Corona Diaries

Rachel

“Scared at the same time that my OCD is taking over my life (again)”

Background information

Female, Aged 25-34, Furloughed, Teaching Assistant, Living in South Wales, White, LGBT, Single,

Living with Mum and Stepfather

30th April 20201

I was living in Brighton for a year until the 26th February 2020 and moved back to my family home in Cardiff

to start afresh. Before Brighton I was living in Amsterdam for three and a half years. I felt it was time to get

back to my roots and think about the future, what kind of job shall I get? Do I want to buy a house? That

kind of thing.

I was not happy in Brighton and I narrowly missed the pandemic by a week or two. But I am so much more

happier being home. I have all my things, and my mum and stepdad live with me.

To be honest, I am doing really well. I’m not bored as I am re reading all the Harry Potter books, watching

all my old films, playing on my Xbox. Catching up on shows on Netflix and Amazon Prime that I have half

started, sorting out my room and organising a lot.

I started a sort of art project a couple weeks ago. My mum has been asking me for years to throw out my

old VHS videos. So I decided to remove the covers from each one and frame them, I am re using the old

cases to store old pictures and random bits and bobs, and for the old videos themselves I am planning on

re using them to make a coffee table - by sticking them all together and painting them - that is another

project for when I have completely exhausted all other avenues.

1 This was Rachel’s only submission to the CoronaDiaries project.

I did have a job as a teaching assistant in schools across South Wales when I first moved back. I worked

for a week and a half before the schools closed. And now thankfully on furlough. But not working isn’t really

bothering me. Not going out to see my friends is not really bothering me. I do speak to them every day on

WhatsApp and Facebook and FaceTime. However, I am a bit of an introvert anyways, and although I had

all these plans when I moved back, to join a screenwriting class, spend my free time volunteering, and

building up my CV by working in schools, I am currently filling my days.

I have a routine that I follow most days, I am reading a lot, writing a lot and watching a lot of TV. I hardly

snack anymore. I still smoke cigarettes but have cut back.

The only thing that has affected me most is my OCD. I was diagnosed a few years back, but I have known

about it since I was 9 years old. My main issue is intrusive thoughts and cleanliness. I’m constantly worried

about my mum becoming ill with Covid-19, or suddenly dying without any prior warning. I am worried about

my stepdad or myself going to the shops and coming back and passing on the virus to my mum.

Last year, from August to October, I completed a group therapy session for OCD, it was CBT and exposure

therapy. Once completed I suddenly felt relieved, like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders and

I was finally able to breathe again, and I felt the course, run by the NHS, helped me tremendously. It was

exactly what I needed all these years.

However, with the current pandemic ongoing some old habits have come back with a new vengeance. My

intrusive thoughts are really bad, and my cleanliness has taken control of day to day life. I have the tools to

combat these urges and intrusions, however a part of me does not want to tackle them - I do know why

though, because this is a stressful and horrible time. But I haven’t found the strength to tackle them. Which

is strange in a way, as I have managed to cut down on cigarettes, I don’t snack as much as I used to, and I

am doing exercises - WHICH I NEVR DID BEFORE. I am feeling proactive, positive, but scared at the

same time that my OCD is taking over my life (again). If people ask me in the future, how did you manage

and did you go stir crazy, I would say no. I was fine, found pleasure in a lot of things. But would definitely

say my OCD took a turn for the worse. However, who knows what will happen in another month. Maybe I

will go stir crazy and end up redecorating the entire neighbourhood.