Corona Diaries

Lily “I also posted a form about my will. I am getting it done in case the worst should happen. I have been intending to do it for some time but now it seems more urgent.” Background Information

Female, aged 64-76, former Carer, current GP receptionist, South Coast of England, Married, 2 Adult sons.

Reflection of February 2020 In February 2020 I had quite a sociable month. The weather was beginning to improve, and I had planned to catch up with some of my friends. I met up with several of them and we always went out for lunch or coffee. There was social contact at Church and at my part-time job. On the 11th February I went to a funeral in a nearby town. I travelled on the bus. The man who had died was a friend of my father’s. They had played together in jazz bands. He was in his eighties, and he lived alone. He was still an active man. I was told that he had visited his doctor a couple of times complaining of feeling generally unwell at the beginning of his illness but no investigations were done. He had then been found in a confused state and was taken to hospital and diagnosed with pneumonia. He died about a week later. There was a wake for him in a local pub. It was a small place, but a jazz band played and we had food and drinks. In February I was looking forward to the spring and summer and being able to go out and about in the better weather. I had started to change my eating habits as I had found that eating a large evening meal was giving me heartburn and I also wanted to lose weight. The first mention of Corona Virus in my diary was on 20th February when I heard about it on TV in Wuhan, China. Although it looked very serious, I didn’t realise how quickly it would spread.

Reflection of March 2020 On 4th March I went to another funeral of a man in his eighties who had belonged to a Church I used to attend in a town I lived in a few years ago. His family had said he was very active and was always out and about. He also lived alone and died of pneumonia. On the morning of 4th March I went to the first of our Lent studies at my local Church. We had tea and biscuits when we met. On the 6th March I went on the bus to another town and had lunch with a friend and we went around the shops. I emailed my son in Prague where he is a teacher to ask him if he had enjoyed his recent birthday. He replied that he had and that he had a gathering of his friends in a local pub. On Sunday 8th March I went to Church as usual and we met in a room at the back of the Church to have our usual tea and biscuits.

When I went to work on the Monday Corona Virus was in the news and we were all told to wash our hands frequently and they were putting up hand sanitisers in the public areas. There was quite a lot of activity and discussions about precautions and what was likely to happen in the surgery. I noticed the cup I kept on my desk had been tidied away. Around the 10th March myself and my husband began to get concerned about our son being in Prague as he lived alone and the virus was spreading. He depended on his income as a teacher of English, and he was living in a rented flat. My husband phoned him, and we said he should book a flight home. He wasn’t too concerned but by the 13th he said the streets and public transport were nearly empty. He said it was a depressing atmosphere which reminded him of his time in New York after 9/11. All his students were cancelling their lessons and the shops were poorly stocked. He had booked a flight home for the 3rd April. My husband phoned him on the 12th March and said get on a flight as soon as possible as some flights were already being cancelled in various countries. We were greatly relieved when he managed to book a flight on the 17th March but even then we were worried it might be cancelled. Thankfully he arrived home without any problems. It was a sudden exit from a country he had lived in for the past seven years. He was relieved to be home, but it was very unexpected to leave that way. My brother who lives in Thailand emails me frequently and he told me that all the schools have been shut there. On 26th March a state of emergency was declared in Thailand and the Songkran festival was cancelled. Other teachers were left in a dreadful situation in Prague with no income and rent to pay. My son said cab drivers in Prague told their passengers to keep their distance and parts of the bus where the driver sat where cordoned off. Lots of people were wearing masks. The Czech government seemed to act quickly. Later masks would be made compulsory. When I went to Church on the 15th March new social distancing measures were introduced. We were told not to hug or shake hands and to wash our hands frequently. Instead, if the collection being taken a basket was placed in the Church to put our donations in. We were told we would only have tea or coffee after the service, and we would have to collect the drinks ourselves and we would not be having any biscuits. I did not go to the next Lent study on Wednesday 18th March as I had a dental appointment. The dental surgery was the same as it usually is. There was no sanitiser anywhere and the dentist and his assistant did not mention the virus. One of the Church elders emailed me to say she could not get any hand sanitiser for the Church. People were beginning to panic buy and clear many of the shelves in the supermarkets. We went and bought a few extra tins to put in the cupboard. We did not want to panic buy but at the same time we did not want to end up with little food. As soon as they said on TV that people might panic buy, I felt annoyed. I thought now people are bound to because they will be afraid food will run out. Rather than reporting facts the media seemed to want to create a sense of fear and seemed to want a pandemic. The media also kept complaining that we weren’t being kept informed enough by the government. I thought that the government had enough to worry about without having to appear on TV when all the news could be released anyway. I think Boris Johnson had to start the daily briefings because of the constant criticism. Then I had an email from the Church to say that all Church activities were cancelled for the foreseeable future due to the virus. I felt sorry as we were in worrying times when it would have been comforting to go to Church and also to pray together. We were told to pray every evening at 9 p.m. and that there would be an online service every Sunday.

When lockdown was announced around the 22nd March I wondered if I should go to work. Nothing had been said to me about it at work. Although I am not yet in my seventies, I thought I could still be more at risk than a young person. I thought if the police asked me why I was out when I travelled home from work, I could show them my NHS card. When Boris Johnson tested positive for Covid 19 on 27th March I began to feel that this virus was different to other viruses. I think most people thought of Boris as a man who kept himself fit. If he could come down with this virus it was very worrying. When he was admitted to hospital because he was not improving it was quite shocking. I wondered how people would feel if he died. It would really affect the morale of the country. Most people I spoke to seemed to like Boris and thought he was doing his best. I thought he still looked unwell when he came out to do the clapping for keyworkers before he was hospitalised. I think he was probably vulnerable because he was under stress and working too hard when he was first diagnosed. Throughout March we were watching the figures for deaths and looking at what was happening in other countries.

April 2020 16th April 2020 I went to work yesterday. The roads are so quiet we keep arriving earlier than usual. I only saw one bus which was unusual. I have one other person working in the large room where I normally work. We wipe the computers down when we arrive and leave with some detergent wet wipes and use hand sanitiser. I also wipe all the door handles and light switches and telephones. Some of the staff downstairs were laughing with me about how our appearance could deteriorate as we cannot have our hair done. We were also saying that we were eating all the wrong things and some wear drinking more alcohol. One of the ladies said all she had for her last evening meal was chocolate and crisps. I have put on some weight because I don’t think I should diet now in case there is a food shortage later on. My plan to eat less this spring has gone out the window. I was also going to start playing tennis, but all the courts are closed. We haven’t been going to the shops so often as we used to. We went outside the front door at 8 p.m. to do the clap for the keyworkers. We live in a terrace of seven houses and most of the neighbour’s came out and some banged a saucepan with a wooden spoon. Friday 17th April 2020 Today I emailed my brother in Scotland and told him I had had a lovely email from my great niece (his granddaughter). She is 23 and works in a pub which is closed now of course. I wanted him to check on her as she lives alone and said how much she missed seeing her grandparents. My brother said she is fine and was happier as her flat mate had just come back. My brother and his wife are over seventy and so they are self-isolating. They have ordered food online. I did housework today and then went to the Iceland supermarket nearby. I used to shop there often before the lockdown, but I have not been there for about three weeks because f the queueing and mixing with people. I queued for thirty-five minutes. They let us in

one at a time. There was only one person on the till. I got quite a lot of tinned food and some Bovril and marmite. Apart from a little salad I got things that would keep. They did not have any eggs, so I had to go to a smaller shop. I was out for two hours. It is not easy to social distance all the time. One woman was only about two feet behind me in the Iceland queue. The Government are coming under fire for their handling of the outbreak. The media seem to take no account of the difficulties of manufacturing and distributing products which our firms do not normally produce. Our manufacturing base was significantly reduced in the nineteen eighties. Any government who had suggested producing a lot of PPE without any evidence that it would be needed would have been vilified by the media and the opposition. No one realised this virus would spread so quickly. I hope this will highlight how vital it is that we support our manufacturers and also our farmers so that we can produce more of our own food. This evening I played backgammon with my son. I also phoned my late father’s cousin. She lives alone about sixty miles from us and she also has COPD. She is managing alright and has had food delivered by a local scheme. She has connected with lots of groups on social media. She usually socialises a lot as she is an actress and is always involved in productions around London. It does not look as if this country will have less than twenty thousand deaths from Covid 19. This afternoon I had a call from the physiotherapy department of the local hospital. I have been waiting for an assessment appointment for the past four months. The physio did a telephone assessment which was very thorough and lasted for thirty five minutes. He took me through some exercises as I have a back problem. I was impressed that the service is carrying on despite the virus. He also emailed me an exercise sheet. The media are debating whether or not we should all be wearing masks. Tuesday 21st April I went to work today. The surgery is very quiet as usual. The staff seem subdued. All the phones are very busy. All the calls are being triaged. The big issue with the media now seems to be the perceived lack of testing. The other controversy this morning was about the figures for deaths. The government have added on some figures for deaths in care homes. The Times newspaper have estimated the number of deaths, but how can anyone be accurate unless every single person in a care home was tested before they died? Symptoms of pneumonia could be confused with Covid-19, but pneumonia is a common cause of death in elderly people. Testing is obviously key, but the logistics of getting everyone tested will not be easy. I think care homes should be given priority – both staff and residents. It looks as if the vaccine produced by Oxford University could be approved. I think they have done brilliantly to produce it so quickly. Today I sent an email to our local MP about the milk the farmer had to pour away.

Wednesday 22nd April The Chief Medical Officer says there will not be a lot of easing of restrictions for many months. I think it all depends on how soon we can get an effective vaccine and that could take a long time. I stayed at home today. I painted the back gate. Luckily, I had bought the paint before lockdown. It was sunny but windy. As usual, I did housework. My son has had universal credit approved, but he hasn’t had any money yet. He has a daily routine so that there is some structure to his day. We always watch some TV programmes in the late afternoon and early evening. In the evening, my husband and I went for a walk along the seafront and through the park. There were some people sitting on the beach. I sent an email to our local MP about the farmer who had to pour lots of milk away. I was pleased to see he thinks care homes should be more closely linked to the NHS, something I have always favoured. Thursday 23rd April I went to work. I noticed more white vans on the road. Today at work, they made a video singing a song. I did not volunteer to take part. I have plenty of admin to do. The staff seemed a bit more cheerful today. On the bus back today, there were ten people – the most there has ever been since lockdown. One elderly lady was telling another that she lived in a flat and there was very little for her to do. Three of the people on the bus were elderly and I noticed that none of them had shopping with them. There were definitely more people about today. It was a beautiful sunny day. There was also more traffic on the roads. One of the ladies on the bus told two people not to sit so close to her. They both apologised, but with ten people on a single decker, it is not as easy to distance when the area near the driver has to be cordoned off. I was glad to see the number of deaths coming down. The Welsh minister announced tighter lockdown at the weekend. Friday 24th April I got up and did some washing, but I did not feel well all day so I had to spend a lot of the day in bed. I did phone one of my old school teachers. She lives alone and will be one hundred this year. She was very stoic about the lockdown. Unfortunately, she has gone blind and already depends on other people. She is mentally alert. I said if lockdown is lifted, I will visit her. I also phoned a cousin of my late mother’s. She is over seventy and her son does her shopping and drops it on her doorstep. She went to a shop for the first time this week. I said normally we would be meeting up and going out for lunch in this nice weather, but of course we can’t now. I am always conscious that for some people, these are tragic times and simple outings are the least of their troubles.

When I am unwell, my cat always stays on the bed with me. She is a great comfort to me. I was worried when it was announced that cats are susceptible to the Coronavirus. My concern was that people might be cruel to cats, thinking that they carry the virus. My neighbours know my cat, so hopefully she will be alright. Donald Trump made some remarks about using disinfectant inside the body to kill Coronavirus. To me, the media made matters worse by reporting that he said people should inject themselves with disinfectant. I think they enjoy it when he says things thoughtlessly in public, but it is irresponsible to misreport his words so much. There was also a report here that key workers who are entitled to be tested for the virus do not need to be checked to make sure they really are key workers. I thought it was irresponsible to publicise that, as people may be tested before the key workers. Saturday 25th April I was better today, and my husband and I went to a small local supermarket. I also went to a shop that sells pharmaceuticals. There were a lot of people around. My husband does quite a bit of shopping. He has been to the big supermarkets a couple of times. He does most of the cooking in our household. He is a very good cook. I think lockdown is probably easier for women as we do still do a lot of the household chores, and that keeps us busy. My husband is glad to be working three days a week instead of full time, as he was finding full time a bit much. We both have our state pensions, but we do not have private pensions. I will have a small NHS pension, but as I spent most of my working life in private care homes, I will not get much. I am grateful for the NHS pension. I think women tend to socialise with their friends more than men. That is true of my husband. I miss meeting up with friends, but I know we must stick to social distancing. My husband has been phoning up one friend of his more often. He also phones his brother twice a week now, instead of once. His brother has cancer. He is staying at home except for hospital appointments. Sunday 26th April Today it was sunny again but not all that warm. I went for a walk with my husband. I miss Church and I have not heard from anyone from there lately. A lot of the congregation are elderly and are self-isolating. We decided to go to a shop at a retail park just along the coast. We needed some cat food and I will get 10% discount if I show my NHS card. On our way along the coastal path we encountered a lot of cyclists. Some of them were cycling two abreast and that made it difficult to avoid getting close to people despite our best efforts. We met a couple that we are friends with. We normally go out for a meal with them fairly regularly. It was nice to be able to see them and we spoke at a safe distance. We all said how there were many more people about and many more cars on the road. The lady also works in the NHS and outlined the very strict precautions they have to take, changing their clothes and shoes when they leave work. We both asked about each others grown up children. We had thought of calling in at Marks and Spencers food hall but there was a very long queue. There were also long queues for Tesco’s. We just went and got the cat food. I got my discount, but it was still a bit more expensive than the supermarkets. My cat will only eat shop bought pet food so I worry about running out.

When we came home from our walk, I did some washing. Last night I dreamt about my late mother-in-law. In my dream I had just returned from some days away and I thought “I can go and see my mother-in-law now” but then I realised that I couldn’t because of lockdown. It seemed strange when I woke up that lockdown was in my dream although my mother-in-law died some years ago. I mentioned this dream to my son, and he said lots of people were reporting dreaming of family members lately. I have dreamt of being with several deceased relatives recently. I wonder if this is expressing some subconscious anxiety about dying. In the afternoon I started to type up my Corona diary. It is awful to read about the people who have died but at the same time I feel I should read about them as they should not be just a statistic. My husband doesn’t like to watch news items where their relatives are interviewed. He thinks the media are exploiting people’s personal grief. He does not like the constant media coverage of Corona Virus. I am also concerned that we hear very little other international news at the moment. I know this is a major, unprecedented emergency worldwide, but we do not know what is going on in Syria or other places. Last evening I played backgammon again with my son. I think it is good to do things like this. It seems normal and it takes your mind off things. Monday 27th April 2020 Today I wasn’t due to go to work as I only do Monday as overtime and I do not want to do that during lockdown as it means another bus journey home. I did a lot of housework, and I was glad not to have to go out. The weather was pleasant. I watched quite a lot of the television discussions about Corona virus this morning. I also watched Boris Johnson make his speech outside ten Downing Street on his return to work after the virus. He said, as I expected, that we could not start easing lockdown yet and asked that the public would be patient. I wish the media did not keep harassing ministers about when lockdown will be eased. People are already getting restless, and the media are encouraging this by implying that the government is at fault. My son wondered if Boris Johnson would change in any way since he had had the virus. I said I thought it would give him greater empathy with those who had lost loved ones because of the virus. I also. He also appreciates how social isolation can be very difficult. I was glad to see him restored to hea lth. It feels reassuring that he is at the helm again. I was not particularly keen to have him as Prime Minister but since his determination to “Get Brexit Done” I think he is a good man to move the country forward. I know he is an admirer of Churchill, he too was a man who rose to the challenge in a crisis. Of course, everyone has flaws, but someone has to make the tough decisions. I know it must be very hard for leaders because they can never please everyone. I have been dismayed in recent years by the sheer rudeness of some political pundits when they are interviewing politicians. It is as if they think the public will admire them for being tough but to imply that ministers are not doing anything when they know full well that they are working is going too far. We do need to ask questions and hold our elected M.Ps to account but I feel some journalists allow their own political bias to show and they have no respect for the office of Prime Minister. In a time of crisis there must be some support for those who are working hard to find solutions-otherwise the anxiety in the general population will be increased.

One of the problems raised this morning was the plight of people with autism in lockdown. It is terrible for their families because people with autism cannot cope when their routine is disrupted. When my son had to leave Prague he became very anxious and he was fortunate that he had a friend who helped him to make arrangements to leave. He suffers from anxiety and this makes it harder for him to cope with stressful situations. He sometimes needs support and reassurance from me. He is highly intelligent and won two prizes from University as well as getting a first class degree and he has a doctorate but like a lot of very intelligent people he sometimes finds social interactions difficult and this has prevented him from getting the kind of employment he is qualified for. He has been a very successful teacher of English as a foreign language though but now he has no work as the students arn’t coming here. Anxiety can make people unable to make a decision and this can apply to carers who are under immense stress, as well as those they care for. If my son did not have his parents around he would be in a very precarious position, both financially and because of his mental health. Another matter of concern today was the emergence of a very serious illness in some children, some of whom but not all have tested positive for Covid 19. It emphasised to me what a strange virus this is. It is unclear whether this illness is linked to the virus but it may prove to be. My husband said that when he drove home from work there were far more cyclists on the roads and it was quite difficult driving down a country lane because there were so many of them. For the second day I have had to take strong painkillers because I have had migraine. I know this always increases when I am under stress-it is not a conscious thing but I think this atmosphere of uncertainty is not helping. I know no-one can help this current situation. We just have to get through it and observe the social distancing but I do worry about how my family would cope if I or my husband got ill. I spoke to a distant relative who is in her eighties and she said she preferred war time! She said people could socialise then and people were friendlier, although they had less. Tuesday 28th April 2020 Today I should have gone to work but I wasn’t well. I had migraine and it was severe and the tablets I took didn’t work very well so I had to stay in bed all day. I think it is only natural at the moment to wonder if you are getting Covid 19 if you feel ill in any way. I had heard that some people get a very bad headache when they have the virus. I was fairly sure that it was my usual migraine, but I told my son to stay away from me just in case. It must be depressing for him if I am in bed all day but having lived alone for long time he is used to occupying himself. I was planning to phone the doctor if I didn’t feel better tomorrow to see if he can help me with pain management, but I have been putting it off because I don’t like to trouble him while this virus is going on. I felt very much out of the loop today, but it couldn’t be helped. Wednesday 29th April There was some speculation on television this morning about whether the Prime Minister would be attending Prime Minister’s question time. Norman Smith the BBC political correspondent said he had asked Downing Street several times but had got no information. Later it was announced that the Prime Ministers partner had a baby boy in the early hours. That was obviously why the Prime Minister would not be

attending question time. I was amused that the BBC had not known about the baby being born and glad for the couple that this was kept private whilst it was going on. Today we walked to a local supermarket and bought more than we had intended. Although an employee was cleaning all the trolleys and we queued to go in there were too many people in the store at once and it was very difficult to social distance. There seems to be quite a variation in the ways social distancing is maintained in different shops. I think it is important that this is kept up for some months to come. The media are still talking about a lack of testing. It is being extended now so that more people are eligible. My husband tried to find out about it on the internet, but he kept getting videos that went on and on and he gave up in the end. Thursday 30th April I went to work today. It was wet weather so there weren’t as many cyclists in the lane. Things were just the same at work-quiet except for the phones. Some of the staff were talking about their children, particularly the teenagers who are getting to feel low because of lockdown. Boris Johnson was doing the daily up-date and said we have still a way to go but confirmed that we have passed the peak. I am now quite concerned about the long-term effects. The prospect of a world food shortage is very worrying. Now that the testing target has been reached perhaps we won’t keep hearing questions about it all the time. There were ten people on the bus again today. It was raining and when I got to the bus shelter there were eight people waiting so we couldn’t distance before we got on the bus. I went straight home as we didn’t need any shopping and it was raining hard.

May 2020 Friday 1st May 2020 Today we went out to buy milk and bread and we also went for a walk. We went to the fishmongers which we hadn’t planned to do but when we saw he had no customers we thought we would buy something. I am concerned that the smaller shops may go out of business if people don’t buy from them. We spent more than we normally would but we will make the fish last. My husband cooked smaller portions between the three of us but he put the fish in breadcrumbs which makes it go further. My husband also thinks as I do that we should eat as well as we can whilst we can as we don’t know what the future holds. We are falling into a routine on the days that we are all at home. It is a walk in the mornings and I do housework then. Then I usually look at my computer and maybe read or write. I just finished a book that my husband had. I read it because I just wanted something to read. It was by Stephen King and I had never read any of his books before so I thought I might as well. I am not sure that I am really making as much good use of this time in lockdown as I should but because we are at home more it feels a bit like a holiday time. I am missing my family and friends and really look forward to being able to go out and meet with them again. The summer before last we had a lot of people to stay in the summer. Last year I went to Thailand in April to visit my brother and his wife and my husband had a

holiday in New York. I wasn’t keen on New York as I don’t like crowded places or tall buildings. Whenever we see New York on the television my husband says “Look how crowded the pavements are.” It is no wonder the virus took such a terrible toll there. This summer will be quite a contrast if lockdown lasts much longer and I am sure it will.. At around 4p.m we all watch TV together, the quiz shows are on then. My husband calls this “family time” and although our son is in his forties it is similar to when we were young and our boys were small. It does feel comforting somehow to make a cup of tea and all sit down together. My husband starts cooking the meal then. We usually eat around 5.30 p.m. My husband does not like watching too much about the Corona Virus but we put the daily up-date on whilst the adverts are on in the quiz shows so I get an idea of what is being said. We always note how many deaths there have been and hope it is coming down. Now that they have added the deaths in Care Homes it has been more difficult to gage how much the total deaths are falling but of course these deaths should be included. I hope that after the pandemic our care homes and their staff and residents will get the support they always should have had from the government and the country as a whole. The days seem to be very similar now and I sometimes think how nice it would be to have a few days away but I know we musn’t travel. Saturday 2nd May Saturdays don’t seem the same at all now. My husband always got up early and bought a paper. He is keen on watching the horse racing but as that is all stopped, he stays in now and gets up later. Now we just go for a walk. He watches television. They have been showing some of the old classic races on racing channels and I did watch some of the old Grand Nationals. I remembered a lot of the winners because my uncle was a great racing fan and I remember him having the black and white TV on and I sometimes watched the races. The summer will not be the same without all the big sporting fixtures. My son is a football fan and he is missing that. I will really miss Wimbledon as I love watching the tennis and I had already booked a week off work to watch the second week. I think these big events give a structure to the year and they also bring back memories for me. I used to watch Royal Ascot with my late mother. We liked seeing the Queen arrive and we liked looking at the women’s outfits. Today after our walk I phoned my sister-in-law. Her husband has terminal cancer so I phone her for a chat and to see how things are. She said she thinks everyone is getting fed-up. I do not feel like doing much today. Yesterday I did get some of my summer clothes out and ironed them but it doesn’t seem urgent as I don’t suppose I will be going out much. I do wonder whether the people will learn from this virus and start taking care of the planet and the people more or will they just (as humans do) soon forget and go back to our old ways of consuming everything without a thought for the future? Sunday 3rd May We went for a walk and also bought some milk as we are getting through a lot. I had almost forgotten it was Sunday. It just seems like any other day as I can’t go to Church. I miss seeing everyone there. I did a bit of washing. I phoned a relation who lives in West Sussex and he was saying how devastated the town will become because so many people there work at Gatwick airport. I watched a film on TV in the afternoon. Then I wrote to my friend who lives in the North of England. I sent a message to a friend who has school aged children asking how they were getting on. She replied that it was easier when the sun shone. Monday 4th May

Today I went to the Post Office to pay a bill. I sent off a letter to my friend. The Post Office only had one other customer and no queue which made a change. I also posted a form about my will. I am getting it done in case the worst should happen. I have been intending to do it for some time but now it seems more urgent. I also went to the small vegetable shop. I noticed that a hardware shop was open. The proprietor was going to the doorway and asking each customer what they wanted-quite a good way of conducting business I thought. Today the government is beginning to talk about how they will ease lockdown. Interestingly one man on television said the two meter rule may not need to be applied so stringently. He said transmission of the virus has more to do with how long you stay near to an infected person which makes sense to me. Some people on social media question whether lockdown should be continued. I think it would be very unwise to risk a second wave. In our local paper someone even suggested that the government should not listen to the scientists! I was pleased to see the numbers of deaths have come down again despite the fact that care home deaths are now included. There is concern from the authorities about the increasing amount of traffic on the roads. I find it strange when people keep saying that the government is not giving them guidance and information before the government have sufficient information to make the decisions. I appreciate that many people are in dire straights with no money coming in and mortgages to pay. I know this is terrible and they must have urgent help but if lockdown is eased too soon it may have catastrophic consequences. I read that in the flu pandemic of 1918 the second wave was worse than the first. We have been taking a food supplement with all the vitamins and minerals people need to try to strengthen our immune systems. I also bought a supplement for the cat. In the evening my father’s cousin phoned. She has updated her Advance Ddirective and is sending me a copy as I am the nearest relative. She is in her seventies and does not want to be ventilated if she gets the virus. She has COPD. Tuesday 5th May I went to work as usual. One of the staff was talking about her son who is a student. He is staying up very late and getting up very late and so is another staff members teenage daughter. I think young people are finding it hard as they have nothing to do. Some are getting depressed. I spoke to my son on the phone this evening and he is in his forties. He lives in London and is working from home. He said he must be one of the people who is most suited to lockdown as it doesn’t really bother him at all. Both my sons like reading and writing so they keep themselves occupied. On Sunday Boris Johnson will talk about the restrictions and whether they will change. The toll in care homes is very sad. Apart from work I haven’t done much today. I came straight home on the bus and I didn’t go to any shops. A friend posted on Facebook that she was feeling very low as she is in a lot of pain from arthritis and is feeling lonely. I sent her a message. Wednesday 6th May My husband bought some food today. I had an email from a friend who is self-isolating. She has a disabled daughter who is physically weak so this friend and her husband don’t want to go out in case they bring the virus home. They are both in their sixties and they have been having difficulty getting online food deliveries. They have to care for their daughter. They are classed as vulnerable but not in the most vulnerable category. I feel they should be getting more help. My niece is in the same category and yet she has a serious liver condition, as well as pulmonary hypertension and diabetes. She also has a disabled husband. I am not sure what the criteria is to class someone as vulnerable but it seemed strange to me that my niece and my friend were not considered to be very vulnerable. I have noticed I do not get as many emails from

my brothers now. I think at the beginning of the virus families and friends made more contact but as time has gone by they have not so much to write about as they are not going out. On the television they seem to be talking as if this lockdown will end soon. They seem to want to pressure the government and I think by constantly speculating about how lockdown will end they are encouraging people to break the rules. I heard that there was a big fight in the street in the town where I work involving at least seven people and a lot of police had to break it up. I have noticed that when I am in the town waiting for my bus home there are some odd characters around. My husband was at home today and he made several phone calls to family. He is phoning them more them than he used to. In the evening we watched a programme about Churchill. I thought that the country must be galvanised into action to get the economy going again when the virus is under control. We could be in for a bleak time and this time the whole world economy will be affected. Thursday 7th May I went to work today. I noticed that there were quite a few people out on the seafront at 7.30 a.m. Today I wondered how long it will be before I see my brother in Thailand again. He has diabetes so he could be vulnerable to the virus if he mixed with people on a plane. Also, flights are bound to be more expensive in the future. I got a few bits of food shopping on my way home. I didn’t have to queue long as it is a smaller Co-op. My son went out for a walk this morning whilst I was at work. He is beginning to go out for exercise. Today Dominic Raab said there were not be a huge change in lockdown easing. I think the government has realised that some people are beginning to ignore it. I try to count my blessings and appreciate what we have and think of the people who have lost loved ones in theses awful circumstances, but I have to admit that I cannot help feeling a bit fed-up recently. I would like a change of scene and my husband said the same thing. Today the Governor of the Bank of England predicted a worse economic downturn than in 2008. I expect prices will have to rise especially for food. For some time, I have had a feeling that life was too good for some people who borrow money and spend too much and I thought this cannot be sustained. On television they keep saying that we now have the highest death toll in Europe but statistically this is not true. We are being fed inaccurate information. This evening we went outside our front door and did the usual clap for keyworkers. I think this is the nearest our neighbours get to a social event now. They really enjoy it. Friday 8th May 2020 Today is the commemoration of VE day. My next door neighbour has out up some union jack bunting but that is all I have seen in our street. I watched the Red Arrows on the tv as they did their flight over central London. It hadn’t been publicised much-perhaps because they didn’t want crowds to turn out but it was a shame I didn’t know before as I would have told my son and his wife in London to go in the garden and look out for it. Today I thought of my parents. My father was in Burma during the war. He was a signalman in the R.A.F. My mother was seventeen and was at home. As she lived on the South Coast she saw lots of German bombers and one hit one of the bungalows on her estate and killed a family. I think the main thing we have in common with people who lived through the war is the separation from some of our family but I think things were much worse in the war. We are not short of food and not in fear of bombs dropping on us. I watched a couple of programmes about the war and observed the two minutes silence. I thought that Prince Charles looked strained and is probably still suffering the effects of the Corona Virus. I have been thinking quite a bit about care homes lately. I feel as though I should be helping in some way. I cannot visit the elderly lady I used to visit and I keep wondering how she is and how they are coping in the care home.

As I spent so long looking after elderly people I feel as if I should offer to help but then I would be putting myself and my family at risk. Men are more susceptible to the virus than women and my husband does not think he would survive if he got it as he gets quite short of breath and he has high blood pressure. He does not want me to go near a care home now. I did not see the Queen’s broadcast but I hope to see it online. My husband is a republican, but I do like to watch the Queen when she is on TV. I do think she gives comfort to people and a sense of continuity and stability especially at difficult times. Saturday 9th May We went for a longer walk today. The weather was lovely and that always makes me feel better. I was a bit dismayed to hear that the government has said they want people to walk and cycle more. I have no problem with the walking but now there are so many cyclists along the seafront that you are constantly having to watch around you as they come close and they don’t warn you-even some that have a bell do not use it. A few cyclists say thank you if you move for them but most don’t and they cycle very fast at times. At one part of our walk we had to walk on the shingle as the cyclists were all coming along the path. This may sound as if I am being intolerant, but it is a worry because I have osteoporosis and I have been told that if I broke my hip I would be in a wheelchair as the bones would not heal properly and they couldn’t be pinned. I don’t always hear the cyclists coming and my husband has to warn me. There are a lot more cyclists around now and I don’t think they will give up cycling when the virus is under control. I do like the air being clearer and I do think cycles are preferable to cars but I just wish cyclists would acknowledge that pedestrians should have some consideration. I did a bit of washing as usual but then a migraine started so I had to lay down until 5 p.m. Yesterday I emailed my 92 year old uncle in Canada and said I had watched some VE day programmes on TV. He replied that he remembered VE day and they all went down the pub. He has problems with the nerves in his hands so he cannot send long emails now which is a great pity. He emigrated to Canada after the second world war. It does not seem like a Saturday. Sunday 10th May 2020 Today we went for a short walk and we called at a shop and bought several food items. The days all seem the same. I wrote a note for the old lady in the care home that I used to visit explaining that I hadn’t forgotten her but would come and see her as soon as I was allowed. My son put it through the letterbox of the care home. Today we watched the programme about Captain Tom, the Burma veteran who has raised so much for the NHS. I was particularly interested in his story as my father was in Burma in the Second World War too. He was in the R.A.F servicing plans and sending signals. I have not seen a lot of footage of soldiers in Burma. I looked up some music on the internet today. One piece was Miserei sung by King’s College choir. The other piece was Aquarium by Saint Saens. I look forward to listening to them when I am in a contemplative mood. This evening my son and husband and I listened to Boris Johnson’s address on TV. I am pleased that there is still a lot of caution. As usual there are always some critics and some people said that the term “alert” was confusing. Well, I am confused about what they find confusing! Unusually I put a post on Facebook asking what was confusing about asking people to stay alert. The government is constantly being pressed to ease lockdown and explain how they will do it but when they begin all they get from some people is

criticism. They must feel that they cannot win. There does seem to be an element in our society today that is always looking for something to complain about instead of trying to help in difficult times. Monday 11th May As I expected people are continuing to say that the message from the government is confusing even though the guidelines are only just being released for employers. I did not have to go to work today. In future when I travel home on the bus I shall wear a mask as the buses may get more crowded now. There is still only one an hour and it is still a single decker. My husband was at work so I did a lot of housework. It was very windy so I didn’t go to the shops. My son went out and got some eggs. It was interesting to see some of the statistics on which people are most likely to be affected by corona virus. The rail union is concerned about how their employees will be protected from the virus. It is a concern for everyone but many keyworkers have continued to work with little protection. Eventually I suspect that we will find out exactly who is at most risk. At the moment it seems that most young people are relatively safe. The Prime Minister said he was distressed by the number of deaths in care homes. It seems that some people were discharged from hospital into care homes without being tested for the virus. This of course could have transmitted the virus into the care home. Some care and nursing homes that are not purpose built can be more likely to have a rapid spread of infection because they have narrow corridors with few windows. I worked in one like that and we had a nasty flu like virus which spread quickly amongst the staff and residents. Even if you isolate residents it is difficult to stop airborne viruses spreading. Tuesday 12th May I went to work today. Things haven’t changed much at work. A lot of people are still working from home. Employers will have to do a risk assessment for all their employees to safeguard them from Corona Virus. When I came out of work I noticed that the town centre was noticeably busier with people. It is not crowded but it is busier than I have seen it for some weeks. Some people still forget to social distance. There were about eight people on the bus. I had intended to go straight home but when we reached the town centre of my hometown to my surprise there was no queue outside the Iceland supermarket. This is the first time I have seen this as usually there are about ten people waiting. I decided to go in and I got a few items at reasonable prices. We continue to have some very good food at home. Wednesday 13th May As my husband is at home on Wednesdays we went for our usual walk and we are beginning to notice more people walking on the seafront since the announcement that people can travel to meet one other person outside. We saw a few groups of people who were quite large and it seemed likely that there was more than one family in the group. We saw some people grouped around a car saying goodbye to each other. It seems as if people are getting complacent and thinking it is now alright to mix more. This is a bit of a concern as although the numbers of deaths are coming down I heard that the spread of the virus is not slowing. My husband put our car in a garage in our street to have a repair done. The MOT was due and although the government said people can have six months grace he was worried that when all the garages reopened he would have to wait to get it done because everyone would be wanting their overdue

MOT’s done. To his surprise the man at the garage said he could do his MOT and the repair so he got it all done and at a very good price too. In the evening a close friend phoned to say she had had to have her cat put to sleep. He was twenty one and she had had him since he was a kitten. His sister had to be put to sleep about a year ago. My friend was terribly upset because she loved her cats and last year I went to see her when the first one was put to sleep but I couldn’t go this time because her husband is shielding as he has diabetes. My friend said it was made worse because she could not go in the vets with her cat. She had to put his basket down and leave it for the vet to come out and pick up. Her husband couldn’t come to the vets with her. She did get her cat’s body back and they buried him in the garden. Thursday 14th May I went to work. The surgery has removed the bell from the front door and put up an entry phone because some people are not social distancing even though there are clear lines that they have to stand behind. They ring the bell and walk straight up to the door and stand in front of the member of staff when they open it. My husband spoke to a friend who told him that he is regularly going to a pub. People ring the doorbell and they are let in for drinking sessions. He said he has also had family barbeques during lockdown. I thought there might be more people on the bus home now that we are allowed to travel to some places for exercise but there were still only eight of us. I took a mask because people have been advised to wear them on public transport but as there still weren’t many people I didn’t wear it. I phoned my friend in the evening to see how she was as I knew it would be very difficult for her without her cat. We just had a chat. Friday 15th May I have been doing some art work. I haven’t done any for a long time so I decided to start again. I quite enjoyed it. I had a letter from the daughter of a very close family friend. She is eleven and our families have been friends for three generations. This girl thinks of myself and my husband as her granny and grandad and usually comes to see us in the summer. We do not have grandchildren at the moment so we were very happy when she asked if we would be hers! She lives with her parents and sister in Wiltshire which is about five hours drive away. She asked how we were getting on in lockdown and said she was alright but she missed her friends. I have always written letters and I also write to my great nephew sometimes. He lives in Scotland and is twelve. I started writing to him because when he was about nine he asked why he never got a letter. His mother told him to write to me as she knew I would write back to him. I have recently also become friends with him on Facebook but I shall also write. Today I had a severe migraine so I couldn’t get up until 2 p.m. so I took it easy but we did go for a walk when I got up. Saturday 16th May Today I did quite a bit of writing. When we went out I noticed that a few businesses had notices up saying they would re-open soon. We saw people eating fish and chips on the seafront so one of the local shops must be serving them. The tennis courts are open at the local park now. People are playing there again. We also noticed even more people around. German football is starting up . My son is a big football fan and is very glad to have something to watch again. The French have started horseracing again which pleases my husband, although the Americans carried on in some states throughout lockdown. It has emerged that a quarter of the Covid 19 deaths were of people who were diabetic. I suppose we will gradually get to know the people who are most vulnerable. It seems that most young people and children are not at high risk

providing they haven’t got an underlying condition. In the evening my son and I played backgammon. He beat me again, but I still enjoyed it. Sunday 17th May When we went for our walk we noticed the amount of cars parked near the seafront had increased significantly. We called at a shop to buy some cleaning products. My son has updated his CV and started to apply for jobs teaching English abroad. He has said he will be able to start probably in September but of course that depends on how international travel is affected. I wrote something about care homes. I’m not sure if I will send it to any publications at the moment. I listened to the Church service online. It is not the same as meeting with other people in Church though. I wonder how other Church members are getting on. I am beginning to feel very restricted by lockdown. Monday 18th May I went out for some food shopping. I wanted to get some fresh food for a salad. It was really difficult to avoid getting near some people. I walked back on a route just away from the shopping centre to try and avoid people. People are complaining because the government have only just added asmosia to the list f Covid 19 symptons but I heard this weeks ago. My sister-in-law phoned me from the North and said she knew about it weeks ago too. The other news is that 10,000 people have died from Covid 19 or Covid related deaths in care homes. I think this maybe partly because hospitals discharged older people to care homes without testing them for the virus. It is very difficult to prevent the spread of a virus in a care home because you have to isolate people in their rooms immediately and ban visitors straight away. I have long felt that the elderly are often discharged from hospital too early, often before they have fully recovered from an illness. I noticed that this became more common in recent years. When I ran the care home I had a similar experience when MRSA hit the headlines. This horrible flesh eating infection could occur when people had an open wound. I had to make sure I always asked the hospital if someone they were discharging to us had been checked to see if they had the infection before they sent them to us. Unless I made a point of asking we would not be told. Tuesday 19th May 2020 I posted a birthday card to my niece today. Luckily I have some at home because it would not be so easy to buy one at the moment and I prefer them to e cards. I did some weeding in the backyard and my son scrubbed the paving slabs for me. The news is still focusing on care homes and the care home owners are saying that they had no support from the government in the early days of the virus and that the hospitals sent people to them without saying they had Covid 19. I do think there has always been a tendency in our health service for clinicians to withhold information from patients and their families. The attitude has sometimes been that they know best so it is better not to tell people bad news. This is unfair I think. It means that the patients wonder what is wrong with them and whoever has to look after them when they come out of hospital is in the dark and so the patient doesn’t get the most appropriate care. There is also ageism and sometimes older people are discriminated against. If someone isn’t given a diagnosis they cannot request treatment or discuss their options. The other issue which is difficult is that it is difficult to know how many people in care homes have died as a direct result from Covid 19 and how many have died

from other causes who may have died anyway. Sometimes when doctors don’t know the cause of death they will put pneumonia n the death certificate but unless there is an autopsy the real cause may never be known. A friend told me her mother had died recently and the doctor put old age as the cause of death but the daughter was puzzled because her mother became ill suddenly and although the home requested a doctor’s visit but because of the virus no-one came out. By the time a paramedic came three days after the first request the lady had died about half an hour before the paramedic arrived. Wednesday 20th May My husband has been feeling unwell for a couple of months and tomorrow he has a telephone consultation with the doctor. He doesn’t have Covid symptoms but obviously if someone appears unwell it is something you worry about. We only went for a short walk. There seem to be more ducklings surviving in the park this year. I think it may be because the cafe is closed and people aren’t feeding the seagulls so fewer are in the park. They kill the baby ducklings and in previous years sometimes the parents are only left with one or two. I don’t like going out much lately. I worry about us all getting the virus. My brother in Thailand has been out a couple of times. Some places in Thailand are beginning to open up but they take strict precautions and people have their temperature taken before they enter places. They are now allowed in restaurants with social distancing. I warned him to be careful as he is diabetic so he is at a very increased risk. He is sixty eight. I had a letter from my friend who lives in the North West. She said that lockdown hasn’t affected her very much as she lives in a very rural area. She takes her dogs out early in the morning as she always did and apart from a trip to the village shops she does not mix much with anyone. I have noticed of course that she doesn’t write about meeting friends for lunch or going to the cinema as she used to. I am tired of staying at home and doing housework lately. I try to read and do something creative like painting and writing but I feel in need of a change of scene. In the evening we watched a programme about classic albums. It was about Jimi Hendrix’s Electric Ladyland album. I was a huge Hendrix fan when I was a teenager so it was a blast from the past. My son plays base guitar so he was interested in it too and my husband was also into music back in our hippy days. Thursday May 21st My husband was so restless and unwell last night that I slept in the spare room but I didn’t actually get much sleep at all as I was worried about him. He has a lot of aches and pains and feels exhausted and has headaches every day. The doctor said he didn’t think it was Covid related and told him to get a blood pressure monitor. My husband still went to work. I went to Boots and bought the BP monitor. We have to take his blood pressure every day for a week and then he has to give the results to the surgery. He is also going to have blood tests. I also went to the shops for bread and milk. I didn’t have to queue for long. I came home quickly. There is a bowling green near our house and for the first time since lockdown six people were playing. They were social distancing. It was nice to see them there again. I almost forgot about the clapping for keyworkers as I was sleepy, but my son reminded us. We always go out the front and so do our neighbours. I wonder how long we will carry on with it. I was glad I didn’t have to go to work today as I was so tired. I worried that I may have taken this leave and then would have to stay off next week if the doctor thought my husband had the virus but he doesn’t think his symptoms have anything to do with the virus thankfully. In the evening we watched a very interesting programme about the comedian Tony Slattery and his problems with his mental health. I have always been interested in mental health and I did psychology A level as an adult student. It was the first time there had been a psychology A level so we were

taught by some psychologists because there were no tutors for the subject then. I would have liked to have continued to study at university, but it was difficult because my children were young and I would have had to travel University. I am sure this lockdown must be hard for people who live alone and don’t have any family. Friday 22nd May Another bad night as my husband is still unwell. We went for a short walk but it was very windy so there weren’t so many people on the seafront. I watched the corona virus daily update, and the numbers of deaths are still coming down. I have been reading a book by a holocaust survivor. It is an incredible story and I think how lucky we are not to have to live in fear all the time. I was quite bored, so I had asked my son to lend me an interesting book. I stayed inside most of the day as it was so windy, but I did put washing out. Saturday 23rd May 2020 Today I got up early. I went shopping to buy more washing powder. My son came with me to help carry some shopping, but he didn’t come in the shops with me. I didn’t go for a walk today as I had a lot to do. My husband is a bit better. He went for a walk on his own. My son also goes for a daily walk. In the evening I played backgammon again with my son. Things seem quite dreary. The weather is lovely, but we don’t go anywhere different. I had a phone call from a friend in the Isle of Wight. She said that the NHS app was not a success for them. They could not download it despite making three phone calls asking for help. They were given a code which did not work. Sunday 24th May We went for a walk today. There were lots of cars parked everywhere around the seafront. An elderly relation phoned me in the afternoon. She has cancer and her treatment is being put on hold but she knows the cancer is growing on her neck. I told her she should push to see her specialist but I don’t think she will, She is eighty five and is amazing. She has such a positive attitude and never complains but she is worried at the moment. She thinks she won’t get her treatment now because of the virus. She also struggles a bit financially. She has worked since she was eleven years old and until she was seventy two. My brother from Thailand says some of the restrictions are being lifted and their schools will go back in July. He thinks the flights back to England will be very expensive in the future. I said I hope he will be able to come over again. It occurred to me that we might not see each other again. It may be too expensive. That would be awful. My sister-in-law in Australia has said they may not be able to afford to visit us again. I was bored in the evening so I played backgammon for a while again and started reading another book. I always have a book to read but it is even more important now. There is a big controversy about Dominic Cummins visiting family in lockdown but there are all sorts of rumours and speculation. I don’t trust the media to give us the full facts and he is unpopular with the press because he doesn’t speak to them a lot. Also, he wants to change the way politics work and challenge some of the civil servants and that also makes him a target for those who would like him removed from Boris Johnson’s side. There is a lot of pressure on him to resign. I will be surprised if he manages to weather this storm. It has given Boris Johnsons opponents ammunition to question his governments handling of the crisis too.

Monday 25th May 2020 I listened to some of Dominic Cummins interview. I think he did the wrong thing but I think he did it for the right reasons. The media think we (the general public) are all a lot of sheep who will break the lockdown because of what he has done but I think the majority of people will not behave any differently. They are sensible enough to protect themselves and others by continuing to social distance. The people who will break lockdown are the ones who would do it anyway. I’m sure a few people will use it as an excuse and say “Well, if he can travel to family why shouldn’t we?” but I think they are in the minority. The easing of lockdown has already opened the floodgates for those people. There is a section of society that do not seem to acknowledge the risk now. I am very disillusioned with a lot of sections of our society at the moment. I think a lot of journalists are dishonest and have no interest in the truth anymore. The same applies to the television news. A lot of the coverage is politically motivated, and the BBC is no longer objective. I have no political allegiance now. The repetition of the same questions over and over again by interviewers is mind numbingly boring. My family were traditionally Liberal, and we took an active interest in politics as a force for change but it seems that people rarely think about what is good for the country now. Perhaps it is my age, but we don’t seem to have politicians of the calibre that we used to. There were some people in each party who were very committed to their party and their policies, and we had some people who were staunch in their beliefs. They were experienced politicians who spent their working lives as M.P’s before becoming cabinet ministers and later elder statesmen and women who had leadership skills. I am sure that during this latest crisis most government ministers have been working very hard under immense pressure, but the media has been disrespectful to them at a time when we should all be supporting them and thinking of how we can overcome this virus. I had to turn off the Dominic Cummins interview in the end because it was so repetitive, and he was just answering the same questions over again. I expect he will have to resign. I worry about having our government weakened in the public perception at such a crucial time for our country. I do not express my opinions outside the family because people often take the media view as true and do not want to consider any other possibilities. I phoned one f my elderly friends from the church today to ask how she is getting on. After initially having difficulty getting food delivered, she got help from a volunteer who has been wonderful. She, like me, misses Church and seeing family but her family got her an iPhone and she can now message and send and receive photos. She is eighty-eight and says the phone has been a great way of keeping up with the family. Monday 25th May It’s a Bank holiday. My husband went to work for half a day. I did housework. When he came home he said that the seafront was packed with people and the beach was quite crowded. I wonder if the virus will spread more again. I went out in the backyard and weeded between the paving stones. I made a cake in the morning. I rarely bake but I wanted to use up some ingredients I had. The controversy about Dominic Cummings rages on and I am already tired of the endless debate on television. He was subjected to a grilling. One of the commentators said that he was not so arrogant now, I thought that was an unprofessional remark and showed that the television commentators do not like him. When Boris Johnson

first became Prime Minister I noticed that he did not appear on television as much as Teresa May and I thought someone is protecting him from the rudeness that she was often subjected to. I think it may have been Dominic Cummins and so he is unpopular with the media. I did notice that when he was surrounded by journalists there was no evidence of social distancing by them. I think Mr. Cummins made an error of judgement, but I think it must be hard to be the subject of death threats and abuse just for doing your job, especially when you have a family. Tuesday 26th May I went to work after my holiday. A few things had changed with some extra signs up about social distancing and a new screen on the reception area. The staff seem a bit subdued and there aren’t many of us. Most people are still working from home, and I miss seeing my colleagues. I thought there might be more people on the bus coming home but there were less-just five of us. We went passed an ice-cream parlour on the seafront and it was open for the first time since lockdown. There was a long queue. It was a lovely warm day. My uncle in Canada sent me an email about some genealogy questions I asked him. He is ninety two. Wednesday 27th May My brother from Scotland phoned and we were on the phone for a long time talking about family history. I also phoned my friend. I went to school with her, and she lives in the village I grew up in which is only about ten miles away. Thursday 28th May I went to work again. I thought Dominic Cummins would have had to resign by now but Boris Johnson has stood by him and he would not allow the scientists to be dragged into the issue when they had the Covid 19 daily update. There is now a worry that the lockdown is being eased too soon but I think the government is trying to balance between the dire economic prospects if we don’t ease lockdown and trying to keep people safe. I think that a couple of weeks ago some people were already breaking lockdown a bit. It will be difficult to hold back once people start breaking it. I think we do need to get the economy moving again but people need to observe social distancing. At the moment I won’t go too near people and there are no crowds anyway. The beaches near us are a lot busier though so I wouldn’t go on the beach yet. There are many more cars parked around the seafront. I had a phone call from my father’s cousin who is an actress. They are doing some online performances but she still has to shield all the time as she had COPD. She sent me some old photos of my father’s side of the family. My brother phoned. We are finding out quite a lot about our family history as my sister-in-law s really into it, especially in lockdown. They are in Scotland and they can meet up with a few people now. Tonight, we did the last clap for the keyworkers. I must say myself and my husband and son were beginning to wish it would come to an end. One of my neighbours surprised us by saying “Thank goodness” when we said it was the last one because she was almost like the conductor of an orchestra! She said “I don’t know when I will see you again” as it had become a time when we all came out and waved to each other. Of course we will always appreciate everything everyone has done but the clapping was getting a bit monotonous. Friday 29th May 2020

Today my husband went to the doctor’s surgery for a blood test. He hasn’t been feeling well and has had a lot of headaches. We also had to take the car in for a service at a garage on the outskirts of the next town. We went for a walk whilst we were waiting for it to be done and we discovered some paths that ran near busy roads. We did not know they existed. Walking along these paths just a short distance from the road you would not have known it was not in the country as the paths were surrounded by hedges. It was very peaceful listening to the birds singing. We passed a few people on cycles and some people walking. It was a lovely warm day. I wondered how this lockdown would have been if it had been the middle of winter when it would not have been so pleasant to go for walks. I was quite tired in the afternoon when we got home. Of course we couldn’t go for a coffee when we were out. After I had had a short rest I went with my son to Iceland and bought a couple of ready meals as we didn’t feel like cooking. As usual we bought more than we intended. Saturday 30th May I had a bad headache when I woke up so I got up very late. My husband went for a walk on his own. I read quite a bit later in the day. The weather is so dry I am having to water all the pots in the backyard every day. Things do seem very monotonous to me lately. I would like to go out and meet a friend but unless the public toilets open I could not go far! I could not go in my close friends house as her partner is shielding. I am not sure how this trace and track will work. I think it is a good idea and may keep us safer. Our daily routine doesn’t alter much. We still watch the quizzes in the late afternoon. In the early evening my son and I played our usual games of backgammon and I finally won one! I do enjoy playing backgammon. My husband ordered Othello online but we haven’t played it yet. We always watch TV in the evening. We watched a Korean action film that my son had on a DVD. Today it was the anniversary of my father’s death eight years ago. My life has changed a lot since then. It changed from being surrounded by people at work and at home-managing a care home and living next door to my parents who often had family and friends visiting-to living in a different town where I didn’t know anyone and mostly being with my husband and no other family. I also changed to a job where I mostly work on my own. Although we have lived here for three years now it still seems strange that I am no longer in the village where I grew up. It seems more like being in a family now that my son is home but I think he will go abroad again once the lockdown is eased. Sunday 31st May 2020 I got up early today because the cat stayed out all night and was meowing outside. She had caught a mouse and wanted to show it to me. It was dead, poor thing, and I wrapped it in newspaper threw it in a bin. I didn’t go back to bed so I made a cup of tea and did a bit of a painting I am doing. Later my husband and I went for our usual walk. He took a photo of a mother duck sitting in the sunshine with her seven very small ducklings.

May commentary Will Cinderella ever get to the ball? When I first went to work in a residential care home in the 1980’s the public perception of care home workers was generally poor. The consensus seemed to be that anyone who worked in a care home did so because they weren’t intelligent enough to be a nurse or to do anything which required academic qualifications. (In later years I was to employ a young school girl for a week’s work experience because her

family said she was not academic and they thought something practical would suit her better). The pay for carers was poor and they had to work long shifts and unsocial hours. Carers were thought of as skivvies. During the first year of my employment, I quickly realised that there was a lot more to caring for people than just making them a cup of tea and having a chat. Although the majority of the residents in the home where I was working were on the whole self-caring, there was always the possibility of a medical emergency such as a serious injury from a fall or a sudden stroke or heart attack. I decided I needed to have some sort of training to equip me to deal with such an event. I worked for very good owners who were committed to giving their residents the best of everything and a good quality of life, and they were supportive of my plans. I found an advanced course for carers at my local college and duly enrolled. This was prior to the introduction of NVQs. The course was run by a qualified nursing sister and it taught me much about the basic principles of good nursing care and care planning but was largely a theoretical course. I did, however, draw up and implement a care plan for one of the residents and her family told me that the fact that I had selected her had given her a boost. At college I acquitted myself well and at the completion of the course I received the highest mark in the class. As I was the only carer in the home at the time with any care qualification, I was made a senior carer and given a small pay rise. At that time the distinction between a care home and a nursing home was very clear. In a nursing home, a qualified nurse was required to be on duty at all times and the residents needed a higher level of support – often given by carers under the supervision of the nurse in charge. In a residential home carers were not allowed to give nursing care and generally only assisted residents with bathing. Some of the carers I worked with at the time did not believe they should assist the residents to wash and dress. They said that if they needed that sort of help they should be in a nursing home but around that time things began to change. Residents started to come into residential care homes who needed more support in their day to day activities. The owner said that staff who were not prepared to give the extra help to these residents would have to leave as this trend would only increase. Some of the carers did leave. They were “old school” and they believed that residents should fit into a rigid routine. By then I had learned about the benefits of individualised care and in any case I believed that the residents were entitled to make their own decisions and choices and that I was paid to meet their needs. Soon most of the “old school” carers left and I was working with experienced carers who had a more enlightened attitude, and I gained enormous satisfaction from my work. Unfortunately, every now and then, cases of abuse would come to light in some nursing and care homes. Of course, it would have been wrong to sweep these under the carpet, but the resulting publicity only served to reinforce the perception that care homes were all run by people who were only interested in exploiting their residents and that the staff, far from being caring, were heartless and ignorant. At times I was loathe to admit that I worked in a care home as the bad apples tarnished the whole sector. The introduction of NVQ qualifications was helpful to the staff but did not enhance their standing in the community, as these qualifications were portrayed as something that could easily be attained and the general public were often unaware that care staff were receiving any training. Over the years, successive governments were compelled to be seen to be addressing the problems in some homes. They would announce that a more rigorous system of inspections would be introduced. They said that in future, inspections would be unannounced. I read this with increasing frustration as I knew that we had always had unannounced inspections from the beginning of my time in the home and before that. There were already comprehensive regulations in place which could be legally enforced. Several times the

name of the inspection unit was changed to imply that radical action was being taken. On one occasion the inspection system was changed from one being run by the local social services to one which was administered at a national level. To my surprise the same inspectors arrived – all that seemed to have changed was the name of the organisation. I wondered how much had been spent on changing all the letterheads! The real problems with the offending homes did not lie with the inspectors though. The Inspectors discharged their duties efficiently and acted whenever they found that a home wasn’t complying with the regulations, but there was one problem that they had to contend with. If they closed down a bad home, where did all the residents go? Most of the homes were privately owned and governments knew that to put them into the public sector was simply too expensive. Councils and governments just didn’t want to fund them. When I first worked in care homes, there were a number of local facilities for older people that were run by the local authority. These often provided respite care for people who had come out of hospital but were now unable to cope independently in their own homes. They would be assessed in the facility and would eventually be found a place in a privately run home. These facilities cost the local authority a great deal to run. The carers who worked there were not paid the poor wages that carers in a private home usually earned. They had double time on bank holidays and extra pay for unsocial hours – all things that were unheard of in most privately run homes. The facilities were well equipped to care for older people but they were expensive to maintain and the cost fell on the local authorities. One by one these places were closed. A local geriatric hospital that catered for residents waiting for permanent places in care homes was also closed down. The local authority sold the land off to a developer. Successive governments realised it was easier to leave the care of the elderly to the private sector and for the residents to fund their own care whenever possible. Even keeping elderly people in hospital for lengthy stays was proving too costly for the NHS and the pressure was on the hospital staff to discharge them, in order to free up beds. Sometimes residents would be returned to the home when they had clearly not recovered completely from an infection or virus and, in the event that it spread, the care home was blamed. One of the problems with private care homes and nursing homes is that there can be good owners and not such good owners. Although owners are vetted before they can run a home, they do not have to have the same qualifications as managers. Managers are vetted and have to have a relevant qualification before they can be registered but it is the owners who hold the purse strings. Regulations have increased to improve standards, but this comes with financial costs. Training is one area that involves expenditure on the part of owners, and this is an area where corners can be cut. If there are problems in a home, it is usually the manager who is held solely responsible, but if the owner reduces staffing levels and training the standard of care suffers. According to the regulations the manager is legally responsible for the day to day running of the home. This leaves managers in the unenviable position of having to fight to obtain training and equipment for the staff, and puts them under enormous stress. One attempt to improve standards involved introducing new standards on room sizes and other increased regulations but this resulted in the closure of many small, well-established family run homes. The owners, often married couples with less than twenty residents could not afford to convert their houses to meet the new standards. This lead to a bed shortage and paved the way for large companies to build bigger homes. The company bosses had little contact with the staff and residents and this remote, corporate approach, along with the increased

bureaucracy forced managers to become increasingly office bound and left them less time to focus on supporting the staff and residents. The focus was often on profits rather than care. Unless the private sector can be linked to the NHS in some way, problems will continue to arise and the care home sector will always be the Cinderella of the Health and Social Care sector. Good owners will pay for training and comply with the regulations but will struggle financially, whilst bad owners will con tinue to cut corners and provide substandard care. The majority of care and nursing homes provide excellent levels of care but problems, such as gaps in funding have not been addressed. The awful consequences of Covid 19 in care homes and nursing homes has put our social care system under the spotlight. A sector that has traditionally felt under-supported and at times under attack from many quarters is finally beginning to be acknowledged for the immensely valuable contribution it makes to society as it cares for our loved ones, often in difficult circumstances. Carers in many settings have worked quietly and uncomplainingly for scant reward for years, and their value has been eclipsed by those who have had the opportunity to train and qualify in the health service. The public has recognised that the majority of carers are selfless and dedicated and that they deserve the support they have recently been shown, along with other key-workers, every Thursday evening at 8 p.m. I was lucky enough to work with a team of wonderful carers for many years. The young girl I took on for a week’s work experience is still working in care homes to this day. I have no doubt that when the Covid 19 virus is well controlled, the government and local authorities will try to effect changes in this sector. I hope that carers will finally be given the opportunities for advancement that other health care workers already have and I hope that they will have the same kudos. I also hope that any change will be implemented in a supportive and practical way so that older people will be able to enjoy the best quality of life when they can no longer care for themselves.

June 2020 At the beginning of June schools were set to reopen. There was debate about the wisdom of this but it seems to me that children are at a low risk and it is important that they continue their education. I heard that quite a lot of children have not been doing much home schooling. During this month the footballer Marcus Rashford spoke out about the breakfast clubs being stopped whilst the schools were closed. He said that this kind of support was a great help to his family when he was growing up as his mother was a single parent of five children. The government decided to reverse its decision and to carry on providing the meals. I would not begrudge any disadvantaged children help but I do find it a bit strange how the media and celebrities (as footballers are nowadays) can change go vernment decisions. It really concerns me that when the country is in dire straits economically there is an outcry every time the government tries to save some money. It is as if there is an infinite amount of money to spend. The government keeps pledging millions to help business and employees. Almost every day they announce help for some organisation. I don’t see how we will recover economically from this. Future generations will have to pay the price. There has been a shift during my life time of attitudes to the role of government.

When my children were young in the mid-nineteen seventies and nineteen eighties there was a lot less help for families. We lived in the North West of England during the Thatcher years and during the miner’s strike. In our area one in five men were unemployed. My husband worked for a large engineering company that produced pit props for the mines. With the closure of the mines the factory closed down. All we had to live on was his unemployment benefit. The only money I had full control of was Child Benefit and this was a great help to me but I would never have expected the school to provide breakfast for my children. I gave them packed lunches for their lunch time meals and they always had toast and cereals for breakfast. Now there is much more help for families. People can also work sixteen hours a week and have their income made up by the government. Now there is more of a sense of entitlement and people expect the government to help them. About ten years ago the papers complained about the “Nanny” state but you don’t hear much about that anymore. It is as if the government must assume responsibility for everything that happens and must solve every problem-even unforeseen ones like the outbreak of Covid 19. I am sure a lot of people would think my attitude old fashioned, but I do have a lot of sympathy for young people. I think they do have a very difficult time with high rents and mortgages and poor job opportunities. I would not like to be young in these times. This month it was announced that face coverings will have to be worn on public transport. I don’t mind this. Once this month when I was on the bus a man had his mask down below his chin for the entire journey. No - one said anything. I heard that the bus drivers say it is up to people if they wear a mask or not but on the trains they make announcements to say it is compulsory. I noticed now all the buses have green stickers on the windows to indicate where you can sit and red stickers to indicate where you shouldn’t sit to maintain social distancing. This month the numbers of deaths continue to come down and a lot of shops are reopening with social distancing. They all have hand sanitiser at the entrances. There is controversy about whether the two meter rule should be reduced to one meter as this would be more economically viable for businesses. I expect they are anticipating an increase in passengers as we are now allowed to travel more. I have not noticed a big increase in passenger numbers and as the buses are only allowed to take a limited number of passengers the buses won’t be crowded anyway. It did seem a little odd that all these markings have appeared, and we have to wear a mask. IU have been travelling to work on the bus throughout lockdown without these things, but people did maintain distancing without markers. Towards the end of the month the daily up-date on TV at 5 p.m ceased. In many ways I was glad. It was good to know how the number of deaths were decreasing and to hear how things were gradually ope ning up but sometimes it seemed as if this up-date was just being used as a chance to criticise everything the government announced instead of a chance to get information across.

July 2020

Wednesday 1st July Today I have to take some clean pyjamas to the hospital for my husband and take his laundry home to wash it. Luckily the weather isn’t too bad, although it could rain. He had asked for a paper and a couple of books to read-the first time he has asked for anything to occupy him as he hasn’t felt up to reading. The

papers are mainly headlining with the request from America for the Duke of York to make a statement about his involvement with the paedophile. I found out the time of the bus to the hospital. It went all round the houses and took about forty five minutes. I went to the corridor outside the ward and phoned my husband. He told a health care assistant to pick up the clean clothes from me and give me the dirty ones. I waited about ten minutes as she wasn’t sure where I was waiting. There is more than one entrance to that ward. I asked her how my husband was and she said he was in a bit better spirits. I was asking about his health though so that didn’t tell me what I wanted to know. No-one phoned me about him so I am still in the dark. My husband said they are doing so many tests and scans that there was no point in asking them. They don’t know anything yet. I got home just before 3 p.m so it took all the morning just to drop a few things off. I said to the health care assistant that it was awful not being able to visit him and she sympathised and said it was awful for the patients and their relatives and the staff too. My husband phoned. He was pleased with one of the books I got him. He said though that he hadn’t really improved. On TV some people are saying that opening up the pubs and cafes will spike a second wave of the virus. There is now a lockdown in Leicester. In the South East we have been quite lucky apart from London and the care homes. My husband and I are not worried about Covid as there is none in the hospital and they take so many precautions. He has been tested twice now and both tests were negative. I missed my initial time for testing for Covid at work due to having to go home early that day but I can have it any time. Thursday 2nd July I went to work on the train again. One of my colleagues asked about my husband. I could see she had been crying. She has had a lot of extra work to do in the surgery because of Covid 19 and has been working a lot. It is getting to her. It does seem at work that some members of staff are bearing more of the brunt of the Covid work. I am lucky as my work hasn’t changed much. Now that I am older I do not want to have to cope with work stress. I have had a lot of responsibility in my work in the care home in the past and it is just not something I am prepared to put up with now. I often think of the elderly lady I used to visit in a local home. I wonder how she is. At the moment I am mainly focused on my husband and I don’t really know much of what is going on in the rest of the world. I have had to make lots more phone calls to keep people updated with his condition. Friday 3rd July A friend came to visit me. She works in the nursing home where my mother stayed for the six months before her death and I got to know this friend then as she was a carer there. We have stayed friends since. I am getting more worried about my husband as there seems to be no improvement. His blood sugars are all over the place and he is still in pain. I was going to go to my friend’s house in another town but asked her to come to me as I felt I should stay here-it is nearer the hospital. Of course we couldn’t go out for our usual coffee at a cafe yet. We drove to a retail park and did a bit of shopping. There wasn’t a queue. I was glad to get a few things at a bargain price-just food items. The weather was bad-wet and very windy so we couldn’t go for a walk. My friend is very pessimistic about the future. She is in her early fifties-about ten years younger than me. She has been made very anxious by the Covid outbreak. They still cannot allow any visitors to the Nursing Home and she said it is very bad for the patients. After she went home I had a very surprising phone call from my husband. He is coming home tomorrow but he has been told he is still

under hospital care and we can phone them direct if there are any problems. His friend is going to collect him which is a big help. Saturday 4th July The weather is awful-very windy and wet and dull. It now seems hard to imagine how hot it was just a week ago. I got up early and put clean sheets on our bed and did a lot of housework. I went out to the shops and bought yogurts that my husband asked for as he is not eating much. There was a delay in letting my husband out as his blood sugar went haywire again and they had to wait for the results of more tests. He finally came out around 4 p.m. He is weak and still needs painkillers. We did go for a short walk along the seafront in the early evening. The Consultant said exercise is important but only gradual. Sunday 5th July My husband has to take painkillers regularly and is not able to eat much. He has lost over a stone since he’s been in hospital. He is supposed to have a month off and then another month if he needs it but he us already talking about going back to work after a week! He is very weak though and when we go out he walks very slowly.

September 2020 As schools return there is still a lot of comment in the media. There are flare ups of Covid 19 and various countries. I wonder how the winter will be. At work we have been told that we will have to have the windows open, even when the heating is on. I understand the need for this but I read it because I feel the cold a lot and I am always cold even with the heating on at work! The second wave seems to be upon us. There are more cases now and they are among young people. We have seen more migrants crossing the channel. September 4th

There is confusion about different rules for self-isolating after holidays in some countries because Wales and Scotland sometimes announce different rules. Some people don’t seem to appreciate the point of having devolved governments-the fact that they have been given the right to make decisions for their own country. There was a big explosion in a factory near Ashford in Kent which made hand sanitiser. Of course, this has a high alcohol content which is very flammable. September 7th

There has been another rise in Covid cases in Britain. This is said to be amongst young people and there has been comment that young people don’t observe the rules. I think this is because when people are

young they tend to think these illnesses won’t affect them. This is just as many people are returning to work in offices and factories. September 8th

People who have been on holiday in some Greek islands are having to quarantine when they return. This seems to be the right thing to do if they come from places which have a lot of Covid cases, but some people complain that they do not have enough notice about this. With Covid things change very quickly and if the Government didn’t react quickly they would not control the virus and they would be criticised even more. September 9th

I went on the bus to meet a relative I haven’t seen since lockdown first began. It was a nice sunny day and it was good to be out and about and to have a change from my home town. We went round the shops- {wearing our masks of course!) and then we had some lunch. We sat outside in a small garden at the back of the cafe. The staff were very attentive. I felt they wanted the custom after the lockdown. My relative is in her seventies and she said she got really fed up in lockdown and didn’t like not being able to go out shopping. Coming back on the bus I heard people saying they thought another lockdown was looming. My relative said she dreaded that. I am trying to catch up with some of my friends before that happens. Phone calls are nice but it is not the same as seeing people and I like to go out to eat. Most cafes are well organised and sanitise all the surfaces. I had a dental appointment but it was cancelled with only a week’s notice. They are not doing any routine check-ups until at least the new year. September 10th

New rules have been announced. From Monday no more than six people can meet and you cannot mix with other households. We can still go to cafes and restaurants if you stay within the six people rule and we can meet outside. On TV they ask members of the public what they think about these rules and they keep saying they are confusing. I don’t think it is and you can look up the local rules on a website if you are unsure. The media are criticising the Covid testing. The Government are trying to increase the availability of testing facilities. Some people are going for tests when they haven’t got any symptoms and so the system is overwhelmed. On TV they showed one place where all the testing was done in cars, and they met the target and got everyone tested so it isn’t always failing. September 23rd

Pubs now have to shut at 10 p.m. In summary I would say that as September closes the news is not good. Further regional lockdowns are having to be introduced as Covid cases rise again in many areas. The closing at 10p.m caused problems as people left pubs and congregated on the streets. The hospitality industry is suffering again. I feel that people are tired of the restrictions and when I go out although I see many more people wearing masks in

the streets it is difficult to socially distance as people walk close to you. Scientists have said that even if we have a vaccine it will not bring things back to “normal.” There has also been controversy when it was announced that students would have to stay at university at Christmas, but this was not exactly the case. As I understand it they only needed to stay if they had symptoms. My son works at a University and he said that things were very well organised for Covid. He has started going in to the University on some days now instead of working from home but he will still work from home sometimes. He said that some of the changes they have made to accommodate Covid have actually saved them time and work and as they are more efficient, they will always continue with them. I am disappointed that I am unlikely to see my other son and daughter-in-law this Christmas. I know it cannot be helped. I feel very sorry for people who live alone and have to self-isolate. I spoke to a couple I know on the phone, and they said they found self-isolating very hard and quite depressing. I think a lot of people feel down at the thought of Christmas this year. When things were beginning to open up again it felt as though we were getting back to some kind of normal but now it seems as if things will get worse again. I just hope the new rules in some parts of the country will control the virus. I am lucky as our area in the South East has not been too bad. Now Donald and Melania Trump have the virus. This country has often relied on the United States for help but now they are in dire straits. The Brexit negotiations are also problematic. I have been trying to see a doctor for about a month. I have finally got an appointment next week. I think there are some circumstances when a person needs to be seen, rather than sending photos. It is a concern that cancers may be missed because people are not being seen quickly enough. A friend said we are all being called in for flu injections (over sixty fives first) and yet we cannot be seen when we are ill. I do think people will not be happy about this and in years to come I wonder whether people will feel disgruntled and let down. So many people have had to take risks working in supermarkets and driving buses etc and they have not always got the same praise as the NHS. This virus does not seem to be predictable, and no-one really knows about it. We still don’t know exactly where it came from and why it emerged. The Government has to react quickly when cases go up but they get criticised, but no-one knows if anything else would be better. Our media is not supportive of the experts who are advising the government and they report everything in such a negative way that it encourages people to lose confidence in the authorities and dampens everyone’s spirits. The community spirit people felt when the crisis began seems to have diminished somewhat. I hope that with a new director general at the BBC we may see something of a return to objective, informative and factual news reporting instead of the very limited, gossipy news we have been getting lately. I think I will try to pursue more hobbies in the winter such as knitting and painting and maybe brighten up my home with some colourful furnishings. I think we all need to try and support one another and try to lift each others spirits in the depressing winter that is on the way. The country needs to pull together and work hard to restore our economy. We should have a cross party Covid committee to make joint decisions based on scientific advice so that instead of undermining the government there can be true cross party approval and support to get us out of this crisis. I was not born during the second world war but I do think it would not be a bad thing to go back to the attitude of that time whilst we are fighting this battle.

I look forward to the spring and hopefully to better times.

October 2020

With the increase in Covid 19 cases new measures have had to be introduced in parts of the North of England. The Mayor of Manchester, Andy Burnham has accused the government of using the North as an experiment for the new measures. I think this is preposterous, as new measures have been introduced in London which is also a hot spot. Boris Johnson has always made it clear that he doesn’t want to risk the economy any more than he has to but he is trying to stop the spread of the virus. There would be no benefit to anyone in closing down the North, apart from a health benefit. No-one knows yet whether restrictions can really stop the virus but obviously it has to be tried. I don’t think any other political party would have done any more to help people. Today we went out for lunch with a couple that we are friends with. It is the first time we have been out with them since before lockdown. I really enjoyed it and felt happier for it. It makes one realise how important socialising is for our wellbeing. I have been out for lunch with friends several times in the last couple of months, but my husband hasn’t until today because of his illness in June. He didn’t know if he would be able to eat out without any ill effects but lately his appetite has returned and he now eats normally most of the time. He has not touched alcohol since his illness though.

November 2020 I think Boris Johnson was doing his best to avoid another lockdown but he has had to announce another one up until 2nd December because of the spread of the virus. The controversy still goes on with some politicians questioning the data and the media is still criticising the government no matter how much aid they give to everyone. The damage to the economy is very worrying, especially with the trillions we now owe but do people really expect the government not to try to stop the virus spreading? I spoke to my brother in Scotland, and he said do the people who say we should ignore the virus and carry on as normal feel it is acceptable to let people over sixty five die to save the economy? I don’t feel that my life is so worthless that I should be at risk of death in my sixties. I am still working part-time and am still active. Even if I was in poor health, I should not think I should be expendable. If the health service is overwhelmed and clinicians have to choose who to save it would be terrible for all concerned and the only way to stop this happening is to enforce social distancing and lockdown. These decisions are extremely difficult for the authorities who are having to try help people financially and stop the virus spreading. It is sure to take it’s toll on them because it is a grave responsibility. Even if we eventually get a vaccine and open up all the shops and businesses, I don’t think the country will recover for many decades. After the two world wars in the last century when our country was on its knees, we slowly recovered but I think the mentality of the people was different then. Although I think many men

after both wars were resentful of the ruling classes and cynical about the way so many of their comrades’ lives were sacrificed their work ethic remained strong and they worked really hard. There are many people now who have never worked, and they have a sense of entitlement and believe that everything should be provided by the government. That is why our farmers do not get people here to pick all the fruit. People apply for the jobs but find the work too strenuous because they are not used to such hard, physical work. Some people simply do not believe they should be expected to work hard as they see affluent people around them who have comfortable offices to work in and they think why should they be the ones to do menial work. People do not think “We are all in this together” any more. The truth is that we aren’t. Covid 19 does strike anyone, regardless of their income, but those who are affluent have other advantages which minimise the stress. They don’t have to worry as much about losing their job as they have savings and probably own their property outright. This kind of inequality can lead to social unrest and I think the government must fear this and that is why they have to keep reversing their decisions when they have been trying to save money. I don’t think any government will be able to get everyone to pull together and get the country back on its feet. I think everyone should work, health permitting, if they can, but there are still too many inequalities in this country and people still do not get the chances in some areas if they don’t come from the “right” background, despite having good qualifications. I worry that this country will slip further and further behind the rest of the world. That would be such a disaster as we have had so many clever people who have made great strides in so many areas. We also have a lot of wasted talent because people do not get the help and encouragement that they should. Apprenticeships are not available and so our workforce will become increasingly unskilled. Also, we have lost our manufacturing base and do not produce enough products to export and sell. Now that the lockdown has started it feels as though we are losing the fight against Covid and that it will be around for much longer than we thought. Although the scientists and medics have been saying that it will be with us for a long time I think there was a feeling in the country that we were over the worst. I suppose that is just part of our human condition-we have to feel that we will always survive even when the threat of death is real. If we did not think like this life would seem pointless and we would not achieve anything. In reality our bodies are always battling against bacteria and other harmful substances, and I sometimes think it is surprising that we live as long as many of us do. Recently I had bad news from my brother who lives in Thailand. He is very unwell at the moment and I feel helpless because I cannot go and see him. He has some problems with his oesophagus, and it could be serious. He is probably going into hospital there soon. He has always had good healthcare in Thailand but he will have to pay. I hear a lot of people complaining lately that they cannot see their doctor, or any doctor at the moment. I hear them complaining about this when I am on the bus or at the shops. I have been lucky. I have seen my doctor twice lately and I also had a scan to check on my osteoporosis a couple of days before lockdown. There have been some heart breaking stories on the television lately about families who have lost several members to Covid. My husband thinks the media are exploiting their grief by showing them on TV. It does bring home the reality of Covid and how much some people have suffered. I think there are some people who do not realise how awful it is to have Covid 19 and to be struggling for every breath. Some people

have never lost a close family member and do not realise what it is to be overwhelmed by grief. Time does not heal when people lose someone close. People simply have to learn to live without the person but most people always feel that someone is missing and anniversaries and milestones of all kinds are always painful. This virus should never be taken lightly. It does not seem to behave like other viruses as our immunity does not seem to last long after people have recovered from it and the consequences of it can be long lasting. Remembrance Sunday 8th November 2020 Today we stood at our front door and observed the two minutes silence as people were asked to do. Three of our neighbours came out to their doors. Then we went for a walk along the seafront. To our surprise there was a ceremony going on at the War memorial. There was the usual laying of wreaths and military music playing over some speakers. The British Legion were there and some military veterans. I did not think that would be allowed this year but I do think we need to remember the fallen but there wasn’t much social distancing. I have been reading another book about the First World War. I have always been interested in it as my grandfather was at the Dardanelles and he had pictures of the battle ships all along the hall in his home. He died when I was ten but I remember him well. He had that staunch sense of humour that his generation kept, despite the horrendous experiences that they had. He was badly injured on the beach and layed there for three days without any medical aid. I think of him and his young comrades on Remembrance Sunday and also of my father who was in Burma and was lucky enough to come home. When I read of all the hardship that those generations endured it makes me think of what is going on now. The difference is, although there were some reparations after the wars most people did not receive any help from the government when they first lost their homes through bombing. They had to sleep in Church halls and just take what anyone could give them. Now some people complain all the time that the government isn’t doing enough, yet we owe trillions and I don’t know how we will ever pay it back. An old friend who is in her late eighties said “Why do people think it is the governments job to keep them? Why don’t they work?” I know there are very few jobs around now but before this crisis many people had never worked. I remember when I was in my teens and I was on the way to work I spoke to an older lady who said she had worked ever since she left school and she said, “Some days you get up and don’t feel too energetic but you just get ready and go and once you are at work you forget how you felt. It is much better to do that than to give up work and dwell on your problems.” I always remembered that and I think it does help to try to be positive and carry on. I had polio as a young child and often felt fatigued when I was in my teens. My mother used to say “Have a cup of tea and you will feel better.” It did help. I have always got very tired and I suffer from migraine and so I do know what it is like to feel under the weather but I often feel happier when I go to work. We always need to have benefits for those who are sick and cannot work but I think some people take advantage now and they do not think they should give up luxuries for a while or save up money for a rainy day. One thing that I do think is very wrong in today’s society is the uncontrolled rents for homes. It is wrong

that some landlords and landladies charge extortionate rents which make it impossible for tenants to save any money and councils have to pay out housing benefits. I think there should be a cap on rents. A lot of hardship is caused by social problems rather than a lack of money. With child benefit being available for children it should be possible to give every child something for breakfast. My mother did not have much money and she did not buy herself new clothes or go out very much because she spent the money on bills and our food. She did not get into debt because she always said, “Pay the bills first and buy the food and then see what is left.” I adhered to the same principles. There was never very much left over! I am sure there are many people who are genuinely hard up and many others who are thrifty, but I do think there is too great a sense of entitlement and people have become too reliant on the welfare state. When the television reports that children are going hungry, they never ask searching questions about what money is coming into the home and what this money is being spent on. I believe that children should be taught how to manage money in schools. Although this would put the responsibility on teachers rather than parents it could prevent problems in the future. It does strike me as strange that before the Covid crisis anyone who was unemployed was expected to live on about £100 a week and they still are but people who are being furloughed get 80% of their wages even though their job has probably gone for good. My son lost his job and his home when he had to return to this country but all he is entitled to is what used to be called job seekers allowance, yet people who are furloughed are getting more and some have found other jobs as well. That does not seem necessary to me. Once they are established in a second job I think the furlough money should cease. All the people who complain that the government is not doing enough were quite happy for the unemployed to struggle on with very little money and no-one complained about that. There must be people like my son whose work abroad suddenly dried up who are in dire straits abroad or are back in the UK without any benefit entitlement, as you have to have worked here in the last three years to claim. There still seems to be a lot of inequalities in the system. November 9th 2020 Today Boris Johnson announced that a vaccine is almost ready to be approved and it seems to be 90% effective against the virus. No doubt there will be criticism if it is not rolled out quickly enough for some people. It is bound to take time for it to be approved and rolled out and it is bound to take a long time as logistically it will be a huge task to get everyone vaccinated. It is great news and if we can defeat this virus it will be marvellous but I do wonder whether the virus may mutate. The other news of course is all about Joe Biden winning the Presidential election in America. Some sections of the media are obviously rejoicing in Donald Trump’s defeat but it was much narrower than was predicted. I think America s moe divided than ever. I had to laugh today when the news showed Barack Obama with Donald Trump after Trump won the last election and this was held up as an example of a smooth transition! Perhaps I imagined the hostility between them. I certainly remembered that there was friction and it concerns me that people who do not question the news may swallow all this misinformation which is so common now. The news no longer reports facts-it deals in opinions dressed up as facts. I hope that Joe Biden will be a good president, but I

wonder if he will be strong enough to stand up to Russia, North Korea, and China. Changes at the moment on the world stage and at home all serve to make people feel more anxious and Covid 19 means that we are all living in a state of uncertainty and heightened anxiety. A couple of weeks ago I went to Church in the town where I was brought up. I felt the need to go to Church and our local Church here has remained closed. It was lovely to worship with old friends and to sing hymns- even with a mask on! Today I was surprised to get a call from the NHS about my eye check up. I was supposed to be seen in the eye clinic last March but I had heard nothing and so when I went to the doctor on Friday I asked her if she could chase up my appointment and she wrote the letter then and there but I did not expect to hear from them on Monday! I now have two appointments for the eye clinic this week. This shows that the NHS is still functioning well in this part of the country as I also had my appointment for my osteoporosis scan through very quickly once I had asked the doctor about it. At the weekend we heard that British Airways wanted to change our flight to Scotland again so we decided to cancel it and we had no trouble getting our money refunded. I hope to go to Scotland in the spring but we will have missed my brother’s Golden Wedding anniversary of course. Everyone I speak to says they are fed-up with the lockdown. We all know we have to adhere to the rules but it doesn’t stop you from feeling tired of the restrictions. I think about going away on holiday just because I would like a change of scene. I have no great desire to go abroad now but I would like to go to a small hotel in another part of the country. I am lucky to live at the seaside but I just want to go somewhere different. November 10th 2020 I went to work today. It is quiet in the room where I work but more patients are coming in to the surgery now. I think the staff feel a little less down now that a vaccine seems likely to be rolled out soon. I had an email from an elder of my Church today and she said she is hoping our Church will re-open after lockdown but they will have to get some new technology so that the service can be live streamed to people who do not want to risk coming into Church. It will be a lot of work, putting all the right measures in place. I said I would help if I could. One of my friends has a daughter with special needs and she has encountered lots of problems and delays in getting her medical treatment. I feel very sorry for her as the family lives under a lot of stress as it is. November 11th 2020 I went to work today. This morning on the news programmes all they talked about was the possible problems of getting the vaccine approved and out. It is any wonder our young people suffer from anxiety and depression when all they hear about is the worst case scenario? One would never think this country

has been able to organise flu vaccinations every winter. Of course this is a much bigger roll out logistically but it is essential and we have to prioritise it. In the long term it will save the NHS from having to care for so many patients with Covid 19 and will save us from the heartache of losing loved ones. Although we have to be patient and cautious we should still be celebrating the fact that scientists have managed to develop a vaccine in record time. I was quite amused when it was announced that mouthwash can kill the Covid virus instantly. When Donald Trump talked about disinfectant killing the virus and suggested his health minister might investigate to see if “something similar” might be worth looking at the media ridiculed him and represented him as suggesting that people inject themselves with disinfectant. It was perfectly clear that he wasn’t suggesting any such thing. I know that Donald Trump often says questionable things but in this instance I don’t think he was being as stupid as they would like us to think. November 13th . My brother in Scotland went to a wedding in Edinburgh today. The numbers were restricted of course. Some areas of Scotland are in high lockdown tiers. I have been worried about my brother in Thailand lately so I have not felt like writing. The vaccine news is really good but at the moment but the cases seem to be increasing and I don’t see how people will be able to mix much at Christmas if that goes on. I haven’t seen my eldest son for almost a year. November 18th This morning I had the news I had been dreading. It has been confirmed that my brother has cancer of the oesophagus. He went into hospital in Thailand today. I hope his wife will be able to phone me and give me some more information. I don’t know how advanced the cancer is. He is having a CT scan and further tests. My brother is sixty nine which doesn’t seem old to me. My other brother said if it wasn’t for Covid we could fly out to see him. At least it would be easier to get some information if we were there. Of course we can’t do that. I don’t like to think of my brother in the hospital with no family near him. I am not sure if his wife is allowed to visit him. There is also civil unrest in Bangkok too. November 27th 2020 When the lockdown is lifted on 2nd December we will be in Tier 2. The news is all about the tiers that areas will be in and the fact that large parts of the country will be in Tier 3. I won’t be going to Scotland for my brother’s Golden Wedding so I have ordered some flowers to be delivered to them on the day. Today I Skyped my brother in Thailand. He can only get food through a feeding tube and he can only sip small amounts of fluid. He is still waiting for another scan and can’t have an operation until they get the results. He will have to pay privately. He wanted to come back to this country but he would have to pay privately for at least six months and the cost would be astronomical. It does seem a bit unfair that he can’t access the NHS here as he has always paid the higher rate of National Insurance all the years he worked both in this country and abroad and he is a British citizen. It does make me appreciate the NHS here. Recently I have

had several check ups and have not had to wait more than a week since the referral which is remarka ble. I have had a DEXA scan to check on my osteoporosis, and I have seen an eye specialist and I have had a chest Xray all this month so the health service seems to be functioning well where I am concerned! I spoke to my sister-in-law in the North West today and my brother-in-law who has cancer is deteriorating more now. It does seem that there is a lot of bad news around lately on a personal and public level. I have found it hard to concentrate on hobbies lately because of the news about my brother. My only pleasure in the lifting of lockdown will be that I will be able to meet with my oldest friend and travel to nearby towns, although I shall still be careful. I don’t think people have stayed in half as much in this lockdown as they did in the first one. The local town centre seems quite busy. I haven’t done any Christmas preparations yet, apart from a few cards. I haven’t felt like it. I have been in touch with my relatives in Canada and Australia and they all say that Covid is having a big impact there too. Some older couples I know really miss seeing the other members of their family, particularly younger people. Arcadia is the latest company to go bust and so that is another lot of job losses. It is very worrying. My son still hasn’t got a job but that is going to be the same for many people now. Even when there are jobs available they are only advertised online now and I think jobs often go to friends or relatives of people who already work for the company so it is much harder for outsiders to get a start.

December 2020 The lockdown lifted on the 2nd. I met up with a friend on the 3rd. We went round the shops and went for some lunch. Only one other person came into the cafe whilst we were there and the owner said she could hardly meet her overheads. There were quite a lot of people in the town. This lockdown doesn’t seem anything like as strict as the last one. People just go into shops and on public transport more. I have been Skyping my brother in Thailand most days. It does help to see each other even though we are all those miles apart. I looked up about travelling to Thailand but it seems I would have to self isolate for two weeks on arrival. It is a horrible situation. I have not felt much enthusiasm for Christmas but I did write a lot of Christmas cards early and today, 4th December, I started putting up a few decorations. I don’t like my tree to go up until the second week of December. My eldest son will not be able to come this Christmas as his wife looks after her parents and it is too risky travelling around and they could bring Covid back to her parents. I don’t know when we will see them again. I think people should be cautious about mixing households at Christmas. It could cause a spike after Christmas. The economic news is very bad at the moment with so many shops going out of business. I would really miss the high street shops. I like to see clothes and try them on, not order online. It is really good that the vaccine has been approved. I have heard some people saying they don’t think it is safe but I will just hope it is and have it. Let us hope that by the early summer we will be able to be more optimistic. I think our scientists and researchers have worked very hard and they deserve our appreciation. I am now on holiday from work for a few days as I should have been in Scotland with my eldest brother and all his family. I will try and enjoy Christmas and make it as happy as I can for the three of us here. I look forward to a time when my family can be reunited and we can travel and see each other again.

January 2021 A lot has happened since I last wrote. The Covid cases have shot up and now parts of the country that had relatively low case numbers have had rocketing numbers. London is particularly bad again and the hospitals are under great strain. I am still going to work. Christmas visits had to be curtailed by the Government and now there is another lockdown. We had a quiet Christmas, and we didn’t have any visitors which was what we all agreed on anyway. It is just not worth the risk, and I think it is wrong to risk spreading the virus by mixing. A new variant of the virus seemed to originate in South Africa and then was one discovered in Britain. I personally don’t like the way they were attributed to a country when some people are still travelling. It seems like a blame game. These new mutations are more contagious. It is disturbing to hear of other mutations but hopefully the vaccines will control them in the future even if they can never be fully eradicated. At least we have a few vaccines now and the scientists have done brilliantly to get them tested and implemented. The vaccine roll out here is going very well. People are being trained to administer them, and along with the trained clinicians they are working very hard to get as many people vaccinated as possible. As I work in the NHS I have had my first dose. It did make me feel a bit unwell for a couple of days but I was just grateful to get it. Unfortunately, my daughter-in-law in London got the virus- ironically she got it when she took her father for his first dose. She hadn’t been out of the house for months. Her symptoms were like a nasty flu and she has recovered now but it was very worrying at the time. Whereas in the first lockdown back in March I only heard of one person very distantly connected with my family who had the virus. This time I have heard of lots more people. My brother in Thailand is getting his cancer treatment. I wish I could see him but I have no idea if or when I shall be able to go. It will be tragic if he cannot come to England ever again as I know he really wants to spend his twilight days here. At least he is getting treatment there. I also had some sad news. One of my closest friends who lives in the North of England has terminal cancer. She has family in the South but again she is unable to visit. Australia has closed its borders for 2021. My son still hasn’t got a job and it looks unlikely at the moment and although he wanted to do some volunteer work that has all been put on hold. I don’t think anyone expected this pandemic to last as long as it has. I think people are more depressed now because things seemed to be opening up and then it got worse than ever. I think it reminds us that humans are vulnerable and the planet is always under attack from something. Today is the highest daily death rate ever. It can be hard to keep cheerful but I try to believe that things will improve in time.