Corona Diaries

Edited for clarity by the researcher

Olivia

“…I don’t necessarily want to listen to stuff about coronavirus ALL THE TIME, I like escapism as much as

the next person!”

Background information

Female, aged 35-44, Operations Co-ordinator and PhD student, Kent, White, Married, Heterosexual.

February, March and April 2020

Wednesday 25th March

Things just seem to get weirder and more surreal by the day. To try and slow the spread of the virus,

[COVID 19] the government have closed schools, and told pubs, restuarants, cafes and bars to close.

Everyone is being told to employ social distancing measures [staying at least 6 feet apart] and certain

groups [over 70’s and those eligible for the flu vaccine] are being told to self-isolate for 12 weeks!

None of this feels real. I went to Asda yesterday morning at 6am when it opened and the queue to get in

was half way across the car park. People are panic buying and leaving the shelves bare with no thought for

others it’s awful. We are not too far away from lockdown.

People just don’t seem to be taking this seriously or that is because it is likely mild for most people, the only

people dying from it so far are the elederly and people with underlying health conditions. Which might make

it difficult for most people to grasp the seriousness of the situtation and take action. The thing is we need to

self-isolate and social distance ourselves from eachother for the sake of people in the at risk groups, not

ourselves.

I’ve basically gone through my diary and crossed out all ot my plans for the next 3 months. I’ve moved my

hair appointment forward to today, as I am not convinved that they’ll still be open next week!

At the moment I am managing to remain calm, focusing on controlling the things that I can and trying to let

go of the things I can’t and for now, it seems to be working. There have been a lot of useful podcats that

I’ve found helpful, so that’s taking the edge off. At the moment, I just remind myself that we’re ok we have

what we need and there no point in worrying about tomorrow or next week. For to be honest, I’m less

concerned about me and more about my mum and dad. But they seem to be ok for now, so I just focus on

that. Mel is in the at risk group, so she’s doing what she can, Rhys is still working, but his hours have been

reduced, so I think they are going to struggle.

It feels to weird, I’m struggling to get my head around it to be honest. At the moment it feels like things are

going to get worse, before they get better.

Saturday 4th April

Edited for clarity by the researcher

Chill out weekend begins, Mel’s upstairs working, so I figured I’d stick on some old episodes of Friends and

write a mini history of how things have changed over the last month. I was reading an article on the BBC

the other day about how much has changed in the last month because of Coronavirus and I started making

notes on personal bits, so here we go:

Fri 28th Feb – We went out for our dept social, there’d been talk of Coronavirus on the news, and we were

talking about it and I remember that we made jokes about how we’d be OK because of the alcohol we were

drinking, what with alcohol being a disinfectant. It was such a great night, we laughed, we drank, we

danced and looking back now, it’s so weird to think that we won’t be able to do that again for a REALLY

long time.

Sat 29th Feb – I woke up SO hungover but got over it enough to enjoy afternoon tea with Lynda and Be. I

still felt a bit worse for wear at the beginning, but by the end of it I felt absolutely fine, we had a lovely time

and they stopped in at ours afterwards and it was a lovely afternoon. We didn’t even talk about the virus,

my main concern was my hangover. That’s the last time I saw them and will be the last time for a good few

months.

Wed 5th March – Dad and I went to the cinema at the shopping centre, and it was a bit quiet, the guy in

the Apple store had gloves on, so it started to feel a little bit scary, but mostly everyone was carrying on as

normal, so although it felt a little scary, mostly it felt fine.

Fri 13th March – I received an email from uni to say that they might have to conduct my Viva online, I

agreed, but to be honest, I didn’t really think it would actually come to that and it was only much more

recently, when I started seeing other people had done their Vivas online that I realised, ‘shit, I’m going to

have to do my Viva online’, and started to take it seriously.

Sun 15th March – We went out for bday lunch for Dad, it was lovely, the food was good. Before we went, I

had my doubts about whether to go or not but it was pretty quiet and we had a good time, but before we

went, I thought to myself that it might be the last time we’d go out for a meal for a while, but it hadn’t

occurred to me that it might be the last time that we’d all be together full-stop.

Mon 16th March – We were short-staffed at work as people started to self-isolate, it made me feel anxious,

but I decided to try not to worry about stuff I can’t control.

Tues 17th March – More stuff was cancelled; the college restaurant is now closed indefinitely and my trip

to Manchester with Owen next week has been cancelled. Everything was feeling very up in the air.

Wed 18th March – The government announced that it would be closing all schools on Friday for the

foreseeable future and cancelling ALL exams! It was starting to get serious, but I still couldn’t seem to

believe it.

Thurs 19th March – Charlie called in sick to work, with possible Covid-19 symptoms, it suddenly felt scary

and real, I called Mum and asked if she wanted to cancel doing something for Mother’s Day and she said

Edited for clarity by the researcher

she thought it would be for the best. I felt quite calm about it, and I agreed that it was for the best. After

work Mel and I went to the Harvester for dinner, it was nice. I wasn’t sure about going because of gov.

guidelines about social distancing but to be fair, it was SO quiet that social distancing wasn’t an issue, it felt

weird though.

Fri 20th March – I went to Asda first thing (6am) and it was bonkers! The queue was half-way down the

carpark, just to get in! I manged to get everything I needed and there was still plenty left of each item I

bought, so I wasn’t clearing the shelves! I started to get concerned that the hairdressers might be closed

soon, so I messaged them and moved my appointment forward – I was due to have the colour done and

everything, so I figured that if I moved it forward, it would last in case we ended up on lockdown, as they

were in other European countries.

That evening the Prime Minister ordered the closure of pubs, clubs and restaurants, but not until like 6pm,

so we weren’t sure whether our local would be still be open on Saturday.

Sat 21st March – We went into town, like normal and the local was still open but only for takeaway, Jessie

said that we could sit and eat if we wanted to as friends, it was nice, and meant we got to have a nice chat

with her, she’s going to stay with her partner, so said she’ll be gone for a while. None of us were sure how

long Pepper would be able to keep the shop going as she was planning on running it by herself while it was

a takeaway.

I had my hair done, it was lovely to see everyone and chat, I think we spent the whole appt. talking about

Coronavirus, it was good to chat about it. After my appt, I popped into a few shops in town and picked up

toiletries and cards to last for the next 3 months, as if felt like things were becoming more serious.

Sun 22nd March – I called Mum & Dad, they didn’t seem especially worried, so I felt relieved, although it

did feel weird to know that I wouldn’t be seeing them for a while!

Mon 23rd March – During the evening I heard that the Prime Minister was making a special announcement

at 8:30pm and I figured he would be announcing that the country would be going into lockdown, especially

as they’d already advised those who were especially vulnerable to shield themselves and self-isolate for 12

weeks. For the first time since this all began, I watched the announcement, and it was exactly as I

expected. People are allowed to go out for specific reasons – for daily exercise, medical appts, shopping

and if they are a key worker. I felt glad that we could still go out for daily exercise.

Tues 24th March – I stopped going to work, and when Charlie came home, he said he wasn’t going back

in, I felt really relieved about that, especially as Pete had gone home the day before with symptoms.

Thurs 26th March – I had an online chat with Meg, it was lovely, I thought it would be weird but it was

good and I think we’re going to make it a regular thing.

Fri 27th March – I went into town to do a few bits and it was PAINFUL, everything took twice as long as I

expected. It was SO frustrating but I knew it was for the best, so I just complained about it once I got

Edited for clarity by the researcher

home. In the evening I had an online chat with Bethan and Molly which was SO much fun, I laughed SO

much and realised how much we take for granted in terms of when we cancel stuff, we always assume that

we’ll rearrange but at the moment that’s not possible. I felt bad for when I’d cancelled on them back in Feb,

fully expecting that we’d rearrange before too long, but who knows when we’ll be able to do that?

Sat 28th March – It felt like a Sunday, we didn’t go into town and just stayed at home, I worked on my Viva

prep. Lynda messaged to say that her and Be have been identified as being especially vulnerable and so

have to self-isolate for 12 weeks, which means they can’t go out at all – no exercise or anything!

Mon 30th March – We did a virtual quiz with work peeps today, via Teams, it was SO much fun, and made

me realised how much I’ve missed seeing/chatting to them.

Sunday 5th April

At least the weather’s nice, so we’re having an ‘indoor BBQ’ later on – we don’t have any charcoal for the

BBQ, so we’re going to cook the food on the grill indoors and then sit and eat outside, it’ll be lovely, the

weather has really turned, and it feels like Spring is on the way, which is both nice and not so nice. It’s nice

because it makes me feel happy to see the sun and hear the birds singing etc., but at the same time I want

to go for a walk but I feel like loads of other people will also be out for a walk and it’ll just make it difficult to

keep a good distance between me and other people. It gives going out for a walk an added layer of stress

– I can’t just go out for a nice walk, I have to think about if there are going to be a lot of people around and

try to work out when the best time to go is. It’s a little annoying but people have (more recently) been pretty

good about moving out of my way. To begin with, I felt like I was constantly moving out of the way, but in

the last week or so, I’ve noticed people moving out of the way too, so that’s something.

Tuesday 7th April

I planned to get up and go running today, but I woke up feeling defeated, so I had an extra hour in bed, I

need to break that habit or else I’ll never get back into running and I already feel like I’m the size of a

house, so I definitely need to get more active.

I’ve now figured out a working from home schedule, which gives me some sort of structure, and I feel better

for having done it. I went out for a walk first thing, I figured it was better than nothing and it is lovely and

sunny, so it was nice to get some fresh air, plus there tend to be fewer people around, so I didn’t have to

dodge them so much. It makes going out for a walk a bit more stressful than before, I feel like I’m always

looking ahead and if I see someone coming towards me, wondering whether they’ll move or if I’ll have to,

and it just gives my walk an edge of anxiety.

Thursday 9th April

Feeling good again today, maybe it’s the running, maybe it’s just the nicer weather, I don’t know, but I feel

much more energised. I’ve been struggling with food, especially cos I’m bored a lot of the time, I’m at

Edited for clarity by the researcher

home all day, every day and I’m now starting to run out of work to do which is not ideal, but I just need to try

and stop grabbing a snack every time I go to the kitchen to make a cup of tea.

Sunday 12th April

I’ve had a pretty chilled weekend, the weather has been gorgeous, so we’ve spent time in the garden and

it’s been so lovely.

Wednesday 15th April

We’ve had a bit of a move around with furniture - Charlie finally got his sit/stand desk, so we’ve moved the

old desk into the back bedroom and now I’ve got a proper space to work at (rather than the dining room

table). The only problem was that I didn’t have an office chair (and Ikea were sold out), so we ended up

driving down to work today and collecting my chair. I must admit, I did feel a bit nervous going down to

work, but I printed out the ‘key worker’ letter and had my work pass with me, plus we went at 6am, so we

knew we wouldn’t bump into anyone. I did feel sad standing in our office, wondering when we would all be

back at work together again.

Monday 20th April

I am SO lacking in motivation at the moment, all I want to do is sit and watch a film, or potter around,

listening to podcasts. The thought of sitting at my desk today just makes me feel SO bored. I don’t think it

helps that I’m running out of stuff to do and I really miss everyone from work, but my overwhelming feeling

is boredom and not wanting to do whatever I’m actually meant to be doing. I was the same at the

weekend, didn’t want to do any of the survey work or my PhD reading, it’s like I sit at my desk and don’t

want to do anything that I’m actually meant to be doing. I just feel like I’m drifting out to sea at the moment

and I need to try to tether myself to the shore before it’s too late. I’m trying to do that with routine and I’ve

now started to get ‘properly’ dressed, (rather than wearing my PJ bottoms and a t-shirt) during the day to

demarcate day and work time from evening and chill time. It is also helpful that my clothes feel a little tight

which is helpful motivation to not snack on crap. I’m doing better with exercise and eating so that’s good,

for the past few days we’ve had a big lunch so I’ve eaten little or nothing in the evening. And so far, I’m

losing weight or maintaining, not gaining which is the main thing. I’ve got back into fun-reading, so I’m

doing 30 mins each day and really enjoying it.

I’m also speaking to Lynda and Meg each week on the phone – this week, Meg and I spoke for 3 hours and

Lynda and I for 2 hours, it’s amazing to me that we still have stuff to talk about after a few weeks of these

conversations, especially as none of us are going out and doing anything. I like our conversations and I

hope we’ll continue to do them after lockdown ends.

Tuesday 28th April

I’m starting to feel like I’m coming down with something, got the scratchy feeling in the back of my throat

and my eyes feel a little watery, I’m trying not to panic, it’s probably nothing. I just need to stay calm and

Edited for clarity by the researcher

see how I go. I gave blood yesterday, so I’ll need to let them know if anything develops. The biggest thing

will be that if symptoms develop and it seems like it might be coronavirus, then we’ll have to self-isolate for

14 days i.e. no going shopping, no daily exercise, nothing.

I guess we’ll just cross that bridge if/when we come to it (hoping that it doesn’t come to it).

Wednesday 29th April

SO did not feel like getting up and going running this morning, but I made myself and I feel better for it,

although my hip is sore like it was last year when I was marathon-training.

It felt OK this morning, energy wise, I was a little lacking, but I’ve felt like that for the last couple of days,

possibly just the after-effects of donating blood. Like I said, I had been feeling like I was coming down with

something, but I feel a bit better today and I googled ‘coronavirus symptoms’ yesterday, so I feel like I have

more of a handle of what the symptoms are and what we need to do if we have symptoms etc. I

mentioned it to Charlie last night too, so I feel much better for having spoken to him, which is good.

Lockdown continues, the other week they extended it by an additional 3 weeks, which I expected, they’re

reviewing it again next week, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they extend it for another 3 weeks (which would

be the end of May). I’m kind of used to it now, the weather’s been mostly good, so we’ve been able to sit in

the garden and get some fresh air.

It is weird not to have seen everyone from work for so long. I also miss seeing Mum & Dad – Dad popped

up with Charlie’s bday card last week and we had a chat (he put the card through the letterbox, and then

stood at the front gate and I stood at the front door), and that was nice, he commented that I look well,

which struck me as an odd thing to say, as we’ve still been talking on the phone, but we do usually see

each other at least once a month, and it’s been a month and a half since I last saw them. I do miss them.

There are a couple of things that are starting to grate though, I seem to keep seeing blogs/headlines about

how we’re all supposed to embark on these journeys of self-discovery/improvement during lockdown and it

just feels like we’re supposed to have all of this ‘extra’ time to learn to knit or write a novel etc. and I’m sure

that’s useful for some people, but it feels like a lot of pressure and I’m still working full-time (plus the

additional survey work and my PhD corrections) so I’ve not got a huge amount of additional time and most

of the time, I’m happy to be reading, journaling or watching TV and that should be OK, I shouldn’t feel like

I’m doing lockdown ‘wrong’ (which, by the way, I don’t feel, but the inference is there). To be honest, I’d

like nothing more than to just sit, vegging in front of the TV for a day or two!

The other thing that is both positive and negative, is that there have been quite a lot of podcasts made that

are specifically themed around coronavirus and while they’ve generally been interesting, I feel like I have to

listen to those ones now as they won’t be as relevant in a few weeks, and it just feels never-ending, as

soon as I’ve listened to one, there are two more waiting. I feel like I’m starting to get on top of it now, but

for a while it was a constant battle. Plus, I don’t necessarily want to listen to stuff about coronavirus ALL

THE TIME, I like escapism as much as the next person!