Corona Diaries

Natalie

“Still have to get up, open a window and breathe, can’t give up now, haven’t got time to sit and seethe.”

Background Information

Female, Aged 18-24, Student, South Wales, Single

March – First Diary Entry Day 01 - 20th March 2020 3,983 cases in the UK 177 deaths

The number of cases seems to be skyrocketing every day, I feel like the Government isn’t prepared to deal

with this, they have been so slow in their reactions it is frustrating. Only today Boris Johnson announced

that pubs, restaurants, gym etc will be closing as ‘people haven’t listened to social distancing advice’. I do

feel though that we elect politicians to make these big decisions for us and people feel so distanced from

the government they won’t listen to their ‘advice’ - people don’t trust the government or have much faith in

it. People need to be told out right that they don’t have the option to go out or take part in anything non -

essential. It seems to be getting closer to home too, which is scary considering I live in the middle of

nowhere (I can’t imagine how people in the big cities feel), every day I am hearing rumours of people in the

next village being tested positive, could very well all be rubbish and Chinese whispers, but in a time where

news is flying around constantly you don’t really know what to believe. I honestly just feel anxious, as if this

is just going to close in on me and my family, when it was first in China and the media were picking it up, it

felt a million miles away, it could have been on a different planet? I was going out for food with my elderly

grandparents not batting an eyelid and two or so weeks later, I am officially worrying. It is just scary

knowing the inevitable is going to happen and the unknown of how we will come out of this. Another worry I

have about this is what is going to happen to the country after this, surely, we will be in turmoil? Surely

people and the government will be in so much debt, people have already been laid off from work, I just

can’t see how we will be able to carry on after this and not be in a mess (but I suppose I should remind

myself I have only been alive 20 years and we somehow manage to get through global problems like this).

To keep myself busy, I have been doing odd jobs around the house, rearranged my bedroom about 328

times and it’s only been a few days, I found an odd clove of garlic in the fridge and decided to do an

experiment to see if I can grow it into more garlic, it is going well, I have put it in water, and it’s started to

grow roots. I should just be getting on with my assignments, realistically this should be good for my studies

I will have a chance to have to work on a much more individual and independent level, I just feel

preoccupied with worry at the moment.

• All driving tests have been suspended for at least 3 months

• Urgent appeal to close all bars, restaurants etc

• 7 cases in health board area

Day 02 21st March 2020 5018 cases in the UK 220 deaths

• 14 people in my health board area

• Urgent appeal not to visit parents on Mother’s Day

• Biggest rise of cases in 24 hours so far

• People urged to stop selfish shopping

Day 03 22nd March 2020 5683 cases in the UK 281 deaths

• 16 people in my health board area

• Youngest person dies from it, aged 18

• Boris still not put country on lockdown, people are not listening to social distancing measures, he says

people should take the seriously

• McDonalds set to close all restaurants

Day 04 23rd March 2020 6,650 cases in the UK 335 deaths

• Boris Johnson put the country on lockdown, we are only allowed to leave the house to go on one

exercise (like a walk, cycle) or to go shopping for essentials and medicine

• The police are enforcing this, and we can face fines

• McDonalds closes all its stores in the UK, Costa Coffee has shut all stores, Nando’s too

• Can travel to/from work if you are a key worker

• 16 people in my health board area

Day 05 24th March 2020 8,077 cases in the UK 422 deaths

• Highest 24-hour death rise so far (+87)

• People being told they have to work from home

• People are still not listening to the lockdown, tube in London very busy

• All stores are closed except ‘essential service’ store - food, medicine, pet shops

• Sports Direct scandal - they tried to claim they were an essential shop; they have been rejected. They

were then found to be increasing the prices of the equipment and they have faced controversies

• Urgent appeal for 250,000 volunteers to help the NHS

• Excel in London being transformed into a 4,000-bed temporary hospital for the vast amount of Corona

cases

• 40% drop in shoppers on high streets and cash machine withdrawals down by 50%

• Japan 2020 Olympics officially cancelled

• Maximum gatherings of two people in public

• Asthma pumps in short supply as people are stockpiling them

• Welsh Rugby Union makes the principality stadium open to install hospital beds

• Hand sanitiser and thermometers being stolen in great deal from Swansea Bay hospitals

• 27 cases in my health board area

Day 06 25th March 2020

• UK girl aged 21 died with no underlaying health problems (it has gone from a disease that will affect

elderly/ young to not having discrimination of age)

• Trying to keep myself busy I have completed 1/4 modules for this semester and my SEA award

• We have been told our student accommodation is being used to house NHS workers, I suppose it is

probably closer to the hospital than their homes

• My great uncle drove down to our house today asking if we had any spare food as my disabled

aunty/uncle had no food in their cupboards and shops were empty

Day 07 26th March 2020

• Everyone did a clap for the NHS staff at 8pm, loads of videos where you can see whole streets doing it, I

live in the middle of nowhere, so it didn’t really have the same effect here, but it really gave us a couple

of minutes to think about what the NHS staff are doing, risking our lives for us everyday

• Rugby Stadium training barn is being used for a morgue, my cousin is a funeral director, and he has told

he needs to seriously prepare, a hotel in South Wales is apparently going to be used as a makeshift

hospital

Day 08 27th March 2020 11,658 cases in the UK 587 deaths

It is unbelievable that I only started writing this a week ago, it feels like so much has changed. There is

such an eerie feel to everything, even walking the dogs on my ‘one walk a day’, where I live it is usually

pretty quiet but there is not a soul to be seen. We tried getting a grocery delivery, none available with

TESCO/Sainsbury’s/Morrisons, we managed to get an order on a ‘click and collect’ slot for the 5th of April (

we booked it on the 23rd of March) so we will be able to get some essentials in, but I can’t help but think of

all the elderly people who can’t even work a computer let alone do their whole food shop online, I know my

grandparents wouldn’t have a clue, I suppose that a positive of them living next door, I know they are never

without anything. The 21-year-old girl with no underlaying health problems has really been a wakeup call

for me, I am a 20-year-old, asthmatic, overweight girl, I really shouldn’t be taking my body and health for

granted. I am currently in the middle of a fundraiser though, raising money for Cancer Research UK by

walking 5 miles a day/10,000 steps, every day in March, there is only a week left but that has kept me

pretty active. Other than that, I am just doing bits around the house, my garlic has grown tremendously, I

have planted them in soil now and I am enjoying seeing them grow, never really tried any type of gardening

so using this opportunity too I suppose. Today has been the biggest jump in deaths in the UK, 100 deaths

since yesterday, it’s too much to even comprehend if you really sit down and think about it. Sounds quite

ignorant of me but it feels like we are in a war where you can’t see the enemy, I know that’s ignorant and

life is a whole lot easier than when in the war, but people still won’t stay inside? It’s crazy to me, people are

still down the beach and hanging around towns. All we have to do is stay in, watch TV, we can literally

order food from a website and get it delivered (with a bit of difficulty and waiting), we could be on food

rations. I really want to make these entries more creative and take the excuse to paint or to write a poem (I

used to love writing poetry, wasn’t ever very good at it mind but I loved it) but I am just feeling very on edge,

only had one lecture this week, none of my other lecturers have even emailed to say how we are going to

get the information, I understand they are probably feeling just as worried and they probably have children

to worry about but an email to sort of put my mind at ease to say the resources are available would be

really appreciated, especially knowing my assessments are going to be marked all the same (not my exam,

all exams are cancelled and I assume we will be having some sort of controlled assessment?), I guess my

point is, it is pretty hard to teach myself from a couple of lecture slides with no context or from nothing at all.

I want to have a productive day today; I am not going to watch the news because it drains the life out of me,

and I am going to get some stuff done that needs doing. Also, I would like to add that the weather is

amazing, sun all day, absolutely boiling - maybe this is some weird way for the world to say thanks for not

using as many cars etc. Had to update this on the 27th March, we had some news that our Prime minister

Boris Johnson has tested positive for Covid-19. Also, the death toll this morning was 587 (that was about

midday) I just checked before going to bed and its shot up to 759 deaths, that’s 181 since yesterday.

• UK scientists have started asking for volunteers to trail vaccines

• The NHS pleaded for 250,000 volunteers, 700,000 volunteered

• 45 cases in my health board area

28th March 2020 17,089 cases in the UK 1019 deaths

• the largest jump in deaths (again) of 260 people in 24 hours, we are hearing that on an almost daily basis

now ‘highest death rise’, feels like it is going to continue rising by large amounts

• My cousin is a funeral director, he held a funeral two days ago and he told us that the crematorium has

been ripped of the benches and there were 7 single seats scattered around the crematorium and it was

filmed as no more than seven people are allowed to attend. Imagine the additional pain of that, being in a

funeral and losing a loved one is so painful, imagine not being able to have a hug or a hand to hold.

• According to the Guardian, Corona virus patients in intensive care have a 50% survival rate

• Telegraph: predicted that 1.6 million people could be infected in England alone

• 54 confirmed cases in my health board area

29th March 2020 19, 522 cases in the UK 1228 deaths

• Over a two hundred jump in deaths

• I started my virus poster

• 75 cases in my health board area

April

1st April 2020 29,474 cases in the UK 2352 deaths

• For the last few days, I have decided to stay away from the news (feels impossible) as, ignorance is bliss

and A part of me just wants to enjoy being at home and having the time to get on with university work

• I have spent the past few days painting, I have never painted before really (not an actual attempt at it

anyways) and it worked out well, I ended up painting a daffodil, lily of the valley and I painted a pair of old

jeans, I painted them Tyler the creator themed

• My garlic is actually growing tremendously, have it all planted now in pots, I will insert a picture at some

point

• My grandad has had a letter saying he is at the highest risk of catching it, as he has recently had cancer,

has asthma, has awful sleep apnoea and many other underlaying health conditions

• They are now saying if deaths manage to be kept under 20,000 the NHS will have done well

• Price Charles has recovered and is out of isolation already, after just a week, questionable?

• Student nurses are being offered a 80% placement 20% theory format to their degree as they are so

desperate for help

• A huge 563 death toll rise

• I have completed 2 out of my four modules of assessment, so far, I have two essays left and my first year

of university is done

Also, I painted my nan her favourite flower (lily of the valley), it was my grandparent’s anniversary on the

30th, I couldn’t buy flowers, and these were in her wedding bouquet - she loved it.

• I am speaking to A journalist from the BBC tomorrow who is interested in why we are participating in this,

so I have just sat down to think, why am I doing this? How will this benefit me? Here are the reasons I

came up with:

Why am I doing it?

• it is very sad and upsetting but undeniably a huge part of history, nothing like this will occur again in

my lifetime, so first-hand accounts of what is happening will be important

• I want to track the speed of case rises /death rises and see how the social policy will change to suit

our ever-changing situation

• I wanted to keep track of how institutions responded to this and the people involved in them e.g.,

education

• I wanted to see how shops have treated people, I want to know where to spend my money when all

this blows over

• I wanted to track how much this had an effect on me and my immediate family (even though we are

small and in the middle of nowhere)

• It was a chance for me to be creative

• And I have so much spare time as less lectures/ no commutes/ fills time

• Isolation can become very doom and gloom; I know I am lucky, and I am still bored out of my mind

• It gives me another essential form of routine where I write a diary most nights before bed, it’s almost

like a chance to reflect on the day

• I very much enjoy research projects like this, to do with current issues and it was a great opportunity

to be involved in it

April 3rd, 2020 38,168 cases in the UK 3,605 deaths in UK

• 144 confirmed cases in my health board

• I spoke with George from the BBC today, he interviewed me as he is planning to do a piece of this

corona diaries, we spoke about education, day to day life, war, it was good actually - it was on zoom too

so I had to actually get out of my dressing gown and put a bit of makeup on which was nice actually, I felt

human again.

• I have been super lazy this week, started the week doing lots of work, finished two assignments and then

just decided to have the rest of the week off apparently?

• The exam I am supposed to have, that is 50% of my module, is being changed to 100% of my module

and I am having nothing else. Don’t know how I feel about that to be honest, in one way, it is one less

piece of work to do, on the other hand its one less chance to get a first this year

• Going to spend some time taking pictures and stuff for this BBC thing, it’s giving me something to do,

and I’m really excited about it to be honest.

• I have also picked my modules for next year, it’s just surreal, next time I will be in uni I will be a second-

year student

• We also picked up our groceries today and the queue to get into Asda was insane, literally crazy, haven’t

seen a queue like it

• I will add one of the pictures I took for George today, I felt like a bit of an idiot having photos taken but it

was funny.

I actually wrote a bit of a poem today, it’s nothing special, and again, not very good but:

Wake up to blue skies,

Wake up to grey mind,

Turn on the TV,

What’s happening, mankind?

Look out to green fields,

Look out to an anxious soul,

Easy to get lost in your thoughts,

when the world is falling apart, and you have no control.

Still have to get up,

open a window and breathe,

Can’t give up now,

Haven’t got time to sit and seethe.

I will try and continue to write some more, it’s a lovely way to write your feelings down

April 7th, 2020 51, 608 Cases in UK 5,373 deaths in UK

I haven’t entered anything for a good few days as I have actually been struggling very badly. I have been

feeling extremely down, emotional and anxious. It is at the point, I am waking up just to be sat in the house

wondering what to do next, even though I have a list of things I could be doing, I’m struggling to type even a

few sentences. I cannot quite put my finger on what is wrong, I think feeling lonely is the biggest issue I am

having right now, stuck in the house with my dad it has made me realise I actually don’t have many friends

at all, I don’t FaceTime them, we will maybe text on the odd occasion, but that is quite literally it. But I do

understand that my friends have their own lives going on - they have babies and relationships and jobs, just

feels like I have nothing right now, and being stuck in the house Is making me feel 1000x worse. Me and

my boyfriend of over 2 and a half years broke up last week and if that didn’t make me feel a million times

worse, I don’t know what will. Just put another layer onto how lonely and insignificant I was feeling. On top

of that, my mum is ill, been coughing for days now, she has phoned 111 and told her to stay in the house

and obviously I can’t see her. So my anxiety and my whole life generally has been a bit of a mess the past

few days, I’ve felt so anxious I have been sick and been up all night, which isn’t like me I cannot function

without like 8 hours sleep, I have hardly moved off the sofa in days - I suppose I am just feeling a bit sorry

for myself, but the anxiety of what will life be like for me after this is very much hitting (and hitting hard), it is

very realistic to think if my grandparents get this it will be awful for them (They have had letters saying they

are in the 1.5 million people that are at the highest risk), my long term boyfriend has gone, my mum hasn’t

spoken to me, so yeah, just feeling very lonely actually. I am not a very emotional person at all. Quite

literally all I want to do is stay in bed and do nothing, I am in the middle of an essay and I have never felt so

unfocused on a piece of work in my life, I think isolation has given me so much time to think about

everything that I just feel so awful and sad. Weirdly, I have about 1002389 different emotions going on but I

just feel numb? I know I can be over dramatic sometimes, but I feel like I will come out of this with no

friends, or boyfriend and probably crap grades because my heart isn’t in it right now. Oh well, I’ll be fine

April 9th 65,077 cases in UK 7,978 deaths in UK

Still feeling very emotional and very down, which is so out of character, I cannot explain it, feel so very

alone. My grandad’s old best friend and rugby teammate I suppose has died of covid19 and one of my

closest friends from primary school, his mum announced on Facebook she has tested positive for it too, so

scary. I have been going to bed about 10pm and just cannot sleep because my mind is so awake and I am

so worried about everything, struggling to put it into words as I am just feeling quite numb over the past two

days. Lockdown has been extended and I cannot wait to see my mum and my sister, it’s has been almost a

month since I saw them, and I miss them dearly.

April 14th 88,621 cases in the UK 11,329 deaths in the UK

Right, I am feeling somewhat better, somewhat more positive, about Coronavirus, just about being able to

get out of bed. I have spent the last few days to thinking about uni work, or anything, I just needed to take

some time to think about myself - which, without trying to sound like a saint, I rarely do. I have been reading

Louis Theroux’s The call of the weird, I have never read a book so fast in my life, I really could not put it

down, it was nice to read a book that I wanted to read (I always feel a bit guilty reading books that aren’t

sociology related, but Louis’ book is about subcultures - that is sort of sociology related, right?). But I woke

up yesterday morning and just thought I cannot mope around anymore, so I (reluctantly) went for a run, and

started a diet. I got quite a bit of work done and exercised - for me right now, that’s a winning day. We have

been going out every day for a walk, the dogs don’t know what’s hit them - they seem to prefer sleeping on

the couch all day. The article from BBC news has come out today, ‘Coronavirus: WW2-style study of

everyday lives launched’ it was lovely to read, everyone seems very happy about it had a few people have

said that I came across very well, who knows maybe I could be my own version of Louis Theroux one day?

As corona virus goes, I am still pretty anxious, but it’s moved from anxiety to just this numb feeling really? I

can’t explain it, I just feel like this will last forever. My mum is starting to get upset because I haven’t seen

her in a few weeks.

I have so much more time now, that I would have had otherwise, to be creative or do something I have

always wanted to do, but now that the time has come to it, I don’t know what I was to do, so I have order

Goffman’s The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life, that can be my next read hopefully, undeniably I

agree with a lot of Goffman’s work and I enjoy reading his ideas, they don’t seem as, far-fetched and

detached as some sociologist’s ideas? Surely, we can all see to a certain extent how we are actors in our

everyday lives, and throughout our lives we play many different roles - for most I’m sure, that’s undeniable.

Maybe I will change my view on that after reading a bit more.

My garlics are in individual pots now, feels like my children leaving the nest, they will still take 7 to 10

months to grow, but that’s going to be great. Isn’t that crazy, someone could get pregnant and have a baby,

an actual human by the time my garlic will grow. Safe to say, I am going insane in isolation.

I got a call from the radio today, a friendly gentleman spoke to me and asked me some vague questions

about the research project. He then said that he would call me, at 6:45 tomorrow for an actual conversation

about the project - on FaceTime, and me being stupid and a bit lazy replied “6:45 in the morning?”. He

laughed and assured me it was in the morning; I should have said something clever like I wasn’t aware

there was a 6-o clock in the morning. That means I have to be awake, showered, dressed and a bit of

makeup on by 6:45 tomorrow - wish me luck.

That means today I need to pull my finger out and do some of my essay, if I really want that 1st I have been

hoping and working for, I need to do more essay writing less chilling with the dogs. I am going to put

screenshots of the BBC article here as I never give myself credit for anything, but I am quite proud of this.

April 15th 98,476 cases in the UK 12,868 deaths in the UK

Well, what a change of heart since last week! Although I am not 100%, yesterday was such a wonderful

day and I was fully reminded that I have plenty of people; family and friends that love and support me.

When the article was released, I shared it on my Facebook page, wasn’t sure if it was a bit conceded too or

not - but I did. I had so much support, from cousins, family, friends, and people who I didn’t even know! A

few of my lectures actually got in touch too, just to say a well done and that I should be proud of myself,

that genuinely shocked me, I never thought any of my lecturers would remember my name or face really?

Didn’t think I was the type of person someone would vaguely remember. One of my lectures said they were

shocked by how much of a ‘natural media performer’ I am, it is making me second guess myself, maybe I

am more confident than I thought? (emphasis on the question mark). I woke up at 6am today, BBC Radio

Wales wanted to ask me about the study, which was crazy, I was more nervous for that than the BBC

interview, I think because it was live, and I am aware that I can ramble on. I finished reading my book, the

Louis Theroux one, was really interesting, but I think I will get all my work done for the rest of the semester

before I start a new book, only have 2 essays left and 1st year is over, I feel like my time there so far has

been over in a flash.

I also went for a run this morning, trying really hard to stick to this diet - but it’s taking a toll on me, I feel so

fatigued all the time, I went to bed at 10 pm.

The news has been full of stories about care homes and their lack of protection, I feel so lucky to live so

close to my grandparents, I thank God (maybe not God, for arguments sake though, let’s say God) that I

get to talk to them and how they have all the food they need. I am, in a sense hyper aware right now of how

lucky I am to be I the position I am in.

• deaths have been going unreported in care homes and they think it could be up to 4000 more deaths that

have come from there. A local care home has confirmed one case, my cousin (the funeral director, his

name is David) has done the funeral today for the elderly lady, but I am worried because my

grandmother (mum’s mum) works at that care home, and my sister’s grandmother (different dads) works

there too. I know they aren’t in their 70s, but my grandmother isn’t far from 65 so that worry I am having

today.

It is like waking up and being like “day 247246023 in isolation, what terrible worry will I try and comprehend

today?”

I won’t ramble anymore; I don’t think I need to mention my garlics for the 100th time (although they are

beautiful as ever).

April 17th, 2020 103,093 cases in the UK 13,729 deaths in the UK

The lockdown has officially been extended for three weeks, which is for the best but can’t help having a bit

of a heavy heart. I just want to be with my friends and family again, this is so strange. My dad and I are

clearly bored and just wondering around the house for bits to do. The days are going really fast, you’d

expect them to go slow you’re bored, but this is how my day is going:

9 am wake up

9:30 go for a run

Try and get some work done and procrastinate?

7pm dinner

11pm bed

Just getting tiring and I am feeling pretty useless being unproductive

April 19th, 2020 120,067 cases in the UK 16,060 deaths in the UK

Had a rough day today mentally, felt like isolation is never going to end, I am no longer seeing it as a

chance to do work, or sort things out in my life, feels like a prison sentence, I can’t do anything, stuck in the

house. I haven’t spoken to many of my friends, I know they are busy though so that makes sense, can’t

expect anything from anyone right now, we are all in a weird time. However, I went on two walks which

definitely lifted my mood, both of them came to around 10km, which killed my legs, and I am feeling it now.

I haven’t stopped all day, going to have a nice bath and hopefully feel a bit more relaxed and less I’m not

sure really... claustrophobic in my house?

April 20th

Woke up today, went on the weighing scale and I have lost two pounds, I know that’s not bad, but I feel like

I would have lost more as I have been trying really hard, eating a fraction of what I before and exercising

too. This week I obviously need to step up on the exercising. Trying to stay positive though it’s a new week,

going to try and get on with my essay, praying I can finish it. I went for a nice walk, run and did about 30 -

minute workout.

We also found tadpoles in our pond, so we saved them from being eaten by fish and I am officially a

tadpole mum!

April 21st 129,044 cases in the UK 17,337 Deaths in the UK

Been boiling today, have completed burnt my face and legs - great! Got my essay up to 1950 words, so

almost finished. Went on a 4km walk and called it a day as my legs were agony. We had food delivered

today, we could only have it delivered at 10pm as that was the only slot left, we released we forgot so many

items though, typical! My mum text me today just saying “I can’t do this anymore I’m so lonely” as she is in

isolation alone, which is horrible, and I feel awful, but I can’t just go from house to house.

April 27th 152,840 Cases in the UK 20,732 deaths in the UK

Feels like I haven’t written in here for ages (I mean, it has been 6 days). The level of loneliness I am feeling

being stuck in the house is excruciating, it actually feels physically painful, I keep thinking about my friends

and just trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel, maybe I have just turned quite negative, but I just

cannot imagine how life is going to go back to normal. Even when restrictions are lifted, I feel like everyone

is expecting the PM to suddenly be like “yeah, everyone, everything is open, go nuts!” But it’s just going to

be dribbles of restrictions lifted, which means it probably will be forever until life can go back to normal. It

obviously hasn’t helped going through a breakup, actually I think that has made it 20x worse, everything

that can make me feel alone, is being thrown at once apparently? There are over 20,000 deaths now, step

back and think about that, that’s 20,000 people; mums, dads, grandparents, friends, it is so easy to just

detach from the number, but that is 20,000 loved ones. Makes me feel like an idiot for being this

heartbroken over a breakup, when people are losing family members.

On a bit more of a positive note, I have been exercising every day, put a treadmill in the spare room and

doing the couch to 5KM, I am enjoying them both, as much as I can enjoy being out of breath and a

wonderful shade of red. my face actually turns into a more purple shade. I lost 5 lb this week, I have had no

appetite because of how I am doing mentally and been working out every day, silver linings?

I have been in the house for 6 weeks today, only left the house to collect a food shop, that is literally like a

school summer holidays of just being stuck in the house. I remember when I first came home and watched

the TV and saw that they said if they could keep it below 20,000 deaths, they would have done very well - I

can only try and think now how far off their predictions were? I am so scared, their predictions seem so off,

who knows how many people this will kill?

There have been talks of isolation being on until 2021, which I suppose is not true, but can you imagine?

People would just not listen to social distancing rules, surely? I mean I feel like people are starting to care a

bit less about distancing rules now, can you imagine what it would be like in months to come? All I know is I

cannot watch four in the bed for another 7 months.

30th April 171,253 cases in the UK 26,771 deaths in the UK

For my finally entry this month, and for the first time in what feels like a long time, we have had good news,

that we are actually past the peak of the Corona Virus. A questionable statement from the PM tonight of

being past the peak, how can they know when they are still talking about the need to test so many people?

But I am going to take the good news at face value, the daily increase of deaths is down to about 500 on

some days, which is a lot better than the rise we saw a few weeks ago. I would love to be able to see my

little sister for the first time since 1st week of February to celebrate her 12th birthday, that would be the best

birthday together. The past week me and my dad started to make a bench for my grandparents as they

have been getting pretty down and we wanted to cheer them up, we actually finished it and surp rised them

today!

Also finished reading “Is masculinity toxic?” by Andrew Smiler, I enjoyed it, but I have read quite a lot into

toxic masc. so no new concepts or ideas, but nice read though, took up a couple of hours.

May

Monday, May 04th 2020 186,599 cases in the UK 28,446 deaths in the UK

Feeling very tired of being stuck in the house, watching the same shows on TV, looking at the four same

walls. I woke up this morning, my dad told me he forgot to put the food bins out for the bin-men and I

literally just felt so gutted. I just stepped back and had to say to myself, “Natalie it’s really not that deep it’s

just the bin, they can go out next week” – I guess I just feel irritable. This experience through isolation has

just made me have a huge privilege check, I am by no means rich or anything, but I don’t worry where my

next meal comes from, or I don’t have to worry about how much more electric/ gas we use because we are

here all the time. Anyways, I do feel very rich, I am with a loving, supporting dad, next to my lovely, caring

grandparents and with a lovely sister and mum I haven’t been able to see. I am rich because I have family

with me, and I have friends to go and hug when I get out of lockdown. Going to try and post most pictures

of what isolation looks like for me this month, more interesting than hearing me ramble. I have been elected

the co-president of the Sociology society too – how amazing is that? Again, didn’t think the people in my

class noticed me, or if they did, I probably seemed like the kiss ass who turns up to every lecture and

always knows what the readings are that we have to do. Chuffed!

Thursday, May 07th 2020 201,101 cases in the UK 30,076 deaths in the UK

Having a pretty average week, except from the fact that I feel like I have little hope. Every day, it’s like

waking up and having such a change in mindset, with news coming out every day, one day I am hopefully

about normal life, the next day I feel really down are hopeless. The government has said they are lifting

lockdown restrictions in phases, and by the looks of it, I will not be able to go back to uni for my second

year, my 21st birthday will be in lockdown and most importantly I won’t be able to hug my friends for another

good couple of months. Calls and facetime just aren’t cutting it anymore, I want to hug all my friends, mum

and sister and go into a lecture hall to learn, it is horrible. I know I am going to have no not see my sister on

her birthday, I feel awful for her, I am going to try and make it a special birthday regardless, I don’t know

how yet. Just feeling pretty numb and hopeless. Have some cute pics of the sheep at the end of my

garden, they have been keeping us company, and my terrapin looking cute waiting for food. I have been

“vlogging” my day-to-day life, but I don’t think I can put them on a document.

May 15th, 2020 236, 711 cases in the UK 33,998 deaths in the UK

I can believe a week has gone so quickly, it felt like yesterday I wrote the previous entry. I am feeling

relatively positive about the virus, everyday it seems to be less and less new cases, which is obviously so

amazing. But now, an end to all this seems plausible, it has come with its own load of worries; I feel like I

(and others, no doubt) am going to feel extremely anxious trying to go back to normality, even when I watch

TV and see people not social distancing I cringe, it could be a movie from 1987 and I am still like “oh my

god, irresponsible people!”, then I sort of bring myself back down to earth and realise everything will go

back to normal, even if it does take months. There is not going to be a day where they just announce the

virus is gone, so there will always be those worries lingering. A huge worry right now is that people are

slowly not listening to government regulations, people going over to others houses and garden centres

have reopened in England? (emphasis on the question mark, you can’t see you family at 2m but can go

and pick up some begonias).

I have finished all my uni work, so I have just been focusing on working out and eating better, to be honest,

I have nothing better to focus on. I have been doing a few DIY bits e.g., bleaching some of my tops, which

turned out really cool

Also, ground- breaking update on my tadpole situation. I went to feed them today, I generally feed them

cucumber or boiled lettuce, and I have an actual frog. The tiniest frog ever, but he has fully grown into a

frog, it is so weird to see – I don’t know what else I expected.

May 20th, 2020 248,818 cases in the UK 35,341 deaths in the UK

I feel like life in isolation is becoming so normal, that I don’t know what to write in this diary, waking up

aimlessly at whatever o’clock, I have been trying to do things I wouldn’t normally do to e.g., working out,

reading quite a bit and practically doing laundry for fun. I can’t decide whether to be hopeful or hopeless, the

news articles have gone from being dramatic to meaning nothing. Today I will see ‘Pubs open by July!’,

tomorrow I will see “No face-to-face lectures to go ahead”, I feel like as soon as I feel like we are a step

forward we are going three steps back. I know I shouldn’t take the media’s headlines so literally, but it is hard

not to when you’re dying for a hug from your friend, every piece of hope I can get, I will take.

It was my sister’s 12th birthday yesterday, first birthday that I haven’t woken up with her (for context every

Christmas she sleeps in my bed so we can wake up together and be excited), our little tradition probably

doesn’t mean all that much to her anymore, I mean what 12 year old would want to hang out with her 20 year

old sister, I am just realising, I must seem old to her, when I was 12 I probably thought 20 year olds were

ancient. Anyways, I couldn’t make her birthday very special, but I did make her a cake and I drove there to

give it to her, along with a few gifts. The cake turned out to be a shamble, wanted to try and make a rainbow

sprinkle type of cake, turned out more like the leaning tower of bad butter icing and oddly thrown on sprinkles,

but she loved it I am sure. (Actually, adding onto this point, I do realise she probably thinks I am old, I came

to realise this the other day as I was making tiktoks, being the comedic genius, I am I was sending them to

her thinking they were the best material the internet has seen, and she sort of awkwardly replied, the same

awkwardness you’d feel if your mum came clubbing with you, so I left it at that).

Only really when writing this have, I realised that the number of cases in the UK are not increasing like they

were, and I did just have a glimmer of hope. I know it is going to come to an end, we all know that it’s just

waiting for it. Oh, and obviously I had to dye my hair, because what type of 20-year-old girl would I be having

gone through lockdown and not dyed their hair a funky colour. I didn’t have the guts to do my whole head yet

though, just my fringe – although I think it looks pretty funky. A middle-aged woman came up to me at the

co-op (at 2m of course) and complimented my hair, said she had just put red dye in her basket, and she was

going to dye her hair a funky colour, which was lovely, other than that, some toddlers have just given me

weird looks, which I also take as a compliment.

Just going to jot down some significant things that’s happened

- Cambridge university are first to say only online lectures for academic year 2020/2021

- The track and trace system are going to be in place by June

- Death toll for the last 24 hours is down to 235 (obviously awful, those numbers are peoples loved

ones, family members, but such an improvement from around 900)

-

I want to note, that obviously this (isolation) has been for most, a negative experience, it has had its silver

linings for me, I am usually so socially awkward and find it hard to make real friends, but since lockdown I

have been making the active effort to talk to some girls on the sociology course and now, we talk every day,

about absolutely anything. To them, it might not be much, but I feel so much happier going back 2nd year

knowing I can sit with friends.

May 26th, 2020 261, 184 cases in the UK 36,914 deaths in the UK

The past week has gone so quickly, how can the days go so quickly yet so slow? I haven’t written anything

this week because nothing remarkable has happened, haven’t had any overwhelming feelings that I felt were

worth noting. I have just completely taken to reading, it makes the days go a little faster, plus I usually get

lost in any book that I read – which is always nice.

I have made the active decision to make more of an effort with my friends this week, I have facetimed a few

of them, played Minecraft with a few of them, and tonight I have a pub quiz with the sociology girls. I cannot

play Minecraft, a game, I thought was designed for 8-year-olds, I stood there like a lemon whilst talking to my

friends, but I didn’t care, I paid £17.95 for the game, but just wanted to talk to them really. It is weird how you

adapt and find different ways to communicate.

One thing that I have noticed that I want to note about being in isolation, it amplifies whatever you are already

feeling. Lonely? I am feeling lonely times a million. Sad? I am sad about anything that has happened in the

past two years. Happy? I feel like nothing can bring me down ever and I am owning life. It is strange really,

whatever I am feeling is totally amplified by the fact I can’t leave the house and am alone. I assume it is

because I have so much time to think. Another reason why it has probably been a rubbish time to go through

a breakup, every high and every low has been totally amplified.

This whole uproar about Dominic Cummings breaking social distancing rules is getting on my nerves. I totally

understand being a politician, he is in the limelight and is going to be subject to so much more scrutiny (and

rightfully so), but I can’t help feeling like we have bigger fish to fry? What he has done has created a bad

image, but can we really say we wouldn’t do the same? I feel like we should be more concerned with the

hundreds of everyday people that are breaking social distancing rules. Have these people been shopping in

a supermarket? (actually, they probably haven’t) whenever I go shopping my dad insists on masks and

gloves, but nobody stays two metres away from you, not even the people working there. I don’t know,

sometimes I think we pretend to care about things, instead of actually caring about the issue in hand, we care

more about the image it creates. In a time like this, I don’t think image is our main concern, let’s look at that

when people stop dying.

31st May 2020 274, 762 cases in the UK 38,489 deaths in the UK

This is my last entry for May – the end of May, I can’t tell if it feels like forever since I left uni, or if it feels

like 6 days. I miss uni so much, the lovely weather has made me think how much I could be doing with the

new friends I have made, could have gone to Varsity, done volunteering. I will have next year.

On a good note, the first lockdown restrictions are being lifted tomorrow – we are allowed to meet up with

one person from a different household (staying at 2m apart) so it feels like the light at the end of the tunnel

– this is going to sound crazy, but I can tell it is going to be so anti climatic, I won’t be going out and

meeting anyone tomorrow, I am still too worried. I will wait two weeks and see if the case numbers rise

again, if not, then I will start to see my friends. I suppose in everyone’s minds, to keep them going, we

expected this euphoric moment where we could all drink and have a laugh and sit in a takeaway at 5am

eating a disgusting kebab, but it just won’t be like that. Nevertheless, it is a light at the end of the tunnel,

whatever shape or form, I will take it.

The cases seem to be increasing slowly now, which is, again a huge positive. My friend has started a

nursing job a few weeks ago, she doesn’t even have to say it but working on the covid-19 ward (or the ‘red’

ward) has been some of the hardest weeks of her life, she hasn’t been able to shake of the pain and

numbness of not being able to help people sand watching them die, with no loved ones around them. She

takes that home every day, thinking about them. I take my hat off to NHS workers, honestly, the struggle

they have to go through is surreal and we are so far from what they face every day, it is easy to forget. I’ve

sat in the garden, moaning about being too warm, they are up to their nose in PPE saving lives. Different

worlds.

For once in, what feels like a long time, other stories are starting to flood into the 10-o clock news, the

protests in America for the BLACKLIVESMATTER campaign. These protests and the message they stand

behind hurt my heart, every video I have watched and every picture, story or message I have heard has

been shocking. I watched a video earlier, only about 30 seconds long, I couldn’t finish it, I wanted to cry.

Feeling a part of a culture and country that is still inherently racist makes a huge fire start inside of me.

Does something every bother you so much you wish you could single-handedly rip the problem out of

planet earth. That’s how I feel about many things, then I remember I am no one, no platform, no voice

being heard. Anyways, this is about covid19, I could talk all day about social problems that light a flame in

me.

In the past few days:

• Bought more plants

• Tried to come to terms with the fact my tadpoles are now tiny frogs and I need to set them back to

their home (if it was up to me, they would live in my bedroom and I would tuck them into bed every

night)

• My friend sent me a gift, which was so sweet and cheered me up: So, in return, my project for the

past couple of days has been to return the gift – decided to paint them as an album cover. Not a

masterpiece, but happy with it. I am happy I Have had the time to do something I would have never

done before!

Tomorrow is a new month, restrictions being lifted, and This month starts on a Monday, am I the only one

that loves that? Feels like a fresh start. So here is to new months, new freedoms, all starting on Monday.

June

June 5th, 2020 281,661 cases in the UK 39, 904 deaths in the UK

It is the end of the first week of lockdown restrictions, and I have to say I think the government has made a

bit of a mistake. I can only speak for what I have seen, but it seems that my sort of age group has taken

this as Coronavirus is done and we are totally safe, large groups of friends are going out into fields, the

beach getting drunk. I get it is hard, we all miss our friends and want to enjoy with them, but it makes me

angry how selfish people are.

This week, I hosted a pub quiz with a group of friends, it was lovely. I had friends from Yorkshire,

Manchester, Norwich and all over the place, was lovely to come together and have a laugh.

I am feeling sort of panicked that we are forgetting how real covid19 is, I feel like we are going to take a few

steps back, we have come so far, why can’t people just stick it out until it is safe. But there we are, who am

I to judge people’s situations?

The BLM movement is still completely inspiring yet so painful that in this day and age, it is shocking, but it

is, so necessary. I wish I could go out and do more, I have been signing every petition, donating when I

can. People are so damn inspiring, so strong and I hope this will, even to some extent change the world.

Change how people can live in their communities. I posted some things on Instagram regarding BLM and it

was my least liked post on Instagram, probably means nothing, but I couldn’t help but be like ??? hmm,

makes you think who you surround yourself with.

I have realised that these diaries entries stand as a sense of stability for me, a chance more me to process

my feelings and my experiences. I struggle to process and understand my feelings sometimes, often just

getting overwhelmed, and whilst coronavirus is around, it has been worse. So, I think I am going to commit

to my own diary, so I can keep this more Covid19 related and less Natalie’s daily breakdowns.

This coming week I am going to take on a project of sending all my friends a little gift to know I am thinking

of them, everyone seems down in the dumps. If I can even give them one smile, I will be happy.

June 7th, 2020 284, 868 cases in the UK 40,465 deaths in the UK

2020 just seems like a year that was set to be awful from the get-go. If you think about all the bad things

that have happened in this year, can’t catch a break. Honestly it is hard to believe that we are halfway

through 2020. This year has gone so quickly and been filled with so much negativity, I’m trying to be

hopeful that 2021 will be a better year, I mean, surely can’t be worse than this?

I have almost had all my results back for first year, I had a proposal back about young girls in politics and

had 72. Obviously happy with that, but I hate getting low 70s, I feel like I’m just scraping my way to a first,

only considering I work hard and my uni work is priority in my life.

Actually, really nervous for lockdown to end, I see more and more of my friends seeing each other and I am

still way too nervous too. My best friend of like 14 years has asked me to go for a walk tomorrow, I am

thinking about it, I am still so nervous though. When I get nervous, like if I have plans coming up, I will get

so nervous for like two weeks in advance and just think about it non-stop, so obviously I am 10x more

nervous now. But I can’t never see my friends again, and never have a life again. I am not being careless,

and I do think I am responsible.

I was thinking about how I will feel going to a pub again, how everyone will feel. It is going to seem so weird

to be around people and drinking, laughing, hugging (whenever this does happen). Surely people are going

to feel so strange and weary?

Been keeping myself busy with different forms of arts and crafts again, I bought a shed load of bracelet

making kits and made my friends bracelets. I didn’t want to leave anyone out, so I ended up making like 15

bracelets yesterday, I never had so many friends I swear! But I just got so into making them, I was looking

for people to make them for.

It is crazy how Black Lives Matter, a few days ago was some big movement in America that I was watching

from a distance. Now, towns and cities near me are protesting and it honestly fills my heart with love and

joy.

08th June 2020 286, 194 cases in the UK 40, 542 deaths in the UK

Start of a new week, I thrive off having things to do, so in this boredom I feel very aimless. I wake up and

feel like I could happily stay in bed all day, I mean, I have nothing to do, except exercise – which I am

beginning to hate.

I have tried doing art, but I get bored so easily, that’s why I love uni, I have always got something to dig my

teeth into. But this week I really want to be productive (I mean, as productive as a person who doesn’t have

anything to do can be?). I started my diary last night, I doubt it will last mind, but I gave myself a chance to

write down how I feel. But I am trying to do it, not to wallow in how I feel but in hopes that once it is on

paper, it can leave my mind a little.

Some very good news, and a very bright light at the end of the tunnel, there were only 77 deaths on 7 th

June, in Scotland and Ireland, they had reported no new coronavirus deaths. So much lower than it has

been since like the start of March? It shows that one way or another, there is an end on its way – which I

am dead excited for, I want to go to Yorkshire and visit my friends from there, go to a festival, I know these

plans are optimistic – but surely it is good to be aiming for something when this is over?

However, when this is settled, it does mean having to face back to my old everyday life, that I have been

cooped away from for weeks now. Having to see people that I don’t really get along with, having pressure

to see my friends all the time – but I can’t bring myself to actually complain about that, I have wanted a hug

from my friends in so long, maybe soon I will actually get one.

A genuine worry I have, is how the country will be affected by this. Not the deaths, or cases within the

people, but the economy, our politics, healthcare and education. Surely this has taught us that things need

to change. But how will they change? Will the government fail us? We are going to be in monumental debt

as a country, this will affect jobs, lives, welfare, I am concerned that I am studying in uni, to possibly come

out the other end and not find a job? I suppose that is always a worry.

I can’t wait to be able to escape daytime TV and the news, when this is over, for my brain to be more

occupied with friends, or fun, or work. The media has given me this hyper realisation that so much in the

world is bad, there is literally an endless list of horrible things in the world; racism, sexism, poverty, animal

abuse, fast fashion, war, sex trafficking, school shooting, corrupt bodies of authority, just to name like

0.00101% of them. Just seems that life is going to be an ongoing battle with these awful problems. They

have really been getting to me though, I watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory last night, and I was

sat there with tears in my eyes as how poor his family is, and that was a film. The thing with people who

don’t have much, they always end up being the nicest people ever, I have a friend, who doesn’t have much

at all, never has new clothes, brings change to the pub when we go out for a drink, hasn’t had a phone or

way to contact us for weeks, I mean, any 20 year old would be like having a meltdown (I hate to admit, if I

didn’t have my phone through this, I would have gone crazy) but she is the nicest, kindest person you’d

ever meet, she would do anything for you, in a heartbeat. Why do bad things happen to good and

vulnerable people?

June 10th, 2020 289, 140 cases in the UK 40, 883 deaths in the UK

Yesterday was the first time I have seen one of my friends. We social distanced in her back garden, had a

glass of wine and chatted for a few hours. But it was really nice to see Grace, I don’t know what I was

expecting, it was just like normal, it’s like I was nervous for things to be so different, but they were exactly

the same, we had a laugh, had a joke, had a gossip. Brilliant. This week I am going to try and make a plan

with another friend, if I see one person or so a week, that will be a nice middle ground between seeing

people and not being overwhelmed, I am not much of a social butterfly at any time really, but it will be nice

to see my friends again.

I have another bloody quiz again tonight, I totally forgot until someone put into the group chat “everyone still

on for tonight??”, I don’t mind all that much, can just be a bit draining to be honest, oh well, I could have no

friends who want to bother, that would be worse. I was the quiz host last week, luckily, I am not this week,

so I can put in minimal effort and it will be fab.

Also, feel like I have a million things to do, but at the same time don’t know what I am doing at all, feeling

no motivation to get up and do any exercise or anything, I have been going so well and I don’t want to let

myself down, I weighed the other day and worked out, since February, I have lost 19 kg. So, don’t want to

give up now, ideally, I want to lose another 8 kg, so I want to be able to do that and be happy with myself

by the time lockdown is over, I need motivation!

June 14th, 2020 294, 375 cases in the UK 41, 662 deaths in the UK

Not much has happened in the past few days, I received all of my first-year grades, which I was very happy

with. That made me see lockdown in a bit more of a positive way, maybe if I hadn’t had this time, I wouldn’t

have received the grades I did, some silver linings? So, we had a celebratory Indian takeaway, first one in

forever. My family is very proud of me, so I am happy.

My dad is still pretty worried about covid19, so even though lockdown restrictions are happening, I am not

going out much, which is probably still the best thing to do, he is trying to make compromises though as he

can probably tell I am going crazy in the house, he drove me to our local beach, and I brought some

pebbles home and painted them.

One thing I am planning to do, is the best thing I have done in about 10 months, is book a gig. My friend

and I have seen a gig for next May, and we are thinking of booking it. More than anything, it will be

something to look forward too, having nothing to look forward to is awful, I hate it, last year I went to a gig a

month, and doing nothing this year kills me.

Wish I could say I feel very excited or very anxious about coronavirus, for the sake of making this

interesting to read. But to be honest I just feel pretty fed up and bored. This feels like normal life now, and I

am just sick to death of it.

21st June 2020 303,110 cases in the UK 42, 589 deaths in the UK

This week has been fairly busy, and I feel like it has flown, lockdown restrictions in Wales are really lifting

now, the non-essential shops are back open tomorrow. Maybe I am not keeping up to date with the

lockdown lifts or the news, but I feel like everything is all over the place, you can’t really see your family?

But you can rummage around Primark, just seems weird to me.

It’s Father’s Day today, so I am very happy to spend the day with my dad, it’s crap that we can’t really do

much, but I am trying to make effort to do things, I got up earlier today, 8:00am instead of like 10:30, made

my dad breakfast and gave him his gifts. I bought him a new t shirt, a pair of shorts, a Motorhead jigsaw

and I painted a Motorhead album cover. I did order him a mug too, but it didn’t come in time. Having a mug

for every occasion is a tradition my dad and I have, any holiday I buy him a personalised mug with our

faces on.

We had one day of nice weather and I had to get out of the house, my friends are so reluctant to come out

of the house, I asked a few of them to go to the beach, but they declined. But me and my dad went instead,

it was so nice to just be out and about for an hour or so, we didn’t go very far but it was quiet and nice.

My friends have started an earring business, they bought resin and started making album cover earrings.

They are so lovely, I bought a couple of pairs and we social distanced met up for an hour or two so I could

have them, I love seeing how other people are spending their time.

I started work this week too, been really nice to have something to finally do, been so bored trying new arts

and crafts ventures it was nice to be able to feel like I was doing something productive

26th June 307,980 cases in the UK 43, 230 deaths in the UK

Been surprisingly busy this week, I have been sending emails for the coronadiaries project, that hasn’t

taken up a load of my time though, and I have been really happy to do something.

I have met up with friends this week. Firstly, on Wednesday I met up with Kimberley and Fiona for a picnic,

it was so nice, the parc we went to had circles drawn around the benches, of a 2-metre radius so you had

to social distance. It was lovely, I made chicken and sweetcorn pitas and cucumber. Then the next day I

met up with Grace and Charlotte, we went to the beach and had a couple of drinks, which was really nice, I

feel like I am easing into socialising again. I was really nervous and just really aware of people around me.