Corona Diaries

Ruby

“…I keep saying it’s like a snow day waiting for the decision to send people home – it’s a weird feeling of

waiting.”

Background Information

Female, Social Worker for NHS, South Wales.

March 2020

14/3/20

It’s been a strange week – concerns of the corona virus are rising but we are in this middle ground of

uncertainty. We know something is coming but we don’t know when or what this will look like. I am being

encouraged to get people out of hospital within my role as a social worker – we would normally want to get

this as near to perfect as possible by ensuring people return home with the services they need.

Unfortunately, we are working on the basis of ‘good enough’ and if people can safely manage at home, we

are advising this choice is taken. People are considered safer at home as we expect the hospitals to fill up

with covid-19 patients. I feel a sense of protection over my case load but it’s challenging when those using

the services do not feel the same urgency. At this time, it feels as though remaining in hospital is a death

sentence but that may be the anxiety of the uncertainty. I guess it’s all predictions but the unknown is

enough to make me feel sick.

There’s talk of confirmed Corona cases and these are getting closer and closer to home. I’ve heard a lot in

Newport, with these also rising in small towns in the Torfaen area. My family and I discuss this regularly

and have advised my Nan (a Jehovah’s Witness) to stop attending meetings, visiting people’s homes and

minimise visitors to her home. She’s infuriating as she doesn’t see this necessary and intends on

continuing with her normal life. Places that would normally be full of people are empty such as the tea room

that my sister in law, Ashleigh and niece, Flo are at today, and have the place to themselves.

Today I travelled to London on the train for a course – I contacted the firm beforehand as I didn’t know if it

was going ahead but they confirmed there was no plan to cancel. I felt pretty nervous about public transport

so prepared best I could with hand sanitizer. I spent 4-5 hours travelling on tubes, trains and taxis. There

was a weird feel on the train and tubes – some people were obviously mindful of the current situation and

covered their face with a scarf, while others showed little concern. We sat side by side – some people

looked around clearly with thoughts running through their mind….I wondered if they were thinking the same

as me; looking at every person questioning if they could be carrying this virus.

When I arrived at the training it was like this ‘virus’ wasn’t even a thing! There were about 70 people tightly

sat side by side. I couldn’t help but feel paranoid about those that closely surrounded me but eventually I

relaxed and forgot about the outside world - while also realising how ridiculous this was as it was clearly a

breeding centre for the virus.

17/3/20

My brother, Dan is a student paramedic but training has been stopped with potential for them to qualify

early to support with the Covid-19 outbreak. He already works in the NHS but as its non-essential work they

are being redeployed to areas of need – Dan’s being sent to the testing hubs to test NHS staff showing

symptoms until he finds out his role as a ‘paramedic’. His wife Ashleigh works in finance so her workplace

is also considering alternative measures to keep people safe – they are discussing sending people home to

work but this hasn’t been confirmed yet. She said people are panicking and uncertain of the decisions

being made. We all feel quite similar that the uncertainty is a difficult thing to manage – we feel in a middle

ground of the unknown. There’s reason to be cautious but extreme measure aren’t yet being taken. My

parents are also really struggling as they aren’t taking any money from their small business – they work on

the market selling handbags but these items aren’t a priority at the moment. They are quite worried about

managing financially and hoping there will be some type of government support. My colleague and I keep

saying it’s like a snow day waiting for the decision to send people home – it’s a weird feeling of waiting. We

are all very restless.

There seems to be a number of people self-isolating as they question if they are showing symptoms or

concerned that someone in their household has it. Hector (my partner) works for GWR as an engineer, and

he said two guys that live in Swansea have already self-isolated as they believe they are showing

symptoms. The social care sector also looks concerning as care agencies have little capacity to provide

care due to staff being on the sick. I am concerned how we will continue to get people out of hospital if

there is no care to support them at home?

As we discuss the changes with my family, certain members are feeling stressed and state things like

social media isn’t helping. We discuss the governments predicted death toll and it’s simply scary! A

colleague of Hector’s is using a thermometer to check everyone’s temperature in work as he worries about

his health. We are all very aware of watching out for a persistent cough and high temperature.

I ended up staying late in work as we went through all the service users to ensure we are aware of those

most in need of support as services become limited. I needed to do a food shop after work so popped to

Aldi about 18:30 - I could not believe my eyes. I’ve heard about the empty shelves but to see it was a

different story – I was in total shock and took a video of the freezers which were 90% empty. There was no

bread and hardly any vegetables. Microwavable meals it is! And to confirm the severity of the situation, we

had confirmation that a comedy gig in April 2020 has been cancelled and rescheduled to next year. Yup,

it’s getting real.

19/3/20

There’s some creative stuff being put out there to entertain people during this crazy time – my mum is keen

to get involved with an idea to put together a song with multiple people singing captured by video

recordings. I love this sense of creativity to find fun things to keep people going. My Dad also had some

good news as he’s been offered some work on the fruit and veg market stall to earn some cash. The work

is brutal as he has to get up at 1:30am to go pick up the stock – he’s used to working hard but WOW. And

to reward him for his hard work, he ended up on the BBC news as they documented the services still

running and the demand on food businesses.

20/3/20

Dan sent us a photo in his PPE uniform today to test symptomatic NHS staff – he explained the results take

48 hours to be processed. I’m so proud of him – the reality hits home that bit more seeing the level of

equipment he has to wear to keep himself safe.

I can see the unsettling feelings of uncertainty beginning to increase in work as colleagues feel we should

not be in the office as we could complete most tasks working from home. As advised by the government as

my colleagues keep pointing out. It is thought our management have unclear direction at this time – we

know something is being arranged but we do not know what. This is causing people to feel anxious. Certain

offices have closed and teams are amalgamating where they can. The decision was finally made to

minimise the number of people going into the office and a rota was put together to rotate between staff

working from home and the office.

22/3/20

Its Mother’s Day! We know we shouldn’t, but we had our last get together at Dan and Ashleigh’s to

celebrate. Hector really wasn’t happy as he said we shouldn’t be gathering – he’s right but it’s so hard

especially when we all love to see my little niece and are used to seeing her so often. Hector shared a

discussion about the virus on the radio – it was a really hard listen as they continue to predict death rates

rising. It’s yet another reality check that we need to take this seriously.

My auntie works in Harvester which has now closed its doors in line with government advice. This meant

clearing out the food so she left with loads of desserts! She kindly gave us a giant cheesecake trifle which

was delicious.

24/3/20

My sister in law started the day by sending a photo of my niece to our group chat – I replied ‘we are going

to need lots of photos of this face for a while’- knowing we aren’t going to see her for some time.

People have been hooked on the government updates and we knew that last night’s announcement from

Boris Johnson was going to be serious. We have watched the rest of the world as they lockdown and took

some extreme measures so we knew what to expect. I personally felt his announcement was really good

and he’s holding himself well in this craziness but I knew instantly that the expectations placed upon us

weren’t clear enough. Right on cue my friends hopped in the group chat and asked ‘so, does that mean

lockdown or not?’. I interpreted it as yes, it meant lockdown but he said everything other than using the

word ‘lockdown’ which obviously confused people. I felt sick watching his speech; waiting as he built it up to

deliver the instruction that we must remain indoors unless essential! The apprehension is not something

I’ve ever felt before on such an enormous scale that impacts the whole country. It’s absolutely surreal!

We discussed this in the group chat with my friends - I felt the freedom of exercise is great but the advice is

kind of woolly for some people. Boris needs to say the word ‘lockdown’…after all, the media have! I think he

doesn’t want to scare people but on the other hand, he has been very direct in saying ‘we will lose many

lives’ which makes my stomach turn every time.

My sister in law plans to video chat with my mum today as my niece is getting upset and doesn’t

understand why she can’t see Gaga (as she calls my mum) like she normally does. However, my mum is

normally so wrapped up in everyone else’s life, its lovely to see that she’s been for a walk today and sent a

picture of the sun rising.

I’m going to do a visit to a client in work today – we’ve been advised to avoid any visits unless essential. I

feel really nervous and I keep checking in on myself and questioning – do I feel okay? Do I have any

symptoms? before going into the home. I do not want to be the reason someone contracts this deadly virus.

I don’t have any PPE, other than things I have bought myself, like gloves. I have made some antibacterial

hand wipes as the shop shelves are empty of such items and that’s as good as it gets. I tried to keep my

distance during the visit but this wasn’t always possible due to one thing or another. I checked the client

didn’t have any symptoms before visiting as that’s the basic advice we’ve been given but I just hope they

stay that way.

25/4/20

Mums signed up to an agency for work and has confirmation she’ll be starting in a chicken factory

tomorrow. She normally babysits my niece while my sister in law works but besides this, she has worked

for herself for years so we joke that she’s unemployable. She said she’s looking forward to it. I feel so

proud of all the people struggling with the changes to their self-employment earnings and therefore taking

on any role they can to continue earning the money they need. It shouts ‘I am not too proud and will do

what I need to do’.

I’m looking for other ways to exercise since my normal weekly yoga and netball class have been cancelled.

I’m doing more walking, running and doing online exercise classes. I find it mildly amusing the number of

people walking in single file along the cycle track near my house – its as though we are becoming

conditioned to keep our distance as soon as we see another living soul. I still really appreciate a smile

though as some people seem to think that making eye contact is a risk factor of contracting covid. My

brother and Ashleigh also did an at home workout yesterday as shown on their social media account – it

looked great. Social media has blown up as people offer numerous ideas and ways to get through this.

Personally, I find this okay, sometimes annoying and intense but mainly I enjoy it.

26/3/20

The government have confirmed self-employed people will get 80% of their average monthly profits paid by

government up to £2,500 a month. Fortunately, my parents have already been offered a £10,000 grant so

with the work they are currently doing, everything is looking okay for them! I know this isn’t the same for

everyone as some of my friends and potentially Ashleigh find themselves in an uncertain position.

People have started to clap at 8pm on their doorstep for NHS workers! Seeing people come together has

been really heart-warming – I think the acts of kindness are shining brighter than the bad right now.

27/3/20

Hector was back to work today – he was in two minds about how to travel to Bristol and then decided to

catch the train. He sent us a video at 6:28am in disbelief with how deserted the train station was as this is

ordinarily bustling with people. Hectors also gutted that Boris has been tested Covid positive today – he’s

become quite a fan of his during this time and I feel the same.

Whilst in work I decided to stroll to the local shop – yet another reminder of this awful virus as people

queued outside and entered three at a time. An alternative shop nearby work allows one in at a time but

firstly provide gloves at the door that customers must wear and dispose of upon leaving.

My mum is doing all shopping for a few family members now and thankfully my nan finally accepted the

safety precautions and has temporarily changed her normal day to day life. It helped that all Jehovah

witness meetings were changed to video calls via zoom. We are worried about certain family members

such as my auntie and cousin as they already have very poor health – they are being really sensible

though. My mum leaves the shopping at the door and chats to them at a distance in the garden. Everyone

describes feeling emotionally up and down – some days we manage this madness, while others are driven

by total anxiety of these ‘unprecedented’ times. The term ‘unprecedented’ is a word I will forever associate

with the corona virus as I have heard it day after day linked to the management of this situation.

A colleague has been sending everyone random facts to keep up moral and for a bit of fun I guess – this

has been something I’ve really enjoyed. The team are talking lots via an online system called Microsoft

Teams where we chat via messages or video call. They are loving sending amusing GIFs and laughing at

silly things like a cat mouthing ‘see you later’ – I find the whole GIF thing gets annoying quite quickly but I

can’t deny, it’s nice to see other people smiling. Most recent random fact included: apples, potatoes and

onions all taste the same with your nose plugged. Probably untrue but it got people talking.

31/3/20

Clapping for keyworkers is becoming a Thursday night ritual – along with fireworks and clanging of pans! I

keep forgetting and then hear this sudden whooping and banging. I like hearing people being silly, singing

and laughing. People seem to be taking themselves less seriously!

Video chats of all types are becoming a big thing and something I was never keen on but I need to move

with the times. I’ve already used WhatsApp video call to catch up with my niece and try to entertain her

while giving my sister in law a break – she’s finding entertaining a 2yr old within four walls hard work. I’ve

also done a video group exercise session with my dad and brother and got involved with lots of live

exercise workouts on social media. I continue to use Microsoft Teams to catch up with work colleagues and

receive updates on what needs to be done. And I’ve had a video chat on a new app called House Party

with my friends – that was a lot of fun.

My parents are upping their bakery skills as I try to fight off Hector from getting a take away. Some food

places are doing deliveries, but I don’t want to welcome in any unnecessary ‘germs’ – I think Hectors love

for Indian food is going to win though. Hector normally does some overtime in work but that’s been

cancelled for the foreseeable future, so he has to spend his days off at home which is driving him insane.

He has walked the dog, been cycling, fixed bits around the house, watched TV and played games but he

still lay there, humorously shouting out the window ‘BORIS….LET ME OUT’. His boredom is very

entertaining.

I’ve found so many things online to keep people entertained - this week I came across an image with lots of

song titles hidden in a picture with the challenge to name as many titles as possible. I knew this would be

something my family would love so I shared it in our group. As I predicted they soon replied listing songs

such as Bat out of Hell and Man in the Mirror – it was nice to see their minds preoccupied by something fun

and silly for a while.

Work got real today as they suddenly seem to be getting ready for action. They are redeploying the social

care workers by splitting us between hospital work and community work and changing our working hours

from Mon-Fri 9-5 to 12 hr shifts. Many of us can say good bye to the upcoming 5-day bank holiday

weekend as we prepare for whatever these 12 hr shifts will hold.

April 2020

5/4/20

My sister in law is still finding my niece difficult to manage without being able to go out and receive support

from family. We are trying to support from a distance by doing video chats and offering emotional support.

My parents have dropped a few things off like a child’s play car etc and Ashleigh and Dan have bought new

items like a slide and made things from any random items around the house. Every piece of cardboard has

been used and she now has this cool contraption made out of a bottle to blow bubbles. I’m so into this

creative way of living. But there is only so much that can be done with a little one full of life that is despe rate

to go to the park. They walk but Flo doesn’t understand why there’s no destination. It’s hard for them and

upsetting for my parents as they stop outside to drop things off but can’t go in and see their granddaughter.

I did my first few days working from home this week (which I was dreading) – it is going to take some

getting used to. It’s made me realise how much I value being part of a team but also how much we chat. I

can get a lot more done at home! However, it’s been hard with Hector singing or shouting at his game while

I’m trying to have serious conversations with clients. I’m being trained in various areas now such as

medication administration and manual handling in preparation for care work if necessary. I’m more than

happy to do what needs to be done but the anticipation is getting difficult. Always waiting. Always uncertain

what the next day might bring as I’ve learnt from all this, that things change dramatically day to day.

My parents have found new jobs this week in the NHS as paid workers – they are expecting to do roles

such as cleaning and portering. I find it so amusing that one minute they are fruit and veg market workers

or packing chicken and now they are working for the NHS. What a mad situation. From the time of their

telephone interview to starting their NHS jobs, it was 5 days. I’m so proud of them but equally worried as I

often work within the hospital they’ll be based and know there are many covid cases.

It’s crazy how much we took small activities for granted, like getting a haircut. I regret not getting my hair

done before all the hairdressers closed but it’s not the end of the world – I just feel a bit yuck I guess.

Hector however, has nominated me to complete his haircuts with the snippers we fortunately have in the

cupboard. I created a little video of this and without even trying, caught a brilliant look on his face as he

realised I was doing a terrible job!

12/4/20

On Monday the public were informed Boris was moved to intensive care. We couldn’t stop thinking about it

as we realised ‘if Boris can die anyone can’ – it made things real again. The situation is so up and down –

you start to feel okay and almost forget and then there’s this harsh reminder that this is far from over. Its yet

another wake up call. The man we eagerly watched week after week may not survive this. It’s scary.

I also went shopping this week – I totally overlooked the fact there was this big queue and was promptly

sent to the back. I felt a wave of emotion as I waited. The reality once again hit me…I’m standing in this

surreal moment! I keep thinking it’s not real but it is. I held back the tears and went in. It was difficult to

navigate whilst inside – ‘do I wait behind people or can I take over? I need an item where the shopkeeper is

standing – can I go there or not?’ Well…I did and the shopkeeper got really agitated – she shook in

annoyance as she ran off. Later I seen her do this again as another person passed her – she was obviously

struggling with the situation and the differing interpretations of how best to undertake our shopping. On my

way out they had tightened up on the number of people going in at once and a man on a mic was

entertaining those in the queue. I told Hector about the situation and said we need to last as long as we can

because I don’t want to go back there. It wasn’t a nice experience.

Ashleigh is now furloughed from her finance job and Dan has started doing home testing for NHS staff. He

is still awaiting solid decisions to be made regarding his role as a paramedic. Ashleigh’s expressed her

annoyance with how her firm informed staff of the changes and the decisions that have been made. Dan is

trying to work as much as possible as they were already on the financial breadline with his student position

and now Ashleigh will only get 80% of her pay with the potential for redundancy. They seem quite irritated

with work, juggling a baby and general life at the moment.

I started 12 hr shifts this week – it’s really difficult to achieve consistency when I work a day then have 3

days off and then 2 back in. The emails after 3 days off are insane and I start the day feeling super

stressed with the challenge of adapting to my new routine at home. However, on the plus, I thoroughly

enjoyed my days off. The Getty Museum set a challenge to recreate famous art work so I got creative,

pulled in Hector and recreated the likes of Van Gogh! Now, that’s a memory that’ll last a lifetime. I’ve also

signed up for any course of interest, read in the garden and took it easy. I’ve always been of the opinio n

that life needs to go back to basics and this awful situation is forcing people to do that. I can’t help but

appreciate the pros of this situation as people find other ways to entertain themselves; they appreciate what

really matters and the environment gets a break. Every cloud has a silver lining! The emotions are still a

rollercoaster though as I enjoy these moments but they are often shadowed by dread and worry for loved

ones.

My parents NHS job roles are going well and my mum is often in PPE as she cleans around the ward. She

said a patient was crying this week as she explained she felt scared. This Broke my heart as these patients

are sitting watching the chaos unfold around them; workers in PPE while other patients persistently cough.

Some of these patients haven’t got corona virus and aren’t showing symptoms but it’s hard not to take a

morbid outlook and wonder how long it’ll be before that changes. In the midst of this sadness, I find hearing

success stories very uplifting – such as the 99-year-old woman that recovered! What a trooper. Or the man

that undertook the challenge to walk around his garden 100 times for his 100 th birthday to raise money! It’s

all the wonderful moments that remind me this chaos will end and people are ultimately brilliant!

Another area that seems to be bigger than ever is TikTok – it’s quite addictive actually. With the

disappointment I wouldn’t be able to see my niece for easter and I hadn’t bought her anything, I decided to

make her an easter bunny video. My brother and Hector responded with disgust of how cringey it was BUT

Flo liked it! It makes me smile thinking about the new creative lengths I’ll go to to maintain connection with

my niece – I’d far rather see her but it’s funny for now.

29/4/20

There are so many interesting things being done in line with the covid outbreak – the town clock was lit up

blue yesterday with NHS projected on it. Also, I have found a Dr in Swansea doing some research with the

request that people capture their experiences of this pandemic. There will be so many memories from this

time that will be incredible to look back on – hence my journal so far! I know one day this will be an

interesting time to remember.

As I enjoy my daily walk, I see so much support for the NHS and keyworkers in people’s windows, on the

pavements and even over bridges. The public birthday banners have been replaced with messages of

thanks and rainbows.

Hector had to pop to the pharmacy today so prepared for the queue. I’ve seen the length of the queue as I

drive past and the chairs placed outside to allow people to sit down. My friend works there and she has

said how challenging it’s been – unfortunately certain people have been particularly rude and impatient

which doesn’t make the difficult times any easier. None the less, Hector took a quick shot of her during his

visit and she looked happy or insane - not sure which one!

The NHS Thursday night clapping and celebration continues. It’s strange because I don’t live on a typical

street where others can be seen but I sure can hear them. I wonder if people will keep up this Thursday

night routine.

My sister in law had her 3-month baby scan this month and after having some bad news about her sisters’

unborn baby, she was super anxious. Mothers are expected to attend scans alone during the current crisis

to reduce risk so we rallied together as a family to make a plan of who could transport Ashleigh as well as

someone to look after Flo. My brother had training in prep to work on the ambulance and my parents have

been around positive corona virus cases far too much to take the chance of being around Ashleigh. So that

left me. I felt fairly confident I haven’t contracted anything as I’ve minimised my social work visits. When I

arrived at the house to pick Ashleigh and Flo up, my niece ran over to me screaming ‘RUBYYYY’ – I was

caught off guard with how emotional this felt. I picked her up and we hugged so tight as I fought back the

tears. I’m in shock how emotional this was and realised how much changes in just under 5 weeks of last

seeing her.

Ashleigh went in for the scan while myself and Flo waited on a grass area of the hospital – it was quiet but I

felt nervous someone may give us a telling off and ask us to leave. But it was still an amazing hour sitting in

the sun and picking flowers while we waited for her mum to return. When Ashleigh got back, she quickly

showed Flo the scan photos and confirmed everything was looking perfect! This was Ashleigh’s first time

seeing a health professional since becoming pregnant as appointments have been minimised for only those

that are essential – it meant that Ashleigh questioned if she even was pregnant and felt anxious about her

baby’s development. Today took so much pressure off and her mood lifted instantly.

I managed to capture a rare photo of the three of them together when my brother returned from his training!

Hector and I continue to enjoy exploring our local area and we even walked a few miles this week to go to

the chip shop which obviously also involved queueing - one in, one out kind of organisation. We are finding

hidden gems literally a few minutes from our house. I’m amazed at Hectors mindfulness approach as he

looks around and points at things he didn’t notice before. I too am finding a deeper appreciation for what I

can see and hear during our walks. The volume of people out and about appears to be increasing –

particularly those riding bikes and sadly this doesn’t exclude cars on the roads. Maybe people are

becoming more complacent with the situation. While I don’t think we should let our guards down, I too feel

that things are settling down?

My mum has mentioned the emotional rollercoaster that my auntie and nan appear to be experiencing.

Some days they are fine but other days they sound low in mood or cry. My auntie is on the shielding list

and is feeling anxious about the whole situation. She hasn’t left the house but recently has taken a walk

later in the evening when she hopes no one will be around. Her son, my cousin is 16 years old and just

wants to see his friends but they are both sensible people and know they have to stay safe until things

settle down. Hector and I decided to visit to clear the garden to give them a nice space to sit outside. We

had it all planned out of how we would stay outside and maintain distance – my auntie was so excited for

the planned visit to see some new faces I guess. She made us some food that we strategically exchanged

and she used gloves to be extra careful. It was amusing sitting across the garden from eachother but still

spending time together. At the end of the day, my auntie was super pleased with the tidy space she could

now enjoy outside and I know this will help her mental health.

My parents continue with their jobs in the NHS but their hours are being reduced – it appears perhaps the

need is getting less. The hospital where they are based isn’t considered a main hospital but numbers have

got much lower as people passed away, moved hospital or returned home. They are uncertain whether

their job roles will be moved to a bigger new hospital that possibly will be opened early to meet the needs of

the pandemic but it remains unknown. Social Services have responded to the needs of the community well

and many have been redeployed from areas such as youth services to waste collection. Incredible

flexibility. My shifts continue to be altered to find the best way of working but as a social worker, I haven’t

been in high demand as initially expected. It feels quite strange – I keep asking to help in other areas but I

guess we need to stay in position in case there is a sudden influx. My brother sadly isn’t going to qualify as

a paramedic early and this may actually be postponed later than expected which is difficult for him as he

has a baby on the way. However, he continues to undertake covid-19 testing and will be sent out to work

alongside the paramedics soon until his exams can be rearranged.

On a brighter note, my dad has been driving a tug around the hospital for his porter job which I find

hilarious so he agreed to send a photo. And the road marking guys did some brilliant work outside my

brothers’ workplace this week. Proud moments!