Corona Diaries

Kinsley “Still debating the getting pregnant thing. Might just need to go for it and see what happens!”

Background information Female, Aged 35-44, Working in Education, Living in Switzerland, White British, Heterosexual, Unmarried – Living with Long Term Partner, One Child Aged 3.

January 1st, 2020, first entry I started a ‘One Line A Day’ 5 year diary, which so far I have kept up. I write about the mundane features of

the day, my frustrations, my hopes, my dreams, my experiences as a Mother, partner, sister, daughter,

friend, ‘ex-pat/immigrant’ in Switzerland and Assistant Head in an International School.

To add flesh to the bones of my COVID-19 reflections, I tracked back through the diary entries and added

some further reflections to expand on how I felt or what my thoughts were at the time.

January 24th 2020 T (my brother) met us for dinner in N…. tonight. H (my 2 year old) not well – fever last night but at school

today.

This entry only became relevant much later on as we started to become suspicious of the narrative that

COVID-19 only hit Europe around late Feb/March. H didn’t display many symptoms and appeared to still be

well in himself, throwing up and forcing us to abort a trip to the mountains but well enough to carry on as

normal after a couple of days. Four days later…

January 28th 2020 Made it to French class tonight but feeling horrendous.

No-one in Europe was really talking about COVID-19 other than a couple of news articles that were

reporting on the situation in Wuhan as a ‘China’ issue. We lived in China from 2013 – 2016 so my Mum had

commented on how glad she was that we weren’t still there, how awful it would be to go into lockdown and

we’d idly wondered about whether we would have tried to get a repatriation flight back to the UK or stayed

put. An article on ‘how to protect yourself from Coronavirus infection’ was a story in the Guardian but at this

point it was still being described as a type of flu and we felt a sort of disconnected curiosity and no fear of

the impact it might later have on the rest of the world.

January 29th 2020 Came home from school feeling terrible.

I work in an International School and around this time there was a huge spike in illness amongst both staff

and students. One young, healthy male teacher was in hospital suffering from pneumonia and the school

was half full after a ski trip week where an illness ravaged the staff/students and many took the next week

off.

January 30th 2020 I have flu. It sucks. Have quarantined myself upstairs in an attempt to stop everyone else getting it. Feel

like a shit Mum. Don’t want H to get it so have hardly seen him.

Having never had flu before I wasn’t sure what to expect. I remember aching the most, a continuous fever,

not a real cough apart from for maybe a day, headaches, zero energy. If I put the symptoms into a COVID

checker now it suggests that I am likely to have it and should quarantine and self-isolate etc etc.

February 1st 2020 It’s the weekend. I still have flu.

February 2nd 2020 Perhaps feeling slightly better? Flu injection for everyone next year. This has not been fun…

February 4th 2020 Back at work but still not 100%. Don’t think I have ever been so ill? Feels like I have a lot to do now to catch

up. H told me ‘this is a beautiful house, Mummy’. Cheers kid! Needed that.

February 6th 2020

Options evening. Long day and still not feeling recovered from flu.

So who knows whether this was it or not? I’d like to think I’ve had it and survived but in reality, this could

just as easily have been fly or even another virus. The argument for antibody tests is strong but at the time

of writing it still isn’t clear whether having COVID-19 once will create immunity that will protect you from

getting it again in the long term or even short term.

February 25th 2020 Coronavirus getting closer – lots of deaths in Italy. I don’t really understand the Science and a lot of people

still saying it’s just like a bad case of flu (having recently had that I definitely don’t want it again!) but it’s

closed a couple of UK schools and fear is definitely increasing.

This is the next time I mention it. A ‘pandemic’ was being mentioned but hadn’t officially been stated. Italy

was struggling with a lockdown and the UK was seemingly doing well with a track and trace policy.

February 28th 2020 Crazy day. Coronavirus drama. K resigned. Possible opening for DH position. What do I do?

The ‘drama’ referred to is when the situation finally impacted on our local school population. A group of

students travelling in Tanzania were faced with the situation of s student who had travelled from Thailand

suddenly becoming sick with ‘Corona-like’ symptoms. We spent the morning phoning parents and the wider

organisation decided to get the students repatriated as soon as possible. Even then, I was still more

concerned with internal politics and job-related worries!

March 6th 2020 Coronavirus concerns rumble on. Not sure how much of it is media hype and how much to worry? Carrying

on with normality until told otherwise!

This was prescient as 2 days later our school closed. We have not been back since.

March 8th 2020 Went to A….for lunch – nice trip but home to news school is closed tomorrow as T- has tested positive for

coronavirus!

A colleague called with this news as I was bathing H and K was on his way back from taking his Mum (in

her 70s) to the airport. She’d flown over for the weekend and I remember questioning her every time she

cleared her throat. Was she ok? Did she have any other symptoms? For a while we were

really concerned we might have passed something on to her and made her ring 111 as soon as she got

home. The helpline said she should isolate for 14 days, which she did…to be honest it made little difference

to her daily routine but she turned out to be fine! We had been in school for a week with our colleague who

had caught the virus the weekend before and only decided to go home from work as the symptoms were so

bad on the Friday. At this point, people were still almost joking about catching the virus and although we

were starting to get more wary, the next few days were when a perceptible shift happened in mentality and

how we approached the new ‘normal’.

March 9th 2020 Went into school for a staff meeting. We’re closed for 2 weeks. Decided we need a clear plan for how

we’re going to manage life and work.

I remember this as being a really surreal day. We had gone from a pretty abstract set of circumstances and

worries to the virus directly impacting our lives. K initially didn’t seem to cope very well and mourned the

loss of interaction at work and worried about the impact on H. There was apprehension but everything was

also tinged with that sense of nervous excitement and feeling of behaving illicitly that you sometimes get

with a ‘snow-day’. I felt overwhelmed with how we were going to manage teaching as well as a 2-yr-old and

immediately made a list of activities that we could do with him worrying about how we would fill the

time. There were also some ground rules about exercising and maintaining a positive attitude as well as

limiting screen time, which we never looked at again! Screen time has just become a means of survival and

my relationship with my phone has become more and more unhealthy. Exercise, however, I think has been

a saviour and without that time carved into every day, I imagine my mood and mental health would have

been a lot worse. At this stage, we only really had Italy and maybe France to look at for comparisons and

there was a sense of impending doom for a while that we would be restricted from going outside. Luckily,

that has never happened, and we have made sure we all do that at least once a day.

March 10th 2020

Hour of work each and then a trip out seemed to work quite well. Can see the TV being quite heavily

used…

This plan very quickly changed once we realised how much extra time and input was needed with full on

online teaching, live lessons, meetings and everything we each had to get through in a day. For the first

week, the pressure was off a little bit as ‘online school’ hadn’t really started yet so we used the time around

lunch to go out with H and fit the work around that.

March 11th 2020 Day 1 of e-learning went pretty well…but as K said – it’s only Day 1! Difficult to manage with H and I can

imagine work/home is going to blur.

After a couple of days, we had to find a solution for the blurring. It just wasn’t feasible to be playing trains

and trying to reply to an email whilst sprawled on the floor. I took to working on the spare room bed but that

also did funny things to the mind as if it wasn’t quite sure what mode it should be switched on to. In the end,

we moved a desk into the spare room and that has become a space for us both to work (separately) and for

other pursuits. I’m writing now, sat there with the lake just visible from the window and a view of the giant

mountains peeping deliciously from behind some trees. It’s snow-capped and bathed in late evening light

and it promises something other than the restricted version of the life we are currently treading water in. A

heron has just flown past, beating its wings, gracefully free and alive.

March 12th 2020 We are now officially in a pandemic. This is very scary.

I remember being terrified by a UK press conference on this day where Boris Johnson stated that: “It is

going to spread further and I must level with you, I must level with the British public: many more families are

going to lose loved ones before their time.” This seemed like such a callous thing to say and almost an

admission that the government were giving up. In hindsight, as the death toll has mounted rapidly, it was a

prophetic warning of the tragedy that was about to unfold.

March 13th 2020

All schools closed in Switzerland. Hugely stressed and worried as parents refuse to believe they’re ‘elderly’

and won’t do any social distancing! Girls all seem to think things will be ok. I’m getting more anxious.

This was the evening where I went a little mad! There were frantic Whatsapp chats backwards and

forwards between my parents, my brother and I and between groups of friends in the UK. I felt like I had

been given prior knowledge of a disaster that could save everyone I loved, but I was shouting about it into

an abyss. No-one living in the UK seemed to want to believe things could be, or would be, as bad as Italy. I

searched for more and more sensational articles and forwarded a thread from a Italian CEO who had

written to one of my friends explaining the situation in Italy, frankly and sombrely. His message had said

that she needed to take the virus seriously, it wasn’t ‘just a flu’ and that Italian hospitals were having to

operate ‘war-time’ rules. Over 65s were being left to die.

March 14th 2020 Expecting there to be further restrictions any day now. Can’t go anywhere as nowhere to go! Have to stay

as positive as possible but mentally very tough.

The first few days were disorientating. The previous week had been a bit like a snow day vacation. We’d

been half expecting to be called back to work but that fleeting hope was fading and long stretches of time

with nothing to fill them were intimidating. My biggest anxiety continued to be my parents but my brother

was also travelling in New Zealand and I wanted him to come home so he was around if we needed him.

March 15th 2020 Went to the local municipality and walked today. Was lovely but sad as we don’t know how long we’ll be able to do that for. Skype chats are the way forward! Spoke to (parents and friends in Malaysia) today – difficult decisions to make…

Our friends in Malaysia were shocked to hear about how quickly things had changed for us and were

debating whether to continue with a planned holiday where their parents were going out to stay with them

or whether one of them should fly back to the UK to be with them there. The very next day, they also went

into lockdown! Decision made.

March 16th 2020 France is now totally locked down. We’re in partial lockdown so still allowed outside. How long for? Angry

with (my Dad) for going to squash tonight.

I completely lost it with my Dad. It felt so personal that he would go out, play squash, drink in a pub when I

thought they had come around to the understanding that their lives were at risk! It felt like he didn’t care

about me, my Mum, the rest of my family and I just cried and raged and cried and raged.

March 17th 2020 UK starting to panic a bit now but still not really clear what to do so people still going about their normal

lives. Finding work and this very stressful.

This first week of uncertainty was tough. Once we knew lockdown was going to be for a while and I felt that

my parents had finally understood the severity of everything, work became easier as I could work out a

schedule that worked. I even found I had time to do other things, which I would never have been able to do

whilst physically at work.

March 18th 2020 UK now shutting down schools. Mitigation strategy not working. Boris not looking good. Exams all

cancelled! But we still don’t know for us.

As an ‘ex-pat’/ ‘immigrant’, someone living in a country other than their own, there is often a

disconnection between you and the current zeitgeist. Over the 7 years we have lived outside of the UK, I

have almost enjoyed this isolation. In China, our struggles with the language and the barriers we faced

integrating with the local population made our lack of awareness somehow more acceptable. Here, I

sometimes feel that we should know more and make more effort to be involved in our local community.

During this pandemic, our symbiotic relationship with the UK has become more of a conflict.

Although we have had to engage with Swiss local and national news in order to make a judicious

assessment of personal risk, our view of the pandemic has largely come from UK-centric media. As

government mismanagement becomes more and more obvious, our feelings of anxiety for friends and

family and embarrassment over how the UK is being viewed by the rest of Europe only increases.

March 19th 2020 Exam conference with SLT – feels awful not having answers for the kids but increasingly likely they’ll be

cancelled.

This news threw up a whole spectrum of emotions for the students I have been guiding for over two years

to pass their exams, as well as for me as a teacher. No exams on the surface seemed like a great result,

but students suffered as a certainty was suddenly removed from their world, as well as the many rites of

passage that go hand in hand. No last day of school, no study leave, no graduation ceremony, no long hot

summer filled with all the rituals of youth, and no sense of closure at leaving your school days behind

you. Teachers were suddenly in a position of not having any answers (a lot of the time we’re making them

up on the fly anyway but still!) and having to ensure predicted grades and rankings matched what students

had achieved up to now, but also how they might hypothetically have performed in a final exam. The

destinations of the 2020 cohort will be interesting to track. Some may find themselves deferring university

places indefinitely while the rules are rewritten, and lectures move online; some may struggle in a world

where unemployment has suddenly become the reality for many, and job opportunities are likely to be more

and more fiercely fought for.

March 20th 2020 New upsets every day at the moment. Death rate increasing in the UK. New Zealand now shutting down.

Borders closing. Counsellor chat helped today.

On March 17th, a death toll of 20,000 was reported as a ‘good outcome’ by the chief scientific advisor. This

seemed staggering and many were shocked. As of 1st June, the death toll has now hit 38,489, 200ish

people are still dying every day and around 2,000 positive tests are being recorded. Who knows how many

are going unreported? Transparency and accuracy are not this government’s noted character traits. New

Zealand and Jacinda Ardern, however, received many accolades for their prompt and clear response to the

crisis, locking down when the country had suffered minimal impact and now demonstrating no new cases in

nearly two weeks.

The counsellor chat referred to here came about because I recognised that the bubbling anxiety I was

feeling needed to be addressed and dealt with if I was going to have any chance of getting a handle on

things. Luckily I had access to a sympathetic listener through school and after one 45 minute session

where I unloaded my worries about my family, my brother being stuck in New Zealand, myself and my

partner getting it and being unable to look after our son, being stuck in a foreign country without support

etc etc, I felt the load lift slightly. We asked a close friend in Switzerland whether her and her husband

would take our son if we both became incapacitated or, worst case, needed the hospital. After they agreed

to loco parentis until a family member could get here, we felt much better and in the next few days, putting

in practical steps and logistics meant that the anxiety was banished, and I even began to enjoy the stripped

back to basics lockdown life. Our family bubble was safe, we were still employed, we lived in a beautiful

country where so far there were no great restrictions on our freedom of movement outside of the

house. We were lucky.

March 21st 2020 Saturday so no work but limited options. Cycled to R- and had picnic lunch. Saw B and family. T finally

getting flight back to the UK. Relieved. He can keep an eye on Ma and Pa.

It was strange seeing people we knew and having to keep a distance. Luckily, the kids were quite wary of

each other anyway so we discussed the upcoming federal conference which was supposed to give us more

of an idea of any changes to the restrictions in place. With what was happening in France (a more severe

response where residents needed signed attestations to go outside) we were worried this would end up

being the case in Switzerland too. In the end, it was a much more libertarian response and the conference

mostly focused on how the borders were being shored up and how many people had been caught illegally

trying to cross into the country through the fields!

March 22nd 2020 Hard day. H just wants to watch TV! We’re letting him more and more. Hide and seek in the forest but a

funny Mother’s Day. T – stranded in NZ.

The saga of my brother being stuck in New Zealand continued to dominate the next few days with a

number of flights being bought and then abandoned as air spaces and transit hubs were closed down

without warning. Eventually he found a second family to take him in for the duration and then worries

turned to whether he was having slightly too much fun with them and if we’d ever get him back!

March 23rd 2020 UK now in lockdown. No going out unless it’s key work, shopping, exercise once a day. Glad it’s got

serious.

March 24th 2020 Much better day today. H and I went to the lake, threw stones and watched a swan. Peaceful and no one

around. Exams now totally cancelled.

Without the pressure of exams, everything became a bit easier work wise as we suddenly lost our Diploma

students and could do some project-based work with the Year 11s. Working from home eventually started

to be become something we enjoyed and the flexibility of it, plus the time it allowed us to spend outside and

with H was a definite bonus.

March 25th 2020 Medium day. H seems to be struggling a bit. Lazy when we’re outside and only seems happy watching

Thomas! Big change for him. Hard to see the end.

March 26th 2020 Starting to get a bit panicked about Easter holidays when there won’t be a routine…what will we do??!!

It was amazing how quickly we became reliant on the day to day / weekly routine we’d created for

ourselves and how deviation from that started to provoke anxiety. Normally the holiday would be a huge

relief but two weeks solely at home wasn’t really something we’d ever done since living away from the

UK. Luckily, it turned out to be much better than anticipated!

March 27th 2020 In an ironic twist, Boris Johnson, Matt Hancock and the chief medical advisor all have COVID! Feeling

deflated and both in bed super early.

March 28th 2020 Arboretum was packed today! Need to head more off the beaten track for our walks. Virtual drinks with E

and K. Deaths over 1,000 in the UK now.

We were still feeling our way around the boundaries of risk and what we felt comfortable with. At the time,

we were still very conscious of people in outdoor spaces and were instilling the need in H for him to stay at

a distance, not touch things like the lift buttons or door handles and going to the local botanical garden

(forested area) with many other people with the same idea, was a little stressful!

March 29th 2020 Great walk exploring the ruins of a monastery near Arzier. Sad at news this could be our reality for at least

6 months.

Looking back at the timescales, 6 months seems paltry. Now I am sad that this could be our reality for

years. How perceptions can change!

March 30th 2020 An ok day back in the routine of school work. Started 30-day yoga challenge. Going to try and add other

things into weekly routine.

I’ve never really been a fan of yoga in the past as it’s always seemed a bit of a sedate way to exercise…is it

really doing anything of benefit? However, I do love a challenge. So, 30 days of yoga I proceeded to do.

And 30 days of yoga I actually ended up enjoying!

March 31st 2020 Spoke to T. Some flights now appearing in NZ but still seems risky. He’s safe there for now. Mr P’s front

tooth has fallen out!

Yep. My Dad went through most of the UK lockdown with no front tooth. I have to say our Skype sessions

got less and less cosmetically pleasing as untamed hair also started to become more noticeable. With the

recent opening of dentists and hairdressers, at least a modicum of respectability has returned although it’s

been a long long time since I’ve had my own hair cut…

April 1st 2020 Death rate in UK has shot up. 500 dead in one day. They’re saying this is the greatest challenge the world

has faced since WWII.

The partisan approach many countries adopted is now being exposed as ineffectual in dampening the

pandemic. As the WHO initially stated, in a globalised world, countries will need to work together to form a

common approach to tackling the virus if we are going to come through this as a global population.

April 2nd 2020 Can’t decide what to do about trying for another baby. Is it ridiculous to think about that in the middle of this

mess?! National Theatre Live have started putting past productions on You Tube Live. One Man

Two Guv’nors. Welcome relief.

Small things started

April 3rd 2020 Hard to see an end in sight… Have postponed trying for a baby for now.

April 4th 2020 Weather is beautiful. People in UK don’t seem to be able to observe social distancing very well. Photos of

people sunbathing in parks appearing etc

April 5th 2020 Actually had a really lovely weekend! If there wasn’t a continued existential threat I think I’d be very

content…BJ admitted to hospital tonight.

April 6th 2020 Got a tick in my leg! Now I have COVID and Lyme’s disease to fear. E – and K – keep sending us

challenges to do. Passes the time!

April 7th 2020 Keeping up with the yoga challenge and feeling so much stronger. Definitely a benefit is having more time

for exercise and other interests.

April 8th 2020 H – thinks her Mum has COVID… Easter baking and craft with H today. He’s not one for crafting…

April 9th 2020 End of term. K’s assembly was a virtual triumph! Feeling generally content but worried about the exit

strategy! Two weeks without a routine now with limited places to go.

April 10th 2020 Good Friday! Nice day pottering at home and a bike ride. Decided to train for ½ marathon when the

Geneva race would have been – 1 month to go!

April 11th 2020 Fun day! Walk in Luins then got drunk on Aperol Spritz on the balcony while H watched TV! Not great

parenting but needed!

April 12th 2020 Easter Sunday. Missing family but H was super excited about the Easter bunny coming so was really

fun! Want to do something for other people so going to work on a sponsored exercise event.

April 13th 2020 Feeling generally content but one news headline or thought can knock that eg. In France lockdown

extended till May 11th but then schools go back – how can that be right?

April 14th 2020 Spent most of the day making a ‘Hey Dougee’ puppet show! H was so funny trying to create his first play

and putting on voices!

April 15th 2020 Need to be more disciplined with social media. So many people are posting that partners / parents are

dying that it skews your voice. Worried about what Swiss will announce tomorrow.

April 16th 2020 Feeling tired, hurt my back and feeling anxious at the news we’ll likely be back in school by May

11th…Worried we will all be at risk in a school.

April 17th 2020 Bit ‘meh’ today. Guess you should expect sad days too and there were good bits, but I just felt like I had no

energy to play or any motivation to do anything. Back didn’t help.

April 18th 2020 T – flying back from NZ…Hard to know when anything will be ‘normal’ again. Wish we could know whether

we’ve already had it or not.

April 19th 2020 Days passing relatively quickly. Worried H is picking up on things without us realising. Telling his animals,

‘Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe!’ Heartbreaking.

April 20th 2020 Managed 10km today but need to decide whether ½ marathon is realistic for 10th May. H went to bed easier

with K. Did ‘float or sink’ experiment! Trying to come up with little activities to keep him going.

April 21st 2020 Days are passing quickly and peacefully! It’s amazing how quickly you get used to things. UK news says

it’s likely social distancing will be in place for a year…

April 22nd 2020 Gorgeous weather today. We did a great walk in the home appliances store– H will still go in the carrier

(although pretty heavy!) so about 6km and some gruffalo hunting.

April 23rd 2020 Heard that H could go back to school next week! Terrifying and will have to shift world view. Our return date

likely to be May 11th.

April 24th 2020 Made pizza from scratch -H loved it! Seems to really enjoy baking etc. Very polarised response to going

back to school. They’ve started with young kids in Scandinavia saying they aren’t as badly affected.

April 25th 2020 Mental health took a dive today but I think it’s a combo of having trouble sleeping, trying to deny we have to

go back to school, anxiety over getting sick and not seeing Ma and Pa for a year.

April 26th 2020 12km today…feeling it but hoping I can still pull 21km out the bag for the challenge. Back to virtual school

tomorrow. Hopefully routine will help my sleep and mood improve.

April 27th 2020 Back to ‘work’ today. Thoroughly deflating meeting with SLT and then KF about going back. If we do on

11th it will not be school as we know it.

April 28th 2020 Some small hope that either government might put back school opening date or we’ll be allowed to work

from home…

April 29th 2020 Good to chat to Nyon Mums tonight and catch up with Zoom drinks. Is this the new way of socialising here

to stay?

April 30th 2020 Still debating the getting pregnant thing. Might just need to go for it and see what happens!

May 1st 2020 Feeling so anxious now about the thought of going back to work. Ducklings born today! H will start back

on Monday. Feels like an economic rather than health decision.

May 2nd 2020

Managed 15km run but was then completely wiped out for the rest of the day. H insisted on going out after

tea to puddle jump! Will miss him when he’s at school.

May 3rd 2020 So anxious about H having to go in tomorrow. He said he’s excited but hope he’s ok. Also increasingly

anxious about going back.

May 4th 2020 H loved it! We picked him up at lunchtime and he said ‘I didn’t cry. I was a big boy!’ I didn’t like being in but

because I’m scared people won’t social distance – it’s not human nature to.