Corona Diaries

Maya

“…we feel like what’s coined as the best year and ‘best summer’ of our lives has been snatched away.”

Background Information

Female, aged 18-24, Student/Retail Assistant, South Wales, White, living with family during UK

lockdown.

March 2020

Monday, March 23rd

Today should have been the 3rd day of my 18th birthday trip to Amsterdam. Months of planning and a

meticulous schedule down the drain! To be honest for the last week and a half its been looking less and

less likely, last Friday (13th) the Netherlands closed all public spaces and then a few days later the travel

ban. To improve the mood I have made a list of all the things that I have been meaning to do for months

and can now do.

- Good bedroom clean out

- Outdoor yoga and improve my stretch limits

- Sort and organise school stuff ( sad)

- Do an open university course relating to uni

- Student finance application

- Decoupage some plant pots

- Paint

- Bike rides and improve my skills

- Sort polaroids and get some pictures printed.

Tuesday, March 24th

Made a very good start of the room sort today and had a good clear out. The feeling of being indoors with

no let up is bizarre. However, I should appreciate that both of my parents are in secure ‘essential roles’ so I

have nothing to financially worry about and all of my friends and family are healthy. We are on the luckier

side.

Saturday, 28th March

Today should have been my first day back in work after 2 weeks off, to celebrate my birthday and to go on

a trip that never went ahead. But alas instead I did a seven mile walk to try and fill the day and to be fair by

the time I got home I was too exhausted to feel bored.

Saturday, 29th March

Chill day today as I very much have come near the end of my to- do list and so need to ration my tasks.

Tuesday, 31st March

An all right ish day today, went on a bike ride and baked some blondies that turned out well, however, the

boredom is now starting to set in. The to – do list has dwindled and running out of things to add to it.

April 2020

Wednesday, 1st April

Today I felt rubbish- who knows when this will be over? Who knows how long we will be trapped indoors

and it is beginning to feel endless – the world of facebook and the average jo seems to think it will be the

summer and travel companies are saying mid to late June, yet the scientist in me and the medical articles I

am reading are saying that would be extremely optimistic and are expecting months (if not a year and a

half) until we are able to have a more ‘normal life’ again. I’m growing really fed up of hearing phrases like

the ‘new normal’. This is not normal, nobody wants it to become normal, and we want out as quickly as

possible. These phrases, although simple are having a really bad affect on many of my friends, we feel like

what’s coined as the best year and ‘best summer’ of our lives has been snatched away, and we certainly

don’t feel like absolutely anybody should be considering the situation in any way shape or form as ‘normal’.

Thursday, 2nd April

A better day today and determined to make tomorrow and the next days better.

Saturday 11th April

I haven’t felt the need to write the last couple of days. Again, as is becoming a running theme, it has been a

bizarre week yet a good week the sun is helping. I am beginning to see the benefits of sunbathing rather

than studying ( due to my cancelled exams ). I am however, very torn as to whether to accept a temporary

job in order to feel useful and if I’m honest, to earn some money or whether it just isn’t worth the risk to

myself and my families safety.

Monday 13th April

There are only a finite number of ways to say that I am bored! I NEVER spend a whole day at home since I

was 15 mon – fri has been school/ sixth form and Saturday and Sundays have been going to work, so this

is really difficult.

I almost feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself because I know there are people who are having it a lot worse

such as my friend from school whose Auntie was a nurse and has sadly passed and his grandma in the

Philippines has also died. Yet I am still finding it difficult to appreciate this ‘time off’. My job is looking less

and less likely to return (Debenhams) as the company is entering a frankly quite dire financial situation and

university is (supposedly) growing closer and closer. The epic summer we had planned of travel and

adventure before I move away for uni feels like it is slipping further and further out of my grasp. I know this

is nothing in comparison to losing a family member but that doesn’t stop it from being disappointing and

upsetting.

Who knows when and how this will end but I very much hope that it is sooner rather than later.

Tuesday 14th April

Discovered a new walking path today and it was nice to feel like I was exploring and allowing myself to get

lost, starting to seriously be tempted to book my dream trip to Asia next year because why the fuck not. I

should enjoy every freedom, when they are finally given back and not worry too much about the future

because well, I may not have it and as we have all learnt situations can change rapidly. I am starting to feel

a positive mental shift.

Sunday 19th April

Haven’t felt the need to write the last few days because they were good but today was a toughie! I REALLY

miss sixth form especially the social aspects, even the little things like playing uno in the common room or

the big things like Niamh and Beth making me laugh until I am in physical pain when we are supposed to

be studying, leading to Mrs Trott (the librarian) being on the rampage. I love and miss my friends so much

right now.

I have started an OU course on public health responses to infectious disease in order to offset some of the

academic withdrawal symptoms. Its good so far and hopefully will be useful for uni next year.

If I’m honest I think missing school and my job, which to be honest, I previously wasn’t that fond of, are

actually just symptoms of my ache for some sort of normality to return and of missing my year that I have

had planned and have looked forward to for soooo long.

However, I am hopeful that some sort of normality will soon return even if that Is as simple as being able to

grab a takeaway McDonalds or Costa.

Monday 20th April

Felt almost back into the swing of things today, I completed most of an online course that in started and

went for a good walk. It felt a productive day and it has been nice to focus on something academic for the

last few days. It is a sense of familiarity of the exams that I should have been studying hard for right now. I

should have already sat a practical exam by now and I should be flooded by the stress of doing enough

revision that I get every year, even though every year I always do more than enough, and it always ends

well.

I am seeing more and more local businesses moving online which is nice to see. Hopefully it will mean that

a good few of said local businesses will stay afloat through this.

A decent day overall.

Wednesday 22nd April

Just a few days ago I was writing about how I was disappointed that my summer had been cancelled/ pu t

on hold, but today that just seems very unimportant.

We have heard from the chief medical officer that some kind of ‘lockdown’ will likely be in place until a

vaccine/ cure has been developed. I know this is at least 12 months away but it could be as much as 24

months yet, even though I know that it is unlikely I pray for the 6-month mark of September that the Oxford

scientist have optimistically given. Feeling the gloom again and finding it difficult to snap out of it.

Definitely riding the #coronacoaster. One-minute feeling awful, then denial, then cautious optimism, and

then awful about the outset again.

Friday 24th April

I can summarise every day in almost the same way:

- A LOT of BAKING

- A lot of eating

- Reading

- Wondering if life will ever be the same

- Watching the press conference and then unequivocally believing all the ‘experts’ on twitter even though I know it is ridiculous.

I would be very interested to see the role that the media, especially twitter has had to play in this whole

situation, of course once it is all over.

Saturday 25th April

I feel very frustrated today. I have seen two people post facebooks posts about ‘family time’, that being a

barbeque and a family picnic in the park (groups that don’t live together, like 10 or more adults and

children). I think people are beginning to give up on everything, at least I hope this is the case and not that

they just don’t care. It is so very annoying to have not seen my nanna for nearly 9 weeks (she is very

vulnerable and so we have headed warnings from the beginning) and yet people continue to act as if life is

just going to return to normal when they are acting so complacently, so irresponsibly and so selfishly.

May 2020

1st May

First day of a new month (another month) in lockdown. The entire month of April passed in a blink of

baking, walks that I would never normally go on and a lot of French podcasts that I don’t understand a word

of.

3rd May

Saw my grandma for the first time since my birthday today. We walked over and stood at the end of the

path to say hello and she gave us some very overdue Easter eggs!

4th May

According to my diary today is a bank holiday but you really can’t tell because it has been the same as

every other day for the last 7 weeks. I sat in the garden, did some French and finished off my open

university health course.

6th May

It’s been a slow week. I really haven’t ‘achieved’ very much at all. I really have just lazed around, watched

crappy tv and just got through the days. Its been a long week since my to-do list completely ran out and

there is only so much washing and ironing one person can do.

7th May

Tonight was a clap for carers again. Today was the first day we clapped for my cousin, who is a student

nurse and has changed her course to be more practical based. Currently she Is working for free, although

unlike her English counterparts she doesn’t have to pay tuition fees, it still seems wrong that she is used as

a commodity and has to take out a loan to be able to live.

We are all very proud of her for choosing to move out of home – for an undetermined amount of time – so

that she can serve our NHS.

Thursday night is about more than clapping now, all the neighbours talk in the garden and catchup and

sometimes we get the camping chairs out and have a cup of tea from our respective gardens. We barely

knew our neighbours before this so it has been nice to get to know them a bit better.

8th May

VE day! We had a street party today (a socially distant one albeit) we are lucky that on our street our

gardens are relatively far apart anyway so distancing isn’t difficult. It was the first street party I have ever

had and only the second my mam has ever had. I very much doubt that we would have had one if it hadn’t

been for this situation.

9th May

Today would’ve been my grandads 83rd birthday. We normally get together as a family to do something.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my nanna today, she lives alone so lockdown is tough anyway but I can’t

imagine what today was like for her on her own. Every day I have wished that I could leave and go

somewhere mildly exciting but today really has been a day where I wish I could’ve just go out so I could

have a coffee and a chat with my nan.

10th May

Literally a do nothing day. I finished most of an audio book and just sat in the garden and sunbathed. I also

made some cupcakes which were turning out well until I ruined them with some icing which failed and

turned out lumpy.

*bonus, the boredom finally became so much that I gave in and downloaded TikTok.

11th May

I really do now think that first term uni will be online or at the very least large scale lectures will be online. I

have a sneaking suspicion that this is why the accommodation application at my uni has been delayed.

12th May

My list of things cancelled this year:

- My birthday trip - my holiday to Jamaica - my end of year friends holiday

- My trip to berlin with my cousin

- The last term if school

- My prom (that I spent three months organising)

- Reading festival

- The BVS traditional leavers pub crawl

- My Nanna’s birthday party

- All of my exams which means my teachers decide my grades, based on the mocks we were told not to worry about and being ranked against my classmates. A real bad thing when I am in the best

performing year group my school has had for decades and when 75% of my biology class are

holding medicine offers and need an A* and a far few will fall back on the A list of there are too

many A*s handed out. Yet I only NEED a B but I am deserving of and wanted an A.

I don’t mean to dwell but I felt like I had to let my thoughts spill out and having reading cancelled today

meant that I couldn’t stop thinking about the things that have changed and been cancelled.

13th May

Aside from my daily French lesson the biggest event in my day is taking last nights glass from my bedroom

to the dishwasher. I am honestly quite numb to the news and events now. I suppose like it will for

everybody the events of this year, all we have missed and been through will hit us afterwards.

14th May

Today I gave my dog a bubble bath and painted his nails, fair to say my mum didn’t love it. I also thought

about deferring today. I want the full experience and the experience of freshers. I don’t want to do it via

zoom on the sofa. It’s a big and expensive decision to make so obviously I will take time to consider my

options and also see how things pan out over the next few weeks. I could use the year to earn money so I

don’t have to struggle through uni and travel later in the year when we are allowed, the scholarship that I

was budgeting around has also been suspended for the year due to covid-19. The thing holding me back is

worrying about making my gap year worthwhile, memory recall and the ability to be able to get back into the

grove of working. I already cant remember anything and its only been two months since I left school.

17th May

It was my nanna’s birthday today. Obviously, we couldn’t celebrate but we dropped flowers and cakes on

the doorstep.

22nd May

Its really been a tough week. The numbness has left and the scale of what ive missed and the losses that

friends have suffered has hit. I have cried myself to sleep a few times this week. Unrelated to the

pandemic, the time has left me thinking about an event which happened when I was younger which has not

helped my mental health. Any way this is what I have been up to this week:

- My friends and I all sent each other care packages which has been nice. I got chocolate, metal straws and a vegan cookbook which literally could not have been more me! Food, environment

saving products and vegan food all in one.

- I am still thinking about deferring. I have confirmation from my course leader that they would accept my application to defer so it really is up to me now.

- We got confirmation today that Debenhams (where I work) has agreed a rent agreement with my local council so the store will be reopening when they are allowed to but they are expecting to make

redundancies across the business.

- I also should have had 3 of my 6 six exams by today which is weird.

25th May

It was one of my primary school friends’ birthdays today. It was very frustrating to see her have a full-blown

garden party with zero social distancing. I know I shouldn’t judge, especially when I got to celebrate my

birthday almost as normal but it doesn’t stop it from being annoying.

28th May

We went on a bike ride today from home to the mumbles. It was rather easy to get there but I rather

regretting the decision on the way back when it was all up hill.

It was nice to be able to be able to go somewhere different to the park just across the road. We got an ice

cream and walked along the sea front, it felt like an old Sunday afternoon. It wasn’t too busy so everyone

was able to stay apart.

30th May

What a week! The globalisation of American politics has always fascinated me. There are countries all over

the world with horrific human rights records, where entire groups are oppressed, killed and persecuted for

being different, being gay, being a woman or standing up for rights and simply wanting protection from your

own government. Genocides even go largely un-noticed by the public (Rohingya Muslims for example). Of

course, I don’t mean this to remove from or underplay what is happening in America but it is interesting that

we hold them in higher regard to other, older nations.

2020 will be a big chapter in the history books. I feel it has been a perfect storm for what is happening.

Years of oppression and mistreatment of black and ethnic groups, a president who refuses to condemn

white supremacists and racist organisations and makes election year a slanging match all rolled into a

global pandemic where people either feel that their civil liberties have been taken away or that their

government has not acted soon enough and as a result thousands too many have died.

I feel this has been bubbling for a long time and so it will not easily ‘fizzle out’. The people who have

suffered these injustices and those who watch in horror will not be easily appeased.

31st May

Last day of the month and longest day of the year! Its hot! I am sunburnt! And my mind still thinks it’s April!

I can’t believe half of 2020 has passed already.