Corona Diaries

Trevor

“Who knew having a haircut would be considered a highlight of life?”

Background Information

Male, aged 45-54, Social Researcher, Northeast England, White, Married, Two adult children.

Coronadiary in form of blog posts.

March 2020

Sunday March 22nd

I’ve been thinking for the last week I need to write some thoughts. Who am I writing for? Perhaps Austin,

my gorgeous 7 year old grandson —so when he is my age, he can compare his memories with mine.

Perhaps for future grandchildren not even born who will hear about these times. But perhaps just for me. It

doesn’t feel as if it matters. It feels important to just write stuff. And record it.

These are ‘strange times’ indeed. After a couple of months where we knew about ‘coronavirus’, and where

we probably thought —as we did with Ebola, Sars etc —that this was something that affected Far Eastern

countries, this last week has highlighted as one Cabinet minister ‘this is not a game’. It feels as if we are in

the foothills of the crisis.

The history of the spread of ‘Covid-19’ in the UK will be told in time. Minutes of COBRA and Cabinet

meetings will be released in 2050. Memoirs will be retold. And obviously mistakes have and will be made.

The question for me is whether they are honest mistakes, rather than ideological ones.

My reflection right now is that the decision to focus on ‘herd immunity’ in the early days (the words can’t be

unsaid, however much some wish them to be) will cost countless lives. The decision not to close pubs and

other public buildings will cost countless more. The decision not to lockdown (even now) ... the delay in

closing schools ... the delays in preventing panic shopping.

How South Korea communicated the threat.

Confusing messaging hasn’t helped —one day, Johnson announces schools will be closed, the next he

reverts to type and tells everyone we will beat this thing. The next day he announces pubs to be closed.

And then the weekend hits and all the second homers (with surfboards in their back pockets) drive off to

Cornwall, putting irresponsible pressure on local shops and services. Contrast this to the messaging in the

Brexit referendum —‘Take back control’ or in the 2019 election —‘Get it done’. Always feels as if the

government is a week behind the curve. Which ordinarily you may forgive, but as they have the Italian and

Spanish models to see how the curve is likely to go vertical, this feels irresponsible. Even negligent (see

below for my brother in law’s definition of malfeasance).

I intend to write this from a personal perspective —reflecting on the personal, the local —but always

reflecting that through the prism of what is happening nationally and indeed globally. CJ Wright-Mills’ ‘The

Sociological Imagination’ makes clear the link between private troubles and public issues. Never has there

been a time where that feels clearer.

I hope I can cover some of the following in future days and weeks:

• How may Covid-19 change the world and the way we live our lives

• The foodbank model —coming into its own or showing its limitations?

• Has technology helped or hindered our response to #Covid-19?

• The political response —would a Government of National Unity help?

• Are there positives that may come out of Covid-19 —what may they be?

• Is there a role for football (and sport) in combatting Covid-19?

• Behavioural science —a help or a danger to suppressing #Covid-19?

• Does this change what people think of as the role of the state? Or the size of the state?

Monday March 23rd

How long has this been going on?

Well actually in the UK, it only seems to have really been a thing for the last week. But actually, on

reflection, we did know this was happening three weeks ago.

A day later, Tokyo 2020 was cancelled to 2021 but apparently will still be called Tokyo 2020.

Three weeks ago, I went to a workshop in East London and we were all discussing it. I remember someone

mentioning how their husband would probably not be able to cover the Tokyo Olympics as a journalist. And

then I went to a huge conference with 500 people, all in close proximity, in Sheffield. All I really noticed was

the peer pressure on washing hands seemed to be making an impact. Social distancing —who had heard

of that? (Indeed, what is that? why use a term that is so vague and poorly understood? one for another day

...). And then I was off down to Devon to see my Mum, who gleely announced upon my arrival after a six-

hour drive ‘I’m not going out, you know’. We did go out that weekend, albeit ironically keeping our distance.

But she was right, I was wrong.

A fortnight ago, I attended an AMR workshop in London. Coronavirus was definitely a topic. My

presentation focussed on consumer understanding of AMR (you may know this as a superbug, or

antimicrobial resistance, or even antibiotic resistance —that’s part of what our research found, there is little

recognition of AMR). The two things I remember were that consumers think that AMR is something ‘other’,

something that affects other countries, but not the Global North. And the other thing is that —perhaps like

climate change —consumers think ‘someone’ will find a solution. What my colleague Mat referred to as

‘magical thinking’. I remember thinking this is what we all thought about Coronavirus. It wouldn’t happen to

us. And surely someone will come up with a solution, whether a vaccine (!) or at least an ameliorative

treatment.

We all love a bit of magical thinking.

And then —much to the chagrin of Andrea, my wife (who was way ahead of the curve) —I went to Belfast

for a couple of days. And whilst there, Ireland announced it would be closing its schools. Colleagues in the

office observed how bizarre it was that on the island of Ireland, there would be two sets of rules. Northern

Ireland only followed on a week later. It was only when I got back (Friday the 13th) that I started working

from home. But even then our social science team were ahead of the game in deciding that was the right

thing to do.

So looking back, why was I travelling on trains to/from London, on the tube, on the planes? At one level, I

was personally pretty stupid, but at the other there was no guidance telling me not to. Should I have worked

it out for myself? Yes, probably. But at least I wasn’t one of the idiots (even a Vice Chancellor) who was off

to the pub on Friday 20th for one last hurrah.

What do I take from all of this. In a public health crisis, forget your uber-libertarian nonsense, people need

telling, not encouraging, not cajoling. They need telling. I needed telling three or even four weeks ago.

Liberalism is a freedom to make your own decisions and mistakes —but not when those decisions and

mistakes endanger others’ lives. It’s a difficult line in the sand to draw, but we had China, we had South

Korea, we had Italy and Spain. It wasn’t as if we had NO evidence to go on.

April 2020

A sunny evening, Saturday April 25th

So a month after I last wrote, despite the best of intentions, I haven’t done what I said. After reading what it

is an extraordinary book, broken into mini-chapters, I have been encouraged into putting down my thoughts

again.

Time has moved on —more than 20,000 people have now died in Britain’s hospitals which is probably less

than half of the true toll when one considers the shameful abandonment of care homes and the ‘excess

deaths’ where people died at home without getting to hospital, without even being tested.

We now have weekly claps for the NHS and our key workers without seemingly reflecting on how we, the

political system, democracy, the Tories (this can be a multi response) failed the self same key workers by

failing to fund the NHS adequately or indeed value the work they do, and the risks they undertake.

Social distancing is the norm now ‘apparently’ —we are into our fourth or fifth week, with the likelihood of

months more. I still like to go for my run every other morning (nearly up to 75km for the month! never been

fitter!). But yet there are signs that people are getting frustrated. Seems as if people can’t measure up what

is 2 metres (two arm lengths!) or is it that they don’t care? Are they like two of the three posh white men

who lectured us in those early days who thought that the rules didn’t apply to them, who thought somehow

they were magic and the virus would except them from attacking them. The rules literally don’t apply

evenly, whether it is Jack Grealish, Kyle Walker, Stephen Kinnock or Robert Jenrick.

This virus appears to have far right political leanings —a quite literal eugenist approach to life that Dominic

Cummings would be proud of. It kills those with co-morbidities, those who are immuno-compromised, those

who are older, those who are BME and I suspect in time we will find it killed a lot more working class people

(after all, they have lower life expectancy for a reason), they live in higher density housing, more work in

high risk low income work (I never remember anyway suggesting to me I should aspire to be a care

worker). And probably due to poverty, more working class people can’t afford a healthy diet and are obese

or have diabetes (both risk factors).

I’ll try and write more often in the coming days…

Tuesday 28th April

So last Saturday, sat in the garden enjoying some sun, about to have bacon and eggs for lunch, my phone

rings. Unknown number. Do I answer? I did. A little voice says ‘Hello’. It’s Austin! So I ask him what he’s up

to and where he is. He says he’s in the front garden. Slightly mystified, I ask why he is in his front garden.

No, Grandad, I am in your front garden. What a wonderful surprise. I walk through the house and see

Austin and Hailey sat by the wall in the garden. Shortly after, Hugh comes puffing up the steps.

So whilst we continue to socially distance, the best surprise ever. Sat in the garden, seeing his little chirpy

face, popping into the green house to admire the sunflowers growing, showing off Granny’s screen to ‘stop

the birds getting in’, pointing out ‘white eyes’ in the pond. The simplest things are really the best.

The last couple of days, I went for a walk before starting work. Yesterday, I listened to a podcast hearing

about the horrendous situation in South America. Bolsanaro in Brazil sounds like Trump on steroids. A

coastal city in Ecuador sounds as if it is in meltdown where dead bodies are being dropped on street

corners or left in people’s houses to rot, whilst families become infected by the same dead bodies they are

grieving for. And then later, Boris came out from his own illness —no press conference, just a set piece to

tell —or shout —at everyone. Everyone keeps on saying we are following ‘the science’ as if it is a

homogenous thing which everyone agrees with. Boris reminded me of my Dad where if you said it loud

enough and firmly enough, that WAS enough. And don’t dream of arguing. I know best.

The roads are empty. At 858am, totally empty. The plus side is the drop in air pollution (30%+). But there is

a surreality about it all. I doubt we will see days like these again in my lifetime. Or perhaps they are the start

of something bleaker where they become the new norm. It was strange. It set the tone for the rest of the

day. Just made me feel flat, sad. And then unreasonably so. After all, I’ve had a good life. I’m affluent. I

have a lovely wife, I have a lovely family. I live in a beautiful city. But that is almost what makes me sad. If I

can, why can’t others? Why me?

This morning, I set off pretty much on the same walk and tried to be a little more mindful. I spotted some

sparrows as I walked down the street. I could hear noises above and around. Everything was still

extraordinarily quiet and still.

It made me realise that usually with the hustle and bustle of the day, we never stop to appreciate what is

around us. I say we. I don’t mean that. Probably most of us and definitely me. It’s part of the reason why I

am so.

I walked through one of the parks (and fair play to the City Council for leaving its parks open 24/7 —

compare that to Middlesborough). I discovered a new part to the park, beautiful wisteria covering a

walkway. I walked down Graham Drive and saw this gorgeous flower, little speckles all over it. I chose not

to start work till 1030am.

Usually I don’t stop for long enough to see what is around us. If nothing else around this unfolding tragedy

is good, seeing and appreciating nature is one thing. I hope I don’t lose that. It’s one of the things I am most

proud of that Hailey and Hugh bring Austin up to appreciate beauty in the world —and before that, Monica

and Simon the same with Charlie and Nicholas. And well before that, Andrea with Hailey and Hannah!

Despite living in the most stunning area in the country, surrounded by nature, streams, animals, birds, I felt

frustrated and annoyed we were sooo remote. I think Mum and Dad should have really opened that world

up more to us. Heh ho. Onto a different day.

May 2020

Sunday May 3rd

So whilst the highlight of last week was a visit from Austin, Hailey and Hugh, this week’s highlight was a

visit from a couple of ducks. Thursday morning having just got out the shower, I looked out and saw these

two…

Next minute, they jumped into the pond as if they owned it! After the initial ‘awwww’, there was a realisation

that actually this may not be such a good thing. After all, who wants to have a garden full of duck poo, the

plants eaten all up, and moreover what about the little fishies in the pond who have all co-existed so happily

together for so long! So we shhhhhed them away, but we realised an hour or two later, they were back, this

time landing straight into the pond! And so it went on ... landing, Andrea going out, having a civilised chat

with them and then shhhhing them off. It also became quite apparent that they were doing some vertical

diving. And Monica made me more anxious as she said that even if they don’t eat the fish, they may kill

them through the ammonia in their poo. And in fact the sssshhhing become somewhat more problematic as

time went on —they grew braver and more reluctant to move on! So at the time of writing, there has been a

small development —today the male duck (Ducky to his friends) only came by. Andrea’s initial conclusion

was that the female must be behind the shed laying eggs. But no! And then later, Ducky made me jump out

of my skin as he dive landed into the pondlike someone paragliding. But again on his own. So where is Mrs

Duck?

Interestingly, Andrea made a profound philosophical point this afternoon. At first I laughed but then you kind

of realise how valid it is. Sending Ducky on his way makes the point as to territoriality, borders and so on.

And as Andrea said, we may as well put up a flag —well, I sort of did yesterday to try and frighten them

away. But my flags (made of strips of plastic bags) really didn’t work.

A little sadness today is that it seems as if Neža is about to die. We noticed her walking in a strange way,

almost vertical with her bum dragging along the ground. It seems very likely that she is egg-bound. I gave

her a warm soothing bath, but it doesn’t seem to have made a lot of difference. I could take her to the vets

but I know they will almost certainly suggest euthanasia, and there is a chance she may come through it if

she can lay the egg.

The latest Food Foundation report has come out today showing the extraordinary hike in children who are

going hungry during the crisis. Part of the problem seems to be related to the voucher system where

families entitled to free school meals get vouchers via their school via Edenred (the voucher provider).

Hailey was saying that DfE are quite convinced that the system is working well, and indeed how the Perm

Sec has put disadvantaged kids front and centre.

But this makes me think that the structure of the civil service is so focussed on defensive communications

that opening up conversations on what is not going well is risky career-wise (even if the data / analysis

shows this to be the case). And moreover, opening up conversations with external bodies is even more

risky. This has happened to me a few times where more senior people become very twitchy and want to

close down those channels of communication. But surely good policy-making comes out of engaging with

the good and the bad? I guess the flip side is that the media would need to have a more circumspect

approach to policy where they don’t pounce on every bad news story as a failure but understand it as a

means to learn and improve policy. The amount of effort and resource that goes into preparing ministers

into set-piece interactions with Committees is mind-blowing. The same can be said in relation to papers for

senior folk, who then often barely gloss over the content (in fairness there are some who have an eye for

the detail). Two interesting examples of this recently: No 10 are apparently micro-gridding all publications

(in ordinary parlance, micro-managing) whilst even heavily aggregated data from DWP can only be shared

with other government departments after authorisation from the Secretary of State. Talk about open,

transparent government.

Saturday May 16th

So here I am (in week 7 of lockdown, or is 8?), feeling a little lethargic (today is a strange cool, slightly

windy day with strains of sunshine). 33 years since that day at St George’s when Hailey was born. 33

years, incredible.

Yesterday though was special. I took Austin out for a socially distanced bike ride to St Pauls. We have seen

him a couple of times since #LockdownBritain (a phrase Austin gets very frustrated with Granny —it’s ‘just

Lockdown Granna’). But each time is so precious; a small flavour of how he grows up. We cycled over the

Stray near the Uni, up and into Long Hall to St Pauls. He loved showing me the stone circle, supping his

hot chocolate (‘Granny always does my hot chocolate the right temperature’), telling me stories about owls

and how they don’t twit-twoo (the male twits, the female twoos!).

We explored St Pauls walking down to the beck through the lovely pathways in the woods (how such an

incredible piece of nature exists so close to the centre of city is something of a miracle) and then made our

way for a picnic lunch of tuna ciabattas, chocolate brioche and cheese and onion crisps before returning

home.

A grand total of 6.68 miles apparently said Austin as we arrived back, so proud and pleased with his bike

computer! We did both socially distance although in honesty, taking care of him at traffic lights on large

junctions means you perhaps go a bit closer than the official guidance.

These though are the moments that are so special. Most days are fine, we are managing really well

(moreover we are bloody lucky to have the green space, the house, the city) but all the same it can feel a

little bit groundhog ... wake up, go for a run (if you are sufficiently motivated), log on to work, do what

seems like back to back meetings on Teams/Zoom/Skype and then eat, watch TV and sleep. And then the

weekend, some gardening, cleaning out the hens, read, sleep/doze! Even when the sun shines (which it

isn’t really doing today), these days can feel a little flat. And make you feel a little sad. Not just for those

who are going through loss, grief, or working in incredibly risky situations but just because human beings

are intended to be social creatures and without that social interaction, life isn’t the same (even when we

can connect through tech).

Nature continues to be a thrill. The ducks continue to pop back every day, if anything they seem to be

permanent fixtures. Slightly worryingly, we haven’t seen the fish in the pond for the last few days —whether

that is due to them stirring up the pond with their vigorous swimming (or shagging) or if it is due to them

eating the fish remains to be seen. Either way, they have been a welcome addition to the back garden.

Earlier in the week, we had a large urban gull which collided with the wall, got stuck in the rose bush,

eventually got unstuck, fell on the ground upside down and then gradually found its feet but stayed around

that evening right outside the back door. I confess I wasn’t sure what I’d do if the gull had stayed

permanently but it did fly off the next day. Squirrels —and baby squirrels —pootle around. I confess I don’t

like them —rats with tails. Sadly Neža is still looking disturbingly unwell ... she ‘can’ move about but

huddles up next to the wall. I don’t want to take her to the vet as I know he will prescribe euthanasia but the

flip side is she doesn’t seem to have much quality of life. I keep on hoping she may re-emerge with some

zest.

Otherwise, the political ramifications continue (Britain is seemingly the worst country at handling the crisis

across Europe or perhaps even the world?). But the general population still seem in favour of how they

handle what seems a form of unintended/intended eugenics. Football is back in Germany, in empty

stadiums, where echos can be heard, where bumping elbows is in vogue and celebrations seem bizarrely

hollow. Interestingly, no T-shirts thanking our key workers —when Premier League football is back, I almost

guarantee that will happen. There still seems some way to go before that happens and I still think they can’t

play out the season, but money trumps everything so it probably will. The naked self-interest of football is

never so marked as playing in an empty soulless stadium. Or perhaps in the sovereign state of Saudi

Arabia taking over Newcastle United.

Who knows what comes next week?

Sunday May 17th

As time goes by, I’ve identified an increasingly impatient tone to getting football back on our screens. When

matches were first cancelled (and to think they were still playing that Liverpool/Atletico match in mid-

March), everyone seemed to understand it. Cue the usual patter...‘football is the most important of the least

important things’ ... but as time has gone on, the media (and even the Guardianistas) appear to think it’s

fine for it to go back with the usual caveat ‘so long as it is safe to do so’, as long as we don’t ‘really’ have to

interrogate what that actually means. What it does mean is that it ignores the wishes of players, staff and

managers. And fans —the German fans did not want the Bundesliga to resume.

Watching even the most progressive Bundesliga yesterday seemed to highlight the utter naked self-interest

of top-flight football. Playing football behind closed doors with no fans seemed devoid of meaning.

Don’t get me wrong —if I walk up to a local park, I can happily watch a game. I love the actual game but

yesterday just felt plain wrong. Top-level football is for the fans within the stadium. And this is Germany,

which is so many light years ahead of our response to Covid.

But we know what is behind the rush back to completing the season. Incidentally, well done to Port Vale for

showing magnanimity to the EFL League 2, and agreeing to finish the season irrespective that it was not in

their self-interest. Money, pure and simple. Nothing else. Some suggest it relates to sporting integrity.

Some suggest the bottom clubs are spoilt brats not agreeing to resumption. Of course there is massive

self-interest. But that self-interest revolves to their future income streams. Others have argued that it is

important for the livelihoods of those employed by those clubs —as if that could not be taken care of by the

owners, or indeed worse case, by the players taking a metaphorical haircut.

So let’s talk about sporting integrity. Sporting integrity happens when you complete a competition with the

same conditions and rules in place at the end of the competition as at the beginning. So that means you

don’t have sporting integrity in the following situations:

• you introduce a rule of 5 substitutes per match, allowing richer clubs (who have better and more

players) an unfair advantage

• this point would be bad enough if all your players are match-fit, but it is made worse when they

won’t be

• which in turn means those with bigger, better squads will have much bigger advantages in rotating

their teams, lessening the risk of injuries, thereby reinforcing their advantage

• some teams have to play more home matches with their fans not present (which give you an

advantage) than other teams

• this is made even worse when those matches are against poorer teams in the division, making

home advantage with fans less of an advantage

• small point though, in fairness this though would not be as unfair if you played matches at a neutral

ground or if you took the whole of the Premier League to Perth in Western Australia

The other point with sporting integrity is that usually that would mean teams have a similar chance of

winning a competition. We obviously have Financial Fair Play to do that. Except we know it is not remotely

fair and most clubs try to circumnavigate the rules. We know in an era where the Saudi state wants to take

over Newcastle (and Abu Dhabi already owns Man City), that the Premier League does not want sporting

integrity. But to keep their structures afloat in the vain hope that the money keeps flowing from the

broadcasters.

So rather than Project Restart, why not let’s go for Project Reset? Let’s not restart and let’s reset with some

simple ground rules that may indeed provide a semblance of sporting integrity. These could include :

• a wage cap which is affordable to maintain for all clubs

• 50% fan representation on all boards to ensure the game is returned to the fans

• a maximum ticket price for home and away games (20s plenty) to allow all fans to attend, with

discounts for younger and older categories

• away allocations of up to 15% of ground capacity

• TV revenue to be evenly distributed not only within the Premier League but through the whole of the

football pyramid

• TV matches to be agreed at least three months beforehand, allowing fans to make cheaper and

more sustainable travel arrangements

• evening midweek fixtures to require a maximum of 100 miles travelling

This is no means a full list —John Nicholson has many more ideas —but I would love to hear others ideas

of how we can reset football, rather than restart it under the ludicrous facade of sporting integrity.

Monday May 25th

On a quite beautiful Bank Holiday morning, with the sun shining, having pressure washed the patio next to

the pond and the path up to the house, it is time to review the last week.

I am back running, eating properly and trying to get to bed at a reasonable time all of which help my mental

health. The sleeping part has been more difficult recently, particularly with the 24 hours news cycle.

Something I tend to have a permanent battle with. The ridiculous amount of evenings watching Brexit

debates, reading the latest intricacies on twitter and news which all become yesterday’s news within an

hour.

That said, what has broken in the last 48 hours has been truly extraordinary. There is still a debate as to

whether it will have ‘cut-through’ or is a Westminster debate. And moreover, the problem with using twitter

is the risk (not even risk, reality) of echo chambers. One of the reasons I look to buy the Times on a

Saturday, just to challenge my way of thinking but also as importantly to see how others are thinking.

This story feels as if it is the epitome of the Sociological Imagination. For months now, people have

followed the government advice / guidelines / law pretty much to the letter. Of course, some don’t, but the

adherence has been remarkable. And in many cases, with huge sacrifice. Not seeing their parents, close

friends, relatives, dealing with childcare in hugely challenging circumstances, not seeing their families when

even just round the corner. There are then the stories of the 13 year old boy who died on his own in

hospital, who was buried on his own. To suggest these are ‘private troubles’ is probably an insult but in

sociological terms, each family who has had to deal with its own personal specific problems and some will

continue to do so for the rest of their lives, with unknown ramifications on society.

And then it broke on Friday night that Dominic Cummings —chief adviser to Boris Johnson (and in many

eyes, more powerful than him) —had travelled to Durham with his wife and 4 year old boy to his parent’s

house when his wife went down with Coronavirus symptoms. Clearly at odds with all the guidance and

rules which said you stay at home. Cue Saturday morning —a very short no 10 statement basically saying

he had complied with the rules —and then cue numerous tweets of support from Cabinet ministers.

Saturday afternoon press briefing —Grant Shapps bluffing, not answering questions about any of the

particulars. And then Saturday evening comes round and part 2 which states Cummings went to Barnard

Castle on April 12th and even went back to Durham on the weekend of April 19th. More bluffing by Grant

Shapps on the Sunday morning shows with Sophy Ridgeand Marr —and then the big one. The Sunday

afternoon press briefing put back by an hour to be led by the Prime Minister and an almighty car crash of a

press briefing. As per usual, Boris Johnson blundering through, saying Cummings had acted ‘reasonably,

legally and with integrity’ and had acted in his best paternal instincts (as if instincts have anything to do with

the law or guidance!) and even said ‘his actions were designed to stop the spread of the virus’.

And so to the public issues —by clearly differentiating between the experience of the little people to those

in power —this becomes a huge public issue. The government has lost its mandate to govern. That

mandate is a democratic mandate but it is also based on a degree of mutual trust and competence. Apart

from the sheer anger of what others have sacrificed compared to Cummings, there is a very live issue of

moving forward. There is a clear possibility —perhaps even likelihood —that there may be a second spike.

Even if not, the government relies on the public to do as it is thinks is best. It relies on the public to follow its

guidance. This has nothing to do with ideology —I have spoken of that in previous blogs.

Interestingly, I have spent too many hours in recent months looking at issues of social and cognitive trust

and as Onora O’Neill states, they boil down to honesty, competence and reliability. If trust is lost in the

government, the implications are difficult to conceive in the worst crisis I have experienced in my lifetime.

People will in many cases read the leaves and may do the ‘right thing’ —whether or not Government advice

coincides with that is likely to be coincidental. The ties that bind us however may at best be stretched, and

worst be broken with people ignoring those rules and with the police being unable to enforce them. These

are the public issues. The story is fascinating on a political Westminster level but it feels like this may go

down as a historical turning point in our lives, something that Hailey and Hannah’s grandchildren may look

back and learn about. I wonder which way the path will follow.

Saturday May 30th

A good week all in all. Having Monday (Bank holiday) and Tuesday (Privilege day for Civil Servants) was

good. Monday glorious, Tuesday very decent. Had a lovely chat with little Austin on Thursday for the first

time in ages!

Played tennis with Austin twice —once on Tuesday, once on Friday. He has excellent eye to ball

coordination and to say he’s never had any lessons, is very decent.

Getting back in the saddle for running again. I even beat my PB for a 5k on Thursday evening in the warm

sunshine —22’ 32”?

In amongst, there was the continuous Dominic Cummings story rumbling on, with him (or is it Boris?)

showing a distinct refusal to even consider resigning. Perhaps I mentioned last time I thought it could be a

historic moment, but truthfully I am not so sure now. There seem to be historic moments the whole time —

Brexit seemed full of them, and now Coronavirus, and now DC. I kind of feel that no one truly can predict

what’s around the corner. Let alone ten years down the line. Will people change how they live their lives? I

am personally sceptical —we are ensconced in a world attached to materiality. I can’t pretend I am that

different. Will I be after this? Perhaps. Will Andrea and I live a more simple life, with less travel and less

consumerism? Possibly (says the person who has just bought another Apple product). And has not kicked

their Amazon habit.

Today has been glorious weather. Sunshine, warm enough but not too hot, enjoying the garden. Reading

Girl, Woman, Other. The latest in a run of outstanding books (shout outs for 10 minutes 38 seconds, the

Offing, Black Teeth Brilliant Smile). It is strange how life changes. Running regularly came out of

colleagues at DWP. And reading more came out of the same. Being open to doing different stuff. So

perhaps answering that question on a more simple life —perhaps there is an appetite. Perhaps where I

struggle are the ‘in-between’ months where it’s grey, nondescript, rainy, neither warm nor cold.

Finally, this week has kicked off yet again in Minneapolis due to the murder of George Floyd in open air by

a white policeman. In 2020. And perhaps the most powerful man in the world sent a tweet that said

I always find it difficult to write about race. As someone who lives in a very white city, who used to live in an

even more white town, and who was brought up in a Christian, bucolic idyll where the only black person

was probably the odd Nigerian prince at private school, it felt somewhat distant. Perhaps what gives me a

tiny inkling was living in Brixton (and to a lesser extent Battersea) in the mid-80s, and living 100 yards down

the road from where black people were rioting on Railton Road, where there were coach-loads of police sat

in the next street ready to roll ... it is quite vivid. Brixton always felt as if it was about to kick off. Or was that

my own bias? I always felt slightly scared as I seemed to be one of the few white person in a black area

where I’m sure I had subliminally been told black men were violent, strong and criminal. I know I rationally

challenged that perspective but if you’re truthful, it’s hard to entirely eliminate your subconscious. In time it

can happen, but it does take years. Working in Chapeltown between 2009 and 2011 was also amazing for

me to learn more. But part of any process is the surrounding culture. So whilst my parents were never

overtly racist (and would strongly resist any categorisation of being so), their lifestyles in colonialist Kenya

suggests they were not aware that what they were doing was so. Perhaps you should never put words in

other’s mouths, but I think my Mum and Dad were paternalistically ‘kind’ (perhaps I was also too young to

know), offering work but nevertheless exploitative. After all, when my nanny June lived away from her

children to earn a living, you can’t imagine that’s the way to earn a living. At the same time, I can hear in my

head that in a world of constrained choice, it might be better than the alternative (the ‘sex worker’

argument?).

But deep down, this isn’t simply an individual issue. As I say, my Mum and Dad would be deeply offended

to be thought of as racist, it’s just that they were. And so was I. It’s the fact it is socialized into you. A racist

world was a normalized world. The world of work in Leeds in the 80s was intrinsically racist, deeply

homophobic and hugely sexist. I did do ‘stuff’ by calling out some of that behaviour. I could have done more

and many did. Many though reinforced the bad behaviour and made it dangerous (literally so, and

economically so it impacted on your own livelihood). In some ways, I can see how much progress has been

made. But when you see what happened in Minneapolis, it is incredible how little progress has been made.

I don’t subscribe to the idea that people have learnt to be more politically correct whilst holding racist views

—more people are more aware of how wrong overt racism is. But strangely not aware of how the structures

of society disadvantage people of colour, women, disabled people and are hugely classed. And not to

speak of the intersectionalities. Still blissfully unaware of how entrenched society still is in terms of fucking

over people of colour. Look at Covid, look at stop and search, look at Brexit, look at the NHS migrant

surcharge ffs.

It’s clearly a cultural issue, a systemic one ... it’s no secret that much of the wealth of the Global North is

built on plundering the natural resources of poorer nations. The plundering was not simply economic, it was

genocidal.

But we are simply not educated to learn about it. At all. In fact, quite the reverse. One of my foremost

memories is an open day at prep school when an essay I had written (perhaps I was 8 years old) so

probably 1974 or 1975. And I had written how ‘Britain has now had it’. Actually, I am quite proud of my

prescience at such a young age and also proud that my teacher was happy to display it (later in my time at

that school, that same teacher quite literally saved me and perhaps even set me on a different road to the

one prescribed to most private school kids). But my Dad went absolutely mad afterwards. And his view was

built on a view of Empire, a view Britain was innately superior.

So whilst when I was older I read To Kill a Mocking bird and my daughters (and me too!) really loved

reading Roll of Thunder, Here my Cry (and the follow-ups), there is a massive absence in our education

system around Black History. And by that I mean you literally go from nursery to leaving University without

having to go into any real depth into Britain’s role in the colonisation of other continents, the looting their

resources and rights. So to me, we need to place pressure on our government to make that anti-racist

education an implicit part of our system. And that of course means understanding the deeper history going

back centuries but it also means grappling with what continues to happen in recent years. Girl, Woman,

Other is an incredibly life-affirming book of the diversity of black women’s voices and experiences. It

represents not just their struggle but represents the positivity of a social history, of love, kindness,

generosity.

There is also a need to think how we teach. I rarely remember many books, the plots, the content but

strangely a book that sticks in my memory is bell hooks Teaching to Transgress, which in my mind was

quite brilliant. Emphasising the importance of an engaged pedagogy —a desire to engage children and

adults in being curious, to learn, to be hopeful. A process of nurturing intellect to become thinkers, activists

and change-makers. I recall as part of that process a desire for praxis, the importance of reflection and

action —and most importantly how that process of praxis is equally crucial for the teachers and students.

To be a democratic educator. That said, I am proud that Andrea brought our two up to recognise and fight

injustice, to try and treat people equally, to be kind, to have decent values. And Hailey and Hugh do the

same with Austin. I guess in a way that is how the world changes but frustratingly slowly.

Music and art can also play its part. Whatever you like; as a massive Springsteen fan, one of his most

emotive songs is American Skin (41 shots), written in response to the police shooting of Amadou Diallo,

brought out again in his live sets in response to the shooting of Trayvon Martin, and the subsequent

George Zimmerman not guilty verdict.

Interestingly, as I pick this up on the Sunday morning, there is more looting and rioting. And two things hit

me. One is that this is somehow presented as an American problem. And secondly, there is this rational

critique that looting and rioting are not the right way forward —that instead exercising your democratic

rights is the way forward.

On the first point, this seems so wrong and so misguided. Yes, Britain doesn’t seem to be culturally as

attuned to rioting as other nations (although look at London 2011, Brixton 1981 and 1986, Toxteth,

Handsworth etc) but that is not to say systemic racism is not at play here in a big way. Look at the impact of

Covid19 on BAME communities —all primarily because they live in poorer, higher-density housing.

Secondly, I am not so sure looting and rioting need to be mutually exclusive from exercising your

democratic rights. Of course, the USA would be better off with anyone but Trump but when I hear people

talking about ‘burning down their own houses’ (the same phrase was at play in London 2011), they miss the

point that when you have nothing, your anger goes beyond the rational. And moreover, when you and your

family have metaphorically been looted, raped and trodden over for centuries, isn’t the rational reaction to

kickout? Doesn’t make it necessarily right but still it may be rational.

So as a privileged white person, I can’t and haven’t experienced this stuff. What we must do is go beyond

the internet. Let’s admit our own personal and national culpability, not providing ‘conditional’ apologies

(understanding perception is way more important than the ‘facts’). And one thing if you want to widen your

understanding of these issues (white people really need to, don’t they?), follow some of these on

twitter/medium; @ObiomaUgoala @kelechnekoffBolu BabalolaDaniellè DASHDela-

who...?@xaymacansReni Eddo-Lodge

June 2020

Saturday 13th June/Sunday 14th June

So it’s nigh on three months since we hit lockdown. And it’s two weeks since I wrote one of these. Last

weekend was a no-go, bizarrely I think because the last fortnight have been dull, gloomy, cold, wet weather

(jeez ... I sound so much like my Mum). That said, Austin and I have managed a couple of games of

tennis...

Kyle did an amazing job fixing the summer house roof which had blown off ...

I had Mastermind in the Wednesday evening catch-up with the where we all chose a specialist subject.

Mine was West Ham —the Redknapp / Roeder years but frustratingly didn’t do well as many of the

questions were of the statistical geekery type (‘who scored on a wet Wednesday at Stoke in 1995?) but

was fun nevertheless. That said, I sensed in our last catch-up that we are all perhaps tiring of quizzes a

touch. If there is a future pandemic, I know that I need to read Harry Potter, watch the Marvel films and

brush up on my knowledge on wonders of the world. None of which do I have any interest in doing! Oh and

we had a great Book Club talking about Girl, Woman, Other which got a series of 5 star ratings ...

and then I saw Bernardine Evaristo on QT talking powerfully about race (and found out that Maisy’s dad’s

cousin’s wife is Bernardine). Like six degrees of separation. We have extended an invite to a future book

club! Oh, and on the nature front, we saw this massive (well large anyway) frog in our pond, and today

Hailey saw one in hers too!

In the meantime, transmission of Covid runs on ... although does seem to be dissipating now. But that is

still very comparative, 181 deaths today sounds low ... despite the attempted gaslighting of the nation, the

numbers are stark. Brazil has just overtaken us as the second highest deaths due to Bolsonaro literally

denying its existence. But we seem to top the charts when we take into account population (apart from

Belgium).

Those charts are obviously not presented anymore in the slightly ridiculous daily presentations, where

yesterday the Chief Nurse was pulled because she couldn’t sign up to Cummings’ eye test.

So in the spirit of looking forward rather than backwards, I am going to return to something I said I’d try to

do back when I started this series of blogs and interestingly highlighted in this thought-provoking piece sent

over by Sean. In what ways might Covid change us? Whilst that piece primarily approaches the topic from

a macro perspective, I intend to do so in a more micro way!

So firstly birth rate. My inclination is that there will be a very distinct drop in birth rate in 2020. Until people

feel confident that the world will not be like this for ever, one would think that people would pause on any

plans to bring children into the world. Certainly in the UK. Compound that with much less sex going on with

couples often living apart ... and much less prevalence of casual sex (and therefore unintended sex), my

expectation is that birth rates will dive, creating a strange problem where the numbers in schools will dive

and followed presumably by a large spike and increase once (or if) people feel confident that the world is a

place they want to bring children into. All on top of a declining birth rate.

The other end of the spectrum is the scandal of care home deaths (go here for an extraordinary piece of

journalism by Newsnight). As of mid-May, 40,000 had died, nearly 10% of its overall population. Of those

who have died in all settings, 53% have been over 80, and 90% have been over 60. Apart from the financial

pressures this will place on care homes (who will lose over 10% of their income whilst incurring the costs of

PPE etc), it seems highly likely that few families will place their elderly relative in a care home until they are

very sure that the pandemic is beaten (presumably through a vaccine). And even t hen, I guess people may

have an inbuilt concern around the susceptibility of older relatives if there was to be a pandemic. We

already know that after years of increasing life expectancy, recent years have reversed that trend, arguably

due to austerity years. With what is expected to a long depression (never mind a recession), future life

expectancy will depend on whether policies genuinely seek to reduce inequality (hard to see how that is

done by levelling up, more likely levelling down). Social care is the big imponderable —the issue no

government has grappled with for decades. How will smaller independent care homes survive, unless

through reputation and a willingness to pay for something better (and thereby creating even more

inequality).

Both issues (birth rates and the care of the elderly) suggest there will be a significant change (if not a sea

change) in our demography moving forward, particularly when we know birth rates drop and death rates

elevate during recession, let alone in a depression —social policy is likely to be key in mollifying or

exacerbating those impacts.

Sunday June 14th

So let’s move straight on to some other issues.

Football. Wednesday, the Premier League kicks back off. I honestly didn’t think we would get here. And I’m

not sure we would/should be here. But we are. And it would be disingenuous to say I won’t take any notice.

I’ll be there next Saturday night to see my beloved West Ham take on Wolves. Nine games in 6 weeks ...

behind closed doors ... every game on TV ... fake noise ... mosaic of fans in the stands ... five substitutes ...

drink breaks ...

So whilst the Premier League will jump back in —and no doubt there will be millions like me who will put

aside their reservations about empty soulless stadiums to watch their team, something new in what often

feels like groundhog, there is overwhelmingly a sense this is just about the money. And to hear some

pundits ‘hoping’ Roman Abramovich and Sheik Mansour share their dirty riches as if that is the only hope

for the future of football... well, its utterly depressing. I have heard some people talking about the period

‘post-Covid’ as the ‘Great Reset’ (mmm ... really?) but if it is, why shouldn’t football take the opportunity to

reset as well? Some justly question the effectiveness of Financial Fair Play, something that simply appears

to embed the financial inequalities through the league ... the only ‘real’ way is surely to impose a squad

wage cap, allowing for some variance for the elite players but emphasising the importance of developing

youngsters. A level playing field.

That said, I think I miss that a level playing field —creating genuine competition (wouldn’t help West Ham

that’s for sure knowing how the club is run) —isn’t what the general football viewing public want. They want

to see the big clubs thrive rather than a Leicester breaking through in two or three seasons. Perhaps even

more depressing is that most Newcastle fans seem delighted to be owned by a murderous sovereign

wealth fund regime that puts Mike Ashley’s business practices into the shade.

And none of that even plays into what happens at lower leagues? League 1 and 2 are finished bar the play-

offs and some will undoubtedly go to the wall without fans walking through the turnstiles. That won’t just be

a shame, it will utterly change the rhythm and nature of those local communities. So many people singularly

fail to understand what football means ... the journey to the stadium, the hope, the crack, the atmosphere,

the smell, the locality, the familiarity, the visceral nature of what football is about, the experiences, the

disappointments and how those occasional triumphs are all the sweeter for it.

It’s why so many West Ham fans will never ever forgive our board from moving us to the Olympic stadium,

and we were just getting going with #GSBOUT. Let’s hope we can get our football back. I have to admit

that this diary feels a little like a stream of consciousness because I feel so angry and passionately about

what has been taken away.

I still love going with Austin, and hope somehow we can get it back ... but the fact that last year I was

genuinely thinking perhaps we might prefer going somewhere local in the lower leagues perhaps says it all.

Let’s hope I’m wrong.

And it feels inevitable that our local communities are going to have to be re-imagined post-Covid. Clearly

people have seen they can work from home quite easily —and many of those say they prefer the

experience. And whilst I don’t anticipate that meeting face to face is literally a thing of the past, it seems

inevitable that public and private sector estates will be vastly reduced and sold off. What does that mean for

the centre of cities? Will those offices turn into more flats? One issue that is interestingly apparent is that

the people who are finding working from home less satisfactory are often those living in small flats in

London ... sitting on beds, being disturbed by their partners or housemates. So at the same time as one

might consider offices to be sold off, one might also expect that the impact of Covid may be for more of

those people to want to move out of London at least (and perhaps other cities too) to have more green

space available to them. Covid has highlighted so many different inequalities —but perhaps one of the

starkest ones is the inequality of space. Conversely, it feels that there will always be a demand for the

bright lights of the city, so perhaps it will all be rapidly forgotten about.

Sunday 21st June

Well it’s over isn’t it? You might think so if you judge ‘it’ by the amount of cars on the road, and the amount

of people who seem to have entirely given up on any semblance of social distancing.

This week felt like many others during lockdown, but for all that was pretty decent. Work seemed quite

intense (Food and You going into the field in 3 weeks, much to-do about a forthcoming publication, perhaps

more about that next week, am I going back to DWP?). Tennis with Austin —it’s always the trips to and

from tennis that I love as much as the tennis. You can even see Andrea partaking!

He was so proudly telling me he was back off to school tomorrow (Hailey and Hugh are key workers) and

he will be in a class with Mr L , a year 5er, some year 4ers and some friends from his own year. Feels

instinctively the right thing to do for him —he will go back three days a week and will get some socialisation

even if they aren’t his besties. Andrea and I have been eating better. Andrea has made some absolutely

belting lunches and evening meals, which have almost all being vegan (actually vegetarian, from the look of

the feta cheese!)

The weather has been off and on. I haven’t run as much. I need to get outside exercise more. And go to

sleep at a reasonable time. Quiz night on Wednesday triggered a set of events I’m still struggling with.

After the quiz, we moved on to topics around the recent BLM. There was some challenge going around on

the excuses of ‘but that was of its time’ —discussions which seemed to try to justify ‘Golliwogs’ on the side

of marmalade jars (which I remember well), that Alf Garnett was ‘satire’ just like Fawlty Towers. Oh dear.

Oh dear. Oh fuck.

History —and more importantly teaching —should surely be the practice of freedom of thought, to critically

interrogate and ask questions about why things are the way they are. It should never be that traditional

pedagogy, that banking model of education. The learner should be a co-creator of knowledge and moving

back to history, it can be re-created, questioned, critiqued, re-invented. It is never static.

The follow-up from what seemed marginally intense (hearing someone you care for express those views,

even if predictable, is still upsetting) proved perhaps even more painful. I received a message yesterday

from someone I love so much and just burst quite uncontrollably into tears (and now I use Sertraline, I

barely ever cry at all!). It’s quite hard writing about it, is it cathartic or is it perhaps a form of self-harm? And

whilst it feels in some ways selfish and about me, their interpretation of family history is just so different to

mine and it feels hard because it feels as if they want to be neutral (I kind of get that), but it feels so much

like a betrayal of what happened and Andrea and I experienced. It’s complex as all family stuff often is, and

perhaps their neutrality is there to protect themselves from interrogating their childhood and adulthood. Or

perhaps I’m guilty of missing the very point that I made above. Even family history is contested,

experienced so differently. But it still hurts like fuck.

More positively, I received some unbelievably kind messages both before and after —quite separately to

this. Monica must be the kindest, most selfless sister-in-law anyone could ever dream of having. And

Hannah sent me some gorgeous messages. She sent the most lovely Fathers Day card, with incredible

homemade disaranno truffles.

And we’re meeting up for Fathers Day later on in the park too with Hailey, Hugh, Austin, Hannah and Kyle.

What more could you ask for?

Final point —the Premier League was back this week. West Ham played last night. I am surprised it came

back as I think I articulated before. It feels wrong. And not just because West Ham were as flaccid as they

were before the break (they lost 2–0 and seem likely to be relegated). It feels like everyone is going through

the motions.

But I smiled and felt proud. Liam sent me some beautiful whatsapps. To be called ‘influential’ in persuading

my fairy godson to support West Ham (should I be proud or ashamed?!!), to still be talking about it when he

is going grey ... I love him. What a guy!

Sunday June 28th

This one may feel a bit brief. The weather was pretty glorious all week, which always helps although work

has felt pretty full on. Except the weather dropped on Friday and yesterday/today has been pretty dreary.

So highlights and lowlights ... here we go ...

Highlights ... meeting up in Robinson Park with Hailey, Hugh, Austin, Kyle and Hannah for father’s day.

It was so lovely seeing everyone and then Austin was dead keen to show off his water rocket (in essence a

2 litre plastic bottle with water in). I’d seen him doing it earlier in the week and the water bottle goes flying

miles up in the air. So he did it and then I had a go ... and then

Lowlights ... Hannah had a go ...and I video-d it and omg... the bottle went straight up into her face.

Knocked off her sunglasses, she was so shocked, crying, her nose swelled up, Hugh fortunately had some

ice blocks which helped. The video is actually quite traumatic. I suspect Hannah still has not watched it.

Whilst no permanent damage (thank goodness), I kept thinking how it could have been an absolutely

horrendous accident. She could have lost her sight. What if it had have happened to Austin? still kinda

makes me go cold. I’d always been someone who thought you shouldn’t be over-cautious and still am I

guess —but controlled risks. I’m sure Hugh thought it was safe. Anyway, back to

Highlights ...discovering our frog. We saw a frog a couple of weeks back and Andrea had wanted to put a

washing up bowl next to the pond to provide a nice habitat. Monica had done this 15 years ago with Charlie

and Nicholas, and more recently Hailey and Hugh with Austin. I’d always been a bit snobby about it (being

honest!) but we did it, dug it out, Andrea surrounded it with some broken bits of crockery, a slate and then

we saw him ... here are a couple of shots and a link to the video of the fella.

I was captivated by the utter beauty of him breathing, as you can see here. Nature has been a big boon

during lockdown.

Another highlight ... playing tennis with Austin as usual, and then we took him on for a bike ride and an ice

cream at Fulgonis and watching the train. It was sooo hot.

we took him back home and caught a coffee at Busk on our way back.

Doesn’t sound as if they will be re-opening on what is being dubbed Super Saturday (4th July) ... I suspect

the Government have radically underestimated how the economy is intrinsically linked to the health of the

nation and the risk of C-19 infection. It feels as if they think they are two separate issues —but it is

blindingly obvious that you get the risk of infection right down and the economy will gradually recover. But

there will be a LOT of people who won’t go back to the new normality until they feel safe and the

experience of restaurants and other entertainments will feel artificial and anxious. Hence, why I have heard

so many saying they won’t be reopening. Moreover, it feels quite offensive to open up zoos and restaurants

whilst its not ok to open up schools. It is surely all to do with priorities. The education of kids isn’t as

important as zoos —wtf. The same could be said about theCovid-19 consumer tracker which was published

on Thursday, and picked up by the Guardian. And it surely says everything about priorities when an

appropriate response to millions of people going hungry, millions using food banks that the Govt will put ‘up

to £16m’ to address it —plus the money announced in response to Marcus Rashford which leads me to…

Another lowlight ... West Ham losing to Tottenham 2–0. Tottenham were there for the taking, but we were

so passive. But what angered me so much was the totally disgraceful performance by Felipe Anderson,

who was so transparent in showing he didn’t care about playing. He was happy for the team to be

relegated. A £40m+ signing earning c£150k per week, knowing when relegated he will be on his way

somewhere else for another payday. As I expected, I’ve watched the two West Ham matches but nothing

else. I am yet to get any passion back for football, I haven’t missed it over lockdown. And playing the

season out with no fans just so they can pick up the £ from the TV companies. I knew years ago that

football has sold its soul and even more so West Ham. Makes me sad, makes me angry ... the genuine

best moment since we moved to that stadium was the #GSBOUT protest before lockdown. It will be back

with a vengeance once things have settled down. We may go down and part of me doesn’t care any more

cos the players don’t care anymore. But let’s finish with a couple more highlights.

Austin, Hailey and Hugh did an AMAZING puppet show of Little Red Riding Hood. All of it made me smile,

but particularly Austin’s scary wolf. But the effort that went into it, the expression in acting it out, the

puppets themselves. Wow. You can see it here.

Listening to some old sets from Glasto... Courteeners from last year (bring on TRNSMT 2021), Bruce from

2009 (no surrender was incredible), and Pulp 1995. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen it before but that crowd was

incredible, caught up in the moment. It was clearly a throw-back to a different Glastonbury (make of that

what you will)... as Jarvis said before that song —and feels so apposite with how football is now owned by

sovereign wealth funds, TV companies, corporates, plastic fans ... football is no longer living with common

people (and probably hasn’t since 1995).

‘you can’t buy feelings’ ...

July 2020

Thursday 2nd July

a wee imported blog from my time at FSA...

EMT, SRG, IRG, WLT, SLT, BDG ... acronyms are a bug-bear. But let’s talk about our Executive

Management Team.

First of all, very friendly folk. Welcoming, approachable, informed, relaxed, engaged. Not something I can

always say about senior people I have come across. Indeed, I’ll never forget a placement student telling me

how upset she was that she always said a cheery ‘good morning’ to the lead in her area, and how this

woman blanked her, looked through her. Understandably, it really upset her, even though I don’t think the

slight was intended. So top marks to our EMT on this score, particularly to Ffion who made me feel

genuinely included throughout the meeting, although I am not sure I lived up to her expectations as a social

researcher providing anthropological insight to the session!

As I logged into the meeting, I was particularly pleased to stumble in on a conversation about the previous

day’s presentation (on trust) which seemed to have stimulated a vibrant conversation.

But what will stay with me from the meeting is a discussion on an appropriate response to Black Lives

Matter (this was Black Out Tuesday). Seeing comms in action is always a fascinating insight into balancing

openness and transparency with political realities and impartiality. This conversation did not disappoint in

observing the tensions on the right thing to include in a piece for the digital workplace —should it include

specific reference to #BlackLivesMatter? Does that overstep a political mark?

When feeding back at the end, I did comment that whilst articulating a clear aspiration to diversity, EMT is

entirely white (is there anyone in the FSA above G6 who is not white?) Why does that matter? If, as a

regulator, we are to protect the interests of the consumer, we must protect the interest of all consumers,

whether Black, disabled, LGBTQi or working class. So, I’d argue a fully white EMT (and Board too) cannot

effectively represent Black and minority ethnic consumers.

In fairness, Ffion acknowledged the point, and commendably, I noticed a couple of days later this tweet:

But Ffion shouldn’t bear that burden on her own. It is incumbent on every single one of us. There is much

more I could say about the day (acronyms of course —ARI, evidence-based policymaking, Qurbani, 625s?,

ARIs, OC, ROF, ABC). Oh sorry, I have gone back to using acronyms again. Why not sign up and check

out an EMT meeting for yourself?

July 16th

So I didn’t manage to write anything last weekend. There were some good reasons for that actually, in that

I spent a really lovely Saturday morning at Oweston with Hannah and then a really lovely Sunday afternoon

with Hailey, Hugh, Hannah, Kyle and Austin having lunch outside.

That said —and despite some really nice visits by and to Monica, Simon, Charlie and Nicholas —I have felt

really flat the last fortnight. Probably a combination of really dreary, monotonous cloudy, rainy weather

together with the monotony of working from home, the continuity of looking at a screen (which perhaps

seems ironic as I write this), working long hours and with very little certainty as to how long this all goes on

for as it stands. Plenty of people seem to have given up on avoiding the spread of transmission, now that

nearly everything is open, albeit under guidelines that the public appear to interpret depending on their own

risk appetite. So this in many ways seems the lowest I’ve felt during the Covid pandemic.

So picking this up again on Thursday as I have a few days off due to working silly hours a few weeks back

—and strangely I feel almost worse. Almost as if I am reverting to days gone by with depression. But of

course, it’s not just about me. Andrea finds this time of year really tough too.

Bizarrely, despite saying all that, there have been some real highlights. But perhaps it shows that it’s the

day to day that really matters and ensures one’s mental health.

That said, let me remind myself of some of those highlights.

A couple of weeks back, I heard Hannah was going off to Oweston Garden on the Saturday morning (I

think it was ‘super Saturday’) and I asked if I could go. So we met there around 1015am despite Hannah

getting lost due to her sat nav taking her off the track! And we then spent perhaps two and a half hours just

chatting, walking round the peaceful gardens (hardly anyone there at all!), having a coffee (and me a maple

vegan roll!) ... talking about when she was a child, talking around now/Covid, about Bettys ... well all sorts.

And it felt so special —so simple. Just kind of what I hoped our relationship might be when she was a child!

Football has been a rollercoaster the last couple of weeks. After losing to Wolves and Tottenham, and

assumed we would get easily turned over by Chelsea. Leaving us with no points from 9. And right in the

mire. First we had a perfectly legitimate goal disallowed by VAR (a 3.5 minute delay ... don’t get me talking

about VAR, it would take too long). They go 1–0 up with a silly pen we give away, we equalise from Tommy

Soucek, and bizarrely go 2–1 up only for Chelsea to equalise 2–2 with a Willian free kick (could Fab have

done a touch better?). Anyway, with 20 minutes to go, we are pinned back and I’m thinking ‘can we hang

on for a point?’ (a good point in fairness), whereupon Dec clears the ball on the edge of the area

(apparently a pass rather than a clearance), Micky does a neat interchange with Pablo Fornals, and spots

Yarma sprinting down the right. He takes the ball on, cuts inside as he always does, and nails it bottom left

hand corner. I’ve said it a million times but those are the moments you wait for, the moments that are so

special. I had the most wicked conversation with Liam following the game!

More prosaically, we drew 2 each up at Newcastle (after going 1–0 and 2–1 up), went and lost to Burnley

despite having over 20 shots on goal.

Austin and I watching Burnley.

Our fullbacks were culpable again in both matches (how many times has that happened?). Wherever we

end up next year, we need to strengthen in those areas. So Norwich was massive and we sent them down

with a comprehensive 4–0 win with Micky scoring all 4. Trouble is Bournemouth beat Leicester 4–1 and

Villa beat Palace 2–0, so its still all on. Watford Friday is massivvvv. Still looks as if it may go to Villa on the

final day.

I keep running, but my motivation to do so on a dreary rainy morning almost disappears. On one day, I

managed to get within 2 seconds of my PB which was pretty impressive.

I went out this morning and ran a fairly steady 5k ... but even though it wasn’t too hot, I was absolutely

sweltering!

What else has happened? I had my haircut on Monday 6th —lucky to get a very early hair appointment.

Felt a lot better afterwards!

Who knew having a haircut would be considered a highlight of life?

I think it was the same night that Monica, Simon and the lads came over which was so nice to see them all

—we also went over last Saturday to theirs. On both days, we were just sat outside but it was just lovely to

see them —the first time in 4 months!

We’ve also seen Denise a fair bit in recent weeks, she came to ours last week and then last night had a

cracking evening with Denise and Liam (he had come over to us). Liam is such a joy ... I’m not sure why it

is but we can chat about shit for hours and hours —last night, we had a strong debate on identity politics —

in particular Black Lives Matter —and how going down ‘transsexual’ rabbit holes side lines debates on the

issues that matter. I heard a podcast today in which Diane Reay spoke about how ‘race is classed, and

class is raced’ ... which for me epitomises it. I loved Liam’s analogy of how he sees life ‘Fuck who you want’

which is perhaps just a variation of Rastafari ‘One Love’.

t’s also now all sorted that I’m off back to DWP in mid-August to a role on the serious case panel, which

sounds intriguing, interesting and challenging. It’s in the same area as the Claimant survey. I have an

ambivalent relationship or reflection on my time at FSA —the first six months seemingly living on trains and

in hotels, the second looking out of the study window and on constant Teams chats. I’ve enjoyed much of

the work, particularly working with Abby. How lucky was I to be able to work with someone I really got on

with, could have a crack on, who was capable, who was professional and who I could rely on. There are

others I’ll miss, particularly Pauline, Janine and Judith. Pauline had a wicked sense of humour and worked

so hard. I really like Janine too, and perhaps I’ll bump into her around here once lockdown properly loosens

up. And enjoyed some of the sardonic chats with Judith!

July 30th

After what seems like a lull in the news cycle —actually I think more likely that we all gradually become

immune to what rapidly has become the norm —I was nevertheless somewhat taken aback by a couple of

interesting issues that have garnered some media attention. Both of which appear to give the lie to the idea

that we #buildbackbetter from the current Coronavirus pandemic.

So, after assiduously capturing the data on a daily basis from 16 March until 14 June, I checked in last

Saturday to see how much we were now in control of the virus. Shockingly, the number of deaths was 123.

And barely a whisper. I can only conclude that seems the tolerable level of excess death ... for the last

month, we have opened up and the number of ‘recorded’ deaths has still risen from 42,589 (21 June) to

45,961 (29 July).

So these interesting issues —obesity and cycling (see #buildbackbetter part 2). Obesity first —‘apparently’

Boris Johnson has had some kind of epiphany around the risks of obesity due to his near death experience

after contracting Covid. So apparently Britain now needs to have some kind of ‘war against obesity’ to

protect us again a forthcoming second wave of coronavirus (although there is some debate as to whether

we are through with the first).

Of course as a true libertarian, Boris says there should be no nanny state ... as he said back in 2007 and

more recently when rubbishing now Health Secretary Hancock’s proposed tax on sugary milkshakes. But

now he wants to ban advertising on junk foods before the watershed (tick), consult on a complete ban

(tick), getting rid of BOGOFs (tick), calorie menus (question-mark) —look at the evidence in Northern

Ireland for that one—so, all in all, sounds pretty sensible even if they are all regurgitated ideas from years

gone by.

But frankly, the idea that would resolve obesity in the next two decades let alone the next two months is

simply for the birds. As I wrote here back in 2016, the rise in obesity is one of those topics that simply

reflects the rise in inequality since the 1980s. What genuinely helps address diet and nutrition is having

more money ... living on carb-heavy foods with no access to gyms and green space unsurprisingly leads to

obesity. Give someone a park, pay for a gym membership, allow them to buy veg and protein (and not

uber-processed foods), give them a stable income so they aren’t stressed out of their minds. Understand

that 100 calories of broccoli costs 51p whilst 100 calories of frozen chips costs you 2p. Buy good sausages

with low fat, 100 calories costs 22p but the bottom of the range full of fat and E numbers costs 4p. Never

mind Rees-Mogg’s crass tweet yesterday. And by the way, one other thing —understand that obesity is a

structural reflection of our society, rather than a societal reflection of us as failed citizens. Understand that

people on low incomes operate in very rational ways —if they operate beyond their means and get into

debt, they are stigmatised. If they operate within their means and feed their children cheap non-nutritious

food, they are stigmatised. Look at the newspaper headlines if you don’t believe me.

So I won’t be the first and I won’t be the last to say this. To address obesity and get a healthier nation with

less diabetes, less obesity, more equal life expectancy, then make your society more equal. And moreover,

address the vested interests of the large food manufacturers such as Kraft etc. The reformulation of sugary

drinks proves it can be done.

August 2020

August 1st

And so on to part 2 of the obesity masterplan ... let’s get everyone cycling everywhere.

50,000 vouchers of £50 each to repair your bike. £2.5m. Website crashes. Headlines everywhere —not all

good, but it has an attractive feel.

But if this is part of reducing obesity, increasing exercise ... surely you target it at those least likely to cycle

(or who don’t have bikes in the first place) ... so you take a look at the Government’s own data on the

subject —Active Lives Survey—and you find that it is the highest social economic groups (A/Bs) that cycle

significantly more than the rest.

So then you go to the next stage and maybe even find what are the barriers to cycling for the lower social

economic groups. Of course, lower social economic groups aren’t a homogenous group with the same

motivations, but we also know that there are a lot of cross-overs with disability and ethnicity. We also know

that people who live in cities are less active than those in rural areas.

So one might think if there is a limited amount of money, one would target it at those most at risk of dying

from Coronavirus if they contract the pandemic. Those from lower social economic groups, particularly

BAME groups or those with diabetes or who are obese ... I guess it depends on what the objective is for the

scheme. One could even argue that if you read up on the barriers, it is the perceived risk of cycling in inner-

city areas and therefore one should put more money into cycling infrastructure, including safe storage for

bikes.

Instead, I wonder who picked up these 50,000 vouchers ... the digitally literate, the ABs, the affluent most

likely ... those who already cycle...

talk about #buildbackbetter.

So it must be nearly 3 weeks since I last blogged on what has been happening at home. Quite a lot ... or

perhaps groundhog day. I’d probably say a mixture of the two, with a couple of short-ish breaks (and a

week’s holiday) breaking up the day-to-day routine of wake-up-eat-work-eat-work-eat-watchTV-sleep

***

So the day after my last blog (17th July), we took off for a long weekend, staying in a lovely little B & B in

somewhere called Lolwalington up dale which was actually something of a find. Perhaps not the B & B itself

(which was fine), but certainly the location. We arrived late in the afternoon after calling at the pub and on

the Friday night, I watched the next urgent instalment of West Ham’s fight against relegation v Watford

(who were on the same points as us). All this whilst eating an amazing supper from the Fox but I have to be

honest ... I was stressed out of my mind even when we went 3 up before half-time. Micky with the first,

Tommy unstoppable breaking into the box for the second and then Dec with an absolute peach from about

25 yards out. Even then I could see us fuck it up —see below for Liam and I’s whatsapp!

West Ham were safe (if not mathematically) but the following Wednesday, we picked up a creditable draw

away to United 1–1 and then on the Sunday, we closed the season with a draw at home to Villa. That was

slightly disappointing as I hoped we could send them down but they stayed up, courtesy of the goal against

them that was never given the first day back from lockdown. Bournemouth and Watford down (at least

Deeney drops ...).

Back to GFD —the following day, we took our first meal ‘out’ when we visited the Farmers Lounge Tea

Rooms for a nice lunch (Andrea had Ham and Eggs!) and then went on a really nice walk from Lealholm to

Glaisdale and back again, alongside the River Esk. Andrea spotted a lovely place called Poets Corner —

somewhere we revisited a few days later. We actually stayed for two nights, although I can’t really

remember what else we did —I think we spent the day on the beach, yes, that’s it. It was cool but sunny,

and we enjoyed a tasty seafood lunch at the cafe. We also walked to Whitby and back (oh my days Whitby

was a nightmare, little social distancing, loads of amusements) —we exited pretty rapidly and walked back

up out of the town and back down to Sandsend. The Monday I had the day off and played tennis with

Austin (I think that’s the last time I have played with him) and took him off to the Reading Cafe afterwards.

He also came over to watch us play United on the Wednesday —even though it doesn’t look like we will be

able to get season tickets even if grounds partially re-open, we are intending to buy season tickets for when

the ground re-opens at 70% capacity. I actually wonder if that will be anytime next season at all.

On the Friday of that week (24th), we took Jaqueline off to Porthend for the day. We had a picnic outside

beforehand and then a lovely walk around the gardens. And then of course a nice pot of tea in their

gardens. I confess the woman who runs it drives me slightly mad (she is incredibly patronising) and yet

Andrea said she was really nice to Jaqueline as she knew she had dementia (Andrea had rung ahead). The

gardens themselves are really lovely —I particularly appreciated the water feature with mirror. Incredibly

attractive. The sun shone, we took Jaqueline back whereupon I installed Alexa (not sure how much of a

success or not it will be) but we tried. All in all, a really enjoyable day.

So the following week was my week off on holiday and part 2 of my root canal treatment (I had part one a

couple of weeks before). The treatment itself was pretty much fine (slightly bizarre thing where they put a

bolt round the tooth and then a plastic mask thing, presumably so you don’t have the aerosol flying round

the room with Covid) but the following few days, it felt strange, maybe because this time there was a filling

added to the mix.

Soon the Tuesday, we took Austin off for a great cycle ride to Benwickson and the planets, stopping off for

an ice cream at the Co-op in Benwickson. He proudly showed me each of the planets in turn, reading

through all the information and was somewhat surprised that I knew the distance from the sun of each one

(slightly cheatingly). He is so much fun, chatting away. I can’t believe he is 8 (read on for that bit!).

Thursday, we set off for our second mini-break to March ... the Sunday School is an amazing spot, really is.

So spacious and comfortable. Andrea had booked us in on a whale-watching expedition on the Friday and

we had to be up at the car park for 830am. Except we had no car keys for us and the next place was

across the valley so down into March we went and up the steep incline on the other side. Some bird

watching from the top of the cliffs and then off on the boat, with everyone wearing masks (interestingly,

later that afternoon, a couple started to slip their masks down ... grrr). The trip out on the boat was great fun

but it was very choppy, surprisingly so to say how it was a beautifully sunny day ... and also felt surprisingly

cool. We saw lots of new birds (a Bonxie, a Manx Shearwater, gannets, kittiwakes, puffins) but alas no sign

of a cetacean (which I discovered means whales, dolphins, porpoise ...). We had our lunch not far out from

Hewslick Bay, seeing how it was rammed (it had just been voted British beach of the year) and then back to

March by about 4ish.

Saturday we had arranged to meet Denise at Rockpoole but as the weather didn’t hold up as planned, we

agreed to meet at Holton and again enjoyed the Farmer’s Lounge Tea Room and then visited Poets

Corner. Wow, in one way perhaps a gardening centre, but that doesn’t in any sense reflect how gorgeous it

is. Some really nice things there —Denise bought a tree! We had agreed to call at the pub to buy a seafood

platter for Denise’s birthday tea. Lobster, crab pate, mackerel pate, salmon, prawns, mayonnaises washed

down with some prosecco. Hope she had a nice birthday —we seem to have seen her a lot more this year

and even a fair bit post loosening lockdown.

So a week later, I pick this up. And the problem with blogs —or really these are in some ways diaries —is

that your memory becomes hazier even two weeks ago. I always find it bizarre in crime dramas when

police expect you to know what you were doing three months ago on a Tuesday night at 8pm! I can’t

remember what I was doing last Tuesday night.

Anyway, what I do remember about the following day (the Sunday) was that in our new aspiration to be

more active, Andrea and I set off on a walk to Hewslick Bay in which the weather varied from quite bright

sunshine to spotting rain (Peter Kay rain anyone?!). I can’t remember exactly how far it is but having

checked my fitbit, I noticed I walked 11.57 miles. It felt further, was a lot of up and down. We stopped on a

bench in Hewslick Bay and it felt spoiled by its recent vote as ‘beach of the year’ —gentrified ... full of

people wanting to do water sports, crammed (little social distancing going on). March’s feels much more

authentic, although of course down the hill, most people are affluent holiday-goers!

Monday we set off early (we had to be out by 10am) whereupon we had a fun bbq of bacon, sausages and

tea on the beach before it clouded over and we set off for home. But it was a really enjoyable break. Our

holiday of the Covid summer. I guess we are lucky —there will be loads of people who would love to just be

able to have enough food, let alone holidays.

August 16th

So I moved on to the next story as that last one would have become an epilogue and I ‘think’ blogs are

supposed to be wee snapshots. It was already an 8 minute read.

So a couple of days after returning from March, it was Austin’s 8th birthday. It is hard to describe how

excited, how thrilled and really just how lovely he is. It’s strange as you DO appreciate those moments but it

would be lovely if you could capture those, and just recall the excitement. I do think he’s a lucky lad as well,

having such a fantastic Mum and Dad (everyone should have one), but also Hannah and Kyle but also

Simon and the lads. Monica sadly couldn’t come due to the risk of Covid —even though this summer has

been so hard for everyone, it is hard to imagine how much harder it must have been for her without getting

out and about.

When we arrived at Robinson Park, Austin was playing football with Charlie and Nicholas. Presents were

opened, food and sparkling prosecco was consumed, and then there was more football. An 8 a minute

each half game in which whilst Hugh, Austin and I lost 4–2 to the Bravery’s, the first two minutes we passed

the ball like we were Barca of 2009. I then chipped everyone from long distance to level us at 1 each and in

the second half, I crossed the ball and Austin came steaming in, nipping in at the front post to make it 2

each.

On the Saturday, I met Simon, Charlie and Nicholas and we had a very pleasant (the weather was

gorgeous) bike ride.

On our way back, cycling out of Meirion, I spotted this slightly overweight guy in a pair of trackies walking

down the road in deep conversation. And then realised it was Marco Bielsa trying to #freeBenWhite (when

people read this in years to come, will they understand what #freeBenWhite was...!). I asked Charlie in his

City top if he wanted a photo with him (no!!!) by which time Simon and Nicholas had circled back to check it

was him. Further up, I had a lengthy convo with a lady outside her sheltered housing who told me, yes, it is

the Leeds manager and he walks (never rides) past twice every day, and more often than not, he is deep in

conversation. It’s a fair trek to the LUFC training ground —probably a 6 mile round trip! anyway, it made for

a more exciting bike ride!

On Tuesday evening, I had drinks with my FSA colleagues to celebrate me leaving. I did enjoy my time

there for the most part —the people in the team were really lovely. There are some buts —I had a number

of disagreements with Michelle (we do SR not PR!) and I don’t think they really do social research as it

should be done (Michelle was always happy to do ‘quick and dirty’!) but I am pretty proud of what I

achieved there, not only setting up a huge push2web survey but also overseeing two really important

Covid-19 publications, which were published the following day.It is sometimes difficult to gauge how much

difference your work achieves in the civil service. In the voluntary sector, you get that Wenceslas syndrome

where you actually see the difference you make to individual people whilst in the civil service you hope it

could have a more profound difference to more people. But I think deep down, you kid yourself if you say

that. It’s part of the way I reassure myself that taking the dirty lucre is acceptable. To think when you

consider pensions etc, I probably get paid twice what I did compared to the job immediately before (the role

with GIPSIL).

So on to my next role, overseeing analysis for the Serious Case Panel. Again seemingly what could be

more important? We shall see. So far it feels lonely, no one in my team, a brand new team, getting to

understand the task in hand, being told 25 times there is ‘no pressure’ .... etc etc

That evening, we went over to M & S and had a really nice BBQ to celebrate their 25th wedding

anniversary.

And so to the end of the week, I watched Bayern turn over a wretched Barca 8–2 (oh, what a far cry it is

from that Barca team of 2009). It feels quite unjust to see Lionel Messi being surrounded by an ageing

team of square pegs in round holes who gave up the ghost. And then last night, quite bizarrely, Man City

lost 3–1 to Lyon. Pep yet again over-thought the whole process, playing a 3 at the back, with only kdb and

Sterling being the creative players (leaving the Silvas, Mahrez and Foden on the bench). To think Pellegrini

took City to the semis of the CL with a far worse team. I actually am sticking my neck out on this one and

think Pep is a busted flush. Of course they will finish high and they will continue to have most games where

they absolutely destroy the opposition but at the same time, their defence isn’t up to it, and they lack that

mental solidity thats required. I don’t think they will win the Premier League, let alone the CL, next year.

Yesterday we continued with our active theme and cycled out to the bridge and back, seeing some lovely

llamas (or were they alpacas on the way!).

Stamford Bridge is interesting —even though very close to York, it is most definitely East Yorkshire, and

bears some similarities with Snaith. And not in a good way sadly. Oh well...

My last couple of blogs have barely mentioned the nationwide picture —there is an absolutely nationwide

debacle going on with A level results (and probably next week the same with GCSEs). The government is

still opening things up despite clear evidence that at best things are flatlining before schools go back ... and

quarantining from Spain and France which seems a dead cat story to divert from the way they have

handled the crisis. I’d prefer we didn’t open our borders up full stop but if they are open, it is hard to see the

difference in risk of someone returning from France or Spain as there is when we cycled through York city

centre last night, with reams of party-goers having no sense of responsibility for older people or those who

need to keep their distance. There is talk of disbanding PHE —a clear move to assign blame for their

incompetence. It remains to be seen what will happen next —the Tories sit at 42% in the polls (Labour

39%) —at first sight, that seems extraordinary after the last five months but perhaps with LDs almost

obsolete (on 5%), that is not a bad come back since Starmer has picked up on the leadership. I think he

knows he needs to play the long game, attracting a reputation for serious competence, rather than picking

up meaningless headlines. We shall see.