. There also appeared to be a "disproportionate impact" on those from black, Asian and minority ethnic communities, which is a huge issue and very worrying. ******** I had an email from our local MP (Cons) who responded to an email I sent to him about CV. “Many thanks for your email which I read with great interest. I understand your point of view but believe that we have no choice as I suspect Sweden will admit soon since its Coronavirus infection rate is now well above the other Nordic countries and they are starting to implement limited restrictions. The government’s approach commands the support of the country and, as an MP, I receive a huge amount of correspondence and official information which shows a cheerful willingness to abide by the lockdown by virtually all residents. “The parliamentary recess ends on 21st April at which point parliament will meet again, most likely in a virtual capacity which is how we as MPs are conducting parliamentary meetings during the recess, particularly by Zoom conference call. Ministers are being questioned each day in the public press

conference which lasted 1 hour 20 minutes yesterday with Matt Hancock MP with scope for supplementary questions. This will continue when parliament meets again in a fortnight. “Yes there is an economic consequence but the government has mitigated this effect with a raft of measures which again command broad support across the country. My own background is in business and finance and I agree with those who say that the spring back economically when restrictions are lifted will be quick and meaningful. Also, it’s important to remember that a lot of businesses are still functioning in the lockdown either from home or from carefully regulated office/factory working. “I hope this addresses your points and thank you again for taking the trouble to write at length and with such insight.” This evening there is a “One World Together at Home” Concert or what is dubbed ‘Lockdown Live AID” involving the big pop stars of the day such as Lady Gaga and Little Mix some not of today like The Rolling Stones and Paul McCartney, but again I do not want to watch it or take part. It goes without saying that it is to ‘raise money for CV’. But of course it is just to reassure the powers that be that we are quite happy in our lockdown or as the MP would have it with ‘cheerful willingness’. Maybe I am just a loner and hate being part of the crowd....

Monday 20 April 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Neutral

It really is the most glorious spring.... But I guess it always is and we’re usually too busy to notice.

Work all day, but not busy and there are fewer and fewer tasks for us to do.

Tuesday 21 April 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Journal

07:37:12 My smiley face for today does indicate that I am happy and I am. While I don’t accept this situation the effect it is having on me is minimal and my life is perfectly fine, apart from not being able to see the children and my friends. Yesterday on another virtual meeting. Donna Philips asked if I had spoken to my family and I said yes and she said ‘Oh yes so have I!’ Some people I’ve not spoken properly to for years! We have quizzes and talk for hours...its great!’

Well, that’s not the case with my lot...the children didn’t even ring me over the weekend and as for my siblings....no, its always me who rings Penny and apart from a few swapped messages nothing. Maybe its an age thing...the 30-40 years olds loving the novelty of speaking over the internet...but of course, its a poor substitute. It is noticeable that everyone’s narrative is that of staying at home...but there is a lot more traffic on the road and I am seeing a lot of builders etc. just going about their business. The car wash was open on Saturday so I got my car cleaned. It’s like everyone is just slipping back into old ways..... but I fear another clamp down and harsh words. I expected there to be a lot of talk at our meeting about the ‘Lockdown Live Aid’ and my having to make excuses about why I hadn’t seen it, but no one mentioned it and I suspect it wasn’t the spectacle that they wanted...well of course without crowds of people to be heard applauding and cheering it wouldn’t be would it? 22:28:22 Today I saw the Beluga flying over...it was a welcome sight and I wondered if it was because British Aerospace was up and running again...I haven’t seen a plane in weeks.

Thursday 23 April 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Neutral

Journal

Had a long chat with Soph in Denmark. Rob (her husband) is back in work - with large distances between their desks and a one way system in the canteen. Felt a little better but did very little work - such a waste of time - this is my life slipping away and I am doing nothing. Went to Eleanor’s and lovely surprise Penny (my sister) was there. So the 3 of us had a good long chat. Then Eleanor and I took the dog out for a long walk and I got back in the house at about 6.40. Had shower and had dahl with cauli rice for dinner. Spencer rang and we talked for maybe 30 minutes. We had quite a heated debate about CV - although he agrees that many of these measures are ridiculous, he doesn’t feel the same way as I do about the lockdown. Tonight all the comedy stars in the world joined forces to patronise us with ‘The Big Night in’ comedy marathon fundraising shite....needless to say, I didn’t watch it.... ********* Apparently some CV Vaccine trails have already begun - I have looked to see if I could take part as a volunteer for the trails, but unfortunately the age range is 18-55.

Friday 24 April 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Money issues

Keep getting letters which show that the value of my tiny pension has gone down.... Fucking CV

Saturday 25 April 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Yesterday I went past the B&M shop in town to see if I could pick up a few things.....The queue was enormous! God knows why people stand for hours in such a queue in the hot sun with their children....I know its not a big queue in some ways because of social distancing (hate that phrase) but really...it can’t always be that long surely.

Journal

I was talking to Samuel (at last) last night. He has been very busy and enjoys his work so much. It must be very tiring though speaking on Zoom to his students, (he is a lecturer at the University) although he told me that he enjoyed it. This is because they will come on and be down and uninspired and he is able to lift them out of that and gets them rushing for pen and paper to write down all the ideas he has sparked off. Isn’t that a lovely thought? My son is inspiring people ....I am so glad he shared that with me. But I am happy with my lot (today at least). When I look at what I have done and the 2 wonderful children I had a small part in bringing into the world....I know I have no reason to berate myself. Not everyone loves me - but those who do love to be with me and talk to me, Eleanor, Prue, Joanna, Rachel, Georgie, my sister Penny, Wendy in work, Denise....Spencer ....they all love me and like to hear from me... It doesn’t matter what other people have or don’t have. I’ll never know what my colleagues think of me or what they are saying about me. I am getting a good wage and am employed and will do whatever is asked of me. ***************************** Another news blackout day for me - I have more or less avoided anything about CV all week. And only glanced at FB once or twice (although I have to do it for work). I am however enjoying Jamie Olivers ‘Keep Cooking and Carry On’ which was hastily put together for CV, with his wife holding the mobile phone and his children hovering in the background. But it absolutely superb. The recipes use basic store cupboard ingredients which can be adapted depending on what you

can get. I love the programmes which I can access at any time on C4. They even made me want to make bread....not that I will because the one thing that is in very short supply is flour and yeast....Also I would never be able to eat a whole loaf. ************* 22:26:03 Warm and sunny day...so did a lot tidying in the garden. Sunday 26 April 2020 Weather: Cloudy Mood: Happy

Journal When I got back from my walk Rachel (older friend, lives in Essex) phoned and we had a good chat. She laughed when I raved about this CV communities together and clap for the NHS and said it was so good to talk to me as none of her friends would agree! I had to laugh when she said that her friend Rita (who also used to work with me) is not allowed out at all as she has some health issues and is over 70. So the only exercise she gets is in her garden. She is currently doing a sponsored challenge to walk round her lawn which is so small that if she’s not careful she’ll walk up her own arse.

Monday 27 April 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Neutral

Completed Day 2 Week 5 of Couch to 5 km. Ran for 2 x 8 mins with 5 min break in between....easily...I didn’t even feel out of breath when I’d done it or during it. I’m fitter than I think. Therefore am I brighter/cleverer/more attractive/more fun than I think? Am I more loved/respected/talented than I think? What I perceive as true about myself may not be so....Interesting.... Money issues

Bought £1250 worth Premium Bonds. I find I have money left at the end of each month since start of lockdown due to not spending on going out for meals, going to the pub, buying clothes and endless coffee dates Journal 06:39:04

“Weekdays revolved on a sameness wheel. They turned themselves so steadily and inevitably that each seemed to be the original of yesterday’s rough draft” Maya Angelou 22:20:57 One of my colleagues is almost a conspiracy theorist...she really thinks that this whole thing is unnecessary and feels that the country will be changed beyond recognition if we ever do come out of lockdown. She had a fridge delivered at the weekend and the delivery men left the six foot high box on the doorstep. She is older than me and lives alone...what on Earth was she to do? I spoke to another friend who is not hanging rainbows in her window and is rather nervous about going to see her next door neighbour and walking with him. She really doesn’t see what’s wrong with it, but is worried what the other neighbours will say. She doesn’t see why there is all this adoration of the NHS either...they are just doing their job. She was annoyed when a shop assistant stuck her nose in the herbs she just bought. herbs....She works in a University and fears for her job. I listen to my friends and discuss it and give my take on it. As far as possible I continue to ignore CV but go about my business as normally as I can without breaking the rules.. I pop to the shops when I want as many times as I want...I drive for a walk and walk for as long as I want to. I am just wondering when the public who are so willingly sitting in lockdown and enjoying their lazy days will realise that at some time they will have to pay for this? That they will have to get back to work with the CV still amongst us? That Football Matches, sporting events, pop music gigs, Summer Music Festivals all of those things will be the very last thing to come back....that a vaccine is a very, very long way off. That they will have to feel the fear.....and just get on with things.....the longer people sit in their houses the worse it will be.

Planning for VE Day.....8th May all planned activities have been stopped. There will be a singalong of We’ll meet again with Vera Lynn and a whole variety of stars. The team were talking about it saying how we need to go into the street and make sure that everyone joins in.

Tuesday 28 April 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

Journal

06:45:25 Again, in myself I am quite happy with no immediate concerns. This life is not difficult as there are ways around the restrictions...the main one being not getting caught. Similar to when, in my youth, I may have had one drink too many and driven I just hoped and hoped I’d never get stopped and breathalysed. I was stopped only once in my life and then I passed. But it is not in my imagination - there are more cars around and people are getting back to business. It seems to me that Police dash round in vain trying to catch people out, but they can’t be everywhere.

At the moment I wonder is what life will be like when the Government realise we have to go back to work and has to order people to do so. Many people who have been imprisoned in their homes for the past however long (I refuse to count how long) now have a completely false impression of the way things are.

Those of us who have been going about quite freely without even thinking about CV know that we need to be careful but that it’s not to be feared. But those ‘former prisoners’ will see CV on every surface and every person as a potential threat.... they will demand all sorts of strictures such as masks and the constant use of bloody hand gel of other more practical realistic folk who have been going about their business. Conflict will ensue.... The Government should look at the areas of the least dense population where there have been numbers of deaths and start re-introducing a get back to work policy in them. Here in North Wales there have still been low numbers and CV is not rife. I still feel in no danger whatsoever....only from zealots and idiots who see every person as a threat to their life...when the truth is that statistically there is the tiniest possibility of getting it and even lower of dying from it. But I have to accept that my views are in the minority. I have no control over this except to write to my MP again...and continue to ignore the news and Social Media.

Wednesday 29 April 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Happy

It’s Day 1 of the Annual Work Conference today but I am going to set up my laptop by the patio window so that I can watch the birds...We would have been at Alton Towers for 2 days but now we are doing it virtually. They are not so daft as keep the original planned full agenda of the usual Conference, (that would be a nightmare) and we will be allowed to bob in and out of the sessions. On Microsoft Teams (which replaces Skype) they can’t tell if you’ve switched off your vid and mic so it won’t be too arduous. It could be boring, but at least I won’t feel compelled to be trying to find work to do. It occurs to me that because I am not swimming I am not doing anything to increase the strength (or even the tone) of my upper arms

Journal

A strange day. Like everything had changed.....things are different and I can’t put my finger on why. Whether it is the quality of the light after the days of sunshine or some strange wave of something coming from the surrounding people all cooped up in their living rooms I can’t tell....(I live on a housing estate surrounded by other people’s lives) I need a hug....I need love and a body next to mine. We would never have guessed that such a situation could happen.....life was so good....now it isn’t.

Thursday 30 April 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Wondering

Journal

The Work Conference was quite good... but I don’t really understand talk about strategy or am interested in it......The message is always essentially that ‘we’ve been having meetings about it and it’s been hard work” and then goes on to tell us stuff that’s really just jargon. I’ve experienced so many ‘changes in strategy’ in charities over the years and the one thing that I can say is that nothing ever changes or makes any difference to me, no matter how many strategy meetings they have .... And now of course it’s all pointless because who knows what the World will be like in a year’s time anyway? Strangely, I was irrationally disappointed as I thought there would be more interaction between us all like the normal Conference. I’d actually carefully chosen what to wear and had put make up on! But there was less interaction than at our normal virtual Team meetings ...none of us could see each other. We could type in or even ask questions out loud but apart from seeing people’s names on the screen it was still just me and the laptop alone in my living room. It must have been worse for the presenters who had no real idea how their talks were being received....(glad the Branding Dept couldn’t see me snoozing through their session..!)

May 2020

In which I run a Family Quiz (eventually), commemorate VE Day, mourn the loss of my favourite soap, have

a lot of ups and downs, get stopped by the police, discover the joy of bubbles and reach a goal. I also put

my life at risk by not clapping for the NHS.

Friday 1 May 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Wondering

Journal

Today is Friday so, prospect of a weekend to come and it’s a short week as we have Monday off for VE Day. I am trying to get the Family together for a Quiz on Sunday, but Soph can’t come and I’ve only heard off Penny (oldest sister), Ed (younger brother) and Alex, Samuel & Sarah. I’ll have to send another invite to Sweden (where my middle sister Rosa lives) ...but I am a bit disappointed that Soph can’t make it....will probably cancel it until we can all come.

Saturday 2 May 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Journal Spencer (partner – lives 100 miles away in Brecon) phoned me yesterday while I was on my walk and is not well ..he feels achey and tired and just well, poorly. He suspects CV...I do not....we’ll see. I can’t really do anything about it....but of course I hate the fact that he’s alone and unwell....that’s just horrible. But apart from that I am feeling very good in my own little world. I feel very confident after my talk with Ben and I will hopefully see Penny and Eleanor today, which is something to look forward to. Not heard anything from Sweden about them joining in the Quiz.....but I think I’ll speak to Soph see when is best for her and change the date. That’ll give me a bit more time to get it together.

Sunday 3 May 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Journal

Still no word from Sweden yesterday about the Family Quiz and Penny reckons ‘they’ve gone to the coast’. So I’ve postponed it for now. When you’re trying to get a date when everyone can get together sometimes ‘just going for it’ works - but at other times (like this one) it didn’t. A fun start to the day yesterday because of the Northern Soul Hour on R6 which I sent messages about to friends. Georgie later told me that her rather staid unenthusiastic brother (who lives in Germany) spent much of his youth in Norfolk going to NS ‘all-nighters’ and was a real fan of it. So she sent him the message not expecting any response and he send her back a pic of him dancing! Then Georgie sent me one of her to prove me wrong because I’d said it was not easy to get a video of yourself dancing....so of course I had to send one back... I went to Morrison’s Supermarket and although it was late, there was a small but fast moving queue....the biggest problem is the length you have to walk to get to the entrance to the barriers....which is the entire length of the building . I hurriedly put some bedding plants in my trolley as I passed by not wishing to miss my place in the queue. Poor Spencer is still under the weather, but it doesn’t seem to be developing into anything sinister. But it means he can even go out to buy chocolate or ice cream which he now craves.

How lovely would it be to be with him right now. Warm and snug in bed, with the warmth of our bodies under the duvet and the anticipation of a night of sex and solid sleep. Planning an interesting walking round

the Beacons with a cappuccino and cake at the end of it....and maybe a good roast dinner for lunch in a cosy pub.

I think we always appreciated these things but now...they seem like a distant untouchable dream. But they’re not..it won’t be forever and it may be sooner than we think...Please God.....

*********** Another victim of this lockdown is The Archers. The announcer blithely announced at the end of Thursday’s episode (we don’t get one on a Friday anymore) that there would be no more episodes until June.

Why the fuck not? I assumed that in the last 6 weeks, when The Archers have been living their lives as though CV didn’t exists, that the cast and crew were getting new post-CV episodes ready...but no...I cannot for the life of me fathom why the actors in a radio drama cannot do their job and keep to bloody Social Distancing.... .

I have listened to The Archers since I was 16 years old and it was the anchor to my day there every day but Saturday without fail…and now its gone…. ********** My walk in Erddig which I find so therapeutic because it’s the one place I can get away from CV was spoiled. Someone has made little sheets of plastic laminated paper with ‘I LOVE the NHS’ and stuck them in every stile and crack of wood they can find.

This is the onslaught of public feeling at the moment... I can’t see how polluting the countryside like this is going to help the situation or even support the NHS. It’s completely bonkers. But I am trying very hard to rise above it....there is no point in my Tweeting about it as there is a complete mania in the country at the moment. Some of us have likened it to the time when Princess Diana died....there was a huge outpouring of grief and weeping and wailing from people who of course never met her. It was sad of course, but the thousands of bunches of flowers and toys and gifts left for her were unbelievable.

I experienced this first hand as the charity I worked for was actually responsible for redistributing some of these gifts....such a waste of money. Now money is pouring in for frontline workers who don’t need it....because they’re working and are getting overtime. (Christ off I go again...)

Anyway, I forced myself to forget these things and in the end had a lovely walk and ate my sandwiches by the river where it babbles and trips over some rocks just past the 2nd bridge. I was lucky enough to see a Dipper bobbing and bipping into the water.... Today, I can feel a little sprout of contentment and confidence establishing itself inside me.. it’s just rooting itself at the moment...

Monday 4 May 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Journal

Spencer is still a bit unwell, but he managed to go for a 40 minutes walk and do some gardening etc. so if it is CV (as he suspects and I don’t) then it certainly doesn’t look like it’s going to kill him.

Wednesday 6 May 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Journal

07:04:26 Spoke to Spencer last night on the phone. He is my only source of news - apparently the number of cases and deaths from CV is going down. Also his squirrel shooter assured him that a vaccine is almost ready to go and the company waiting for the approval is making large amounts of it ready to go...(quite frankly, wonderful news as that it is, I don’t believe it).

Thursday 7th May 2020

All my life I have supported and appreciated the National Health Service in this country as I have worked in Eastern European the African Countries and seen what life is like without free health care. I always vote with the protection of this amazing constitution in mind.

But I really don’t understand why the general public thing that putting signs up and clapping can help this situation in any way.

And now this….a beautiful tree vandalised forever for what??! The world’s gone mad…I was very upset by this and find it very difficult to understand.

Friday 8 May 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Wondering

Journal

SUCH a good day. And again I learn the lesson that after a bad day a good day is sure to follow. I put some wreaths in the front garden to honour VE 75 and Mervyn next door had put a lot of flags out so we had a chat. Then I took some Poppy biscuits round to my neighbours and had Socially Distanced chats with them. Then had a virtual coffee with friends and while I did that Denise rang me. For my picnic and parked the car in the lay-by by Erddig and phoned Denise back from there.

Denise said ‘Will you be in my bubble?” as we had realised how much we missed working with each other. Apparently, one of the theories about the ending of lockdown is that we will have a few people in our Social ‘bubble’ who we can mix with...as she asked if I could be in hers..... It was the sweetest thing any one has said to me in a while. Had my virtual picnic with Wendy and Georgie it was such good fun. We planned where we would like to go walking together when this is all over. Tried to go to see Eleanor but I saw 2 police cars as I drove through the WPE and when I got to Eleanor’s there was one on the end of their road... so I had to go up towards Port and double-back to Lowley to escape them and get home as of course I am not supposed to be visiting anyone at all. All evening I dipped in and out of the VE commemorations. Some of the music was awful, 1940s music may appeal to those who are 90 but it does nothing for me so I didn’t listen to much of it.

The ‘street parties’ that they had tried to put together with Social Distancing in place just looked very dull ...... folk sitting yards apart sitting on cheap picnic chairs at the end of their drives, trying to have a conversation surrounded by bunting. I’m afraid I simply don’t believe that once they all got pissed they kept to their Social Distancing.... as I’m sure there was a lot of booze about.... Phew! What a day....so full of lovely social connections and sweet perfect things happening. I know that I am loved by my friends and family as my phone hasn’t stopped.... Saturday 9 May 2020 Weather: Sunny Mood: Happy Positive things about yesterday I felt so kind and good talking to my various neighbours and giving them biscuits. Such a good feeling.

“Will you be in my bubble?” Feeling loved as I spoke to so many friends and Sarah sent me a lovely message ( ‘super Nana’ ) to thank me for the gifts. Then Samuel and the girls rang to say thank you. Journal Last night I read this in the This Naked Mind Book.... “The secret to happiness is freedom. The secret to freedom is courage.” Carrie Jones Colin the plumber came and mended the tap which dripping of which has been the soundtrack to my life the entire lockdown up until now. It was good of him to come as it hardly constitutes an essential, but it was to me. Had a long chat with Soph on Messenger she enjoyed my telling her about ‘the bubble’ and we talked about meditation and running etc. She said that you wouldn’t really know in CPH that there was any CV emergency. She said the restaurants as about to open.

I said it’s vile here and things are not good. I told her about the NHS nonsense, but as she has friends who work in the NHS, she wasn’t really understanding. I mentioned that I didn’t know what to have for dinner and she sent me a Just Eat voucher as it was Mother’s Day in Denmark. So for the first time since lockdown began I ordered a take away. I chose and Indian Meal to come at 7pm. First time I’ve ever used Just Eat too.

I went to see Eleanor - as she’d messaged to say that the police weren’t about. We had a chat for an hour or so considering whether to go to Bellises as apparently garden centres are open now....but then realising that as it was such a beautiful day and they had only just opened it was going to be very crowded. So we didn’t go in the end. As I left Eleanor’s ready for my run, the police were stopping people on the by-pass. The officer just asked me where I was going....I told him to Tesco shopping and he let me through. I don’t think they’d have recorded my car reg. and it was hardly the 3rd degree...so I’m not really sure what it was about. I could have said anything. I didn’t see any of the bits of laminated NHS messages anywhere ...I think they’ve been removed. I got home showered washed my hair and was just work out my timings doing the shopping in time to get back for my meal delivery when there was a knock on the door and the Indian Meal had arrived...2 hours early!! . Did my shopping arriving at Sainsburys and Aldi at 5.30. There was practically no-one there. Got everything I needed and there was loads of fresh food and of course toilet rolls in abundance. Heated up the Indian meal when I got home.

Sunday 10 May 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

Journal

23:37:22 So the PM spoke tonight. Some Lockdown websites imply that the virus is not the killer they say it is. But it would seem from the comments from my colleagues about the slight easing of lockdown that they are still terrified that the easing is ‘too soon’. There was a kerfuffle on our Team Messenger group (members are just 7 of my North West colleagues) as one of our senior managers was on ‘Who Wants to be a Millionnaire.

During it Stacey said, “Makes a pleasant distraction from Bungling Boris telling the world they can travel to exercise” Then Sadeena chips in “That was a shocker” and Carl agreed. Why?? why was it a shocker? The thing with Stacey, Sadeena and Carl is that they live in the Lake District. Maybe they just don’t like holidaymakers. They’ve been enjoying the joys of their countryside without the screaming hordes of tourists...so of course they’re not happy about any easing of the lockdown.

Monday 11 May 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Journal Spent the day talking to my Key Volunteers – basically to find out if they are over 70 which may mean that

they are out of action for any work they can do for us. Etta is at home with her frail husband and spending

all her time doing complex jigsaws. She is actually 68 and will be very happy to get back to the campaign.

Another one is Sally who works for a large Insurance Company - she is currently working from home. The

company are doing a 3-phased return but she is in the 3rd phase so doesn't expect to be back properly

until June next year!

I did my run, which was a bit of a challenge starting off because of the cold and the wind....but I soon

warmed up and a I did my favourite run through the woods where its more sheltered. I managed the 25

minutes quite well again. Michael Johnson says I’m doing very well!

After dinner I wrote an email to my sister and her partner in Sweden again asking them to join us on the

Quiz. I started on the questions - which have to be carefully written as I can’t have anything solely British in

case the Swedes join us (they wouldn’t know any of our tv or media stars for instance). Then 2 of my Key

Volunteers Courtney and Chris phoned me which took up a lot of the evening but more crossed off the list.

Courtney is an NHS nurse and she says that there are a about 3 wards and an annex full of CV patients at

the hospital where she works. She is quite nervous about the easing of lockdown. She also said that all

nurses were being told they have to have the CV Test (mainly to satisfy their promise of the numbers being

tested) whether they have symptoms or not.

This she refusing to do as it is a very unpleasant test, and rather unreliable as it does not work unless the

swab is pushed into the nasal cavity ‘up to the brain stem’ and another right to the back of the

throat....oooooohhh sounds nasty.

Poor Chris is still entirely alone with 2 toddlers under 3 all day, every day with no end in sight...I feel so

sorry for him...it’s a life of hell... Even when their Mum comes for her access visits to his house, he gets no

respite because she thrusts her 12-month old (had with another man) into his arms to look after while she

plays with the other 2.

Tuesday 12 May 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Journal

Another day in lockdown begins. Listening the Volunteers yesterday I know that I am very lucky and in a good position living alone, with my job and beautiful countryside close by. Access to supermarkets and shops etc. No problems at all....The PM gave a speech again yesterday to explain what he’d meant by his speech on Sunday...many people are rather confused. But for us in Wales it’s more or less business as usual we are allowed 2 walks per day...(whoopy-do) and the Garden Centres are allowed to open....But I cannot drive over the border for leisure, so any glimmer of hope of going to Lancaster to see Samuel and my granddaughters is gone.

Wednesday 13 May 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Money issues

Gosh, can’t believe that it’s payday on Friday...have over £700.00 left from last month’s salary.....amazing... I’ve not been out of course and no shopping for clothes or having coffees or meals out with friends.

Journal

I got a rather annoying email from my Swedish brother in law in response to my email to ask them to join us on The Quiz. “Good to hear from you and that you are all well in these troublesome times. It would be great fun to have a quiz with you all. One problem you want to use Zoom which is a very unsafe site. Where your details will b e sold all over the world. I would be happier if you used Skype which is safe and sound. You can also have video conference on skype. Pls let me know what you decide. Lots of love from Lars and Rosa

Although annoyed, I was in half a mind to do as they asked and do it via Skype, but it wouldn’t be as good and also I didn’t want to dance to their tune...it’s my invitation after all. I asked Samuel and Soph what they thought (via WA) and they both immediately got back to me and said that it was ironic that they were picking on Zoom when Rosa and Lars were such liberal users of FaceBook. Soph said that they use Zoom and we can use her work Zoom account, so Rosa & Lars won’t even need to download the Zoom app just use a link. So I’ve crafted an email saying thanks for pointing that out and I’ve had a look at this and spoken to our IT Dept in work (I haven’t) but saying that they can use just the link. I’m not going to change it from Zoom...if they don’t come that’s their problem. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was just an excuse for them not to join us.... Talked to one of our volunteers Farhan. He and I talked for ages about CV.... he has a couple of businesses - a cafe and hairdressers and of course those have been very badly hit by the lockdown. He says that it’s not so bad whilst it’s closed because his staff are furloughed and he is not paying overheads while it is closed up, but of course the problem will come when it opens again. They will have to pay staff and overheads, but they may not get any customers as they rely heavily on passing Summer trade. The headline news tonight was the Chancellor announcing# threat there is ‘likely to be a recession’!! ...well there’s a fucking surprise OF COURSE THERE’s GOING TO BE A RECESSION......It’s only idiots like my local MP who told me that businesses are going to ‘spring back’ who believe it will all go back to normal. Tonight me and the girls were contemplating the city without Debenhams and even worse, Chester without Browns of Chester (which is now Debenhams) ...it’s unthinkable...there has been a shop there in the heart of Chester since to 1800s....it will rip the heart out of the lovely city....

Thursday 14 May 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Payday tomorrow- buy Premium Bonds with the excess money in my account.

Journal

One worry I do have with work is that once these calls are over I literally have nothing to do.....which is a bit of a problem.... Because of course if you declare that you could be furloughed or asked to take leave ...but I don’t know what I am supposed to be doing at all...Maybe I will speak to my Manager....or maybe I’ll just shut up.... But right now I feel a deep contentment....I am not too bothered by the above...I feel that I am learning to tame wild ideas and thoughts....and bring calm to my life. Tomorrow is the weekend in this strange world we live in at present....but it’s still the weekend.

Friday 15 May 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

Saturday 16 May 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Wondering

How am I looking after my body today?

Run day today Day of 2 Week 8 - 28 mins straight run.

A near perfect day of activities- gardening, washing and a long walk...quick catch up with family. Then Eliza and Samuel....went to see Penny then Eleanor and got home around 6. Showered and washed my hair...(well overdue). Spent the evening on quiz questions for the family quiz tomorrow.

Journal

Sunday 17 May 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

Journal

There was a protest in London about the lockdown. Jeremy Corbyn’s brother was there and arrested the reportage made him seem like an idiot and a crank. The majority of people in the UK seem to be clinging onto to idea that CV is going to kill us all. There are moves to start children back at school, but of course this is felt to be putting children’s lives in

danger by the large majority ....when there are very few reported cases of children even getting CV never mind dying.

I steeled myself to listen to R4 Any Answers and someone was calling for weekly testing of the children...Have they any idea what is involved in testing?? It’s not straight forward and is very, very unpleasant...I would hate for Isabel and Eliza to have it even once, never mind weekly... There’s also a lot more nimbie-ism - people who live in National Parks and the countryside wanting to keep people away from ‘their’ area...siting the danger to their lives....

COVID-19 kills just 20% of the people who get it and even then the large majority have had underlying health conditions. I try and try to think like the majority I really do, but I am outside public opinion. And have to grit my teeth as I am urged to clean the handle of my supermarket trolley and see so many people wearing masks.

**********

I am re-reading ‘This Naked Mind’ which is book about giving up drinking alcohol. I read it a year ago and gave up drinking as a result. I hardly think about drinking at all now although many people seem to be drinking a lot more during lockdown.

Part of me sometimes wants what Soph and I call a ‘fuck-it’ session....that is “the world’s against me so I’ll be ‘naughty’ and have a drink” ...”and another” ..and yes....”I’ll show them...I’ll get completely pissed...” Seeing as the large majority drink its hardly ‘naughty’ is it? And the only thing you gain (apart from a few brief moments of bliss during those first few sips - which you have to back up with another drink to keep you feeling like that) is a thumping head and a huge amount of guilt the following day and your poor body having to deal with the vast amount of poison in your system. So yes, I do occasionally miss a drink, but never during the day ...in the day and the majority of the time I am truly glad that I don’t drink – particularly now. I am so pleased that I am doing my upmost to keep to my optimum health.

Work today

Monday 18 May 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Wondering

Positive things about yesterday

So much....I love the way my little trellis looks propped up against the shed ready to support the sweet peas Have an incredible awareness of my ownership of this beautiful bungalow and my things and the space around me which is exclusively mine. Although this may seem materialistic I am also very aware that I do

not and will not take these things for granted. Before CV we didn’t appreciate things like hugs and meeting up for coffees in crowded places or the joy or travelling where we want when we want...now the small things take on a new significance.

Tuesday 19 May 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

Journal

So today I am calmer of mind. No doubt speaking to the others today in work (and I am determined to keep up a dialogue with them) I will have dips and maybe even an encouragement or two, but the greatest encouragement will be from me...I am getting through this in my own way. I am special and clever and unique. Now for meditation ohhmmm....

Work today

It’s no good pretending that I have loads to do, because I don’t. None of us do. I think we are being gently encouraged to take leave, but I don’t want to do that because that’s exactly what it feels like now... I am meeting another member of staff for a virtual coffee at 11 - it’s called coffee roulette and is just an idea to get staff together. The reality is that getting to know people in other depts while interesting is not useful in anyway. But still, ‘play the game’ as Nigel says.

Wednesday 20 May 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Journal

07:04:57 Well, a real turnaround yesterday in work. I did bits and pieces, still not too much to do. Phoned Daisy and had a chat and then did the coffee roulette with Natasha the Social Media Manager which was really lovely we got on really well. I made some sandwiches and a coffee and went out as it was a truly beautiful day....the sun was warm and I didn’t even need a jacket. This was my route which I walked listening to dramas downloaded onto my phone....Perfect!

And I’m probably wrong about my attitude to CV too....in some ways. Although the fact remains that it only kills 20% of the people who get it and children need to go back to school as they don’t get it...Right, enough... Had a joint WhatsApp call with Prue and Joanna which is difficult because Joanna has been so firm about

following lockdown rules and won’t even see her own daughter and Prue (I suspect like many folk who have been out to work since it started) tends to be a little more relaxed about it.

Thursday 21 May 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Very Happy

How am I looking after my body today?

9,062 steps yesterday- get this - I ran for 30 mins!! I am amazing. I ran through the woods at about 4.20 as it was such a hot but beautiful day. Its an amazing thing that I have come so far and even better enjoying it – it is the one bright thing that has happened since lockdown began. If I run on Friday and then Sunday’s run will mean I have completed the Couch to 5km. Here in Wales we are under different lockdown rules than in England. But this thing with the Welsh/English border (currently English not being allowed in) was just the excuse that the Welsh Nationalist.

This thing is worse - much worse - than Brexit for its divisiveness...because it involves people’s behaviour which can be seen and our behaviour does demonstrate which ‘side’ we’re on. We justify ‘breaking the rules’ in a number of ways. Yes, I know deep down that I am doing, but my justification is mainly (to myself) that I think they are crap and unnecessary - but to world at large and people like Joanna I say it’s because I live alone and I do think I’m not spreading the virus.

Friday 22 May 2020

Weather: Windy

Mood: Happy

Death rates in London gone down and no cases in the hospitals

Journal

It’s Friday! And a Bank Holiday weekend as well .......

Soph & Rob were staying in an AirBnB in Denmark and she rang me from what looked like a Bedouin tent in the child’s bedroom where she retreated to do her daily meditation, She was urging me to go to Spencer’s or to see Samuel and Sarah because I hadn’t seen anyone. But I assured her I was fine and anyway going to either place at the moment was more or less impossible. I decided it might be a good plan to do my shopping at 5pm. The weather was so bad with the wind making things so difficult that I guessed there may not be a queue and there wasn’t...although the store was fairly crowded....I saw just 1 or 2 people wearing masks but no more...thank God. They unnerve me ....

Saturday 23 May 2020

Weather: Windy

Mood: Happy

Journal

22:43:50 A good day.....Spent the morning putting the finishing touches to tomorrow’s family quiz Samuel rang and I had a quick word with Isabel for her 10th birthday, who thanked me for the present and flitted off not sure what to do next. Samuel said he was going to phone me again to ‘insist’ I go up there (I wouldn’t have gone). But a neighbour of theirs (who is called Johnny, but they call him Colin ‘because he doesn’t look like a Johnny‘) has developed a dry cough and now his partner has it... So he thought it wouldn’t be wise.....saved by a cough.

I pretended that his neighbour’s cough would have stopped me, but what was stopping me is that I would not have liked to go and sit apart from them in the garden like a pariah. I had decided to go somewhere other than Erdigg for a walk today. The weather was not great as it was very windy still and cold. Of course not allowed to drive that distance to go for my ‘state allowed exercise’ so I was taking a risk...but it’s quite exciting really.

I doubt I would get fined if I was caught anyway. But it felt so rebellious . I passed 2 farm shops which were open and I had a fancy for some sausage, but the first one had a queue of 2 people outside it, so I turned the car around. The 2nd one had a barrier across the entrance to the shop telling people that staff would ‘come and take your order’ no good...not doing that.... I made it all the way up to Pontfadog without being challenged. I though of Spencer because I took the road out of the village which I would have used if I was driving to Brecon. The walk was not the best if I’m honest as wind was pretty bad at times and it was sometimes rather cloudy and cold walking along featureless tarmaced lanes.... and finding somewhere to sit down to eat was not easy. But when I got to the Chirk side of the hill I could see across to the castle. I sat on some soft clippings under a tree to eat my sandwich and looked out across the village right across to Helsby Hill in the far distance. I’d taken the binoculars and looked to the far distant hills and spotted a red start and black cap. I didn’t see a single person...just a small family at the start walking their dogs. It took about 2.5 hours and a good 1/4 of it was uphill. So good to get away from this horrible CV crisis for a while. Garden Centres have now opened in Wales so I thought I’d visit one…turns out its in England. It’s a strange thing, but as I have lived on the Welsh English border all my life I’ve never had to consider which county I’m in before. The Welsh Govt have decided not to follow English CV Rules and Regs so we in the borders are very confused.

I got there at 4.30 and as they were closing at 5 all queues were gone. I took Spencer’s advice and invested in a few bags of compost as we suspect that the reason my plants are not thriving is because I’m using old compost. Michael’s just written me an email in it he’s complaining about people not keeping to social distancing. “Today I noticed two people there taking no notice of the social distancing at all, walking right up behind people, pushing through gaps and being general arseholes, there's always one but this time there were two.” It is something that you hear a lot now....complaints about people in supermarkets. But it’s almost impossible to keep strictly 2 metres apart from folk when you’re shopping. As it will be in general ....there was a teacher speaking common sense today on the radio reasonably saying that it will not be possible to do it in nursery schools.... Family quiz tomorrow evening.....I’ve printed it off and just need to email them the picture round as it starts.

Sunday 24 May 2020

Weather: Windy

Mood: Very Happy

Journal

08:09:36 Yesterday the big news (I didn’t hear it as I don’t listen to the news anymore) is that a Government minister Dominic Cummings broke lockdown rules by driving from London to County Durham to see his family while his wife had cv symptoms. The Twittersphere is furious as his cabinet colleagues are defending his, siting ‘exceptional circumstances’ . But as SH said in a Tweet: “I’m fuming. All those men who missed their babies being born, all those elderly mums and dads dying alone while their kids cried at home, all those unattended funerals. All on the instruction of a government now defending a mate who chose to take his suspected Covid on a roadtrip” Which is why I take no fucking notice of these draconian rules....just quietly getting on with things and meeting my mates without shouting about it as you can bet your life that many others are doing the same. There was a good balanced article on the BBC website this morning entitled ‘How scared should we be of CV?” It stated that 1 in 400 people may be infected and “the chances of coming into contact with someone who is infected is considered to be pretty slim – particularly if you are practising Social Distancing”.

“Coronavirus has been described as an invisible killer. What could be more terrifying than that? A deadly pathogen we cannot spot, and then when it hits, we cannot retreat. It is unsurprising, therefore, that many people are fearful of going out, returning life to normal or even letting children go back to school. People want to be safe. But the problem is we are no longer as safe as we once were. There is, after all, a new virus around that can have catastrophic consequences.

“So what should we do? Some have argued restrictions need to continue until safety can be guaranteed. But those arguments generally ignore the fact that continuing to do so carries risk in itself. UK chief medical adviser Prof Chris Witty often describes these as the "indirect costs" of the pandemic. They include everything from poor access to healthcare for other conditions through to rises in mental illness, financial hardship and damage to education. “So as restrictions ease, society and individuals themselves are going to have to make decisions based on balancing competing sets of risks. You should not expect to be 100% safe. A very successful day. After completing the Couch to 5km - a complete triumph - I am now officially a runner. Samuel and Sophie we’re so proud and pleased that I’d done it as I posted the Congrats page from the app on WhatsApp.

Picture of Kaylee removed for anonymity.

I ran the Quiz at 6. Samuel and Sarah won so I have appointed them as the next people to do it next time. My children were funny and witty and fantastic....Samuel is so brilliant and I was just so proud of my brood.

On Soph’s advice I made sure that there weren’t too many questions and made them easy. All the answers

were based on our Christian names. It was a bit like herding cats, but it was quite good. The final round

was a small selection of Family Photos: they had to guess the date.

Still, Zoom is easy in that situation as you can’t talk one to one with anyone, they could have been any

random group of people. The Quiz worked well though and I think everyone appreciated the time together.

Picture of the family on zoom removed for anonymity.

Monday 25 May 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

I woke up so early - around 5.30 - that I listened to some music. My right ear has been slightly blocked (or so I thought) so I’ve been putting olive oil in it for a few days, and on a whim I thought I’d just see how much I could hear out of it by putting just one ear piece jn there....turns out, I can’t hear in that ear AT ALL!! I hadn’t really noticed....but now of course, I imagine I can’t hear anything. This is one of the problems with lockdown by yourself...there’s no-one to talk to so you don’t really notice how bad/good your hearing is...or how loud you have the tv on! I have been constantly using my earbuds and headphones in work so I guess that won’t have helped.

Journal

Bank Holiday It’s going to be a beautiful day, which is a problem because everyone will be out walking and picnicking ...and who can blame them? But the police and the ‘nimby zealots’ will be on the lookout to start criticising anyone who dares to ‘break the rules’ and call them idiots.... Yesterday I posted the BBC piece on my FB Feed requoting part of the article “The chances of coming into close contact with one of those individuals [i.e. someone who is infected] - certainly as we are practising social distancing even when out and about - is considered to be pretty slim.” Then I said “Please, instead of hysteria, bemoaning and name-calling (“idiots!”) , can we have a bit of perspective here? Kindness and good common sense will help us - not paranoia and ‘shame blaming’. It sums up how I am feeling about this whole situation. It gives me some hope, but of course I am probably being too optimistic ....the chances of any real changes happening soon are slim.

But Facebook is fast becoming a parody of itself with pointless memes (such as this one) or people naming and shaming those who don’t clap for the NHS’ or have the audacity to carry on working (such as window cleaners) and trying to earn a living. There is constant whinging about people standing too close in supermarkets, or going out for days out and leaving litter. Every post of this type having the meaningless cry of ‘What is WRONG with these people?’ repeated several times by members of what call ‘The Bloody Ridiculous Club’.

I am reducing the time I spend on it as much as possible now.

Looking on the Wrexham website to find a walk the emphasis is still on ‘stay at home’ but you can exercise...it still unclear about how far (or even if) you’re to drive.

I messaged Eleanor as she’d said she wasn’t well yesterday....but I didn’t hear from her. I did some gardening and then got it into my head that she was really ill. What if she had CV? All those times I’d assured her that she wouldn’t get it and there was no danger and now she has it and she might d ie and it would all be my fault because I’d said she wouldn’t get it. What did I know? Who the hell was I to spread round my thoughts about this thing when I know next to nothing about it? I worried and could think of nothing else at all.

She rang and she was her usual tired-out and headachey self which she has had for a long time and is seeing the doctor tomorrow anyway to get the result of a blood test. She hasn’t got CV.....or anything like it... But it shook me....nothing had happened, but it just shows that the smallest hint that someone is not well can put the most even tempered of people into a spin...

Tuesday 26 May 2020

Weather: No weather

Mood: Neutral

Journal

Terrible news from the US about the police killing of a black man in Minnesota. George Floyd died after being arrested by police outside a shop in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Footage shows a white officer, Derek Chauvin, kneeling on Mr Floyd’s neck for several minutes while he is pinned to the floor. Mr Floyd is heard repeatedly saying "I can’t breathe". He is pronounced dead later in hospital.

Despite the lockdown and the awful things we are having to go through, this has shocked people to the core. When will things change? I remember crying with joy when Obama was made President, I truly believed that ‘change gonna come’. But it would appear not… this brutal killing is unbelievable and unbearable to watch. Wednesday 27 May 2020 Weather: Sunny Mood: Unsure Journal We have been learning how to use all the aspects of Microsoft Teams and all our Team Meetings have now transferred from Skype for Business to this. This also means that we have Yammer. Yesterday I started a ‘Spoken Word’ group on this for recommendations of podcasts etc. Hope someone joins or I’ll look proper silly... Just had a WA message from Soph with a picture of her wearing her lanyard...so that means she’s going back to her work at her office today... Thursday 28 May 2020 Weather: Sunny Mood: Angry Journal Today the Welsh Government will meet over the lockdown rules. In Wales we are in full lockdown....here is an excerpt of my letter to Mr Gething. I cannot write anymore about this as it is making me obsessive and sometimes I can think of nothing else but the worry of it...(in particular the wearing of masks....horrible,

horrible things...) Dear Mr Gething I understand that today the Welsh Government will decide whether Wales is to continue with the current rules of lockdown or let them remain as they stand. I wrote to my own MP on this matter in early April expressing my deep concern for the impact that lockdown was having on the economy and health and well-being of our population. He told me that people had ‘willingly taken to lockdown’ and that businesses would ‘bounce back’. Please understand, none of us are doing this willingly and not one of us is ‘enjoying it’. Whilst the rainbows in the windows, the (utterly ridiculous) ‘Clap for the NHS’ and the attempts at online community singing might lull this who make these decisions to take away our freedoms into the false sense that we are ‘happy’ to do this....we are not. Yesterday there was a report that said the CV-19 was having a huge impact on the youth because of the lack of jobs, the interruption to their education and loss of social contact with their peers. I know of a young ex-soldier who, before CV suffering from PTSD, made himself homeless to try and make sense of his life. He eventually was helped by a charity and got a flat a good job and was back on track. He has now lost his job, can’t see his friends and has to once more face his demons alone. An elderly lady who has been diagnosed with terminal cancer unable to see her friends or family knowing she is to die soon has who is now determined to break the rules - preferring to risk getting CV so that she will be with her loved ones before she dies. For us on the border, the lockdown rules are totally confusing. All our lives the border has meant little or nothing to us, we barely noticed whether we were in England or Wales. Now it has a huge significance as we see friends and colleagues able to meet up whilst we are told we cannot.

Friday 29 May 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Journal

Friday!!...think I’ll treat myself to a cappuccino at Costas, an hour or so in the gym followed by a swim ...then a shopping trip to Chester. I’ll have lunch at a restaurant and then maybe have my hair done later. Then entertain BookClub at my house giving them all a hug when they walk in the house.....Saturday I’ll drive down to Spencer’s for a weekend of striding the Brecon Beacons and pub lunches. Sadly, these things are just a dream and some of them may never be possible ever again...... The lockdown rules are expected to be eased today to allow “People from two different households will be

able to meet outdoors from Monday, the Welsh Government will announce later. They will need to stay in their local area - within five miles as a "general rule" - and remain two metres apart.”

Friday 29th May 2020 I don’t know how I could have made more of my day off than I did yesterday. I did my 10 minute meditation before I got out of bed and had a breakfast of kefir sprinkled with muesli sitting in the sunshine on the deck. I always think that a ‘breakfast with sunglasses’ is a perfect way to start the day...finished off with a mug of de-caff coffee. Then I did my 15 minutes of yoga to accompaniment of the birds singing in the garden. I tidied and cleared up and boiled an egg for a sandwich to make later. Mowed the lawn and tended to the plants, deadheading the geums. They and the petunias in the front trough are practically the only flowers which are thriving. Despite replacing the compost, the geraniums I planted a few weeks ago remain just heaps of browning leaves. Joanna and Prue phoned and we had a catch up. I prepared my sandwich and coffee and water etc. And set off for Glyn Cieriog vaguely anxious in case I got stopped by the police or challenged in some way or that I was going to get lost. But those anxieties soon left me as I left the deserted village (so sad to see the abandoned pub - now up for Sale - and the shops and post office.) and set off up the lane to lead me upwards. As I walked I listened to ‘A Run in the Park’ which is a drama about some people who were running the ‘Couch to 5km’. I hadn’t realised until I write this that it must have been done post-lockdown as it was done as a series of soliloquies by each character....the fact that I hadn’t noticed is a tribute to the quality of the thing...but it was curiously unable to deliver the true spirit of ‘Couch to 5km’ . But still hugely enjoyable for me in my own little perfect world. Here is my view (pic) as I ate my sandwiches....while two beautiful horses grazed nearby. I then set off even further up the hill, climbing up a stony path until I reached sort of flat-topped summit with a small wood where I had the rest of my coffee and a KitKat (packed with a mini ice pack to save it melting in the heat ...anal or what?). I didn’t see one person until I got to Pant Farm after I descended the slope where I had to cross a few stiles (in my usual ungainly, clod-hopping manner). There was a young girl attending her horses and we swapped a friendly greeting. Then it was a long haul down a tarmaced lane, which I don’t usually enjoy...but this time....it was just so peaceful and warming....like bathing in warm water.....(pic) . I was listening to Brideshead by that time...my favourite part when Julia and Charles meet again on that Transatlantic crossing. (I love it but he is such a chauvinistic bastard it defies belief ). I had been slightly worried when I’d left my car in the middle of the village that it was a bit conspicuous- a passing policeman could have seen it and found out that I was far from home and I’d have a message to contact them when I got back to it. But no.

I went to the Garden Centre (which is actually in England - never realised that until now...never has the border been a consideration in my life). There were few people there...more eager staff shepherding us around than customers.... I had listened to R4 You & Yours that morning and they were talking about retail now that they are preparing to open the shops. They spoke to Shoppers in other Countries some of whom are rather reluctant to go back into the shops...I wonder if this was why the Garden Centre was empty.....? I just can’t get into the heads of healthy people who are scared to go shopping once the shops open. Shops will need so much support once this is over or they will be gone forever. Anyway, I did a few more shops on the way home and made a fish pies when I got home eating one and freezing the other. Soph had WA’ed to say that there was no travel to the UK until ‘after Summer’. The news from Wales on the lockdown is not much better. Members from 2 separate households can now meet, but only outdoor or in the garden and only if it is within 5 miles. Today in my peaceful and accepting mode, I have decided to stop being angry about all this (for now at least) it gets me nowhere and just makes me unhappy. I have done all that I can by writing to politicians and it is out my control. I cannot change these decisions. It will be over at some stage....’This Too Shall Pass’. I have had happy times, I have had sad, terrible times...they have all passed like water under a bridge. Nothing remains the same forever....at some time in the future I will see my children and I will see Spencer. It is not a war, they are not in mortal danger, we are not under threat of bombings or foreign invasion. Things are bad and may even get worse, but we cannot now or see into the future, so I just hang on to this....’this too shall pass’ .

Saturday 30 May 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Very Happy

Journal

07:22:31 Friday I don’t know how I could have made more of my day off than I did yesterday. I set off for Glyn Ceiriog vaguely anxious in case I got stopped by the police or challenged in some way or that I was going to get lost. But those anxieties soon left me as I left the deserted village (so sad to see the abandoned pub - now up for sale - and the shops and post office.) and set off up the lane to lead me upwards. I didn’t see one person until I got to Pant Farm after I descended the slope where I had to cross a few stiles (in my usual ungainly, clod-hopping manner). There was a young girl attending her horses and we swapped a friendly greeting. Then it was a long haul down a tarmaced lane, which I don’t usually enjoy...but this time....it was just so peaceful and warming....like bathing in warm water.....(pic) . I was listening to Brideshead by that time...my favourite part when Julia and Charles meet again on that Transatlantic

crossing. (I love it but he is such a chauvinistic bastard it defies belief ). I had been slightly worried when I’d left my car in the middle of the village that it was a bit conspicuous- a passing policeman could have seen it and found out that I was far from home (some 12 miles) and I’d have a message to contact them when I got back to it. But no.

Sunday 31 May 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Very Happy

Journal

Yesterday was hot and sunny. I asked Mavis if she’d like to come round for a coffee in honour of the new

‘rules’. Mavis has been sticking strictly to lockdown rules so it’s the first time she’s been out to see anyone.

It was good to see her, having only spoken to her since lockdown during our group BookClub sessions.

She is a piano teacher and she very quickly got set up to teach on WhatsApp...I was very impressed by

this. She says that lockdown has actually given her a lot more time to play the piano for herself. I asked her

a lot about that...imagine having that to turn to music whenever you wanted....I do envy people wh o can

play an instrument.

The Archers tweetalong today. Although what it will be like with this new ‘monologue’ style Archers... I can’t

imagine. Be interesting to see what people think....I find it slightly boring, but I think that’s because you

have to pay much more attention to it....and concentrate. I think they are doing the best they can under the

circumstances, but it’s no good pretending it’s just the same, because it just isn’t.

When I got home, I rang Samuel (my son) and we had a good long chat. I had sent them my diary entry for

Friday as a bit of a change for them and so that they could see how my days are and how things are here

on the border. Samuel had sent me a lovely long email back describing his day...which was great and such

a different way to know about their routines.

He also suggested that I submit my ramblings to one of the various bodies who are collecting

‘coronadiaries’...which are a bit like the Mass Observation Diaries collected during WW2. Which I have

done....

So the day was not a complete waste of time and we have made a plan for me to go up to Lancaster to see

them next weekend - (travel in England being less restricted now and me being around 5 miles from the

border) which I am thrilled about.

June 2020

In which I have a bad ear and am furloughed for 3 weeks. I go shopping, weight up the implications of flying

to Copenhagen and break a few rules by at last getting on the road to see people. I also fear a future where

everyone will be made to wear masks.

Monday 1 June 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Very Happy

Journal

Day off today. I’d woken a bit later than usual, so was late getting up but thought I’d try the doctors as my right ear is no better. Got through and they said the doctor would phone me later. Eleanor and I met up and went for a walk and a picnic in Erddig - as the new lockdown rules allow us to do. It was a glorious, relaxing time and we put the world to rights as usual as old mates do.

Tuesday 2 June 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Neutral

Today’s plans...

I just can’t settle to other tasks when I am supposed to be working. It was a very tedious day and got very little done. It has struck me though that this is what lockdown has done...Rather than us having to go around achieving - we now need to be content with doing very little...it’s almost respected. Patience and not wanting to go back to work is not as frowned upon as it used to be. But I for one, find doing nothing quite difficult...although I am ‘never bored & never lonely’ I came close to it today.

Journal

Lockdown is gradually easing in England, there is some talk of schools are going back and shops are opening on June 15th - although not in Wales of course. But there is much talk of people being worried that the lockdown has ended too soon and this will kill more people....Eleanor says her WhatsApp friends (who are not a group of women I have much to do with) are all talking about wearing masks and even wearing gloves, which are proven to be absolutely useless for general public.... But of course I can’t see any problem with lockdown ending....I want to support those who are opening their shops and get out there and spend so that they can remain in business.

Wednesday 3 June 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Neutral

It’s funny, years ago we were advised never to DIY anything to do with ears, now they’re positively

encouraging it.... Disappointingly the doctor has given me a large rubber bulb that holds water that you

have the gently squirt into your ear to get the wax out. Anyway, I guess I’ll have to try to do it myself, but it’s

a bit difficult when you’re totally alone....

Journal Had a dreadful shock whilst I was on my walk yesterday. Sarah sent me a photo of her and the girls wearing face masks..... I was completely horrified... I immediately went into a meltdown (in my head). I can’t go to see them at the weekend if they are going to be wearing masks. What if they make me wear one? I’ll refuse..I’ll just tell them I can’t go..I’ll kick off. I feel so strongly about this...etc. etc. I calmed down later as I applied the mediation techniques I’ve been learning since lockdown doing a daily mediation on CALM. Yes, it is an abomination to see my darling beautiful granddaughters’ beautiful faces covered up with masks... particularly when they do no good whatsoever and prevent nothing. I deleted the photograph immediately and did not comment....if I had it would have been something rude and unreasonable. They just make the wearers uncomfortable, give breathing difficulties lowering the oxygen in the blood and give bacteria a lovely warm, moist place in which to multiply in the nasal passages. But if it’s what they want to do, it’s up to them and there is no point my saying anything. They are frightful useless panic-inducing things.... I almost have a phobia about them…but I must not talk myself into this as it maybe at some stage that I will have to wear one and I’ll just have to do it. The thought fills me with utter dread.....

Thursday 4 June 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Neutral

How am I looking after my body today?

The DIY ear syringe didn’t work and at one stage I ended up deaf in both ears! I’ll keep trying, but I think a plan b needs to be undertaken.

Positive things about yesterday

Lovely email from Sarah in response to my ‘Journal’ email. In it she said - “Kaylee, I am really so proud of you. Going up hills by yourself, taking care to eat properly and be in the moment... so many humans could really do with your attitude!”

Friday 5 June 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Wondering

Journal

It’s Friday The weather has been absolutely awful...blowing a gale and occasional rain....not good for running or even walking. I was determined I was going to go out as I thought it couldn’t last like that for long and made my sandwiches. I have avoided doing very much in work all morning, doing stuff around the house with occasional forays into things like Social Media for work rather than the other way round i.e. bits of housework fitting around my paid employment. No-one has phoned or seems to have noticed I’m not there, but we’ve just had a message to the whole team from my Line Manager Liz to ask if she can do a ‘quick call’ at 1.30. So I have of course said yes, but I wonder what it’s for?

The announcement has been made that will are to be furloughed for 3 weeks from 10th June. It’s welcome news of course.

Saturday 6 June 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Neutral

Positive things about yesterday

I have to take the news about being furloughed as a positive thing....and it is. Three weeks complete holiday with full pay.... The huge lift in my mood after talking to CB, SO and other team members and colleagues. Journal Going to see N&N today and of course the children. I am stretching the CV rules a little, it’s going to be crap being with someone else and abiding by their ‘rules’. I probably won’t be able to hug the girls or N&N - but as I am staying the night with them this will probably be relaxed as it is a tiny house and any social distancing will tend to be perfunctory. But of course it will be wonderful to see them....I just hope there aren’t any awkward moments. Masks My personal nightmare is coming true.... “Face coverings are to become compulsory for people using public transport in England from Monday 15 June.” Although currently, the Welsh government does not ask for people to wear non-clinical face coverings - saying it is a "matter of personal choice". You bet your fucking life it is....horrible, horrible things

This is awful, awful news...I am very upset by this...the very sight of them makes me shudder and want to rip them off people. You can’t see their faces or expressions or anything about them....it’s just terrible. I expect that pretty soon you will get called out for not wearing them.... Again, this is something over which I have no control whatsoever....But I shall hold out for as long as I can and if I have to will wear a bandana around my neck and pull it up if really forced to. As it is enforceable on Public Transport I won’t use Public Transport. I won’t be wearing anything sanitised or clinical...neither will I be making a pretty one - to show what jolly fun this all is.... The whole thing just vile horrible news which makes me want to hide in a hole until this is all over... ************ Furlough So it’s clear now that I will not be needed in work ...I won’t be of any use to in my job as a Fundraiser for a few weeks. And I totally understand that...I do worry about all that money (the Government are currently paying 80% or my wages and RBL will pay the rest) & where on Earth it will come from. The scheme comes to an end at the end of June (I think) so this is why it’s been imposed now. How will I be using the time? Well, I won’t learn a language or to play an instrument or even do very much I suppose. Just stuff for me...the garden a bit, painting the fence, cleaning a bit. It will be good without the frustrations and annoyances of work to content with too.... Carrying on with my yoga and meditation...... Lots of walks....learning how to find new ones. Run - of course! Try to get to 4 km continuous running comfortably. I can go to England and meet with my work colleague SO and when the weather is better, meet with Georgie...(that won’t be easy as she wants to keep to strict social distancing). Yes, get that fence painted at last

Sunday 7 June 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Positive things about yesterday

The hugs and the love and the wonderfully messy loving place that is home to my son’s family The freedom of motorway driving again….

Journal Well, yesterday was so wonderful...really, it was. I was a bit apprehensive about travelling as well as just getting over the border the fact that I was staying the night was also pretty much against the rules. On the way I stopped at the new Shell garage which has (almost impossibly) been built .. was just brilliant to be flying down the M56 motorway again giving the car its much needed fast run... I stopped at the services – (my old work stomping ground) to eat some sandwiches and drink my coffee. M&S was open, and the toilets and that’s about it...except for ...Mcdonalds. There was a huge queue of cars for that! Arrived at about 3 and I needn’t have worried about how things were going to be. My son Samuel greeted me at the door with a huge and ready hug and the girls ran to me with a big hug too. It was so lovely. We chatted all day and it’s clear he’s missed me so much as I have them of course. They have done so much work in the garden and he’s extended it to encompass a lawn at the end and little terraces.

Sarah brought some ready cooked chickens from Booths which we feasted on and he entertained us …… by just being himself, funny sweet kind ...he’s such a brilliant brilliant person and loved so much by Sarah and the girls and me of course. 22:43:13 We had another lovely day today. spent a long time trying to get my ear cleared of wax, but no joy I’m afraid. After a roast dinner of a leg of Saltmarsh lamb, we went for a walk along the canal and the girls had their bikes. It all felt very natural and fine for me to be there, but a friend phoned me and expressed surprise that I’d stayed the night, truth was, I hadn’t even thought about it really.... I’m not really sure how my staying at their house puts anyone in any danger.... Anyway, got home without incident at about 6.30pm. Monday 8 June 2020 Weather: Cloudy Mood: Happy Journal It occurs to me that I might be a bit unpopular because I’ve have been to see my granddaughters and stayed overnight, so I’ll have to play it down and lie a little today. But so be it, it was worth it. Tuesday 9 June 2020 Weather: Cloudy Mood: Very Happy

Journal

It’s something I am starting (at my age!) to learn to do.....if I start to go into that dark place...or my mind starts saying negative things which may or may not be true....ignore unhelpful thoughts....If they don’t bring anything to the situation (meeting, relationship, problem, issues) not only don’t say anything, but actually ACT THE PART: Act as though it’s perfectly fine. There is no problem here: the likelihood is that there probably isn’t anyway (it’s in my head, or totally meaningless to anyone but me) or that it doesn’t really matter.... It’s clear that everyone is putting their own interpretation to the CV Social Distancing rules. Some like Joan and Hilary regard them as completely sacrosanct. Joan not seeing her daughter for weeks and weeks even though she lives just a few minutes away. Hilary planning how she can go to Bristol to see her much-loved new grandson. She is thinking that she can do the 4 hours + journey there and back in a day. Which she would do and sit in the garden and not touch the baby, but just look at him from a distance. To prevent this marathon drive she can stay with some cousins down there who she knows have an annex...they could leave this open for her to go into so that doesn’t have to be near them. She can bring her own food and not use their bathroom and keep touching anything to a minimum.... What the fuck?? Is she nuts? Other people are being more relaxed about things. They keep to strict Social Distancing rules when in public, where people can see them. But in reality they are going to people’s houses for drinks - ignoring the fact that they should be in the garden. But this is out of sight of others.

A friend popped round yesterday (she was upset about something and we talked it through). Her attitude is much like the above, but this is because she has been doing her job as a Civil Servant at The Job Centre (or whatever its called now) during this whole period. Hilary and Joan have been isolated at home since the beginning ....that is the difference.

Although I have not been working from home, I have been out everyday in some capacity or other and have now been on a long trip and it was fine. I repeat, I am not scared of this virus. I do not believe that it is very common and therefore is not easy to catch. I don’t see how a woman like Hilary cannot cuddle her tiny grandson, or why Joan and her husband should not have their daughter over for dinner....in the house. So, so many people are (on the quiet) relaxed about the rules and seeing family members, friends etc. in their houses. Although of course those in the public eye, particularly the politicians (Dominic Cummings for one) cannot be seen to been breaking Social Distancing rules.

However, radio DJs who do dedications are particularly good at pretending that we are rigorously sticking to the rules ....”A call out to Neris, who has now been able to take her new born baby son 200 miles to meet her Dad on his 60th birthday – maintaining the 2 metres rule of course! So Dad could look but not touch his brand new baby grandson. Sitting under a gazebo in the pouring rain wrapped in blankets eating barbecue

sausages, maintaining Social Distancing, before driving the 200 miles back again. Best birthday celebration EVER!” Yeh, right....I’m sure that happened....

Or “Big shout-out to the enterprising woman who has made a ‘suit out of a transparent shower curtain so that she could hug her neighbour over the garden fence’. If I got stopped by the police e.g. for driving the 100 miles to Spencer’s I might get fined and sent home...I feel that is unlikely and am therefore willing to take the risk at some stage.

If I got stopped for suspected *drinking and driving (I don’t drink so this is hypothetical) I would be banned from driving and hit on my car insurance for years....huge difference.

Come to think of it, this is similar to when they first introduced the drink/drive laws....and society’s attitude to it...the goodies who stuck to it rigidly and the ones who saw it as a rough guideline. Although its very different now of course….

Wednesday 10 June 2020 Furlough Day 1

Journal

07:38:53 First day of lockdown furlough today......weird. No work. Of course I never leap out of bed for work anyway and it is slightly different when you work from home anyway, but there have been times when work is a real pressure. Particularly when I was doing things that are out of my comfort zone like arranging The Fundraising Walk. My God, I hated every minute of that. Walking 6 miles around the city visiting businesses and cafes to ask if they would support it...and none of them would. I got just 1 Estate Agent and 1 Cafe to help after visiting all the businesses I could find. It was so hard and I hated every minute of that. It was a hard, hard time... So I’m going to Georgies today for a walk and a picnic. She is one of the ones who is very nervous about CV and I know that she will not be comfortable with me if I tell her I have visited Samuel or if I get close to her in anyway. I did explain to her that I believe that the chances of getting CV are very low, but I know that she would be unhappy if I got within 2 metres of her, so be it. It will be good to see her

There have (quite rightly in my opinion) been riots and much dissent about the killing by police of a young black man George Floyd in America on 25th May in Minneapolis. The ‘Black Lives Matter’ protests have been taking place all over America and the UK, despite lockdown and more or less flouting Social Distancing rules. Georgies son and his girlfriend who live in Bristol took part in them. Although Georgie was proud of her son for taking part she was very worried about the lack of Social Distancing. She let her feelings be known about this on a family call with him and his girlfriend’s (actively left wing) family. She was worried that she had come across as a racist old woman.

Of course everyone has an opinion about it and FaceBook is particularly vile with posts and counter-posts about the whole thing. Many believing that because the protesters have flouted the rules more lives will now be lost to CV. We shall see...... I had a good 2-3 hour walk with Georgie and we talked and walked and made sure to maintain the distancing between us. I did gently suggest that she may be a little more wary of it because she’s not been out, but left it at that. It’s crazy to go out with a good friend who has been nowhere and lives alone when I have done nothing that would give me real exposure to the virus and sit at opposite ends of a park bench....Walking we kept a distance between us, me walking in the road nervously watching out for cars etc.

11 June 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Very Happy

Journal

It looks like the weather is going to be getting wetter as the day goes on so I think I’ll do my run fairly early

today. Then I can get some plans in place for the rest of the day.

Yesterday as I drove up to Georgies, I stopped off at the Services to see if I could get a coffee. There was

just the Spar and the toilets open. Pret, Macdonalds, Costas, all the other concessions were closed....for

some reason this was really depressing and upsetting. I guess I’m there a lot when I work and now it’s

abandoned...things are a long way from normal yet.

I was listening to Woman’s Hour. As I mentioned previously all media are banging home the Social

Distancing message and no hint is ever given of anyone breaking the rules on the media. There is a feature

a called Corona Diaries which talks to different people about their experiences during this time.

Today was about a lady who lives with her teenage family in Melbourne who was preparing to move back

to the UK permanently. She has elderly parents in London as was hopeful that she would get here soon.

When she does she said it was going to be so hard not to hug her parents, who she hasn’t seen for 6

years.

Then there was an item on hugging and the lack of hugs that we are getting - particularly those of us who

live alone. Very tearful and upset seemingly sane people making sure not to touch people they love.

Yesterday, the rules in England have changed...more households can meet ...its all pretty complex as

usual.

I have noticed that in Wrexham we have had 595 CASES out of a population of 139,000 .....that equates to

.4% of the population. There have been 55 deaths.

My daughter Soph who lives in Copenhagen sent me a message to say that from this Monday the Danish

government is allowing lovers, as well as grandparents and children, from other EU countries and the UK to

enter its borders.

It’s a strange thing that I would describe myself as someone who adores my weekends by myself and relish

being alone, but now that life is just one long weekend because of furlough, I just didn’t feel the same.

Cloudy dull weather doesn’t usually make me feel down and then it went onto rain so any prospect of a

lunchtime picnic was out....also of course it was a low calorie day, so that didn’t help.

Friday 12 June 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Very Happy

How am I looking after my body today?

17,508 steps yesterday 6 hours 15 mins sleep 1 hour 12 min awake & 20 mins deep

Some notes about my health since lockdown and therefore my running and walking regime:

My weight is down to 9st 4lbs. I think this is fairly well established and equates to 2 lbs weight loss.... I still maintain my 5:2 based eating habit Interesting to note that my resting heart rate has gone down in the past few weeks.... 18th - 24th May it was between 66-63 bpm 25th-31st May it was 59-61 bpm Last week 60 - 57 bpm.... My heart rate is rated as ‘excellent for a woman of my age’. “When it comes to resting heart rate, lower is better. It usually means your heart muscle is in better condition and doesn’t have to work as hard to maintain a steady beat.“ I do like the word ‘excellent’ to start my day. Money issues Actually have my left in my current account and its pay day on Monday. Saturday 13 June 2020 Weather: Sunny Mood: Wondering Journal I spoke to Louise as I’d sent her my heart graph to encourage her to carry in running and she’d replied to say that she had ‘lost all motivation to do anything sadly’ then ‘can’t tell if it’s the peri menopause, lockdown

or just boredom’. So I rang her. She is fed up. They have no idea when the children are going back to school and little Isla is in a mood because she misses school, bugs have been eating her lovely veg and her own Mum is being extremely strict about lockdown so it’s very difficult to see her. Louise’s Mum has decided that she cannot see anyway out of her lockdown situation. She has had asthma in the past and a slight heart condition, but she is determined that she is at risk and will not go out will not go out until there is a vaccine even said that if it takes 2 years! She did however consent to have Louise round to visit with the children and made sure that they maintained Social Distancing, having them in the garden and even made them sit of sheets which could be washed as soon as they’d gone. So no hugs for Louise! While I don’t wish to criticise her Mum - she is doing what she feels it right and would not feel comfortable going out. Didn’t feel too good all day. Knew I had a few things to do, but didn’t get round to doing any of them. Went to bed for an hour at around 2-3 then went out for a walk to Erddig as the weather was very good.

Sunday 14 June 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Wondering

Journal Not 100% sure what was wrong yesterday. I knew I had lots of things that needed doing, but none of them seemed to entice me to do them. I clearly need to be a little more proactive about filling my days. Then I phoned my mother in law (now in her mid-90s with very poor eyesight). The good news about her eyes not getting any worse is heartening. I shall try and get to see her as soon as they ease the lockdown. However she said that her friend had already been to see her with her own chair and sat in the front garden while my mother in law sat by the front door...I don’t think I could do that…it would just be fucking stupid as its on a main road and the traffic would make conversation difficult. Then I phone Samuel and Sarah whose Anniversary it was - 5 years. That has gone...well, neither quickly nor slowly. It’s only as I write this now that I realise it is another anniversary...it is exactly 5 years ago to today that I finally decided, after 37 years I’d had enough of being married and ended it. Made a parcel of goodies for Isabel and Eliza and took part in The Archers Tweetalong, although The Archers has been completely ruined by CV. Instead of the actors being together and having 2-way conversations they talk alone and in their heads…supposedly their thoughts, but it is difficult to listen to and requires far more concentration.

Monday 15 June 2020 Furloughed

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

Journal

I woke earlyish and listened to Nicola Walker in ‘Annika Stranded’, which is a quirky short (15 min) little R4 drama in which she plays a Norwegian detective. She is the only one in it, but it is such a clever little drama that I immediately woke in a better mood and even better a First Aid Kit track is the theme music. So a better start to the day...I realise that it’s a Monday and I don’t have any work to go to or get involved in.

Furlough notes

My first Monday on furlough and I felt a bit more upbeat than I have over the weekend. The whole day is mine....Slightly apprehensive about going to visit S as it is a long, long way....148 Miles. But it’s mainly motorway and it will be good to drive. It’s certainly too long a drive to do there and back in a day, so I am going to stop over. I pack my rucksack rather than a suitcase just in case I get caught by the police and it looks as if I am going away for an overnight stay. Apart from that, once I am in England I can travel as far as I like to meet her ‘for a walk’ so long as we ‘keep 2 meters apart’ and only ‘meet outdoors’. Got there ok, but on the way a curious thing..... slightly puzzled though by one of the services. The predictable one way system in and out, big burly security guy with mask standing with crossed arms watching us go into the toilets....In the toilets all the wash hand basins were deliberately taped up with a sign that they were not to be used!!! ?? So used the loo and had no way of washing my hands….Weird....

******************* I found some flights to Copenhagen yesterday in July at quite a good price. But I can’t work out what the rules are. I think I would have to isolate for 14 days when I got back. That is, not go out AT ALL for shopping, exercise or anything... That is inhuman and like a prison sentence. I love my daughter and am dying to see her...but that would be a huge sacrifice. I simply wouldn’t do it and just hope I didn’t get caught. It is a dilemma...and I just can’t think what I can do about it....I shall certainly have to do some deep thinking....

16 June 2020

Weather: Lightning

Mood: Happy

Journal

Drove home got in about 12.30pm and went for a run. Then had a shower and washed and dried my hair. Sat by the patio window resting for a while and putting together the CV diaries for May.

Really enjoyed a fantastic thunder storm- even better than Sunday’s. Made a fish pie. Spoke to Spencer and the to other friends.

Furlough notes

Feeling pretty upbeat about my time off now and enjoying the freedom staying overnight at S’s, Phoned my manager to ask how she would feel about my working if I had to quarantine after going to CPH in July. She said that would be fine as she didn’t imagine that we would be about of lockdown by then anyway. The shops opened yesterday in England (but not in Wales) and the early reports are that footfall is around 40% of the usual. I spoke to one of the girls about it. She commented on seeing a guy from Liverpool on the tv ‘putting his daughter’s life at risk’ by queuing up at Primark to buy her hair bobbles. She just has been locked down for so long that she doesn’t understand that there is very little danger to the child and that all the shops will have put things in place to make sure that people keep to Social Distancing.

Because she’s not been to a supermarket in months - since all this began - she simply does not know what it’s like. Everyone now is more used to it and there should be no problem. Besides we need to get the economy back on its feet. Spoke to E and she is a lot more realistic about going to into England reasoning that she is within a 5mile radius of the border- (but a lot longer by road). Tying herself in knots to justify going for a walk with friend ‘near the border’. But of course keeping to the ‘within 5 miles’ rule. I told everyone I spoke to tonight that I would be going to see Spencer. He lives 100 miles away. New lockdown easing rules for Wales are going to be introduced on Friday, but we both know that allowin g us to travel 100 miles won’t be one of them, so I’ll just go anyway.

Wednesday 17 June 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

Positive things about yesterday

The tiny car park has been opened after being unaccountably closed by the police at the start of lockdown. Surely a sign of things opening up again? Another glorious wonderful thunderstorm which I was able to watch from my window....fabulous! Feeling upbeat and optimistic and enjoying my time off.

During my chat with E, she said that she agreed with what I had said all along - that the most distressing thing about this CV situation is people’s unkindness to each other. While this is not in itself a good th ing, her approval on my views means a lot.

Journal

Furlough notes...

Still deliberating on whether to fly to CPH. Although I miss the whole experience of flying, this would not be anything like the usual experience. Masks, masks and more masks, queues, one way systems, being herded like cattle by bossy staff...no, I don’t really need that. Interesting when I was talking to S in Yorkshire about her shopping experiences. In Yorkshire she said that supermarket (Tesco) staff were bossy, rude and monosyllabic. She also said that when she went to a Garden Centre they asked what she was going to buy and was told to go into the shop alone - leaving her daughter and granddaughter outside- and to buy what she wanted and leave. That is nothing like the shops around here. In Wrexham my experience is that they are polite, friendly with big smiles on their faces and everyone is very cheerful and ready to chat. At the one Garden Centre I have been to they encouraged browsing and again where overly helpful and chatty....amazing the difference and so being dictatorial and not allowing browsing is obviously something individual shops decide is their style. Thursday 18 June 2020 Weather: Rainy Mood: Happy Furlough musings.. Brecon, South Wales We had thought that if I was going to break the rules and drive the 100 miles through Wales to see him I should do so at a time when the roads were at their busiest. Also avoiding a weekend, so I set off at 7am and arrived - with only a short stop to drink from my own flask and eat some egg sandwiches - at 10. I saw no police or had any difficulties at all. I parked behind the house (which is huge and in its own grounds), so will not be seen by anyone except the postman. We have had a good stress free day, despite the severe restrictions to access to the Beacons National Park. It’s hugely sad to see all the lay-bys blocked off and the National park empty of any sign of activity. We went to Merthyr Tydfil shopping for food. There is an M&S there at the retail park. To my chagrin there was a queue to get into the shop and another one to get into the Food Hall. Up until now I have made sure that I have never queued in shops or supermarkets and have not done so once.

We were directed by the sweet natured security staff and everyone took it in their stride as they are obviously used to it by now....whereas I of course am not. But this took us about 20 minutes before we could get to do any shopping. I took up the time by buying some running trousers leaving Spencer with the trolley. We took a lovely long route back to Brecon which took us along the reservoir. We had heard there may be a slight easing to lockdown in the Beacons and indeed there was. There was a sign headed ‘Welcome Back’ with a list of some rules and regulations. We did giggle over the ‘don’t linger in the car park’ message but it was rather friendly I thought after all the bad feeling there had been.

Friday 19 June 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Very Happy

COVID Comments

Wales lockdown rules have eased, but not much. From the BBC website: But rules that require people to stay in their local area, within five miles as a guide, will stay for now. It comes as the first minister made several major changes to lockdown laws. From Monday, visits beyond people's local area on compassionate grounds, such as to family, care homes or young offender institutions, will be allowed. On the same day: Retailers can open, with social distancing measures in place Private prayer can take place in places of worship Restrictions on outdoor sports courts will be lifted for non-contact sports Non-professional elite athletes can resume training House viewings in vacant properties and home moves will also be allowed, restarting the housing market. But rules stating you can only meet one other household outdoors remain in place. The Welsh Government has also signalled when the country's tourism sector can reopen - with trips to outdoor tourist attractions from 6 July - and bookings for self-contained accommodation can start to be made from 13 July. Schools in Wales are also due to reopen on 29 June. Despite the changes, clothes retailer Primark said it would not reopen on Monday. Meanwhile the Welsh Conservatives called for the five-mile advice to be withdrawn "now". *********** We have had a COVID free day. We went for a walk through the forestry path again, but a long way up it for about 4km. We went into Brecon town so that I could do a run along the canal tow path. It was ideal as of course it’s flat and good and soft underfoot. There were few people about except some men drinking Cafe#1 coffee hanging about outside the abandoned theatre.

After some encouragement from Soph, I have at last booked to go to Copenhagen on 17th July as Denmark is ‘opening up’ according to her. I had thought that the flights I’d found before were sold out, but SkyScanner was showing that Ryanair are now doing MAN-CPH flights. Odd time to start a new route.... but it has been confirmed and anyway it was very cheap - £20!

Monday 22 June 2020

Furloughed thoughts...

After weeks of being cooped up in Wrexham a break in Brecon was just what I needed, also being with someone who never questions my decisions. Love and warmth and proper human contact are one of the requirements for a happy balanced life. I got back from Brecon driving through England. I did this by driving North East to cross the border by Hay on Wye and then through Leominster, Ludlow, Shrewsbury and Whitchurch....thus not breaking any CV ‘rules’ until I got to the Welsh border again, which is 11 miles from home. Not a sign or a whisper of any road blocks or even sight of police anywhere. Word is that there has been a small rise in cases here in Wrexham - cases not deaths - at some food factories. What saddens me is that there is an attitude from some that this means that its ‘all the Polish immigrants’ who are responsible for its spread and so avoiding shops like Lidl is a good idea. It makes me so mad that people can be so judgemental and make such assumptions. However, shops are opening around the town. There are calls for the 2 metre rule to be relaxed to 1 metre so that pubs and restaurants can open. But there are still a lot of people who are literally terrified to leave their homes. Some people that Eleanor is friendly with on WA are talking about wearing masks and gloves before they step foot outside. For me, it’s business as usual. Wednesday 24 June 2020 Weather: Sunny Mood: Happy Journal I can’t believe that there is just one week left of furlough! I don’t seem to have achieved anything very much, (although there is still time! ) but it has been most enjoyable. Thursday 25 June 2020 Weather: Sunny Mood: Happy Journal My body is in a right flabby state at the moment.....I need the gym! But alas, although there is now more

relaxing of the rules with pubs and restaurants able to open (with restrictions) on 4th July. Everyone wearing masks of course....you can’t see any smiles or expressions....it’s ghastly......

Friday 26 June 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

Journal

It’s Friday!! Very odd and seemingly paradoxical headlines about Covid-19 at the moment.

Weekly cases of Covid-19 have INCREASED in the Europe for the first time in months, as lockdown restrictions continue to be eased.

Reports of crowds, traffic gridlock, illegal overnight camping, anti-social behaviour and fights, as the UK temperatures rose (it was 28 degrees yesterday) prompting Bournemouth Christchurch and Poole Council to declare a major incident. Brixton has also been in the headlines after an unlicensed street party turned violent on Wednesday evening.

The details are still being finalised but it looks as though UK holidaymakers will be able to travel to most of Western Europe this summer without having to quarantine.

Pubs and restaurants will more easily be able to turn pavements, terraces and even car parks into outdoor drinking and dining areas to boost the hospitality industry in England and Wales. Could civil unrest on the South Coast and in Brixton be a symptom of the frustration that people have been feeling having been in lockdown for so long? Their patience is wearing thin. Many people are now only paying lip service to the rules as the majority of people have yet to see evidence of the virus with our own eyes. If you don’t know anyone whose had it or been affected yourself it’s difficult to see why you should maintain Social Distancing and easy to justified why the rules don’t apply to you. Also doesn’t the first point about CV cases increasing as lockdown eases strike alarm into those who run the country? Or do the signs of civil unrest alarm the Government even more and make them realise that you can’t keep people cooped up forever......? Lockdown, and in particular, keeping people from their families is against all human nature and it was a pressure cooker situation. In the good old days when all we had to worry about was being attractive to others and well-liked we were told to smile. Smile at the shopkeeper, smile at a stranger to brighten their day, smile, smile smile...in just makes the place a happier place. . Now of course this has all gone....

The number of people wearing masks is not high at the moment, but there will be places where it is

mandatory (such as in Manchester airport and on the plane to Denmark). The world will indeed be a duller

place. It is impossible to gauge people’s moods or anything about them if they are wearing masks. It has

been said that it’s like using a chain link fence to stop a mosquito and it lowers blood oxygen levels and

increases bacteria in the nasal passages.....but still they are worn.

Saturday 27 June 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Wondering

Journal

Went shopping with Denise yesterday. We had a coffee at my house first and then a good goss and we bought a few things. Many of which I’ll need to take back today, as we couldn’t try them on. It was ok - staff were clearly on edge in Debenhams, but as the whole chain is on its knees and is under threat of closure, you’d have thought that they’d be happy to get back to selling stuff. But I found the restrictions there just one step too far....although of course I kept to the rules. Spent around £70 there....but will probably take half of that back. Matalan was better. People were more relaxed and there was even a small queue at the till.... spent around £30 there.. Went up to Llangollen - the back way just in case the police were on the A5....Sat in the garden of the large beautiful house that they normally rent out over the Summer with Denise and her son as they were getting it ready for their first visitors since lockdown began. First visitors arrive 17th July so Denise has a few weeks to sort it out. As it is a good 12 miles from where they live they have not been able to do get there to do any maintenance on it for weeks so there is a lot to be done. Ritta was supposed to be coming up..but she didn’t. Saying it was ‘too hot’. We realised afterwards that it was probably to avoid going out and me in particular as I’d been down to Spencer’s – and while I may not agree, I can understand this. She is over-70 and has a lung condition, so best to ‘be safe’ as the oft- repeated phrase says. I need to be more mindful of people’s feelings about this whole thing. The fact that my instincts are than statistically I am highly unlikely to have come into contact with it are something I have to keep to myself, as many people don’t feel like that. Then I went into town. Parking is free but, even for 3.30 the shops were deserted. I took just one item back to Debenhams (even though I’m not mad about the other stuff I bought). I had another look round, but it is very difficult and well, just not the same if you can’t try anything on. There aren’t even many mirrors around either...they seem to have taken most of those down too. I did buy a beautiful pair of leather casual lace up trainers in Clark’s. I was at least allowed to try them on. Then I walked right up to the top of town to buy an actual book from Waterstones. Had a Zoom call with Spencer’s family which was really difficult as they kept running out of things to say. I mentioned that I’d been shopping - as I feel that this is doing my bit for the economy. But they looked at me

as though they think I’m joking...Like really I’m just one of those women who lives to shop, maxing out her credit card on useless and unneeded items because I’m a shopaholic...when nothing could be further from the truth.

I wrote the above without a hint of irony, even though it occurs to me that I have a garage full of cardboard boxes discarded after my many purchase from Amazon… but, well I need stuff you know?

Sunday 28 June 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Wondering

Journal

On Friday when Denise had invited me to go up to Llan she had asked Ritta as well. But she had cried off, saying it was too hot. As she had done with me the day before not coming for a walk with me. I realise now, as Denise pointed out, that it could be that Ritta is scared that I may be ‘infectious’ because I went to see Spencer. I may have mentioned that he hadn’t been too well recently although of course it wasn’t CV. I have to understand why people would feel like this and it may also be the case when I come back from CPH. People just don’t want to take the risk...but won’t come out and say it. I always try to respect people’s feelings as far as CV is concerned but this is on another level. I feel like I should have a bell to ring.

It’s not as if in 14 days time when I don’t develop any symptoms of the virus I can say, ‘ah HA! You were wrong! I KNEW I didn’t have it!’ They would just simply say they were being cautious... The situation with Ritta is difficult I can’t just send her a message and say I understand why she doesn’t want to see me, as it sounds wingey and as though I don’t understand. The same with Georgie....I didn’t foresee this when I went to Brecon or when I mentioned that Spencer had not been feeling well....I usually just say what’s in my head at the time and this is the consequence. I may as well go into self-isolation as none of my friends or family now want to see me....even Denise had it in her mind I think on Friday as we sat outside. The only person who doesn’t give it a thought is Eleanor and probably SO.... Which is a horrible situation..... I hadn’t realised that going to see Spencer would have such a consequence. So I got some food (I’d missed lunch) and rang Georgie and we had a long and really in-depth chat. She’s been feeling down again, so didn’t feel like talking to anyone last night . I mentioned that maybe she was wary of meeting me because I had gone down to Spencer’s and she said it hadn’t occurred to her....but we agreed to meet after a week tomorrow to be sure about it. So once again it is proved that things may not be as they appear at first and never to jump to conclusions.

Tuesday 30 June 2020 Last day of Furlough

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

Journal I feel pretty good and optimistic about things (in my own little world) today. I’ve not selected ‘very happy’ because it is the last day of furlough today and I have (apart from a bit of a bleak few days at the start) enjoyed it as I got into my routines. 22:24:10 An excellent day in which I achieved a lot. My run was really good. Not pushing myself and going a little slower, but felt invigorated and good. It would seem that the secret to this whole running thing is finding your own pace and the rhythm which suits you. Also I took a less linear route and did a circuit.

My friend and colleague Wendy rang me and we chatted for ages. We are both in agreement that we’re not particularly looking forward to Furlough ending but more confident and relaxed now about having nothing to do..... I listened to BBC R4’s ‘You and Yours’ which had a phone-in about going abroad. Tomorrow there is supposed to be more news about these ‘air corridors’ opening up between countries. But Greece is now changing its mind about having Brits over because there has been a ‘flare-up’ of cases (no deaths, although there has been an increase of 155 death across the UK from last week) in Leicester. About half of those who phoned in said they won’t be going overseas this year, some because they are scared of the virus and others because of environmental issues. It made me think, as there was a guy who was in Spain and he said it was fine there, but the wearing of masks outside is almost mandatory...and also the presenter of the programme said that of course you won’t be able to get Travel insurance and that you have to fill in an on-line form and then you get a recorded delivery letter when you get home which tells you what you are allowed to do. So it looks as though I would have to be in self isolation for 2 weeks...I would not be able to do anything at all.... . Well, what they said about the Travel insurance was bollocks I paid £26 and got Insurance with no problems. As regards the self isolation....well, that is a different matter....I will have to think long and hard about that one...as I cannot stay in....not for a day. Never mind a whole 2 weeks...What about exercise ffs? I tried to call Soph but she had her Spanish lesson...I think unless they ease the rules I’m going to have to cancel it. I just cannot, will not stay in for 14 days as quarantine when I return.

July 2020

In which there is a worrying rise in the wearing of the dreaded face masks.

I fly to Copenhagen, stop listening to the news, have my gorgeous granddaughters to stay and go to the

seaside.

Wednesday 1st July

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Unhappy

Journal Much as I want to go to CPH and see Soph, I really don’t think I can go. It would seem that I will be policed to make sure that I’m not breaking quarantine- quite rightly I suppose - and I cannot stay in for a day, never mind a fortnight. I would have to go out to exercise and if I got caught breaking the rules it could be a really difficult time for me in work too. It’s just not worth it.....

********* In work we were told the way it’s going to be for the Appeal this year. Basically, we have to tell our Volunteers that there will be no Appeal. No tins, no boxes, no delivery of boxes to the shops, no sitting in supermarkets, no taking or counting of cash. If a PAO is vulnerable they will be told they can’t do it. If they are over 70 they will have a risk assessment and might be able to deliver schools boxes, if they’re health and over 70, that’s the only thing they’ll need to do... We are to ring them and tell them this. I was very upset and had a hard stone of unacceptance sitting in my chest all day. I went for a walk and when Liz was able to speak to me I am afraid I was in tears. But out of my control....and I suppose that in some ways they have no choice, but these restrictions seem like using a sledge hammer to crack a nut to me.

Friday 3 July 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Very Happy

Journal

It’s Friday!!

Yesterday was such a good day after an emotional one on Wednesday. The Key Volunteers I serve are quite brilliant- I am still expecting a kick back from some of them, but I have to crack on. We actually went to Sally’s house for Bookclub! Socially distanced of course, but it was very good for our little group of Etta, Julie and Sally all together again at last. But like me Etta didn’t enjoy the book that Sally had chosen ‘Blindness’, it was too bleak and apocalyptic for these current times.

Saturday 4 July 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Very Happy

Journal

Had a long, long chat with Georgie - were going to wait for the next available good weather day and meet up for a walk - even if I have to take a day off. We agreed to disagree over face masks. She feels that you should always wear them if you are out and about as a courtesy to shopkeepers. I feel that I won’t wear them until absolutely forced to as they are unhygienic, ineffective and dehumanising. When I’d finished the call Prue (bless her... sent me a WA message to say that Denmark has now been confirmed as having an Air Corridor with the UK. So I sent a message to Soph and it looks as though I can now go!

Monday 6 July 2020

Weather: Windy

Mood: Neutral

Journal

08:00:46 Dreadful nights sleep...don’t really know why. Charlie had mentioned that Manchester Airport was the first airport to make everyone wear face masks and I started to try and bring my head around to the facing up of wearing one. I simply can’t bear the thought. I will have to avoid mirrors when I have one on as I can’t bear even looking at people when they are wearing them. But apart from that, I have a lot to be grateful for seeing Soph will be lovely no matter what the circumstances. My weekend was so full of friends and great conversations. I am so lucky to have them, they are all such a support and such great fun to be with. All very different but I am so grateful for them. Meeting at 10.30 until 11.30 nothing special. Went to see one of my older Key Volunteers who has now retired to pick up some stock. I had to wear a mask for the first time....it was awful and felt claustrphobic. I took it off as soon as I could. Spoke to Spencer in the evening. The first words he said to me were, ‘Free Wales’. As the Beacons have now been opened after 3 months of unaccountable closure.~ Wednesday 8 July 2020 Weather: Drizzly Mood: Happy

Positive things about yesterday

Eating a perfectly ripe peach sitting on a bench in the rain in the middle of the wood listening to the Bloodsport podcast.... The smells of the trees and the plants, the sounds of the birds and the rain...perfect. National Turst have opened Erddig House Gardens again…but you have to book…….

Journal I am thinking about the taxi I have booked for Manchester airport for when I fly to CPH on 17 th July. If I have to wear a face mask in it and I have to wear one at the airport, means I will have one on continuously for 5 or 6 hours. Can’t be done. When I wore one last week I was relieved to take it off after 10 minutes! I’ll have to ask him if that is the case and if it is I will have to cancel it.

Thursday 9 July 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Happy

Journal

The news about CV this morning is appalling.....Rishi Sunak gave statement yesterday and Public spending on CV has soared to £190 billion as more money is allocate to try to protect jobs give tax relief etc. Job cuts announced at Burger King add to the many others who have said the same...Gyms (which have been ignored in all of this) and the aviation industry are going to announce job cuts as well. And Leicester which is still in complete lockdown because of a spike of cases, has been denied any more cash.... I am thinking of making my own mask. I hate them with a passion, but at least one I’ve made myself will look less clinical and will be more attractive than the ones I have....I’ll look out some fabric I think. That’s it now....I’ve spend enough time thinking about CV bollocks.... ...Time for a CV free day...

Work today

Work had given a big box of gifts to each of the workers in our Care homes. They’d put together a video of the staff with their gifts (were they asked to?) to say thank you. But I couldn’t watch it because they were ALL - without exception - wearing masks...couldn’t they have taken them off for 20 seconds while they made the vid ffs? It set me to wondering how life must be for residents in Care Homes. Those who have dementia and failing memories are confused and alone already and now they have to live their lives without ever seeing a smile struggling to know if the person caring for them is someone that they recognise or not.

A friend of mine used to visit an elderly friend who has dementia, Mary. Before CV to be able to talk to her about her old life on her weekly visits. They would spend many a happy afternoon talking about the good times. Then CV came and my friend could not visit her for a long time. I spoke to her this week and she

said she had at last been able to visit her. But Mary was no longer responding to any of her attempts at conversation – she suspected that she barely recognised her. All memory now gone….. perhaps it is worse than death from CV…..

Friday 10 July 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Journal

08:51:43 So in a spirit of ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’ I spent quite a large part of yesterday making some face masks. I am deeply, deeply saddened by this as I think they are awful and useless and are de-humanising. I made 2 as I ran out of elastic, although I have plenty of fabric as I put a lot of clothes to one side the other day and I have bags of t-shirts left over from The Walk. It was good to be creative for once. Spencer and I ‘had words’ when he rang that evening as he told me how there’d been a medical doctor spouting that some positive stats about them...but there is still a lot of controversy around them When I tried to say this he laughed, because he believed what he’d just heard. I told him off for laughing at me. The whole thing upsets me so much....I just can’t come to terms with it at all. That said, I enjoyed making the masks. And they will be more comfortable than the horrible medical things I bought on Saturday (£8 for 10!). It makes me laugh because you are supposed to wash your hands before putting them on, then when you take them off, not touching your face, not touching the inside throw them away after each use etc. etc..... The ones I’ve made are completely useless in stopping the spread of the virus. Unless they fit tightly and thus prevent breathing through the sides and top of the mask, it is utterly pointless to wear them. They are only affective if you breath through the mask...which is practically impossible. But of course as the Govt is preparing to make us all wear them you can find very little in the mainstream media against their use.

Friday at 11 I met up with Prue and Joanna for coffee in Prue’s garden. It was good to be with the 2 of them again...A had brought some cream cakes too.

Saturday 11 July 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Journal

A large part of last night was spent worrying and wondering about those things. Apparently (I heard a snatch of the news yesterday - will stop doing that again now, I was far less stressed when I didn’t listen)

the Blonde Mop Head is thinking of making compulsory in shops...as Scotland has done...This upset me greatly.....I will not be going shopping in that case. As if shopkeepers and pubs don’t have enough to challenge them . But there you go, that shows what listening to the News does for you. ********* I have been thinking about the things that have concerned us so much over the years, nuclear armaments, wars, famines, environmental issues, racism, terrorism etc. Many of us have lain awake thinking and worrying about these things. Of course all of them serious and worrying but nothing, nothing prepared us for this. Worrying and protests didn’t stop this virus and it has affected all of us....in so many ways...I reflect whether all that worrying and obsessive reading and researching about it does nothing.

A very special time with Wendy. She enjoyed the walk and said it was ‘just what she needed’. She does need to get away from her partner, who continues to drink until late - sometimes as late as 4am - and gets up very late in the day. She even describes him as an ‘alcoholic’. She says he can be bossy and gets cross if she criticises his way of living. He always used to say that he was not affected by hangovers, and he will never, ever take painkillers. This is because ironically, he thinks that painkillers don’t do you any good! Ignoring the fact that alcohol, being directly associated with 7 types of cancer, kills far more people than painkillers ever did. But he must feel pretty crap all the time it’s awful, because deep down he’s a decent man. I again Thank God that I didn’t have to spend lockdown with anyone, never mind a selfish man who drinks too much. I am so glad that I live alone.

Sunday 12 July 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Very Happy

How am I looking after my body today?

Did a satisfying 14,539 steps yesterday. SUCH a good walk with Wendy...about 4 miles maybe? I have to say, I’m looking pretty good in this photo....considering keeping my grey hair...? Journal

Spencer sent me some things that are like masks, but they are loose at the bottom, so they allow you to breath a bit. They are supposed to be pretty and look more like scarves. Bless him, he took a long time to find some that were red, and it was a sweet gesture, but they are a horrible slimy material and lying on the bed, look more like a perverted man’s kinky thong than anything you would want to put near your face. I have not even tried them on.... One thing’s for sure, I will never, ever allow myself to be photographed in one to show my submission to something I regard as totally without reason.

Couldn’t get any elastic from the supermarket yesterday or from Dunelm, but easily got some from Amazon. But shopping online may be the way I will always have to do things, because they force us to wear them in shops I will have to go back to buying things solely online.....

I have gone back to not listening to the news anymore....I can’t bear it. I try and try and try and tell myself I cannot control these things and I have to accept them...but I struggle very hard with it. Wanting a change of route for my running and having a longing to be on the coast, I went to the nearest beach to me. The Welsh coastal path is always a great place to walk, run or cycle should you be at a loss of finding somewhere easy to do these things. The weather was good, but not too hot and the journey was easy. The beach was perfect. There were quite a lot of people there, but it is huge and there was no problem with Social Distancing and not a mask in sight! When I arrived, I heard the sound I always hear with such nostalgia- the sound of seagulls. I know that they are ubiquitous now, but the sound always takes me back to the first family holiday I remember as a child. The businesses in the little village of by the beach, which would have obviously suffered because of CV, had rallied. There was someone taking £2 for the car park (I had remembered to bring my little bag of £1 coins collected and unspent because of lockdown) and the smell of hot dogs and onions drifted up from a gazebo set up outside the pub.

They had also portaloos in place. Hastily slung up tape and hand-written scrawled signs herded potential

customers to queue in the right direction. Although the weather was good and the need for ice cream

high...sadly there were not a lot of people eating..but enough that they will have at least taken some

money.

I guess many people were like me unsure about whether anything would be open so had come equipped

with their own food. Also, many were just there because they had a caravan so did not need the repasts

offered by the local hostelries…

Monday 13 July 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Wondering

Positive things about yesterday

The seaside ...the sound of the seagulls and the smell of the air.... My run along the sand A picnic by the beach Glorious day completely alone......

Soph sent me some documents as proof of her residency in Denmark (necessary for proof that I have a relative there) - my trip on Friday is on!

Tuesday 14 July 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

Journal

08:19:00 I don’t leap out of bed, because there is no work to get up for, I may as well be on furlough. It’s such a difficult one this as most people - well all of them - would say stop being so moany about it, it’s fine. You’re being paid for doing nothing and getting away with it. And of course they’re right - there is no problem with any of this. If I say something I will only get given work I don’t like doing. So I’ll just pretend. But it’s dishonest and that goes against my nature. It’s not as though I have nothing else to do! So that’s it. Face coverings are to made compulsory in shops in England. . I’ll go back to shopping online if it happens in Wales and I won’t be going to Chester. Our Labour hero Keir Starmer...has protested...asking why it isn’t being initiated sooner.... (ffs). It is an abomination and a breach of our civil liberties. They are dehumanising and vile....I will be wearing one only when forced. I got a call this morning from my hairdressers to tell me to wear a mask to go and have my hair done tomorrow......I told them no. They said I could wear a visor instead (!!! in a hairdressers) so I cancelled it. I am glad I did. Wearing them at all is ridiculous but having to sit in a mirror looking at myself in one for any length of time is unthinkable.

Wednesday15 July 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

Journal

This too will pass. The wearing of masks will not be deemed necessary forever and it will pass as lockdown did. But I have to let it stop being an upsetting obsession. Trouble is, I got away with breaking a lot of the rules of lockdown #stayathome. (no-one notices the comings and goings of old people like me. I have a friend who calls it the ‘wheelie bin syndrome’ that is, that we are as noticeable as wheelie bins….) but these awful muzzles are an outward visible sign of compliance.

Thursday 16 July 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

Money issues

Got paid yesterday. There was over £300 in the account in excess this month. Haven’t moved any yet so that there is plenty there for my trip to Denmark and I will need it I know. Had a call from the Manager at the hair salon who sympathised with my position on Face Masks and kind- of agreed. She has said that I can go to the salon when there is no-one there on Weds 22nd and have my hair cut then. Good manager!

I sympathise with the position of businesses as open after lockdown and they try to comply as they are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. Many people have taken in every word of news about CV and listen to the lists of deaths daily read out on the news…they fear they are going to die if they are not kept safe. If a place does not show that it is compliant, they will not go to it. Then you get people like me….

Journal

08:41:48 So I am preparing to go out into the world and fly to Copenhagen tomorrow- although it’s hardly a change for me as I have been to Lancaster and Yorkshire as soon as lockdown eased ...and I have been to Copenhagen many times so it is not such a huge adventure. I do wonder what it is going to be like at the airport. Will there be huge queues as people grapple with all the regulations or will there be few people travelling so it will be relatively quiet? The News today is all about how the Pandemic has hit employment (I would beg to change that - it is the LOCKDOWN which has hit employment) and 1000s are struggling to get their money back on holiday money which has been lost. At some stage in the future this will be over. We will not be forced to wear these muzzles for ever and the virus will no longer be a threat. I believe that the numbers of deaths are so low it has never been a serious threat, but others do not and that is the problem. However, I know that eventually things will calm down and people will start acting normally again. My internal optimism keeps me calm and happy and I can keep going and be content in all of this. ********* Number I didn’t recognise on my mobile turned out to be the taxi guy to arrange pick up time. Turns out he was actually in Spain and his mate is picking me up, I asked him how the airport was. He’d flown from Liverpool, but he said the airport was deserted except for a huge queue at Starbucks.... Long boring day. Team meeting at 10.30 with nothing happening, had a run, finished off my calls, mowed

the lawn. Liz my Manager rang again 4.45 to wish me a happy holiday. S’funny but I have not thought of this as a holiday. With everything that’s been going on and everyone still so terrified of getting the disease, it seems a bit wrong to be off acting as though it’s all back to normal. I sent Soph a message asking if I should take my swimming costume- a swim would be SO GOOD. She sent me a message back... “Maybe!! Weather looks ok! Def bring it! We are going up to CopenHill (the big ski slope) for Jazz and Cocktails on Saturday and on Sunday to Tivoli to see Lala land. And booked a nice restaurant for tomorrow! Yey!”.

My daughter is always so good arranging something lovely and of course this makes me finally understand that this IS a holiday. My life in lockdown has of course been relatively trouble free, but I deserve a holiday like everyone else and I have been working, so I am trying to get into holiday mode.

Friday 17 July 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Very Happy

Journal

06:16:40 So with Soph’s words ringing in my ears and 2 small suitcases sitting in my bedroom I awake far too early. 11:53:51 I’m writing this sitting in T1 Manchester airport having got through bag drop security etc. very quickly with no real problems. There are only about 100 people here and of course they are all wearing masks of varying types from full on tight to the face ones, to scarves just tied around the face. Even little children. But it’s not too bad if I don’t think too hard about it and don’t look at people. There are very, very few restaurants or coffee shops open in the airport. Duty free was open of course but without the perfume sprayers. A lot of staff standing around in their various muzzles....Apart from that no shops...there was a Starbucks open, but there was no a queue and got the drink straight away.. They’d only opened last Thursday apparently.....the barrista said the first few days had been quite busy, but today was quiet. Anyway, I got my coffee and was able to sit down mercifully without my mask, as I drank and ate. So odd to see all the shutters down on the usual shops of the airport Mall, Pret, Jo Malone etc. I used to fancifully think that airports didn’t need to have locks on their doors as flights came and went at every hour of the day...I never would have dreamed that I would see so many concessions closed at one time....I couldn’t even buy a little something from Jo Malone for Soph as I usually do.....so I hope the tea bags and cheese and onion slices will do the trick....I hope I get a hug....? No-one seems to be policing the wearing of masks too much....but I wouldn’t want to find out what would happen if you didn’t wear one.

The plane left on time. Not that full, but was surprised that there was no social distancing as the aeroplane is only about ¾ full. First of all there was a seat free next to me, which I assumed would be left empty. But no... No hot drinks on the plane...although all manner of soft drinks and booze of course...although not many people were buying as it is a short flight of about 90 – 100 mins. However, I watched one lady on the plane who was eating a Meze-style box meal. She lifted her mask put some food in her mouth and immediately slipped the mask back over her mouth as she chewed…She repeated this bizarre behaviour throughout her entire meal. It would have been funny if it wasn’t so sad. Absolutely and utterly crazy…she was sitting alone, the only thing in front of her was the back of a plane seat... who on earth she thought she was protecting I have no idea. My own mask is very irritating now. It hurts behind my ears and my glasses still steam up from time to time. I am also starting the feel light headed...I am hoping it’s just the air pressure in the aeroplane maybe, but not a pleasant sensation....

Saturday 18 July 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Very Happy

Positive things about yesterday

Wonderful CPH…I absolutely LOVE IT! Seeing Sophie and Rob. They are so settled and happy with each other and great to be with. Having a hug from them both when I arrived. Being back in a city which is almost back to normal, seeing people sitting and laughing together

Journal

08:55:55 (CPH time) I landed on time yesterday and adjusted my mask. Slightly nervous as I walked through CPH airport as the signs said ‘medical masks must be worn’. Well mine was just one of my home made ones...but I had a sandwich and coffee as I was hungry. It was around 3pm.... Of course I’d taken my mask off to eat, which seemed to be ok. But then I sipped some water which went down the wrong way so I had a coughing fit...... boy, that was embarrassing.... Got to Soph’s without any problems- once I got on the Metro leaving the airport no masks were worn and although there were Social Distancing & Wash Your Hands signs there seemed to be little sign of either. I did of course play down my real opinion of the whole bloody palaver to Soph and Rob letting them talk instead. Part of Soph’s work required her to research into fabric masks v PPE and the conclusion is that

they are or very little use. The theory goes that you can have the disease and be asymptomatic (i.e. with no signs of having it). The mask is supposed to stop disease-ridden water droplets if you cough or sneeze, but of course you won’t cough or sneeze if you haven’t got the disease or are asymptomatic, so there is a very narrow margin of time that they would be useful anyway. Anyway, today we are going to Copenhill there is a Jazz festival on there and we are meeting Soph’s friend Jan. ******** A really lovely day up on Copenhill ...... the ski slope built onto of an environmental waste incinerator. Sounds a very strange idea and when I heard about it a few years ago, I thought they were kidding. But no, it’s true. They built this thing and put a ski slope on it....anyway.... https://www.copenhill.dk/en Jan used to work with Soph but now works at CPH Airport. She set up all the COVID-19 arrangements to allow the airport to be compliant including the setting up of COVID tests. Sometimes, I must admit, I do fleetingly miss not having some wine or a cold beer especially on beautiful days like today, but when there are good substitutes it’s not a problem at all. Even better when you don’t get a horrible slump in the afternoon or can’t stop drinking wine during a good film knowing you’ll get a bad head in the morning. Even though there is supposed to be Social Distancing and many signs reminding people to do so, it’s all but forgotten here. This is because there is very little CV-19 here now. Their PM is greatly trusted by the people and shut the country down immediately in early March and they all obeyed her to the letter. It also helps a great deal of course that there are only 5M people in Denmark anyway so preventing the spread was easier. So yes, it feels safe here... As I write this, in bed in this flat situated in CPH, there is a lot of noise from the streets below and I can even hear fireworks somewhere. The city of full of its own people as they haven’t got away for their holidays and the PM has slashed the entry prices of all the museums, exhibitions and galleries by 50% to give people that final encouragement to go out after lockdown. Unfortunately, this means that they are all booked up and full, so we won’t be doing anything of those things, although that won’t matter they always find something to do. It’s been the most beautiful weather here today too...not too hot, but fine with a slight breeze. Sunday 19 July 2020 Weather: Sunny Mood: Very Happy Positive things about yesterday The whole day really....

Warm gentle sun Jazz Copenhill...am amazing, innovative place.... No CV or masks or Social Distancing Seeing T&J together still so in love and in tune with each other. Copenhagen...quite wonderful...it never disappoints

Journal

08:53:08 Again I reflect on their life here which is pretty amazing. The city is so easy with its cycling and fantastic public transport. Lockdown and all traces of CV all but gone. Clever and efficient, bright and innovative with clever ideas for comfortable living everywhere you look. Every place has design elements that make it easy on the eye it just all feel very, well...cool . I just love it here so much and have missed it too. Soph & Rob seem as in love and special to each other as ever which is so lovely to see. Even if they’ve been apart for a short period they share a proper embrace and kiss hello. They are so in tune with each other and Rob is so encouraging....although we joke that he can be a ‘mansplainer’ at times, he does talk, discuss and listen never dictates. ************ Me & my daughter went for a run together did our run in not too bad a time....in fact it was at a faster pace than I normally do it. Later after we’d showered and had a lovely CPH breakfast, we went swimming at

Nordhavn. It was very cold in the water, but good fun. We lay in the sun reading our books for a short

while and then went shopping for a barbecue to have with their friends later. Monday 20 July 2020 Weather: Sunny Mood: Very Happy

Journal

21:07:01 Almost the end of a relaxing, sultry Copenhagen day. We set off at a rather late morning to seek out a Vietnamese Restaurant in the Tonkin District to eat Bahn Mi - which are Vietnamese Sandwiches...a mixture of shredded pork or chicken with coriander, cucumber, shredded leeks and special sauces in a soft

fresh French baguette a hangover from the days when France colonised part of Vietnam in the 1800s. Delicious. We had a lovely afternoon just chatting and sauntering around the Kastellet area, an old star- shaped fort. We looked at the area of Kongens Nytorv which had now been revealed after being behind hoardings for so long as they construct the new Metro.

Tuesday 21 July 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

Journal Flying back today 15.10 today. Journey back went without a hitch. Left at around 12.00 and by the time I’d looked around the shops in Copenhagen airport (rejecting Estee Lauder Night Repair Serum at £60 a bottle - bloody hell, what does it cost when it’s got duty on it??) and got something to eat (good because I could take my ‘medical mask ’ off)..it was time to board. An announcement was made on the plane that we had to fill in a ‘contact locator form’ online when we landed at Manchester before border control. It was a full on...get online, register on a website, create a password, fill in loads of questions about the flight right down to the seat number, flight number, flight booking reference, my next of kin, their phone number, their email on and on it went...took at least 10 minutes. Everyone on the plane had to do it before Border Control where our passports could be inspected. There were about 100 people on the flight I was on so staff managed to do it, but airport will get a lot busier soon with Summer holidays so it will be chaotic then... Got home about 6.00pm my phone was busy with messages, but got some food in at the supermarkets and just spoke to N and Spencer in the evening....the rest will have to wait until tomorrow.

Thursday 23rd July 2020

My gorgeous granddaughters Isabel and Eliza come to stay with me for a few days while Sam and Sarah go for a romantic break.

Friday 24 July 2020

Journal

It’s Friday!

Today, is a very special Anniversary I am 1 Year Alcohol free! However, very disappointed that I seem to have lost all my journal records since that time....I am sure they must be on the iCloud somewhere.......?

The truth is that I hardly notice my Alcohol Free state any more. Honestly, there are the occasional times when I do wish I was going to have a drink. E.g. Queuing up at that Jazz and Cocktails thing in CPH....but when we got in there were some very sophisticated Alcohol Free drinks which were just as good (CPH is very good at supplying alcoholic free drinks everywhere). Going out to CPH that first night knowing we wouldn’t be sharing a good red wine with our meal was slightly daunting ...but truth is, it’s wonderful to be fully present and experience these things fully...it’s always great to be with Soph and Rob and wonderful that my brain is now able to recall these evenings. I don’t look back and think, ‘Was I too loud?’ ‘Was I embarrassing when I wanted one more drink?’ ‘Did I spend much of my time not listening to the conversation but rather wondering whether I could have another drink?’ I was glad not to have spent another evening distracted from the conversation because I was calculating how long it would take me to finished off one glass so that I could ask for another. That happened so much when I was drinking. Then when we got back to the flat, the craving and calculating would continue. Where we going to go straight to bed, or was there another bottle of red waiting for us? If I had it, could I risk drinking it as I knew it would be that ‘one last drink’ that I shouldn’t have had that tipped me into a day of pain and sickness the next day.....? So many decisions and agonising and time and energy wasted. The one simple decision to stop drinking eradicates all of that.....and gives a much more simple and blameless life. No more feeling guilty, no more not remembering, no more illness and body abuse.......just a happy healthy life.... ******** My lovely Grandchildren and I had a very easy lovely day yesterday. Went to see Grandma (mother in law, Julie aged 96). The girls are always very polite and Julie loves to speak to them.

Julie told me that she’d seen her friend (daughter of her former partner who died 17 years ago). She sat out by her front door while Julie sits on the end of the stairs and also another of her grandsons and his family who had come over all the way from Brighton...standing in the fucking front garden. I felt awful then sitting in her living room with the girls, but really? When her hairdresser and chiropodist have both visited her...and Julie didn’t seem to have any worries about us coming in. After that I took the girls into town and bought them some cheap, but amazing toys (more ‘plastic crap’ as Sam would say) which they were really excited about. Then we went for a walk around where they paddled in the water. We ate our sandwiches. The weather was really good and warm. There were disappointingly however, no animals out at Ty Mawr.....which was a shame and again, couldn’t really see why not. The children’s play park was open and cafe. Saturday 25 July 2020 Weather: Cloudy Mood: Very Happy Positive things about yesterday Lovely day with my gorgeous girls. No problems or arguments at all.

I stopped drinking alcohol one year ago yesterday! I LOVE the fact that I no longer drink....

Sunday 26 July 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

Journal

07:50:58 Was awoken at around 6.15 am by the girls yesterday.....but I couldn’t blame them for that. As I knew Sam and Sarah were coming later and they were playing all sorts of games very happily, we didn’t go anywhere. They enjoyed playing a pretend game with my wheelie suitcases. They often call a game called ‘Teenagers’...but I don’t know what it involves. But anyway, apart from the mess due to the fact that they never put things away, they are no trouble. We had mango and omelette for breakfast and they wolfed it all down. I just pottered and cleaned and it was a joyful peaceful day. We took Eleanor some chocolates as a gift for looking after Lois the cat. Prue and I sat in her garden bemoaning the idiocy around CV...one part of the populace terrified to go anywhere now that shops etc are all open and pubs will open their doors in Wales on Aug 4th. It is now coming out how Public Health England has been calculating CV deaths. They have been counting anyone who tested positive for CV at any time and has since died (for whatever reason, be it heart attack or being run over by a bus) as a death due to CV. No wonder England’s death rates are so high. And in Leicester which is still locked down, they are literally knocking of people’s doors to give them a test, even though they have no symptoms. I spoke to one of the girls later who is very sceptical too. She said that her partner was saying that A&E at Wrexham Hospital has been closed because of a ‘huge rise’ is cases in Wrexham. I looked it up later. It hasn’t closed, Wrexham.com just gives the same message as there has always been since this madness began...only to go if absolutely necessary. The ‘huge rise’ is 14 cases in a week (out of a pop. of 37,000) . And the overall trend is still downwards....so the truth is a slippery eel, which will not stay still to let us look at it and grasp what it is about. **** Sam and Sarah picked up the girls and I cleared up their mess and put things away then went for a run. Then went shopping. I chose Tesco as it is closer and there is never a queue there. About 25% of customers now wear bloody face nappies. Also all the checkout staff....I could hardly hear what he was saying to me....and I was very cross and off hand with him. Did a meditation about rationalising fear, which was very pertinent to me right now. I tend to get overwhelmed with the unreasonableness of life today because of cv and the general public’s idiocy....but right here, right now it does not affect me. I will try to keep grounded. I have my walks, my runs, my house and home. The love of a good man, my friends .....money coming in, good health and a beautiful family....I do not need to worry.

I need to cut back on the swearing and the anger....it is helping no one and making me into the sort of person people want to avoid....I need to face these things with the peace and confidence of myself and who I really am.

I popped to see a friend later and we surveyed beautiful wall hanging she has made for her Grandson who is expected in September. We talked about CV and she is the one who is now telling me not to listen to the news or get upset about the many different views and madness of the time.

One of her WA groups of women was moaning about people not keeping to Social Distancing at a Festival....How boring a subject is that? As sure as the leaves grow on the trees this is sure to be the case where the Rules on get togethers are relaxed and booze starts to flow....I won’t take part in any such conversations as they are knit-picking and petty.

Monday 27 July 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Happy

Journal

08:03:35 I am quite content today...Although my acceptance of having no work to do is always wavering (looking back at previous diary entries) I know that it just makes perfect sense to accept the situation. Not just of having no work to do, but also this whole CV business.... It causes me stress if I read and listen to the news - not because of fear of the disease, but because of people’s ridiculous over the top reactions to it. It takes a lot of discipline not to get embroiled in the whys and wherefores of people’s utter unreasonable reactions ...but I will do it. I will not listen to any of their moaning about people not sticking to ‘the rules’ their complete joy at how super it is to wear muzzles and face nappies.... I fear that I will no longer be able to go Shopping as pretty soon the Welsh Government will be imposing the wearing of these items on our faces. I will not listen to the news any longer and I will not be engaging in any talk on FB - only accessing it when I have to for work and for news about the family. My WhatsApp groups tend not to talk about CV anyway, so I shall continue to look at those. ******* I booked some leave so that I can go and see Spencer (where he is currently working). I still have 17 days left so plenty of scope for us to have a holiday elsewhere. Although I think Spain is out as the Govt has suddenly imposed a 14 day isolation on those coming back from Spain because of another ‘wave’ of cases there.

Tuesday 28 July 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Sad

Journal

There has been a spike in cases (not deaths of course) in Wrexham and they are putting testing units in the town and Queen’s Park. There have been 61 positive tests in the past week....well, seek and ye shall find.... So if you test positive, whether you have only slight symptoms or not, you would have to self isolate....if you test negative, you can go about your business and you might catch it the next day anyway...?

Again, I learn not to look at the news or listen to it....it’s all hyping the ‘already worried’ up. The good thing is that the muzzles are still not required in Wales except on public transport, so I shall try and do some local shopping where possible.

Wednesday 29 July 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Neutral

Journal

07:32:14 Depression has lifted...feeling better this morning. I’m not on top of the world or anything, but don’t feel as hopeless as I did yesterday. Not sure what it was that made me feel so down. There was nothing really different about yesterday than the day before...... Today I went to get my hair cut at last – first time since lock down. They were all wearing stupid visors on their faces and I found it most off-putting, but at least they weren’t wearing masks. I was of course not required to wear one. But I was asked to fill in a form with my mobile and email which also asked had I been overseas within 14 days - I lied a bit, as it was nearly 14 days ago. My hairdresser told me that she wasn’t allowed to take or even touch my coat nor could she hang it up.....but I could put it in a bag and she produced the tiniest cheapest type of plastic bag...I wasn’t going to squash my best coat into that! So I just kept it with me...

It was ok after that she did chat and used the hairdryer (there have been rumours that many hairdressers will not do so), but not an experience I would go through again in a hurry.... But at least my hair is shorter now... Joanna would not come down to meet in my house (as I am sick of bloody WhatsApp group chats), but suggested we meet in the garden.... Now that Wrexham ‘has a spike’ it will be worse than ever.... So I gritted my teeth and said that I’d call them...but it was just the usual bloody awful WA call, you can tell that some in particular can’t hear a word. I’m not doing it again...

Thursday 30 July 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Wondering

How am I looking after my body today?

7966 steps..but I did have a run. A faster pace and ran further in 30 mins than last time...gradually improving! 6 hours 39 mins sleep from 11.00 until 7.15. 1 hour 35 mins awake but a good 1 hour 3 mins deep. Had a bit of a headache around 4 and took some paracetamol. Listened to the radio for a while.... as starting to worry that there maybe a lockdown in Wrexham which may prevent my going to see Spencer. Not a huge problem....but they are not going to keep me in, so it will be more cloak and dagger stuff. I truly believe that making sure that doing everything that you can to keep yourself fit and healthy does far more towards preventing the spread of CV than any face covering ever does.

Journal I phoned Samuel as he is 39 today....I can’t believe he is so old.... We had a long, long chat. He was relaxing in the garden with a glass of wine having just packed the car for a camping holiday...I am so proud of him, he is sweet and funny and such an incredible person who changes people’s lives. Then I phoned Spencer and was talking to him for a while, but Prue came round so I cut it short. We were talking about Joanna’s strange attitude to CV and the horrors of wearing masks. Prue is going to make a badge which says ‘No Mask, Don’t Ask, Health’ . I was reading something today - comments under a web post- where people have just not worn them and got away with it. There was even mention of Exemption Health App ...Doctors of course are saying it’s not their job to issue proof of health issues and won’t have anything to do with it. I don’t want the confrontation so will probably wear them.

Friday 31 July 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Journal

Prue and I were puzzling last night over Joanna’s refusal to come to my house on Weds night, unless we sat in the garden. I don’t even know what the ‘rules’ are any more and I can’t be bothered to look them up as it’s meaningless. You can sit in a pub, but you can’t go shopping without a mask or sit in a friend’s house? You can go to work or the hairdressers...you can go on holiday....some people are excluded from mask wearing....etc. Then Joanna posts a link to a restaurant she wants to go to for her birthday.??? So apparently going to a

restaurant is ok, but sitting Socially Distancing in my living room is not? Really don’t understand the whole thing...my rule of going along with whatever people feel comfortable with can be frustrating sometimes…my relationships with several very good friends have changed over this. The Government have chosen Spain as their latest target saying that anyone who is coming in from Spain now has to quarantine for 14 days....because parts of it have had a rises in cases (again ‘people testing positive for CV’ not deaths or illness ) . Thus badly affecting Spain’s tourist industry ....

August 2020

In which I look after some animals and cook a lot of food. I get to the gym, get back to ‘real’ work

commemorating VJ Day, hear a special song, have a (very expensive) cat emergency, get a new car and

get lost.

Another ordinary month in which they tell us that ‘lockdown’ has eased but the atmosphere of fear is

stronger than ever as we are asked to get back to work but many are reluctant to do so.

Saturday 1 August 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Journal

Visiting Spencer where he is working as a House & Pet Sitter for clients. Put 15 guinea pigs outside, helped with the ducks, silkies, tortoises and bantams then 4 of the dogs ...... Warm day, but cooler than yesterday.

The owner of the house we were sitting had failed to cancel her Gousto box of 4 meals...for 4 people...So I excitedly opened it (she’d sent us a message to tell us to do so – I’m not someone who just arbitrarily nicks someone else’s food…).

SUCH A LOT OF FOOD! and the 2 massive fridges belonging to this family are already full to bursting as it is...I hate to see that. So it took a lot of sorting to decide which meals I was going to make and which could be frozen and saved for when they return.

I asked Spencer to cancel our Sunday dinner out as we need to eat some of the food and anyway, I wasn’t that impressed with the pub we went to for a meal last night. They were surly and rather rude and you were required to wear a mask in the pub even though you were eating. Also, the food wasn’t that great...so no Sunday roast for us.... Monday 3 August 2020 Weather: Sunny Mood: Happy

Journal We had another Gousto meal for lunch ....gnocchi with tomatoes and goats cheese. Our cue for jokes about ‘nookie and gnocchi’ in the afternoon.

I set off on the journey home at 2.15...got tired after about 90 mins and had to stop at a Services on M40 to have a sleep. Another dilemma about going into the actual Services and not wearing a Mask but again, I did it. The trick being not to look at anyone....and always smile sweetly at those behind the counter...I think they appreciate seeing a smile instead of a long day of customers without any expression. No one said a word to me about it....I was ready with my excuse of exemption, but it wasn’t needed. Good news when I got to Sainsbury’s (once I was in Wales so I didn’t have the dilemma) there was a headline to say that all gyms would be opening. After the opening of pubs and restaurants it wasn’t sitting quite well with the Govt’s concern for the Nation’s health that gyms were remaining closed.

I them noticed an email from my gym, to say that they were ‘in administration’...but would be opening 10th Aug...so I am not sure what that means. It’s good news, but of course it is tempered by how many restrictions will be put on us when we are allowed in. I am NOT wearing a mask whilst working out... that would be ridiculous. Eleanor has ‘kindly’ tagged me on a FB post saying that there have been protests in Berlin against CV lockdowns attended by 1M people. Whilst it may be true, it is immaterial and means nothing. It will make not one iota of difference to the opinions of the majority which seems to be that they actually WANT the ‘safety’ of lockdown and mask wearing .... My opinion is my own and I don’t want to argue with anyone about it, or even show my opinions about it and certainly not on FB.

Tuesday 4 August 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Happy

Positive things about yesterday

Always, always good to get home. Journal

My friend & colleague broke the news to me that she’d been told in her team that we are not going to be furloughed again, despite there being very little work for us Fundraisers to do. Thursday 6 August 2020 Weather: Sunny Mood: Neutral Journal

08:17:26 Having sat through a 2-day Conference with work I have come to the conclusion that M/S Teams Conferences DO NOT WORK. This is for the simple reason that no presentation will ever be good where the presenter is sitting down. Also, there was also a lot of confusion about joining with a few different links being sent to us, not helped by the fact that all presenters started a few minutes late, so you didn’t know if you were waiting in ‘the right place’. I am heartily sick of sitting in front of a computer screen with no real interaction with people and colleagues. It doesn’t work...it’s not the same and it has been going on too long.

Saturday 8 August 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Very Happy

Journal

22:50:14 A puzzle. Why are people wearing masks in the supermarket when it’s not required? Don’t understand their logic at all unless they really think they have the virus...if so they should stay at home. Or that they love wearing them..... weird.... I suspect that it has nothing to do with keeping others safe but rather to make them feel safe themselves…

Ritta said that a guy actually called her out for not wearing a mask ...in Wrexham Tesco...!! She said..”?? We’re in Wales....” and he had the grace to look embarrassed...he hadn’t realised I suppose... I overheard 2 of the Sainsbury’s shop floor assistants complaining about them to each other and fearing that they may be made compulsory for staff....

Monday 10 August 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Neutral

I can go to the gym tonight. But I think I’ll leave it until tomorrow...... although I doubt there’ll be a huge rush of people there as there is still a lot of unreasonable fear around and people seem to be really enjoying the drama of living in the fiction of a deadly disease which is going to kill us all eventually. So tomorrow it is, but I might pop in to say hello to them. Sadly, I got a message from the Wrexham DW to say that there is a problem with the hot water and so the swimming pool won’t be open.....which is a real blow, but c’est la vie.

Journal

07:12:57 So yesterday was a real day at home..I think I’ve only done that once before during the whole of lockdown. It doesn’t matter how much gardening, housework or rushing around you do if you don’t/can’t get out of the house you will never get anywhere near 10,000 steps. Around lunchtime I did have a real hankering to get out, bone weary though I was, but I didn’t. How people stay in all the time I can’t imagine.....I really feel like a coiled spring right now wanting to move. There was some correspondence and a vid from Dr Ward about the Coronadiaries. I feel slightly embarrassed as he referred to some of the diaries being ‘moving’ whereas I think mine probably come over as the ramblings of a selfish old woman. But I suppose that they have to see those aspects of it as well. If they are reading diaries from NHS nurses or people who have been locked in with the critically ill or have lost someone through this thing then comparisons are bound to be made. In many ways, I have nothing to say or to add to this project as I remain largely unaffected by CV.

To the possible accusation that I may be selfish in my defence I have to day that when lockdown occurred, I immediately volunteered to help as an NHS volunteer. I was ready to use my Annual leave to help if I was needed, but I have never been contacted by the NHS Responder even though I have the app on my phone and I get email updates.

I wonder if those who are taking part in this CoronaDiaries project are going to be largely those who HAVE been affected? Or is it a random selection of people whose only common factor is that they like to write?

Those who are reading the diaries will, I suspect, have a view more biased towards the ‘Armageddon narrative’ rather than what the reality has been for the main part of the population. Added to this is those who remain largely physically unaffected virus, and have a very low risk of dying even if they got it, but who still live in fear of it. The difference with me is that I simply don’t believe that anything bad will happen to me– I am not much of a worrier.

However, I don’t try to push my beliefs about CV down someone’s throat neither do I gorge on articles and features which agree with my view or go down the ‘rabbit hole’ of YouTube videos or follow Facebook or Twitter posts or ‘CV deniers’ or conspiracy theorists calling it the ‘Scamdemic’ (of which there are many). I only write about it here to add my point of view which may differ from others. The current number of a total of 46,000 deaths in a population of 67M - (equating to around 450 per M) whilst this is a human tragedy it is not worth the terrible cost to the economy and the ongoing health of the populace of lockdown.

Had this been Ebola or the Black Death I’d have been that first to do everything to ensure that I was not exposed to a killer disease, but most people who get COVID-19 have relatively mild symptoms or even none at all.

In Wrexham we have had a total of 1,300 cases (not deaths) out of a population of 39,000. CV still remains uncommon and I am extremely unlikely to catch it or pass it on to anyone whether I wear a mask or not. ********************* I am still avoiding listening to the news or looking at Social Media for anything about CV. I am less wound up and don’t lie awake worrying about this thing. Of course I count myself lucky that I have not been badly affected by this thing but life must get back to normality and we have to live with it among us at some stage. Tuesday 11 August 2020 Weather: Sunny Mood: Neutral Positive things about yesterday Running in the thunder storm....so stimulating. Feeling more at peace and accepting of the situation in work. None of it really matters as I have an amazing life. Successful happy children, a beautiful home and people who love me. What more could I want? The gym opened yesterday and so I went there at 4.30. It was ok..but unfortunately there is a problem with some water so the swimming pool alas is not open . It was all, thermometers, wiping equipment and hand sanitiser, but they are doing their best and there were quite a few people there. Everyone – including me – wiped down the equipment before and after use and hand sanitised in between, whilst avoiding the masked cleaners who slopped around trying to find more things to clean. I enjoyed it, and did a full workout apart from a run on the treadmill as I am now quite hooked on outdoor running. Although I did everything else and I think l my stomach welcomed the return of sit ups and my arms the weights. It was almost back to the old routine...I did long for a swim though as I was a sweaty mess when I was done. 12 August 2020 Weather: Lightning Mood: Happy

Positive things about yesterday

Great to get back in the gym again. Perfect walk with a play in my ears taking me away from real life...

We have a new baby in the family...my sister Rosa in Sweden has become a grandma for the 2nd time.

Journal

Just remember...you are the calm one..the one who walks and exercises and runs. Who takes herself away by not listening to the news or going down the rabbit holes on social media...you meditate, you absorb soothing countryside scenes...you eat well and don’t poison your body with alcohol. You have a happy and successful children, a good job and a beautiful home ....You have no reason to let for anger or frustration get to you..you have all the tools in your armoury to continually observe and appreciate and enjoy your happiness. And this, this is my practice of gratitude.... ****** I wrote the above to stop myself getting wound up over work issues. Being negative was not helping me and making me miserable when I have absolutely no need to be for all of the reasons above and more....Then strangely today’s ‘Calm’ meditation was about seeking gratitude.... ****** There was an amazing thunderstorm which went on for hours starting at 6 with a few grumbles of thunder a long way away then it hit in full force frustratingly when Prue phoned, as I love watching storms. Our chat finished at 8.15 but the storm carried one and has done all evening. When darkness fell, I switched off most of the lights so that I could look at the wonder of the lightening in all it’s wonderful flashy glory...wonderful...it only faded away at around 11.00pm.

Thursday 13 August 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Journal Another ordinary day of lockdown. Went to the Vets to pick up some tablets for Lois ...was greeted at the door by a nurse with a mask in telling me that I had to phone and order them...she wouldn’t take the order from me at the door…God knows why not. Went to the gym and was able to swim…at last….it was wonderful…although I am still a real slow coach still and my stroke has not improved.

Friday 14 August 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Positive things about yesterday

Have I mentioned how much I l ve my home? Well, I’ll do it again...I love my little house...it’s perfect. It’s

just the right size for me, with a beautiful aspect across open fields. In the recent hot spell I even

discovered that it is easy to keep cool here too! I have been growing vegetables enough for something fresh and healthy to be added to my dinner each night. What a place. I am so l lucky.

Journal Spencer phoned me at 9.30 and we discussed how on Earth we are going to go on holiday...when everywhere is booked up. We may just have a staycation at Brecon where he lives and go out for days and good meals. He can get cover from work so it leave us free to have some long days out and some good walks rather than having to dash back every 4 hours to see to the dogs.

Saturday 15 August 2020 VJ Commemoration Day

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Happy

Journal

07:37:29 Should have plenty of time after the VJ Day commemorations at Chester Cathedral to get ready to go to Lancaster this evening...I usually aim to get there around 4. ******* I can’t say that I was looking forward to going to Chester Cathedral for the Service and wreath laying, but I donned my new blue polka dot palazzo pants and blue suede coat and did my hair and make up and was ready to face the world. I greatly enjoyed getting back to work. It all went well even though it was constrained into a small side chapel everyone wearing masks. The Mayor and Lord Lieutenant looking particularly weird wearing them. I wore a buff with our logo on which I loosely pulled over my face when required. All the masks mean that the normal Social Media posts are out too. Who wants to see a load of faceless people?

During the wreath laying outside we didn’t need to wear masks and it was a moving Act of Remembrance with many people standing outside on the street and watching. Later there was coffee, and masks were off for that too, although Social Distancing meant that networking was difficult- you couldn’t pass on your business card nor shake hands, at least there was a common topic of conversation. But I did enjoy it. It was just so darned good to be back at work....properly. There was a street market Food Festival on in Chester and a there was a stall selling freshly baked Gluten- Free products so I splashed out in some pies and a pudding for Samuel. It is Payday after all. Got to Lancaster at around 4 – it was great to see everyone and again I really appreciate my wonderful family. Sunday 16 August 2020 Weather: Drizzly Mood: Happy

I didn’t sleep well last night. Unusually, I didn’t get to bed until quite late as I stayed up talking with Samuel and Sarah until past midnight and stupidly we ended up talking about CV... which unsettled my mind and so sleep was slow to come. 5 hours and 51 mins from 00.55 to 8.25...but was awake 1 hour 37 min and 54 deep.

Journal

Spencer rang last night and we are going to have a holiday together using his place as a base. He will get cover and I will book time off. It means that we can discover far more of the larger area where he lives without the need to dash back for the dogs. It will be the 3rd week in Sept. 09:11:45 Sarah is eager to get back to her work at the University library but Samuel and Sarah are very much of the opinion that lockdown was necessary and the disease is a serious threat. Their reasoning being that they know of good friends who have serious health conditions who believe they could die if they get it. But CV didn’t cause those conditions and of course I agree that these type of people do need to self isolate. However, I still think that the 41,000 deaths in the UK (now revised from 46,000 death by the Government...as they realise that even that was exaggerated) of mainly elderly vulnerable people did not merit changing our entire way of life and affecting all corners of our culture. Many Theatres, Galleries, cinemas and all aspects of the Arts have been decimated by this. Young talented people who had their hearts set on the entertainment business now have their futures ruined.... and that is just a tiny aspect of the whole thing. I am still very, very sceptical.

There is huge concern for people’s mental health and reports of increases in suicides and death by domestic violence as well as an increase in the consumption of alcohol. Had a lovely day, but didn’t do too much. Walked up to the allotment with Samuel and my daughter in law Sarah came up after church. The girls have been fairly scarce all day as they play with their friends next door. It was brilliant to look at the veg all over the plot and the good amount of growth...including pumpkins and squashes which spread like alien tentacles across the plot and up the fence. Samuel cooked his courgette soufflé for lunch and we had the gluten free lemon pudding I’d bought. Later when the girls had again decamped next door Sarah played her guitar for me and sang a wonderful song which she had composed about Love. It was so lovely to hear such a moving tribute to her life and love for my son. I am indeed a lucky woman...it was quite perfect. Tuesday 18 August 2020 Weather: Sunny Mood: Happy

Journal

As we are now allowed to meet one to one with colleagues in work I had a long walk with Hayley and we had a good few hours walk. As there is not a lot of work to do at the moment we did this with our Manager’s blessing the interests of our Health and Wellbeing.

Wednesday 19 August 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

Money issues

The PCP (Personal Contract Plan) deal on my Honda Civic has now come to an end. I have paid over £8000 over 37 months and I have the option to buy it for around £5000 or trade it in which I feel may be a better option. I don’t really want to end up with an unreliable 2nd car I am running into the ground...

Journal

There has been much talk about the increase in drinking alcohol during lockdown. I was listening to the ‘Alex & Lisa’ Sober Experiment Podcast talking to Lucy Spraggan about her sober journey. She said people drink because they’re bored, they don’t realise that but they are. But she had realised after drinking for hours at a Festival ‘trying to make it fun’ that she was done with it.

It struck me as so true. We just drink this poison to try and make things great/fun/more interesting ...when they are we do it to try and make them even better.. but all we’re doing is dulling a great/fun/interesting time so we won’t be part of it or feel it any more. Where’s the sense in that? Truth is, things, events, meet ups, parties are either great or...they’re not...adding alcohol doesn’t help much. Well, it might at the beginning, but getting pissed definitely doesn’t help at all. That phrase ‘trying to make it fun’ stuck me.

Thursday 20 August 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

Journal

08:06:48 It’s so great to hear that Spencer is back in his routine of going to places like Coffee#1 and seeing real people again after so many lonely hours there in the Brecon Beacons. He leads a very secluded life up there with the dogs.

Similar to us last night out with friends at our favourite Indian Restaurant Anise. It was packed! And our meal of £72.00 cost us just £42.00....(because of the ‘Eat Out to Help Out’ scheme)....so it was a bargain.. However, I felt that things are not the same, the (usually very jolly and communicative) staff there were wearing masks and there was an underlying tension. Although I have to say that the food was excellent as usual and at least there weren’t shower curtains between the tables (as I have seen in other places!) just some rather discrete and decorative screens. But the experience of eating & drinking out has changed hugely. It was also so, so good to sit and talk to my friends rather than on a screen...which is not the same thing at all.

Friday 21 August 2020

Weather: Windy

Mood: Very Happy

It was my 100th check in at the Calm meditation app.

Money issues

As I drove to the Honda Showroom, I pondered whether I was going to be told I had to wear a mask as it is in England. But no, it is a large airy place and although I spoke to the salesman from other side of a Perspex screen (which even he seemed to find annoying) there was no demand that I were a muzzle. I have chosen my new car a Honda Civic Turbo Prestige automatic and it will be with me by the weekend. I made a down payment of £250, but it’s going to cost me £299 per month which is a lot more than the 217 I pay at the moment, but I can afford that. It’s a lovely car and it’s red.... I also have 3 free Services....I will also now have to pay road tax...I didn’t have to on my old car.... An automatic is something I’ve never owned before, although I have driven them and in the test drive I got used to it straight away...

It’s Friday……. it’s BookClub tonight.

Sunday 23 August 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Happy

Journal

My cat Lois is not well. He has not eaten his regular food for a few days and is losing weight. But he must be in pain....so I’ll need to get him to the vets....but they’re so locked down there that I doubt that they want

anyone there... I’ll phone them today. Even though it’s Sunday... ****** Bit of a hectic day.... I phoned the Vets and they told me to bring him round at 2.30.

I manhandled him into the cat carrier and he yowls away as soon as I close the door. I rang the vet as I sat in the can when I get to the surgery. He comes out in full PPE and takes Lois in his cat carrier from me, while I wait in the car park. Twenty minutes later the vet tells me that basically half his teeth need to be removed...the cost? At least FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS!!. Still, I have no option there as he is otherwise fine and vet says they will clean up his other teeth and will be fine after it. I was still pretty shocked, but a walk with a podcast in my ears soon settled me and 10,000 steps later, I’d come to terms with it. The only other alternative would be to have him put down as he is in pain, but that is not something I would do to a healthy cat…

Monday 24 August 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Neutral

Journal

Got Lois to the vets for his operation at 8.15 am. I went for a run at 3.15 and got back just in time to drive up to pick up Lois from the vets. He was fine...making his usual row...so he was recovering well. He wolfed down 2 tins of pate but was still a bit restless, so he’s probably still in pain I think. Tuesday 25 August 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Happy

Money issues

The final bill for Lois was £533.00.

Journal

Went into town to post the parcel for my new great Nephew Baby Klaus in Sweden. Wrexham Town was particularly bleak. However I took advantage of the free parking (the best option as it’s underground) and searched for what I needed there. There were a surprising amount of cars there and it was fairly busy, but it is the School Holidays. I later discovered that the Odeon was open and was showing a film. Quite a few people were wearing masks even some making their children wear them, but I am trying very

hard to just accept people who do this and not get upset about it. I ignore them and don’t meet their eyes. I wear a smile to and give a friendly look to the poor shop assistants who have to look at faceless mumbling masses everyday, although in Wales it is still not compulsory. But the endless ‘do this, do that’ instructions wherever you look and the continual tannoy announcements telling us how safe we are being kept do nothing to make one ‘feel safe’. Some shops even have some poor sod at the entrance whose job it is to demand that you use the hand sanitiser before you enter. The measures only serve to instil fear and panic and keep it firmly in place. What are the latest numbers on CV? I have no idea. Am I scared of getting it? No. I looked in vain for what I wanted in the shops, the shelves aren’t empty, but there is nothing worth buying...and there are no people in them. Some shops put a limit on how many people can enter...but these measures are not needed as the shops are empty of people. I later went to other retail parks, but it was the same thing there. The spacious Costas by the gym is open and people are sitting in there but as I queued I noticed that half of the tables were blocked off and then we were told we’d have to sit outside with our coffee so it’s not the same at all. I walked out and so did another customer. There was also a very small ‘track and trace’ notice with a QR Code on it right up by the till. I presume that we were supposed to scan it having downloaded the Costa app, (which I don’t have) but there was no encouragement to use this and I’m not really sure that anyone was....It strange that the tables were blocked off. They weren’t in Anise the other night and I don’t see the need. So my longed for Costa coffee with friends is still a long way off.

Thursday 27 August 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Very Happy

Journal

New car day!! I picked it up and it is perfect only 7,000 miles on the clock.

Friday 28 August 2020

Weather: Drizzly

Mood: Very Happy

Journal

It’s Friday!! Have a good weekend planned with a walk with Penny on Saturday and with Georgie on Bank Holiday Monday.

Saturday 29 August 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Very Happy

Journal

08:46:35 Ritta has found a good little 5 mile walk for us today, and the weather looks better, if a bit breezy, so we’re looking forward to a good day. Lois is lying beside me giving himself a good wash and seems to be much more relaxed. I am introducing more lumps into his food and he is clearing the bowl overnight when I’m not around to moan at.... ************ Well we started off having a wonderful walk, lots of views really lovely soft grass path high in grassy slopes and talking, talking, talking.....but as we came out of the forest we lost our way. Looking back, we should have just followed the stream, but when I checked my phone, I realised we had lost GPS, and so we walked the way that we thought, but kept having to double back.

Then we stopped and asked the way back, the chap in a car who looked at us as though we were asking the way to SAN Jose….. In retrospect, I realise that he was not a walker and had not a clue. Looking at the map, he could have told us the way from there and we were just a mile or so from it. Then we asked a cyclist who of course only knew cycle routes and was about the same amount of use. Eventually (several miles later) we went with our gut feeling which were to follow the stream...which we did. But by this time it was very late ...we eventually reached the car about 6.30pm having walked about 12 miles! Spencer is a trained Mountain Guide and talked me through it. Have learned a few lessons

1. Make sure to keep checking the route throughout the walk 2. Take a map 3. Plan the walk

Sunday 30 August 2020

Weather: Sunny

Mood: Very Happy

Journal

The weather looks good today, but we have all noticed that Autumn coolness now. Yesterday when we were on higher ground it was quite cold and we even needed gloves. So my favourite season begins. I will watch as the trees on the other side of the field start to show their autumn colours and gradually lose them

as their leaves go to a better place...Leaving them stark and naked for their winter sleep. I love the crispness and rustle of leaves in the woods and am so looking forward to getting this new intimacy with Erddig wood as I run through there every other day....️️ ******** Did some shopping and then went to see Julie. She told me that her friend is keeping her well supplied with food and puddings and still insists on sitting in the garden to talk to her.

Bank Holiday Monday 31 August 2020

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Wondering

Making a mental note that I should not have started looking at the truth about CV because I am meeting Georgie who still believes that this thing is going to kill us and she is going to catch it if she doesn’t remain at home or be vigilant. I love my friend but if we start talking about it we shall disagree..... Anyway, meeting her at 10.30 today so will need to get a picnic and be out of the house by 9.50 to meet her at the car park the weather looks good...with no rain forecast. 19:37:59 Another long walk...didn’t really plan to it be but it was over 10 miles. But the weather was perfect and it was a lovely walk and we really enjoyed it.

There’d been some protests in London over the weekend against the controls on our freedoms due to CV.

Actress Denise Welch has been very verbal against the MSM’s reporting of the virus. Questioning why there is a daily report in deaths from CV, when there are far more deaths from cancer and flu. The daily reportage emphasises ‘cases’ which merely means someone who has tested positive for CV. One week in lockdown reported 5 domestic violence deaths in a week and 20 suicides per month....and even more deaths are expected because of lack of cancer screenings which have been suspended. Masks are to be made mandatory in schools despite the chances of a person under 19 catching the virus are the same as them being struck by lightning. There have been to date about 700,000 deaths across the World due to CV ... putting it at no. 20 in the lists of killer diseases......The disease is so asymptomatic that people have to be tested to know if they even have it. The most common symptom of it is that there is no symptom.... Many comparisons are made between CV and the 1918 flu epidemic. Yet if the figures for that were applied to today’s World global population it would equate to 250,000 M deaths...but no restrictions or house arrests were enforced during that time then even though the health service was much less advanced....

Many of my friends are now remarking that fear and the restrictions and the effect this thing is having on our everyday lives is now getting worse even though the ‘curve’ is now flattening, and cases and deaths are decreasing. On 19th Aug there were apparently no deaths from CV and yet the MSM did not report this fact. It’s as though we are being kept in fear….