Corona Diaries

Rose

“My overwhelming feeling at this time is one of gratitude - glad to be still alive and glad to live with my dear

husband in a lovely place”.

Background Information

Female, aged 67, Retired from Higher Educational Institution, Married to Husband Martin, with two

grown up children, Maisy and Jason. Living in South Wales Across a Smallholding – 3 Acres, With a

Small Number of Sheep

April 2020 - 18.4.20 My life in the five years preceding the Corona outbreak was dominated by fighting cancer. In 2015 I was

diagnosed with an aggressive Stage 3 Lymphoma and the future didn’t look very bright. I have had a lot of

treatment including two stem cell transplants. This is relevant because the transplants left me with a weak

immune system which is extremely slow to recover. As a consequence I have been avoiding infection by

self-isolation for over two years. So I came to this ‘lockdown’ in March in probably a different state of mind

than most people - it was more like business as usual, although I had been looking forward to the Spring,

as it is easier to get out more when you can be outdoors in better weather.

My overwhelming feeling at this time is one of gratitude - glad to be still alive and glad to live with my dear

husband in a lovely place. The last three weeks (since the lockdown started) till today has been

sunny weather and we have been able to have lovely walks from outside our door into the beautiful

countryside, and spend happy hours working in the garden (it got somewhat neglected during my illness). I

feel very lucky in comparison to those who don’t have companionship, money or access to the outdoors to

keep body and soul together.

26.4.20 My husband, Martin, is 70, and combined with my ‘vulnerable’ status we have been very keen to stay away

from others. We’ve been lucky that our local chemist will deliver our prescriptions but shopping has been

more challenging. We are Tesco customers but have found it very difficult to get shopping delivered. During

the first weeks of lockdown, however many times we tried, all delivery slots were always full. More recently

we have been able to register as ‘vulnerable’ and so entitled to priority slots. At first they also proved

difficult to get but last week we got one- what an achievement! Martin said it felt like passing the eleven

plus! (this won’t mean anything to people under 65!). So we are now hoping that in future it is going to be

easier (I’ll let you know in future posts).Other than that we haven’t really had any other challenges because

we are retired people, with reasonable pensions and we live in a quiet, rural area.

So how have things changed? In general I think talking to friends has become more valued- either by

phone or e-mail. We check up more on each other- talking and sharing experiences across the UK, or

even further afield as we have friends in the USA, Spain, Ireland – all sharing very similar lives at the

moment. So as well as being in touch with close friends, our circle has widened at the moment to include

people who we usually only talk to once or twice a year. So I think this is one of the benefits to having more

time on our hands. I think another positive consequence of this virus is that there is a lot

more ‘caring’ around. People trying to find ways to help others. For example a number of my friends are

making ‘scrubs’ for the NHS and other care workers, others are volunteering including me. I can’t go out

and meet people, so I am helping to man the phones - putting people who need support in touch with

volunteers who can support them.

How are people keeping themselves occupied? I think people confined to their houses are relying a lot on

TV, radio, social media. We do watch TV, as usual in the evenings but mostly we read, enjoy music and

while the weather has been so good (since the lockdown the weather has been fantastic) we have been

enjoying walks and gardening- weeding, planting, mowing, digging etc.

My biggest worry is my Mum who will be 100 in July. She lives in a care home. She has no major physical

health difficulties apart from bad arthritis and has a pacemaker for her heart. However mentally she has

dementia and this has resulted in a very bad memory and confusion. She finds it hard to understand why

the carers are wearing facemasks and why we can’t visit her. As I have done for many years I ring her

every day, and when I do I try to explain why these things are important, but also try to do so without

alarming her. I think she is very vulnerable and would not last long if the Corona Virus took hold in her care

home.

30/4/20 I feel a growing distrust of the government. I believed very much at first that they were ‘following the

science’ and doing their best to keep us safe. But I have gradually become more cynical of the politicians.

This is especially so since I saw on TV a Panorama programme on Monday, I feel that they did not prepare

early enough or thoroughly enough for the outbreak. They were very complacent in January and February

while they waited to see if we would be affected, or whether the virus would stay in Asia. Historically since

the cutbacks in health service funding in 2009, they have allowed emergency health stocks to

dwindle. They are now covering up their lack of things like PPE by downgrading the classification of the

disease to justify front line staff not requiring as much equipment. I don’t doubt that they care about others’

lives but what they care most about is preserving their reputations and not admitting any blame. I feel

strongly that as they are expecting so much from others (including for some sacrificing one’s life) that the

least they could be honest and admit to shortcoming or blame when it is due.

8.5.20 - 75th Anniversary of V.E. Day. Today I thought of the many that died saving our freedom all those years ago. I asked my mother if she

remembered VE day and she told me she had spent it with a friend whose husband (who had also been

my mother’s friend) had been killed in the war - so they had spent the day feeling full of sadness and regret.

I expect there were many who must have felt like that on that day. Although the death toll from this

virus is awful, the whole experience for most of us pales into insignificance in comparison to the Second

World War - what my parents must have gone through-fear, pain, anxiety for many years. The government

and others often use a comparison with WWII to rally morale about coping with the virus (I rather think that

Boris Johnson would like to cast himself as Churchill who is his hero.) but it is so much smaller in scale and

significance. But it certainly makes me think that if our parents could get through the fear and danger of

war, then we should all be able to cope with a couple of months of relatively minor restrictions. That being

said I think there are some people who are really suffering for example, being confined to the house with

demanding kids and /or an abusive husband, living on the streets, not having enough money to eat and

stay safe, being a sole carer of a partner with dementia, a parent of a child with severe learning difficulties,

having a family member with severe mental or physical illness. Life in isolation for many of these people

must be a torment that you pray will finish soon.

26.5.20 Every day is much like the one before and the day after. Retired people’s days are generally not so varied

but the present situation must be strange to those who were in work one day and then the next on a long

extended holiday confined to their homes. These days you can struggle to remember what day of the week

it is because the days are so similar. Variety comes from socialisation with friends or family via phone or

zoom etc; shopping and other things being delivered; Choir or classes via electronic media etc. Otherwise

our days have fallen into a pleasant routine. Up at 8.30am for breakfast, put out any washing, and then go

for a long, local walk. Back in time for lunch. Then spend the afternoon gardening or doing jobs on the

smallholding and around the house. Find an opportunity during the day to ring my Mum, and some friends.

Dinner in the evening, later a bath, a bit of TV and then bed. Not very exciting but in the present climate it

feels safe and very tolerable. It would be lovely to go further afield to walk (like they now can in England)

and I especially yearn to see the sea. Although I envy their greater freedom in England, I think they are

moving too fast in England and it may lead to a resurgence of the virus. I can see that they are trying to

rescue the economy but I think Wales is right to be more cautious.

Covid is now present in my mother’s care home, and it makes me very worried for her. I speak to her every

day, and although she knows about the virus she does not seem worried about the danger (I am glad to

say she doesn’t realise how serious it could be for her). She just feels very lonely because no visitors are

allowed. She says every day how much she wants to see me, and I feel desperately sorry for her. She said

yesterday she had been thinking about my father, about her mother and how she didn’t have them

anymore. She felt she had no-one but me and she couldn’t see me. I do hope that she doesn’t get ill

because it is heart breaking thinking about her coping all alone.

27.5.20 Volunteering today - manning the local community help line. While waiting for calls I have been looking

through the list of requests for support that have come from users. In the two months that the support line

has been operating there has been 104 requests for support, the two biggest areas of need are

overwhelmingly for prescriptions to be collected and for shopping. Other requests include dog walking,

posting mail, requests for food parcels, reporting concern for neighbours and taking a specimen to the

doctor’s surgery. Interestingly the volume of requests has reduced as time has gone on, suggesting maybe

that people are making alternative arrangements with family, friends and neighbours or maybe with the

volunteers themselves.

7.6.20 Pleased to say that my mother is still well. The one resident who had, and died, of Covid 19 had been

discharged from hospital with no test and went on to develop the infection. This seems to have been a

common occurrence at the height of the pandemic and seems to be a frequent explanation for why the

disease took off so widely in care homes in England and Wales. My mother is thankfully unaware of what a

potentially dangerous situation she was in, but continues to be pre-occupied by the staff wearing face

masks (so she finds it hard to recognise them, and to hear them as she cannot see their lips) and her lack

of visitors. I cannot visit her because of the injunction in Wales to ‘stay local’. We speak every day on the

phone but I think she would just like to feel me near and have a kiss and a hug.

12.6.20 I think it is right that the Welsh Government is relaxing restrictions very gradually. I know there is a tension

between keeping the infection at bay, and relaxing things to let the economy restart. But I think England is

moving too quickly and risks a resurgence of the virus, which would also be dire for the economy. Being in

the ‘shielded’ group means that my life is still constrained, although a concession has been made in Wales

that we can meet someone outdoors but keeping a two metre gap between us. Everyone still has to stay

local and not travel further than five miles away. This means we cannot see my mother but also our

daughter who lives on a narrow boat, that is at the moment in England. Before the lockdown was eased in

England it was very quiet on the canals and they only moved the boat to access services like water,

sewage and power. Since restrictions have been eased on people in England and they can travel any

distance, the canals and towpaths have become very busy- not very popular for people like my daughter

and her husband who live on the waterways.

17.6.20 One big change in our lives (and many other people) is the frequency with which we now use social media

like Zoom, Messenger, Skype etc. to talk to family and friends. Martin talks to a group of his old friends, I

talk to a group of my old friends and we talk to a mutual group of friends, all on Zoom. My mother’s home

have installed a portal on Facebook Messenger, where I can talk to her once a week, and our son, Jason,

in Alaska joined us the other day. We speak to Jason regularly on Skype or Messenger (our daughter is old

fashioned and prefers the phone!). Then there are the groups that mainly meet on Zoom- classes, choirs,

societies. Every week I go to my choir- its good fun but a bit bizarre because there is a time delay on Zoom

which doesn’t matter in everyday conversation, but when singing it means we are not in unison- so we have

to mute the sound which means in effect you are singing on your own! Martin and I both belong to societies

and we have been meeting these groups on Zoom. None of this feels the same but it is better than

nothing.

27.6.20 I feel very concerned about people with cancer at the moment. I met a friend yesterday (at a distance) and

she has cancer of the womb. She was meant to have a hysterectomy but this was cancelled because

of Covid, and she had some radiotherapy instead. She is due to have a scan to see if she still needs the

operation but they have lost her paperwork, so there is a delay. She feels upset and very anxious. I was

meant to have a check on my bowel, but that was cancelled as were so many procedures. They keep a

close eye on me because I have had so much chemotherapy that I am susceptible to develop other

cancers. Anyway this week I was sent a procedure to carry out at home to see if I am showing any signs

of abnormality. I don’t feel that I am high priority but I worry a lot about those who are and may

miss their chance of timely treatment in the present situation. I think the death toll due to Covid 19 will be a

lot higher because of these indirect victims.

There are so many people who are in life and death situations with other conditions that are being fucked

up because of the Corona Virus.

27.6.20 My time has been mainly occupied this month in looking after our new puppy. We lost our last lovely dog,

Meg about eighteen months ago with a brain tumour. We didn’t feel we wanted another one till a few

months ago. We have always had rescued dogs – and always border collies. But this time we had two bad

experiences with rescued dogs over last winter and so decided to get a puppy from a recommended

breeder. We had to wait a few months till some puppies were available and for the last month we have had

our Haf (this means summer in Welsh). She is a black and white border collie, she is adorable but she can

also be a terror! Today we took her for her first proper walk, and she is now sleeping it off!

1.7.20 All the last 100 days of lockdown we have exercised by walking around our local lanes and fields.

Yesterday we felt we could have a change – we went about 3 miles up the road to a small local country

park. We had a different walk and it was a thrill! Who could believe that such a small change could be so

much fun. It made my day and for the rest of that day I felt refreshed and thought about other trips that

might be possible. Next Monday (6th July) the five mile ‘stay local’ rule is being dropped and we can go

further afield for a day out. Will we enjoy it or will we feel too anxious about encountering infection? - I’ll let

you know !

5.7.20

A weekend of remembrance, commemoration and celebration. On Saturday we remembered those people

who have died from the Corona Virus. At 5.00pm we put a candle in the window, as I hope many homes

did. Some moments of quiet reflection to think of the loss and pain. On Sunday we were thankful for the

NHS founded 72 years ago on the 5th July 1948. The 5th July was also my mother’s 100th Birthday. Sadly I

couldn’t go to her party, but my daughter was able to be there. My Mum was only allowed four visitors and

they all had to sit outside with my Mum who was rather cold (it was disappointing weather for July, windy

and cold). The Nursing Home planned the party well but my mother was overwhelmed by all that was going

on, so sadly rather confused. But she seemed to enjoy her presents and her card from the Queen. I spoke

to her via Messenger in the morning and then again in evening with my son who is in Alaska.

14.7.20 We would love to go out for the day but we are a bit worried after being so careful for so long. We want the

right conditions. Since the relaxation of the restrictions, the weather was poor all last week- wet, windy

and unseasonably cool. When the weather improved it was the weekend, and we thought that it might be

crowded. Which did prove to be the case, someone told us that the M4 was gridlocked on Saturday

morning as the English headed for their second homes or a break on the Welsh coastline in

Pembrokeshire. Now we are back in the week and the weather is poor again and not due to improve till

the weekend! So I guess we will just have to be patient if we want to go for a day out without it being too

crowded. But I do wonder how long the lessening of lockdown will continue when there is so much talk

about the Corona Virus returning, particularly with a vengeance, if the weather is colder. The big fear

seems to be that it will combine with winter flu, which will result in a very high death toll- that theory seems

very credible.

21.7.20 We finally made it for a trip to a beach! Not quite what we’d hoped for, but at least it had sand, and in the

far distance was the water of the estuary. We had planned to go to one of our favourite places on the first

nice weekday- to Newport in Pembrokeshire. So today was going to be the day! I know I shouldn’t be going

anywhere being ‘shielded’ till 16 August but I figured that there will only be a couple of months of freedom

till lockdown is re-imposed, and as long as we are outdoors and keeping 2m away from anyone then there

is not likely to be more risk today than there will be on Aug 16. Martin is much more cautious, and having

an anxious nature he suffered a panic attack after he got up this morning thinking about leaving the safe

confines of our home. After a while of calming down, we did go out, but we went somewhere where he felt

most safe. Nevertheless it was surprisingly busy for a week day, but I mustn’t forget, most children are not

in school. But we managed to stay a safe distance from everyone, and after quite a walk, found a place to

sit on the beach with no-one nearby. It was lovely to be somewhere different, feel the sand under our feet

and enjoy a packed lunch! It was Haf’s first trip to the beach. She seemed to enjoy being in a busy place

and playing on the beach- but unfortunately she was sick in the car on the way there!

27.7.20 July has been a bit of a washout weather-wise, which is especially galling after so much hot, sunny weather

during lockdown. Things are very slowly changing in the direction of normal- or ‘new normal’ as it is being

called. We are beginning to get visits from friends where we sit outside and stay socially distant but can at

least talk! I am not sure if we are supposed to but we are starting to share cups of tea- but in scrupulously

washed cups. But when you have weather like today- windy and heavy rain-it doesn’t really suit outdoor

living.

We are anxious to form a ‘social bubble’ with our daughter, Maisy, and her husband. That would mean we

could visit each other indoors and stay overnight. We had hoped to do this in July but her employer, English

Heritage, want her back at work part time. So that has reduced her time, also they have just moved into a

new house, an old cottage, and there is a huge amount of work to do as soon as possible so they can live

in it. They are still keeping their narrowboat (which they lived on before) and so have to move that every

couple of weeks to comply with regulations. So between all of these things it leaves little time for visiting us-

but we hope for August, and that their house will be in a fit state for us to stay with them sometime in

September. And from there hopefully go and see my Mum.

31.7.20 Well it was a lovely sunny day today but we didn’t get a trip out because Martin decided that we should not

break restrictions for the shielded group. I was very frustrated because I think it is probably safer today then

it will be by the time we get to August 16th. Lots of talk in the news of the second wave coming. I think there

will be a second wave but I must admit I was not expecting it till the late autumn when the weather turns

colder. I think Martin also wants to stick rigidly to restrictions because it assuages his anxiety. Any way we

set out early while it was quite cool and had a long walk up to Llangathen which as always was very nice.

Then the rest of the day we have spent doing work around the smallholding- spraying the sheep to prevent

fly strike and cutting the grass etc.

13.8.20 Now that Wales is slackening up, many people feel they have permission to get out more. In the last week ,

perhaps because the weather has been good, we have had lots of visitors- we either sat with them in the

garden or met them somewhere outdoors- like we met a friend who was cycling to where they have the

caravan in a day! We met him in at a Country Park and had a picnic. We met other friends, in their garden-

we took a flask of tea and some cups- they had their drinks and we had ours-it felt very weird. It was very

good to see friends after so long just being on our own-Zoom is good but not as good as seeing someone

in the flesh, even if you can’t hug!

19.8.20

Maisy, our daughter, came to see us on Sunday- it was wonderful to see her after so long. And we could

hug because we have decided we are in a bubble. She drove down from Wrexham, where they have just

bought a rather ramshackle cottage, and stayed overnight till Monday afternoon. Although we have

regularly been in touch throughout the pandemic, it was so great to see and talk to her. Just to be on the

safe side, she used a different bathroom and limited the dishes and glasses she used. We spent most of

the time sorting out stuff she could take for her house. She loved the dog and we did enjoy a nice walk

across the common.

20.8.20 We finally got to see the sea on Wednesday! It did not disappoint but it was very, very crowded. We had

been expecting to leave in the morning to catch the time when the tide would be out and there would be a

big beach to spread out the people. In the end we did not go till the afternoon because Roy was feeling

quite wobbly. We went to Carmarthen bay, which is not a major resort like Tenby; nevertheless there were

a lot of people there. There is a big car park but nevertheless we had to queue to get in. The tide had come

in more than we had originally planned so people were concentrated on an ever decreasing beach. We

managed a walk by the sea, and nearly got cut off as the tide rushed in. With an effort we managed to keep

at a safe social distance but some people seemed sublimely unaware of having to make that effort. Even

though it was crowded, I am glad we went as it is so important to use this time while it lasts. Martin was

also glad we ventured out because it was not as bad as he was expecting.

27.8.20 Oh dear, the weather is awful for August. I feel so sorry for the families trying to get a holiday before the

kids go back to school. They have spent all these months cooped up in the house in lovely sunshine, and

now they can finally go on holiday and the last two months have been rainy, windy, dull and not warm for

the time of year. There is a big push to re-open the schools at the beginning of September, and the public

message is one of reassurance and safety. But I am not sure if parents are convinced and I met

one Mum the other day who said she would not be sending her children back.

We went out for the day yesterday as the weather was a bit better than it has been. We went up to

Pembrokeshire to take our sheep’s wool to the weavers –the weaver will turn it into some nice rugs for

us and Maisy’s new cottage. We also went (in our face masks) to a big house nearby to see an exhibition of

paintings- and even sat outside to have a cream tea on disposable cups, boxes and plates! But even so

quite a thrill! Martin was rather worried because there were quite a few people around. We sat by the River,

had a packed lunch and went for a short walk (the puppy can’t go too far because she is too young). I

wanted to go and see the sea but Martin felt that was too much for him, so we came home. Today the

weather is back to the new August norm- wind and rain.

31.8.20

Hope that we can begin to normalise going out. I don’t feel too bad but Martin still gets very anxious. In

about ten days time we are going to spend four nights in a cottage in Pembrokeshire, one of our favourite

places. In keeping with the new normal, the cottage isn’t just cleaned before our arrival, but ‘fogged’- the

cottage is filled with a fog which is supposed to kill all the germs and supposedly safe for humans-we

hope!

11.9.20 Rang my mother’s care home to arrange to visit her the following weekend. Just that morning the manager

told me that she had had a letter from the Public Health advising against allowing any visits because the

Corona Virus situation was worsening on the Wirral. The manager told me if I came immediately I could see

my Mum for an hour. So I quickly rushed to arrange this. In less than an hour the home rang back to

say that Head Office had told them to stop all visits immediately. So I did not get to see my mother- I felt

awful for her and I wished I had done something earlier but I had been waiting till Maisy’s house was fit for

us to stay in rather than risk staying in a hotel. I thought my Mum would be really upset as she says nearly

every day that she wishes she could see me. But surprisingly she coped very well when I explained that it

was because of the Virus. She is quite confused these days, so I am not sure if she will understand and

remember what I have told her. At least we can see each other on the Facebook messenger link- seeing

her in the flesh would not have been very much different- a limited time, with space and a Perspex screen

between us, and no physical contact- it would not have been like our usual visits.

18.9.20 Trying the best to get as much as possible out of our time before restrictions return. The number of cases

seem to be growing very quickly. I had expected that it would not really take off before the cold weather

starts but people’s proximity to each other seems to be the only factor.

Just come back from staying for four nights by the sea in Pembrokeshire. It was heavenly- the weather was

fantastic, and although it was crowded, we know the area well enough to be able to find quieter places.

One thing Covid has done is to really make you appreciate the valuable things in life. To see the sea, the

cliffs, the beach, feel the sand under your feet and enjoy a nice paddle (my excuse for not bathing was that

I didn’t have a wet suit!).

28.9.20 The virus is getting a grip on Wales again, now over half the local authorities are under a type of lockdown.

Mark Drakeford appealed last Friday for people not to undertake non-essential travel. We do not usually

disobey but we did last Saturday. It was a sunny day and we feel, due to my being ‘shielded’ to be only just

out of lockdown, so we felt desperate for another day out. We figured that we would stay socially distant

from everyone, and so not be putting anyone at risk. When we got to Pembrokeshire, it appeared everyone

had the same idea! Fearing the imminent imposition of a regulation (not just request) like the five mile rule

in the spring, everyone was getting out while they could! I think Mark Drakeford’s well meaning appeal to

personal responsibility backfired because everyone feared a worse lockdown just round the corner!

Anyway we managed to enjoy the day, and I was pleased that Martin did not seem too anxious as we

steered our way around people keeping a safe social distance.

30.9.20 So we get to the end of these diaries although I fear we are just beginning again on the cycle of worsening

restrictions. Only the rural areas of Wales, like ours, have escaped local lockdown rules so far. For most

people in Wales they do not have the freedoms they had in the summer. Our daughter’s local authority of

Wrexham went into a local lockdown last Thursday evening- just when we had planned to visit her on the

Friday! So I fear we won’t see them and their new house till next spring! It’s a disappointment but so many

people have to endure so much more. I think greater, perhaps National lockdowns are round the corner

and I think this time people are going to be a lot less tolerant of the demands made on them, particularly as

we get into the depths of winter. The old are frightened enough of the virus to perhaps tow the line but I

think many young people have had enough, particularly as it is not a great health risk to them but they are

suffering most of the economic consequences-reduced education, loss and lack of employment, reduced

social life.